MissPerceived

School pickup. Doctor’s appointments. After-school activities. Waiting for everyone else. You’ve been busy all day—so why does it feel like you haven’t had a moment for yourself?

In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner explores the overlooked time spent waiting, driving, and organizing—and why mothers so often absorb it at the expense of paid work, rest, and their own priorities. Drawing on her experience navigating cancer care, Leah asks a bigger question: Whose time do we treat as valuable, and whose time do we expect to be endlessly available?

Leah shares findings from an ongoing research project with Jen Hook using the American Time Use Survey. As families grow, their analysis finds that mothers’ time in paid employment gets squeezed while housework and the logistics of family life expand. Fathers’ daily patterns, by comparison, remain much more similar across families with one, two, or three children.

From medical waiting rooms to the school pickup line, this episode makes visible the hours that keep a family running—and asks what those hours cost the person giving them.

In this episode

• Why waiting isn’t necessarily downtime.
• How transporting, scheduling, and attending children’s activities can crowd out mothers’ paid work.
• Why more children don’t simply mean more time playing or reading together.
• How money and access to resources shape who can avoid waiting.
• What caregiving for children, aging parents, or yourself reveals about whose time gets valued.

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

Hosted on Acast. See https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

The costumes. The candy. The decorations. The group chats about who’s trick-or-treating with whom. Halloween is supposed to be fun—so why does making the magic feel like another full-time job?

In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner unpacks the invisible work behind Halloween—and why so much of it falls to moms. From planning costumes and keeping children safe to navigating friendship drama and the rising expectations of “boo baskets,” Leah explores how one night of fun can become weeks of organizing, worrying, and doing more

She also discusses the extra planning involved when children have sensory sensitivities, are neurodivergent, or live with a disability—and the work parents do to make a holiday feel welcoming when it wasn’t designed with their child’s needs in mind

Plus, a story about a painstakingly handmade mermaid costume raises an important question: Are we creating the memories our children actually want—or exhausting ourselves trying to deliver the ones we think they need?

Whether you love Halloween or wish you could switch off the porch light and skip it, this episode offers permission to take shortcuts, share the work, and let go of the extras that don’t bring your family joy.

In this episode

• The hidden work of making Halloween magical.
• How social media and new traditions keep raising the bar.
• The emotional work of friendships, inclusion, and being left out.
• Safety concerns, sensory needs, and planning for different experiences.
• How to decide what to keep, delegate, or drop this holiday season.

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

Hosted on Acast. See https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

You ask for help, but nothing happens. Eventually, you stop asking. Or you make a decision “for the family”—only to realize your needs are the ones that keep coming last.

In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner unpacks three forms of power in relationships: the obvious power of saying no, the quieter power that stops you from asking, and the invisible power hidden inside decisions that seem fair. Drawing on sociological research and her own work on marital dynamics, Leah explores how everyday negotiations over housework, careers, and family responsibilities can leave one partner doing more while the other gets more say.

From the “nag paradox” to the thinking work behind supposedly shared decisions, this episode asks: Are you making choices for both of you—or consistently putting one person first? Leah also explores how partners trade support over time, when those trade-offs become unequal, and how to start making room for your own goals, rest, and ambitions.

In this episode

• Why ignoring a request can be an exercise of power.
• What happens when you stop asking because you already expect a no.
• How “we decided” can hide one person doing all the planning.
• Why decisions made “for us” don’t always benefit both partners.
• Recognizing when to push back and ask for what you need.

#MissPerceived #Relationships #RelationshipDynamics #InvisibleLabor #ProfLeahRuppanner

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

Hosted on Acast. See https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Does it actually matter for your relationship if your partner carries more of the emotional load? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down a new study from the University of Southampton that goes beyond who does the dishes and digs into something more surprising: the link between emotional labor, relationship satisfaction, and sexual satisfaction.

Leah explains the key distinction this research reveals — men doing more housework and emotional/family-management tasks boosts women's overall relationship satisfaction, but it's specifically emotional labor toward the partner (knowing when you're upset, taking care of you when you're sick, understanding your emotional needs) that predicts sexual satisfaction. She also unpacks a fascinating gender split in the data: women report the most satisfaction when things are split equally, while men report the most satisfaction the more their partner takes on — a mismatch that can quietly fuel resentment and burnout in relationships.

