Good Inside with Dr. Becky

Dr. Sasha Hamdani walked off a TEDx stage, found her husband in the lobby, and by the time he said “I guess I was just nervous for you,” she’d already decided her medical career was over. That three-minute spiral is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD — a real, measurable, neurobiological response to rejection or criticism that shows up constantly in ADHD brains, in deeply feeling kids, and in the adults those kids grow into.

Dr. Becky and Dr. Hamdani, psychiatrist and author of Too Sensitive, get into the amygdala and prefrontal cortex mechanics behind RSD, the fine line between a kid being “dramatic” and a kid whose body is telling the truth, how rejection sensitivity quietly turns into people-pleasing (especially in girls), and what to do the next time your own kid rejects you.

Click here to learn more about Good Inside’s Deeply Feeling Kids 101 Program..

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Chelsea Handler doesn’t have kids. She also has three girls in her life who call her Dad, 11 nieces and nephews, and has taken parenting classes.

Dr. Becky asks what Chelsea can see about kids that parents can’t. Most of Chelsea's answer turns out to be about... the parents.

When a kid falls apart, a parent takes it as a verdict on themselves. Chelsea doesn’t have any reason to internalize that, and it changes how she responds. The clearest example is a teenager who backs a car into another car during a driving lesson and completely melts down, bracing for a punishment that never comes. And Chelsea gets to be the one who says: It's fine. You're fine. Everything's fine!

They get into: why consistency works better than rewards, what Chelsea’s parenting therapist told her about never meeting a kid at the anger they’re at, why trusting a kid is the thing that makes them trustworthy, boundaries (hers are terrible and she has no plans to fix them), and the one rule Chelsea would abolish in every house in America.

Chelsea Handler is on her "High & Mighty" tour through the end of the year, and she host's the advice podcast Dear Chelsea.

Heads up: some salty language, and Becky admits not all of it was Chelsea.

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• Offer applies to initial term of http://care.com/ membership subscriptions. Not applicable to add-on features or non-renewing access fees or services. Expires 10/31/26. http://care.com/ does not employ or place any caregiver. Background checks are an important start, but they have limits. Visit http://www.care.com/safety.

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Challenge Accepted is a new limited podcast series from Good Inside and Hot Wheels. Created for parents who want to raise resilient kids, this series explores the early experiences that shape who we become - and the mindset it takes to keep pushing forward. This is Episode 1 of 4.

What if confidence isn’t believing you’ll succeed, but knowing you’ll survive it if you don’t? Kellie Gerardi grew up near Kennedy Space Center dreaming of space, with no obvious way to get there. She had no military background, wasn’t on a test-pilot track, and her parents had no background in science. She left Earth anyway, flying in November 2023 as a researcher on a Virgin Galactic science mission.

Dr. Becky digs into what happened early in Kellie’s life that made “I can figure this out” possible. It started with parents who took her interests seriously without promising her anything. Then came a kindergarten meltdown over reading an analog clock that changed how she handled failure. And it shows up now in why she lets her daughters watch her be bad at things (ever tried weekly improv?). They also talk about how her scientist’s mindset helped her through years of secondary infertility, and how to assess when quitting is actually the right call.

Stay tuned for coming episodes of Challenge Accepted, featuring Olympic bobsledder Elana Meyers Taylor; New York Liberty forward Breanna Stewart; and YouTuber, engineer, and inventor Mark Rober.

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Thank you to Hot Wheels for making this episode possible.

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Every parent asks their kid some version of the same question: “Who's your best friend?” Adam Grant thinks that's the wrong thing to be asking, at any age.

His new book Vibe breaks friendship into four types: pals, allies, companions, and associates. Most of us assume we need one person who's all four. Grant's research says that's a setup for disappointment, and that kids who are genuinely well-liked at school still feel excluded and isolated if they don't have one "bestie."

Dr. Becky and Adam get into why it takes about 50 hours, on average, to make a friend (and up to 200 to make a close one), why a scary hike or a rough IKEA build can bond people faster than anything easy, and why the person who reacts the biggest in your house usually ends up running it.

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We spend too much time making sure our boys know the right answer, and not enough time helping them build the emotional skills to act on it when the stakes are high.

“Should you respect someone’s no?” Yes.
“Should you speak up when something bad is happening?” Yes.

