Jackie Faber: Inside My Journey

What if healing doesn’t always mean changing the people around you but changing the meaning your nervous system gives to their behavior?

In this episode of Inside My Journey, I’m talking about one of the biggest shifts self-safety created for me: the outside world did not necessarily change, but my experience of it did.

I share how this showed up in my relationship with my mom, in my marriage, in the way I handle being misunderstood online, and in the way I now think about attachment styles, behavior-based relationship frameworks, and the stay-or-leave binary.

As I built more capacity to hold my own emotional experience, I stopped needing other people’s emotions and behavior to be so carefully controlled. Distance did not have to mean abandonment. Criticism did not have to mean inadequacy. Someone else being upset did not automatically become my emergency.

The behavior could stay the same. The meaning could change.

And when the meaning changed, my experience changed too.

This episode is about perception, self-safety, nervous system capacity, and why other people’s patterns stop hooking us in the same way when they no longer meet the unresolved parts in us.

Self-safety changes perception. Perception changes experience. And when experience changes, choice expands.

Jackie Faber

In this episode, I’m unpacking the moment we give our safety away.

For me, that usually happened when something inside of me became uncomfortable and my attention immediately moved outward. I needed someone to understand me, validate me, apologize, give me clarity, behave differently, or somehow resolve the feeling for me.

Once I started recognizing those movements, I realized they were all part of the same safety-seeking pattern.

That eventually became the Recognition Framework — the process I now use to notice when I’m leaving myself, come back to what I’m actually feeling, and make a conscious choice instead of reacting from fear, urgency, obligation, or discomfort.

I also talk about how this changed my relationships, why urgency became one of my biggest clues, and how learning to hold my own emotional experience gave other people much more freedom to be themselves.

If you want the full breakdown of the seven common ways we give safety away, grab my free PDF here:

7 Subtle Ways We Give Safety Away

What if emotional safety is not something another person gives you?

In this episode of Inside My Journey, I’m exploring the difference between relational safety and what I call self-safety: the ability to remain connected to yourself and your own emotional experience, even when someone else is activated, defensive, disappointed, critical, distant, or simply different from you.

I talk about how I used to locate safety in other people’s behavior, why that kept me managing my external world, and how learning to hold my own emotional experience changed the way I experience relationships, conflict, uncertainty, and activation.

This episode also begins to lay the foundation for autonomy-centered relating: understanding what belongs to you, what belongs to someone else, and why another person’s feelings do not have to become your responsibility to manage.

Read How to Stop Chasing Safety

New episodes of Inside My Journey are released biweekly.

After taking the summer off, I’m back for Season 2 of Inside My Journey — and I’ve changed the way I think about relationships.

For years, conventional “healthy relationship” advice made sense to me: communicate better, meet each other’s needs, compromise, repair, reassure, and learn how to show up as a healthy partner. But something shifted when I actually found myself in a relationship I experienced as healthy.

I started noticing that so much relationship advice is still organized around managing how another person shows up so that we can feel okay.

In this episode, I share where that realization began, why my lived experience started contradicting what I was being taught about healthy relationships, and how ideas around self-safety, emotional responsibility, autonomy, and coercive control began coming together into one relational framework.

This episode also sets the stage for Season 2, where we’ll explore self-safety, the Recognition Framework, autonomy-centered relationships, emotional responsibility, needs, differentiation, coercion, and ultimately self-authorship.

If you remove sex from a relationship, all you have left is friendship.

At least that's what people keep telling me.

Over the last few weeks, I've found myself fascinated by the reactions to that idea. Not because I think sex doesn't matter, but because I can't seem to understand why friendship is so often treated like the consolation prize.

What if friendship isn't what's left over when everything else disappears?

What if it's the foundation that determines whether a relationship survives reality in the first place?

In this episode, I explore the difference between attraction and friendship, intimacy and recognition, love and attachment. We talk about dead bedrooms, loneliness, emotional isolation, and why so many people feel unseen inside relationships that have lasted for years.

Along the way, I found myself asking a question I can't stop thinking about:

Did the relationship stop working when the sex stopped?

Or did the sex stop because something in the relationship had already stopped working?