Drawing on her book Drained, Leah connects this to a bigger pattern: men often see offloading domestic labor as an investment in the family's future, while women often feel guilty taking on less, because they've been taught that 100% of their energy should go to their families. If you want to understand why your relationship might be hitting friction points around who does what, this episode breaks down exactly what the research says — and what to actually talk about with your partner.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction — recording from Australia and new research on relationships

02:26 What is the mental load? A quick refresher

04:39 How researchers measured emotional labor, relationship nurturing, family management

06:57 The key finding: emotional labor to the partner predicts sexual satisfaction

09:12 Why women want equality, but men want investment — a gendered mismatch

11:38 How this mismatch creates relationship conflict and resentment

13:00 What happened during COVID when men carried more of the load

14:03 What to actually do: get strategic, not just "do more"

Resources Mentioned:

📄 Research: Verena Klein, Rotem Kalisher, Esra Ascigil, and Tanja Oschatz (University of Southampton)

📄 Related research: Sabino Kornrich on housework division and sexual frequency

📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner

🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

Hosted on Acast. See https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Nearly 1 in 4 adults have experienced a period of estrangement from a sibling — and it's more common (and more complicated) than most of us realize. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner unpacks a new study out of Ohio State University that dug into 39 in-depth interviews to understand why adult siblings go no contact.

Leah breaks down the two major forces driving estrangement: parental behavior (favoritism, manipulation, and forcing siblings to "pick sides" after a parent-child conflict) and the sibling relationship itself (destabilizing conduct, safety threats, and childhood bonds that were never really built). She shares personal stories from friends navigating estrangement, explains the concept of family systems and triangulation, and connects all of it back to the mental load — the emotional scanning, relationship repair work, and guilt that estranged (or nearly estranged) families create.

If you've ever felt like your family "doesn't understand your world," or you're carrying guilt about a sibling relationship that isn't what it's supposed to be, this episode offers real permission to step back, set boundaries, and stop measuring your worth by an outdated obligation to stay close no matter what.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction — sibling estrangement is more common than you think

02:54 The data: nearly 1 in 4 adults have been estranged from a sibling

05:18 Family systems theory and triangulation

07:36 Parental partisanship: favoritism and the "scapegoat" child

09:59 When sibling relationships become collateral damage in parent conflict

12:21 Why some generations never learned to resolve conflict

14:38 Destabilizing conduct, risk containment, and sibling violence

18:15 Absent foundations: when childhood bonds were never built

20:39 How family estrangement fuels your mental load

21:30 Permission to put people on the "periphery" without guilt

23:01 Setting boundaries doesn't make you a bad person

Resources Mentioned:

📄 Research: Rin Resnick, Kane Taurus Beltran, and Candace Cretchfield (Ohio State University) on adult sibling estrangement

📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner

🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)

Stay Connected with Leah:

Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner

Instagram: @lightenlab

TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner

Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com

Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast

About MissPerceived:

MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.

#MissPerceived #FamilyEstrangement #SiblingRelationships #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

Hosted on Acast. See https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Is optimizing every minute of your day actually making your life better — or just burning you out faster? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner makes the case that optimization culture, especially prevalent in the US, is quietly destroying our ability to rest, create, and simply live.

Leah traces how we came to treat time itself as a resource to be maximized — a relatively recent social conditioning that emerged with industrialization — and explains why getting time back (from grocery delivery, AI, or any efficiency hack) rarely translates into rest. Instead, we immediately reinvest that saved time into more productivity, repeating a pattern seen since the first industrial revolution: every gain in efficiency just raises the bar for what "enough" looks like.

She connects this to her research on the mental load, sharing a striking story about a woman who drops the activities that bring her joy in order to make more room for stressful, "productive" problem-solving — and asks why we've been trained to treat rest as wasteful. Leah also explores what Gen Z's resistance to hustle culture might mean for the future of work, and why AI and automation may only intensify the pressure to optimize rather than relieve it.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction — is optimization good?

