The Adoption Files

Please join Dani Joy and I as we discuss pages 174 and 175 in the book Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing. We have been talking about spiritual trauma and adoption using the book as a framework.

Dani Joy is a mother of loss to adoption, a homesteader, blogger and human rights activist. She can be found at:

https://danijoy.substack.com/

https://medium.com/@danijoy/no-sads-no-mads-trust-god-146f5cb54fb6

https://www.facebook.com/joyfuldj

Holy Hurt:

https://www.hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for help.

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

https://rainn.org/

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

The opinions of the host and their guests are just that, their opinions.

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

Thank you for listening1

Please join me for a conversation with author and adoption reform advocate Patricia Knight Meyer, about being trafficked for the purpose of adoption; an adoption that never legally took place

Patricias new memoir, Wonderland: Memoir of a Black-Market Adoption will be available from Unsolicited Press on 3 November 2026

Patricia can be found at: https://myadoptedlife.com/ Please visit her website and join the launch list to receive updates and to sign up for free giveaways related to the release of her memoir.

Patricia can also be reached at Patricia@myadoptedlife.com, and at 512-289-5372

Patricia was born in Texas, and supposedly adopted under Texas adoption laws.

https://adopteerightslaw.com/texas/

https://www.dshs.texas.gov/vital-statistics/birth-records/original-birth-certificate-adult

Please be aware that, in order to receive a noncertified copy of an original birth certificate if adopted in Texas, the adopted person must already know the name(s) of any parents listed on the certificate

Mentioned in the episode:

Georgia Tann https://www.historydefined.net/georgia-tann/

https://lisacooperellison.com/

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-human-design-8729468

https://psychiatrymagazine.com/why-trauma-affects-memory-ptsd-memory-loss/

The listing of services and of human design is provided for informational purposes and should not be considered an endorsement by the host or the podcast

The opinions of the host and of their guest are just that, their opinions

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

Thank you for listening!

Hi! Please join Dani Joy and me as we continue our conversation about adoption and spiritual trauma. We are using the book Holy Hurt, Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing by Hillary L McBride PhD as a framework for our discussion.

Dani Joy is a mother of loss to adoption, a blogger, a homesteader and an advocate for family preservation, mothers rights and adoptee rights. She can be found at:

https://danijoy.substack.com/

https://medium.com/@danijoy/melissa-thank-you-for-adding-me-304c03f358be

https://www.facebook.com/joyfuldj

Holy Hurt: https://www.hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt

Mentioned in the episode:

https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/internal-family-systems-model-outline

https://ifs-institute.com/store/419

https://concernedunitedbirthparents.org/

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/a-psychologist-explains-how-to-deal-with-imposter-syndrome

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-talk

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

Please reach out for help if you are struggling. You matter.

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

https://rainn.org/

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Thank you for listening!

Please join me and guest host Dani Joy as we continue our conversation on adoption and spiritual healing. We are using the book Holy Hurt: Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing, by Hillary L McBride, PhD as a framework for our series.

Dani is a homesteader, writer, mother of loss to adoption and family preservation advocate. She can be found at

https://medium.com/@danijoy/dissociation-8118d4adad70

https://danijoy.substack.com/

https:/www.facebook.com/joyfuldj

Holy Hurt book can be found at : https://www.hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt

Mentioned in the podcast:

https://concernedunitedbirthparents.org/

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, our opinions.

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist, or an adoption professional.

Thank you for listening!

I did a scary thing. Now I am doing another scary thing and sharing some impressions from attending the annual retreat for Concerned United Birthparents without relistening or editing or anything! Because, why not?

https://concernedunitedbirthparents.org/

https://savingoursistersadoption.org/

https://thefamilypreservationproject.com/

https://www.adopteeson.com/

https://www.adopteesffp.org/

https://adoptionpop.com/

https://kristalparke.net/

https://aireroots.com/

https://depts.washington.edu/mswnews/2024/11/adoptee-consciousness-model-workshop-w-bipoc-adoptee-collective/

https://dearabbycounseling.com/

If you are struggling, please reach out for help.

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

The opinions of the host are just that, my opinions.

Thank you for listening.

What does Adoption Abolition mean? Please join me and my guest Lorah Gerald as we talk about some of our thoughts on this topic.

Lorah is a Baby Scoop Era, Domestic US adopted person. She can be found athttps://lorahgerald.com/

There are some statistics quoted in the episode that may be difficult to believe, and hard to find. This is because they change from year to year, and the way you input your query changes the results you will receive. I am going to just list some of the sources for information and you can go and check them out.