This became a conversation about recognition, partnership, and what it means to have someone willing to face reality alongside you.

Because maybe the deepest form of intimacy isn't sex.

Maybe it's being truly known.

Jackie Faber

relationships | intimacy | emotional intimacy | dead bedroom | marriage | partnership | emotional connection | attachment | communication in relationships | personal growth

For years, I deeply identified with anxious attachment.

I believed distance meant danger.
Space meant rejection.
Uncertainty meant abandonment.

And because of that, every relationship became organized around securing connection, preserving closeness, and preventing people from leaving.

But what if anxious attachment isn't actually about love?

What if it's a nervous system safety-seeking pattern?

In this episode, I share how my perspective on attachment styles completely changed after understanding nervous system orientation, self-referencing, and recognition.

We'll explore:

• Why avoidant people no longer trigger me
• The difference between self-referencing and other-referencing
• How anxious attachment becomes organized around safety
• Why managing triggers is different from dissolving patterns
• The moment I stopped relating to people through the lens of abandonment

I didn't heal by finding people who wouldn't trigger me.

I healed by recognizing the pattern that was creating the trigger in the first place.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

📘 Permission to Be
A book about trauma, identity, spirituality, and returning to your authentic self.

📖 Recognition Manual
Learn how to identify nervous system patterns in real time instead of after they've already taken over.

🔄 Orientation Shift
A deeper dive into how your nervous system organizes around safety, relationships, and self-abandonment.

If this episode resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who is tired of repeating the same relationship patterns, and leave a review. It helps more people discover the show.

anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, attachment styles, attachment theory, nervous system healing, self safety, self referencing, abandonment wounds, fear of abandonment, relationship anxiety, healing attachment wounds, nervous system regulation, trauma healing, emotional healing, codependency, anxious attachment recovery, relationship patterns, emotional triggers, recognition work, orientation shift, self abandonment, personal growth, spirituality and healing, nervous system patterns, attachment trauma, secure attachment, emotional regulation, inner child healing, healing journey, Jackie Faber

Today is a really big day for me because my book, Permission to Be, is officially out on Amazon.

But this episode isn’t just about the release of the book.
It’s about the evolution behind it.

What started as a book about loving an addict slowly transformed into something much deeper as I moved through divorce, emotional abuse, spirituality, nervous system healing, and ultimately — embodiment.

Every single time I tried to finish this book before I had fully lived the lesson, the book stopped.

In this episode, I talk about:

• why the original book never got written
• the abusive relationship that changed everything
• realizing I was still self-abandoning in real time
• the shift from abuse content into spirituality
• how the chakra system became a mirror for my own fragmentation
• why I couldn’t fully write about the higher chakras yet
• the difference between understanding healing and embodying it
• what finally allowed me to complete Permission to Be

This episode is less of a teaching episode and more of an honest reflection on the last few years of my life and the journey that shaped this book.

Permission to Be is now available on Amazon in paperback and ebook format. Signed copies are also available in limited quantities through my Stan Store.

Jackie Faber Stan Store

permission to be, self abandonment, self trust, spirituality podcast, healing journey, emotional abuse recovery, chakra healing, embodiment, nervous system healing, spiritual awakening, codependency recovery, self healing, trauma healing, people pleasing, authenticity, personal growth podcast, healing podcast, spiritual growth, conscious relationships, shadow work, self worth, finding authenticity, inner healing, emotional healing, reiki, self responsibility, spiritual transformation, healing after abuse, chakra system, nervous system regulation

There was a time when I viewed harmful behavior almost entirely through the lens of unconscious survival.

Then I entered online abuse discourse… and suddenly everything became intentional, calculated, toxic, narcissistic, manipulative.

In this episode, I talk about my own experience moving between those two extremes — from over-humanizing harmful behavior to briefly dehumanizing human behavior altogether — and how understanding the nervous system changed the way I see relationships, trauma, manipulation, healing, and consciousness itself.

This conversation explores:

• black-and-white thinking
• nervous system organization
• trauma and unconscious behavior
• certainty as emotional regulation
• polarity in healing spaces
• self-reference and relational dynamics
• why nuance feels threatening online
• and why human behavior is often far more complex than “good vs evil”

This is not a conversation about excusing harm.
It’s a conversation about moving beyond simplistic frameworks and understanding what actually drives human behavior.

