Bite Your Tongue: The Podcast

Your adult child calls. Again.

The rent is due. The car payment is late. There’s another financial crisis — and once again, you’re being asked to help.

So what do you do when you know your adult child is struggling, but you also know that some of the struggle comes from their own financial choices?

In this short episode of Straight from the Listener Line: Real Questions, Real Answers, Denise turns to psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Bernsteinto answer a question many parents wrestle with:

“What do I do when my adult child keeps asking for money after making irresponsible decisions?”

Dr. Bernstein talks about the difficult place where love and limits collide — and why repeatedly stepping in to solve a financial crisis may actually keep an adult child from learning to manage one.

You’ll hear:

• The difference between rescuing and supporting
• Why “I can’t afford it” may not be the best response — especially when it isn’t true
• What you can say instead of automatically saying yes
• Ways to offer help without simply handing over cash
• Why an adult child’s anger about a new boundary doesn’t necessarily mean the boundary is wrong
• How parents can manage their own anxiety and resist the urge to rush in and fix things

Sometimes real support isn’t about making today’s problem disappear. It’s about helping our adult children become more capable of handling tomorrow’s.

Have a question for Straight from the Listener Line?
Call us at 719-347-1106 or email us at biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com.

Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much. Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

What does it really mean to be a “good daughter”?

For many women, it means remembering birthdays, making the phone calls, planning the holidays, buying the gifts, checking on aging parents, keeping siblings connected—and carrying an enormous amount of emotional and mental work that nobody else sees.

Dr. Alison Alford, author of Good Daughtering: The Work You've Always Done, the Credit You've Never Gotten, and How to Finally Feel Enough, calls this work “daughtering.” Her research explores the active—and often invisible—ways adult daughters work to keep families connected.

In this episode of Bite Your Tongue, we speak to Dr. Alford about what daughtering looks like today, particularly when women are also juggling careers, partners, children, friendships and households.

We discuss social reproductive labor and the “first, second and third shifts”: our paid work; the work of running a household; and the wider work of maintaining family and community relationships. Dr. Alford points out that men certainly do this work, too, but women are still more often expected to do it.

We also explore:

• The hypothesis of generosity. Rather than assuming an adult child's silence or absence means something is wrong in the relationship, what if we make the most generous assumption possible? Maybe they love us very much—and have simply run out of resources.
• Rumination. Dr. Alford compares replaying our hurts and worries to repeatedly running water through the same coffee grounds: eventually everything becomes bitter. Filling our own lives and practicing gratitude can help break that cycle.
• Connection versus information. When we finally get our adult children on the phone, are we peppering them with questions? Dr. Alford suggests preparing a few interesting things we can bring to the conversation instead.
• Conversational “doorknobs.” Offer topics your child can choose to open—or not. An article, a funny story, something happening in your own life. Every doorknob doesn't have to be opened.
• Judgment versus curiosity. Even positive responses such as “That's great!” can sometimes close a conversation. Instead, try curiosity: “How did you come to that?”
• Matrophobia—the fear of becoming one's mother—and why a daughter's desire to be different from us doesn't necessarily mean she's rejecting us.

And one final challenge for parents: Are we asking our daughters and daughters-in-law to carry responsibilities we don't expect from our sons? Dr. Alford suggests distributing the work. Sometimes, simply text your son instead.

Resources Mentioned

Dr. Alison Alford's Good Daughtering and her work: Daughtering 101

Dr. Alford also recommends Eve Rodsky's Fair Play, which looks at the often-invisible work required to keep a household and family functioning. Learn about Fair Play and the book

There is also a Fair Play card deck designed to help couples talk about and redistribute household responsibilities. I'm intrigued by this one! The Fair Play Deck PenguinRandomhouse.com

And here's the article Dr. Alford mentions about creating conversational “doorknobs”: Good Conversations Have Lots of Doorknobs

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much. Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

How do you set boundaries with an adult child struggling with addiction when every limit feels frightening—and potentially dangerous?

In this episode, a listener describes the painful cycle her family has been living through: addiction, crisis, promises, hope and then another setback. She loves her adult child and wants to do everything possible to keep them safe. But she is also exhausted, frightened and no longer sure whether repeatedly stepping in is helping—or allowing the cycle to continue.

Therapist Joe Nuccijoins us to talk about one of the most difficult situations a parent can face.