Regarding the number of private infant adoptions in the United States per year-these numbers are not adequately captured, as reporting is uneven and not tracked in many locations. The best we can do is estimates based on different adoption organizations. This means the numbers can vary even in a single calendar year. The numbers also vary depending on whether you consider the sale of frozen embryos to be adoption, which legally is not considered adoption, even if there is zero genetic connection between the birthing person and the embryo. This is because an embryo is not a person. It is a tissue transfer.

Unicefs reports on children in substitute care and on quality of life for children and families

https://unioncitizenship.com/best-family-friendly-countries/

childbenefitstracker.org

https://gitnux.org/current-foster-care-statistics/

World Population Review

https://www.usnews.com/news/best-countries/best-countries-for-quality-of-life

Scotland's baby boxes:

https://www.mygov.scot/baby-box

vs the US version, which is not a resource program:

https://stopshbbnow.org/

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

Thank you for listening!

Please join Dani and I as we continue our conversation about adoption and spiritual trauma. We are using the book Holy Hurt: Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing by Hillary L McBride PhD as a scaffold for our conversation.

Dani is a mother of loss to adoption, a writer, a homesteader and an advocate for the rights of mothers and adopted people. She can be found at:

https://medium.com/@danijoy

https://substack.com/@danijoy

https://www.facebook.com/joyfuldj

Holy Hurt https://www.hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

The host and their guest's opinions are just that, their opinions.

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

Thank you for listening!

Please join Dani Joy and I as we keep working on exploring the spiritual trauma that is adoption! We are using the book Holy Hurt by Hillary L McBride, PhD as a scaffold for our conversation

Dani Joy is a mother of loss to adoption, a homesteader, a writer and an ally. She can be found at: https://medium.com/@danijoy

https://substack.com/@danijoy

https://www.facebook.com/joyfuldj

https://www.hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/grounding-techniques

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

Thank you for listening!

Please join us as we continue our conversation about spiritual trauma and adoption from our perspectives as an adoptee and as a mother who terminated her parental rights for the purposes of adoption. We are using the book Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing as a scaffold.

You can find Dani Joy at: https://www.facebook.com/joyfuldj

https://substack.com/@danijoy/note/p-191085730

https://medium.com/@danijoy

https://www.hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt

Mentioned in the episode:

https://www.britannica.com/topic/Mennonite

https://faithalone.org/grace-in-focus-articles/what-is-free-grace-theology/

Mentioning religions in the notes does not mean that the host or the podcast are recommending these religions or their beleifs

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

Thank you for listening!

Please join me and my guest Dani Joy as we continue our conversation on spiritual trauma and adoption, from the perspectives of an adopted person and a mother of loss to adoption. We are using the book Holy Hurt by Hillary L McBride PhD as a guide for our discussion.

https://medium.com/@danijoy

https://www.hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt

https://youtu.be/3e0-SsmOUJI?si=LfXUJu2f59sjqdTh

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, our opinions

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

Thank you for listening!

Please join Dani Joy and me, Ande, as we continue to discuss spiritual trauma and adoption, with the book Holy Hurt by Hilary McBride PhD as a scaffold. The foundation has been established, and now we are beginning the section of the book that discusses actively processing our trauma. We are working through this in real time, unscripted. Let us know if any of this feels familiar!

Dani is a mother of loss to adoption, a homesteader and a writer. She loves to hear from people. She can be found at: https://medium.com/@danijoy

https://substack.com/@danijoy

https://www.facebook.com/joyfuldj

https://www.hillarylmcbride.com/

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

Thank you for listening!

Yes, I am terrible at titles, and hate to mislead. Just laying that out there.

Dani Joy, mother of loss to adoption and me, late discovery adopted person (as well as an intercountry adoptee from foster care in the UK to the US) continue to talk about deconstructing from the adoption narrative and from religious and spiritual trauma. What do they have to do with each other? Family loss is a profound spiritual trauma, and the belief systems we grew up in promote and glorify family loss via adoption.

Dani can be found at: https://medium.com/@danijoy

Dani enjoys hearing from people.

We are using the book Holy Hurt as a scaffold for our conversation. The book and information about the author can be found at: https://www.hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt

Mentioned in the episode:

https://drlauraeanderson.com/

Moms and adopted people are overrepresented in statistics for mental health issues, including suicidal ideation. Isolation and grief are two issues that profoundly impact our community. If you are in need of support, please reach out to someone. I am including some links to mental health helplines, as well as the link to Concerned United Birthparents and to Saving our Sisters. If anyone is aware of any adoptee -centric helplines that are not in some way controlled by the adoption industry, please let me know. Thank you!

https://rainn.org/

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

https://concernedunitedbirthparents.org/

https://www.savingoursistersadoption.org/

Saving our Sisters and CUB are not mental healthcare providers, but are or are aware of support groups and resources for moms.

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

Thank you for listening!