Our kids can ace that test.

Now add rejection. Add wanting to belong. Add: “If I say something, my friends might turn on me.”

Knowing the right answer isn’t the same as being able to act on it when the moment gets hard.

In this episode, a special recording of a live event with the Good Inside community in response to recent headlines about sexual assault, Dr. Becky shares three emotional skills we can start building in our boys today. These aren’t everything - sexual violence is not an individual parenting problem, and it won’t have an individual parenting solution. But these aren't nothing, either. They're some things we can do now, long before the stakes get higher.

Read Dr. Becky’s notes on this episode on the Good Inside blog.

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Melinda French Gates has run some of the most powerful rooms in the world. She co-founded and co-chaired the Gates Foundation. She's sat across from heads of state. And in her 40s, at the top of her career, she started doubting herself in meetings she'd run a hundred times before.

She talks to Dr. Becky about why: chronic insomnia; undiagnosed perimenopause; a body that had learned, years earlier, to override its own signals, first in a male-dominated work culture, then in a college relationship that taught her not to trust her own read on things.

They get into a Gallup survey Melinda’s organization Pivotal Ventures ran this year of 5,000 adults, where half the respondents who'd been pregnant said they struggled with their mental health during or after it. And they talk about what Melinda calls the "10,000 paper cuts": the small, repeated moments, a comment talked over in a meeting, a doctor who doesn't quite listen, that teach women to stop trusting their own gut long before anyone tells them to, directly, all at once.

Becky and Melinda work out what actually rebuilds that trust, in doctors' offices and living rooms alike. Plus: what Melinda's granddaughters are teaching her about the phrase "I'm not ready yet," and the running joke she and her own kids share that perfect is creepy.

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Thanks to Carter’s, Good Inside’s new Confidence Program is free for every family for the next six months. Click here to learn more.

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Two parents came to Dr. Becky on the same day, both worried about their kid's confidence. One had a kid who wouldn't join the group. The other had a teenager who wouldn't leave the group. Dr. Becky says: maybe confidence isn’t what we think it is. She breaks down what confidence actually means, then she names three things well-meaning parents do that quietly work against building that kind of confidence.

Thanks to Carter’s, Good Inside’s new Confidence Program is free for every family for the next six months. Click here to learn more.

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Was today a good day? Did my kid seem happy? If the answer is no, even a little, it can feel like the whole day failed, like you failed.

Dr. Becky sits down with Kate Bowler, a professor at Duke University, to make the case that happiness might be the wrong thing to optimize for in the first place. Happiness, Kate argues, is really just ease: a hundred small circumstances lining up so nothing feels hard. Which means chasing it for your kids can quietly turn you into what Kate calls a professional happiness manager, smoothing every rough edge before it reaches them.

Joy is different. It doesn't need conditions to line up. It shows up in weird obsessions, a dumb dance in the kitchen, a dry pasta fight, a moment at the worst point in Kate's own life (she spent years navigating a serious cancer diagnosis) when something good found her anyway. Kate and Becky talk through what kids already understand about joy that adults forget, why so many moms don't believe joy is even available to them, and a practical exercise Kate uses to name the resentments that quietly block it.

Read A Blessing for Parents Who Are Trying, adapted from Kate Bowler’s latest book, Joyful, Anyway.

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Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible:

• Skylight: Get $30 off a 15-inch Skylight Calendar at http://myskylight.com/becky
• Girl Scouts: If you have a daughter in kindergarten through 12th grade, visit http://girlscouts.org/ to learn more
• Yoto: Get 15% off your order with the code DRBECKY15 at http://yotoplay.com/. New customers only, ends October 31, offer valid on select products only. Terms apply.
• http://care.com/: For a limited time, you can use the code BECKY35 to save 35% on a http://care.com/ Premium Membership.*
• Offer applies to initial term of http://care.com/ membership subscriptions. Not applicable to add-on features or non-renewing access fees or services. Expires 10/31/26. http://care.com/ does not employ or place any caregiver. Background checks are an important start, but they have limits. Visit http://www.care.com/safety.