Explore my work

#healing #trauma #nervoussystem #selfawareness #relationships #consciousness #attachmentstyles #selftrust #personalgrowth #psychology

In this episode, I talk about one of the biggest patterns I’ve uncovered within my relationships: over-functioning.

For years, I thought I was being loving.
Supportive.
Responsible.
I thought I was creating emotional safety.

But underneath it all, I was often managing everyone’s emotional experience because I was afraid that if people were uncomfortable, hurt, or having different emotional reactions… the relationship would be threatened.

This became especially apparent inside blended family dynamics, where I constantly felt pulled between my partner’s feelings and my daughter’s feelings — trying to make sure nobody felt rejected, abandoned, or uncomfortable.

In this episode, I share a recent real-life experience that made me realize how differently I handle these situations now.

We talk about:
→ over-functioning in relationships
→ emotional management and self-abandonment
→ blended family dynamics
→ loyalty conflicts
→ nervous system capacity
→ emotional safety
→ allowing people to have their own emotional experience
→ staying connected to yourself without choosing sides

This episode is really about what happens when you stop trying to manage everyone else’s emotions… and finally learn how to stay grounded in your own truth while allowing others to navigate theirs.

Learn more about my self-safety framework: https://stan.store/jackiefaber

over functioning, over functioning in relationships, blended family dynamics, nervous system healing, emotional safety, self abandonment, attachment wounds, emotional regulation, codependency, relationship anxiety, self safety, internal orientation, nervous system capacity, people pleasing, emotional boundaries, step parenting, blended families, healing relationship patterns, relationship triggers, emotional maturity, anxious attachment, family dynamics, emotional processing, self trust, relationship healing

We’ve been taught to prioritize impact over intent.

To be aware.
To take responsibility.
To make sure what you say lands well.

And on the surface… that sounds healthy.

But what if the way this is being applied is actually training you to leave yourself in real time?

In this episode, I break down how “impact over intent” has quietly shifted from accountability → into over-functioning.

Not because you don’t care…
But because you care so much that you’ve started organizing yourself around how you’re received.

→ You monitor your tone
→ You rehearse what you’re going to say
→ You adjust in real time to make sure it lands

And without realizing it…
You stop referencing yourself.

This isn’t a communication issue.

It’s an orientation issue.

In this episode, I walk you through:

• Why prioritizing impact can create dependency (not responsibility)
• How over-functioning actually trains the other person not to grow
• The subtle moment where you override what’s true for you
• The difference between being self-aware vs being self-referenced
• How to stay with yourself without dismissing someone else’s experience

Because real accountability doesn’t start with their reaction.

It starts with you.

The Recognition Manual → Learn how to catch the pattern while it’s happening
The Orientation Shift → Build the capacity to stay with yourself in real time

🔗 Ready to go deeper?

impact vs intent, impact over intent relationships, emotional responsibility in relationships, overfunctioning in relationships, anxious attachment patterns, people pleasing patterns, relationship anxiety, nervous system regulation relationships, self trust in relationships, attachment theory vs nervous system, codependency patterns, relationship dynamics psychology, emotional intelligence vs overfunctioning, how to stop people pleasing, self abandonment patterns, healing relationship patterns, relationship coaching podcast, personal development relationships, secure attachment vs anxious attachment, internal vs external validation, self referencing vs other referencing

You stop people pleasing…
and suddenly you start seeing it everywhere.

You notice who can’t say no.
You notice who overextends.
You notice who says yes… and then feels resentful.

And it puts you in a weird position.

Do you adjust because you can see their pattern?
Or do you let them face it?

In this episode, I break down what’s actually happening in those moments—how overfunctioning doesn’t just disappear when you become aware of it… it just changes form.

We talk about:
→ why “you’re responsible for your impact” gets misused
→ how overfunctioning becomes identity (and feels like being “caring”)
→ the line of responsibility you were never taught
→ why adjusting for others reinforces the pattern
→ redefining care, non-interference, and unconditional love

If you’ve done the healing but still find yourself adjusting in real time—this episode will show you why.

