Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

How does "Did you remember to do that?" turn into a screaming match, a slammed door, or three days of silence?

One minute, everything's fine. The next, you're defending yourself like your life depends on it. And somehow, you're having the SAME fight you've had a hundred times before.

Your partner isn't the enemy. So why does every conversation feel like a war?

Here's the uncomfortable truth: Your partner might not be attacking you. But your brain thinks they are. And that automatic reaction could be the very thing keeping you trapped in a cycle ofdefensiveness in relationships that neither of you knows how to escape.

In this episode, I'm joined by marriage and family therapist and board-certified coach Matthew Caplan to expose what's really happening when defensiveness takes over your relationship — and why trying to prove you're right could be destroying the connection you're desperate to protect.

You'll learn:

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Why the smallest comments trigger your biggest fights.

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How your nervous system turns your partner into the enemy.

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The four defensive reactions that quietly sabotage relationships.

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Why being RIGHT can cost you the connection you want.

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How to break the cycle, lower your defenses, and finally feel like a team again.

You don't have to keep fighting the person you're supposed to be fighting FOR.

Ready to stop having the same miserable argument on repeat?Book a FREE consultation with Matthew and start changing the patterns keeping you stuck.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Sequencing.com — Discover what your DNA can reveal about your health with clinical-grade whole genome sequencing that reads 100% of your DNA. Get 10% off with promo code LHS athttp://sequencing.com

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Ritual — Hormone-free support made for the perimenopause years. Get 25% off your first order athttp://ritual.com/LHS

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Tin Can — A screen-free phone that gives kids more freedom to talk to friends, with parental controls built in. Get $10 off your first order athttp://tincan.com/LHS

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Cozy Earth — Give the gift of cozy this holiday season with luxuriously soft blankets, sheets, and pajamas everyone will love. Shop their biggest sale of the year and get 35% off home and sleepwear with code LHS athttps://cozyearth.com/ through December 3rd

Be sure to check out The Dr. Leaf Show to discover the science behind your thoughts, emotions, and mental well-being with cognitive neuroscientist Dr. Caroline Leaf, who shares practical strategies for managing stress, building resilience, and developing healthier thinking habits. Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Your partner keeps turning you down for sex. You're hurt, frustrated, and starting to wonder if they even want you anymore. But what if you've been getting the whole thing wrong?

Here's the uncomfortable truth: Your sex life might not be suffering because the attraction is gone. It might be suffering because neither of you knows how to talk about what's really happening in the bedroom.

In this episode, I'm joined by sexuality expert and couples therapist Dori to unpack the painful cycle of sexual rejection, resentment, and avoidance that's quietly destroying intimacy in so many relationships. And trust me, some of what she reveals might completely change how you see your partner.

You'll learn:

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Why your partner keeps saying no to sex (and why it might not be about you).

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The bedroom mistakes that secretly destroy sexual desire.

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How to talk about what you really want without triggering shame, defensiveness, or a fight.

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Why sexual rejection turns into resentment, and how to break the cycle.

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How to reignite intimacy, even after decades of disconnection.

Your sex life doesn't have to stay this way. If you're ready to stop guessing and start reconnecting, book a free consultation with Dori athttps://www.growingself.com/dori. You deserve a relationship where intimacy feels good for both of you.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Sequencing.com — Discover what your DNA can reveal about your health with clinical-grade whole genome sequencing that reads 100% of your DNA. Get 10% off with promo code LHS athttp://sequencing.com

•

Ritual — Hormone-free support made for the perimenopause years. Get 25% off your first order athttp://ritual.com/LHS

•

Tin Can — A screen-free phone that gives kids more freedom to talk to friends, with parental controls built in. Get $10 off your first order athttp://tincan.com/LHS

•

Vinted — A secondhand marketplace app that makes it simple to sell clothes you no longer wear and earn extra cash. The app is free to download, and with no seller fees, you keep what you earn.

