Confidence

I’ve been feeling really good lately, and it’s funny how when you stop forcing your dating life, things really do come so naturally (let me explain). Speaking of which, I went on a first date. I share how we got there, from running into her at an event to patting my armpits with a napkin before she showed up. I also talk about awkwardly approaching my gym crush. Then I answer a listener’s situation: the first date went really well, and then came the distance. So what’s the difference between a genuine connection and a moment?

If you're ever considering coaching, apply here: ⁠https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application⁠

Chapters:

00:00 Overcoming Overwhelm & Having Fun Again

20:04 Building Up to The First Date

30:17 The First Date

40:34 First Date Went Well & Then Distance

You might think this podcast is just for the girls, it's not. I get into two stories from close friends of mine. I randomly bumped into them at a coffee shop and told them to ask me a question about their current dating lives. The first is a recovering people pleaser going through a divorce and figuring out how to grieve the life she thought she would have had, and the other is an avoidant who can't figure out why she's so confused about the guy who is actually consistent. I then touch on why dating is so different now, and a little story about my dad, my grandfather, and breaking generational trauma.

If you're ever considering coaching, apply here: ⁠https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application⁠

Chapters:

00:00 Intro

02:41 Grieving the Picture of the Life You Wanted (Divorced & Anxious)

26:00 Why It Feels Off When They Are Showing Up Consistent

46:00 Single & Thriving

54:11 What's Changed In Dating

57:39 Dad Wasn't There But It Didn't Mean He Didn't Care

How many relationships have you spent walking on eggshells? How many relationships has your partner felt that way? I live-coach a listener two months in with a guy who’s all in. She’s met his family. Then she sees a picture of his ex at his parents’ house, and all hell breaks loose. To be honest, I relate: I couldn't maintain a relationship because I was too reactive. I wish someone had given me the guidance I give you today. I also talk about being nonchalant after too many failed talking stages, and being happy but still craving a relationship.

If you're ever considering coaching, apply here: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

02:03 Listener Situation: Fear of Him Getting Back With His Ex

33:55 Failed Talking Stages But Wanting a Relationship

Are you dating, or are you collecting proof that somebody wants you? This week I'll tackle two questions. The first is about how to not get too attached in the talking stage, and what to do if you keep getting ghosted after good dates. Before I get to those, I share some wicked perspectives on reality and how I cut off my own validation: no story views, no likes, no casual dating, no DMing. It's pretty wild that right now I don't have a single person I'm interested in. I might have ADHD, but I don't believe in it, and that's a good way to describe this episode.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 Moody In a Transition

02:04 Arguing About Purpose At A Dinner Table

18:16 Cutting Off The Validation

27:58 I Sat In Stillness

35:15 Talking Stage Without Getting Attached

50:36 Ghosted Even When The Date Was Good

Boundaries Workshop Sign-Up: https://app.confidencechris.com/boundaries-pop-up-sign-up

I found the secret to getting back into your good energy. It's actually really simple, yet so insidiously hard. Did you know that you are one direct communication away from freedom? Let's talk about it. I'll dissect three situations from people who are all post-relationship and all doing the same thing: trying to think their way out of a feeling. One of them wanted me to confirm that a guy's behavior was weird, but what she actually needed was to feel the disappointment and let go of solving it. Maybe your spark is on the other side of letting go of what isn't for you.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 Free Boundaries Workshop

01:22 Getting Your Spark Back

19:41 Her First Date, Then He Unfollowed Her

33:12 Trying to Change Someone Who Won't Change

46:07 If the Shower Is Cold, Someone Else Is Using the Water

You're not missing them, you're missing a feeling. Let me explain. But first, I share a triggering message I received from a friend pointed at my avoidance. I'll give you an alternate perspective on how to handle harsh energy from those closest to you, while weaving in emotional wounds from how I grew up, and the layer of distance every girl I've dated has felt with me. I also cleared the decks again in my dating life, and I'll explain why easy and light still counts as saying no to yourself. Then two situations: a guy strategizing his final text, and a woman waiting on her gym crush to make a move (and my opinionated thoughts on women making the first move in general).