01:00 Why optimization pressure feels different in the US vs. Australia

02:20 How eroded social safety nets fuel the need to "game the system"

04:41 Getting time back doesn't mean getting rest back

06:00 A brief history: how time became a resource to optimize

07:00 The fourth industrial revolution: AI, automation, and rising standards

09:23 A woman's insight: dropping joy to make room for "productive" stress

11:48 Why younger generations are rejecting hustle culture

13:00 What happens when optimization stops being efficient at all

14:14 How to reclaim mental space instead of constantly optimizing

Resources Mentioned:

📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner

🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)

📄 Bill Gates' annual letter on AI and the future of work

Stay Connected with Leah:

Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner

Instagram: @lightenlab

TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner

Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com/

Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast

About MissPerceived:

MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.

#MissPerceived #Optimization #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner #Burnout #FutureOfWork

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

Hosted on Acast. See https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can teaching your kids to notice mess actually lighten your mental load? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner shares a simple, viral tip from her friend Kate Mangino's Good Housekeeping article that's already resonating with thousands online.

The idea is deceptively simple: we're not born noticing mess, disorder, or what needs to be done — we're taught to notice it. Kate's solution? Walk her kids around the house and ask them what they see as a problem. It didn't work perfectly at first, but over time, her children learned to notice what needed doing without being asked — and even started noticing different things at other people's houses, building empathy along the way.

Leah connects this to her own research on the "messy house study" and the double standard men and women face around mess — including the surprising finding that men do see the mess just as clearly as women do. The real gap isn't perception, it's the emotional weight of noticing and feeling responsible for fixing it. This short but powerful episode gives you one concrete, doable tool to start redistributing that invisible mental load today.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction — a tip from Kate Mangino that went viral

01:00 We're not born noticing mess — we're trained to

02:22 Teaching kids to notice: what Kate Mangino's family experiment looked like

03:00 Why noticing at other people's houses builds empathy

03:30 The gender socialization behind who notices what

04:44 Leah's own research: men see the mess just as much as women

05:30 Why "noticing" is really about emotional labor, not perception

06:00 How to try this with your own family

Resources Mentioned:

📰 Kate Mangino's article in Good Housekeeping on teaching kids to notice housework

📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner

🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)

Stay Connected with Leah:

Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner

Instagram: @lightenlab

TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner

Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com

Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast

About MissPerceived:

MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. This description contains affiliate links.

#MissPerceived #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner #Parenting #DomesticLabor

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

Hosted on Acast. See https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Friday Night Lights, weekly spirit-day outfits, tailgates, private coaches, group chats tracking every practice and sign-up — Professor Leah Ruppanner just moved back to the US after 13 years in Australia, and youth sports culture hit her like a truck. In this episode of MissPerceived, Leah unpacks how American youth sports have become a multi-thousand-dollar investment in kids' "dreams," why it's a hedge that rarely pays off, and how it quietly reshapes the family mental load — including sharp gender divides in which sports (and which kids) actually get the resources.

Leah shares stories from her own daughter's flag football season, contrasts American sports culture with the more community-focused, less commercialized approach she saw in Australia, and dives into research showing that while dads are often the ones handling sports logistics and correspondence, moms still end up doing the invisible cleanup work when something falls through the cracks. She also introduces a live research project on where your family's school and extracurricular correspondence is really coming from — and invites you to be part of the data.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction — back in the US and immersed in Southern sports culture

01:30 A new research project: where is your correspondence coming from?

02:26 Why dads often take the lead on sports logistics (and where it breaks down)

04:45 Youth sports as a "lottery investment" in your child's future

07:11 Friday Night Lights: money, tailgates, and weekly spirit outfits

09:11 The gender gap: cheerleaders, flag football, and unequal investment

09:34 Comparing US and Australian sports culture

11:50 How you can contribute to Leah's live research on sports and the mental load

Resources Mentioned:

Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner

Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)

Upcoming survey: share your experience with youth sports and the mental load

Stay Connected with Leah:

Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner

Instagram: @lightenlab

TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner

Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com

Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

Hosted on Acast. See https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

"The mental load doesn't exist. It's just something women made up to make men feel bad." If you talk about the mental load online, you've seen this comment — and in this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner takes it head on.

Leah unpacks why this response shows up constantly (and mostly from men) whenever she, Morgan Cutlip, or Zach Watson post about the mental load, and why the discomfort behind it actually proves the point. She traces the mental load back to 1970s research, redefines it as emotional thinking work (not just remembering things, but remembering things while carrying the anxiety of what happens if you forget), and explains why everyone — including the guy leaving the comment — carries a mental load, just distributed differently.