You said yes. But what if you were never really free to say no?

Here's the terrifying thing about coercive control: It can look exactly like love. Exactly like consent. And you might not recognize the manipulation until you're already trapped in it.

In this eye-opening episode, I'm joined by forensic researcher AJ Greer, who studies sexual violence, dangerous relationship dynamics, and the psychology of abusers. We're exposing the subtle manipulation tactics, shocking red flags, and dangerous power dynamics that can turn a relationship into something you barely recognize.

You'll learn:

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The hidden signs of coercive control that are dangerously easy to miss.

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Consent vs. coercion: Why saying "yes" doesn't always mean you had a choice.

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Love bombing, jealousy, and manipulation: The red flags you should NEVER ignore.

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The open relationship ultimatum: When "agreeing" becomes coercion.

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The dangerous bedroom trend that can have deadly consequences.

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How to help someone you love who's trapped in an abusive relationship.

If you've ever questioned your partner's behavior, second-guessed your boundaries, or wondered whether something that happened to you was actually okay, you need to hear this conversation.

Ready to get clarity about your relationship? You don't have to figure it out alone.Book a FREE consultation with a member of my team at Growing Self.

Content note: This episode discusses coercion, sexual violence, abuse, and physical danger. If you need immediate support, visitour emergency resources orhttps://www.thehotline.org/http://thehotline.org.

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Sequencing.com — Discover what your DNA can reveal about your health with clinical-grade whole genome sequencing that reads 100% of your DNA. Get 10% off with promo code LHS athttp://sequencing.com

•

Ritual — Hormone-free support made for the perimenopause years. Get 25% off your first order athttp://ritual.com/LHS

•

Tin Can — A screen-free phone that gives kids more freedom to talk to friends, with parental controls built in. Get $10 off your first order athttp://tincan.com/LHS

•

Vinted — A secondhand marketplace app that makes it simple to sell clothes you no longer wear and earn extra cash. The app is free to download, and with no seller fees, you keep what you earn.

You didn't work this hard just to feel this miserable.

You got the promotion. You earned your seat at the table. You built the career you always wanted.

So why are you exhausted, lonely, and secretly wondering if any of it was worth it?

Here's what nobody tells you about women in leadership: The higher you climb, the lonelier it can get. You're expected to be confident but never intimidating. Decisive but always likable. Successful at work while somehow keeping everything at home running perfectly, too.

And the worst part? You start wondering if you're the problem.

In this episode, I'm joined by psychologist and executive leadership coach Dr. Natasha Thapar-Olmos to expose the hidden emotional cost of leadership and what you can do to stop surviving your success and actually start enjoying it.

You'll learn:

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Why reaching the top can feel so painfully lonely, especially when you're the only woman in the room.

•

How to stop second-guessing yourself when every decision feels like a no-win situation.

•

The hidden expectations that are driving your burnout (and how to break free).

•

Why trying to do everything yourself is keeping you stuck.

•

How to build the confidence, support system, and boundaries you need to lead without losing yourself.

You can be ambitious without being miserable. And you don't have to figure it all out alone.

If you're ready to feel confident, supported, and excited about your career again,book a free consultation with a Growing Self coach. Let's talk about how to make your success feel as good as it looks.

And here's a little something extra: Dr. Natasha created a free resource just for our listeners! Take a Breather: 50 Options, 5 Minutes Each is packed with simple, five-minute ways to pause, reset, and recharge when life and leadership feel overwhelming. Because sometimes, five minutes is exactly what you need.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Sequencing.com — Discover what your DNA can reveal about your health with clinical-grade whole genome sequencing that reads 100% of your DNA. Get 10% off with promo code LHS athttp://sequencing.com

•

Ritual — Hormone-free support made for the perimenopause years. Get 25% off your first order athttp://ritual.com/LHS

•

Tin Can — A screen-free phone that gives kids more freedom to talk to friends, with parental controls built in. Get $10 off your first order athttp://tincan.com/LHS

•

Vinted — A secondhand marketplace app that makes it simple to sell clothes you no longer wear and earn extra cash. The app is free to download, and with no seller fees, you keep what you earn.