Ready to explore my work?

https://stan.store/jackiefaber

people pleasing, overfunctioning, boundaries, self abandonment, emotional patterns, nervous system, self trust, codependency, personal growth, healing journey, relationships, emotional awareness, self responsibility, mindset, trauma patterns, inner work, self development, attachment patterns, relationship dynamics, emotional intelligence

You’ve told your story.
So why do you still feel stuck?

In this episode, I break down something no one in the healing space is talking about:

The difference between processing your story… and rehearsing it

Because there is a phase where telling your story frees you.
But there’s also a point where repeating it keeps your nervous system stuck inside it.

I share my own experience of going viral talking about abuse—and how what I thought was healing was actually reinforcing the pattern.

We dive into:

✔ Why your brain and nervous system relive the past every time you retell your story
✔ How your identity can unconsciously organize around what happened to you
✔ The subtle shift from “this happened to me” → “this is who I am”
✔ Why constantly analyzing others keeps you externally oriented
✔ How healing spaces can become places that reinforce your identity instead of evolving it
✔ The difference between sharing from integration vs sharing from activation
✔ The real question you need to ask if you feel the urge to keep telling your story

This isn’t about judging where you are.
It’s about understanding what your system is organizing around.

Because that’s the part that actually keeps you stuck.

If you’ve done years of healing and something still isn’t shifting…
this is the work I teach.

Not more processing.
Not more understanding.
Recognition.

Learn more about my work here

healing trauma, nervous system healing, trauma identity, telling your story healing, trauma processing vs healing, nervous system regulation, emotional healing patterns, trauma recovery mindset, why am I still triggered after healing, personal development psychology, trauma and identity, somatic healing, self referencing vs external validation, people pleasing and trauma

A client inside the Self-Safety Lab sent me a video this week about self-trust and internal safety.

The creator said something I’ve been speaking about a lot lately—that when you’re fully self-referenced, people can’t manipulate you or gaslight you.

And while I agree with that…

I think it goes deeper.

Because this isn’t just about what other people can or can’t do to you—it’s about what you are no longer available to do to yourself.

In this episode, I walk through a real moment from my own life where I was faced with a decision that made sense on paper—
more money, more stability, more certainty…

…and still couldn’t move toward it.

Not because I was avoiding it.
Not because I reframed it.
Not because I “chose alignment.”

But because the part of me that used to override myself…was no longer there.

We talk about:

• what self-abandonment actually is (beyond the obvious)
• the mechanism that allows you to move against yourself
• why “pushing through” can still be self-abandonment
• the difference between fear, logic, and truth in the body
• what changes when your system is no longer organized around external safety

This is the shift most people are trying to create—
but are still approaching from the same pattern that keeps them stuck.

🎥 Credit to the original video referenced in this episode:
The Unfiltered Fairy @enchantedforestkc

If you’re starting to notice where you can feel what’s true…
but still move against it—this is exactly the work we do inside my world.

🔗 Self-Safety Lab (build capacity + internal safety):
https://finding-authenticity.kit.com/f53b5abffe

🔗 Orientation Shift (learn the framework at your own pace):
https://stan.store/jackiefaber/p/the-orientation-shift

self trust, self abandonment, nervous system, internal safety, personal development, emotional regulation, embodiment, trauma healing, identity shift, boundaries, self leadership, alignment, intuition, somatic awareness, mindset, healing vs embodiment

We’re told that empathy means meeting people where they are.

Validating. Understanding. Holding space.

And I actually agree with that… but lately I’ve been running into something that doesn’t quite add up.

Because what happens when “where someone is” is inside a pattern that’s keeping them stuck?

In this episode, I’m breaking down a real moment where the only honest thing I could say was “I understand”… and why that was perceived as cold.

We get into:
✓ Why most people confuse empathy with agreement
✓ How validating the story can reinforce the pattern
✓ The difference between understanding someone vs joining them
✓ Why “I understand” doesn’t always feel supportive
✓ How to tell if someone is actually ready to shift (hint: they ask questions)
✓ What it really means to meet someone where they are without abandoning yourself

This isn’t about withholding empathy.

