Class with Kate

Not all avoidant behavior is necessarily abusive, but when coupled with a lack of repair, a lack of curiosity, and an unresponsiveness to your influence as a partner the dynamic can quickly become abusive. Here I explain the difference between regular avoidance behavior, avoidance with abusive tendencies, and true avoidance abuse so that you have the knowledge and tools to choose your next step.

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In traditional marriage and family therapy, if there's no physical abuse, relationship problems are usually treated as "50/50." I believe this ignores the power dynamics in many relationships between men and women. That's why I coined the term "avoidance abuse": the use of covert power and control in a relationship. It can look like one-sided arguments, no attempts to repair, tone-policing, and withdrawing from the relationship. If this sounds like your marriage, it's not your fault, it's not a 50/50 issue, and there are steps you can take.

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Emotional neglect can happen to any child in any household. However, all it takes is one stable adult in a child’s life to counteract this neglect! Now the question is: how can we heal this trauma as an adult?

In this second video of my emotional neglect series, I explain the importance of healthy relationships for our overall wellbeing, how therapy can give us the experience that parents typically should, and how we ourselves can become the adult we needed as children.

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The ACE study found 10 types of childhood trauma that directly impacted health in adulthood, but no one talks about the most pervasive kind: emotional neglect. This kind of trauma is often invisible to outsiders and even to the children who experience it because it's not about what happened to you, it's about what DIDN'T happen.

In this video I go over three common types of emotional neglect, including problem-solving without care, spiritual bypass, and toxic positivity. In the rest of this series, I will give you the tools you need to stop neglecting yourself as an adult.

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"Gratitude lists" are a staple of self-help advice, but NOT on my channel. The opposite of toxic positivity = actually confronting the negative parts of your life and getting ANGRY.

In this third video of my emotions series, I offer 3 practical tools to feel your real feelings safely: hate lists, tapping, and emotional forecasting.

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Refusing to name your emotions doesn't mean they aren't there. Hustle culture tells us to be "logical" rather than emotional, but you can't actually make a change if you avoid your feelings. In this second video of my Emotions 101 series, I share the most important step to becoming more present in your feelings: NAME IT TO TAME IT.

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Hustle culture tells us to suck it up and "just do it," but when you ignore the fire in your heart, your brain has to deal with the smoke. In this first video in my emotions series, I'll show you how to actually feel your feelings before you "change your mindset."

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Many parents will say they “didn’t mean” to hurt you, but never actually change their hurtful behavior. When it comes to our children, we have to focus on the impact of our actions, NOT our intentions.

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Snatching toys doesn’t make your child a "bad kid,” they might’ve learned the behavior from you. If you want to stop this behavior at the root you have to start with yourself. Here I introduce the term childism, point out how it might be showing up in your parenting, and offer a method that will help you AND your child make better choices.

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When our kids misbehave, it's important to know why before correcting. With other adults, the complete opposite is true. Here I explain the difference between a "bottom-up" approach and a "top-down" approach, and how to know which one actually applies to your situation.

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If you grew up with a parent who only saw you for your behavior and not your inner world, your ignored emotions probably show up in ways you wish they didn’t. You don’t have to keep living like this! You can show yourself the love you should have received before by actually meeting your own needs, and the method I introduce explains exactly how.

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Your kid isn't being "bad" when it's time to get in the carseat, but your mentality towards it is holding you back. Here I introduce you to the term "childism" and name it as the cause to this issue, and maybe many other parenting issues you may be having! Then I give you a method that will actually work to change this.. every single time.

In this video: what childism actually is, how it holds you back, and the tool you NEED (BEND method) to change this for good. What is YOUR carseat struggle? Tell me below!

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This concludes our series on BAD COUPLES THERAPY… for now. Here Kate meets with Martha and Megan, who have both experienced bad therapy, to very different degrees. Learn when it’s time to report vs when it’s time to find someone else.

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Renee comes to Class with Kate after her husband of 20 years had an affair. She wonders what to do and if her husband is really capable of repair. She then adds her experiences with couples therapy, which reflect Sarah and Renee’s experiences (in the previous episode). Listen to what Kate has to say about how to move forward.

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Both Sarah and Renee have been unhappily married to their partners for quite some time. When they have sought out couples therapy, they have gotten no meaningful support. Listen to their stories and how Kate helps them advocate for themselves.

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Are all relationships 50/50? For every action, there is an equal reaction, right? That’s how therapists have been trained to treat couples. But what about in cases of abuse? Let’s talk about when couples therapy harms women and how to advocate for yourself.

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Content Warning: Discussion of childhood abuse, neglect, physical punishment, and trauma.

John came into Office Hours worried about his attitude, his relationships, and the growing distance between himself and his children. But as he shares stories from his childhood, a much bigger picture emerges.

Growing up with neglectful, emotionally abandoning parents, living in a hoarded home, and experiencing harsh physical punishment shaped far more than John realized. As we unpack his history together, I challenge the belief that he's simply an angry person and explore whether depression, grief, and unresolved trauma may be at the root of what he's experiencing today.

This episode is a powerful look at how childhood abuse can become invisible to the people who survived it and how healing begins when we stop minimizing what happened.

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This class started with an unexpected problem: Kate couldn't think.

What looked like simple brain fog became a live demonstration of what it means to listen to yourself instead of pushing harder. Rather than forcing her way through it, Kate used the BEND framework in real time to understand what her mind and body were trying to communicate.

The result was an unplanned but powerful lesson about emotional awareness, nervous system regulation, parenting, and the kind of self-care that actually creates change.

Because real self-care isn't just getting your nails done. It's learning how to pay attention to yourself when something feels off.

In this episode:

• Kate uses BEND live to work through brain fog
• What brain fog can reveal about your emotional state
• Why pushing through often makes things worse
• How parents can model emotional awareness for their children
• The difference between self-care and self-avoidance
• How to build a more trusting relationship with yourself

The lesson wasn't the one Kate planned to teach—but it might be the one people need most.

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In Part 2 of My DIL Stopped Talking to Me, Kate sits down one-on-one with Tiffany to go deeper into her estrangement from her son and daughter-in-law.

As the conversation unfolds, Tiffany identifies some influence related to what Kate calls the adultosphere—the internet space that believes younger generations are cutting people off for no reason and don't value family. Together, they unpack what may actually be happening beneath that story, explore the missing context, and identify what Tiffany can do next.

This episode is a powerful look at estrangement, grief, motherhood, love and the difference between seeking understanding and seeking blame. Sometimes the path forward starts with asking a different question.

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What happens when an estranged mother-in-law sits down with women who have lived through estrangement from the other side?

In this episode of Office Hours, Tiffany shares her pain as an estranged MIL. Christina reflects on reconnecting with her father after 20 years of estrangement, while Amber offers insight from her healthy relationship with her own mother-in-law.

With Kate facilitating the conversation, the women explore hurt, accountability, family dynamics, and the longing for connection. What emerges is a powerful moment of understanding—and a reminder that love and support can still exist even when relationships are complicated.

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