We discuss:

• Why addiction changes the way parents need to think about help, responsibility and boundaries
• The difference between supporting recovery and repeatedly rescuing someone from the consequences of addiction
• Why parents cannot control another person’s willingness to seek treatment
• How fear of the worst possible outcome can keep families trapped in unsustainable patterns
• Why setting a boundary is not the same as abandoning an adult child
• The importance of deciding what help parents can—and cannot—continue providing
• Why parents need support and guidance of their own
• How to remain loving and emotionally available without taking responsibility for another adult’s recovery

This is not a conversation about becoming cold or turning away from someone who is ill.

It is about recognizing that love does not give parents the power to control addiction—and that sacrificing their own emotional, physical and financial well-being cannot guarantee their child’s safety.

Listen to the full episode for more/

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much. Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

If you've listened to Bite Your Tongue for a while, you may remember this conversation with friendship expert Shasta Nelson. I'm bringing it back because when I listened to it again, I realized just how much is packed into this episode.

Yes, we talk about friendship—but we also talk about something at the very heart of this podcast: How do we build a healthier, more adult relationship with our grown children?

Shasta introduces us to what she calls the Friendship Triangle: positivity, consistency and vulnerability. And while she developed it around friendship, those same three things can tell us a lot about our relationships with our adult kids.

One part really stayed with me.

Shasta says vulnerability with our adult children isn't telling them what we think they should do differently. It's having the courage to ask what we might have done differently.

Can we ask: How did I impact you in ways I may not even realize? What was hard for you growing up? What do you wish I had done more of—or less of?

And then comes the really hard part: Can we listen to the answer without defending ourselves?

But there's another piece of this conversation I think is equally important.

We need lives and relationships outside our children.

I said during this interview that the fuller my own life is, the less I feel I have to depend on my kids. Shasta takes that idea even further. Our adult children can be incredibly important relationships in our lives—but they don't have to be our best friends. We need people our own age who can listen to us, challenge us and help us process our own feelings.

Maybe those two ideas are more connected than I realized the first time we recorded this episode.

The stronger and fuller we are outside the relationship, the better able we may be to show up inside it—with less need, less judgment, more curiosity and more vulnerability.

So whether you heard this episode the first time around or you're discovering it today, I hope you'll listen again. I certainly heard some things differently this time.

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much. Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

If you've ever stared at your phone wondering whether to send that text, this episode is for you. Sometimes the silence lasts longer than you want. Sometimes you feel them pushing away.

That's why this episode of Straight from the Listener Line: Real Questions, Real Answers, tackles one of the most emotionally difficult dilemmas parents face.

If your adult child isn't reaching out, should you call? Text? Wait? And how do you stay connected without feeling like you're chasing them?

We talk to one of our favorite therapists Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein (Dr. Jeff).

Together we discuss:

• How often should parents reach out?
• The difference between inviting connection and expressing frustration
• Why "keeping score" damages relationships
• How to talk about communication without sounding critical
• What to do when you're afraid you're doing too much—or not enough
• Are you inviting connection or pushing them away.

We found Dr. Jeff's advice to be spot on and we hope this listener who posed the question finds help, but also that all of the listeners find a kernel of support or help that they can take with them.

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much. Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This is an episode re-run and one that is still so relevant and needs a re-listen. It seems actually that it is even more relevant today. Parent's are still asking Parents are still asking, "How do I stay close to my adult child without pushing them away?" Francine Toder's answer isn't another communication technique—it's something much harder: look at yourself first.

When our children become adults, many of us assume the hardest years are behind us. But for countless parents, the challenges simply change.

In this thoughtful conversation, psychologist and author Dr. Francine Toder explains why building healthy relationships with our adult children requires something many of us never expected: changing ourselves.

Drawing from her book Your Kids Are Grown: Parenting 2.0, Francine explores why parents often experience anxiety, disappointment, and even physical stress over their adult children's decisions—and why those feelings are often signals that we need to pause before reacting.

Together we discuss:

• Why our expectations often become our biggest obstacle
• What that "knot in your stomach" really means
• How parents unintentionally push adult children away
• The importance of treating adult children as equals
• Why advice—even well-intended advice—can feel like criticism (we've heard this before!)
• How gifts and financial help sometimes come with hidden strings
• The role of self-awareness in repairing relationships
• Why our children don't need us to fix everything—they need us to understand them
• How to create a meaningful life beyond parenting

If you've ever wondered whether you're helping—or accidentally hurting—your relationship with your adult child, this episode is filled with compassionate insight and practical wisdom.