You've done the therapy. Read the books. Analyzed your childhood. You know EXACTLY why you keep repeating the same patterns.

So why isn't anything changing?

Here's the uncomfortable truth: Understanding your problems isn't the same as solving them. And waiting until you feel confident, motivated, or emotionally ready might be the very thing keeping you stuck.

In this episode, I'm joined by Amy Morin, psychotherapist and bestselling author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, to challenge everything you think you know about mental strength, healing, and what it actually takes to change your life.

In this episode, you'll learn:

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The mental habits secretly keeping you stuck (and how to break them).

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Why all that self-awareness isn't translating into real change.

•

The surprising difference between mental strength and pretending you're okay.

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How to stop overthinking, overcome self-doubt, and take action before you feel ready.

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Three practical strategies to build mental strength, even when life feels overwhelming.

Here's the bottom line: You don't have to feel strong to start changing your life. But you do have to start.

And you don't have to figure it out alone.

At Growing Self, our therapist-coaches combine the depth of therapy with the action-oriented approach of coaching to help you understand what's holding you back, break old patterns, and turn those breakthroughs into meaningful, lasting change.

Ready to stop just understanding your problems and start doing something about them? Book a free consultation with our team.

Let's turn all that self-awareness into actual progress.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Sequencing.com — Discover what your DNA can reveal about your health with clinical-grade whole genome sequencing that reads 100% of your DNA. Get 10% off with promo code LHS athttp://sequencing.com

•

Ritual — Hormone-free support made for the perimenopause years. Get 25% off your first order athttp://ritual.com/LHS

•

Tin Can — A screen-free phone that gives kids more freedom to talk to friends, with parental controls built in. Get $10 off your first order athttp://tincan.com/LHS

•

Vinted — A secondhand marketplace app that makes it simple to sell clothes you no longer wear and earn extra cash. The app is free to download, and with no seller fees, you keep what you earn.

You love your dad. He did his best. So why are you still desperately trying to prove you're good enough?

Why do you keep choosing emotionally unavailable partners? Why can't you stop fixing everyone else's problems? And why does being the person who "has it all together" feel so damn exhausting?

What if the patterns ruining your peace today started with a wound you didn't even know you had?

I'm joined by psychotherapist and bestselling author Terri Cole to unpack the truth about "daddy issues," the invisible father wound, and how childhood experiences can quietly shape your self-worth, relationships, and ability to receive love. And trust me, this conversation got personal.

In this episode, you'll learn:

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The surprising signs of daddy issues you might be mistaking for personality traits.

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Why even loving, well-intentioned fathers can leave emotional wounds.

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How your childhood may be driving your people-pleasing, perfectionism, and compulsive fixing.

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Why you keep falling for emotionally unavailable people and mistaking familiarity for chemistry.

•

How to start healing your father wound, reclaim your worth, and finally stop walking on eggshells.

Here's what I want you to know: You don't have to keep living out patterns you never consciously chose.

If you're ready to understand what's keeping you stuck and finally start changing it, my team of therapist-coaches can help. Book a free consultation to take the first step toward healing your father wound, reclaiming your self-worth, and creating healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Sequencing.com — Discover what your DNA can reveal about your health with clinical-grade whole genome sequencing that reads 100% of your DNA. Get 10% off with promo code LHS athttp://sequencing.com

•

Ritual — Hormone-free support made for the perimenopause years. Get 25% off your first order athttp://ritual.com/LHS

•

Tin Can — A screen-free phone that gives kids more freedom to talk to friends, with parental controls built in. Get $10 off your first order athttp://tincan.com/LHS

•

Vinted — A secondhand marketplace app that makes it simple to sell clothes you no longer wear and earn extra cash. The app is free to download, and with no seller fees, you keep what you earn.