The episode also dives into a powerful listener comment about "linear" versus "messy middle" mental load: the privilege of simply thinking something and doing it, versus the exhausting work of anticipating, monitoring, and juggling a hundred what-ifs that never fully resolve. Leah connects this to her seven mental load stages from Drained and makes the case for why acknowledging invisible labor — at home and at work — is the first step to sharing it.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction — becoming an "influencer" and reading the comments

01:00 The comment that keeps showing up: "the mental load isn't real"

02:16 Where the mental load term actually comes from (hint: the 1970s)

04:30 Redefining the mental load as emotional thinking work

06:48 Why everyone carries a mental load — just a different composition

09:06 Eloise's comment: linear mental load vs. the "messy middle"

11:23 Why moving through tasks without worry is actually a privilege

13:39 How to acknowledge invisible labor and start sharing it

Resources Mentioned:

📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner

🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)

📄 Research: Leah Ruppanner, Liz Dean, and Brendan Churchill on the emotional thinking work definition of the mental load

Stay Connected with Leah:

Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner

Instagram: @lightenlab

TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner

Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com

Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast

About MissPerceived:

MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.

#MissPerceived #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner #GenderEquality #Relationships

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

Hosted on Acast. See https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

What happens when caregiving never ends — when you cared for your siblings as a child, your own children as an adult, and now your grandchildren in older age?

In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner discusses Grandmothering While Black: A 21st Century Story of Love, Coercion, and Survival by Lashonda Pittman, a powerful book based on interviews with over 75 Black grandmothers in Chicago raising their grandchildren. Leah unpacks the historical legacy of racism and family separation that shapes these caregiving arrangements today, the difference between multi-generational and “skipped generation” families, and the immense mental load these grandmothers carry while navigating broken welfare, healthcare, and housing systems — sometimes even having to hide the fact that grandchildren live with them just to access resources.

Leah connects this research to a much bigger question about care in every country: what do we lose when caregiving is coerced rather than chosen, and what would it look like if systems — not individual women — carried more of that weight?

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction — a book that stayed with Leah all weekend

02:16 Who is Lashonda Pittman, and what is Grandmothering While Black?

04:35 The historical legacy of removing children from Black and Indigenous families

06:53 Multi-generational vs. “skipped generation” families

08:56 Navigating broken systems: welfare, housing, and hidden caregiving

11:07 “There’s no break in the care” — a lifetime of caregiving across generations

13:00 Judy’s story: “I’m ready for a life”

13:31 What we lose when care is coerced instead of chosen

14:30 Sweden’s approach: care systems designed to free people, not trap them

15:30 A bigger question: why do we force caregivers to trade their ambitions?

Resources Mentioned:

📘 Grandmothering While Black: A 21st Century Story of Love, Coercion, and Survival by Lashonda Pittman

📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner

🏛️ Better Life Lab — Story Fellows Program

Stay Connected with Leah:

Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner

Instagram: @lightenlab

TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner

Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com

Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast

About MissPerceived:

MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. This description contains affiliate links.

#MissPerceived #Caregiving #GrandparentsRaisingGrandchildren #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

Hosted on Acast. See https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

When employers demand that people return to the office full-time, who pays the biggest price?

In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner responds to a listener whose partner is being called back into the office — and whose family is already feeling the consequences. Leah explores what the research says about remote and flexible work, why it became essential for so many mothers’ employment during the pandemic, and why return-to-office mandates risk pushing women out of the workforce again.

But flexibility is not a simple fix. Leah unpacks the flexibility paradox: working from home can help women stay employed and manage caregiving, but it can also stretch the workday into early mornings, late nights, and an exhausting always-on cycle of paid work, parenting, housework, and guilt.

She also explains the unequal career trade-offs families make. Too often, women make career compromises “for the family,” while men are encouraged to accelerate their careers as breadwinners — even when both parents genuinely want more time with their children. The result is a gendered mental load, unequal long-term earnings, and a system that asks mothers to hold work and family together at once.

Chapters:

00:00 A listener asks: What happens when a partner is called back to the office?

