How Not To Suck At Divorce

What can you do when you’re so angry at your ex that you want to scream, send a brutal text, or completely lose your shit?

Give yourself some space before responding. Put your phone down, notice what you’re feeling, and take a few minutes to settle before deciding what actually needs your attention. You can be furious without acting on that anger—and this guided divorce meditation gives you somewhere to start.

In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport walks you through a funny, profanity-filled pause for those moments when your ex has pushed every available button. Think inflammatory co-parenting texts, endless emails about pickup times, and requests for flexibility from someone who refuses to give you any.

There’s no pressure to forgive your ex, thank the universe, or pretend you’re fine. The goal is to feel a little calmer, give yourself room to think, and avoid a reaction you may regret.

This guided meditation helps you practice:

• Taking a break from upsetting texts, emails, and arguments.
• Grounding yourself by noticing your surroundings and physical sensations.
• Recognizing tension in your hands, shoulders, and body.
• Naming the anger, hurt, fear, frustration, or exhaustion you’re feeling.
• Identifying the concern underneath your reaction, including parenting, money, or feeling disrespected.
• Considering whether a message needs a response and whether anything is genuinely urgent.
• Choosing your next step before reentering a difficult conversation.

Whether you’re navigating a high-conflict divorce, dealing with co-parenting stress, or having a Target parking lot meltdown, save this episode for the next time you need a pause.

Listen somewhere you can safely take a break. If you’re driving, keep your attention on the road and wait until you’re safely parked before closing your eyes or following the exercises.

Divorce Resources & Support

Guided Divorce Meditations

Want more support for the difficult moments? Explore our guided meditation library, delivered through a private podcast feed so you can listen in your preferred podcast app.

Explore the guided meditations

Divorce Crash Course

Our private podcast and guidebook help you understand the divorce process, prepare questions, and make more informed decisions. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

Get the Divorce Crash Course

Free Pre-Divorce Checklist

Organize your thoughts, review your financial picture, and prepare questions for an attorney—even if you haven’t decided to file.

Get the free checklist through our website

Free Private Facebook Community

Connect with other people navigating divorce and co-parenting. You don’t have to figure everything out alone.

Join our private community

OurFamilyWizard: 20% Off Your First Year

Explore tools for organizing co-parenting communication, schedules, and shared expenses.

Learn more about OurFamilyWizard

Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce so the next episode is waiting for you. Share this meditation with someone who needs a breather, and leave a rating and review if the show has helped you.

You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.

This meditation offers general support and does not replace individualized mental health care or legal advice.

Get informed before your next divorce decision. Our Divorce Crash Course combines a private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the process, prepare, and avoid expensive mistakes. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

Get the Divorce Crash Course

You know what you’re angry about. But do you know what you actually want from your divorce—and what it could cost to get it?

In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill shares three practical divorce tips inspired by issues she’s seeing in her cases. With Andrea Rappaport mostly sidelined by illness—but still finding a way to unmute—Morgan explains how to set useful divorce goals, prepare for financial discovery, and evaluate a proposed divorce settlement without letting frustration drive every decision.

From demanding the house when your real priority is keeping your children in their school district to spending $30,000 in legal fees fighting over a $10,000 difference, this episode helps you think through what you’re pursuing, why it matters, and whether the fight serves your goals.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to distinguish your underlying divorce goals from a particular demand.
• Why ranking your priorities can help you evaluate compromises during settlement negotiations.
• How clear goals help your divorce attorney focus their time.
• What to review in bank statements, tax returns, credit card statements, and business records before providing them through discovery.
• Why unexpected financial details deserve a conversation with your attorney—and why full disclosure still matters.
• How financial disclosures can have consequences you should discuss before documents are exchanged.
• What to ask your attorney about whether your proposed settlement is realistic.
• Why honest pushback from your lawyer doesn’t automatically mean they aren’t advocating for you.
• How to weigh potential legal fees against what you might gain by continuing a dispute.

Your three action steps

• Write down and rank your goals. Identify what matters most, then revisit that list when new issues or strong emotions arise.
• Read your financial documents. Flag surprises and questions for your attorney so you can prepare while meeting your disclosure obligations.
• Bring your settlement ideas—and listen to the feedback. Ask what’s realistic, why, and what pursuing each issue could cost.

Free pre-divorce checklist

Thinking about divorce or trying to organize your next steps? Our free printable checklist helps you review your financial picture, organize your concerns, and prepare questions for an attorney.

Get the free pre-divorce checklist through our website

More resources and support

Join our free private Facebook community

Connect with other people navigating divorce, ask questions, and find support on the difficult days.

Guided Divorce Meditations

Take a moment to breathe and regroup when divorce stress and anxiety feel overwhelming.

How to Hire an Attorney Guide

Prepare for consultations and make a more informed choice about your legal representation.

OurFamilyWizard: Get 20% off your first year

Explore tools for organizing co-parenting communication, schedules, and shared expenses.

Explore our podcast playlists

Find more episodes organized around the divorce questions you need answered.

Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce so you don’t miss the next episode. If this conversation helped you, leave a rating and review and share it with someone who needs it.

Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.

This episode provides general information and does not replace legal advice about your individual circumstances.

Mentioned in this episode:

Our Family Wizard

How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family.

Our Family Wizard

Get informed before you make your next divorce decision. Our Divorce Crash Course combines a private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the process and prepare. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

Get the Divorce Crash Course

You’ve thought about divorce. Maybe you’ve Googled it, threatened it, or whispered it to your best friend. But how do you know if you’re ready for a divorce—or exhausted and desperate for something to change?

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill and comedian and divorced mom Andrea Rappaport break down what to do before filing for divorce. From recognizing patterns in your marriage to understanding your finances and getting answers about child custody, this conversation gives you practical steps to take while you’re still deciding.

There’s no quiz, magic number, or checklist that can decide whether you should end your marriage. But you can get clearer about what’s happening, gather information, and build a support team before making your next move.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Wanting to leave your marriage versus wanting your marriage to change.
• Writing down recurring problems—and positive moments—to see the bigger picture.
• How a therapist can support you through the decision-making process.
• What to understand about income, debt, household expenses, and housing before divorce.
• Why fear about custody and parenting time can lead to decisions you later regret.
• Morgan’s “Chad and Brenda” example: why hiding the children’s passports is a moment to pause and call your attorney.
• Why a divorce attorney consultation doesn’t commit you to filing.
• Comparing attorneys before paying a retainer.
• Turning to professionals for guidance and friends and family for support.

Get your free pre-divorce checklist

Need somewhere to start? Our printable checklist helps you organize your thoughts, review your financial picture, and prepare questions for an attorney—even if you haven’t decided to leave.

Get the free checklist on our website

Resources and support

How to Hire an Attorney Guide

Prepare for consultations and make a more informed decision about who represents you.

Guided Divorce Meditations

Give yourself a moment to breathe when divorce anxiety and overwhelm take over.

Join our free private Facebook community

Connect with other people navigating separation, divorce, and co-parenting.

Explore our podcast playlists

Find episodes organized around the divorce questions you need answered.

OurFamilyWizard: Get 20% off

Explore tools for organizing co-parenting communication, schedules, and shared expenses.

If this episode helped you, share it with someone who’s quietly asking the same questions—and leave us a rating and review so more people can find the show.

Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.

This episode provides general information and does not replace advice from an attorney about your circumstances.

Mentioned in this episode:

Our Family Wizard

How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family.

Our Family Wizard

Get prepared with our Divorce Crash Course. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. Get the private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the process, ask better questions, and avoid expensive mistakes.

Your divorce can be moving slowly while you’re making real progress.

Did you open the email you’ve been avoiding? Gather the financial paperwork? Pause before responding to a message that made you furious? Those small wins deserve credit—even if your divorce is nowhere near finished.

In this solo mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport talks about recognizing progress during divorce without waiting for the final signature. From managing divorce overwhelm to rebuilding confidence and giving your children undivided attention, Andrea shares the everyday accomplishments that are easy to overlook when you’re focused on getting through the process.

We also talk about recovering from mistakes, letting a difficult morning be just a difficult morning, and celebrating something you did well before immediately raising the bar. You don’t need to turn every accomplishment into another expectation.

If you feel stuck, exhausted, or like you’re not doing enough, this episode offers a simple way to notice what you’re handling—and give yourself a little recognition along the way.

In this episode:

• Why finalizing your divorce shouldn’t be your only measure of progress.
• Practical wins, from organizing documents to asking your attorney an uncomfortable question.
• Emotional wins, including pausing before responding and recognizing a mistake.
• Parenting during divorce and making room for meaningful moments with your kids.
• Giving yourself credit without demanding more from yourself tomorrow.
• Why one bad moment doesn’t have to define the entire day.
• Keeping a record of your progress to revisit when you’re feeling discouraged.
• Sharing your accomplishments and letting yourself accept encouragement.

Your action steps

Start a “Things That Didn’t Suck” note.

Use your phone’s notes app to keep a running list of things you’re proud of. Include the paperwork, the hard conversations, the moments of patience, and the times you were kind to yourself.

Tell someone about a win.

You can say, “This might sound small, but it was hard for me, and I did it.” Give yourself permission to receive support and recognition.

Celebrate before raising the bar.

Take a moment to acknowledge what you accomplished. A small win doesn’t need to become a bigger assignment.

Leave room for hard days.

You don’t have to add something to your list every day. Return to it when you can, and use it as a reminder of the progress you’ve already made.

