Somebody Save Me: The Official, but MOSTLY Unofficial, Smallville Podcast

Damn Africa, what happened?

We don't know who requested this storyline, but boy it's quite bad! :D

We follow Lois to Africa for a reporting assignment on the "Angel of the Plateau", who just so happens to be the notorious Lana Lang. Lana shows us how she "saves" children and eats poop soup on a daily basis. That all comes to an end once the local factions hire an American mercenary: John Corben, a.k.a. Metallo.

As always, enjoy the show and leave those FIVE STARS!

What do you get when you cross the 31st Century with a Dead Baby God myth?

We're on to the next storyline and it starts with Booster Gold. But guess what? It doesn't end there. Booster and C.K. take a nice trip to the 31st Century to find New Krypton at war with EarthGov (terrible name). Wait, there's more! Not only is there a political war, but the stupid Legion (except Brainiac, ily) and Kara Zor-El make a return along with the corpse of Clone Faora.

Enjoy the show and leave those FIVE STARS!

You can call us the Super Seven.

Time for another Film Friday! Join us in reviewing DC's New 52-inspired Justice League origin story. The superheroes Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Green Lantern, Shazam and Cyborg all come together to fight the arrival of Darkseid.

As always, enjoy the show and leave those FIVE STARS!

Black Racer versus...White Racer...?

We get back to the rest of our Haunted storyline with an ultimate Speed Force fight. Clark and Bart reach out for some help from the Golden Age man himself: Jay Garrick. Emil hooks C.K. up with one of the best Superman suits to ever exist. The two blonde idiots, Chloe and Ollie, find out their Earth-2 counterparts are even worse. Tess becomes the new Cortana.

Smallville's Civil War: Greens vs Whites

Welcome to the tales of Batman and Martian Manhunter. Join us in learning that Batman could potentially be racist, but no more racist than the new White Martian in town. The new dynamic duo investigates the mysterious alien and their intentions, while also working out feelings of prejudice by sharing their origin stories with each other. On a more positive note: Alfred is a pretty chill guy!

First, they were guys being dudes. Now it's bros being amigos.

Bart, a.k.a. Impulse, is back and faster than ever because now he has a Speed Force demon haunting him (*cough* Black Flash *cough*). After a trip to Mexico and some Amigo races, Clark tries to help Bart solve this speed demon problem. Meanwhile, Lex is trying to reverse psychology Tess in his own mind and Oliver appears to care more about his baby than the woman carrying it (yes, we're talking about Chloe).

This episode covers Season 11's Haunted storyline, chapters one through six.

Superman/Batman: The Sons of Marthas

After a visit to the fattest man himself, Toyman, we get the worst team-up of all time with Mr. Freeze and Prankster. Batman saves Superman's life with the power of artificial sunshine and friendship. Lois and Barbara, a.k.a. Nightwing, also team up but in a super hot way. Oliver is still useless until Chloe tells him she's pregnant. Lex and Tess have an intimate talk?

This episode covers the last six chapters of season eleven's Detective storyline.

Joe Chill? More like Joe Mama!

Smallville's version of Batman and Nightwing brawl with our C.K. and Ollie. Lex and Bruce Wayne bond over a billionaire lunch at Ace of Clubs. Superman and Batman team-up to track down Bruno "Ugly" Manheim and Joe Chill. Tess is sending nudes to Oliver through Lex's sleepwalking.

This episode covers the first six chapters of season eleven's storyline: Detective.

Clark & Lex 5ever <3

We continue with our Reading Rainbow edition of season eleven by finishing off the last six chapters of Smallville's "Guardian" storyline.

The story gives us their very own Cyborg Superman and it's quite bad! We confirm General Sam Lane actually has dementia, or he's just psychotic. Lois and Clark continue to have adorable moments together. Tess is still lingering inside Lex and the Queen-Sullivans are absolute morons.

As always, enjoy the show and leave those SIX STARS!

Smallville: The Reading Rainbow Edition

The beginning of the very end of our show... SEASON ELEVEN! Join us in starting this beautiful read-along of the season eleven comics. As always, LEAVE FIVE STARS! Or maybe six stars if it's possible :)

You're the G.O.A.T. to our W.O.A.T.

The official punctuation mark to the infamous award shows. Once again, can't thank the fans enough for getting us all the way here. So many awards, so many disagreements, so many tears and perverted jokes. Join us in part two of the last awards episode dedicated to the entire series of Smallville.

LEAVE THE FIVE STARS DAMMIT!

The G.O.A.T. and The W.O.A.T.

With all ten seasons being finished, it's time to vote for the best and worst of ALL TIME. Way too many categories, as it should be, so we decided to make this a two part episode. Once again, thank you to all the fans and the lovely nominations!

As always, enjoy the start of our final award show and GIVE US THOSE FIVE STARS!