They love you. So why does it feel like their job gets the best of them, and you get whatever is left?

Maybe you're always waiting for them to come home. Maybe you've stopped asking for more because they're so busy. Or maybe you're the one saying, “I'm sorry, but I have to work.” Again.

In this episode, I’m talking with Growing Self couples therapist Silas Hendrich, LMFT, about what happens when a career becomes the third in your relationship, and how to find your way back to each other.

You’ll learn:

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Why high achievers can become more attached to work when things at home get harder

•

Why the partner at home eventually stops asking for what they need

•

How resentment quietly replaces connection

•

The boundaries that can start rebuilding trust

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Small ways to reconnect, even when work isn’t slowing down

Nobody has to be the villain for your relationship to be in trouble. You can both be doing your best and still wake up one day feeling more like roommates than partners.

The good news? You don’t have to wait for the job to change, the busy season to end, or life to magically calm down. Small, intentional changes can start rebuilding warmth, trust, and connection now.

If work has been coming between you, book a free consultation with Silas. He can help you understand what’s keeping you stuck and start finding your way back to each other.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

• Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at http://shopify.com/lhs
• Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠
• Sequencing.com — Discover what your DNA can reveal about your health with clinical-grade whole genome sequencing that reads 100% of your DNA. Get 10% off with promo code LHS at http://Sequencing.com
• Ritual — Hormone-free support made for the perimenopause years. Get 25% off your first order at http://Ritual.com/LHS
• Tin Can — A screen-free phone that gives kids more freedom to talk to friends, with parental controls built in. Get $10 off your first order at http://tincan.com/LHS
• Vinted — A secondhand marketplace app that makes it simple to sell clothes you no longer wear and earn extra cash. The app is free to download, and with no seller fees, you keep what you earn.

“I need space.”

Three words. And suddenly you’re wondering if your relationship is over.

Are they coming back? Did I do something wrong? Should I give them space or fight for us? Is this actually a breakup and they just don’t have the courage to say it?

That uncertainty can be excruciating.

Because “I need space” can mean I need 20 minutes to calm down. It can mean I don’t know if I want this relationship anymore. And sometimes, it really does mean goodbye.

In this episode, marriage and family therapist and Growing Self clinician Jennifer Cunningham is helping you figure out which one you’re dealing with and what to do next.

You’ll learn:

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How to tell a healthy pause from serious emotional withdrawal

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What not to do when your partner starts pulling away

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When taking a break can actually save a relationship

•

The warning signs that “space” may really mean a breakup

•

The question to ask when you’re done living in limbo

You deserve clarity, not emotional purgatory.

If your partner is pulling away and you don’t know what it means for your relationship, book a free consultation with Jennifer. She can help you understand what’s happening, what you want, and whether there’s a path forward.

Xoxo,Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Sequencing.com — Discover what your DNA can reveal about your health with clinical-grade whole genome sequencing that reads 100% of your DNA. Get 10% off with promo code LHS athttp://sequencing.com

•

Ritual — Hormone-free support made for the perimenopause years. Get 25% off your first order at Ritual.com/LHS

Here’s the brutal truth about making friends as an adult: nobody is coming to find you.

You want more friends. You want people who really know you, people you can call, people you actually want to spend time with. You just don’t want to go through the awkward, exhausting process of making them.

And maybe somewhere along the way, you started wondering: Is something wrong with me? Am I too introverted? Too awkward? Too weird?

Nope. But there is an uncomfortable truth: your future best friends probably aren’t going to magically show up at your house. Making friends requires action. The good news? You do not need to become an extrovert, work the room, or reinvent your personality.

I’m joined by psychologist and marriage and family therapist Dr. Suzanne Wallach to unpack why adult friendship has gotten so hard and what actually works when you’re lonely, out of practice, or just really tired.