Resources and support

Join our private Facebook community

Share your small wins, connect with people navigating divorce and coparenting, and find encouragement along the way.

Guided Meditations for Divorce

Take a moment to pause, breathe, and regroup when divorce feels overwhelming.

Divorce Crash Course

Prepare for your next steps with our private podcast and guidebook. Available now for $50, typically $150, thanks to OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

OurFamilyWizard — 20% off your first year

Explore tools for organizing coparenting communication, schedules, and expenses.

Explore our divorce podcast playlists

Find episodes organized around the issues you’re facing before, during, and after divorce.

Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce, leave a rating or review, and send this episode to someone who needs a reminder that their effort counts.

Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You don’t have to wait until it’s over to recognize how far you’ve come.

You have got this. And we’ve got you.

Mentioned in this episode:

Our Family Wizard

How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family.

Our Family Wizard

Get prepared with our Divorce Crash Course. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. Get the private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the divorce process, ask better questions, and avoid expensive mistakes.

You’ve been out of the workforce raising your family. Now you’re getting divorced, you’re worried about money, and everyone has an opinion about when you should get a job.

Will going back to work affect your spousal support? What if childcare costs more than you’d earn? And who pays for the training, résumé help, and work clothes you need before your first paycheck?

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill welcome Alan Feigenbaum, a matrimonial and family law partner at Blank Rome in New York City, to discuss returning to work during divorce.

Alan and Morgan explain how they evaluate work history, earning potential, caregiving responsibilities, and financial needs. They challenge the blanket advice that staying unemployed will protect your support—and discuss why accepting a job deserves a closer look than simply asking whether your support payment could decrease.

We also get into the overlooked costs of reentering the workforce, what to bring your attorney before accepting an offer, and how imputed income, vocational evaluations, and job-search records can enter the conversation. Alan shares his experience representing stay-at-home dads, including the different reactions he has encountered in court.

Expect practical next steps, a few unpopular opinions, and a very questionable conversation about what happens when a gnat lands in your coffee.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Returning to work during divorce after years as a stay-at-home parent.
• How employment income may affect alimony or spousal support.
• Why your former salary may not reflect your current earning potential.
• Evaluating childcare costs, your children’s needs, and part-time options.
• Budgeting for certifications, education, résumé services, interview coaching, work clothes, and networking.
• Reviewing a job offer’s salary, bonuses, benefits, and stock options with your attorney.
• What imputed income means and why a court may examine someone’s ability to earn.
• Job-search diaries and vocational experts.
• Stay-at-home moms, stay-at-home dads, and the stereotypes that can surface during divorce.
• Rebuilding financial independence and an identity beyond the divorce process.

Three action steps to take from this episode

1. Learn what your options actually are.

Explore realistic jobs, pay ranges, schedules, and any training you would need. You can gather information without committing to a particular path.

2. Bring your attorney an itemized budget.

List the costs associated with returning to work and gather estimates to support them. Give your lawyer specifics to evaluate rather than one unexplained total.

3. Ask your lawyer to run the numbers.

Discuss how different income scenarios could affect support and your overall finances. If you have an offer, share the full compensation package—not just the salary.

Episode timestamps

00:00 — Getting divorced and realizing you may need a job.

01:37 — The gnat-in-the-coffee debate.

03:24 — Community updates: Who is Brenda’s new boyfriend?

05:17 — Meet family-law attorney Alan Feigenbaum.

05:47 — “I’ve been home with the kids. Do I have to go back to work?”

07:36 — Why an old salary doesn’t guarantee today’s earning potential.

09:06 — Will getting a job affect spousal support?

12:39 — What if you haven’t made efforts to return to work?

14:45 — Training, credentials, and the costs of getting started.

17:25 — Build an itemized return-to-work budget.

18:49 — Childcare costs and part-time work: a case example.

24:27 — Challenging assumptions about stay-at-home parents.

26:26 — A client weighs a job offer against support concerns.

28:31 — What your lawyer needs to know about a job offer.

29:36 — Stay-at-home dads and courtroom expectations.

31:28 — Imputed income, job-search diaries, and vocational experts.

33:18 — Rapid-fire questions: overlooked expenses and common mistakes.

38:16 — Action steps for evaluating your return to work.

41:25 — Using AI without letting it send you into a spiral.

42:08 — Feeling overwhelmed and hopeful at the same time.

About our guest

Alan Feigenbaum is a partner in the matrimonial and family law practice at Blank Rome in New York City. He helps clients navigate complex financial and custody disputes, with attention to their long-term financial and family needs. He is a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and a regular contributor to the New York Law Journal.

Learn more about Alan and his work at Blank Rome.

Resources and support

Join our private Facebook community

Connect with other people navigating divorce and coparenting, share experiences, and join the conversation.

Guided Meditations for Divorce

Take a moment to pause, breathe, and regroup when divorce feels overwhelming.

Divorce Crash Course

Our private podcast and guidebook help you prepare for the process. Available now for $50, typically $150, thanks to OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

OurFamilyWizard — 20% off your first year

Explore tools for organizing coparenting communication, schedules, and expenses.

Explore our divorce podcast playlists

Find episodes organized around the issues you’re facing before, during, and after divorce.

Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce, leave a rating or review, and share this episode with someone worried about returning to work during divorce.

This episode provides general information, not legal advice. Employment and support decisions depend on your circumstances and the law in your jurisdiction. Discuss your options with your own attorney.

You have got this. And we’ve got you.

Get prepared with our Divorce Crash Course. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. This private podcast and guidebook help you understand the divorce process, ask better questions, and avoid expensive mistakes.

Can life actually get better after divorce? When you’re exhausted, worried about your kids, and trying to figure out how to support yourself, that can feel impossible to imagine.

In this solo mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport shares three unexpected ways divorce changed her life: greater confidence, a deeper relationship with her children, and the discovery that she could build a business and earn more than she once thought possible.

Andrea talks honestly about early coparenting mistakes, the memories her boys still cherish from “mommy’s apartment,” and how facing intimidating situations helped her learn to speak up in business and relationships. She also shares a fourth, deeply personal change: realizing she deserved to be loved.

This is one woman’s experience rebuilding after divorce—not a promise that the process will be easy or that everyone’s journey will look the same. If you’re wondering whether you’ll ever recognize yourself again, this conversation offers perspective, encouragement, and a reminder that the hardest chapter doesn’t have to be the last one.

In this episode:

• How navigating divorce helped Andrea become more confident and advocate for herself.
• Why disagreements feel different after surviving something she once thought she couldn’t handle.
• How acknowledging parenting mistakes opened the door to more honest conversations with her children.
• The kitchen dance parties and small moments her boys remember from life after separation.
• What Andrea discovered about her earning potential and ability to build a business.
• Rebuilding self-worth and recognizing that she deserved a healthier relationship.
• Finding support and moments of humor while recovering from divorce.

Need support through divorce? Start here.

Join our private Facebook community

Connect with other people navigating divorce and coparenting. Ask questions, share your experiences, and find support from people who understand.

Guided Meditations for Divorce

Give yourself a moment to pause, breathe, and regroup when divorce anxiety or overwhelm takes over.

Divorce Crash Course

Prepare for what comes next with our private podcast and guidebook. Available now for $50, typically $150, thanks to OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

OurFamilyWizard — 20% off your first year

Explore tools for organizing coparenting communication, schedules, and expenses.

Explore our divorce podcast playlists

Find conversations about the issues you’re facing before, during, and after divorce.

Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce, leave a rating or review, and share this episode with someone who needs a little hope about life after divorce. Visit our website for more resources and links to our social channels.

Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. Some days you’re moving forward. Some days you’re just keeping your head above water. You deserve support through both.

You have got this. And we, my friends, have got you.

Thinking about divorce? Get prepared with our Divorce Crash Course. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. Get the private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the process, ask better questions, and avoid expensive mistakes.

You’ve done the therapy. You’ve hired a lawyer. You finally say, “I want a divorce.” Suddenly, the spouse who has spent months telling you they’re unhappy wants to stay together, try counseling, or live as roommates until the kids turn 18.

Are you allowed to still feel done when they’ve decided they’re not?

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, comedian and marketing professional Andrea Rappaport and family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill answer a listener’s question about a spouse who reverses course on divorce—and leaves them feeling guilty, confused, and stuck in limbo.

We discuss how to separate emotional pressure from decisions about your divorce case, what to tell your attorney when your spouse suddenly wants to reconcile, and why promises to change deserve a closer look. Sometimes a wake-up call leads to real effort. Sometimes it buys more time. The question is what’s happening in your marriage—and what you want to do next.

We also explore discernment counseling, setting boundaries around repeated arguments, and the pressure to “stay together for the kids.” Turning 18 doesn’t make children immune to the effects of divorce, and choosing your next step deserves guidance specific to your family.

And because this is our show, we finish with an imaginary Starbucks partnership, emergency divorce support delivered by helicopter, and a DM that absolutely should have stayed in drafts.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What happens when you want a divorce and your spouse suddenly wants to stay married.
• How a spouse’s reversal can leave you questioning a decision you worked hard to make.
• What to discuss with your lawyer before pausing or withdrawing divorce proceedings.
• How discernment counseling differs from couples therapy.
• Looking at actions alongside promises when considering reconciliation.
• Setting boundaries when your spouse keeps debating your reasons for leaving.
• Using brief, informative, friendly, and firm communication.
• Why “wait until the kids are 18” deserves more than an automatic yes.
• Getting individual support while deciding whether to stay or go.

