Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships

Today we're talking about missing past relationships and partners, even if they hurt you or weren't good experiences. Most advice just says to get over it, but we're going to spend some time on why you miss these people and how wanting someone and enjoying someone run on different parts of the brain, and only one of them gets the memo that they were bad for you.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Today’s episode is sponsored by Bellesa Boutique! Sign up to win a free WhisperVibe™ or free Rose toy with any Whisper™ order! http://bbvibes.com/Multiamory

Go to DIPSEASTORIES.com/MULTI for your first week FREE - then 25% off. That’s D-I-P-S-E-A STORIES DOT COM slash MULTI.

Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

This week we're excited to welcome back Kim Tallbear to the show to talk about polyamory as a political movement. Kim TallBear (Sisseton-Wahpeton Oyate citizen) is Professor of American Indian Studies at the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities. She is the author of Native American DNA: Tribal Belonging and the False Promise of Genetic Science. In addition to studying genome science disruptions to Indigenous self-definitions, Dr. TallBear studies colonial disruptions to Indigenous sexual relations. She is also a regular media commentator on topics including Indigenous peoples, science, and technology; Indigenous sexualities; and the politics of non-monogamy. You can also follow her Substack newsletter, Unsettle: Indigenous affairs, cultural politics & (de)colonization.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Today’s episode is sponsored by Bellesa Boutique! Sign up to win a free WhisperVibe™ or free Rose toy with any Whisper™ order! http://bbvibes.com/Multiamory

If you want to boost your confidence, land a new role, or win a promotion, check out https://thorholt.com, and on LinkedIn by searching Thor Holt.

Quality lube is essential for good sexual experiences. Try our absolute favorite, ⁠Uberlube⁠ and get 10% off plus free shipping with promo code MULTIAMORY

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

We're discussing hinge partners this episode, specifically what to do when a hinge partner is struggling at being a good hinge. We've got some updated research to go over since our last episode about hinges, and we'll have some actionable ways to deal with the frustration of a bad hinge.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

EVERYONE who signs up to our giveaway will receive a FREE Rose suction toy with their @bellesaco order! https://bbvibes.com/multiamory #bbpartner

If you want to boost your confidence, land a new role, or win a promotion, check out https://thorholt.com, and on LinkedIn by searching Thor Holt.

Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

We're tackling another listener question this episode, this time about marriage. What happens when multiple people want to marry you?

If you want one of your questions answered on a future Q&A episode, consider joining our Supercast community!

Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

Quality lube is essential for good sexual experiences. Try our absolute favorite, ⁠Uberlube⁠ and get 10% off plus free shipping with promo code MULTIAMORY

If you want to boost your confidence, land a new role, or win a promotion, check out https://thorholt.com, and on LinkedIn by searching Thor Holt.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

OPEN's 2026 non-monogamy community survey is officially live, and we want you to be part of it!

Add your voice here: http://multiamory.com/survey

Last year's survey was the largest research study of the non-monogamous community ever, with over 5,800 people from 65 countries. Multiamory listeners were one of the biggest source of responses. Let's do it again!

OPEN is the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

This week we're diving into over-functioning in relationships and how it can actually work against us. We'll be discussing some of the research available about group projects, how anxiety affects negotiation, and how accurately (or inaccurately) we tend to estimate our own contributions to a relationship.
As always, we'll go over some tips and tricks at the end to improve your relationships and work-life balance!

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Go to DIPSEASTORIES.com/MULTI for your first week FREE - then 25% off. That’s D-I-P-S-E-A STORIES DOT COM slash MULTI.

If you want to boost your confidence, land a new role, or win a promotion, check out https://thorholt.com, and on LinkedIn by searching Thor Holt.

Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

We're excited to welcome Patrick Bex to the show this week to talk about asexuality and aromanticism! Patrick is an aroace advocate, content creator, and author best known for his Fluently Aspec social media platforms that educate about aromantic and asexual experiences.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

Try out Attuned, an intimacy app built for all relationship structures. Take a science-backed intimacy survey, discover how your profiles align, and explore personalized activities together. Couples, throuples, and configurations up to 6 people — all orientations, all genders. Download free at ⁠getattuned.app⁠ and use code MULTI for 20% off premium.