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Chris Voss is a former FBI lead kidnapping negotiator, bestselling author of Never Split The Difference, and founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group; a negotiation, training, coaching, and consulting organization that teaches people how to achieve better outcomes in high-stakes conversations. Today, he teaches some of these same skills to parents - and it turns out the thing that gets a hostage-taker to put down a weapon isn't that different from what gets your eight-year-old to put down the tablet.

Obviously, kids aren’t actual hostage-takers, but in this conversation, Chris and Dr. Becky get into why kids saying "no" is actually a sign of a healthy nervous system, not defiance. Why "how was your day" always gets you "fine," and the one-word fix that doesn't. Why asking your kid "why" almost always backfires, and what to ask instead. And the reframe Chris uses with his own team to get a reluctant partner, coworker, or teenager to actually engage: "are you against this?"

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• Offer applies to initial term of http://care.com/ membership subscriptions. Not applicable to add-on features or non-renewing access fees or services. Expires 10/31/26. http://care.com/ does not employ or place any caregiver. Background checks are an important start, but they have limits. Visit http://www.care.com/safety.

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Misty Copeland grew up sleeping on a motel floor with five siblings, unsure where the next meal was coming from. At 13, she walked into her first ballet class and felt something she'd never felt before: safe. Dr. Becky talks with the first Black woman to become a principal dancer at American Ballet Theatre about the years she was asked to paint her skin to match the rest of the corps, the mentors who taught her to advocate for herself, and what confidence looks like once you stop having to prove it. Plus: how she's raising her own son with the stability she spent her childhood without, and why she still wants him to struggle a little.

Misty Copeland has written a new book for middle grade readers called “Firebird Waltz” - the first in a new series called Star Fire Academy.

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We all know too much screen time isn’t good for kids—and our instinct as parents is to protect them from it. But when fear shapes how we manage screens at home, it can quickly turn into shame the moment they pick one up.

In today’s world, where screens are woven into so much of daily life, the real challenge is to face that reality with thoughtfulness – and to make choices guided by our values, not by guilt. In this favorite episode from the archive, Dr. Becky sits down with screen time expert Ash Brandon, EdS (@thegamereducator) to talk about the moral judgments, practical boundaries, and family-specific choices that shape our approach to screens.

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Twelve weeks of parental leave. Then you're back at your desk, wondering why it feels so hard.

Today we’re posting an episode from Rattled, our podcast for parents of newborns and babies, because it’s about something everybody experiences. It’s the final part of our three-part series with http://Care.com on finding care for your baby, and it's about a transition nobody preps you for: going back to work.

Dr. Becky sits down with Lauren Smith Brody, journalist and author of The Fifth Trimester, who's interviewed hundreds of working moms about this exact moment (and lived it herself). Lauren calls her own first day back "the second cutting of the cord." She's got names for feelings you didn't know had names: benevolent discrimination, gatekeeping, the 0.5x version of yourself who has to show up the second you walk through your front door.

They also get practical: how to turn decisions into systems before decision fatigue wrecks your evening, what a "ramp up" program actually looks like, and why mom guilt is, in Lauren's words, "a sexist, classist social construct" you can solve for like a math problem.

This episode is brought to you in partnership with http://Care.com. Find background-checked nannies, sitters, and daycares at http://Care.com, and use code BECKY35 for 35% off your membership.

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Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible:

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*Offer applies to initial term of http://care.com/ membership subscriptions. Not applicable to add-on features or non-renewing access fees or services. Expires 10/31/26. http://care.com/ does not employ or place any caregiver. Background checks are an important start, but they have limits. Visit http://www.care.com/safety.

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If you’ve yelled at your kid, you’re not a bad parent. You’re a good parent with an overwhelmed nervous system. In today’s revisit from the Good Inside archives, Dr. Becky breaks down the science behind yelling, snapping, and shutting down. She explains why our bodies react before our brains can catch up – and how understanding this will help you pause, reset, and reconnect.

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Your kid hits. Melts down the second you leave the house. Argues about everything, all day, every single day. You've tried the time-outs, the consequences, the calm-down corner. Nothing works. Why are we always at that cliff?

Dr. Becky spent two hours in a Reddit thread literally called "Nothing Works" and pulled three real posts to build this episode. Her answer: you're intervening at the cliff, when the real leverage is on the road that led there. She walks through the exact minute-by-minute buildup (the snack request, the "just one more minute," the phone glance) where a parent could've exited before the blowup, plus scripts you can actually use.

