LOVERS by Shan

Dr. Keeonna Harris was 14 when she got pregnant, and before her son turned one, his father, Jason Espinoza, was starting a 22-year prison sentence. For the next two decades she drove up and down California so her kids would know their dad, the story at the center of her memoir Mainline Mama. Jason came home after 20 years and now works inside prisons as a counselor with the Amity Foundation. Jeremiah Chin (now Keeonna's husband and a law professor at the University of Washington) came into her life as her marriage to Jason was ending, and the two men met in person for the first time at Zion's baseball game.

That game is the spine of this conversation, told from all three seats on the couch. Jason admits he showed up with no tools for anything but a fight. Keeonna walks away from one she once would have won and realizes her absence lands harder than her anger. Jeremiah decides he'd rather be the bridge between them than the wall.

This one is for anyone co-parenting across an old love. It's also for anyone whose family looks nothing like what they imagined, and who is still deciding what it can become.

Get 50% off with code “Boody” and unlock deeper pleasure with a roadmap designed just for you. It takes less than 5 minutes, and it comes with a 30-day money-back guarantee. Head tohttps://beducate.me/lovers to get started.

Follow Keeonna Harris

Instagram: http://instagram.com/keeonnachin

X: http://twitter.com/keeonnaharris

Get Mainline Mama: https://bookshop.org/p/books/mainline-mama-a-memoir-keeonna-harris/887456c5216b2c53

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Tony Gaskins got his start because a friend told him he was the biggest player she'd ever known. Today he tells millions of women to wait until marriage, and he's upfront that the message comes straight out of a life he wouldn't repeat.

What actually protects people when it comes to sex: rules or education? Tony makes the case that most people are never taught how to vet a partner, so waiting is the safest bet. Shan makes the case for freedom with information, because fear-based sex ed has never worked, and once you're informed you get to choose your own way instead of being handed the way.

You'll hear what risk-informed consent means and the one thing they both land on underneath the disagreement: most of us never got a real conversation about sex and that is dangerous.

Grab my free guide, A Guide to the Sexual Journey As We Grow, for an age-by-age look at common sexual behaviors from birth to 18 (and a story from the LOVERS community that stuck with me):https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/normal-sexual-development-from-0-18

Follow Tony Gaskins

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonygaskins/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TonyGaskins

Website: https://tonygaskins.comThe Destiny App: https://thedestinyapp.com

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get free Lovers Letters from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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Sabrina Zohar has built a career helping people see the patterns they learned before they could name them, and in this conversation she turns that lens on her own twenties.

At 24, she met a 36-year-old man three blocks from her apartment who opened her up sexually in ways nobody had before. It was also where she learned what self-abandonment looks like: saying yes to things (including his one condition for a relationship) because she liked him. She tells Shan about the trench coat in the rain story, and the night her mom said "this isn't you." Then she gets to the first date with her partner Ryan, when she told him she'd rather never hear from him again than be kept casual.

Thanks to Article for sponsoring this podcast! Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit http://article.com/LOVERS and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout.

Follow Sabrina

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/sabrina.zohar/

TikTok → https://www.tiktok.com/@sabrina.zohar

YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSKQduzS78E6-I9tx0jqjpw

The Sabrina Zohar Show → https://www.instagram.com/thesabrinazoharshow/

Why Am I Like This? → https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/authors/2335639/sabrina-zohar

Website → https://sabrinazohar.com

Want more LOVERS?

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Join the LOVERS Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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Shaun Ross was the first professional male model with albinism, and in this conversation he tells Shan about the breakup he refuses to call a breakup, because he was never in the room for it. Two hours into an 11-hour flight home from Europe, he watched his partner leave on the home camera, and he later learned that plenty of people had known how his partner felt (everyone except him). Shan explains why the person who leaves has often finished grieving long before the other person finds out.

Follow Shaun

Instagram →https://www.instagram.com/shaunross/

TikTok →https://www.tiktok.com/@shaunross

YouTube →https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChwiHoKUsczyGJYmUOAV8Hw

Want more Lover?

Receive the weekly Love Letter →http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

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Explore quizzes and worksheets →http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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I'm answering your comments on Via G's episode.