Hi! Please join me and my guest host Dani Joy as we continue with the next section of our conversation on spiritual trauma from our perspectives as a mother of loss to adoption and as a late discovery adopted person, raised in white, Christian contexts.

Dani Joy is a mom and a homesteader. She can be found at:https://medium.com/@danijoy

https://www.hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt

Mentioned in the episode:

https://editionsdujournal.groupelivre.com/products/ne-mappelez-pas-roxana?variant=48067092021505

https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=core+emotions+chart&form=HDRSC3&first=1

https://buddhistlearning.org/how-to-meditate-a-beginners-guide-to-buddhist-meditation/ This is a beginners quide to Buddhist meditation principles. Including this here is not an endorsement of a religion or a religious practice. This is provided because it includes what I was taught when attending meditation sessions at a local Buddhist monastery.

Exploring our emotions, learning to recognize and to name them, can be overwhelming if we are not used to doing so. If you are feeling dysregulated or distressed, please seek support. I am including here links to some resources that might align with your needs.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

https://rainn.org/

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions.

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional.

Thank you for listening!

Please join us as we continue our conversation around spiritual trauma and adoption as we work our way through the book Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing by Hillary L McBride PhD . Todays' episode explores the concept of spiritual bypassing as a coping mechanism to avoid feeling our core emotions. Joining me again today is Dani Joy, mom, homesteader, exvangelical.

Dani can be found at: https://medium.com/@danijoy

https://hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt-book/

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions.

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional.

Thank you for listening!

Please join Dani Joy and I as we delve into the core emotions and how we are born with these crucial forms of communication. We continue to explore how adoption and spiritual trauma intersect, using the book Holly Hurt as a framework for our discussion.

Dani Joy can be found at: https://medium.com/@danijoy

https://hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt-book/

Mentioned in the episode:

https://www.relinquishedbook.com/

https://savingoursistersadoption.org/saving-our-sisters-about-us/

https://thefamilypreservationproject.com/

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

Thank you for listening!

Please join Dani Joy and I as we continue our conversation about spiritual trauma and adoption. We are using the book Holy Hurt: Understanding Spiritual Trauma and the Process of Healing by Hillary L McBride, PhD as a scaffold for our conversation. We just started Chapter 5!

How do the roles of victim, villain and rescuer play out in your life? What do they have to do with spiritual trauma? With adoption? Let us know what you think after you join us for the episode.

Dani Joy can be found at: https://medium.com/@danijoy

She loves to hear from people!

https://hillarylmcbride.com/books/

https://mental-health-matters.org/2021/01/20/what-is-the-karpman-drama-triangle/

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions,

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

Thank you for listening!

Please join Dani Joy and me as we continue to discuss spiritual trauma and adoption. I am a Late Discovery, Intercountry adopted person. Dani is a mother of loss to adoption.

Dani can be found at https://medium.com/@danijoy

https://hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt-book/

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/generational-trauma

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12220155/

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6378493/

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions

the host is not a lawyer, therapist, or an adoption professional

thank you for listening

Please join Dani Joy and I as we continue to explore spiritual trauma using the book Holy Hurt by Hillary L McBride Phd as a scaffold for our discussion. How might these spiritual wounds relate to Dani's experience as a mother of loss to adoption? How has my being an adopted person been shaped by spiritual trauma? In this installment we talk about the return to the familiar, even when the familiar hurts.

Dani Joy is a mother of loss to adoption, a homesteader and blogger. She can be found at: https://medium.com/@danijoy

https://hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt-book/

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24881-cptsd-complex-ptsd

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

Thank you for listening.

Please join Dani Joy and I as we discuss the section What we need from the beginning, from the book Holy Hurt by Hilary L McBride, PhD.

Dani is a mother of loss to adoption, as well as a homesteader, advocate and writer. Dani can be found at: https://medium.com/@danijoy

https://hillarylmcbride.com/holy-hurt-book/

https://www.healthcentral.com/mental-health/get-help-mental-health

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions.

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional

Thank you for listening!

California Alliance For Adoptee Rights and Senator Wahab have a bill being heard in the Health Committee this Tuesday, 23 June 2026. They need you to call the members of the Health Committee to ask that they vote yes on the bill as it is written, without amendments.

Please follow the link to find a script and the phone numbers of the members of the Health Committee.

https://www.facebook.com/CAadopteerights/posts/pfbid034DfNoKF8Kd3KM7c5jHPbu7XEAKBGkhFMbmLAH2GTVTzBQLcbjkZsFadKhyvMaBgSl

If for some reason the link does not work, please go to California Alliance for Adoptee Rights and click on the featured post at the top of the page.

Thank you so much for your support.

The host is not a lawyer, a therapist or an adoption professional.

The opinions of the host and their guest are just that, their opinions.

Thank you for listening.