It’s about redefining it.

Because real support doesn’t follow someone out of themselves…
it holds position while they’re trying to leave.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re either enabling someone or invalidating them — this episode will change how you see that dynamic entirely.

—

Subscribe for more conversations on relationships, nervous system patterns, and why awareness alone doesn’t always create change.

Visit my website

empathy vs enabling, what is real empathy, emotional validation vs reinforcement, why empathy feels cold, relationship patterns psychology, nervous system and relationships, how to hold space without enabling, external orientation relationships, emotional patterns and loops, healthy communication vs validation

I wasn’t planning on recording this episode.

But something came up in my own relationship this week that I couldn’t ignore.

I found myself in a dynamic with zero pressure — no expectations, no timeline, no need for sex to go anywhere… and yet my body was still tracking everything.

Am I taking too long?
Am I doing this right?
Are they enjoying this?

And in that moment, I realized something:

This isn’t about who you’re with.
It’s about what your body learned sex was.

In this episode, I’m talking about how sex can quietly become performance — not because something is wrong with you, but because of subtle patterns, expectations, and dynamics that teach your system to prioritize outcome over experience.

We get into:
✓ Why you can’t feel pleasure when you’re trying to “get it right”
✓ How overthinking during sex disconnects you from your body
✓ The difference between feeling vs tracking your experience
✓ How performance-based sex develops (especially in heteronormative dynamics)
✓ Why changing partners or environments doesn’t automatically change the pattern
✓ What it actually means to come back into your body in real time

This isn’t about fixing yourself.

It’s about recognizing what your system is organizing around — and what happens when you start to see it while it’s happening.

If you’ve ever felt like sex is something you’re managing instead of experiencing, this episode will hit.

—

Subscribe for more conversations on nervous system awareness, relationships, and shifting out of patterns that keep repeating — even when you’ve “done the work.”

Website: www.findingauthenticity.ca

performance anxiety sex, overthinking during sex, why can’t I stay present during sex, women’s pleasure psychology, nervous system and intimacy, sex feels like performance, intimacy anxiety, embodiment and relationships, healing sexual patterns, presence vs performance

Relationships aren’t actually hard.
What’s hard is staying with yourself when something gets activated inside of them.

In this episode, I break down the real reason relationships feel like work—and why all the communication tools, love languages, and “healthy relationship advice” don’t actually change the experience.

Because the problem isn’t the relationship.
It’s what happens inside of you while you’re in it.

I share real examples from my current relationship—what gets activated, how my nervous system interprets things, and how I used to turn connection into something I had to manage.

This episode will help you see:
✔ Why “relationships are hard work” is a belief that shapes your experience
✔ The difference between being in a relationship vs organizing yourself around it
✔ How external orientation keeps you stuck in effort, overthinking, and emotional management
✔ What it actually means to stay with yourself when you’re activated
✔ Why capacity—not communication—is what changes everything

If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything “right” but relationships still feel heavy…
this will show you why.

—

If this resonates, this is exactly what I teach inside the Self Safety Lab—where you build the capacity to stay with yourself instead of outsourcing your stability to relationships.

www.findingauthenticity.ca

relationships, relationship advice, emotional regulation, nervous system, attachment, self awareness, healing, relationship anxiety, personal development, self safety, trauma patterns, emotional triggers, dating, conscious relationships, mindset

Sometimes the thing we’re searching for isn’t something we need to create — it’s something we need to recognize.

In this episode, I share the story of how a relationship in my life didn’t suddenly appear… it slowly revealed itself.

For years I had been talking about conscious relationships — what they feel like, how they work, and what it takes to build them — even though I hadn’t personally experienced one yet. Then, through two friendships that developed through my platform, I began to notice something deeper about how we relate to others and how life unfolds.

What I eventually realized is that the kind of relationship I had been describing for years was already present in my life. I simply hadn’t recognized it because I was attached to what I thought it was supposed to look like.

In this episode we explore:

• Why traditional relationship frameworks can sometimes feel transactional
• The difference between experiential connection and relational connection
• How contrast experiences reveal what we’re truly oriented toward
• Why attachment to a specific outcome can blind us to what already exists
• How embodiment helps us recognize aligned relationships
• The deeper idea that life often unfolds through interconnected experiences

This isn’t an episode about manifesting love.

