The Buddy System with Chris & Matty

Our buddy Cliff Cash (@cliffcashcomedy) is in the studio, mid-tour, to talk about sleeping in a $4,900 station wagon for five years, how he'd run the Democratic Party, and exactly what he thinks of the Austin comedy scene. (Joe Rogan did the acid wrong)

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Greg Kennedy (@_gregkennedy) is back, and yes, he's the goo guy. Greg talks about his new national goo fame as he grapples with changing the internet forever, it’s Space Month and Greg loves aliens & horror movies and Chris and Matty do not like spooky scaries, Greg and Chris used to live in the male brothel together, Greg got diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer which stinks bad, luckily they were wrong which rules but is very insane, Chris cancels 80% of the plans he makes with his friends but he’s awesome at mountains, Greg sucks at hiking but he did hangout with legit satanists in HS while they did rituals in the woods, Gore Orphanage in Ohio vs Bachelor’s Grove in Illinois, ghosts ghosts ghostsssss, are orbs in photos ghosts?, aliens are def real but are they already like hanging with with us and being weird?

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Latin vs sandwiches, people will hate redheads forever, spooky season is upon us, Chris’s gf would’ve been a famous & ruthless madam 150 years ago, Chris and Matty don’t like horror movies, Matty is never not sad and scared, Human Centipede guy belongs in a special jail for insane perverts, Fall is objectively the best season, Christianity stole tons of pagan stuff, the Irish invented Jack o lanterns but way scarier, cops are allowed to do drugs actually, being a teenage stoner in the aughts made you a secret agent, charming uplifting budtenders, Chris and Matty love Shaunak in a huge way, new segment intro- Oking & Doking: American Times!, k****ing all the horses seems like a chill non-villain thing to do, we need more Erin Brockoviches, playing cards are actually crazy, shoutout Panic Shack

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Growing up Catholic and going to catholic college after you’re kinda down, Pittsburgh accents, the Flint Michigan rap scene, living in a comedian brothel with six people, day jobs in comedy, Chris and Matty are afraid to scare smart people, crowds on the road, first standup sets/first jokes, getting good at comedy and not quitting , everything’s gonna be fine right?, there’s a difference between weird and dumb, check out Dan on the road and in Europe!

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Our buddy Janet Mac! Moving to NYC from Boston for comedy, Chris loves the bus more than his own car, Janet has a famous cat that ran for mayor and the real mayor wanted in, Matty and Janet know a ton about sports and Janet learns that Peyton Manning is actually bad at football, someone in Boston gets punched in the face every single day for disrespecting Tom Brady, Janet is a self-taught accountant and genius, Chris and Matty try to answer tax questions, Chris explores the concept of business cats, Matty and Chris annoy Janet with their accents and tomfoolery, the irs is now paying ppl to snitch and is about to be weaponized, diamonds are intrinsically worthless, maple syrup mafias, comedians can be terrible houseguests

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We picked the manosphere as this week's topic and joined it by accident about four minutes in. Somewhere in here Chris explains why he thought Clavicular was an AI company, Matty makes a strong case for sleeping in a bed of goo, and we learn that some whales grow barnacles on purpose so they can punch harder.

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Chris gets to float a Tennessee river, friends in comedy and also not in comedy, weird side jobs in standup, getting a uhaul stuck under an overpass does not mean crashing it, Matty had to kill a mouse but like a wild west gentleman, Chris owns a squirrel ghost now, Matty found a tooth as a boy which is chill, toenail underpants, blow darts are no joke fr, Mexican Independence Day book report, Napoleon’s brother Joe literally moved to New Jersey, animals of the week, Chris’s cat might have a demon

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Kids are mean to poor David, Matty is always bleeding, David had a way of simply appearing into your life and he also loves frisbee more than most things in the world, David’s comedy journey! and his insanely prolific style of writing standup, inside baseball comedy talk with the fellas, Montreal New Faces, Canadian Border Patrol (matty got deported), Dave’s first big acting role had a ton of goats, commercial auditions, and maybe best quote of the century:

“Stand-up is hard to do the right way.” - David Drake

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Sporting, Matty pretends to know what sports are through a series of white knuckle lies, Bears are gonna have the best season in the history of the world, Bears/Broncos Super Bowl, comedians trying to cook, beige goo, horrendous food photos, the boys talk cooking, butchers, farm stands, late night food in the UK vs US, Irish comedy boom, Dublin comedy festival, Chris and Matty’s fake accents, underage fake IDs with bad accents, Gaelic football, hurling, Mayo vs Kerry, we love you.

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AI sucks, it's summer forever now, Hunger Stones - just as uncool as they sound, Chris loves weddings especially super sweaty ones, Happy Birthday National Parks!, eff data centers hugely, can we try to drain volcanoes or nah, Chris is a man of feasting not dancing, quick obligatory LOTR lesson for Matty, JK Rowling maybe a lil racist or a lot, vote against data centers please!

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Chris continues to get stronger every day, insane gym guy, Matty’s fancy gym vs. Chris’s toilet facility, Matty repeats yet another story (he’s so sorry this is me and him), pervasive anxiety, 90s kids, beat cops, disorderly conduct, horny killer moose are everywhere, big big horribles, Chris’s weird butt doctor, drinking at Costco, Polish submarines and karate, turns out Chris was a snake kid, wildfires, we love you

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Chris tells tales of the road, Matty makes a weird friend in the sauna, Chris and Matty are basically fitness gurus and also mean hangry boys, Chris'll be a good post-apocalyptic leader, public executions, Alcatraz, other prisons, malls, a mall that’s now a prison, hunting Chomsky, breeding and selling a line of Jimothy’s

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Lucia Whalen (@luciawhalen) is back with a wall nine inches from her bedroom window and a New York Times byline about a tuna melt. We pass the pod's first tuna policy, propose mandatory tap shoes for men, and make her watch some videos she has never seen.

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We finally land the #1 best guest, getting arrested in high school, Matty got to pretend he was a Higgins on a father/son trip to Oregon, Elliot’s childhood cannon, rail torpedoes, normal boyhood stuff like exploding train tracks, Chris’s arch nemesis: the seagull, playing tug of war with and eel and then also an octopus, cryptid of the week: the PNW Apecat

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Frog tongue cheeseburger, reading fantasy books vs. animal tracking, rat pocket tailor, Luke and Matty roast Chris’s outfit for six hours, doing a S&P 500 in your pants for hotel dominance, Luke’s extremely dope wolf shirt/the wolves inside us all, Nimrods, posses, hell yeah city

New Episodes every Tuesday!

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Bastille day, march on Versailles, eagle or vulture, profesh executioners, coy wolves, British swan laws, where the christ are all the baby Garys

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Matty's a bit of a doctor himself, George Washington coulda been a nobody, 4th of July fireworks and fungi, World Cup fans, professional perverts, open wounds in flood water, Frozen is a phenomenal film.

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Matty has spider bones, a man called Grover, Colorado suckholes, White Sox mascot, beautiful brave sons, hogs both small and mangled, Proboscis monkey, Chris doesn’t trust his own ass

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90s Jock Jams, the World Cup song situation (why Jelly Roll?), the show Alone, a Naked and Afraid snakebite story

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