Via G is a New Orleans creator (yes, the baby bangs) who spent her twenties moving from one 18-month relationship to the next, and the last one looked perfect on paper: he cooked, he could match her financially, and he carried the fatherly energy of a man who already knew how everything should be done. Her body figured it out before she did. Her cycle unraveled over the year they were together, and not long after she ended it (20 minutes and six seconds, start to finish) her hormone test came back with perfect scores.

Via walks Shan through the slow disappearing act in between (the gray sweatpants, the running commentary on how she cut onions, a moment of coercion she didn't have language for until a friend named it), and then the year of saying yes to herself that followed: cutting her own bangs on camera, walking into pool parties alone to make girlfriends, and buying the Bronco she'd been talked out of. Shan offers a frame for why "daddy knows best" can feel like love when you grew up without one.

This one is for anyone who has shrunk to fit someone and is ready to be loud again.

Follow Via G

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mylifeasvia/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@_mylifeasvia_

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MyLifeAsVia

X: https://x.com/mylifeasvia

All links: https://link.me/mylifeasvia

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get free Lovers Letters from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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Via G is a New Orleans creator (yes, the baby bangs) who spent her twenties moving from one 18-month relationship to the next, and the last one looked perfect on paper: he cooked, he could match her financially, and he carried the fatherly energy of a man who already knew how everything should be done. Her body figured it out before she did. Her cycle unraveled over the year they were together, and not long after she ended it (20 minutes and six seconds, start to finish) her hormone test came back with perfect scores.

Via walks Shan through the slow disappearing act in between (the gray sweatpants, the running commentary on how she cut onions, a moment of coercion she didn't have language for until a friend named it), and then the year of saying yes to herself that followed: cutting her own bangs on camera, walking into pool parties alone to make girlfriends, and buying the Bronco she'd been talked out of. Shan offers a frame for why "daddy knows best" can feel like love when you grew up without one.

This one is for anyone who has shrunk to fit someone and is ready to be loud again.

_______

Showing some love to the sponsor of this episode Hollyood Ending. It is the book everyone will be talking about this fall. Buy Hollywood, Ending now wherever books are sold.

Big shoutout to the sponsor of this episode Beducated. Unlock deeper pleasure with a roadmap designed for you — all it takes is 5 minutes. Go to https://beduc.at/bg2640-boody to learn more!

Ready to reach your goals? Visit forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

Follow Via G

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mylifeasvia/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@_mylifeasvia_

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MyLifeAsVia

X: https://x.com/mylifeasvia

All links: https://link.me/mylifeasvia

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get free Lovers Letters from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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I'm answering your comments on Kendrick Sampson choosing freedom over romance, and you did not agree. When Kendrick Sampson (the actor you know from Insecure and How to Get Away with Murder, and the activist behind BLD PWR) sat down with me and said he cares about freedom more than romance, I had a feeling some of you would feel seen and some of you would feel personally called out, and the comments landed right down the middle. [One side heard someone finally say out loud that romantic love is only one kind of love worth building a life around, while the other side heard something that felt like permission to never fully choose anyone. CONFIRM against actual comments.] In this first episode of If It Don't Apply, Let It Fly, I'm reading the comments that split you and responding to them honestly, [including the ones that shifted how I think about the conversation and the ones I'm holding my ground on. CONFIRM against what Shan actually says]. If you walked away from Kendrick's episode feeling defensive, inspired, or stuck somewhere uncomfortable in between, this is for you, because the disagreement is where the real conversation was happening. Follow Kendrick Sampson Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kendrick38 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kendrick BLD PWR: https://bldpwr.com Want more LOVERS? Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes ________________________ Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.com

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Kendrick Sampson (founder of the racial justice nonprofit BLD PWR, actor best known as Nathan in Insecure and Quincy Jones in Michael Jackson's biopic) sits down with Shan to talk about loving widely.

Kendrick grew up in a house where nobody said "I love you" after his parents divorced, so love turned into something you did instead of something you said. Love is choosing someone else's needs over your own wants. It's why he has no plan for a romantic relationship, why he separates sex, pleasure, and love into three completely different things, and why he'll tell you flat out that romantic love is actually the smallest, most narrow kind there is.

His 25 nieces and nephews come first. If he ever has kids, he wants to raise them with a homegirl, no romance required, because the village already exists. This is a conversation about what happens when you stop assuming a partner is the endpoint, and start asking who you're actually accountable to.

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Showing some love to the sponsor of this episode Hollyood Ending. It is the book everyone will be talking about this fall. Buy Hollywood, Ending now wherever books are sold.

