Parenting Teenagers Untangled

Ask Rachel anything

When your child is 12 and struggling, people might rally round. When they’re 19 and stuck in their bedroom, it can feel lonelier, and often more shameful, than it should.

This week in the Wonder Room, I’m joined again by teacher, author and mother of two Katharine Radiceto unpick my conversation with family therapist Thomas Miller on young adults who fail to launch.

We talk about why “get a good job” is a brittle value and “value hard work” is a durable one, and why that difference matters so much.

We get into the difference between pressure and urgency, why no job is beneath anyone starting out, and how the sheer volume of AI-written applications are making genuine, human ones, stand out.

We also share three simple questions that help teens and young adults notice what’s doing them good, who they can learn from, and how to build their own network.

If you’re worried about a young adult who seems stuck, this one’s for you.

• Situated by Angela Duckworth
• The Disengaged Teen by Jennie Anderson and Dr Rebecca Winthrop
• Thank You for Being Late, by Thomas Friedman

Episodes:

• How part time jobs still make a massive difference
• Using mentors to change your lifewith Mitchell Osmond
• Failing to Launch with Thomas Miller
• Sleep/wake routine adviceKen Rabow
• Helping more complex kids with ADHD and other differences Elaine Taylor-Klaus

Listen to my conversation with Thomas Miller and this Wonder Room with Katharine Radice on Teenagers Untangled. And if a friend is having a wobble about this right now, send it their way.

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

What can we do when our baby has technically reached adulthood, but they’re not working, they're drifting in and out of education, living at home with no obvious plan, or still relying on us for things we assumed they’d be managing by now?

This week I’m joined by Thomas Miller, a family therapist who works with young adults and their parents on anxiety, addiction, neurodiversity and what’s often called “failure to launch.”

You’ll hear:

• A simple test to tell the difference between a young adult who’s genuinely stalled and one who’s just taking a bit longer to find their feet
• Why the whole family, not just the young person, is the key to change
• Where support tips into enabling, and why high-achieving parents are especially prone to overfunctioning
• How rescuing our kids can rob them of their dignity, and how to give it back
• Why knowing your family’s values gives you a way to talk about what’s going wrong
• Practical conversation techniques you can start using with younger teens now, to prevent problems later

Whether your child is 13 or 23, this one is about the bigger goal behind all our parenting: raising someone who can manage a life without us.

Find Thomas at Four Peaks Parents, where there’s a free workbook to help you assess where your young adult is.

Get a full, free write-up of this episode with all the tips by clicking here

Thomas Miller

Other episodes that come at this from different angles:

Dr David Yeager with brilliant tools and deep understanding of how to motivate a young adult (he defines this anywhere beyond the age of 10!))

Ken Rabow giving very specific, practical ways of focusing on helping a young adult move forward

Elaine Taylor-Klaus on parenting more complex teens or tweens with ADHD autism or other differences

An old conversation with Susie from 2025 about the rising number of NEETS and how we parents can best support our kids.

My very first episode in which I talked about our parenting toolboxand how to delve into it to see what’s already there.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

I've really needed a reminder of how emotional regulation works, and how to see the best in everyone, over the past three weeks. I think Dr Jody gave us the best talk on this and I loved her so much that it was a joy to have the chance to talk through her ideas with Katharine Radice.

I don't know about you but it's one of my favourite topics because it comes up all of the time when we're parenting teenagers and I need regular reminders to be kind to myself just as much as I need to be kind to my kids.

Here's a summary of what we discuss in this Wonder Room episode:

• Rachel and Katharine revisit Dr. Jody’s advice, including “walk them home,” “get eyes,” and “tell me more.”
• We discuss the idea that even attuned parents get it right only some of the time, the number that comes up is 30%! That means we only need to get it right 30% of the time to be one of the best parents. Obviously, that makes repair one of the most important parenting skills.
• A simple pause to make hot chocolate can prevent conflict from escalating.

Modeling repair

• Parents can acknowledge when they have lost their temper and apologize, because it shows children how relationships recover.
• Naming personal patterns and signs of stress can help families support one another without making children responsible for adult emotions.
• Repair between adults should be visible to children when possible, so they do not assume conflict is unresolved or their fault.