K.O.K. vs D.O.G.: The Tales of Boo-La

Three major frat boys are kicked out of their fraternity for embezzlement. In order to prove their innocence they have to infiltrate the frat house in the worst disguises possible - sorority girls.

Michael Rosenbaum, Barry Watson and Harland Williams star as the three main characters Adam, Dave and Doofer.

Btw, this is Taylor's new favorite movie.

The Final Season Award Show

Our end-of-season tradition continues with the season ten awards. Per usual, we vote for our best and worst moments of the season.

If you're still here we love you and, also, hate you <3 Thank you to everyone for continuing to participate. If you're listening on Spotify make sure to vote on this episode's poll!

As always, enjoy the show and leave those TEN STARS!

More like the LEAST horrible year

No better way to end a series than with a Showtime children's special starring Allison Mack. One could say this is a prequel to Smallville, others would say it's an Eric Stoltz masterpiece. It's neither!

Join us in reviewing a story by Nic Faulkner, who claims the worst year of her life was the year she had braces, got a boyfriend, gets a car built up by her dad, and sets up her two best friends to fall in love. Shout out Bret Hart and chickenpox!

Daddy's Boy & The Luthor Legacy

Continuing from part one - Earth-2 Lionel finally remerges as the perverted father Tess always remembered. Lex returns for a glorious five minutes, but with a disgusting right hand. Oliver figures out he can defeat darkness with regular arrows. Jor-El is all of a sudden Daddy of the Year. Lois goes back to work and decides to infiltrate Air Force One. Clark finally embraces his destiny after seeing the series recap.

Michael Rosenbaum and John Schneider return one last time as DC Comics' original characters Lex Luthor and Jon Kent, respectively.

Christine Willes, Michael Daingerfield and Steve Byers return for their final appearances as DC Comics' original characters Granny Goodness, Gordon Godfrey and DeSaad, respectively.

It's the finale, SO LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

Apokolips' Very Own Wedding Crasher: Darkseid

Nothing like the entire planet of Apokolips as a wedding gift! The wedding is back on after Lois and Clark exchange their vows. Martha is pissed after finding out Clark sold the farm. Oliver is still a minion of darkness (or maybe drunk?). Tess is hanging out in Luthor Mansion rubble. Chloe now looks like Oliver.

John Schneider makes a special guest return as DC Comics' original character Jon Kent.

Christine Willes, Michael Daingerfield and Steve Byers return as DC Comics' original characters Granny Goodness, Gordon Godfrey and DeSaad, respectively.

It's the finale, SO LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

The Pointless Bow & The Last of the Fat Toy-Eater

Wow, so many things happen. Jor-El gives Lois and Clark the BEST wedding gift, which makes Lois basically call off the wedding. Kara has been kneeling down in a cave since episode three. Oliver finds the Bow of Orion and then loses to an old lady. Toyman returns with more toys to eat and a legion of cool villains we'll never see again.

Laura Vandervoort, Britt Irvin and the late Chris Gauthier return for their final appearances as DC Comics' original characters Kara Zor-El (a.k.a. "Supergirl), Courtney Whitmore (a.k.a. "Stargirl") and Winslow Schott (a.k.a. "Toyman"), respectively.

Christine Willes (Trick 'r Treat, The Wicker Man) returns as DC Comics' original character Granny Goodness.

As always, enjoy the show and LEAVE THOSE FIVE STARS!

Kneel Before Zod, Pt. XIV???

Slade Wilson returns from the Phantom Zone (don't worry, he's not in the episode. thank GOD.) and Oliver thinks it's the perfect bonding opportunity for him and Clark. The two head down to P.Z. and get captured by General Zod, who has been hosting his own thunderdome there. While the bros try to get back home, Tess and Lois are having girl time at Watchtower. FYI, "girl time" equals Lois holding Tess at gunpoint.

Callum Blue (Columbiana, Princess Diaries 2) makes a surprise return, and final appearance, as DC Comics' original character General Zod.

As always, enjoy the show and leave those FIVE STARS!

Booster Gold and The Blue Dumb Beetle

Booster Gold arrives from the future to take Clark Kent's place, or rather "swagger jack" his destiny as the World's Greatest Superhero. Lois is a bit worried, but our C.K. only cares about finding the missing blue scarab from Kord Industries that's found its way onto the dumbest kid in town: Jaime Reyes. Meanwhile, Cat Grant is horny for Booster and Lois just wants to get her promotion already.

Keri Lynn Pratt (Drive Me Crazy) returns for her final appearance as DC Comics' original character Cat Grant.

Eric Martsolf, Jaren Brandt Bartlett and Sebastian Pence make their first and only appearances as DC Comics' original characters Booster Gold, Jaime Reyes (a.k.a. Blue Beetle) and Ted Kord, respectively.

As always, enjoy the show and leave those FIVE STARS!