Episode timestamps

00:00 — You want a divorce. Suddenly, your spouse doesn’t.

01:18 — The listener’s story: “Let’s stay roommates until the kids are grown.”

02:39 — Emotional whiplash, manipulation, and feeling stuck.

05:19 — Should you keep explaining why you want to leave?

09:44 — What to tell your attorney when your spouse reverses course.

11:01 — Discernment counseling versus couples therapy.

12:19 — A genuine wake-up call—or more time to prepare?

16:21 — Stop putting your marriage on trial every night.

17:25 — Setting boundaries and keeping conflict away from the kids.

18:52 — Should you stay married until your children turn 18?

23:34 — Andrea’s experience leaving with young children.

25:59 — Planning next steps while you’re still under the same roof.

28:58 — The weekend DM we were not prepared for.

32:15 — Getting support before you move forward.

Resources to help you take the next step

Divorce Crash Course

Our private podcast and guidebook help you prepare for divorce and make more informed decisions. $50, typically $150, thanks to OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

Guided Meditations for Divorce

When your thoughts won’t slow down, take a moment to pause, breathe, and regroup before your next difficult conversation.

OurFamilyWizard: 20% Off Your First Year

Explore tools for organizing coparenting communication, schedules, and expenses. Use our link for 20% off your first year.

Divorce Podcast Playlists

Find episodes grouped by the issues you’re navigating, so you can get to the conversations you need.

Join our private community

Visit How Not to Suck at Divorce for information about our private Facebook community and additional resources.

If this episode helped you feel less alone, follow the show, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone who needs it. Have a question you’d like us to cover? Send it our way. Please keep your shirt on.

This episode provides general information, not legal or mental-health advice. Consult your own attorney and licensed mental-health professional about your circumstances.

You have got this. And we’ve got you.

Mentioned in this episode:

Our Family Wizard

How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family.

Our Family Wizard

Get the Divorce Crash Course for $50

Get practical divorce guidance with our private podcast and companion guidebook. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

Your spouse is stalling. Your lawyer isn’t calling back. And you’re worried those angry texts might come back to haunt you. What now?

In this listener Q&A episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family-law attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian Andrea Rappaport answer questions from our private community about divorce delays, coparenting communication, attorney responsiveness, and telling children about divorce after infidelity.

We discuss what to do when your spouse won’t move forward—whether you’re still deciding how to leave or already navigating the divorce process. Morgan explains how attorney-guided discovery, court deadlines, and trial scheduling may help move a stalled case forward, along with the risks you need to understand before taking that step.

We also address a question many listeners quietly worry about: What if I sent the angry texts before I knew better? Taking responsibility and showing consistent improvement can matter. It doesn’t erase past behavior, but it gives you a path toward better communication.

Then we tackle the frustration of waiting weeks for your divorce lawyer to respond, when to discuss expectations, and when a second opinion may be worth considering. Finally, we talk about infidelity, protecting children from adult conflict, and getting support for difficult questions about why the marriage is ending.

Plus: meet Victoria, our newest fictional character, and hear why Morgan’s influencer-inspired hair rollers were almost grounds for divorce.

In this episode:

• What to do when your spouse is delaying divorce.
• How legal deadlines may help move negotiations forward.
• Why scheduling a trial doesn’t guarantee a settlement—or mean a trial is inevitable.
• How to address past angry texts and improve coparenting communication.
• What to ask when your divorce attorney takes weeks to respond.
• When to consider a second legal opinion.
• Why children shouldn’t become the audience for your pain over an affair.
• Where to find support for age-appropriate divorce conversations.

Episode timestamps

01:25 — My spouse is stalling. How do I regain some control?

03:26 — What if we’ve already filed for divorce?

08:45 — Can my past angry texts hurt my divorce case?

15:28 — OurFamilyWizard: 20% off your first year.

15:55 — My lawyer takes weeks to respond. Should I get a second opinion?

21:45 — Introducing Victoria.

23:30 — Should I tell the kids we’re divorcing because of infidelity?

29:30 — Hair rollers, Amazon dupes, and the burnt-orange joggers.

Save 20% on your first year of OurFamilyWizard

Explore tools to help organize coparenting communication and discuss whether OurFamilyWizard is right for your family with your attorney.

https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20

Need a moment to calm your mind?

Our divorce guided meditations offer a place to pause when the waiting, conflict, and uncertainty feel overwhelming.

https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/guides/p/divorce-guided-meditations

Find episodes for what you’re dealing with

Explore our topic playlists, including episodes about infidelity, and visit our website for guides and divorce resources.

https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/podcast-playlists

Keep the conversation going

Join our private Facebook community through our website to ask questions and connect with other people navigating divorce.

https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/

Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce and leave a rating or review to help more people find the show.

This episode provides general information, not legal advice. Legal options and outcomes depend on your circumstances and jurisdiction. Consult your own attorney about your situation.

Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You’ve got this—and we’ve got you.

Going through divorce? Get the Divorce Crash Course before you make an expensive mistake.

Our Divorce Crash Course includes a private podcast and printable workbook with parenting agreement guidance, questions to ask your attorney, and communication templates to help you get organized. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

Get the Divorce Crash Course

Your co-parent did something that pissed you off. Does your attorney need to hear about it?

The kids come home in clothes that stopped fitting three years ago. Your ex introduces a new partner without following the parenting agreement. Someone buys concert tickets on your parenting night—and tells your child before asking you. Meanwhile, you’re finding out about school issues after everybody else.

When you’re navigating a high-conflict divorce or custody dispute, it can be hard to tell the difference between an irritating interaction and a concern that deserves professional attention. Ignoring everything doesn’t feel right. Paying your attorney to address every problem gets expensive. So how do you decide?

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport welcomes back Atlanta family law attorney, former judge, and guardian ad litem Dan Bloom to work through real co-parenting scenarios. Dan keeps returning to one question: How is this affecting your child?

Andrea and Dan explore why context matters, how to recognize patterns, and how to raise concerns with your attorney or guardian ad litem without turning every email into a custody battle. They also discuss why asking children to keep secrets between households changes the conversation—and how to respond when your child shares something uncomfortable.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to assess co-parenting conflict by its effect on your child.
• When clothing disputes become more than an argument about missing outfits.
• What to consider when an ex introduces a new partner outside the parenting agreement.
• How to support a child who has been told to keep a secret from you.
• How to handle activities scheduled during your parenting time.
• Why repeated exclusion from teacher emails and school information deserves attention.
• How to document concerns without spending every day reliving them.
• Why Dan generally recommends checking with your attorney before raising an issue with a GAL.
• How to ask for help in a way that focuses on your child and a workable solution.

What matters to your child may be different from what bothers you.

A missing shirt may not affect your child’s day. A missing comfort item that helps them sleep might. An inaccurate comment to a friend may be frustrating; misleading a teacher about the other parent’s involvement can have different consequences. Dan explains why the details matter more than assigning every incident the same level of urgency.

The conversation also tackles the emotional trap of trying to get your ex to admit you’re right. You may never receive that apology or satisfying final email. The more useful goal is protecting your child from the conflict, recognizing concerns that need attention, and choosing a response that serves your family.

Connect with Dan Bloom

Dan consults on high-conflict custody matters in Georgia and throughout the country. If you need help thinking through difficult co-parenting situations or preparing to communicate with a GAL, reach out to ask whether his consulting services are a fit.

Learn more about Dan Bloom

Contact Dan’s firm

Keep co-parenting communication in one place with OurFamilyWizard.

Andrea discusses how OurFamilyWizard can help keep messages organized and available for later review. The episode also covers using its tone tools to reconsider a message before frustration takes over the conversation.

Explore OurFamilyWizard

Before you send the angry message, give yourself a few minutes.

Our Guided Divorce Meditations include 11 short meditations created for difficult divorce moments, including worry about your kids, parenting exchanges, loneliness, and frustration with the process. Listen privately through your favorite podcast app when you need support before deciding what to do next.

Get the Guided Divorce Meditations

Subscribe to How Not to Suck at Divorce, share this episode with someone navigating a difficult co-parenting relationship, and leave us a review.

You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.

Going through divorce? Start with the Divorce Crash Course.

Before you agree to a parenting schedule, make sure you understand what you’re agreeing to. Our Divorce Crash Course includes a private podcast and printable workbook with parenting agreement guidance, questions to ask your attorney, and email templates to help you communicate more efficiently. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

Get the Divorce Crash Course

“We’ll alternate holidays.” Great. What does that actually mean?

Who gets Halloween? Does Thanksgiving parenting time include enough days to travel to see family? What happens when your child’s birthday falls on your ex’s day—and the two-hour visit you negotiated makes everyone miserable?

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill tackle holiday parenting schedules, co-parenting conflict, and the emotional reality of spending holidays without your kids. Both hosts arrive tired and cranky, which means the advice is practical, the opinions are strong, and nobody is pretending this is easy.

Andrea shares the holiday travel detail she missed in her own parenting agreement, along with what she learned from her first Thanksgiving away from her children. Morgan explains why family traditions, realistic exchange times, and your children’s changing needs deserve attention before you finalize a holiday schedule. They also discuss the potential benefits—and complications—of including an option to review parenting arrangements through mediation.

