Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

Five very impressive large molded dolphins.

We have one last stop on our tour... Nashville!! Buy tickets at http://beachtoosandy.com/

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Head to http://talkiatry.com/beach to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in‐network psychiatrist in just a few minutes.

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I'm going to bury you with your comrades.

We're on tour! Get your tickets for our remaining Louisville & Nashville shows at http://beachtoosandy.com

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Book a complimentary financial planning call with an Arca advisor at http://arcawealth.com/beach.

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Does your eggplant come with skin?

Nutrafol is offering our listeners $15 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit http://nutrafol.com/ and enter promo code BEACHTOOSANDY.

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I wouldn't ask for underwear if I didn't need the underwear.

Listen to Who Shat on the Floor at my Wedding? And Other Crimes wherever you get your podcasts and visit whoshatontheflooratmywedding.com for more!

For a limited time our listeners are getting a free full sized Mascara on their first purchase when they head to jonesroadbeauty.com and use code BEACHTOOSANDY at checkout.

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Head to talkiatry.com/beach to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in‐network psychiatrist in just a few minutes.

Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com/beach.

Visit Progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little extra cash back.

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A belly full of white dog turds.

Right now, Fi is offering my listeners up to 30% off and free shipping when you visit http://fitracking.com and enter promo code BEACH.

“Treat, don’t trick, your teeth this month and go to http://shopremi.com/beach and use code BEACH at checkout for 50% off with Remi Club.

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I hate when they put wang in my food.

Follow Michelle on Instagram at @michcoll or @The Michelle Collins Show

We're going on tour! Buy tickets at https://www.beachtoosandy.com/

Book a complimentary financial planning call with an Arca advisor at http://arcawealth.com/beach.

Go to http://dipseastories.com/beach for your first week FREE - then 25% off.

Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit http://nutrafol.com/ and enter promo code BEACHTOOSANDY.

Visit http://progressive.com/ and see if you can enjoy a little extra cash back.

Get $25 off your first purchase when you go to t http://therealreal.com/beach.

Head to http://talkiatry.com/beach to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in‐network psychiatrist in just a few minutes.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A stained crotch is not the experience we wanted for you.

Go to http://zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for 15% off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over $65.

Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to http://quince.com/beachtoosandy.

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Get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at http://bollandbranch.com/toosandy with code TOOSANDY.

Visit http://progressive.com/ after this episode to see if you could save.

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The Mona Lisa, a dildo, or a pug?

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Just a bunch of angry elves.

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R-r-r-r-remix

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Anything that contains and can contain is contained within the container.

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Even Kazoo people use toothpaste.

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Two people wanted to vomit and no one did.

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If they don't care about ducks, they don't care about you either.

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How do you think shoes feel about being entered by feet?

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A cucumber is not an avocado.

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Statistically speaking you're probably no longer a listener.

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This stuff literally tastes like blue cheese and smells like cat piss.

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Nothing about carrots makes me think bougie

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Soggy White Bread was my nickname in high school.

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