Bad Movies Rule!

James Garner owns a fully operational Sherman tank and uses it to stick it to a corrupt sheriff after his son gets railroaded in this 1984 “sticking it to the man” oddity. Join James, Clint, Ryan Mueller (the mayor) as they react to the trailer, spiral into increasingly unhinged predictions about prison breaks, presidential pardons, and “Jail Jail,” and debate whether anyone actually dies in this PG-rated tank rampage that somehow includes nudity.

Tank currently sits at a 33% critic score, 48% audience score, and a 5.8 on IMDb. It’s not streaming free, but you can rent it for $3.99 on Amazon or YouTube if you want to go in prepared.

Does the tank rule, or is it ass cheeks? Pull up a chair and find out.

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We made it to November. Halloween is over, Christmas is creeping in, and the mailbag is stacked.

This week the table is covered in packages. We’ve got a Turbo Man Funko (Howard as Turbo Man, specifically), a full 12-pack of Cheer wine from Daniel, and a plush starfish mascot from Cory that is already destined for the pre- and post-game table. On top of that, a whole stack of movies landed: Expendables collection, The Frighteners, Doctor Detroit, Critters (the whole set), Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, Black Christmas, Not Another Teen Movie, The Pirate Movie, Pirates of Penzance, Krampus, Jack and Jill, King Solomon’s Mines, Dollman / Demonic Toys, Kentucky Fried Movie, and more. Some of these are going straight into the reacts pile.

We also got into emails and voicemails covering:

• How the show went from “talk about the movie” to full scene-by-scene breakdowns
• Which Fast & Furious / racing movie world you’d actually want to live in
• A drunk Waylon from Indianapolis calling to tell us Bob is the only one who doesn’t suck (multiple times)
• A wrestling RPG tag-team match question (who’s your partner, who’s the BMR crew member you’re fighting, and who’s their partner?)
• Resident Evil thoughts from across the ocean
• Kids headbanging to the mailbag theme and a 12-year-old who’s already a Terminator 2 / RoboCop guy
• Silence of the Lambs and the “Big Five” Oscars trivia
• A World Series update from a Rays fan who was at the game
• A “one drunk actor per scene” movie concept
• And a first-time email from a mailman who’s been through the whole catalog

Plus the usual chaos, inside jokes, and people who sent movies with zero notes (we still love you).

If you want in on the next one:
Email: thisshowistrash@gmail.com
Voicemail: (262) 757-8567
Physical mail: Bad Movies Rule! P.O. Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105

Reacts from a lot of these movies are going up on the main YouTube channel, so keep an eye out.

Thanks for sending the goodies and the messages. This is the highlight of the week.

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Ten years of peace in Haddonfield. Then the Shape gets wheeled out of a boiler room on the eve of Halloween, wakes up in an ambulance, and decides it’s time to finish what he started.

We’re breaking down Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988) with Bob Hauser (resident Halloween obsessive), Ryan Farrell, and Rachel Glassford. We’re talking the return of Donald Pleasence going full unhinged Loomis, Danielle Harris as young Jamie, Ellie Cornell as one of the most competent final girls in the entire franchise, the pink-and-blonde mask disaster, the substation, the posse of Flat Billy’s, the roof chase, and that ending twist that still catches people off guard.

Is this a confident, well-made sequel that actually looks and feels like fall in the Midwest, or is it another case of “we need Michael back, figure it out later”? We dig into the practical effects, the weird metaphysics, the tactical decisions Michael makes that somehow include driving stick and parallel parking a tow truck, and whether Rachel puts the whole movie on her back.

We also hand out the Will Patton Intensity Award, the Trash Can Full of Dirt, and the One Scene Wonder, then land on whether this one is a Bad Movie That Rules or a Good Movie Straight Up.

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The BMR Dead Starfish are suiting up for a big one: Michael Myers in Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. One host is going in completely blind (he’s never seen a Myers movie), the other has seen through Part 5 plus the Rob Zombie ones, and the scouting report is all over the place.