The conversation gets into the details that can make holidays harder than they need to be: splitting trick-or-treating between households, calling in the middle of a family celebration, and making children feel responsible for a parent’s loneliness. You’re allowed to miss your kids. The challenge is finding support for those feelings while giving your children room to enjoy their time with their other parent.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What to consider before agreeing to alternate holidays after divorce.
• Why out-of-state family visits may require more than one day of parenting time.
• How to identify the traditions that matter most to each household.
• Why a parenting schedule for toddlers may need a fresh look as children grow.
• The benefits and risks of future mediation or schedule-review provisions.
• Halloween, birthdays, and the pressure of switching households during a celebration.
• How to plan a brief, reassuring holiday check-in without grilling your kids.
• Creating something to look forward to together—even when you don’t have the actual holiday.

You don’t need an expensive trip or elaborate celebration to make meaningful memories. A movie night, favorite snacks, or your own Thanksgiving on Saturday can give you and your kids something to anticipate. The calendar date doesn’t have to carry the entire relationship.

Missing your kids? Start with our Guided Divorce Meditations.

The hours before an exchange—or the quiet after your kids leave—can be some of the hardest. Our 11 short guided divorce meditations were created for moments like missing your children, feeling lonely, worrying about the future, and struggling to sleep. Listen privately through your favorite podcast app when you need a little support getting through the next few minutes.

Get the Guided Divorce Meditations

Keep holiday planning organized with OurFamilyWizard.

When holiday plans involve travel requests, schedule changes, and messages with your co-parent, having a shared place to communicate can help you keep track of the details. Learn more about OurFamilyWizard, a supporter of How Not to Suck at Divorce and an angel underwriter of our Divorce Crash Course. And remember, we are the only podcast that can save you 20% on your first year.

Explore OurFamilyWizard

Subscribe to How Not to Suck at Divorce, share this episode with someone navigating their first holiday season after separation, and leave us a review. You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.

Mentioned in this episode:

Smarter Way to Sell Your Jewelry

After my divorce was finalized, I sold my old engagement ring to a jeweler — and honestly, I was stunned by how little I got for it compared to what it originally cost. If I could do it all over again — which is kind of the theme of this podcast — I would have sold it through Worthy. Worthy is a modern, smarter way to sell your jewelry online. Their process is incredibly easy: they cover shipping and insurance, professionally clean and photograph your jewelry, and have it graded by experts to help maximize its value. What makes Worthy different is that they create a competitive auction environment where buyers bid against each other for your piece — meaning they are motivated to help you get the highest price possible. It’s completely risk-free and honestly something I wish I had known about sooner. Get started today by heading to worthy.com/divorcepod and lock in an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for more than $1,500.

Need help getting through divorce right now?

🎧 Start with our Guided Divorce Meditations

If your nervous system is completely fried, your thoughts are racing, or you feel like your ex has way too much control over your emotional state, start here. Our guided divorce meditations were created specifically for the moments when divorce anxiety feels overwhelming.

💥https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseGet the Divorce Crash Course

If you’re at the beginning of divorce — or you feel completely lost in the process — the Divorce Crash Course gives you the tools, information, checklists and guidance we wish everyone had from day one.

Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters Our Family Wizard and Soberlink.

Our Family Wizard

The co parenting app designed to help you during and after your divorce. Celebrities use it- you should too. And we are the only podcast that can get you 20% off your first year. Click the link above.

Feeling Powerless During Divorce? Start Here.

One of the most brutal parts of divorce is the feeling that someone else suddenly has control over your life.

Your spouse may seem to control the money. The schedule. The kids. The pace of the divorce. Your emotional state. Maybe even whether you have a good day or a completely disastrous one.

But feeling powerless and actually being powerless are not the same thing.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea sits down with former family law attorney and OurFamilyWizard Legal Liaison Nikol Sotos to talk about how to take your power back during divorce — especially when you’re dealing with a controlling or high-conflict ex.

Nikol explains that one of the biggest mistakes people make when they feel overwhelmed is giving away control without even realizing it — sometimes to their ex, and sometimes even to their own attorney. Your lawyer can advise you, protect you and help you make strategic decisions, but this is still your life.

And taking your power back does not mean becoming more aggressive.

It often means doing less.

Stop Reacting to Every Text

If your ex sends an inflammatory message designed to make you explode, the most powerful response may be no response at all — at least not immediately.

Andrea and Nikol talk about moving away from emotional reactions and toward strategic communication. Instead of firing back when your ex sends something infuriating, pause. Let your nervous system settle. Respond only to what actually requires a response.

Sometimes that response is simply:

“Thanks for the text.”

Or:

“Got it.”

Or nothing.

Because when someone is hoping to provoke you, refusing to give them the reaction they expect can change the entire dynamic.

Document Everything — Even If Your Divorce Isn’t High Conflict

Another unpopular opinion from Andrea: documenting is not just for ugly divorces.

Even an amicable divorce can change quickly.

A new partner enters the picture. Someone changes their position. A parenting disagreement escalates. Suddenly a conversation you thought everyone remembered very differently becomes important.

Nikol recommends creating a paper trail regardless of the current conflict level.

Create a separate email account for your divorce. Keep documents organized. Change passwords your spouse may know. Protect your privacy and your digital information.

And please — do not announce to your ex that you are documenting them.

Just document.

Inside the Divorce Crash Course, we also give you a timeline tool to help organize important events and information during your case.

Boundaries Are Not the Same Thing as Control

Creating boundaries during divorce can feel strange, particularly if your lives were completely intertwined for years.

Changing passwords.

Opening your own account.

Creating a separate email.

Deciding when you are available to respond.

Those actions can feel dramatic when you have never needed those boundaries before.

But boundaries are about controlling your own environment, not controlling your ex.

That distinction matters.

Taking your power back does not mean dominating the other person. It means managing what happens inside your own life, your home, your mind and your emotional world.

Make Tiny Changes When Everything Feels Out of Control

Taking back control does not always start with a huge legal decision.

Sometimes it starts absurdly small.

Walk a different route.

Order something different at Starbucks.

Change one part of your morning routine.

Do something that reminds your brain:

I still make choices.

Nikol explains that these small changes can interrupt the feeling that every part of your life is happening to you.

No, switching from half-and-half to almond milk will not change the outcome of your divorce.

But rebuilding your sense of agency in small areas can help you regulate your emotions — which can make it easier to make smarter decisions in the areas that really do matter.

Your Ex’s Emergency Is Not Always Your Emergency

You do not need to immediately answer every message.

You do not need to abandon dinner with your friends because your ex sent 17 texts.

Unless there is an actual emergency involving your children or another urgent situation, you are allowed to take time before responding.

Nikol shares the story of a woman in a long, high-conflict divorce who began feeling dramatically more in control when she finally realized she did not have to react to everything her ex threw at her.

That shift — from reacting to strategizing — is where power starts to return.

In This Episode:

• Why divorce can make even confident people feel powerless
• How fear and uncertainty affect your decision-making
• Why you shouldn’t hand your entire life over to your attorney
• How to stop reacting to inflammatory texts from your ex
• Why silence can sometimes be incredibly powerful
• How to communicate with a controlling or high-conflict ex
• Why documentation matters even in an amicable divorce
• Why you should create a separate email account for your divorce
• Changing passwords and creating digital boundaries
• The difference between setting boundaries and trying to control someone
• How small daily changes can rebuild your sense of control
• Why your ex’s urgency does not automatically become your emergency
• How OurFamilyWizard’s ToneMeter can help keep communication neutral
• How to think more strategically and less emotionally during divorce

Divorce can make you feel like your life is completely out of your hands.

It isn’t.

You may not be able to control what your ex does, what they say, how quickly the process moves or every decision made in your case.

But you can control your responses, your boundaries, your documentation, your communication and the choices you make next.

And sometimes that is exactly how you begin getting your power back.

Divorce comes with a lot of advice. Andrea has some opinions about that advice.

Get the Divorce Crash Course

Get the Guided Divorce Meditations

In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea shares 10 of her most unpopular divorce opinions—the ones that might make your lawyer raise an eyebrow, your mother clutch her pearls, or your group chat light up.

Some of them are practical: you and your spouse should have separate attorneys, even if the divorce is amicable. Some are emotional: losing friends during divorce can be completely normal, and therapy should be treated as an essential part of the process, not an afterthought. And some might be a little more controversial—like the idea that dating during divorce is not automatically a terrible decision, as long as you talk to your attorney first and understand how complicated it can become.

Andrea also tackles one of the hardest parts of co-parenting during divorce: what to do when your ex is behaving badly in front of the kids. Pretending unhealthy behavior is normal can be confusing for children, but criticizing the other parent can pull them directly into the conflict. The goal is to address the behavior without making your child responsible for the adult problem.

And then there’s the survival stuff nobody talks about enough.

Maybe you need to talk to your doctor about medication if your anxiety, sleep, appetite, or ability to function are falling apart. Maybe you desperately need a hobby that has absolutely nothing to do with your divorce. Maybe buying the sweater, getting your nails done, ordering takeout, or replacing your sheets is exactly the small reminder you need that your entire life has not been put on hold.

And yes, Andrea is also making the case for watching more television—especially at night, when divorce anxiety has a way of turning you into a private investigator rereading texts, emails, locations, and Venmo transactions. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is turn off your divorce brain and binge something deeply unserious instead.