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much. Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

When an adult child moves back home once, many parents see it as temporary. But what happens when it becomes a pattern?

In this episode of Straight from the Listener Line: Real Questions, Real Answers, Denise is joined by psychotherapist Joe Nuccito answer a listener's heartfelt question about her adult son, who has returned home five different times.

Together they explore the difficult balance between offering support and fostering independence, why curiosity is more helpful than assumptions, and how parents can have honest conversations without losing compassion.

We discuss:

• Why adult children may repeatedly move back home
• The difference between helping and enabling
• Questions parents should ask before making decisions
• How curiosity can uncover the real issue
• Why temporary discomfort can sometimes lead to long-term growth
• Navigating guilt while remaining true to your parenting values

Key Takeaway

Sometimes the hardest part of parenting isn't opening the door—it's knowing when it's time to close it.

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much. Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Some conversations are worth revisiting.

As we prepared to re-release this conversation with therapist Rachel Haack, I listened to it again for the first time in several years. I thought I knew exactly what Rachel was going to say. After all, I was the one asking the questions.

But that's the gift of listening again. Sometimes the conversation hasn't changed at all—you have.

This time, Rachel's insights on defensiveness, curiosity, perfection, and the evolving relationship between parents and their adult children landed in a completely different way. I found myself reflecting not only on my parenting, but on how much I've grown since we first recorded this episode.

Whether you're hearing this conversation for the first time or listening again alongside me, I hope you'll discover something new, too.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why defensiveness is one of the biggest barriers to healthy conversations with our adult children.
• How choosing curiosity over certainty can transform difficult discussions.
• What it really means to know your adult child as the person they are today—not just the child you raised.
• Why asking, "I know I have blind spots. Would you help point them out to me?" can deepen trust and connection.
• The changing role of parents as adult children build lives, relationships, and families of their own.
• Rachel's compassionate perspective on mothers-in-law, shifting family roles, and the grief that can accompany those transitions.

• Why perfection is an impossible goal—and why embracing life's complexities leads to healthier family relationships.
The wisdom behind Rachel's grandfather's saying: "Those who know the most know to say the least."

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much. Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This is our first in a series of our new shorter segments called:

Straight from the Listener Line – Real Questions. Real Answers.

In this new series, we take one real listener question and bring in an expert to help us think it through honestly, thoughtfully, and with real-life experience behind it.

Today’s episode tackles a topic many grandparents quietly struggle with:
“What happens when you’re trying your best to help… but it still feels like you can’t do anything right?”

A listener shares the emotional challenge of being both a stepmom and mother-in-law while navigating the first year of a new baby’s life.

From formula instructions and changing nap schedules to feelings of criticism, boundaries, and the complicated dynamics between a daughter-in-law’s family and a son’s family, she describes what feels like a “no-win situation.”

Joining Denise is grandparent expert Kimberly Bepler, founder of GrandparentDoula.com and a returning guest from Season 5, Episode 95.

I thought I had the answer to this one. But I was real off and Kimberly was spot on.

She offers a compassionate and eye-opening perspective on what many new parents — especially first-time mothers — are experiencing beneath the surface:

• The intense pressure and vulnerability of new motherhood
• Why control can feel so important during the first year
• How social media and modern parenting expectations affect confidence
• Why grandparents often feel criticized even when they mean well
• The importance of supporting parents’ goals, even when they seem rigid or constantly changing
• How empathy, reassurance, and flexibility can strengthen family relationships

This conversation is thoughtful, practical, and deeply validating for grandparents trying to navigate changing family roles with love and grace.

If you’ve ever wondered:
• “Why does everything feel so sensitive?”
• “Why do I feel like I’m always getting it wrong?”
• “How do I stay supportive without overstepping?”

— this episode is for you.

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much. Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This week we're revisiting one of our most talked-about episodes. Clinical psychologist and bestselling author of the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins us discuss emotional maturity, self-awareness, and why we need to play the long game.

Many parents struggle with the feeling that they are constantly being asked to listen, validate, and accommodate their adult children while their own feelings go unheard. Dr. Gibson offers a different perspective. She argues that when the goal is preserving and strengthening a relationship, sometimes the most important thing is not proving who is right but understanding the other person's emotional experience.