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 You're Missing a Feeling, Not a Person

11:12 Putting All Your Peace in One Person

17:29 Why I Cleared the Decks Again

23:54 How My Avoidance Affects Others

39:25 He Badly Wants Her Back

54:49 Girls Shooting Their Shot First

Stop playing footsies with people who will never give you what you want. This episode is about getting deeper with yourself and your reactions. Many people feel stuck in relationships where they are frustrated, angry, and misunderstood. I'll give a personal example of how I recently got triggered when a friend showed up late, leading to verbal jabs and mental disconnection. I’ll break down how anger is usually a surface mask for underlying fear and why being "present" is the hardest work you'll do. I'll discuss the power of taking action on your truth, and how that action precedes the clarity you want. I also answer why guys go cold after sex and how to stop being indirect with your goals.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 Action Precedes Clarity

17:13 Being Indirect About What You Want

52:15 Why Guys Go Cold After Sex

This week came out of nowhere. I feel like I got sucker-punched with some difficult feelings and some hard truths. This week's title is seeking heartbreak, which is something I told myself I wanted to do. I've been sick of running away from what I desire, but what's funny is that I asked, and I received just as quickly. I also made a major realization about how deep my avoidance runs. I've been so focused on not acting from fear that I closed off the possibility that people might actually just love me (mind-blowing to me). I get into why you can't separate love from fear, and how our desires inherently bring anxiety. I will also tackle how to handle someone being unresponsive. This episode is your push to say what you need to say, then let the rest go.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Do they ever come back? It's time to end the debate once and for all. I'll also talk about why you want them back in the first place (trigger warning). Before we get there, I reflect on my recent fuck it attitude I have gotten for life lately. I get into the way we all communicate indirectly: the jabs you call jokes, the "I just miss the friendship" story your brain feeds you, and them going cold on you. I finish off with what to do when you're happy being single, but also want a relationship. I will tell you why it's hard for you to attract genuine love into your life when you're obsessed with solitude.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 Being Direct About Your Feelings

27:00 Will They Come Back and Regret Leaving?

44:07 Balancing Wanting a Relationship while Loving Being Single

When someone doesn't choose you, is it really about you? Let me tell you why it's not personal. Before I get into that, I pour my little heart out about feeling a little run down. I'll reflect on how tough it is to say no in the moment and how your exhaustion is a signal to recalibrate. Then I answer a question about handling the silent treatment without letting it wreck your confidence, saying a final goodbye, and being so far away from self-trust.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

0:00 Checking In: I'm Run Down

14:14 Life Is Inherently Purposeless

27:19 What If You Didn't Need to Matter?

35:46 Situation: The Silent Treatment

49:39 Value Mindset vs. Alignment Mindset

55:07 Situation: One Last Goodbye

59:20 Situation: I Don't Trust Myself

Most guys have a dream car, I have a dream cat. We are not the same. The cat does happen to be $15,000 though. Yikes, so my friend yelled at me, but then it hit me… You might be wondering what this has to do with a dating podcast episode. Well, because my off-brand desire relates directly to my dating life. No rushing, no settling, no second-guessing. I'll get into how my avoidance used to make me second-guess my choices, and how my relationship wants would get confused for attachment challenges. I'll talk about how to find your truth amidst your attachment patterns, and how both anxious and avoidant people get lost in the fantasy of what could be. Today's episode is about clearing the mist around what exactly needs healing and how to trust your intuition when dealing with inconsistencies from your partner (and I'll use two different situations as an example of that process). Let's do it.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

0:00 Forced to Slow Down & Pickup Videos

9:51 My $15,000 Dream Cat

26:50 Staying Grounded When She Went Quiet

35:14 Living In A Fantasy

46:18 He Disappears For 20 Days

1:00:07 Fear Or Discernment?

This week we are getting into the contrast between anxious and avoidant patterns. I wrote something down that I feel describes the dynamic perfectly. I will discuss my own challenges with avoidance and how I am working towards healing it. I also recap a situation from last week's episode where a listener quickly backed off a relationship. I discuss how to lead with more curiosity and less defensiveness. This is not just about being the bigger person, but becoming so much more.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 Curiosity vs. Assumption

20:08 High Standards or Just Avoidant

30:27 Avoidant vs Anxious Patterns

53:56 "You're Not Anxious, You're Just Dating a Loser"

My boy asked me .. how do you tell the difference between intensity and actual intimacy (especially in a push/pull dynamic where it's hard to tell the difference)? I share my thoughts on what I feel the difference is and how to identify it. But before I get into that, I play a voice note from a girl who is navigating a similar situation about a guy who communicated his lack of certainty to her, and how she feels guilty for ending it so quickly. I'll share an update about my life, on staying away from safe connections, and reflecting on the pattern of dating women who have mostly approached me (and why I think that might not be the way).

