Bad Movies Worse People

It's Whitney's birthday today, so she got to pick what we watch, and she chose George Miller's 1987 flick, Witches of Eastwick, starring Cher, Michelle Pfeiffer, Susan Sarandon, and Jack Nicholson! Three sexy ladies in a small New England town make an unconscious wish for their perfect man and end up with Jack Nicholson. Not exactly what they were looking for, but it turns out he hits all the right buttons... until they realize he might be more than he appears. There's magic, orgies, puritanism, witch-hunting, voodoo dolls, demons, and more laughs than you can shake an enchanted stick at!

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In the second episode of the Clone Wars Mortis Arc, "Altar of Mortis", things take a turn for the worse when the Son kidnaps Ahsoka and corrupts her with the dark side in an attempt to recruit Anakin to his cause. What follows is a series of messy family disputes, lightsaber fights, and questionable parenting decisions, as the Son tries to overthrow his Father and Sister.

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We're almost done with Halloween Horrorfest for this year, but we couldn't go out one of the greats! This week we're talking John Carpenter's much maligned 1998 flick, VAMPIRES! James Woods and Daniel Baldwin's team of character actor vampire hunters get obliterated and they have to hunt down the man who did it, Terry Silver from Karate Kid 3, with the help of a nerdy priest and Laura Palmer herself. Its campy, its cheesy, its outdated in a lot of ways, but god damn it, its fun.

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Canadian Cotton Clothiers is a high-end, "organic, cruelty-free" clothing chain, and they're about to debut the brand-new Super Shapers, pants that can conform to any wearer, seemingly like magic. The sales team is on lockdown the night before the big release when one of the pairs of pants inexplicably comes to life and starts brutally murdering anyone in its path. Will newcomer Libby be able to stop the pants and discover their secret before the store opens in the morning? Have we ever asked a dumber question with a straight face? The answer to these questions and more this week when we talk about Slaxx, baby!

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In "Overlords", Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka find themselves stranded on Mortis, a mysterious planet where the Force is unusually strong and the laws of reality seem a little more flexible than usual. The Father, Son, and Daughter inhabit the planet, and each represents different aspects of the Force. Naturally, things get complicated almost immediately, because leaving the Jedi alone with mysterious Force entities has never been a particularly safe bet.

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Anton (Devon Sawa) is your typical 90s stoner teen, friendly, unambitious, and perpetually in a haze, preferring to sit and watch TV over anything else. He's too stoned to notice there's a serial killer on the loose in his town until his parents turn up dead and he realizes the serial killer is him... or at least his hand! This silly horror/comedy also stars Seth Green and Elden Henson as Sawa's dearly departed pothead friends, Jessica Alba as his neighborhood crush/horniest girl in town, and Lifetime's own Vivica A. Fox as a smoking hot druidic priestess with a thirst for vengeance!

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Derrick has been talking about this one for a while: a 1980s Jaws rip-off from the Australian outback directed by the man behind previous episodes Highlander and The Shadow! A vicious boar terrorizes the citizens of a small town in the outback, including an animal rights journalist from the US in town to do an exposé on kangaroo slayings. When her fiancé comes looking for answers following her death, he gets more than he bargained for with insane Aussie rednecks, temptation from a sexy young lady, and a hunter hell-bent on killing the.... RAZORBACK!

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We're kicking the can down the road here on Han Took Shots First, waiting for the premiere of Ahsoka's second season before we finally move on to the dreaded sequel trilogy, so we decided to cover some lesser-known Star Wars properties, starting with 1984's made-for-TV Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure! After their ship crash lands on the forest moon of Endor, Mace and Cindel find themselves separated from their parents. They team up with a group of Ewoks, including an Ewok medicine man, lumberjack, priestess and Wicket W. Warrick himself, to track down their parents and rescue them from the vicious Gorax.

BONUS! After the closing theme song rolls, we have a special feature discussing the trailer for Ahsoka Season 2!

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Look, Officer, Nic Cage didn't mean to kill that guy; he just doesn't know his own brute strength! After serving his time, Nic Cage (playing Cameron Poe), just wants to get home to see his little girl, but John Malkovich (Cyrus the Virus) has other plans. As Malkovich and other convicts (including Steve Buscemi, Ving Rhames, Danny Trejo and MC Gainey) take over Con Air, Nic Cage gets help from FBI agent John Cusack and guard-turned-prisoner Rachel Ticotin (also in Turbulence) to bring the plane down safely... on the Las Vegas Strip! Put the bunny back in the box and tune in to hear us talk all about another 90s action classic.

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In Turbulence, we get one of Ray Liotta's most unhinged performances, and an absolute batsh*t crazy movie. We also have the great Brendan Gleeson trying some kind of accent and Lauren Holly waking up occasionally to deliver her lines. Liotta plays a serial killer being escorted to LA for his trial when things go off the rails on this holiday flight, and he takes over the plane, terrorizing the flight attendants and a few passengers on board. Seriously, guys... Liotta is off the fucking rails in this one.