Finally, Andrea takes on the marital home. Keeping the house after divorce can feel deeply important, especially when children are involved. But if keeping it leaves you financially stretched, unable to rebuild savings, or constantly afraid of the next major expense, it may not actually be protecting you or your kids. A house is not the only place where you can create safety, stability, and family.

This episode is not a list of rules. It’s permission to question some of the divorce advice we hear over and over again—and to remember that your life does not have to stop while your divorce is happening.

Because divorce is part of your life. It does not get to become your whole life.

In this episode:

• Why Andrea believes divorcing spouses should have separate attorneys
• Why losing—and making—friends during divorce can be completely normal
• Why therapy may be one of the most important forms of divorce support
• How to address unhealthy behavior from an ex without putting kids in the middle
• The pros, cons, and complications of dating during divorce
• Why it may be worth talking to your doctor about mental-health support
• Why hobbies, television, and small treats can actually help you cope
• Why keeping the marital home is not always the best financial or emotional decision

Andrea’s 10 Unpopular Divorce Opinions

1.You and your spouse should not share an attorney.

Even in an amicable divorce, each person should have independent legal advice and someone protecting their individual interests.

2.You may lose friends during divorce — and make new ones.

Divorce changes relationships. Some friendships fade, others deepen, and some may exist only for this particular season of your life.

3.You need a therapist during divorce.

Divorce can trigger anxiety, grief, anger, childhood trauma, and other issues that go far beyond the legal process.

4.If your ex is behaving badly, you can address that behavior with your kids.

The key is talking about unhealthy behavior without criticizing the other parent or pulling your child into the conflict.

5.Dating during divorce is not automatically a bad idea.

Talk to your attorney first, understand the potential complications, and know that dating can be either a welcome distraction or a giant additional headache.

6.You may need medication during divorce.

If anxiety, depression, sleep problems, or stress are interfering with your ability to function, talk to your doctor and therapist rather than ignoring your mental health.

7.You need a hobby during divorce.

Having something in your life that has nothing to do with your case can be incredibly helpful for your mental health.

8.You should still treat yourself.

Within reason, your entire life does not need to stop because you are getting divorced.

9.Watching more TV during divorce may actually help.

Especially at night, distraction can keep you from spiraling, rereading texts, checking accounts, or obsessing over your case.

10.Keeping the marital home is not always the right decision.

If keeping the house leaves you financially strained, walking away from it may ultimately create more stability for you and your children.

email us hello@hownottosuckatdivorce.com

Divorce Crash Course

If you want more help understanding the divorce process, avoiding expensive mistakes, and knowing what to expect before you make major decisions, check out the Divorce Crash Course.

Guided Divorce Meditations

For the moments when you’re about to send the email, respond to your ex, or completely lose your shit, our guided meditations are designed to help you calm your nervous system before you make the situation more expensive.Your divorce lawyer may be expensive — but sometimes the thing making your divorce even more expensive is… you.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea and Morgan break down the habits that can make a divorce case harder, longer, and more expensive, even when you think you’re being helpful. From trying to run your own legal strategy to rewriting documents with AI, over-emailing your attorney, negotiating with your ex without being prepared, and withholding important information, this episode is basically a loving intervention from your divorce lawyer.

Morgan explains why clients sometimes accidentally create more legal work by trying to save money. One major example? Redlining legal documents or using AI to rewrite agreements without understanding whether those changes would actually work in court. That often means your attorney has to undo the work, start over, and spend even more billable time fixing it.

Andrea and Morgan also talk about the emotional reason people do this in the first place: divorce is terrifying. When your children, finances, home, and future are involved, it can feel impossible to hand over control to another person. But that fear can push you into micromanaging your lawyer, chasing answers that don’t exist yet, or relying too heavily on AI for legal strategy.

You’ll also learn a smarter way to communicate with your attorney, including when to pick up the phone instead of sending a novel-length email, how to comment on a legal document without trying to rewrite it yourself, and the exact kind of question to ask when you’re waiting on opposing counsel and starting to panic.

The episode also tackles one of the biggest traps in high-conflict divorce: negotiating directly with your ex when there is a history of control, pressure, or manipulation. Morgan explains when direct negotiation can actually save money — and when it can backfire badly if you go into the conversation without knowing your legal boundaries.

And finally: do not hide things from your lawyer.

Whether it’s a fight, missing money, an agreement you made directly with your ex, or something you’re embarrassed to admit, your attorney cannot protect you from information they do not have. Morgan explains why withholding key facts can seriously damage your case — and in some situations can even lead an attorney to withdraw from representing you.

What You’ll Learn

• Why trying to be your own divorce lawyer can cost you more money
• When AI can help during divorce — and when it absolutely should not
• Why you should not use ChatGPT or Claude as your legal strategist
• How to communicate with your divorce attorney without racking up unnecessary fees
• When to call your lawyer instead of sending a long email
• How to review legal documents without rewriting them yourself
• What to do when opposing counsel is not responding
• How to negotiate with your ex without getting pressured into a bad deal
• Why you need to tell your divorce lawyer the whole truth
• How fear and anxiety can quietly make your divorce more expensive

A Better Way to Follow Up With Your Divorce Lawyer

If you’re waiting for a response from opposing counsel, Andrea and Morgan suggest asking something like:

“It’s been X amount of time since we heard from opposing counsel. What is a realistic timeframe for a response, and if we don’t hear back by then, what would our next step be?”

That gives you information, a timeline, and a plan — without sending your lawyer four emails in one week asking whether they’ve heard anything yet.

Divorce, AI, and Your Legal Strategy

AI can be incredibly useful for organizing information, brainstorming questions, calming yourself down, or helping you prepare for a conversation.

But AI does not know your judge.

It does not know your local court.

It does not understand the history of your case the way your attorney does.

And it may confidently give you an answer that sounds brilliant and is completely wrong for your situation.

Use the robot. Just don’t let the robot run your divorce.

Resources

Divorce Crash Course

If you want more help understanding the divorce process, avoiding expensive mistakes, and knowing what to expect before you make major decisions, check out the Divorce Crash Course.

Guided Divorce Meditations

For the moments when you’re about to send the email, respond to your ex, or completely lose your shit, our guided meditations are designed to help you calm your nervous system before you make the situation more expensive.

Our Family Wizard

Our Family Wizard is the most respected coparenting app and we seriously want you to consider it. and We are the only podcast that can save you 20% off your first year.

Private Community

Join our free private community for support from people who actually understand what this process feels like.

Mentioned in this episode:

Our Family Wizard

How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family.

Our Family Wizard

Going through a high-conflict divorce can make it feel impossible to imagine a life where your phone isn’t constantly lighting up, your nervous system isn’t on high alert, and every day doesn’t bring another crisis. But this episode is proof that there can be an after.

Get the Guided Divorce Meditations to help you through these moments when you feel like you are going to lose your sh$t.

In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea shares the real-life story of a man who spent nine years navigating a brutal high-conflict divorce involving emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, court battles, documentation, and children caught in the middle. Today, his kids are thriving, he has rebuilt his life, and he is in a healthy new marriage.

More importantly, he shared what actually helped him survive.

Andrea breaks down the lessons from his story, including why you have to stop trying to make irrational behavior make sense, how to document your divorce without allowing it to consume your life, and why preparing for conflict is often more useful than desperately trying to prevent it.

They’re also powerful reminders for parents. Your children are watching how you move through difficult situations—not whether you “win” every argument. The way you regulate yourself, build a support system, set boundaries, and respond to chaos teaches them how to survive hard things, too.

And perhaps the biggest lesson: do not wait until your divorce is over to start rebuilding your life.

Create new routines. Make new traditions with your kids. Reconnect with people you love. Find something that belongs only to you. Divorce may be a marathon—but even marathons end.

For people dealing with an extremely difficult former spouse, traditional co-parenting may not always be realistic. Andrea also discusses parallel parenting, business-like communication, boundaries, and reducing opportunities for conflict when cooperative co-parenting simply isn’t possible.

If you are in the stage of divorce where you genuinely cannot picture your life feeling normal again, this episode is for you.

You don't have to believe everything will suddenly become perfect.

You just have to believe that this part will not last forever.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn

• How to stop wasting energy trying to understand a high-conflict ex
• Why you should document everything without living inside the documentation
• How to prepare for a high-conflict “avalanche”
• What your kids learn from watching you navigate divorce
• Why therapy and personal growth can matter more than a courtroom victory
• How to start rebuilding your life before your divorce is officially over
• When parallel parenting may work better than traditional co-parenting
• How boundaries and structured communication can reduce divorce conflict
• Why examining your own patterns can change what happens after divorce

Resources

Divorce Crash Course

If you’re overwhelmed by the divorce process and afraid of making expensive mistakes, our Divorce Crash Course was created to help you understand what’s coming and make smarter decisions along the way.

https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

OurFamilyWizard

Andrea also discusses how structured co-parenting communication can help reduce the feeling that you are constantly being bombarded by your ex, particularly in high-conflict situations.

We are the only podcast that can save you 20% on Our Family Wizard.

www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20

And if this episode helped you, follow How Not to Suck at Divorce so the next episode finds you automatically.

Guided Divorce Meditations

If you’re stuck in a divorce fight that is making you anxious, angry, or completely unable to think clearly, start here.

Our Guided Divorce Meditations are designed for the moments when you need to regulate your nervous system before you respond, negotiate, argue, or make another expensive decision.

