The Grade Cricketer

Not sure if you caught it, but there was a Test match here in Cape Town, it finished up yesterday. Doesn’t matter, you wouldn’t be interested.

Anyway, the last few years were fun. We now lick our wounds and ready ourselves for the next 15 years of pain. When does the footy start, again?

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So. Was this a good use of our collective Saturday nights? Sitting at home watching whatever this was?

It's a take-your-licks kind of result. A commanding win for the Saffas. A seismic, humiliating defeat for the Aussies.

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How good is Test cricket? It's great if you're an Aussie who loves to feel pain on a Saturday night.

Maybe the Aussies could convince the Saffas to head to Maverick's tonight for the second best steak in town?

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How many times does this Aussie team need to hurt TGC? Don't they understand they're costing us downloads every time they win a session? No Marnus, no Smudge, the future is here and it's at Mavericks.

Although it is sad what's happened to South African cricket.

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Just when you thought it was all over for this team. Just when you switch the TV off on a Tuesday night thinking "I think I'm finally done with this sport". We get whatever this was.

Turns out this Australian team just needs obscene levels of kink to get itself going.

Is Cape Town 'Choke City'? Is Toorak shopping called off? Is Table Mountain cancelled?

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We sniff an ambush, but who's ambushing whom? Can't say, but there's something about South Africa that brings Australian cricket to a screeching halt. And as we close in on the deciding third Test we ask: Wouldn't everything be easier if Australia just made Smudge our Olympic Games bearer? Someone get Kitty Flanagan on the phone.

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Faf du Plessis joined TGC live and in the flesh ahead of the Cape Town Test with the stunning Table Mountain as the backdrop as the boys discuss towels, mints, the series thus far and a deep dive into what actually happened here in 2018. We also got a first hand look at his Proteas baggy cap.

And yes, he looked amazing.

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Was this the worst loss under this Australian leadership? No, that was 3 tests ago in Darwin. Scott Boland is the greatest all rounder in test cricket history? It takes a lot to get this team out of bed. WE ARE IN AFRICA.

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Nihilism: Nihilism is a philosophical stance asserting that life lacks inherent meaning, purpose, or objective value. Derived from the Latin word nihil (meaning "nothing"), it denies the existence of absolute moral truths, universal ethics, or intrinsic foundations for human knowledge.

TGC’s beach house fundraiser. One of the most bitter days in this teams journey. David fires up the Twitter account again. Jansen looks impossible to score off.

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South Africa balls deep in this match. Is it Australia’s time to park the bus? There is no win in this match for Australia. Temba Bavuma enters the crease facing a hat trick ball on day 1 and leaves the crease with his highest ever test score on day 3.

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A race against time for Australia. Hoff takes a rest with a stomach bug. Now that Renshaw has a WWI style moustache, he is allowed to take screamers in slip. Bavuma holds it together for South Africa. Batters caught in no mans land. Is this just what cricket looks like in other nations?

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The day ends 2/20 after 12.2 overs. Boland goes bang, bang after Pat Cummins practically chooses to bowl before the toss. It's very wet with more rain to come. There will be no early tee times.

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Australia wins and the world gives it crickets. Renshaw's 272 runs are just paper and the deepest aims of Australian cricket are to restore the warm hues of our childhood.

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Credit where it's due or is Bailey kissed on the d**k? Matthew Renshaw is the greatest middle order batter has ever seen. Endless depth of Australian quicks. Can we expect to see more out of South Africa in the 2nd test or will this series fizzle out to a 3-0 win for Australia. Alex Malcolm joins the show to break down what actually happened in Durban.

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AUSTRALIA WIN. AUSTRALIA WIN. AUSTRALIA WIN. And the thanks need to go to the former players who gave these guys the shove they needed to actually pull their socks up and give a damn for once!!!

The day moved slow then fast thanks to career-best figures from Josh Hazlewood as he got the ball to reverse…somehow…in South Africa. We’re not asking any questions there.

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Who’s winning? Sure, we don’t ask that in Test cricket. But if we were to ask it, which we are, then Australia is winning.

For the first time since the early 2000s, Australia’s batting looks good. Matt Renshaw looks good, he knows how to play the spinners and he knows how to get past 50. We don’t want to jinx it at all, but with 6 wickets Australia are definitely winning this Test match and the series and everything forever.

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Don’t listen to what others are saying and don’t look at the lead of 139 runs at the end of Day 3. Australia are unders are we are filthy.

Are South Africa’s batters feeling the effects of not playing Test cricket in about 120 months?

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It’s Renshaw, it’s always been Renshaw but especially now with a Daddy hundred on foreign soil to turn the match around. So he’ll go ahead and join the back of the queue to bat at 5 for Australia. Doesn’t matter, Mitch Marsh is probably going to take everyone’s spot by the end of the series anyway.

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It’s the same game we’ve watched from Australia in the last 10 years, we’re completely unhappy with the scoreline and we still wholeheartedly believe that Australia will take a three-figure first innings lead.

Meanwhile, Bailey bamboozles us with his latest Magic Eye trick. Maybe there's something there to see, we don't see it, but we've never been good with these things.

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Cricket season is here.
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