Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex & Love

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’m healing from years of sexual betrayal, and now I’m also experiencing spiritual betrayal as my husband has left our shared faith and is pursuing a different religion. How do I process this loss and know whether there is still hope for our marriage?
• After 30 years of addiction and repeated deception, I’m struggling to believe my husband can truly recover and become honest. How realistic is lasting recovery, and are there resources that can help someone learn to recognize and practice genuine honesty?
• We’re six months into recovery, and because my husband’s betrayal involved fantasy and a lack of intimacy, extended periods without sex actually trigger my fears. How should we approach the recommendation to abstain from intimacy for 90 days?

If you'd like your questions answered on Unfiltered, send them to us at unfiltered@puredesire.org.

Resources:

Jason Martinkus' Site

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer the following questions:

• What are some resources or tips on how to talk to children about masturbation? As parents, we weren’t educated about it, and we don’t want it to be a shaming conversation, but it is awkward.
• I found something on my child’s phone that made me realize they may be experimenting with sexual content. I’m scared and don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to ignore it. How do I have that first conversation in a way that keeps the door open for honesty?
• I want to teach my kids about healthy sexuality, but I’m not sure how much to say or where to start. I don’t want to make the conversation awkward or overwhelming, but I also don’t want them learning about sex from the internet or their friends. Where do I begin?

If you'd like your questions answered on Unfiltered, send them to us at unfiltered@puredesire.org.

Resources:

Parent Training Course

How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex Book

Youth Leader Library

Girl Talk

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer the following questions:

- I’m six months into my husband’s second attempt at recovery, and I’m afraid he may be sober without truly addressing the underlying issues. How can I know he’s genuinely pursuing lasting recovery?

- I feel detached from my feelings and marriage after years of disclosures and broken trust. How can I honestly know whether I want to stay, especially when hope, fear, and wanting to do the right thing make me feel like I don’t have a choice?

- After my husband’s disclosure, I confided in his parents and initially felt supported. Now they’re telling me to trust God, forgive, and stop being suspicious. How do I respond when I no longer feel safe confiding in them?

If you'd like your questions answered on Unfiltered, send them to us at unfiltered@puredesire.org.

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer the following questions:

- As a woman who struggles, I carry so much shame about it. Sometimes I wonder if this behavior says something terrible about who I am. How do I separate my identity from my struggles and begin healing without being consumed by shame?

- I've noticed that my sexual behaviors often increase when I feel lonely, rejected, stressed, or emotionally overwhelmed. I know the behavior isn’t really meeting the need underneath it, but I still keep going back to it. How do I learn to recognize and respond to those deeper needs differently?

- I’ve realized that a lot of my sexual behavior is connected to wanting to feel attractive, desired, or validated by other people. Even when I know I’m crossing boundaries, that attention can feel incredibly powerful. Why do I crave that validation so much, and how do I begin changing that pattern?

If you'd like your questions answered on Unfiltered, send them to us at unfiltered@puredesire.org.

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer the following questions:

- Since in recovery, I see some changes in my husband, but I still experience defensiveness, blame-shifting, and a lack of empathy. I’m struggling to know if I’m expecting too much. Can true recovery happen without accountability, emotional safety, and genuine empathy?

- I see my husband making meaningful recovery changes, but I’m concerned he still views sex—his “biological need”—as a solution to his addiction. How do we understand healthy sexuality, intimacy, and responsibility without placing his recovery on me?

- Just as I was beginning to heal, I discovered my husband has had sexual fantasies involving my sisters and close friends. This level of betrayal feels deeper and seems different from masturbating to strangers. Is this common in addiction, and how do I recover from such a personal betrayal?

If you'd like your questions answered on Unfiltered, send them to us at unfiltered@puredesire.org.