It’s about awareness, recognition, and learning to see what may already be unfolding in your life.

Sometimes the next chapter of your life doesn’t arrive as something new.

Sometimes it’s something that has been quietly growing beside you the entire time.

Explore my work: www.findingauthenticity.ca

conscious relationships, relationship awareness, personal growth, spiritual growth, recognition and awareness, embodiment, self awareness, relationship alignment, relational connection, experiential connection, spiritual awakening, conscious dating, manifestation vs recognition, personal transformation, life unfolding, quantum possibility, mindset and relationships, human connection, emotional intelligence

There’s a stage of awakening no one really prepares you for.

It’s not bliss.
It’s not clarity.
It’s not “I found myself.”

It’s the moment your consciousness expands so quickly that your logical mind can’t keep up.

Language lags behind awareness.
Identity structures start dissolving.
Your brain scrambles to make meaning.

And if you don’t understand what’s happening, it can feel destabilizing.

In this episode, I talk about the liminal stage of consciousness expansion — the space where you can’t go back to who you were, but you can’t yet articulate who you’re becoming.

We explore:

•

Why rapid spiritual growth can feel disorienting

•

The difference between dysregulation and embodied expansion

•

Why your brain searches for meaning during identity shifts

•

How to anchor into your body when logic stops working

•

What it really means to trust your intuition

If you’re in a stage where you’re sensing and knowing things you can’t explain… this episode is for you.

You’re not losing your mind.
You’re reorganizing your perception.

And the only true anchor is your body.

www.findingauthenticity.ca

Consciousness expansion, spiritual awakening, identity shift, embodiment, nervous system regulation, intuition, self trust, ego, liminal space, personal transformation.

There are certain concepts in healing that used to infuriate me.

“You have to love yourself first.”
“Stop outsourcing your safety.”
“Let them show you who they are.”

At one point in my life, those ideas felt dismissive and invalidating. Not because they were wrong — but because I hadn’t experienced them yet.

In this episode, I break down the difference between cognitive understanding and somatic experience — and why so much healing advice creates pushback when your nervous system is still oriented toward survival.

We explore:

•

Why intellectualizing healing can only take you so far

•

The shift from outward orientation (securing safety through others) to inward orientation (self-holding)

•

Why “self-love” means something completely different depending on your nervous system state

•

How the same advice can feel threatening in one stage — and peaceful in another

You cannot think your way into inward orientation.
You regulate your way into it.

And once it lands in your body, the same concepts that once felt invalidating finally make sense.

www.findingauthenticity.ca/welcome

self love, nervous system regulation, trauma healing, somatic healing, emotional healing, healing journey, self healing, nervous system healing, emotional regulation, trauma recovery, self worth, personal growth, attachment healing, somatic therapy, mental health podcast, self trust, inner healing, embodiment, codependency healing, relationship healing

Love is one of the most talked about — and most misunderstood — concepts in spirituality.

Many of us were raised believing love is something we earn, perform for, or receive from other people. Then, if we begin a healing or spiritual journey, we often swing to the opposite extreme and learn that love is something we source from within.

But what if both perspectives are incomplete?

In this episode, I explore the evolution of love through three stages:
• Love as something we seek from others
• Love as an internal state
• Love as something that moves between people

I share a personal relational experience that revealed how the concept of unconditional love can sometimes become abstract — and why spirituality often misses the lived, human experience of love inside relationships.

We explore the idea of embodied love — where love is not just a state you hold internally, but something that becomes alive through mutuality, participation, responsibility, and shared relational presence.

This conversation challenges the idea that love only exists as acceptance or detachment and invites a deeper understanding of how love actually lives, moves, and evolves between two people.

If you've ever struggled to reconcile spiritual concepts of love with real human relationships, this episode is for you.

Visit my work: www.findingauthenticity.ca

unconditional love, embodied love, conscious relationships, trauma and relationships, nervous system and relationships, spiritual bypassing in relationships, self sourced love, emotional healing, relationship patterns, mutuality in relationships, embodiment in relationships, love as participation