In this conversation, we discuss:

• What it means to be an emotionally immature parent—and why emotional maturity exists on a continuum
• Why every parent, even the most loving parent, has moments they regret
• How stress, anxiety, and defensiveness affect our relationships with our adult children
• What to do when your adult child remembers an event very differently than you do
• Why intentions and impact are not always the same thing
• The difference between surface-level family relationships and emotionally intimate relationships
• Why validation does not mean admitting guilt or agreeing with everything your child says
• The listener question many parents ask: "Why is it always on us?"
• Dr. Gibson's perspective on estrangement and the role therapy should play in family relationships
• How parents can develop greater self-awareness and self-knowledge at any age
• Why building a healthy relationship with an adult child often requires playing "the long game"

One of the most memorable takeaways from this episode is Dr. Gibson's reminder that relationships are not courtrooms. When an adult child shares something that hurt them, focusing on understanding their experience may be more helpful than debating the facts.

Whether your relationship with your adult child is thriving, strained, or somewhere in between, this conversation offers thoughtful insights into connection, communication, and personal growth.

About Dr. Lindsay Gibson

Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and the bestselling author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Her work has helped millions of readers better understand family dynamics, emotional maturity, and the path toward healthier relationships.

To send us your own question for a future episode:
Call our Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much. Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

In our first short form episode -- Straight From the Listener Line episode -- we welcome back psychologistDr. Jeffrey Bernstein to answer a heartfelt listener question.

A mother shares her struggle after watching her once-close relationship with her son change following his marriage. She feels increasingly pushed aside and wonders how to navigate the growing distance, particularly when she believes her daughter-in-law no longer values a relationship with her husband's family.

We discusses:

• Why adult children often experience divided loyalties after marriage
• The danger of "chasing" a relationship when fear and anxiety take over
• How parents can remain emotionally open without pushing too hard
• The grief that often accompanies changing family relationships
• Why love alone doesn't always tell us what to do next

This episode offers practical guidance and compassionate reassurance for parents facing difficult changes in their relationships with adult children.

Tips you can use right away.

Read more about this episode on our Substack Behind the Mic, where after each episode we share some personal thoughts and discussion. Link here to read our current one.

Have a question you'd like us to discuss?

Call the Listener Line:
📞 719-347-1106

Or email:
📧 BiteYourTonguePodcast@gmail.com

Your question could be featured in a future episode of Straight From the Listener Line: Real Questions, Real Answers.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much. Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com

And remember…
sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

For this episode of Bite Your Tongue, we’re doing something quite a bit different.

This is the last episode of Season 7, and today it’s just me.

Me — and excerpts from one of my all-time favorite podcasts, This American Life with Ira Glass.

For those who may not know Ira’s work, he is the groundbreaking creator and host of This American Life, whose storytelling helped redefine public radio and podcasting. A recipient of the Peabody, Pulitzer, and Edward R. Murrow Awards, Ira is widely considered one of the most influential storytellers of our time.

Now, as you might guess, I would have absolutely loved to have Ira on as a guest. Sadly, that didn’t happen. But Ira did the next best thing — he very graciously gave me permission to use excerpts from his show in this episode. Honestly, I was so grateful. What a class act and what a thrill for me to connect, even briefly, with someone I admire so much.

So here’s how this all came about.

I was listening to a recent episode of This American Life called Call Your Parents, and it immediately caught my attention. As I listened, I found myself completely drawn in. In fact, when I mentioned the episode to Connie FIsher, our audio engineer, she told me she literally sat in her car until the episode finished because she was so engrossed in it.

In the episode, Ira shares recordings and conversations with his parents from when he was a young adult. While Ira never had children of his own, he has of course been an adult child — and like so many families, his relationship with his parents was loving, complicated, strained at times, and deeply human.

As I listened, I kept thinking:

Maybe this is not quite as new as we think it is.

For years on this podcast I’ve heard versions of the same questions over and over:

• Why don’t they call?
• Why don’t they visit?
• Why are relationships with adult children so hard now?
• Why does this generation seem so different?

But listening to Ira and his parents, I realized they were wrestling with many of the exact same issues decades ago.

His parents worried about his career.

He sometimes pulled away. There was judgment. Frustration. Love. Misunderstanding.

In other words, it all sounded incredibly familiar.

There are several moments in this episode that stayed with me long after I finished listening — moments that are funny, painfully honest, tender, and incredibly relatable for anyone navigating family relationships. You will love it.

