Coming Up for Air — A Toolkit to Help with Your Loved One's Recovery from Addiction & Mental Illness

Stigma is a story someone makes up about a situation. CRAFT provides a framework, and helps you take the story apart and change it, consciously addressing situations and moving forward with eyes open. Stigma takes power away, but making conscious choices brings your power back.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

•

Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET

•

Email kaylacraftgroup@gmail.com to join or learn more

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Your thoughts have power. Anxiety is a thought process. Our hosts share their experiences and most importantly, the tools we need in order to start shifting negative thinking towards positive. When we emanate that positivity, it has a cascading effect on our entire entourage. The CRAFT method for families with an addicted loved one teaches us to get a little distance from our thought patterns in order to see them more clearly. Kayla and Laurie discuss how to handle negative thinking, and why it’s important to do so.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

•

Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET

•

Email kaylacraftgroup@gmail.com to join or learn more

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Times of crisis and conflict may seem like the worst times to practice self-care -- yet in those moments, taking care of yourself is key to CRAFT. The more you learn to increase your awareness of yourself and your reaction, the more you can successfully use CRAFT tools. If what you want to happen in those times involves your loved one's actions, it's not likely to be successful. Changing your actions and reactions, however, alters the environment and creates the possibility of change.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

•

Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET

•

Email kaylacraftgroup@gmail.com to join or learn more

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

How do you communicate when you see (your Loved One's) problematic behavior?

We'll show you how to pay more attention to *intention* — CRAFT guides us to observe the behavior, and point it calmly and thoughtfully and without adding your two cents/ personal interpretation.

Once you have briefly and specifically told your Loved One how the behavior impacts you, you can then step back without expectation of an outcome, and give them the dignity of processing what you've said. Over time, this CRAFT tool can lead to long-term change.

We explain how to do this, and when are the best times to communicate.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

•

Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET

•

Email kaylacraftgroup@gmail.com to join or learn more

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

"Sectioning," or using the courts to force your loved one into treatment, is an extreme tool, and not optimal. It conflicts with some of the pillars of the CRAFT method, but it's also sometimes unavoidable. Use the CRAFT skills to understand when danger is acute, and enough to warrant sectioning.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

•

Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET

•

Email kaylacraftgroup@gmail.com to join or learn more

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Kayla and Laurie discuss short-term vs. long-term change -- start by working on one change in yourself rather than in your loved one, like focusing on your thought process, choosing to trust and step back, giving your loved one the chance to make decisions. This gives both of you the tools for slower, but more effective long-term change -- think of erosion, not a tsunami.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

•

Wednesdays at 6:30pm ET

•

Email kaylacraftgroup@gmail.com to join or learn more

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

How do you ask questions that create space for your Loved One rather than hemming them in?

We may have brilliant ideas about what someone should do, and want to share. The skills we need, however, are openness and a willingness to hear the other person and provide space and opportunity for them to process.

Learn how to back away, avoid interrupting, and let your Loved One talk without offering your feedback.

In this episode, we explain why this approach works better.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

You can help your loved one make decisions by creating a safe space -- by listening, being genuinely interested in their perspective, being non-judgmental, and allowing them to slow things down to examine their own thinking. Avoid trying to fix things yourself, and assume that they're wise enough to know what they need. Your role is to help them make their own choices.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

How do you take care of yourself when there's a crisis with your loved one? It's a process of changing how you think about yourself and your role in the dynamic. If you can change how you think -- even for small parts of the day -- it changes the dynamic with your loved one, allowing them the freedom to look at themselves, and not just worry about how they impact you. Laurie and Kayla share tips.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

In all our interactions with our loved one, it's important to be open to conversation, and seek a way to be collaborative rather than making demands. Our hosts discuss two listener questions, one about a partner who wants a debit card back, and another about a friend who's picking someone up from prison and wants to help continue their seeking of sobriety.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Motivation drives change. How do you find motivation to change your part of the dynamic, and allow time and space for the process to unfold? It's okay to sometimes feel like maybe things aren't working, then get back on track. If you don't know how to change, Allies in Recovery offers a toolbox. As long as you stay interested and use the tools, things can change.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Radical acceptance involves understanding that much of what happens is out of your control, and using strategies to calm, distract, and soothe yourself. The goal is to avoid catastrophizing -- envisioning and preparing for the worst outcomes. Radical acceptance means letting go of what you can't control, experiencing feelings and pain, but without increasing agitation, reactivity, and suffering.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

If your loved one uses multiple substances, use the "functional analysis" to understand which substance to focus on first. Start small, by changing your own behavior in response to your loved one's use. Aim to shift over time. Study CRAFT modules 3, 5, and 6 closely to help make your plans.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

After any treatment, when someone is in early recovery, check your expectations. Your loved one is likely in a fragile state, uncomfortable, edgy, body wrecked after dependency, and disregulated physically and emotionally. It's a time of transition, so have realistic expectations. Be gentle, caring, and connected, not an inquisitor. Connection is key.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

It's smart to avoid giving unsolicited advice. If you receive it, hold your ground, knowing that you're dedicated to upholding the CRAFT model. Consider telling the advice-giver to look into CRAFT to understand what you're doing.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Guest Meme English, a former family therapist and consultant in the legal system, discusses family dynamics. When it comes to substance use, family dynamics are complicated. There are many layers of trauma, from generational to personal, and competing needs among family members. Balancing all these factors and personal situations means deciding whose needs get most clearly met. Trauma therapy also requires time and commitment, and is harder to find since the pandemic.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Let's look at shame and negative thinking and discuss how to slow down, gain awareness, and soothe your system. Our hosts focus on the essential tool of empathy -- especially for yourself -- as a way to understand what story you’re making up, and change that story by looking for the positive even in difficult moments.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Dominique shares a family’s question about a loved one who’s addressed the most pressing substance use. Should the family now focus on their loved one’s cannabis use? Our hosts discuss harm reduction and the role of the “functional analysis” in CRAFT to address such questions. The analysis involves reviewing what’s changed, patterns and dynamics, and making sure your own behaviors support reduction of use. These actions are subtle, and their subtlety makes them more effective. Even with multiple substances, they recommend addressing one at a time. The functional analysis should keep happening with different drugs, so that you know which behaviors to reward and which to walk away from. The Allies site includes cannabis resources discussing withdrawal and tolerance, and the more-concentrated form of use called “dabbing."

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Even when love is not conditional, there sometimes must be conditions regarding people’s behavior. Love in romantic relationships may change if you break up, but with family members, conditionality applies to behavior, not love. What we as family members can modify is how we react and our expectations. Conditionality goes back to boundary issues – there are edges someone comes to where they must stop what they’re doing. It’s important to note that wishing someone would go away is a normal, protective reaction to difficult feelings.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

What do you do in those difficult moments when you feel ramped-up? Laurie and Kayla discuss strategies to back away and not go with the emotion of the moment.

The support group that Kayla facilitates is now offered on a sliding scale.

(Cost should not be a barrier—please reach out if you're interested)

Allies in Recovery's member site is currently "on pause". ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Learn more here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

During this time, we have taken our entire eLearning program out from behind the paywall—the entire library of learning videos is currently available on our ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube channel⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.