Ready to reach your goals? Visit http://forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

Follow Kendrick Sampson

Instagram:http://instagram.com/kendrick38

Follow BLD PWR

Instagram:http://instagram.com/bldpwrYouTube: http://youtube.com/@buildpowertv

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on

Instagram →http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get a Lovers Letters from Shan →http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community →https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets →http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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Every couple of years, after a stretch that tested us, Jared and I climb onto the roof in the same outfit and talk honestly about what it did to our relationship. We did it in 2022 and again in 2024, and the second time a lot of people watched two exhausted parents be imperfect and decided that was the verdict on the whole thing. We're doing it anyway, because the hard years reach your love life whether you film it or not.

This summer the kids were home for six weeks, the business didn't pause, several of my longest relationships shifted at once, and somewhere in there we had our worst argument in six years. It looked like it was about one day. It was actually about neither of us having the room to feel anything, and what happens when one person finally does. Jared explains why he didn't come over and hold me (an honest answer, not a flattering one), I explain why a voucher I printed him for exactly this moment stayed in his closet, and we get into how sex has changed as the kids have gotten older, including the 25-minute challenge he almost survived.

This is a conversation about staying kind to the person closest to you when you have nothing left. If you've ever been graded on your worst week, this one is for you.

_________

Thanks to Article for sponsoring this podcast! Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit http://article.com/LOVERS and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout.

My pickiest eaters have no complaints on this one! Explore my Hungryroot Digital Cookbook "Recipes My Kids Will Actually Finish (No Bribery Required)." at https://hungryroot.com/LOVERS

Ready to reach your goals? Visit http://forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

Stay hydrated every single day with Ultima Replenisher: Head tohttps://ultima.yt.link/cIC3aOP and use the code LOVERSBYSHAN20 for 20% off your order!

_______

Follow Jared Brady

Instagram: http://instagram.com/enjoyjaredbrady

YouTube: youtube.com/@enjoyovereverything

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan

Instagram →http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan →http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community →https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets →http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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Brandi and Lawrence aren't a couple. He's a gay man, she's a lesbian, and they were best friends first, until they decided, in their twenties, to build a family together on purpose, with a legal parental agreement in place before they ever tried to conceive.

They walk Shan through what that intentionality actually looked like. But underneath the logistics is the part nobody warned either of them about, the isolation Lawrence carried as the only man in his friend group building a family this way, and the year their living situation and their respective romantic relationships pulled the friendship apart so hard that Brandi had to tell Lawrence something she still calls one of the biggest heartbreaks of her life: that she could stay his co-parent, but she couldn't stay his friend.

____________

Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://www.forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership athttps://www.masterclass.com/lovers

Follow Parental Agreement

Resource → https://u42luyhpb6f.typeform.com/agreement

Website → http://theparentalagreement.com/

Follow Lawrence

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/lawrenceccarroll/

Majestic Art Gallery → https://majesticartgallery.org/

Donate to LA Pride →https://lapride.org/donate-to-la-pride/

Follow Brandi

Instagram →https://www.instagram.com/brandijandrews/?hl=en%EF%BF%BCYouthhttps://www.instagram.com/brandijandrews/?hl=en

Youth Dealer, skincare for melanated people →https://www.instagram.com/youthdealerco/?hl=en

Want more Lover?

Receive my Lovers Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore quizzes and worksheets →http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman have followed 3,000 couples, some of them for twenty years, second by second, and in this conversation Shan brings them something that research was never designed to answer: what happens to a generation that has decided love isn't available to them, and has built community around that belief instead?

Julie's answer is that those groups are writing each other a prescription for how to stay alone, and she says it with a tenderness that's hard to argue with. From there the three of them get into why criticism sabotages the exact thing you were trying to be heard about, why listening to a woman's anger is one of the strongest predictors of a relationship improving over time, and what John pulls out of his back pocket every time Julie says the four most terrifying words in the English language.

This one is for anyone who has started to suspect that being right about dating and being loved are not the same project.

____________

Ready to reach your goals? Visit https://www.forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any MasterClass annual membership athttps://www.masterclass.com/lovers

____________

Follow The Gottmans

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gottmaninstitute

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/thegottmaninstitute

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thegottmaninstitute

The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com

Courses and Books: https://www.gottman.com/shop/

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram → http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

________________________

Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.com

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Kamie Crawford (former co-host of MTV's Catfish: The TV Show, now host of Relationsht*) sits down with Shan to unpack what actually keeps a catfishing scheme alive long after the story stops adding up.