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’m struggling to trust that my husband is being honest about relapses, especially when I don’t always know the truth. This is why we’re taking a break from sex. How can trust be rebuilt, and when is it healthy to reintroduce sexual intimacy into our marriage?
• Four months after discovery, I’m struggling to know what transparency should look like in recovery. How much should my husband share about his struggles, and how can trust grow if he says I’m not safe to tell?
• After our full disclosure, I was devastated. My husband is fully committed to recovery, and I see real change, yet I still want to leave. Can healing happen even when trust seems impossible to rebuild?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’ve been hiding my sexual behaviors for years, and I’m exhausted from living a double life. I love God and want freedom, but I keep falling back into the same patterns. How do I break the cycle of shame and believe lasting recovery is possible?
• I know my behaviors have hurt the people I love, and I want to be honest, but I’m terrified of the consequences. I don’t know how to balance taking responsibility with not overwhelming others. What does healthy honesty and disclosure look like in recovery?
• I’m beginning to realize my sexual behaviors have been a way of coping with loneliness, stress, and unresolved pain. If I take these behaviors away, I’m afraid of what I’ll be left to face. How do I heal the deeper wounds without returning to old coping mechanisms?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• After decades of sexual abuse and coercive control, I finally divorced. Even now, I struggle to believe I'm valued beyond sex and to feel safe. How can I heal from these deep wounds and reclaim my worth?
• My husband shows signs of change, but after years of him attacking my character and wanting physical connection, the emotional whiplash leaves me unable to trust. I’ve lost confidence in myself and feel like I’m barely surviving. How do I begin to heal?
• Is lasting sobriety from pornography actually realistic, or am I signing up for being retraumatized indefinitely with every relapse? I feel like every relapse cuts away at my soul and I’m losing myself in this battle.

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Resources:

Register For The 2026 Summit Now!

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- I’m struggling to reconcile my husband’s faith with the disturbing, demented, and truly evil sexual behaviors I discovered. How do I process the shock of what he’s done without minimizing the harm or becoming consumed by it?

- I struggle to be around my spouse after years of betrayal and pseudo-recovery. Every kind of connection feels repulsive, and I need language for how I’m feeling. Is this reaction normal, and what does healing look like?

- After our full disclosure and hearing everything my husband has done, I feel like I’m married to a stranger. Will this feeling ever go away? Will he ever be the man I married?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I discovered my husband’s porn addiction 4 years into our marriage. By the grace of God we’re still married. Then 20 years into our marriage discovered that our son was addicted to same sex porn. At the time, we chose not to tell our younger daughter or extended family. Our daughter is now 20 and still doesn’t know. I don’t want to be the secret keeper or betray my daughter, and yet feel like this is my son’s story to tell. If you were in my shoes, what would you do?
• My husband disclosed his porn addiction before we married. Despite all of counseling, coaching, and ongoing recovery work, he still relapses once a month. Recently he crossed one of my firm boundaries: watching porn while home alone with our three young children. When I tried to talk with him about it, he said he felt unsafe and questioned whether my boundaries were helping me. I’m at a loss on how to move forward in this relationship and how to protect my kids.
• As a parent, I’m determined to break the cycle and create a healthier home for my children than the one we’ve experienced. What are the most important things I can do today to help them grow up with safety, trust, and healthy views of sexuality?

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I used ChatGPT to understand the pornography my husband viewed because I was desperate for answers. He now says this proves I have poor judgment. Was my response understandable or harmful?
• My husband continually fantasizes about my best friend. This has been the most enraging part of his addiction for me. How do I navigate this friendship while trying to heal?
• My wife says I'm constantly triggering her healing. I may have mild autism and struggle with empathy. Besides therapy, what can I do to support her better?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Resources:

Determined For More

Is This Autism?