You’ll learn:

•

Why making friends as an adult feels so freaking hard

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Where adults actually meet people they might want to be friends with

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What to do when you want friends but dread the effort

•

How introverts can build close friendships without pretending to be extroverts

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Why being comfortable alone can actually help you build better relationships

Because you do not need 100 friends. You need a few good ones. And you don’t need to be less weird.

You need to find your specific genre of weirdo.

And if you’re realizing there’s a gap between the social life you have and the one you want, you don’t have to figure out how to close it alone. At Growing Self, our therapists and coaches help people create stronger relationships, build confidence, and make meaningful changes in every area of their lives.

Book your free consultation and get matched with the right expert for you.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

• Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at⁠ shopify.com/lhs⁠
• Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠ ⁠⁠⁠quince.com/lhs⁠⁠
• Sequencing.com — Discover what your DNA can reveal about your health with clinical-grade whole genome sequencing that reads 100% of your DNA. Get 10% off with promo code LHS at ⁠Sequencing.com⁠
• Ritual — Hormone-free support made for the perimenopause years. Get 25% off your first order at Ritual.com/LHS

A bad strategy can trick you into giving up on the right dream. The problem isn’t what you want… it’s how you’re trying to get it.

Turns out, there's a totally different way of planning your life that's going to get you going to get you further faster.

My guest Courtney De Ronde dropped a line in this conversation that stopped me cold:

“We give up on our vision instead of shifting our strategy.”

You may not have the wrong dream. You may just be taking the wrong road to get there.

In this episode, we’re breaking down why smart, motivated people get stuck and how to build a life plan that actually moves you forward.

You’ll learn:

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Why trying harder may actually keep you stuck

•

The difference between your vision and your strategy

•

How to turn a big dream into something you can actually do this week

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Whether you’re a visionary or a doer, and how each gets derailed

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How to know when it’s time to change course instead of giving up

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Why the thing you keep calling a “discipline problem” might actually be a support problem

Courtney's framework moves from a long-term vision to a realistic annual milestone and finally into the days, weeks, and quarters where progress actually happens.

Before you decide the dream isn’t going to happen, make sure you’re not just stuck on the wrong road.

Take the free“What’s Holding You Back?” quiz to figure out where you’re getting stuck. And if you’re ready for support creating a different path forward,schedule a free consultation with a coach at Growing Self.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

• Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs
• Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠
• Sequencing.com — Discover what your DNA can reveal about your health with clinical-grade whole genome sequencing that reads 100% of your DNA. Get 10% off with promo code LHS at http://sequencing.com
• Ritual — Hormone-free support made for the perimenopause years. Get 25% off your first order at Ritual.com/LHS

Whose life is this? You built it. You chose it. So why doesn’t it feel like yours anymore?

Maybe you checked all the boxes. Built the career. Created the relationship. Became the responsible one, the successful one, the person everyone can count on. And then one day you looked around and thought, Wait... is this actually what I want?

That’s the uncomfortable realization at the heart of this episode.

My guest, Growing Self therapist Tania Chikhani, knows it personally. Before 30, she was managing a half-billion-dollar brand and headed toward an executive career. On paper, she was wildly successful. Inside, as she puts it, her “joie de vivre” was gone.

Because sometimes the life you built was designed for an earlier version of you. Or around what your family wanted. What your partner wanted. What you thought you were supposed to want. And eventually, you have to ask: Who am I now?

In this episode, Tania and I are talking about how to find yourself again when you genuinely don’t know what you want next.

You’ll learn:

•

Why the life you wanted can suddenly stop feeling like yours

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How to figure out what you actually like and want

•

Why you can’t always think your way back to yourself

•

How to reconnect with yourself through experimentation and experience

•

Why your blind spots can keep pulling you back into the same patterns

•

A powerful “Perfect Day” exercise to help you see what you really want next

If you’ve been looking around at your own life thinking, How did I get here?, this conversation is for you.

And if you’re ready to figure out who you are now and what comes next, schedule a free consultation with Tania at http://growingself.com/tania.