The conversation centers on Troi, who spent years believing he was in an email and phone relationship with a woman named Belly. His brother's boo, Tatiana, introduced him to her sister, Belly. Then came the car accident. Belly lost her memory entirely, Troi included. When the call finally came, it wasn't from Belly. It was Tatiana, breathless, saying Belly finally remembered him.

Troi thought that was the end of the strange part, but it wasn't. Months later, his brother's choir competition landed in Orlando on the one day that mattered most to Troi: his own birthday. Tatiana and her sisters were finally coming to meet him in person. Years of phone calls and near-misses, about to become an IRL meetup. But you know how this goes by now...

They never showed. What arrived instead was a video, of someone filming him from the crowd, sent as proof they'd been there all along. No Belly. No Tatiana. What happens after is even more shocking.

That's the story I sat down with Kamie Crawford to unpack this week: not just how a lie like this gets built, but who is behind those lies and the psychology behind why.

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A huge thank you to Article for sponsoring this podcast! Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit http://article.com/LOVERS and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout.

A personal fave, OneSkin! Get 15% off OneSkin with the code LOVERSBYSHAN at https://www.oneskin.co/LOVERSBYSHAN #oneskinpod

My pickiest eaters have no complaints on this one! Explore my Hungryroot Digital Cookbook "Recipes My Kids Will Actually Finish (No Bribery Required)." at https://hungryroot.com/LOVERS

Special shoutout to Beducated! Unlock deeper pleasure with a roadmap designed for you! All it takes is 5 minutes. Go to https://beduc.at/bg2635-boody to learn more!

Thanks to For Hers. Ready to reach your goals? Visit http://forhers.com/shan to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

Stay hydrated every single day with Ultima Replenisher: Head to ⁠https://ultima.yt.link/aNAX4cg⁠ and use the code LOVERSBYSHAN20 for 20% off your order!

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Follow Kamie CrawfordInstagram → https://www.instagram.com/kamiecrawford/Watch her podcast Relationshipshit → https://www.youtube.com/@relationshitpodWebsite → https://www.kamiecrawford.com/

Follow Troi Breeze

Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/troibreeze/

Stream his music → https://lnk.to/themotion

Website → https://troibreeze.com/

Want more Lover?

Receive the weekly Love Letter → http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the Lovers Community → https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore quizzes and worksheets → http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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In this deeply personal episode presented by Bumble, singer Mario opens up about the profound impact of unresolved trauma stemming from his relationship with his mother. He shares how this pain shaped his early behavior towards women, leading to manipulation and broken connections. Mario takes us on his journey of self-reflection, healing, and ultimately embracing his inner feminine energy, a process that not only reshaped his relationships but also elevated his personal growth and artistry.

As Mario gets real about accountability, self-love, and the power of healing, he also introduces us to his latest album, "Glad You Came", a soulful and vulnerable collection of music inspired by his life experiences and growth. Tune in for an honest, thought-provoking conversation that dives into the intersections of trauma, love, and creativity.

Follow Mario

Instagram →https://www.instagram.com/marioworldwide/

Live Tour Dates →https://www.vipnation.com/tour/the-r-b-tour-mario

Stream Mood Swings EP →https://music.empi.re/moodswingsmario

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram →http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get a free Love Letter from Shan →http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the LOVERS Community →https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets →http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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We've been on a short break the past two weeks, so we're revisiting one of our favorites: Lena Waithe on why she won't have sex with someone unless she can already picture what happens after, and why some of her deepest connections have never been physical at all. New episodes of LOVERS are back August 19.

In this episode of LOVERS, I sit down with Emmy-winning writer, producer, and actress Lena Waithe (Queen & Slim, Master of None, The Chi) for an eye-opening conversation about intimacy, love, and meaningful connections. Lena shares why you should never have sex with someone unless you can imagine a positive aftermath for both of you. She dives into how cuddling can create a deeper emotional bond than sex, especially when the future of a relationship feels uncertain. Lena also opens up about the power of plutonic relationships, revealing why some of her most impactful connections today are non-romantic. With all of the rumors about her love life, Lena sets the record straight and shares what truly matters to her in building authentic connections. This episode will challenge your views on love, intimacy, and boundaries in ways you won’t want to miss!