And somewhere in the middle of all of it, I found myself wondering:

Are relationships between parents and adult children truly harder today? Or are we finally talking openly about struggles families have quietly carried for generations?

This finale became much more personal than I expected. It made me reflect not only on today’s struggles between parents and adult children, but on my own parents, my own choices, and the possibility that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Next up: We are dropping some short episodes called: Straight From the Listener Line," which aims to address real questions from listeners with expert insights. This initiative emphasizes the podcast's commitment to fostering dialogue and providing support for families navigating the complexities of adult relationships.

And don't forget our phone line (719-347-1106) and email address (biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com). We will never play your message on the podcast without your approval first. Let us know what is on your mind!

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much.

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Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Weddings, Family Tension, and Modern Etiquette

Episode Description:
If there is one life event that can bring together love, joy, tradition, money, and family tension all at once, it is a wedding.

In this episode of Bite Your Tongue, Denise talks with Lizzie Post — co-president of the Emily Post Institute, co-host of the Awesome Etiquettepodcast, and great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post — about how weddings have changed and why they still create so many emotional landmines for families.

Together they explore what modern etiquette really means, how parents can support their adult children without taking over, and why communication matters so much when expectations, finances, and family traditions collide.

They also tackle listener questions about guest lists, controlling money, invisible groom’s parents, wedding gifts, complicated family dynamics, and how to navigate all of it with more respect and less resentment.

A few key takeaways from Lizzie Post:

• Patience and flexibility matter more than ever
• Listen carefully before reacting
• Be honest about expectations, especially around money
• A thoughtful apology can go a long way
• Good etiquette is less about rules and more about respect, kindness, and consideration

Guest:
Lizzie Post is co-president of the Emily Post Institute, co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast, and author of several etiquette books, including Emily Post Etiquette and Emily Post Business Etiquette. Her upcoming book, The Emily Post Wedding Etiquette Book, will offer a completely modern look at weddings, relationships, and etiquette today.

Connect with Bite Your Tongue:

We hope all of you will call to share their stories, ideas, episodes they liked or did not like. We'd like to begin answering these questions in each episode. So give us a call now at
719-347-1106.

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much.

Facebook Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Website: biteyourtonguepodcast.com
Substack: Behind the Mic
Listener Line: 719-347-1106
Email: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Are you helping your adult child… or accidentally holding them back?

Many parents quietly support their adult children financially — paying rent, helping with debt, or covering emergencies. But when does helping become enabling?

In this episode, Denise talks with financial psychologist Dr. Brad Klontz about the emotional and psychological forces behind the “Bank of Mom and Dad.”

Dr. Brad tells it like it is and doesn't hold back. He's says the right things - but sometimes they are hard to hear. You decide.

Together they explore why financial dependence happens, how parents unintentionally reinforce it, and what it takes to change the pattern.

This is a tough conversation — but an important one for any parent wondering if their financial support is truly helping their child thrive.

In this episode we discuss:

• What a financial psychologist actually does
• Why money is the #1 stressor for most Americans
• The emotional drivers behind parents financially supporting adult children
• The difference between helping and enabling
• The psychology of financial dependence
• Why adult children sometimes resent the parents supporting them
• How guilt, divorce, and childhood experiences shape financial decisions
• What parents can do when an adult child refuses to become independent
• The psychological concept of an “extinction burst”
• How to create boundaries around financial help
• What to do when grandchildren complicate the situation
• Whether helping with a house down payment is a good idea
• How money can impact sibling relationships and inheritance

If you have something to add or if you have a question you'd like us to answer:

📞 Call the Bite Your Tongue listener line: 719-347-1106

You can also email us at biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com.

We are onSUBSTACK now too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much.

Facebook Instagram
Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Family estrangement is one of the most painful and least discussed challenges parents face today.

In this deeply personal and controversial episode, Denise speaks with journalist, entrepreneur, and author Laura Wellington, known online as Doormat Mom No More. After raising five children as a widowed mother, Laura found herself unexpectedly cut off by one of her adult daughters—an experience that left her heartbroken and searching for answers.

She tried desperately to find other parents who were suffering with similar loss. But noone came forward. Then, she did what she never thought she would do - put a video about her problem on TikTok. What followed was something she never anticipated: thousands of parents reaching out with similar stories. She's been featured in so many places including The Wall Street Journal, People Magazine and The Doctor Phil TV Show.