Teen independence and listening

• Parents need to adjust their support as children mature, balancing practical help with respect for their choices and agency.
• Listening and asking for more information can make space for children to express difficult feelings without requiring parents to have immediate answers.

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

This episode will change how you see “bad behaviour” and might just change how you see yourself, too.

In this powerful conversation, with Dr Jody Carrington, we unpack what every parent and teacher needs to know about emotional regulation – and why you’re probably doing better than you think.

It fits perfectly with the lessons I've been learning as the mother of a badly injured daughter who needs me to stay strong while she gets back on her feet. You can read all about it by clicking here

In this episode, we cover:

• What emotional regulation really is

• The “flipped lid” model and the role of the prefrontal cortex
• Why kids don’t “lose their goodness” – they just lose access to it

• Why your regulation matters more than any parenting hack

• “If the big people aren’t okay, the little people don’t stand a chance”
• How our phones, watches and constant comparison are quietly dysregulating us

• Behavior, consequences and connection

• Why a strict rewards-and-punishments model backfires
• The shift from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What happened to this child?”

• Repair: the real superpower in families and classrooms

• Why the best predictor of lasting relationships is the capacity to repair
• How to apologise to your child (and your partner) in ways that actually heal

• Practical tools you can use today

• The phrases “Tell me more” and “What’s the hardest part?”
• The “collect before you direct” principle
• Everyday connection habits: eyes, car rides, bedtime, food, and shared interests

• Hope for worried, exhausted parents

• Why kids should be “worst” with you (and why that’s a good sign)
• The 30% rule that lets you drop the perfectionism and keep going.

Dr Jody Carrington:

https://www.drjodycarrington.com

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

Who doesn't want a simple answer to their problems? In all honesty I often hope to find one, but it's not really feasible when parenting teenagers. I love talking with experts who give us terrific advice - such as Dr Naomi Fisherand Dr Dominique Thompson - but when it comes to the messy job of parenting it can feel way more complicated in day to day life than we would hope.

In this conversation Katherine Radice and Rachel Richards discuss the messy realities; from school being unbearable for our teen to when a group chat turns into a pile-on.

We share practical ways to listen without panicking, work with schools, and help young people slow down, make mistakes, and grow.

School refusal and taking a pause — Understand why listening to your teenager matters, how to weigh school milestones against their wellbeing, and how to explore alternatives without closing the door on returning.

Making parent–school meetings more productive — Learn how sharing key information ahead of time and approaching staff collaboratively can help you understand what support the school can realistically offer.

Recognizing when a difficult patch needs action — Spot signs that a problem may be affecting your child more deeply, such as withdrawal or changes in their health, and see why keeping a factual log can help identify patterns.

Handling group chats, online conflict, and cancel culture — Get ideas for helping teens pause before replying, avoid escalating online drama, and disagree with someone’s views without attacking their identity.

Building resilience through mistakes, shame, and changing views — Explore ways to model openness about difficult feelings, help teens see how they’ve grown, and encourage curiosity and understanding across differences.

Episode on bullying teens

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

Just over a week ago, my daughter was badly burned when her hot water bottle split along the seam. She needed specialist care at the Queen Victoria Hospital burns unit which became famous for Archibald McIndoe’s work treating badly burned WWII airmen.

Instead of going back to university, she spent her 20th birthday recovering at home, unable to walk.

In this community catch-up episode I’ll tell you what happened, what we learned about treating burns, and what I want you to do tonight:

• If someone gets burned, cool the burn under cool running water for 20 minutes, cover it loosely with cling film, and get medical help.
• Check your hot water bottle for the daisy wheel symbol. It shows the month and year it was made. If it’s more than two years old, throw it out.
• Never fill it with boiling water. Let the kettle stand for a few minutes, fill it only two-thirds full, and squeeze out the air before you seal it.
• Consider a wheat or rice bag instead.

I’m also campaigning for every hot water bottle sold in the UK to carry clear warnings and a “throw out by” date.

