The Rules

Comedian, actor and one half of The Lovely Boys, Will Robbins (Talking Good) demands that Simon help stop people running on pavements, having fun at the fair and offering him pudding when he goes round for dinner.

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Award-winning comedian, writer and podcaster Glenn Moore (BudPod / Button Boys) insists Simon help prevent him from always giving up his seat for pregnant people, picking up dust with his bare feet and being labelled a potential litterer.

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In the eighth compilation episode, Simon is joined by Chloe Petts to rebuild society in the image of Noddy, Robbie Knox to make airports run more efficiently with electric shocks and Sunil Patel to dump curries on people's heads and punch them in the face.

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In the seventh compilation episode, Simon is joined by Matt Lucas to banish Nutella enthusiasm, Eryn Tett to end the tyranny of the star-based review system and Eshaan Akbar to pluck dalliers from ticket barriers with giant claws.

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In the sixth compilation episode, Simon is joined by Matt Forde (The Political Party) to make fat cats be respectful to waiters, Kate Barron to bring dog owners to heel and Rich Fulcher (Talkbox) to shame seat pigs.

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In the fifth compilation episode, Simon is joined by Alasdair Beckett-King (Loremen / Alasdair & Eleanor Read That) to put opera twats in their place, Shalaka Kurup (Hard Lines) to stop people disrespecting time and Jordan Brookes to consider loading everyone into the Matrix.

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In the fourth compilation episode, Simon is joined by Matt Crosby (Pappy's) to curb his family's obsession with opening packets of cheese, Eleanor Morton (Alasdair & Eleanor Read That) to clean up streets covered in phlegm and Chris Cantrill (Icklewick FM/ Rural Concerns) to make sure train seats are for bums not bags.

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In the third compilation episode, Simon is joined by Elis James (Elis James & John Robins) to ensure everyone laughs at his jokes, Lorna Rose-Treen (Time of the Week) to bring a halt to unwarranted tickling and Jake Bhardwaj (Joe Marler Will See You Now / The Pub Quiz Pod) to limit people's access to dad-jokes.

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In the second compilation episode Simon is joined by Rhys James to quell the chaos on pavements, Finlay Christie to abolish awkward conversations about money and Annie McGrath to make lidos great again.

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In the first compilation episode, Simon is joined by Tom Parry (Pappy's) to make house buying a breeze, Rob Copland to reign in food influencers and Sikisa to bring equality to weeing in public.

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Legendary stand-up and presenter Russell Howard (Five Brilliant Things) guides Simon towards diffusing hatred with pensioners dressed as animals and gluing society together with pranks.

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Comedian and director Stuart Laws (Week Minded Podcast) helps Simon invoke God to humble bad drivers and one-man bands to prevent people standing too close in queues.

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Comedian, artist and podcaster Poppy Hillstead (Poppy Hillstead Has Entered The Chat) encourages Simon to punish wrongdoers by putting their avatar into a digital nightmare inspired by Hideo Kojima and her Uncle Dave.

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Award-winning comedian, writer and podcaster Dane Buckley (Welcome to Hell) schools Simon in the art of tea-making and launches a mutiny to take over the Rulebook itself.

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Award-winning stand-up Evaldas Karosas implores Simon to make cities more like villages by introducing everyone to each other's mothers and divvying up the world's information.

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Stand-up, writer and presenter Andrew White insists Simon introduce rules to make supermarkets honour their deals, charity shops keep their prices low and football bores stop ruining games for everyone around them.

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Multi-award-winning stand-up and writer Heidi Regan urges Simon to silence disruptive noises with withering insults and beefeaters.

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Writer and Youtuber Mark Cooper-Jones (Map Men) encourages Simon to figure out rules that make it easier for him to talk with strangers and get rid of everybody's pets.

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Writer, producer, author and stand-up Ashley Blaker (BBC Radio 4's Hyperfixations) begs Simon to make people stop starting conversations about his tattoos and start stopping at zebra crossings.

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Writer, actor, comedian and podcaster Tom Crowley (Crowley Time, with me Tom Crowley) persuades Simon to help eradicate meat walls on train platforms with hopscotch and dedicated perv-carriages.

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