Back to school brings big changes - new routines, new teachers, new challenges. Our new Back To Schoolprogram helps you prepare for day one, navigate tricky moments, and build your kid's resilience.

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What does depression look like? It’s not always… sadness. It can be anger. Irritability. Picking fights. Checking out. Taking risks that don't make sense. It can look, to everyone around you — including you — like a character problem, not a medical condition.

Christopher Choukalas is an ICU physician at UCSF. Six months after his twin daughters were born, he had every symptom on the paternal postpartum depression list. He had no idea.

In this episode, Dr. Becky and Dr. Choukalas go through the symptom list live — and talk about why this form of depression is so easy to miss, what it costs the whole family when it goes unnamed, and what getting help actually looked like for one father who needed it badly.

Christopher G. Choukalas, MD, MS is the author of Even the Darkest Night: A Father's Journey of Hope and Healing from Paternal Depression.

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What happens when two become three, or four, or five? Who is responsible for the needs and wants of a couple when days are filled with playdates, pick-ups, and meal preps? Nights lack the erotic energy that couples need not only to survive but to thrive. This week, Dr. Becky consults with the renowned couples therapist, Esther Perel, to talk about what parents can do to rekindle their desires.

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Belle Burden was, by her own account, the good girl. Quiet, compliant, the kid who wrote her own book report and did her homework on Friday afternoons. Then one night in the second week of the 2020 lockdown, a stranger left a voicemail: your husband is having an affair with my wife. By 6 a.m. her 20-year marriage was over, and the life she thought she could count on stopped making sense.

In her memoir of the event and its aftermath, Strangers, Belle traces how she got to this place - and how she found her way back.

They get into the stuff we all carry: why "being good" can quietly cost you yourself, how kids notice far more than we give them credit for, and why it's never too late to tell them the truth.

Dr. Becky wrote up her thoughts on how to get the "good girl" tendency out of your own emotional driver seat.

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Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible:

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There's a lot of noise about what AI will do to jobs. What will it do to one of the most important jobs in the world: parenting?

Dr. Dana Suskind is a pediatric cochlear implant surgeon and neuroscientist who has spent her career on how young brains get built. In this conversation, she and Dr. Becky start with a piece of bait — can a parent be replaced by a machine? — and spend the next half hour on the science of why the answer is no.

They get into attachment and why the messy, inconvenient, friction-filled version of connection is the version that actually wires a child's brain. Why a frictionless AI that always agrees with you might be the real risk. A rubric (DETECT) for judging any piece of kid-facing tech before it comes in the house. And the idea Dana calls the most freeing thing she learned writing her new book: good-enough parenting isn't a nice thing to say, it's a biological necessity.

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When a woman becomes a mother, her brain physically reorganizes around the baby. We've known this for a while. What we didn't know (until recently) is that the same thing happens to dads.

Dr. Darby Saxbe is a neuroscientist and psychologist at USC, and one of the only researchers in the world scanning fathers' brains before and after they have kids. What she found: the same regions that change and streamline in new mothers change in new fathers. The more hands-on a dad is, the more pronounced those changes are.

Dr. Becky and Dr. Darby get into what "losing gray matter" actually means (it's not what it sounds like), how paternal postpartum depression shows up differently than maternal (and why it almost always goes unrecognized), and why the awkwardness of new fatherhood isn't a signal that you're wrong for the role.

Dr. Saxbe's new book is Dad Brain.

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Thank you to our partners for making this episode possible:

• Skylight: Get $30 off a 15-inch Skylight Calendar at http://myskylight.com/becky
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“If I don’t push my kid, they’ll waste their potential.” A lot of us believe this. But is it true?

Myleik Teele joins Dr. Becky to work through a question that haunts every ambitious parent. What unfolds is an honest look at whose anxiety is actually running the show — and whether the drive we're trying to install in our kids is something we need to figure out for ourselves first.

They get into: what ability vs. effort actually predicts about your kid's future, the moment Myleik saw a straight-A report card and felt something twist inside her, and the specific pressure Black parents carry into every one of these conversations.

Dr. Becky wrote up some conversation starters that might help if you're worried your kid isn't reaching their full potential.

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