A Bit Fruity with Matt Bernstein

The belief that a mafia of closeted homosexuals exists within the federal government is not a new one. Neither is the concern that the presence of said homosexuals presents a national security blackmail threat. But the “closetocracy” has found renewed interest not on the openly homophobic right, but within parts of the conspiracy-curious left. When Cenk Uygur of the left-wing talk show The Young Turks announced a documentary called “The CLOSETocracy” about a closeted U.S. senator who allegedly hires gay sex workers, I was excited for my skepticism towards this theory to be proven wrong. After watching the documentary, my skeptecism remains. Today, the gals of In Bed With The Right and I trace the origins of a painful conspiracy and, of course, seek the TRUTH!

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By the end of 2016, former Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly was a “newly-minted feminist icon” according to Vanity Fair. It was strange but true, if you didn’t look closely. The year prior, Megyn had become the primary focus of presidential hopeful Donald Trump’s sexist ire and helped topple a media dynasty when she came forward as a survivor of Fox chairman Roger Ailes. But the world has changed a lot in a decade, and so has Megyn Kelly. Today, we examine how Variety’s “Power of Women” 2016 honoree became the most vicious crusader against women who come forward, a champion for the president who abused her, and someone unrecognizable to her former self.

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The Boston Globe’s biggest story in 2002 was an earth-shattering expose of child abuse within the Catholic Church. The Boston Globe’s biggest story in 2026 was an earth-shattering expose of a dysfunctional lesbian community in a small town in Massachusetts trying to keep a COVID-conscious, masks-required queer bar financially afloat. It’s true, this story has everything: a co-owner ditching the bar for clown school, a therapist mediator accused of being a cop, and of course, some secular hijab-inspired accessories. But I fear an analysis of the story’s immense virality reveals a darker truth, and should encourage us all to reconsider our own online behavior.

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A cultural and political earthquake revolving around Ed Sheeran, Macklemore, and P!nk might have felt semi-plausible in 2012, but certainly not in 2026. And yet! After Macklemore called for a free Palestine at Ed’s concert, a disgruntled P!nk took to Instagram to call for apologies and refunds. In a follow-up essay, the 2000s pop icon clarified she does not need a refund, but wants to make one thing clear: as a Jew, Macklemore’s words made her feel unsafe. Today, Palestinian author and poet Mohammed el-Kurd helps dissect P!nk’s big feelings, the evolving rhetoric of Liberal Zionism, and the power of calling something what it is.

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The homosexual fascist must be savvy, and Milo Yiannopoulos was (at least for a time) among the savviest. But it wasn’t enough. It never is. The flamboyant British provocateur who wormed his way into American politics was never destined for a seat at the winners’ table, because the winners’ table doesn’t even exist. Today, Kat Tenbarge, Matthew Sitman (of the Know Your Enemy podcast) and I chronicle the most dangerous gay demon of the 2010s, the culture that produced him, and the destruction left in his wake. May the leopards feast.

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In 2024, the trans TikTok influencer Jools Lebron graced the world with “very demure, very mindful.” The phrase was lightning in a bottle, and got plastered just about everywhere. Two years and two million followers later, Jools broke the news to her followers: after the lucrative brand deals stopped coming, she needed their help to afford dental surgery. The colossal backlash that ensued reveals a disconnect between the public’s understanding of influencer fame and the reality of freelancing. It also raises questions about the conservatism inherent to TikTok’s algorithm, and how we all might end up Fox News boomers if we don’t start thinking critically.

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When Boy George released an AI-generated reggae Zionist fight song last month, I was not shocked. That’s only because the 1980s queer pop icon and “Karma Chameleon” singer quietly directed his ire at me (ME!) a few months earlier. How did such a legendary countercultural figure resort to… whatever this is? Today, we’re telling a bizarre story of fame, crime, geopolitics, and artificial intelligence. A lot of artificial intelligence. George Michael, as the decidedly superior 80s gay pop singer from across the pond, we salute you.

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Lindsey Graham died doing what he loved: fanning the flames of war and hiring queer sex workers while legislating against their basic human rights. What is there to say of an evil gay man who dies in the closet? Lindsey wasn’t the first, and likely won’t be the last. Today, Moira Donegan (of In Bed With The Right) and I perform a psychosexual autopsy on some of America’s worst gays. Good riddance.

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Kylie Jenner is selling Meta Glasses that record people without their knowledge. Timothée Chalamet is selling Kalshi gambling addictions to teenage boys. Do a billion-dollar beauty mogul and the most bankable movie star of a generation really have to debase themselves like this? This week, Kat Tenbarge, Ed Ongweso Jr. and I waltz through the recent business exploits of Hollywood’s busiest couple. Therein lies stories of mass surveillance, legally dubious and politically corrupt virtual casinos, and good ole American greed.

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Caught on camera fleeing the NBA Finals for his $40 million Hamptons home, Jerry Seinfeld declared: “Palestine doesn’t exist.” It’s hard to imagine someone with a larger repository of goodwill and adoration than the 90s television legend, yet Jerry remains steadfast on his mission to destroy it all. This week, comedy connoisseur Emma Vigeland and I investigate Seinfeld’s growing animosity for the changing world around him. And for adult women.