01:30 Why return-to-office mandates can hurt women’s careers

02:20 Before COVID, men had greater access to remote and flexible work

03:00 The pandemic’s “exposure effect” — proving work could happen outside the office

04:39 How flexible work helped mothers remain employed

06:44 Why working from home is essential — and why it is not enough

07:30 The flexibility paradox: a resource that expands the workday

09:06 Remote work, maternal guilt, and never being able to clock out

10:00 The career trade-offs women make “for the family”

11:25 Why men and women often make different work decisions for the same family

13:44 Flexible work helps dads care more — without sacrificing their careers

14:30 Class differences in who can access flexibility and who faces job disruption

15:30 The gendered mental load of holding work and family together

Research Mentioned:

📘 For the Family: How Class, Gender, and the Family Shape Women’s Work by Sarah Damaske

📚 Research by Professor Heejung Chung on the “flexibility paradox”

📊 Research by Leah Ruppanner, Kristin Landevar, Katie Collins, William Scarborough, Lauren Ryan, and Brendan Churchill on flexible work, caregiving, and employment

📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner

Stay Connected with Leah:

Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner

Instagram: @lightenlab

TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner

Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com

Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

Hosted on Acast. See https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

What does a strengths-based approach actually mean — and when does it become another way of asking people to solve impossible problems alone?

In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner responds to a listener’s thoughtful question about why her work focuses so much on structural barriers, inequality, and the systems that make life heavier. Leah explains the value of identifying your strengths, resources, resilience, and community support — but also why strength alone cannot fix unaffordable childcare, inaccessible healthcare, discrimination, or a broken labor market.

Through research on LGBTQIA+ families, the Mental Load Audit, and the sociological tension between structure and agency, Leah explores how we can use our existing strengths while still demanding collective solutions. You are powerful, resilient, and capable — but you were never meant to carry structural problems by yourself.

Chapters:

00:00 A listener asks: Where is the strengths-based approach?

01:30 What “strengths-based” actually means

02:23 Strengths-based vs. deficit-based thinking

03:00 The Mental Load Audit as a practical strengths-based tool

04:46 LGBTQIA+ families, shared experience, and community as a resource

07:06 The problem with “just try harder”

08:00 Why individual resilience can’t solve structural inequality

09:19 Structure and agency: what is yours to carry — and what is not?

10:00 Asking for help, sharing the burden, and building coalitions

11:42 Why lived experience is valuable research and knowledge

12:30 How we change systems without carrying the whole world alone

Resources Mentioned:

📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More

🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab

📱 Follow along on Instagram for research insights and mental-load tools

Stay Connected with Leah:

Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner

Instagram: @lightenlab

TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner

Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com

Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast

About MissPerceived:

MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah explores the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.

#MissPerceived #MentalLoad #StrengthsBasedApproach #Sociology #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner #SocialChange

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

Hosted on Acast. See https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you using AI at work — or quietly avoiding it? In this episode of MissPerceived, Leah digs into new research showing that women are about 25% less likely than men to adopt generative AI tools in their jobs. She explains what that means for careers, organizations, and the “brain” of AI itself, and why low female adoption could make AI less accurate for women’s experiences worldwide.

Leah walks through findings from Harvard Business School on global gender gaps in AI use, explores how unsupervised learning means our data is literally training the AI brain, and shows what happens when most of that data comes from men and from rich, English‑speaking countries. She also unpacks the mental load behind women’s hesitation: environmental worries, ethics, stereotypes that say women who use AI are “less competent,” and the pressure to prove your worth without help. Finally, she shares her own experience using AI, why it sometimes feels like “beautiful nonsense,” and asks what kind of future of work we actually want.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction — are you using AI at work?

01:30 Future of Work Lab: automation vs. AI (what’s the difference?)

02:17 Harvard Business School findings: women 25% less likely to use AI tools

04:36 How your data trains the AI brain — and what happens when women are missing

06:56 Global gaps: rich countries, English speakers, and who AI really “sees”

07:30 Career consequences when women don’t adopt AI at the same rate

08:00 Organizational losses when only some workers use AI

08:50 Environmental and ethical worries as part of women’s mental load

09:16 Code for Good Now study: women seen as less competent when they use AI

11:45 Occupational sorting: why some jobs see more AI than others

12:30 Leah’s own experience: when AI makes her brain “lazy”

13:51 Generational differences: Millennials, Gen Z, Gen Alpha and tech skepticism

14:30 What kind of future of work do we actually want — and who gets to shape it?