Living Stones Coaching

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• Eight years into repeated disclosures and relapses, I'm separated again. Am I required as a Christian to keep pursuing reconciliation?
• After 27 years of marriage shaped by pornography addiction, I don't know if sexual intimacy is emotionally safe for me anymore. Can companionship without sex be a healthy marriage?
• My husband has hidden compulsive sexual behavior despite years in accountability groups, and my therapist now suspects severe personality pathology. How do I rebuild trust in myself after deception, gaslighting, trauma bonding, and spiritual abuse?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• After years of healing, I recently discovered information that makes me wonder whether I ever truly received a complete therapeutic disclosure. Is it ever too late for full disclosure?
• My husband recently hit rock bottom and is finally engaging in recovery, but he's had six slips in two and a half months. How do I distinguish early recovery from simply changing addiction patterns?
• Everyone talks about 90 days of abstinence, but many therapists recommend waiting 6–12 months before rebuilding sexual intimacy. What timeline should betrayed spouses consider?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• My husband struggled with pornography and a wandering eye for nearly 40 years before quitting. How long does it take for those brain pathways and bonds to change?
• I was recently told, addiction aside, that "biology kicks in" for men. Besides resisting the urge, what actually happens in the brain and body?
• What is your opinion on oral sex within marriage?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• My husband has two years of recovery, but I'm still devastated by the fact that lust will always be part of our marriage. How do I accept that without it destroying me?
• Six months after discovering my husband's betrayal involving sex workers, pornography, dating sites, and ongoing dishonesty, is it really possible for a relationship to recover from this?
• Even after two years of recovery work, I still feel profoundly alone because my husband remains emotionally unavailable. How do I navigate betrayal trauma when emotional repair isn't happening?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• My sexually addicted husband is 3 months into recovery. He said he’s never been fully honest with me. How much should he share? How can he learn to be vulnerable after 30 years of being a lone wolf?
• My husband has been sober from pornography for 12 years. He is sober but not recovering. He connects to everyone else in his life, but emotionally and physically neglects me. How do we address respect and connection when relapse isn't the issue?
• My husband and I have been on the recovery road for a long time and while our relationship is solid, we still personally sometimes struggle with emotional intimacy, like sharing our feelings with each other. Do you have suggestions or tools?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’m in a tough situation. I’m in a Betrayal & Beyond group, navigating betrayal from my husband’s porn use, and have recognized serious shame surrounding my own struggle with masturbation. I feel hypocritical for being hurt while struggling myself, and I’m unsure how to prioritize my healing. Should I address my personal struggles before fully processing the betrayal trauma, or can both healing journeys happen together?
• In my own struggle with addiction, I’ve noticed how often I fall into lies and manipulation, even when I don’t want to. Why does this pattern feel so automatic and deeply tied to my behavior? What is happening in me that makes honesty feel so difficult when I’m acting out?
• As a woman who struggles with sexual brokenness, I've tried to find help within the church, but it often feels unsafe, minimizing, or even shame-inducing. I thought the church would be the safest place to heal, so why does it feel so hard to be honest there? How do I find support when the place I expected safety feels so complicated?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• After discovering my husband’s long-hidden porn addiction and affair, my adult children and I are struggling to reconcile his deep involvement in faith and ministry with the secret double life he lived for decades. I don’t know how to explain the disconnect between genuine devotion and destructive behavior. Was his faith real, or was it all a mask?
• After years of recovery work, I’m concerned my husband’s addiction may have shifted from pornography to an unhealthy fixation on sex and physical access to me. His constant touching and spiritual justifications leave me feeling objectified instead of safe or loved. How do I set healthy boundaries around intimacy without damaging connection or recovery progress?
• After 27 years of marriage and years of counseling and recovery work, my husband recently admitted he follows his own definition of sobriety, leaving me feeling deceived and deeply used. As we prepare for full disclosure and a polygraph, I feel emotionally exhausted and ready to leave, yet conflicted by my faith and church beliefs. Am I wrong for wanting divorce after so many broken promises and shifting truths?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Resources:

Adult Children of Sex Addicts

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• After five years of betrayal and partial recovery efforts, I’m seeing new honesty and engagement from my husband, but repeated slip-ups leave me unsure what’s truly changing. I’m caring for myself well, yet struggling to discern whether this reflects early sobriety with setbacks or simply a different addiction pattern. How do I know the difference?
• Three and a half years into recovery, another disclosure of relapses has left me devastated and questioning whether I’ll ever feel deep love for my husband again. Even before this, my feelings already felt distant and dulled compared to before the betrayal. Can love truly return after repeated heartbreak, or does it change permanently?
• A year into recovery after my husband confessed long-term struggles with pornography and lust, I can see real transformation in him, yet I still feel deeply wounded by the reality that lust may always be something he battles. Even his honesty and progress don’t remove the pain this creates in me. How do I live with the ongoing reality of that struggle without feeling devastated by it?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Resources:

Lapse Vs Relapse

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• After 16 years of recovery from sex addiction, I’m realizing how deeply my relationship with my mother still shapes my emotional triggers around criticism, guilt, and performance. While our relationship has improved and I truly believe I’ve forgiven her, I still find myself reacting, trying to change or educate her, and questioning whether lingering pain means forgiveness is incomplete. Can healing from a mother’s wounds continue even after genuine forgiveness has taken place?
• I struggle with unwanted sexual behaviors and confusion around same-sex attraction. I often feel shame and uncertainty about what my experiences mean, especially when I’m trying to live with integrity. How do I understand my patterns, reduce compulsive behavior, and begin healing without self-condemnation?
• After my divorce, I’ve found myself sexually acting out in ways that leave me feeling empty and ashamed. I want to understand why this is happening and how to stop repeating it. How do I begin real healing and rebuild self-control after divorce-related pain and loneliness?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Resources:

Mother Hunger

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