They break down the Rotten Tomatoes scores (42% critics, 54% audience), the 2.8 Letterboxd rating, and a wild mix of reviews — from “greatest film of all time” to “too much Myers but also no Myers, and rednecks.” Then they watch the trailer, roast the janky mask, and lock in bold predictions: kill count (high teens vs. under), how the Shape gets taken out this time, and whether there’s a family-driven motive bringing him back after ten years.

If you haven’t seen it yet, watch Halloween 4 first (streaming on AMC+ or rent it for $3.99 on Prime) so you can jump in with the full episode on Friday. The post-game drops the same day on Patreon.

Brought to you by Rubber Fresh — make that murder mask smell like a pile of roses.

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Light physical mail week, so we dubbed it the Ryan Mailbag and immediately got handed Under the Rainbow—Chevy Chase, Carrie Fisher, and the largest gathering of little people ever assembled for a Wizard of Oz munchkin debauchery comedy. We still don’t fully know what happens in it. We just know the stories are wild.

Erin writes in about the Friday the 13th Part 3 episode and nearly dies laughing over hammock sex, dead starfish, pooping-while-getting-killed jokes, and Bob’s delicate butthole. Josh checks in from Myrtle Beach after living in an actual Crystal Lake, nine years cancer free, sitting by the lake with a room-temperature Pepsi and a Hershey’s Fifth Avenue to honor his grandfather. Kevin wants a Dead or Alive review and drops BloodRayne as a suggestion that will haunt us. James finds out EA closed BioWare and canceled Mass Effect 5 mid-development and has some feelings about it.

Voicemails bring Sean from Missouri ranking the entire Leprechaun series (Origins is the worst, In the Hood is a classic), Travis from Pennsylvania with a heavy personal update that the show helped him through, and Christian from South Africa talking voice work that includes a George Takei restaurant and some very questionable film titles. Lion Steve wants our thoughts on Tulsa King, The Pit, Grimm, and Reacher. Then Jake sends us on a Google Street View tour of DeSoto, Missouri that starts with Jeff Speakman energy and ends in senior apartments and pure anticlimax.

Emails, voicemails, movie arrivals, video game grief, and one town that sucks. The usual mailbag energy.

Email: thisshowistrash@gmail.com
Voicemail: (262) 757-8567
Mail: Bad Movies Rule, P.O. Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105
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Alice is back in another underground Umbrella lab, clones are running wild, and Jill Valentine is somehow worse than ever. We go scene-by-scene through the fifth Resident Evil movie — reverse openings, napkin awakenings, laser grids, Tokyo simulations, Call of Duty zombies, ax-wielding giants, and a White House finale that somehow feels like Mordor. Bob, Joe, and Stephanie join James as the chaos escalates, the running gags pile up, and we hand out the usual awards. Does this one rule, or is it just another bad movie? You’ll have to listen to find out.

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The BMR Pregame Show is live from Raccoon City. James, Clint, and Ryan get you ready for this Friday’s full episode on Resident Evil Retribution (2012) — the fifth movie in the series and the one where things have almost certainly stopped pretending to make sense.

They haven’t seen it yet. That doesn’t stop them from putting the scores on trial (28% critics, 51% audience), comparing it to the last one they covered, reacting to the trailer, and making kill-count and bold predictions. Bob, Joe, and Steph are on the actual episode Friday. Clint and Ryan are not.

In this pregame:

• Tale of the tape and how it stacks up to the previous Resident Evil movies
• Where you can stream it right now (Netflix and Prime) so you can watch before Friday
• Trailer reaction
• Kill count and left-field predictions
• Who’s actually on the Friday episode

Watch the movie before Friday if you can — it makes the episode better. Drop your thoughts, the exact scene where the series fully jumps the shark, or your own predictions in the comments or at trashterpiece@gmail.com.

Full episode drops Friday, October 23rd. Stick around after for the postgame on Patreon.