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

Hosted on Acast. See https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

When someone you love gets a cancer diagnosis, you want to say the right thing — but often, what comes out does the opposite. In this very personal episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner steps away from the research for a moment to talk about her own recent diagnosis of breast cancer, and the wildly inappropriate (but often well‑intentioned) things people say in response. She shares the five big “please don’t”s she keeps hearing — plus what actually helps when someone is living through cancer or another serious chronic illness.

This isn’t about shaming anyone. Leah talks about the times she’s said these exact things to friends, why they come from fear and grief, and how we can all do better at holding space, dumping love in instead of out, and making it easier (not harder) for the person at the center of the storm.

Chapters:

00:00 Why this episode is different — Leah’s breast cancer diagnosis

02:28 Don’t tell me about someone else’s cancer story (especially the worst‑case ones)

04:36 Why other people’s stories shift the spotlight away from the person who’s sick

05:30 Don’t ask “what stage is it?” or quiz my screening history

06:59 The hidden message in “when was your last mammogram?”

09:22 When my diagnosis triggers your own fear: sharing your medical history

11:25 “I have a good feeling, you’ll be fine” — why that shuts down real feelings

13:46 Questioning medical advice when you’re not the oncologist

16:03 What actually helps: holding space, listening, asking what’s needed

18:14 Learning to slow down, receive care, and feel the collective love

What to say instead (Leah’s script you can steal):

• “This sucks. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
• “What do you need right now?”
• “How can I help?”
• “You don’t have to respond, but I’m thinking of you and I love you.”
• “I can call anytime — you don’t have to pick up.”

Resources Mentioned:

📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More

🧠 More on the mental load and chronic illness in other MissPerceived episodes

Stay Connected with Leah:

Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner

TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner

Email: getcrafty@audiocrafty.com

Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

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Are you secretly preparing your kids for downward mobility? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner asks a huge question many parents are quietly wrestling with: is upward mobility dead, and what does that mean for how we raise our children? Drawing on Annette Lareau’s classic research on concerted cultivation and natural growth, Leah unpacks how different parenting styles map onto class, opportunity, and mental load — and why so many parents feel stuck between dreaming big for their kids and just trying to make ends meet.

She explores why upper‑middle‑class parenting can feel like relentless investment and optimization, how working‑class and poor parents create more freedom and magic in kids’ everyday lives, and what newer research shows about what all parents think “good parenting” should look like. Most importantly, she asks whether constantly raising the bar is helping our children, or just burning everyone out in a system no individual family can out‑parent.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction — is upward mobility dead?

01:30 Preparing kids for downward mobility: what parents are saying

02:27 Mental load, money stress, and families who are just making ends meet

03:00 Annette Lareau’s research: concerted cultivation vs. natural growth

04:46 What concerted cultivation looks like in everyday family life

07:04 Natural growth: rules for safety, freedom for play, kids’ worlds without adults

09:30 The upsides and downsides of each parenting style

10:30 Patrick Ishizuka’s studies: what all parents agree is “good parenting”

11:52 Why mothers hold themselves to harsher standards than fathers

13:23 The pressure to invest in everything — and why you can’t out‑parent billionaires

14:11 How to bring more fun, freedom, and lower stakes back into childhood

15:29 What works in your culture and family? Leah wants to hear from you

Resources Mentioned:

📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

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What if your brain works differently from everyone else’s — and you’re still expected to carry the same invisible load for your family, work, and life? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner explores how neurodivergent folks (ADHD, OCD, bipolar, and beyond) experience the mental load in uniquely complex and often heavier ways. She breaks down the seven stages of the mental load, shows where things get especially hard when you’re prone to rumination, catastrophizing, or forgetting, and explains why social norms demanding perfection make all of this even more overwhelming.