Quality lube is essential for good sexual experiences. Try our absolute favorite, ⁠Uberlube⁠ and get 10% off plus free shipping with promo code MULTIAMORY

EVERYONE who signs up to our giveaway will receive a FREE Rose suction toy with their @bellesaco order! https://bbvibes.com/multiamory #bbpartner

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

Today we're diving into the world of OCD, specifically relationship OCD, with Sheva Rajaee.

Sheva is a licensed marriage and family therapist, director of The Center for Anxiety and OCD, and the author of the book Relationship OCD. She is globally recognized for her work treating and addressing chronic doubt, commitment phobia, and anxiety in romantic relationships.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

EVERYONE who signs up to our giveaway will receive a FREE Rose suction toy with their @bellesaco order! https://bbvibes.com/multiamory #bbpartner

Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

We've got another Q&A episode this week, and this time we're answering two listener questions about sexual health and STI protocol among non-monogamous partners!

Generally speaking, non-monogamous folks have better communication around safer sex and STI risk, but sometimes communication breakdowns happen and that's what we're covering today!

Visit www.multiamory.com/join to become part of our exclusive community if you want your question answered on a future Q&A episode!

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

EVERYONE who signs up to our giveaway will receive a FREE Rose suction toy with their @bellesaco order! https://bbvibes.com/multiamory #bbpartner

Quality lube is essential for good sexual experiences. Try our absolute favorite, ⁠Uberlube⁠ and get 10% off plus free shipping with promo code MULTIAMORY

Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

Today we're diving into the internet's favorite genre of relationship advice: open up your relationship in X easy steps! We spent time gathering advice and tips from journalists, therapists, forums, coaches, and Reddit to try to gather some common knowledge and put it together into our own version of a guide to open up a relationship.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

EVERYONE who signs up to our giveaway will receive a FREE Rose suction toy with their @bellesaco order! https://bbvibes.com/multiamory #bbpartner

Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

Quality lube is essential for good sexual experiences. Try our absolute favorite, ⁠Uberlube⁠ and get 10% off plus free shipping with promo code MULTIAMORY

Go to DIPSEASTORIES.com/MULTI for your first week FREE - then 25% off. That’s D-I-P-S-E-A STORIES DOT COM slash MULTI.

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

Hey everyone, we’re taking this week off!

Here's where you can find us (or a version of us) while we're away:

Hang out in our private Discord community → multiamory.com/join

Join Dedeker on retreat in Italy → multiamory.com/retreat

Work with Emily — she has a few open slots for coaching clients right now. Reach out to grab one at multiamory.link/emcoaching

We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you soon!

Today we're diving into the science of flirting! Nowadays, flirting feels harder than it used to be, and we're going to be bringing some of the research to light about why that is. Flirting isn't a lost art, it's actually an invisible one - we only pick up on someone flirting with us about 28% of the time. We're going to discuss what a "no" looks like, why mirroring and the concept of a gaydar doesn't actually hold up, and what actually DOES help, according to the research.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Try out Attuned, an intimacy app built for all relationship structures. Take a science-backed intimacy survey, discover how your profiles align, and explore personalized activities together. Couples, throuples, and configurations up to 6 people — all orientations, all genders. Download free at ⁠getattuned.app⁠ and use code MULTI for 20% off premium.

EVERYONE who signs up to our giveaway will receive a FREE Rose suction toy with their @bellesaco order! https://bbvibes.com/multiamory #bbpartner

Quality lube is essential for good sexual experiences. Try our absolute favorite, ⁠Uberlube⁠ and get 10% off plus free shipping with promo code MULTIAMORY

Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

Today we're tackling another listener question about intimacy that doesn't involve sex. Whether it's a physical reason or just a desire to be intimate without having sex, we all want to connect this way sometimes. We're going to talk about some techniques from sex therapy, the science of great sex, and why non-sexual touch can be so beneficial.