Laura is a bright accomplished woman and her story will resonate with many. It's more than just about estrangement. It's about finding yourself.

This conversation is raw, complicated, and at times uncomfortable—but it’s one many families are quietly navigating.

Whether you’re a parent, an adult child, or someone trying to understand a fractured relationship, this episode opens the door to a conversation we’re not having nearly enough.

Check out Laura's book -- Doormat Mom, No More! When Good Parents Finally say "Enough" to Their Ungrateful Kids.

If this episode resonates with you, we want to hear your story.

📞 Call the Bite Your Tongue listener line: 719-347-1106

You can also email us at biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com.

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much.

Facebook

Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Do you lie awake at night running through every possible “what if” about your adult child?

What if they make the wrong choice?
What if they don’t land on their feet?
Should I call? Should I say something? Should I bite my tongue?

In this episode of Bite Your Tongue, Denise welcomes back psychologist and parent coachJeffrey Bernstein,author of Freeing Your Child from Overthinking, to unpack the difference between anxiety and overthinking — and why that distinction matters so much in relationships with adult children.

What You’ll Learn:

• Why overthinking is a mental habit — not just anxiety
• How parents unintentionally fuel their adult child’s anxiety
• Why “less is more” is often the most loving response
• The danger of becoming a SWAT Team Parent
• How to support an overthinking adult child without fixing or rescuing
• The power of validation over advice
• How retirement and extra time can increase parental overthinking

The PACE Method

Dr. Bernstein introduces a simple but powerful tool:

P — Pause
A — Acknowledge
C — Contain
E — Engage

When parents regulate their own overthinking, adult children don’t have to defend against it.

Key Takeaway:

Overthinking fuels anxiety — and anxiety leaks into relationships.
But calm, collaborative parenting builds emotional safety.

Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is stop managing… and start mentoring.

If this resonated, tap follow, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review—your support helps more families find their footing.

Don't forget about our listening line at 719.347.1106.

We hope all of you will call to share their stories, ideas, episodes they liked or did not like. We'd like to begin answering these questions in each episode. So give us a call now at
719-347-1106.

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much.

Facebook

Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Support the show

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Are you a grandparent? If so, listen to this episode.

Boundaries, burnout, and big feelings—grand parenting can be a joy and a minefield at the same time. We invited Dee Dee Moore, founder of More Than Grand,to help us navigate the messy middle: when “free” childcare starts costing a family its energy, when in-law dynamics get prickly, and when love needs the guardrails of a clear agreement to thrive.

We start with a listener story about an eager grandmother who slid from helping to shouldering everything—until resentment and health issues made the arrangement unsustainable. Dee Dee helps the listener with her question and adds lots of tips when you are deciding to help with childcare.

Then we turn to feeling shut out by a daughter-in-law. Dee Dee reframes the “gatekeeper” idea and urges us to build a direct relationship with her as a person, not just our child’s spouse. We share examples of compliments that actually land, small trust-building gestures, and how counseling can open space when everyone is stuck.

We also tackle overbuying—why today’s parents want fewer things—and offer better ways to show love, from experiences to intentional support that fits their home and values.

Underneath it all is an identity shift: moving from fixer to “privileged bystander,” present and steady without calling the shots. We discuss preventing estrangement with early expectation-setting, learning modern safety and care practices, and staying curious instead of reactive. If you’re a new or seasoned grandparent looking for clarity, scripts, and a calmer path forward, this conversation offers tools you can use today.

If this resonated, tap follow, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review—your support helps more families find their footing.

Don't forget about our listening line at 719.347.1106.

We hope all of you will call to share their stories, ideas, episodes they liked or did not like. We'd like to begin answering these questions in each episode. So give us a call now at
719-347-1106.

We are onSUBSTACKnow too - with "Behind the Mic." We talk about how the episode resonated with us and share some inside scoop that you won't want to miss.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much.

Facebook

Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Support the show

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This episode is for mothers walking on eggshells.
For daughters who feel judged.
For families who love each other deeply but don’t know how to stop hurting each other.

In this powerful episode of Bite Your Tongue, Denise Gorant speaks with Leslie Glass and her daughter Lindsey Glass about the hardest—and most hopeful—parts of the mother-daughter relationship. Co-authors of The Mother-Daughter Relationship Makeover and its companion workbook, Leslie and Lindsey share their deeply personal journey through addiction, family conflict, estrangement, and reconciliation. Together, they explore why these relationships fracture, how communication breaks down, and what real repair actually looks like.