Divorce Crash Course

Going through divorce and wondering what you should fight for, what you should let go, and how to avoid making expensive mistakes?

Our Divorce Crash Course is a private podcast and guidebook designed to help you understand the divorce process, make smarter decisions, and avoid costly emotional mistakes.

Typically priced at $150, it’s available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

Episode Show Notes

People spend thousands of dollars fighting over some truly ridiculous things in divorce.

A wooden spoon. A blender. A sixth-grade yearbook. Beanie Babies. Airline miles. Even a tanning bed.

And as funny as those stories sound, there is a very real reason they matter.

Because most of the time, the thing you are fighting over is not actually the thing you are fighting over.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill are joined by attorneys Sarah Jacobs and Jamie Berger of Jacobs Bergerhttps://jacobsberger.com/for a conversation about the emotional and financial cost of digging in during divorce.

One client spent hours in court fighting over a wooden spoon named Willy Woo. Another divorce came down to a battle over a blender. And one case required attorneys to spend days sorting through tubs of Beanie Babies because neither side could let them go.

The stories are absurd.

The behavior behind them is not.

Divorce Can Turn Small Things Into Expensive Battles

When you are going through divorce, emotion can completely distort value.

An object may be worth $100, but suddenly it represents your marriage, your history, your independence, your power, or your need to finally “win.”

That is where people start spending far more in attorney fees than the thing they are fighting over is actually worth.

In the episode, Andrea points out that the fight over one wooden spoon likely cost thousands of dollars in legal fees alone.

And that is exactly why divorce strategy matters.

Before you dig in, you have to ask yourself:

What is this actually worth?

Not emotionally.

Financially.

The Real Problem May Be Control

Sometimes the fight is not about property at all.

Morgan explains that many of these so-called “squirrel issues” ultimately come down to control. When someone feels like they have lost control of their life, their finances, their family, or the divorce process itself, they may try to regain that feeling of control by pushing the other person’s buttons.

Sarah adds that fear can drive the same behavior: fear of change, fear of being alone, fear of losing the life you knew, and fear of what comes next.

That means the blender may not be about the blender.

The yearbook may not be about the yearbook.

And the airline miles may not be about the airline miles.

Sometimes the fight itself has become a way to stay connected to the relationship, hold onto control, or avoid confronting the much bigger reality that the marriage is ending.

Principle Has a Price Tag

One of the strongest lines in this episode comes from Jamie:

Principle has a price tag.

If you are fighting over something purely because you believe you are right, you need to understand what that principle is going to cost you.

That cost may be financial.

It may also be emotional.

You can absolutely decide that something matters enough to fight for. But that decision should be intentional—not reactive.

Jamie recommends being honest with yourself and with your attorney about what truly matters to you and why.

Treat Divorce Like a Business Transaction

Morgan’s advice is simple: do the math.

Take the emotion out of the issue for a moment and write down the actual numbers.

What is the item worth?

What would it cost to replace?

How many hours will your attorney spend fighting over it?

How much will those hours cost?

What are you potentially giving up in order to get it?

Sometimes seeing those numbers on paper is enough to change your perspective.

That does not mean divorce is emotionless.

It means your decisions should not be controlled by those emotions.

Give Your Attorney the “Shark Tank” Pitch

Sarah offers another test:

If you are determined to fight for something, explain why it matters in a way that would actually sound reasonable to a judge.

Sell the argument.

Explain the value.

Explain what you are willing to give up in exchange.

If you cannot make the case convincingly to your own attorney, you may want to reconsider whether this is really the hill you want to die on.

And that matters beyond the object itself.

Being unreasonable about a relatively small issue can affect how your position is perceived when the court is dealing with things that matter much more—support, custody, property division, or settlement.

Ask Yourself What This Will Matter Five Years From Now

This may be the most useful perspective shift in the entire episode.

Five years from now, are you going to care who got the blender?

Are you really going to remember the airline miles?

Will winning the fight over a piece of furniture have made your post-divorce life meaningfully better?

Probably not.

Andrea shares her own experience of losing a baby blanket she had slept with since birth—something she once believed she could never live without. A decade later, she is still standing.

That is not to minimize the emotional meaning of possessions.

It is to remind you that you are capable of letting go.

Three Questions to Ask Before You Fight

Before you spend another dollar arguing over something in your divorce, do three things.

First, ask yourself why this matters so much.

Second, do the math and compare the value of the item to the cost of fighting for it.

Third, if you still want it, make the case. Explain why it matters, what it is worth, and what you are willing to give up to get it.

If you cannot answer those questions clearly, it may not be worth the fight.

Because getting divorced is already expensive enough.

You do not need to make it more expensive just to prove a point.

In This Episode

Andrea, Morgan, Sarah, and Jamie discuss ridiculous divorce fights, how emotional attachment can drive up legal fees, why control and fear fuel unnecessary conflict, when possessions really are worth negotiating over, how mediation can help rein in a case, and how to make smarter financial decisions during divorce.

They also tackle one critical question:

Is this thing actually valuable—or are you just trying to win?

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Need Help Calming Your Nervous System?

Try ourhttps://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/guides/p/divorce-guided-meditationsGuided Divorce Meditations,created specifically for the moments when divorce anxiety, anger and overwhelm are taking over.

Use them before responding to a triggering text, before a difficult conversation, before court, before mediation—or anytime you need help getting out of your head and back into control.

Divorce Crash Course

Going through divorce and have no idea what you’re supposed to be doing next? Start with our Divorce Crash Course—a private podcast and guidebook designed to help you understand the divorce process, avoid expensive mistakes, and feel a whole lot less lost.

Typically priced at $150, it’s available now for just $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

High-conflict people—and especially manipulative, narcissistic exes—can have an incredible ability to get inside your head. One text, one email, one strange interaction at school pickup can completely derail your nervous system if you let it.

And during divorce, that matters.

Because when you are already emotionally exhausted, stressed, angry and running on fumes, that is exactly when you are most likely to make a bad decision. You fire off the text. You respond to the email. You call your attorney while completely dysregulated. You snap at your kids. You take the bait.

In this mini episode, Andrea talks about what happens when a high-conflict ex triggers you and why your first job is not to win, explain, defend or react. Your first job is to recognize that you are triggered and give yourself a grown-up timeout.

And that is where STFU comes in.

No, not that STFU.

This one stands for:

S — Stop

Recognize what is happening before you react.

T — Take Space

Get out of the immediate situation long enough to regulate yourself.

F — Find Your Goal

Ask yourself what you actually want to accomplish in that moment.

U — Utilize a Resource

Call a friend. Talk to your therapist. Go for a walk. Fold laundry. Clean the kitchen. Listen to music. Or use one of our Guided Divorce Meditations to help calm your nervous system and move through the anxiety, anger and overwhelm before you do something you regret.

Andrea also talks about splitting, a manipulation tactic often seen in high-conflict dynamics. Splitting can push you away from the very people who are trying to support you—your friends, family, therapist, attorney or partner. And when you are already worn down by divorce, it becomes even easier to start taking your stress out on those people.

That is exactly why emotional regulation matters so much during a high-conflict divorce.

The goal is not to never get triggered. You will.

The goal is to catch yourself before that trigger starts making decisions for you.

And if you are in one of those moments where your brain is spinning, your heart is racing and you feel like you are about to absolutely lose it, this is also exactly what our Guided Divorce Meditations were created for. They are short, practical tools you can use when divorce anxiety, anger or panic is taking over and you need help getting yourself back to baseline.

Because sometimes the best thing you can do for your case, your kids and your own sanity is simple:

Stop. Take space. Find your goal. Utilize a resource.

Divorce is a marathon. Protect your energy. Protect your judgment. Protect the relationships that matter to you.

And when a high-conflict ex tries to pull you into the chaos?

Do not take the bait.

In This Episode

Andrea talks about dealing with a high-conflict or narcissistic ex, recognizing emotional manipulation during divorce, avoiding reactive communication, managing divorce triggers, understanding splitting, using the STFU method to regulate yourself, and knowing when to step away before making a costly mistake.

Need Help Calming Your Nervous System?

Try our Guided Divorce Meditations, created specifically for the moments when divorce anxiety, anger and overwhelm are taking over.

Use them before responding to a triggering text, before a difficult conversation, before court, before mediation—or anytime you need help getting out of your head and back into control.

Subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss an episode, and leave us a review if the show is helping you.

www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuck

You can do this. You are doing this. And you are going to get through your divorce.

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Divorce and Emotional Endurance: 3 Ways to Survive a High-Conflict Divorce

Guided Divorce Meditations for When You’re About to Lose Your Sh$t

For the moments when you can’t sleep, when you miss your kids, when you’re worried about money, or just need to get through the next ten minutes.

👉https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/guides/p/divorce-guided-meditationsGET THE GUIDED DIVORCE MEDITATIONS HERE

Going through a divorce? Start with the Divorce Crash Course.

We created the Divorce Crash Course to help you understand the divorce process, communicate smarter with your attorney, avoid expensive mistakes, and make better decisions when your brain is completely overwhelmed.

Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters, Our Family Wizard and Soberlink.

👉https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseGET THE DIVORCE CRASH COURSE HERE

If you're going through a high-conflict divorce, you already know that the exhaustion isn't just coming from court dates and legal bills.

It's the texts.

The emails.

The accusations.

The schedule changes.

The constant wondering what your ex is going to do next.