Timestamps (approximate from the recording): 0:00 – Intro + fake ads from Raccoon City
1:00 – Setting the scene for Resident Evil Retribution
2:00 – Scores and why it qualifies
4:30 – How it compares to Afterlife
5:30 – Where to stream it + runtime
7:00 – By movie 5 they’ve stopped pretending
9:00 – Trailer reaction
12:40 – Kill count & bold predictions
17:50 – Who’s on Friday’s episode
19:00 – Watch it first + postgame CTA

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The mailbag is stacked this week. A Beaverton care package delivers Oregon saltwater taffy (pickle pieces quarantined) plus a full Macho Man Randy Savage rap CD that disses Hogan. The movie haul includes a bloody In a Violent Nature collector’s set, The Burning, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, brutal WWII John Wick-style action, and the complete Leprechaun collection just in time for the new series.

BJ from Six Flags Great America sends FrightFest passes and a personal invite. Bobcat from Fargo drops a sled-dog Alaska story, a signed Billy Zane Phantom photo, a Teen Wolf Funko, Battlefield Earth on VHS, Chuck Norris in Good Guys Wear Black, Kevin Sorbo as Call the Conqueror, David Carradine in Dino Croc, and snacks that include chicken-and-waffle Oreos and garlic pickle popcorn.

Voicemails bring DJ’s Homer City street-view roast, Bradley’s Cyborg/Spy Hard/Waterworld lessons (night guns, flip-flop awards, Bullet Face, Chisum earworms), and Rob’s Neighbors/Doctor Detroit deep cut with Belushi, Aykroyd, and Fear on SNL. Emails settle the Friday the 13th hammock question, pitch a Dirt Bike Kid react, force a Fifth Element vs. Starship Troopers vs. Waterworld survival pick, and force the crew to read the actual “Big Bad Wolf” Teen Wolf lyrics out loud.

Plus the usual Packers-Bears fallout.

Physical mail, voicemails, and emails all open. P.O. Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105 or ThisShowIsTrash@gmail.com or 262-757-8567 if you want in next time.

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Warwick Davis in the role that somehow launched an eight-movie franchise. Jennifer Aniston in her first big movie. And Dana joins the show for the very first time to help us figure out how a movie this dumb got made.

We dig into the clover rules, the inconsistent powers, the flashlight beatdowns, and whether the leprechaun was ever actually the villain or just a small guy who wanted his gold back. Spoiler: opinions are split, and nobody is fully ready for how not-scary this thing is.

Full uncut version available on Patreon.

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BMR Pregame: Leprechaun (1993). The Dead Starfish lace up against a little guy in a box, and nobody on the panel has a clean memory of how this actually goes.

From the trailer we try to figure out why a Dick Tracy extra is mailing a leprechaun, why Jennifer Aniston’s feet are Quentin Tarantino’s favorite shot, and why nobody in this house can just leave. Predictions cover the shipping theory, the car that will not start, the body count, and who walks out. Ryan is chasing another dead-even split. Somebody else is calling a blowout the other way.

Friday, October 16: Leprechaun. Dave and Brian from Sam Movie Jam join Mattila and the crew.

Bad Movies Rule! is a weekly roast of the movies you were not supposed to love. New episodes Fridays at 7 PM CST.

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The boxes are jammed and the snacks have their own storage unit. Daniel More sent Cheerwine and a whole snack bunker from North Carolina, Ryan Morenci loaded us up with pork rinds and cookies, and Combat Wiener Dog mailed Gary Busey keychains plus a stack of stickers that include a Die Hard duck and a Sean Connery loser quote. Movies in the pile: Guns Akimbo, TerrorVision, The Video Dead, Wing Commander, and a Stephen King triple of the Tim Curry It, the Steven Weber Shining, and Salem's Lot.

Then the mail turns on us. Steven Serna assigns every host a BMR movie that matches their persona. Joseph Paces fantasy-drafts a real Terror Squad (Chuck Connors, Steve James, Billy Drago, and a few more). Eric Valov demands a new nickname because he will not share Rubber Lover. Craig Soto, listening since 2021, writes in with a life update that we are absolutely taking credit for. Greg from New Jersey reports back from an AC/DC show and Hell's Bells. HR resigns after the counter hit five. Mr. Anonymous defends Final Destination 5 and 7. Timothy Caldwell puts Monster Squad back on the October list and calls out the Terror Squad vote. Matt calls from Seville with a Great Outdoors credits Easter egg. Chris calls from South Africa after committing the sin of listening to the competition. Bill closes it by singing the Teen Wolf basketball song straight through.