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In "The Jedi, the Witch, and the Warlord", Part 8, and the season finale of Ahsoka, Ezra gets to build a new lightsaber, Morgan Elsbeth gets juiced up superwitch powers, and Ahsoka, Sabine, and Ezra face off against an army of zombie stormtroopers. Grand Admiral Thrawn takes his chance to escape home while Ahsoka and Sabine are marooned, Shin Hati gains an army, and Baylan Skoll continues to try to fulfill his mysterious ends.

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This week, we're (sky)diving into the tried-too-hard-to-be-a-cult-classic Sam Jackson flick, Snakes on a Plane! Some dweeb witnesses a gangland murder, so to stop him from testifying, a crime lord releases a nest of snakes high on pheromones into a passenger plane. Samuel L. Jackson, Julianna Margulies, Keenan Thompson, Lin Shaye, and a cast of nobodies have to find a way to survive the trip and land the plane. It's a dumb as hell time, but hey, it's in the name of the podcast.

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We're kicking the month off with a 90s action thriller, Executive Decision. Starring Kurt Russell and Steven Seagal (kind of), a team of elite operatives and an analyst work to stop a terrorist attack aboard a 747. Johnny Legz, Joe Morton and Halle Berry round out the cast, and, in case you were wondering, yes, we do get to see Steven Seagal die!

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In Part 7 of Ahsoka, "Dreams and Madness", Sabine finally reaches Peridea in the captivity of Morgan Elsbeth and Baylan Skoll. She is sent out to search for her long-lost friend Ezra, while Grand Admiral Thrawn and the Great Mothers make the final preparations for their journey back to a galaxy far, far away (but slightly closer).

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Who run Bartertown? For the conclusion of Augustralia, we're talking deathmatches, wild children, fast cars, leather harnesses, and Tina Turner in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. Is this movie as bad as its reputation or does it get a bum wrap? Join us as we dive into the bastard Mel Gibson's final performance as George Miller's iconic Max Rockatansky!

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Two young BMX experts, PJ and Goose, meet Judy (played by a very young Nicole Kidman), and they hit it off immediately. They find some walkie-talkies to be used in a bank robbery and uncover the thieves, finding themselves in a race against the villains and the cops, and luckily their BMX experience comes in handy as they navigate their way through fast-paced chases using clever tricks and BMX skills, culminating in a memorable set piece involving waterslides, bags of flour, foaming fertilizer and their sweet bikes.

Kanopy - Pluto - Tubi - Amazon $6 to rent, $15 to buy

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We're back with another edition of Han Took Shots First, talking this week about Ahsoka Part Six: Far, Far Away. Baylon, Shin, Morgan and Sabine finally meet up with Thrawn, in his first ever live-action appearance. Sabine is sent off to search for her old friend Ezra Bridger, and potentially sent to her death as Balyon and Shin follow her shortly after to make sure the two Rebels don't find their way back to the Nightwitch stronghold. Meanwhile, Ahsoka and Huyang are hoping a ride in a space whale and hoping to get to Peridea in time to stop Thrawn's evil plan.

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In his follow-up to The Crow, Alex Proyas introduces us to a world in perpetual darkness, populated by actors like Rufus Sewell, Jennifer Connelly, Kiefer Sutherland and William Hurt. John Murdoch awakens in a hotel room with the mutilated body of a young woman, with no memory of his past. He is pursued by the police and a group of mysterious men adorned in black known as The Strangers. He is forced to unravel the secrets of Dark City, a city whose architecture shifts on a nightly basis and whose inhabitants don't seem to know how to leave. Heavy in mystery, this neo-noir science fiction tale features amazing effects work and a winding and weaving story that failed to connect with audiences at the time, but has become a cult classic over the years, especially with the release of the Director's Cut.

Kanopy - Tubi - Amazon $4 to rent, $10 to buy - Apple $4 to rent, $5 to buy

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Yahoo Serious stars in, writes, and directs this flick that follows Albert Einstein as he uncovers the formula E=MC² after a night of heavy drinking, leading to the splitting of the beer atom and the discovery of adding bubbles to beer. This leads him on an odyssey across Australia on which he meets famed scientist Marie Curie, and pompous patent clerk Preston Preston, who wants to sell his formula to the Bavarian Brothers. Along the way, he invents rock and roll, the electric violin, and surfing, all while wooing Curie and trying to save his discovery from evil doers.

Amazon $4 to rent, $10 to buy - Apple $4 to rent

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Our journey through the Star Wars universe continues with Ahsoka Part Five: Shadow Warrior. Ahsoka is thought lost and Sabine has been whisked away to Peridea. Hera Syndulla and a band of New Republic pilots, including our old friend Carson Teva, search for Ahsoka on Seatos against the orders of their higher ups. Meanwhile, Ahsoka is trapped in The World Between Worlds, having a revelatory therapy session with her old master, none of than Anakin Skywalker! We learn a lot about Ahsoka's past, and her potential future as she comes to terms with her master's fate and who she has to become.

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