Thank you Lena!

https://www.instagram.com/lenawaithe/

Legacy Talk Podcast

https://lemonada.lnk.to/LegacyTalkWithLenaWaithehs

Want more LOVERS?Follow Shan on Instagram →http://instagram.com/shanboodramGet a free Love Letter from Shan →http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the LOVERS Community →https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets →http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're on a short break the next two weeks, so we're revisiting one of our favorites: Cree Summer on losing (and finding again) her sex drive after 50, and why emotional safety made all the difference. New episodes of LOVERS are back August 19.

In this episode, I sit down with the legendary Cree Summer to talk about her journey through love, loss, and rediscovery in her 50s. Cree opens up about losing her sex drive during her marriage due to a lack of emotional shelter and the importance of finding a partner who provides safety and calm during life's storms. We also dive into how her sex drive has improved post-menopause and what she's looking forward to as she explores love again in her senior years.

This episode originally aired on April 30th, 2025.

Follow Cree:

http://instagram.com/iamcreesummer

http://x.com/iamcreesummer

Want more LOVERS?Follow Shan on Instagram →http://instagram.com/shanboodramGet a free Love Letter from Shan →http://loversbyshan.com/newsletterJoin the LOVERS Community →https://www.loversbyshan.com/communityExplore free quizzes + worksheets →http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

Advertising & Other Inquiries: team@loversbyshan.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://megaphone.fm/adchoices

#AD This episode is sponsored by Daré Bioscience. DARE to PLAY™ Sildenafil Cream is a compounded drug. It is not FDA-approved. This product has not been reviewed by FDA for safety or efficacy. It is manufactured in a 503B outsourcing facility under pharmaceutical Good Manufacturing Practices (GMP).

Shan sits down with four women to talk about the low libido nobody prepares you for: the 26-year-old who kept saying "I'm supposed to be in my prime" and quietly decided she was broken, the married woman delighting in her season of stillness, and Shan's own reframe that low libido is only a dysfunction if it comes with an F word (frustrating). Then Sabrina Martucci Johnson, founder and CEO of Daré Bioscience, explains what actually happens in the body when desire and arousal stop cooperating, and why women were told for almost 30 years it was all in their heads.

Follow Sabrina Martucci Johnson

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sabrina-martucci-johnson/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sabrinadareceo

Follow Daré Bioscience

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/dare-bioscience

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/darebioscience/

—-

Learn more about DARE to PLAY™

https://daretoplaybio.com/

Unlock deeper pleasure with a roadmap designed for you — all it takes is 5 minutes. Go to https://beduc.at/bg2631-boody to learn more!

Follow Indigo MateoInstagram:http://instagram.com/indigomateoMusic:http://www.indigomateo.com/

Follow Jamille McClendonInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thahealingfactor

Follow Saraijah BarnesInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/Rai.destinei Follow Brittany Johnsonhttp://instagram.com/brittbekountry

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram →http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get a free Love Letter from Shan →http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

Join the LOVERS Community →https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Explore free quizzes + worksheets →http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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Naomi Sharon is an R&B singer-songwriter, the first woman signed to Drake's OVO Sound label, and the voice behind Obsidian — an album she wrote, she says, while stuck in a loop she didn't yet have a name for. Her new single is "No Sleep in Paradise," and it turns out to be a more accurate self-portrait than she realized when she wrote it.

This conversation starts with that song title and follows it somewhere much harder. Naomi opens up about ROCD (Relationship OCD) — a form of OCD rooted, for her, in her parents' divorce at 12, the lie she found out about, and the trust that cracked in a way that never fully sealed. She describes what it actually does inside a relationship: the reassurance-seeking that exhausts even a loving partner, the rumination that colonizes every quiet moment, the specific experience of standing onstage mid-performance and suddenly being flooded with thoughts about whether he still loves her. And then the harder question underneath all of it — whether what she's feeling is her intuition or her fear, and what it costs not to be able to tell the difference.

This one is for anyone who has ever been told to just let it go and discovered that wasn't something they could do.

Want to learn more about OCD?