Email thisshowistrash@gmail.com, call or leave a voicemail at (262) 757-8567, or send physical mail to Bad Movies Rule, P.O. Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105.

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Friday the 13th Part 3 finally gets the BMR treatment, and the Human Movie Database is back in the room to help survive it. Ryan Farrell returns after four months away, the same crew from Part 2 is assembled, and Jason is now a ripped pro wrestler in a hockey mask that only exists because a lighting test went sideways.

Steve Miner (or Stefan, depending who you ask) shoots the whole thing in 3D, so laundry poles, yo-yos, and the slowest harpoon in horror history are aimed straight at your face. The disco credits never charted, except in gay nightclubs. The movie knocked E.T. out of the number-one spot. Harold is eating donuts off the shelf and getting murdered on the toilet. A biker named Loco attacks a rope. Somebody has hammock sex. Somebody else dies mid-handstand. And Chris delivers a backstory monologue so stiff it got studied in academia.

We cover the accidental birth of the mask, the barn Jason was just trying to nap in, why Part 2 suddenly looks like Cannes, and whether anyone in this cast can say a line like a human being. Awards get handed out. The final verdict does not get spoiled here.

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The BMR pregame is back, and this week the boys are getting ready for Friday the 13th Part 3 in 3D. James, Clint, and Ryan settle the “we already did Jason Goes to Space, so why are we going backwards?” argument, recap how badly the Final Destination predictions went, and then watch the trailer like professionals who definitely know how IMDb works.

Predictions are locked: one survivor or a last-second fake-out, body counts from 8 to 12, yo-yo guy is doomed, a woods cop is probably not making it, and the 3D gags might be the thing that splits the room. They also check the scores, argue about whether this one even belongs on the show, and map out the rest of the Friday the 13th pile before Halloween.

Streaming on Paramount+. Full roast drops Friday. Postgame is on Patreon the next day.

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The post office called at 11 a.m. and told us to come get our stuff before they start charging rent. We skipped a week. The box retaliated.

This mailbag is Ryan, Clint, and a table full of things we did not earn. Art sent a Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos figure and a pile of Pop Rocks, then stood back. Cory sent a Goldfinger DB5 with a working ejector seat and a 14-and-up warning we immediately stress-tested. A typewriter letter from our dark lord of stubbed toes claims Mattress Mack produced Sidekicks to settle a debt, then pivots into a Walker, Texas Ranger note, a Junior Rangers pitch, and a request that we still do Trial by Fire. We are doing Trial by Fire.

The movie pile is unhinged. Popstar. Grizzly. The Final Girls. Exorcist II. A Titans triple feature nobody can read the year on. Pluto Nash. Hell House LLC. Jack Frost and Christmas Vacation 2. Tammy and the T-Rex. Neighbors. Theodore Rex. Haunted Honeymoon. The Couch Trip. Donnie Darko, which one of us has successfully avoided out of spite. The first season of Welcome to Derry. The Ladies Man. Student Bodies, which promises 1,423 laughs. Then Murph closes the show with a cassette player, a drawing of Arnold and Carl Weathers, and a stack of soundtracks: Rocky IV, Iron Eagle, Rambo, Batman, Lost Boys, Octopussy, Beverly Hills Cop II, and a blank tape we are absolutely sending back as a mix.

Emails and voicemails cover a Terminal Velocity voting apology, a Sleepaway Camp curve argument, sword-and-sandal picks from Canada, a Mississippi spelling lesson, a Robert Englund convention story, Richard Pryor’s Moving, and Brian Boucher lobbying for movies that still shoot in actual towns. Kokomo, we are coming.