And eventually, your nervous system starts living like there's an emergency around every corner.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill talk about something that doesn't get nearly enough attention during divorce: emotional endurance.

Because when you're dealing with a difficult, unpredictable, or high-conflict spouse, you cannot control everything they throw at you.

But you can get better at protecting your energy, responding strategically, and recovering when something knocks you sideways.

We're breaking down three practical ways to emotionally survive a high-conflict divorce without letting it take over your entire life.

1. Build a Tiny Divorce Decision-Making Team

One of the biggest mistakes people make during divorce?

Making everybody in their life part of their divorce.

Your friends.

Your sister.

Your neighbor.

The moms at school.

The guy at the dry cleaner.

When you're scared and overwhelmed, it is completely natural to want to tell everyone what is happening. You're looking for reassurance, advice, validation—or sometimes you just need the insanity to come out of your mouth.

But every new person you involve comes with another opinion.

And more opinions can mean more anxiety, more confusion, and more second-guessing.

Instead, build a very small divorce team.

That might include:

• Your divorce attorney for legal strategy
• A therapist for emotional processing
• One trusted friend who can listen when you need to lose your mind for five minutes
• Other professionals your attorney recommends based on your case

Everybody else?

They can still be part of your life.

They just don't need to be part of your divorce strategy.

And sometimes the healthiest thing you can say when a friend asks about your divorce is:

"It's a complete shit show. Anyway, where did you get that purse?"

Your brain desperately needs conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with divorce.

2. Stop Expecting Fairness From a High-Conflict Ex

This one is HARD.

When somebody behaves irrationally, unfairly, or cruelly during divorce, your brain keeps waiting for the moment when they finally become reasonable.

You think:

Surely they'll realize this is hurting the kids.

Surely they'll see how ridiculous this is.

Surely we can agree on this one thing.

Maybe.

But if you're divorcing a genuinely high-conflict person, waiting for fairness can drain every ounce of emotional endurance you have.

As Morgan explains in this episode, "fair" is not necessarily the legal standard—and your definition of fair probably isn't your spouse's definition of fair anyway.

So stop making fairness the goal.

Instead, focus on:

Strategy.

What does your attorney recommend?

Enforceability.

Can the agreement actually be enforced?

Closure.

What gets this divorce finished so you can move forward with your life?

You may also experience something incredibly confusing with a high-conflict spouse: the roller coaster.

One day they're reasonable.

You think:

Holy shit. Maybe we're finally turning a corner.

And 24 hours later?

They're completely off the rails again.

That doesn't mean you did something wrong.

It means you need to stop using their behavior as the barometer for whether your divorce is going well.

Take the reasonable moments when they come.

Use them strategically.

But don't build your emotional stability around whether your ex is having a good day.

Co-Parenting With a High-Conflict Ex? Use the Right Tools

If you are co-parenting through even a moderately high-conflict divorce, organization and documentation matter.

That's why we repeatedly recommend Our Family Wizard.

A co-parenting app can help move communication out of chaotic text threads, keep calendars and expenses organized, and create a clearer record of communication.

And listeners of How Not to Suck at Divorce can receive a significant discount on the first year of the Essentials package.

👉 LEARN MORE ABOUT OUR FAMILY WIZARD

Ask your divorce attorney whether using a co-parenting app proactively makes sense in your case.

3. Create a 20-Minute Recovery Window

Something awful happens during your divorce.

You receive an email from your attorney.

Your ex sends a text.

A financial issue appears.

A parenting dispute erupts.

Your heart starts racing.

You're furious.

You're scared.

And then you do what most of us do:

You immediately go back to your life.

You jump onto a work call.

You pick up the kids.

You respond to another email.

You start making dinner.

But emotionally, you're still standing inside the explosion that just happened.

That's why we want you to create what we call a recovery window.

Give yourself approximately 20 minutes before responding or making another important decision.

During those 20 minutes:

Take a walk.

Sit somewhere quiet.

Go sit in your car.

Cry.

Take a shower.

Listen to music.

Drink cold water.

Try a grounding exercise.

Listen to one of our guided divorce meditations.

But here's the most important part:

Do not respond yet.

Don't email your attorney.

Don't text your spouse.

Don't fire off a message because you're furious.

Don't start reading five more divorce emails while you're already activated.

Recover first.

Then decide what actually deserves a response.

Emotional Endurance Does NOT Mean Becoming Numb

We are not telling you to stop feeling.

You are going to get triggered during divorce.

You are going to have terrible days.

You are going to receive messages that make your stomach drop.

And you may occasionally want to throw your phone directly into Lake Michigan.

You're human.

Emotional endurance means becoming more intentional about:

Who gets your energy.

What expectations you let go of.

How quickly you react.

How you recover after something rattles you.

The goal isn't to become immune to your divorce.

The goal is to stop allowing one awful text at 9:07 a.m. to hijack the next twelve hours of your life.

Remember: Divorce Is a Marathon

We say this constantly because you need to hear it constantly:

Divorce is a marathon. It is not a sprint.

Some days you'll manage it day by day.

Other days?

Hour by hour.

That's okay.

You don't get a ribbon for getting divorced faster.

There is no trophy waiting at the courthouse for the person who endured the most abuse without taking a break.

Pace yourself.

Protect your energy.

Use the right people.

Use the right tools.

Stop waiting for an unreasonable person to suddenly become reasonable.

And when something knocks you down, give your brain time to recover before deciding what happens next.

You may feel like you're going to battle this person forever.

You won't.

The other side may feel impossible to see right now, but it is there.

And on the days when you think:

I cannot do this.

Remember:

You already are.

You've got this, my friends.

And we've got you.

More Divorce Support

🎧 Guided Divorce Meditations: Need help calming your nervous system after a difficult divorce moment? Grab our guided divorce meditations here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/guides/p/divorce-guided-meditations

💥 Divorce Crash Course: Learn what you need to know before expensive divorce mistakes happen.https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

📱 Our Family Wizard: Make co-parenting communication and organization easier. www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20

In this episode:

High-conflict divorce, emotional endurance during divorce, how to deal with a difficult ex, co-parenting with a high-conflict ex, divorce stress, divorce anxiety, divorce emotional regulation, communicating with your divorce attorney, divorce boundaries, co-parenting apps, Our Family Wizard, divorce recovery, surviving a difficult divorce, divorce advice for women and men, and how to protect your mental health during divorce.

🧘 DIVORCE MEDITATIONS

Divorce can make your nervous system feel like it’s running a marathon with no finish line. Our Divorce Meditations are here when you need to calm your brain, stop the spiral, and give yourself a few minutes to breathe.

👉 Listen to the Divorce Meditations here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/guides/p/divorce-guided-meditations

💥 THE DIVORCE CRASH COURSE

If you’re going through divorce and terrified of making an expensive mistake, start here.

The Divorce Crash Course gives you the information we wish every person had before making major decisions in divorce — including how to save money on attorneys, understand your finances, navigate custody and parenting agreements, and avoid mistakes that can cost you thousands.

Typically priced at 150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters, Our Family Wizard and Soberlink.

👉 Get the Divorce Crash Course here:

https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

Think you’re sucking at divorce?

Good news: there are people who have sucked at it significantly harder.

In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea brings you some of the strangest, funniest and most unbelievable divorce stories we’ve ever heard — involving a donated kidney, ex-in-laws buried in a backyard, a six-pound catfish named Pinky, and one extremely smart ex-wife who made sure a future Nobel Prize was covered in her divorce settlement.

Yes. All of that happens in one episode.

But underneath the ridiculous divorce stories is something we actually want you to remember:

Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint.

You cannot spend every hour of every day thinking about your divorce, answering emails, talking to your attorney, worrying about your kids, analyzing your ex, making decisions and trying to predict what happens next.

Your brain needs a break.

Sometimes that means taking a walk. Sometimes it means binge-watching something completely stupid. And sometimes it means listening to stories about someone arguing over a giant catfish during their divorce so you can remember that maybe — just maybe — you're doing better than you think.

In this episode:

• One man who reportedly wanted compensation for a kidney he donated to his wife
• The divorce dispute involving urns and headstones in the backyard
• The tragic tale of Pinky, the six-pound divorce catfish
• The incredibly savvy divorce settlement that gave an ex-wife half of a future Nobel Prize
• Why you don't have to make every divorce decision immediately
• Why taking mental breaks during divorce is not selfish
• How to pace yourself during a long or high-conflict divorce
• Why laughter can actually be part of getting through this
• And why your goal isn't to get through divorce the fastest — it's to get through it as healthy and whole as possible

YOUR REMINDER TODAY:

You are allowed to take a day off from divorce.

You are allowed to laugh.

You are allowed to watch garbage television.

You are allowed to stop thinking about your ex for five freaking minutes.

And you do not need to win an award for being the fastest person ever to get divorced.

When you think you cannot do this, remember:

You already are doing it.

Your win is getting to the other side — and giving yourself the opportunity to build the healthiest, happiest next chapter of your life.

We are so freaking proud of you.

You've got this. And we've got you.

⭐ FOLLOW HOW NOT TO SUCK AT DIVORCE

If this episode gave you a laugh when you desperately needed one, please follow the show and leave us a rating and review!

www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuck

And go back through the How Not to Suck at Divorce library — we have episodes covering divorce finances, custody, co-parenting, attorneys, mediation, high-conflict divorce, emotional recovery and pretty much every WTF moment that can happen along the way.