Xoxo,Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more athttp://skylightcal.com/lhs.

The world is already judging your appearance…but the real danger is when you start judging your worth by it, too.

FYI: This is NOT in your head. The way you look really does affect how people treat you (unfortunately).Research shows that appearance can influence who gets hired, who gets helped, who gets the benefit of the doubt, and even the assumptions people make about you in a split second.But that doesn’t mean that you need to buy into the lies our culture is trying to hand you.

In this eye-opening conversation, I sit down with psychologist and The Problem With Pretty author Dr. Allycin Powell-Hicks to unpack the uncomfortable psychology of beauty, appearance, and self-worth, and, more importantly, how to stop letting the mirror determine how you feel about yourself.

You’ll learn:

•

How your appearance can quietly influence so many shocking aspects of your life

•

The consequences of being seen as “unattractive” (and how to overcome them)

•

How beauty standards get tangled up with your confidence and identity

•

Why tying too much of your self-esteem to your appearance is a dangerous investment

•

How to build a stronger sense of self that isn’t dependent on how you look

Your appearance may influence how the world sees you. It does not have to define your worth.

If you’re ready to build deeper confidence, strengthen your sense of self, and feel more secure in who you are, schedule a free consultation with a Growing Self therapist or coach at http://growingself.com.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more athttp://skylightcal.com/lhs.

What if the resentment you feel toward your partner isn’t actually about what they’re doing wrong…but about what you keep doing?

You do the dishes. You make the bed. You remember everything. You fix problems before anyone asks. And then you quietly think: Why do I have to do everything around here?

Here’s the twist: You may be blaming your partner for resentment that’s actually coming from how much you’ve taken on.

That’s the realization that changed Alyssa Zander’s relationship. After four years of believing her partner needed to change, they broke up, and an unexpected encounter forced her to ask a much harder question: What was my part in this? Today, that same man is her fiancé.

In this conversation, Alyssa and I unpack how over-functioning, unspoken expectations, and trying to manage your partner can quietly create the exact relationship dynamic you’re so angry about.

You’ll learn:

•

Why resentment may be a sign you’ve been doing too much

•

How over-functioning can accidentally reinforce the dynamic you hate

•

Why trying to fix your partner’s moods can push you further apart

•

What to do when you’re thinking, “Why do I have to do everything?”

•

How to ask for what you need instead of expecting your partner to read your mind

Your resentment might not be asking you to try harder. It might be asking you to put something down.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

P.S. If resentment keeps showing up in your relationship and you’re ready to understand what’s really happening (and how to change it), schedule a free consultation with a Growing Self relationship expert at http://growingself.com.

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more athttp://skylightcal.com/lhs.

You can navigate a difficult conversation with your boss, calm down a frustrated friend, and explain exactly how you feel…so why does one sentence from your partner turn you into someone who suddenly can’t communicate at all?

Here’s the bombshell: You might not actually have a communication problem. Because the words aren’t the real problem.

In this episode, I’m joined by Brandy Buckner, M.S., LMFTA, marriage and family therapist at Growing Self, to expose what’s actually happening underneath those impossible conversations: the communication styles you inherited, the attachment reflexes that take over when you feel threatened, and the private story running through your head before you shut down or lash out.

You’ll learn:

•

Why great communicators completely lose each other at home

•

What’s really happening when one person pursues and the other shuts down

•

The hidden feeling underneath anger that changes the entire conversation

•

How to take a timeout without making your partner feel abandoned

•

What to tell yourself when every instinct says, Get me out of here

•

Why waiting for your partner to change keeps you both trapped

Because sometimes the breakthrough isn’t learning what to say. It’s finally understanding what’s happening inside both of you before anyone says a word.

And if you’re tired of having the same fight on repeat, schedule a free consultation with Brandy. She can help you change the pattern. She works with couples at Growing Self to uncover what’s happening beneath the conflict and build a relationship where you can actually hear, understand, and reach each other. Schedule a free consultation with her.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more athttp://skylightcal.com/lhs.