Packages, letters, and voicemails: ThisShowIsTrash@gmail.com and 262-757-8567

BMR Hits the Spot playlist is on Spotify if you want the soundtrack version of this problem.

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This episode is sponsored by Quince - 40% off and free shipping here, and it supports the show! -quince.com/badmovies

A kid has a vision, his mom rips the good-luck tag off his luggage, and an entire plane full of students explodes. The movie says it's death. We say it's mom.

Stephanie is back, Brian Draws Movies is back, and Jesse returns to the studio with a confession: his younger self, who loved this movie on VHS, might have been a dumbass. Or he's sandbagging. You'll have to stick around to find out.

On the scene-by-scene, we dig into the FBI agents who wandered in from an X-Files reject pile, the most baffling memorial sculpture ever unveiled, an owl with a front-row seat to Devon Sawa's private time, a small-town mortician who is extremely obviously Candyman, and the forensic breakthrough of the century: caramelized blood. Plus a 47-year-old baby, a girl named Clear Rivers (yes, on purpose), Seann William Scott one year after Stifler, a sentient live wire with a grudge, and a death-fart theory that may have cost one of us a night on the couch.

Then we hand out the hardware, including the Will Patton Award for Intensity and the Steven Seagal Trash Can Full of Dirt, before the final verdict. Is this a horror classic that still holds up, or did we all just have terrible taste in 2000?

Also, Arnold Schwarzenegger punches death in Paris. It goes about how you'd expect.

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Death has a boarding pass and a sense of humor. This Friday we kick off spooky season with the movie that turned everyday objects into murder weapons: Final Destination (2000).

A teen has a vision of a plane exploding, yanks his friends off the flight… and then Death starts collecting. Elaborate “accidents.” Rube Goldberg kill scenes. Ali Larter. Tony Todd’s voice of doom. The question isn’t if someone’s next. It’s how stupid the next chain reaction will look.

On this episode: Stephanie’s official monthly-rotation comeback, Brian, and Jessie Hurst returning for the first time since Episode 9 (The Fifth Element). We watch the trailer, argue body counts, guess who actually walks away, and try not to get judged in the post-game.

Go watch it first if you can — it’s on HBO Max right now (or $4 to rent). You’ll have more fun roasting the deaths with us.

Episode drops Friday.
Pregame is already live.
Post-game breakdown lives on Patreon only.

See you on the other side of the explosion.

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James, Clint, and Ryan open another BMR mailbag and immediately hire a guy who sent a resume they can’t open.

Jesse Rubin gets fired from Publix, attaches an Apple Pages file, then saves himself with juice samples and walks out as Jesse Juice. Jesse Snyder praises the new mailbag guitar riff and launches a full chaps vs. ass-chaps debate courtesy of Terminal Velocity. Sean from Jefferson City says the show actually improved his mood. Ryan drops a spoiler-free take on the new Resident Evil. Special Ed Fred requests an emotional-support hotline and almost doxxes himself. Clint recaps Ginger Man / 24 Hours of LeMans (2nd in class) and points everyone to the shirtless car-wash clip. Mike Goede admits he voted Vertical Limit then buried it in awards, hopes for a 2027 calendar, and says the movies have become a family thing. Bill Gerson floats the forgotten Mr. T series T and T. A Des Moines caller describes a raccoon that nodded at him and fled a pitbull. Greg from New Jersey hits Rad Day, the Transformers 40th, and pitches Mean Guns. Adam writes in after a breakup and the table actually shows up for him. Rocker demands a Kent, Washington roast and gets Amazon warehouses and Ernie’s Fuel Stop. Trapper Dave offers to drop a raccoon in the studio. James counters with the Grass Lake Road garbage-can raccoon and a scuba air rifle.

Email: thisshowistrash@gmail.com
Voicemail: (262) 757-8567
Mail: Bad Movies Rule, PO Box 383, Burlington, WI 53105
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Terror Squad (1987) takes four terrorists, a nuclear plant, and the entire town of Kokomo, Indiana, and somehow still finds time for detention, aerobics, and a car chase that will not end.

