Cryptidiots

The train has gone fully off the rails, at least for Dan, just somehow managed to, in a rare turn of events, stay on track. But you know what? You get a front row seat to the lunacy! So grab your popcorn and hold onto your butts for this star-studded (*wink*) episode on the alien civilization known as The Pleiadians. K love you bye!!

This one doesn’t suck, but Ludwig does! In this wonderfully whimsical episode for which John did no work (okay, to be fair it was a planned outage because he’s been on set all week) Dan talks about his new idol Nellie Bly and her encounters on the haunted Roosevelt Island, we go to the Earth TV universe, and we pay a little visit to the home of a man named Ludwig the Bloodsucker. Come get it!

The Idiots investigate the Van Meter Visitor, a nine-foot-tall, bat-winged cryptid with a stench so powerful it may erase your memory. They also discuss the Silurian Hypothesis, play a

literature-themed round of CrypTrivia, and debate whether skunk spray technically counts as a fart, all leading up to the Van Meter Visitor taking on the Mantis Man in a Cryptid-Off that ends with the first coin toss in Cryptidiots histor

Mantis alive! What an ep! Dan and John are separated by time and space, but connected by a love for bringing you all such truly groundbreaking content as Dr Phil, the (unofficial) UFO Ambassador for the US (and that's true), proof of Aliens via a haphazardly scrawled note, and tales of a little Cryptid known as the Mantis Man. So come on in!

The Idiots head into the Ozarks in search of a bear-sized, red-eyed creature with a horrifying howl and the unfortunate possibility of simply being a sick normal animal. Along the way, Dan debuts “Scary Presidential” with tales of Abraham Lincoln’s ghost and a dong-hanging Winston Churchill, reenacts first-hand testimony of someone who encountered the Howler in the 1800s, and diagnoses America’s desperate need for a new Walter Matthau.

AUDIO ISSUES :( Well it happened, a goblin got into the clockwork of John's laptop and poisoned our audio files. But, being the fastidious professionals we are, we recorded a backup! It's just a bit low quality. Nonetheless, please enjoy this episode wherein John updates the world on the Moon, Snake, Jimothy, and podcast traitors while Dan gets tricksy with the Azeban. Okay we love you, say nice things about us bye!

Dan comes back from being gone for weeks bearing a strange incantation from a pocket universe, and a military whistleblower writes in with some unique insight and compliments. The Idiots also discuss some new Bigfoot evidence from an expert named Snake, before covering this week’s cryptid, the Kandahar Giant, a 13-foot tall gentle giant (if you ignore the murdering) who turned into a modern military legend after soldiers annoyed him while he was minding his own business.

Dan is missing and presumed dead, so this week John takes a solo journey to the far reaches of the Nolanverse. In an episode that doubles as John’s audition to be a sleep stories reader, he covers the epics tales of Jimothy (probably the world’s most famous deformed raccoon) and The Odyssey, including its cyclops character Polyphemus.

The boys are back and better than ever (which we can all agree is a low bar). This week we discuss how we can become millionaires with the next big Cryptid franchise. And we dig deep into the Norse Draugr. Get on in here!

These big dumb idiots have never been dumber folks! John does is best bambino impression living his best life at a football match disrupted by aliens with angel hair?! And discuss possibly the most unfairly stacked cryptid in existence: the Grootslang.

The boys are back in town! After a few pre-records you've got the idiots live and in your stereo this time to wish you a happy Summer Solstice, match Cryptids to World Cup teams, and discuss one of the stranger Crytids on the market: the Telepathic Football.

Hey, I’m skinwalking here! In this episode the Cryptidiots discuss the Skinwalkers of Navajo legend and dispel many misconceptions about their lore. They also name and shame the creators of Skinwalker Ranch (booo!) and the history channel program Ancient Aliens (booo!), but ironically are also interrupted by an Earth TV transmission (bloop!).

It’s a lizard! It’s a man! It’s Lizard Man! This week the Cryptidiots talk about Pope Leo’s recent encyclical on AI, and how it both encourages an embrace of the unknown and absolves the Cryptidiots of all sins. They’re then blessed with the presence of a special guest from the Earth TV universe, before diving into the lore of the Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp, a cryptid with an origin that is inextricably linked to the tragic story of Christopher Davis, who invented a cultural phenomenon out of thin air. Rest in power Christopher.

Today we’re sharing the low down on the lobizon, and providing a public service by exposing the top 5 most haunted hotels. Listen to this episode if you want to make sure your kids don’t become werewolves. It’s the law.

Mi scusi! Stop what you’re doing and listen to the latest episodio of Cryptidiots, where the guys consider launching careers as mentalists and insurance fraudsters before spilling the tea on Italy’s favorite gossiping worm goat, the Badalisc.

In this episode, its brodags before hodags, as the Cryptidiots discuss the pride of Rhinelander: the Hodag. They also discuss Dan’s latest act of heroism, as well as some scientific discoveries that may explain haunted houses, depression, and hostile work environments (and no, the reason behind all three isn’t just John).

What do you call a demon wrapped in an enigma rolled in thousands of years of myth? You call it the Bunyip of course. Or you call it John’s mom, that’s not a your mom joke, John’s mom joins us for this one and boy is it ever a blast. Tune it or shut up (just kidding we love you)!

Well we’ve done it folks, 3 times around the sun! In this Season 3 opener, we cover some mysterious disappearances in the extra-terrestrial science community and much more importantly, a dinosaur (introduced by Herner Werzog himself) that might still exist in the Congo. Grab your popcorn, your soda pop, and your dad because you won’t want to miss this one!

The Cryptidiots cover more movies that would be better if a cryptid was introduced at the midpoint, and issue an apology to Chunk of the Goonies before investigating the Flatwoods Monster, a West Virginia cryptid whose sudden appearance in 1952 (and its subsequent Playboy spread) created a lasting cultural impact, inspiring films ranging from Men in Black, to Men in Black II.

If you think you’ve caught Wendigo Fever, leave us a voicemail. Episode 28 digs into the origins, folklore, and unsettling psychology behind this nightmarish cryptid. The Cryptidiots also discuss a newly discovered rhinoceros species before being interrupted by a transmission from Earth TV, featuring intergalactic star Chimothee Talamet reading a 4/20 poem.