What We Cover:

• Why mothers and daughters trigger each other so deeply
• The independence vs. control conflict baked into motherhood
• How “helpful” comments about food, weight, or appearance become landmines
• What makes a fight toxic—and what makes it repairable
• Why estrangement can feel safer than staying in conflict
• How apologies, accountability, and boundaries rebuild trust
• Practical tools for changing communication patterns
• Why healing starts with self-work—not changing the other person

Leslie and Lindsey also share practical tools from their workbook—like replacement phrases that diffuse tension, ways to identify triggers before they explode, and why doing the work separately (not together) can be the most honest starting point.

One of the most powerful ideas from this conversation is simple but uncomfortable: "You have to decide whether you want to be right—or whether you want to stay connected."

Healing doesn’t require perfection. It requires awareness, accountability, compassion—and sometimes knowing when to bite your tongue.

We’re also launching our new listener phone line. We hope all of you will call to share their stories, ideas, episodes they liked or did not like. We'd like to begin answering these questions in each episode. So give us a call now at
719-347-1106.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much.

Facebook

Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Support the show

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

This is a controversial episode — and we want to hear from you.

📞 Bite Your Tongue Phone Line: (719) 347-1106
Call and share your thoughts, questions, or experiences.

🎁 FREE BOOK GIVEAWAY:
The first caller will receive a free copy of FCK Them Kids*. Leave your name and email.

Family estrangement has gone mainstream — from Oprah to headlines about celebrity families — and the narrative is almost always the same: parents are to blame.

But what if that story isn’t complete?

In this emotionally charged and controversial episode, Denise is joined by psychologist and author Vivian King, PhD, whose book F* Them Kids* challenges what she calls the one-sided narrative of the estrangement epidemic. Vivian speaks candidly about her own experience with estrangement, the role of social media and therapy culture, and why many loving, non-abusive parents are being dehumanized and silenced.

This conversation is not about dismissing adult children’s pain — it’s about expanding the dialogue, questioning cultural assumptions, and asking hard questions about accountability, boundaries, and dignity on both sides.

Whether you agree or disagree, this episode invites you to listen with curiosity, courage, and an open mind. We will talk about:

• The rise of “no contact” culture and the language of blame
• How social media and online echo chambers reinforce estrangement
• When therapy helps — and when it harms
• Why many estranged parents are not abusive or neglectful
• The emotional toll of estrangement on parents
• Should parents apologize “no matter what”?
• How to hold on to dignity, self-worth, and joy when a child cuts contact
• Why this conversation makes so many people uncomfortable — and why it matters

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much.

Facebook

Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Support the show

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Send us your feedback here: biteyourtonguepodcast@gmail.com or give us a ring at 719-347-1106. Tell us what is on your mind.

Now on to today's episode:

What if the hardest part of parenting adult children isn’t knowing what to do—but knowing when to stop?

In this episode of Bite Your Tongue, Denise sits down with licensed therapist and author Joanna Hardis to unpack her counterintuitive but powerful philosophy: doing nothing can be one of the most supportive things a parent does.

Joanna introduces the concept of distress tolerance—our ability to sit with discomfort without reacting—and explains why parents so often over-function, over-talk, over-explain, and over-apologize when their adult children struggle. While it may feel helpful in the moment, those reactions are often driven by our own anxiety rather than our child’s actual needs.

Together, Denise and Joanna explore:

• Why parents confuse love with action—and how that backfires
• How “doing nothing” is not abandonment, but emotional regulation
• The difference between responding thoughtfully vs. reacting emotionally
• Why swooping in sends the message “I don’t trust you”
• How over-talking and people-pleasing quietly erode connection
• The shift from doing mode to being mode in parenting
• Practical, small “weight-lifting” exercises to build distress tolerance

Joanna offers concrete tools parents can start using today—beginning with something surprisingly simple: putting your phone down and sitting with discomfort.

This conversation is a must-listen for parents who love deeply, worry constantly, and want healthier, calmer relationships with their adult children—without losing themselves in the process.

Guest Resources: 🌐 JoannaHardis.com

We’re also launching our new listener phone line. We hope all of you will call to share their stories, ideas, episodes they liked or did not like. We'd like to begin answering these questions in each episode. So give us a call now at
719-347-1106.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much.

Facebook

Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Support the show

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.