International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) →⁠ https://iocdf.org/⁠

Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) →⁠ https://adaa.org/⁠

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) →⁠ https://www.nami.org/⁠

Mental Health America (MHA) →⁠ https://mhanational.org/⁠

Follow Naomi Sharon

Instagram:⁠ https://www.instagram.com/naomisharon⁠

YouTube:⁠ https://www.youtube.com/@naomisharonmusic⁠

TikTok:⁠ https://www.tiktok.com/@naomisharon⁠

No Sleep in Paradise:⁠ https://ovo-naomisharon.ffm.to/nsip⁠

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Tanerélle is a singer-songwriter whose voice sits somewhere between neo-soul and quiet revelation, with singles like feels like love and Nothing Without You building a devoted audience around the specific ache of loving someone more than they love you back. In this episode, she and Shan trace the song feels like love from its origin — a late-night phone call with an ex that felt like home until Tanerélle realized she was the only one feeling it — through the larger question of what it means to be someone's muse instead of their person, and why those two things can feel identical from the inside until they don't.

They also talk about what OCD and rumination actually do inside a relationship when safety isn't there, the slow way gender roles and social conditioning closed the door on the free version of herself she showed up as early on, and the specific kind of loneliness that comes from being the one who always reaches out first. This one is for anyone who has ever loved out loud in a situation that didn't love them back the same way and wondered whether that still counted as real.

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Thanks to Stasis for sponsoring this video. Hold your stimulant to a higher standard — go to ⁠https://yt.link/K1ZEZNN⁠ and use code LOVERS for 15% off your first order.

I'm sharing this in my personal capacity. Always speak with your own healthcare provider about what's right for you. #ad #StasisPartner

*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

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Follow Tanerélle

Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/tanerelle

YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxqYnbQ6uCZhsanm43Jk6zA

TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@tanerelle

Feels like love:https://open.spotify.com/track/6N5i4aUjLphRd77qlkpqdO

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram →http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan →http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

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There are three forms of intimacy every relationship runs on — and most couples only know two of them. Emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, and the one nobody has named yet: social intimacy, which is the degree to which your partner actively represents, claims, and advocates for you in the rooms and relationships that matter. Not just privately, when it's easy, but publicly, when it costs something.

This episode is Shan and Jared Brady sitting down to have that conversation for real — because as a public-figure couple in an open relationship where the woman is the financial lead, social intimacy isn't abstract for them, it's load-bearing. They work through what it actually looks like when your partner stops bringing you up, why that quietly erodes a relationship from the outside in, and what the research says about how much your partner's behavior in public spaces shapes your career, your network, and your sense of self.

If you've ever felt invisible in someone else's life while being completely loved in theirs, this one is for you.

Access our interactive social intimacy worksheet: https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/social-intimacy-check-in-relationship-worksheet

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Follow Shan on Instagram →http://instagram.com/shanboodram

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Explore free quizzes + worksheets →http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

Want More Jared https://www.instagram.com/enjoyjaredbradyhttps://www.youtube.com/channel/UClhYIBYFJZpdth_C8hOoy5Q

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Ericka Hart (she/they) is a sex educator, author, and breast cancer survivor who has spent their career arguing that pleasure isn't a luxury — it's a right that's been systematically withheld from Black, brown, queer, and disabled bodies.

In this conversation, Erica and Shan trace the throughline from childhood activism that was never a choice, to being expelled from Peace Corps for loving who they loved, to the night they disclosed a double mastectomy mid-hookup and got the response that became their whole love story: "titties, I don't care." They talk about going topless at Afropunk and getting turned into "inspiration porn" instead of being seen as desirable, and about the gap between the two: being praised for surviving versus being wanted for who you actually are.

Erica shares what it actually means to write a book, Nasty Work, for the most marginalized people, because when you center the people the world has held least, everybody gets to see themselves.

This is a conversation about reclaiming a body the world has always tried to act on instead of let you inhabit, and what it costs, and what it feels like, to do that work on your own terms, even when it's still in progress.

Follow Ericka Hart

Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/ihartericka/

TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@ihartericka1Website:https://ihartericka.com/https://www.tiktok.com/@ihartericka1

Book: Nasty Work: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/238226976-nasty-work

Listen to Hoodrat to Headwrap (with Ebony Donnley): https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/hoodrat-to-headwrap-a-decolonized-podcast/id1279429651

Want more LOVERS?

Follow Shan on Instagram →http://instagram.com/shanboodram

Get a free weekly Love Letter from Shan →http://loversbyshan.com/newsletter

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Explore free quizzes + worksheets →http://loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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