If you want to have one of your questions answered on a future Q&A episode, consider joining our Supercast community!

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

EVERYONE who signs up to our giveaway will receive a FREE Rose suction toy with their @bellesaco order! https://bbvibes.com/multiamory #bbpartner

Quality lube is essential for good sexual experiences. Try our absolute favorite, ⁠Uberlube⁠ and get 10% off plus free shipping with promo code MULTIAMORY

Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

We're excited to welcome Orit Krug back to the show to talk about anxious attachment from a somatic perspective! We'll be discussing relationship anxiety, the research there is on body-based intervention, and a demo on what addressing these anxieties looks like.

Find more about Orit and her work on her website, follow her on Instagram, access free somatic meditations there, and visit https://www.multiamory.com/retreat to learn more about the somatic retreat in Italy that Orit and Dedeker will be co-hosting in September 2026!

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

EVERYONE who signs up to our giveaway will receive a FREE Rose suction toy with their @bellesaco order! https://bbvibes.com/multiamory #bbpartner

Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

This week we're hearing from some of our listeners. We recently polled listeners and asked you all to tell us what the hardest, complicated, messy parts of non-monogamy are, as well as the reasons why you wouldn't trade it for anything. We're going to hear from a few listeners about their struggles and joys, and answer the questions ourselves.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

EVERYONE who signs up to our giveaway will receive a FREE Rose suction toy with their @bellesaco order! https://bbvibes.com/multiamory #bbpartner

Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

Join our community and get the companion PDF Everything ends, from relationships to feelings to situations, to eventually, lives. We often frame this idea as something bad that's better not to think about, but in this episode, we're exploring how learning to accept this impermanence can help us enjoy our lives in the moment more. More importantly, this is a skill we can practice and improve upon. We'll be discussing the research around acceptance of impermanence and talking about how we can strengthen our skills to become better at living in the moment and enjoying our lives, relationships, and experiences.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Quality lube is essential for good sexual experiences. Try our absolute favorite, ⁠Uberlube⁠ and get 10% off plus free shipping with promo code MULTIAMORY

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

We're talking about money this week, specifically financial gaps in non-monogamous relationships. Money is one of the most fraught topics in any relationship, and in polyamory things can get even more complex. We're going to be discussing some research about why money creates so much friction in relationships and as always, we'll have some actionable takeaways at the end to help you navigate financial differences in your own relationships.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Get 10% off sexual health supplements at vb.health with promo code MULTI.

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

We're tackling another listener question this week and talking about discomfort and guilt around sex in non-monogamy. Even those of us who have been non-monogamous for a very long time still experience shame and guilt concerning sex with others sometimes. We'll be discussing some personal anecdotes and ways you can tackle these feelings when they come up.

If you want your question answered on a future Q&A episode, consider becoming a Supercast subscriber!

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

Today we're revisiting a topic we've covered before...supporting a partner through a breakup. We're going to focus on managing your own emotions and feelings during a loss you're not a part of, particularly if you have mixed feelings about the situation. We'll discuss the science of the matter, understanding your partner's grief, giving them practical support, and some actionable ways to take care of yourself during the situation.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.

We're excited to welcome Dr. Nicole Thompson onto the show to talk about her research on relationship anarchy!

Dr. Nicole Thompson (she/her) is a queer Sex and Relationship Therapist, researcher, educator, and host of Modern Anarchy podcast. She is the founder of The Pleasure Practice, where she provides psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy and leads global educational programs on non-monogamy and sexuality. Dr. Nicole published the first research study on Relationship Anarchy and is the author of The Psychedelic Jealousy Guide. Her work explores how pleasure, relationships, and community can support both personal and collective liberation.

Find more about her and her work at https://www.modernanarchypodcast.com/.

Join our amazing community of listeners at ⁠multiamory.com/join and get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community!

Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.

Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by ⁠Josh and Anand⁠

Follow us on Instagram ⁠@Multiamory_Podcast⁠ and visit our website ⁠Multiamory.com⁠.

We are a proud member of the ⁠Pleasure Podcasts⁠ network.