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Divorce and Hidden Cryptocurrency: How to Find Crypto Your Spouse May Be Hiding

🧘 DIVORCE MEDITATIONS

Divorce can make your brain feel like it’s running 24/7. Our Divorce Meditations were created to help calm your nervous system, quiet the spiral, and get you through the moments when everything feels like too much.

Listen to the Divorce Meditations here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/guides/p/divorce-guided-meditations

💥 THE DIVORCE CRASH COURSE

If you’re overwhelmed by divorce and terrified of making an expensive mistake, start here.

The Divorce Crash Course gives you the information we wish every person had BEFORE making major decisions in divorce — including how to save money on attorneys, understand your finances, navigate custody and parenting agreements, and avoid the mistakes that can cost you thousands.

Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters, Our Family Wizard and Soberlink.

👉 Get the Divorce Crash Course here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

What happens if you think your spouse is hiding money in cryptocurrency during your divorce?

First: don’t panic. And definitely don’t assume crypto is impossible to find.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill are joined by Jason Wright, Managing Director in the Disputes, Compliance & Investigations group at Stout, to break cryptocurrency down for the rest of us — and explain exactly what can happen when crypto becomes part of a divorce.

We’re starting with the basics: What the hell is cryptocurrency? What’s a crypto wallet? What’s a private key or seed phrase? What are Coinbase, Kraken and other crypto exchanges actually doing?

Then we get into the question that matters during divorce:

Can your spouse actually hide marital money in crypto — and can you find it?

Jason explains why cryptocurrency isn’t necessarily as anonymous or untraceable as people think, how forensic experts can follow transactions on the blockchain, and what financial clues might indicate that money has been moved into cryptocurrency.

We discuss:

• How cryptocurrency differs from traditional bank and investment accounts

• Crypto exchanges like Coinbase, Kraken and Gemini

• The difference between custodial and non-custodial crypto wallets

• What private keys and seed phrases actually mean

• Crypto ATMs — yes, apparently those exist

• Transfers and cash withdrawals that could signal cryptocurrency activity

• How forensic experts trace crypto transactions

• Why the blockchain can actually help investigators follow money

• When your divorce attorney may need to subpoena an exchange

• How to decide whether pursuing suspected crypto is financially worth it

• Cryptocurrency and dissipation of marital assets

• What happens when someone loses the password to a crypto wallet

• Why hidden crypto may still be discoverable after divorce

• Why you should NOT confront your spouse if you suspect they’re hiding cryptocurrency

One of the biggest takeaways from this episode?

You do not need to become a cryptocurrency expert.

If something doesn’t look right, gather the financial information you have lawful access to, document what you’re seeing, and bring it to your divorce attorney. Let your attorney decide whether additional investigation, subpoenas or a forensic expert are necessary.

And if your lawyer doesn’t have much experience dealing with cryptocurrency in divorce? Ask them. You have every right to know whether the team handling your divorce understands the assets that may be involved.

Because going on an unnecessary financial “truffle hunt” can cost you money — but walking away from tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands or even millions of dollars that should have been part of your marital estate can cost you a whole lot more.

ABOUT OUR GUEST

Jason Wright is a Managing Director in the Disputes, Compliance & Investigations group at Stout. He works with attorneys and clients on complex financial investigations, including tracing cryptocurrency and digital assets.

We’ll link Jason’s information below so you and/or your attorney can contact him if his expertise is needed.

Jason Wright / Stout: https://www.stout.com/en/professionals/jason-wright

⭐ LOVE HOW NOT TO SUCK AT DIVORCE?

Please take a minute to rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts. Reviews help more people going through divorce find the show when they need it most.

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And make sure you’re following How Not to Suck at Divorce so you never miss an episode. We’re here twice a week with full episodes, mini episodes, legal education, emotional support and the information you need to get through divorce without losing your mind — or your money.

You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.

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Mentioned in this episode:

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Divorce Keeping You Up at Night? How to Stop the 2 A.M. Spiral

DIVORCE CRASH COURSE: Divorce is expensive. Making avoidable mistakes makes it even more expensive. Our Divorce Crash Course gives you the information we wish every person had before and during divorce—from choosing an attorney and understanding your finances to custody, parenting agreements and the mistakes that can cost you thousands.

Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters, OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

[GET THE DIVORCE CRASH COURSE HERE]

NEW: GUIDED DIVORCE MEDITATIONS: When your brain won't shut up about your divorce, we made something specifically for that. Our Guided Divorce Meditations are short, on-demand meditations for the moments divorce hits hardest—including when you can't sleep, you're worried about money or your kids, you're spiraling about your marriage, or you're struggling with a custody transition.

[GET THE GUIDED DIVORCE MEDITATIONS HERE]

If divorce is keeping you awake at night, you're definitely not alone.

You go to bed exhausted, but the second everything gets quiet, your brain decides it's time to solve your entire divorce.

What if my ex is hiding money? What if something happens with the kids? What does that email from my attorney mean? What if this goes to trial? Did I remember to send that document? Should I respond to that text? What if I can't afford this?

Suddenly it's 2:34 a.m., you're wide awake, and you're trying to solve problems that probably cannot be solved from your bed.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill are talking about divorce anxiety, insomnia and what to do when you can't stop thinking about your divorce at night.

And we're giving you an actual strategy.

Morgan explains how to separate the things that genuinely require action from the things that feel urgent because your anxious brain is filling in the blanks. Andrea shares why losing sleep during divorce can make an already difficult situation worse—and potentially affect the decisions you're making the next day.

The goal isn't to pretend everything is fine.

It's learning to recognize what needs your action—and what needs your inaction.

In This Episode You'll Learn

• Why divorce anxiety can feel so much worse at night
• What to do when you wake up worrying about your divorce
• The pen-and-paper strategy Morgan recommends for getting worries out of your head
• How to determine whether something actually requires action
• Why you should think twice before emailing your divorce attorney late at night
• How to create a running list of questions for your attorney
• Why you should draft—but NOT send—emotional late-night emails
• How late-night texts and emails from your ex can destroy your sleep
• Why setting communication boundaries with your co-parent matters
• How to use OurFamilyWizard notification settings more strategically
• Why sometimes doing absolutely nothing is the smartest action you can take
• What to tell yourself when your brain refuses to shut down
• Why resting can be enough when you can't force yourself to fall asleep
• How changing your environment may help break the cycle when you're lying awake spiraling

The 2 A.M. Divorce Brain Dump

If you wake up in the middle of the night and your brain is racing, Morgan recommends keeping a pen and paper next to your bed.

Write down everything that's occupying your brain—not just the divorce stuff.

Then go through the list and ask yourself:

Can I actually take action on this tonight?

Or:

Do I have any control over the outcome of this tonight?

If the answer is no, cross it out for tonight.

If the answer is yes, decide whether it truly requires action immediately or whether you can make a plan to handle it tomorrow.

Most things can wait until morning.

And if it's something you want to discuss with your divorce attorney, write it down or put the email in your drafts. Do not hit send at 2 a.m.

Your rested morning brain may have a very different—and considerably shorter—email to send.

Stop Letting Your Ex Into Your Bedroom

Not literally. We have an entirely different podcast episode for that problem.

We're talking about your phone.

If your ex tends to send inflammatory texts, emails or co-parenting messages late at night, you do not have to allow those notifications to dictate when your nervous system goes into overdrive.

Morgan recommends setting boundaries around when you receive and read messages. Andrea also points out that if you're using OurFamilyWizard, you can choose when you receive your daily notifications.

Your ex's 10:30 p.m. message does not automatically become your 10:31 p.m. emergency.

And it goes both ways.

Don't send your ex angry late-night messages either. Aside from destroying everyone's sleep, creating a documented pattern of bad communication is probably not something you want your attorneys—or potentially a judge—reading later.

What Needs Action—and What Needs Inaction?

We often divide our problems into two categories:

Things I can control.

Things I can't control.

Andrea offers a different way to think about it during divorce:

What needs my action?

And:

What needs my inaction?

Sometimes inaction is an active decision.

You can recognize that something is scary, painful or uncertain without trying to solve it tonight.

You aren't pretending the problem doesn't exist.

You're deciding:

Not now.

Tomorrow, you can reopen the box.

Tonight, your job is to rest.

When Your Brain Still Won't Shut Up

Sometimes you've written everything down. You've made tomorrow's list. You've silenced your notifications. You've decided what can wait.

And your brain is still going.

That's exactly why we created our Guided Divorce Meditations.

Earlier this week, we released one of the meditations completely free on the podcast: For When You Can't Sleep.

It's about 10 minutes long, and Andrea walks you through putting those thoughts and fears somewhere safe for the night—not throwing them away, not pretending they don't matter, but giving yourself permission to stop carrying them until morning.

The complete Guided Divorce Meditation library is $20 and includes meditations created specifically for different moments of divorce when you need help quieting the noise.

[GET THE GUIDED DIVORCE MEDITATIONS HERE]

Resources Mentioned

Divorce Crash Course

Guided Divorce Meditations

OurFamilyWizard

Soberlink

Subscribe, Rate & Review

If How Not to Suck at Divorce is helping you get through your divorce a little smarter, calmer and more prepared, please subscribe and leave us a review. It helps more people find the show and allows us to keep creating resources that actually help you through this process.

Rate the podcast:

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And remember: you are going to get through this.

One step at a time. One day at a time. And sometimes, one hour at a time.

You've got this.

And we've got you.

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