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

00:00 My New Approach to Dating

11:03 Voice Note: Dating the Right Person, Cut Him Off, Then Guilt Tripped

38:55 Intensity vs Actual Intimacy

I saw a video this week that said people who lack empathy are garbage, and it triggered me into a rabbit hole about narcissism. This will be confrontational and controversial, but really my goal is to give you an alternate perspective on how this is defined in our culture and the dynamics that are created by both partners. I get into why the person giving and giving is also being selfish, and how/why your resentment is an indicator. I walk through a listener situation where the guy starts to distance himself after he gets emotionally vulnerable. I'll give you my take on why this happens and how to let go when it does. Remember, empathy is not responsibility.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

0:00 Narcissists vs Victims

34:07 When Empathy Goes Too Far

37:47 Handling Resentment

45:44 Angry When Someone Stops Choosing You

52:29 Listener's Situation: Distance After Getting Too Close

Isn’t it crazy how those shorter relationships can hit way harder than the longer ones? Today I reflect on this, and what would happen if that person ever came back. I then lean into how my views of compatibility vs. chemistry have shifted, while still battling guilt when I admit and enforce my high standards. I then get into whether I still deal with imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and procrastination. Yes, but no, and I’ll share how to overcome them. I then go in on whether or not you should admit your feelings to your FWB. Is the gateway to peace of mind really blowing shit up?

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

Chapters:

(00:00) Introduction
(04:11) Why Short Relationships Hit So Hard
(34:50) Imposter Syndrome and Self-Sabotage
(53:06) Confessing Your Feelings to Your FWB

If you have anxious attachment, this episode is going to be a gut punch, but a necessary one. The truth is, most people don't have a feeling problem, they have a thinking problem. I'll show you what you can't see about chasing and caring for someone who doesn't seem to show the same energy back. Let's get into it. This week I'm fresh off an emergency landing, and now I'm heading to Cancun for a wedding, but the stove is on hot. I answer two situations from my guys. The first one spent two years chasing a girl who barely gave effort. I'll deep dive his and her final response. I'll walk you through the white t-shirt exercise that shows what's really controlling your dating life. The second situation is about a guy who can't seem to shake the feeling he messed things up. Then a situation about waiting on a partner to step up financially, and why your body already has that answer. I'll teach you how to get out of your head, feel your truth, and own it.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

So I broke my celibacy, and may have pulled my groin in the process. This somehow spun off into an analogy about how I got the ick from cigarettes and letting go of toxic relationships (aka emotional cigarettes), trust me it’s sensational. Then I get into the situation everyone obsesses over: is it insecure to want your partner to unfollow people on social media, or is your gut telling you something real? I break down the difference between soothing your fear through control and what trusting someone actually looks like. I close on whether the real work happens in a relationship or out of one.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

So this was a very unexpected week to say the least. I saw the most attractive girl I've seen in years, didn't shoot my shot, and came home feeling like shit. I'll talk about why and the importance of taking the risk. This then leads into a story about an unexpected new connection that caught me off guard. It's crazy how the smallest moments can shine a light on your internal fears and triggers. I'll share how deep my anxious avoidance still runs: the waiting, the phone checking, and how I soothe myself through it now instead of punishing myself for my fear. I'll also discuss how to navigate judgment from those closest to you, and then I close with a situation about why it's so hard to move on from a relationship that made you miserable.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

This is going to be a Dear Diary episode. A podcast journal of how I am feeling at my core. I've been in a mini funk, but somehow it's also the most peace I've felt in my life in a long time. The duality of it all ... Really what's happening is that I'm emotionally celibate, and that's brought me an enormous amount of clarity, but also this weird blank page feeling. I get honest about feeling lonely (not the desperate kind), being uninspired even though I love my life, and being at the point where I'm established and ready to actually enjoy it with somebody. Then I shift gears to a situation about someone going slow with a girl who isn't offering what they really want, and we get into how easily people back off their truth because they want to be wanted, and how everybody's managing everybody else's expectations, and why most of us don't even see our own inauthenticity.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application

To be real, last week I hadn't been feeling my best. I care about showing up confident (and not looking weak), so I tend to mask those feelings. That's how our conversation starts. I get into detail about why I am the way I am. I'll walk you through how I grew up insecure and rebellious, all the way till now, and why I still deeply crave attention. I then shift gears to a situation sent in by a listener around if cheaters actually change. I will share her story of how she had been living a lie with this man and why many people are attracted to dishonesty. All of this ties back to our own internal beliefs and attachment patterns that shape who we are and how we show up in our lives and relationships today.

Ready to break the pattern, apply to work with me: https://confidencechris.com/mentorship-application