Chuck Connors is the chief of police. High schoolers are doing Breakfast Club in a boiler room. Somebody brought an RPG to a cornfield. And yes — the bus changes size mid-movie and they thought you wouldn’t notice.

James, Ryan, Curt, and Dave tear through Peter Maris’s only-in-the-80s pileup: Death-to-America cold open, hot-dog-bun recon, grocery-guy stunt work, harmonica timing, homemade crossbows, and the longest white-sedan demolition derby Kokomo ever paid for.

Awards. Recasts. The one scene that made the whole table lose it. Patreon votes in the mix.

If you like practical explosions, plans that last 20 feet, and small-town cop movies that forget what town they’re in — this is the one.

Got a correction, a voicemail, or a theory about where they got the second RPG?

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Curt Mummer drops in with a $40 bottle of chocolate banana Fanta that tastes like a plumber’s aftertaste, a two-year-old wrapped around a banana, and the paper wrapper on a Tootsie Roll. Nobody likes it. Everybody respects the bit.

The table also gets a last-minute Chuck Norris Karate Commandos figure (stache era, no beard, full mullet), a “You Should Leave” horror welcome sign from Kerry Ahern (Freddy, Ghostface, Chucky — welcome crossed out), and three movies in the mail: Cronenberg’s Shivers and Videodrome plus Gregory Hines in White Nights.

Then the BMRmy unloads:

David from New Hampshire lets his dogs out and a raccoon runs across his bare feet, hisses from the railing, and leaves a five-inch scratch that turns into six rabies shots and a scar. The table immediately offers competing raccoon stories, a chipmunk bite, attic babies, and one shotgun-in-the-neighborhood tale.

Vickie calls from the UK with box three incoming — prawn cocktail crisps, biscuits, and something special for James.

Michael Bjork congratulates Grandpa James, finally says something nice about Bob (it only took Teen Wolf), drops werewolf lore (full moon and silver arrived late), and asks about the competition and We Can Do It Better.

Matt clocks that High Chief Peter Maivia — The Rock’s grandfather — was the henchman and the fight choreographer in You Only Live Twice. Die Another Episode gets another vote.

Uncle Nasty writes in about missing The Prophecy awards, a brother who kept alligators in the bathtub, and a real mental-health check. The table stops being idiots for a minute and tells him to stay.

Bradley Great Scott calls in with Lessons From Bad Movies (Cool as Ice, Rad, American Ninja, Masters of the Universe, Garbage Pail Kids, Hard to Kill, Surviving the Game). Trapper Dave offers to source a raccoon. Art from Chicago IDs Chomp the Snapper in Humboldt Park and gives Madeline an Alaska timing warning. Dwayne from Tennessee insists burning the house in Vampires just makes them a cocoon. The guys disagree. Loudly.

Same contacts as always. Same chaos. Send more.

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Charlie Sheen is Ditch Brodie: Olympic gymnast, flying penis, and the only skydiving instructor who thinks “I hooked her in like I always do” is a solid alibi. Nastassja Kinski shows up wanting lessons and immediately vanishes mid-flight. James Gandolfini plays the world’s least convincing deputy DA. Christopher McDonald (Shooter McGavin himself) brings rubber gloves, a knife for a business card, and enough intensity to win the Will Patton award in a landslide.

Joe, Rachel, and Dr. Ryan Mattila join James for a full scene-by-scene roast of this Point Break knockoff that Hollywood built around stunts first and a plot later. Expect dummy bounces that look like MythBusters rejects, a Cadillac driven out the back of a plane, night jumps into silos, a rocket car that has never been tested, and more one-liners than a movie like this has any right to deliver.

Is it a good movie? Is it a bad movie that rules? The table is split. The patrons who voted it in are even more split. We talk gymnastics backstory that nobody needed, gold bars on a commercial flight, windmills in canyons, and why you should never send gold in the mail.

September Patreon push is on — extra shows going out for free so you can see what you’re missing.

Strap in. We’re going terminal.

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