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Mel Robbins wants to Let You give her your money. The lawyer-turned-self-help guru has made an unfathomable fortune through books, speeches, and most recently, protein smoothies. Mel’s core message to her millions of fans is simple: the only thing standing in your way is you. But as the systems that govern us continue to stratify people across seemingly unmovable barriers of wealth and power, Mel’s advice feels at odds with reality. Additionally, Mel’s insatiable quest for building personal wealth requires us to ask brave questions: Can AI be girlboss? Can pyramid schemes be empowering? Perhaps, if we let them.

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It’s time to dive into one of Canada’s worst exports. Kevin O’Leary a.k.a. “Mr. Wonderful” gained household recognition by performing as a mean venture capitalist on TV. As it turns out, the meanness might be the only honest aspect of his character. Today, Emma and I excavate Kevin’s personal and professional history to reveal a nesting doll of capitalist grifter hell. Grab your $28 avocado toast and strap in.

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Mallory McMorrow is one of three Democrats running in one of the most hotly contested primary races heading into the 2026 midterms: the Michigan senate race. After I interviewed her progressive opponent, Abdul El-Sayed, Mallory’s team reached out for an interview as well. After a publicized back-and-forth between my camp and hers, we are gathered here today to discuss Mallory’s support for funding Israel’s Iron Dome, her decision to not run on Medicare for All, and more. Thank you to the great Emma Vigeland of the Majority Report for joining me. This one’s for Lady Bunny.

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Tucker Carlson has emerged as one of the most influential voices opposing the U.S. relationship to Israel. He’s also anti-Trump. So is he your friend now? Today, the inimitable Naomi KIein makes her A Bit Fruity debut to explain the Right’s burgeoning realignment, why the Republican successor to Trump could be so much scarier (sorry), and how an inept Liberal establishment made the rise of an antisemitic nationalist movement inevitable. And, of course, what we can do.

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It’s time to podmax. The Internet’s biggest rising star is a 20-year-old from New Jersey named Braden Peters, and he wants your sons to hit their jaws with hammers so they can get girlfriends. Not great! But in my quest to explain Clavicular, I encountered other, bigger problems: a generation of young people who know the American social contract is broken, a generation of older people who don’t care, and a media industry that feeds off rage at the expense of reality.

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On Monday, an Arkansas grandmother of 10 children flew to Washington D.C. at the behest of DoorDash to deliver the President of the United State two bags of McDonald’s. The stunt was a promotion for the food delivery app, and for Trump’s “No Tax On Tips” policy which allegedly helps workers like DoorDash Grandma save on taxes. As you might imagine, no aspect of the bizarre stunt was what it seemed. Today, we unearth the truth about DoorDash, grandmas, and the absolute fraud that is Republican tax policy. I even try math!

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As we teeter on the edge of war, Epstein chaos, and an AI-induced job market collapse, it’s a comfort to know that Democrats are fighting as hard as they can to defeat… Hasan Piker! The online left’s favorite hunk has created a crisis for establishment Democrats, whose allegiance to Israel and corporate interests has become career-threatening (finally!). Today, Michigander and 2026 senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed joins me to unpack the centrist smear campaign against Hasan Piker, the millions of Democrat dollars intent on crushing the left, and what we can do about it.

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On March 21, 2026, as violent tensions escalated in Trump’s illegal war on Iran, the second most-discussed event in the United States was Chappell Roan’s hotel breakfast. What began as a forgettable “controversy” involving celebrities, a security guard, and a fancy hotel in Brazil soon transformed into a political proxy war that feels deeply emblematic of what the Internet has become. Today, Caroline Kwan, Kat Tenbarge and I dive deep into the episode I was sure I wouldn’t make. But here we are. In tears.

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Last year at the behest of Elon Musk, a group of young men in their 20s with no political experience set out to reduce federal spending by terminating lifesaving public health programs, slashing thousands of science and culture grants, and gutting entire federal agencies. The “DOGE Bros” wreaked havoc on American life — and somehow, reduced federal spending by nothing. Recently, two former DOGE employees were deposed amidst a lawsuit by organizations that want their money back. After spending days watching videos of their lengthy testimonies (that the government is actively trying to wipe from the internet), I’ve concluded that nobody benefits from identity politics quite like a mediocre white man.

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Gavin Newsom, the California governor who’s been seemingly anointed to the throne of the Democratic Party, thinks Democrats should be more “culturally normal.” He thinks we should spend less time talking about pronouns. He won’t tax billionaires, and he’s had approximately four different positions on Israel in the last six weeks. Yet two and half years out from the 2028 election, some inside the party are already demanding allegiance to the newest spineless, corporate candidate in a long line of spineless, corporate candidates. This week, Emma Vigeland, Kat Blaque and I air our grievances with a man who believes in nothing, and a party that touts democracy while practicing nothing of the sort. We all deserve better.

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