If love makes you suspicious, compliments make you uncomfortable, and happiness makes you wait for something bad to happen…this episode might explain your entire life.

Because what if your insecurity isn’t a personality flaw? What if your brain learned, somewhere along the way, that feeling good about yourself is dangerous?

Psychologist and New York Times bestselling author Dr. Marisa Franco is back with fascinating new science about why insecurity can survive years of therapy, affirmations, self-help, and “working on yourself” (and what can finally begin to change it).

Here’s the mind-bending part: Your memories don’t just record your past. They predict your future. And when your brain expects rejection, humiliation, or abandonment, even love and success can feel threatening.

But those old memories aren’t necessarily fixed. Dr. Franco explains how the science of memory reconsolidation may help change the way the past continues to live inside you.

You'll learn:

•

Why compliments, love, and success can actually make you feel worse

•

Why you can feel deeply insecure even when you can’t explain why

•

How old memories can quietly shape what you expect from yourself and others

•

How memory reconsolidation can begin changing the emotional impact of the past

•

Why affirmations sometimes backfire when you have low self-worth

•

How to recognize when deeper support may be the right next step

If you’ve spent years trying to “love yourself” and wondering why nothing seems to stick, you need to hear this.

You may not need another pep talk. You may finally need to understand what your brain has been trying to protect you from.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

P.S. Ready to stop letting old insecurities run the show? Book a free consultation with a Growing Self clinician and get matched with the right person to help you do this deeper work.

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more athttp://skylightcal.com/lhs

We can all spot controlling people seeking influence over us. But what about our blind spots?

What happens when other people are feeling controlled by us and we don't even realize what we're doing?

Turns out what many of us call “helping” can feel controlling to our partners.

This is not anything to feel bad about or ashamed of. It's just reality. Control issues rarely feel controlling when we’re doing it. They feel like being right. Keeping things on track. Getting your partner to understand. Making sure nothing goes wrong.

In this episode, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby sits down with Seth Bender, M.A., LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship coach at Growing Self, to expose what control issues actually look like — including the ones you may not recognize in yourself.

You’ll learn:

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Why control itself isn’t the problem

•

The hidden reason you need things to go your way

•

How to recognize your personal “rattlesnake rattles” before you react

•

When reassurance quietly becomes control

•

Why trying to control your partner backfires

•

How to stop managing them and start managing yourself

Because sometimes the hardest relationship truth is this:

You may not experience yourself the way your partner experiences you.

And being willing to see that could change everything.

If this hits close to home, Seth can help. He works with individuals and couples to understand these deeper patterns, rebuild emotional safety, and create real change without blame or shame.

Book a free consultation with Seth at http://growingself.com/seth.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more athttp://skylightcal.com/lhs.

You said yes.

You smiled. You went along with it.

And afterward, you thought: Why didn’t I say something?

If you struggle to stand up for yourself, Dr. Sunita Sah has a surprising message for you: You do not need to become louder, tougher, or more confrontational.

Defiance is a skill. And you can practice it.

In this episode, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and Cornell professor and DEFY author Dr. Sunita Sah reveal how to stop automatically complying and start acting in alignment with what you actually believe.

In this episode you’ll learn:

•

Why staying silent can cost you more than speaking up

•

The 3-question “Defiance Compass” for deciding when to act

•

Why surprise makes it so hard to stand up for yourself

•

The difference between compliance and a true yes

•

How to practice speaking up before the pressure is on

•

When “standing up for yourself” actually becomes false defiance

You don’t need a bigger personality.

You need to know what matters to you — and what you’re going to do when it matters.

Ready to stop saying yes when you mean no? Let’s get into it.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

⁠Growing Self⁠

PS: As you heard in this conversation, being able to know how you feel and set healthy boundaries with others has roots that go deep. We all have work to do around this. If you'd like to dig into this with an expert coaching therapist who can help you make these changes, get in touch. It all starts with a free conversation.