Leah also shares what she’s learned from interviews and from living with a partner who has ADHD, and offers a gentler way forward: more compassion, more curiosity, shared systems, and dropping what doesn’t actually need your brain’s limited energy.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction — neurodiversity and the mental load

01:00 What the mental load really is (beyond a to‑do list)

02:41 When your brain works differently: distraction, rumination, worst‑case thinking

05:03 The seven stages of the mental load: identify, remember, strategize, decide, delegate, execute, monitor

07:24 How ADHD, OCD, and other neurodivergences change each stage

09:41 Social norms that demand perfection — especially from women

11:55 Why this becomes a recipe for disaster (and it’s not your fault)

13:00 Using the Mental Load Audit: what to drop, delegate, and reduce

14:22 Conversations that help: explaining how your brain works to your family

16:00 Compassion, curiosity, and building better systems together

Resources Mentioned:

📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More

🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — learn your 8 mental load types

Stay Connected with Leah:

Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner

TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner

Email: getcrafty@audiocrafty.com

Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com

Don’t miss an episode! Subscribe NOW: /@missperceivedpodcast

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

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Most people say care is valuable. They believe childcare workers and home care aides are skilled and that governments and employers should help pay for care. But when you ask them what care actually costs — or what high-quality care really looks like — they are wildly off. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down a new report from New America's Better Life Lab on what she calls the "care disconnect": the gap between how we feel about care and what we actually know about its price, quality, and impact on families. From US childcare costs and state-to-state differences to aged care, disability, and a Swedish example that will make you want to move tomorrow, Leah shows why we don't understand care until we're in it — and why that has huge consequences for our mental load and our future.

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

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Have you ever heard the term "lifecrafting"? It comes from a new piece of research out of UCL — and it describes something you might already be doing without knowing it: using your mental energy to deliberately think through the why behind your decisions and craft the life you want over time. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner digs into this fascinating concept, connects it to her own research on the mental load, and then asks the harder question: is lifecrafting actually available to everyone — or is it a privilege reserved for those with the most resources? And why are young people booing at commencement speeches?

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction — what is lifecrafting?

01:00 The UCL research: Frampton, Gould & Cox on lifecrafting and the mental load

01:45 How lifecrafting connects to Leah's "Meta Medicare" mental load type

02:18 Do you lifecraft? And has it gotten harder over time?

03:00 Why we encourage lifecrafting in young people — and why it's now backfiring

03:30 The commencement speech backlash: why students are booing

04:44 Structural forces that crush lifecrafting: inflation, AI, broken care systems

05:30 The gendered problem: women lifecraft for others, men lifecraft for themselves

06:00 Is lifecrafting only possible for the rich?

07:06 Individual agency vs. structural headwinds — a sociology superpower moment

08:00 Conclusion: lifecrafting is unequally distributed by income, gender, and age

09:27 Who is responsible for opening up lifecrafting to all?

10:00 What happens when young people stop seeing a future worth crafting?

11:00 Lifecrafting vs. dream building — how the concepts differ

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

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Leah posted one question on Instagram — "What do you hold to a higher standard in your household than anyone else?" — and got 26,000 views and 200 comments. The answer that came through louder than anything else? The clutter. The piles. The stuff that just sits there while everyone walks past it pretending it doesn't exist. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner unpacks why household clutter is so emotionally activating, why it's a mental load issue hiding in plain sight, and what the research (and your comments) reveal about who's really responsible for making it disappear.

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

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A listener emailed Leah with a question straight from the middle of a relationship argument: what's the difference between equality and equity and which one should we actually be striving for? In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner breaks down one of sociology's most important distinctions and brings it all the way home, literally. From time-use research and the mental load to leisure time, burnout, and the economy of gratitude, Leah explains why your relationship probably needs both equality and equity, why getting stuck in only one is a trap, and why giving endlessly to everyone else while putting yourself last isn't equity: it's gaslighting yourself.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction — a listener question sparks the episode

01:00 What is equality? Access, time use, and equal divisions of labor

03:00 Time-based equality in relationships — tracking who does what

04:08 Why time as a measure of productivity is becoming less useful in the AI age

06:21 The mental load and equality — what Drained adds to the picture

07:30 What is equity? Giving more to those who need more

08:39 The economy of gratitude — how households naturally use equity

09:30 Why mothers get stuck in the equity mindset and burn out

10:53 Equity without equality is gaslighting — and it needs to stop

11:30 How to undulate between equity and equality in your relationship

12:30 Kate Mangino: relationships balance out over time — but only if you're conscious of it

13:23 Brian Page and Modern Husbands: equal leisure time as a key equality measure

14:30 The beautiful cycle: inequality → equity → equality → repeat

15:29 Share your experience — Leah wants to hear what's working for you

Follow Leah: @prof.leahruppanner

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