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free athttp://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more athttp://skylightcal.com/lhs

Your workplace feels wrong. But do you actually know what you’re dealing with?

If you've been calling your job a hostile work environment, stop…because that phrase carries more weight than you might realize. It's a term with a specific meaning, and the words you use can change what happens next.

Because “hostile” and “toxic” do not mean the same thing. One is a description. The other can raise a legal red flag. I didn't know the distinction either until my guest, clinical psychologist and organizational consultant Dr. Jennifer Wisdom, stopped me mid-conversation and explained it.

And that wasn't the only moment that made me sit up straighter.

HR is not actually there to protect you.

If your workplace is making you miserable, you may feel like you have two choices: put up with it or quit. But there is an enormous middle ground between those two options, and you may have far more power than you realize.

Listen to learn:

•

The critical difference between a toxic and hostile work environment

•

The 3 questions to ask when something at work feels seriously wrong

•

What you need to understand about HR before asking for help

•

How to recognize when workplace behavior may be crossing a legal line

•

What you can do when quitting isn’t an option

•

How to create change, even when you’re not in charge

This isn't just a conversation about surviving a bad workplace. It's about what you can actually do about it.

By the end, you'll have concrete moves you can start making Monday morning. No new title, no permission, and no resignation letter required.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at http://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at http://skylightcal.com/lhs.

You love them. So why can’t you shake the feeling that something might be wrong?

Nothing is bad enough to leave. There’s no glaring red flag. You’re happy… mostly. But when you imagine getting engaged, moving in together, having a baby, or saying this is my person forever, something inside you hesitates.

Do NOT ignore that feeling. But don’t assume it means you should break up, either.

In this episode, I’m sitting down with marriage and family therapist Dr. Benjamin Jones about the yellow, orange, and even beige flags that can leave you questioning your future together…and how to figure out what they actually mean.

Dr. Ben offers a reframe that changes everything: Stop waiting for certainty. Start looking for confidence.

You’ll learn:

•

How to tell a solvable problem from a real deal breaker

•

Why you should never marry someone expecting them to change

•

The question to ask when you love someone but still aren’t sure

•

Why confidence matters more than certainty

•

Which relationship problems can actually get better with the right support

•

Why waiting until after you’re engaged to ask the hard questions may be too late

If you’re questioning whether this is really your person, listen to this episode before you make your next move.

And if you want help figuring it out, book a free consultation with Dr. Ben at http://growingself.com/ben.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at http://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at http://skylightcal.com/lhs.

The feeling you can’t shake isn’t going away. And there’s a reason.

The regret that keeps coming back. The boredom you feel in a life you actually love. The shame that whispers something terrible about you.

Your instinct might be to fix it. Get over it. Make it stop.

I want you to try something very different.

In this episode, I’m talking with psychotherapist Daniel Smith, author of Hard Feelings, about the emotions most of us would happily delete from our lives, and why getting rid of them might be exactly the wrong goal.

This conversation surprised me. Daniel says some things most people would never admit out loud. We get into regret, boredom, shame, anger, relationships, and the uncomfortable question that can completely change the way you understand what you’re feeling.

You’ll learn:

•

Why some feelings keep coming back no matter how hard you try to move on

•

The surprising connection between boredom and the things you love most

•

What may really be hiding underneath an old regret

•

Why shame deserves to be questioned, not automatically believed

•

When a dark emotion deserves your attention (and when you need to push back)

•

The one question I want you to ask the next time a hard feeling shows up

Because sometimes the feeling you’re trying hardest to escape is the one you need to understand.

And once you hear what it has to say, you might see your life very differently.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Growing Self

Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast:

•

Shopify — Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at http://shopify.com/lhs

•

Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at⁠quince.com/lhs⁠

•

Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at http://skylightcal.com/lhs.