CHILDREN'S BURNS TRUST: https://cbtrust.org.uk/

QUEEN VICTORIA HOSPITAL: https://www.qvh.nhs.uk/

ADULT BURNS SUPPORT: https://adultburnsupportuk.org/

BRITISH BURN ASSOCIATION: https://www.britishburnassociation.org/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Facebook

Ask Rachel anything

What’s behind a teenager’s struggle to get to school—and how can parents help without turning every morning into a battle? In this episode, journalist and host Rachel Richards talks with clinical psychologistDr. Naomi Fisher, author of The Teenagers’ Guide to Taking Control of Your Education, about school avoidance, burnout, demand avoidance, and the questions parents often have about autism and ADHD.

Drawing on her own experience of struggling at school and decades of work with young people and families, Naomi challenges us to look beyond labels and ask what a teen is experiencing, what support they need, and how parents can work alongside them. They also explore the importance of connection, curiosity, and making room for young people to take an active role in their learning.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What may be behind school avoidance—and how to look for specific school-day stressors rather than assuming a child is simply refusing.
• How to work with your teen, not against them, while still acknowledging that education needs to happen.
• What burnout can look like and why stepping back may help some teenagers recover.
• How to think about demand avoidance and autism or ADHD diagnoses without letting labels replace curiosity about what a young person needs.
• Why following a teen’s interests and repairing your connection matter—especially when school has become a source of conflict.

For more detailed notes and help on this go to my Fearless Parenting Substack

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Ask Rachel anything

Has your teenager come home upset because their friends have suddenly turned against them? Or have you heard that your child is part of a group chat where everyone is being urged to stop talking to someone? When a friendship conflict spreads through a whole group—and onto social media—it can be hard for parents to know what to say, when to step in, and how to help without making things worse.

In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by Dr Dominique Thompson, a physician and expert in supporting young people, to explore why teenagers can be so quick to exclude someone, and why it can feel so difficult to stand apart from the group. We talk about the role of peer pressure, black-and-white thinking and social media—and the difference between challenging hurtful behavior and shaming someone.

If your child is being ostracized, you’ll hear how to support them, work with the school and help them find other sources of connection. And if you’re worried your teen might be joining in, we discuss how to start a conversation that encourages empathy without simply lecturing or blaming them.

We’ll also share practical ways to make home a safe place for difficult conversations—and a simple question that might help a young person pause before they join a pile-on.

If this piece has raised anything difficult for you or your child, Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123 (UK).

If you want to read Rachel's expanded thoughts on this topic, click here

Dr Dominique Thompson

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

It’s one thing hearing what experts think, but I’m always left wondering how their advice translates into the real life of a parent. If you’re wondering too then you’re going to love this chat between Katharine Radice and me. In it, we discuss what was said in my interviews with Dr Leonard Sax and Dr Tara Porter.

Basically we cover the reality of setting healthy boundaries around gaming and phones, talking with teens about online risks, choosing supportive schools, mentors & building trust, confidence, and independence—without chasing perfection.

Don’t forget to tell us what you think. What helped and what advice deserves to go in the bin?

Links mentioned in the show:

• Rachel Richards website & Substack
• Katharine Radicewebsite & Substack
• Dr. Tara Porter
• Dr. Leonard Sax
• Brendan Kwiatkowski
• Melanie Sanderson
• Malcolm Gladwell
• Eileen Gu
• Angela Duckworth
• Mitchell Osmond
• Dr. David Yaeger

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Ask Rachel anything

If your son seems apathetic, glued to gaming, or strangely unbothered by school, you are not alone, and you are not imagining it. I decided to create this discussion because I have been contacted by so many parents about the lacklustre attitudes they are seeing in their sons, looking for advice on what to do.

Around the world, boys are falling behind academically, drifting socially, and retreating into screens. Meanwhile, girls are outstripping boys at school and university, and often hiding their own struggles under high achievement (a topic I recently covered both herewith Dr Tara Porter and here with Dr Suzanne Garfinkle-Crowell.)

In this episode, I talk to Dr Leonard Sax—family physician, psychologist, and author of Boys Adrift and Why Gender Matters—about why so many boys are losing motivation and the practical things parents can do about it, starting now.

You’ll learn:

• What’s really going on with boys today and why we should all care, because this isn’t just a schooling issue; it’s a future-partner, future-father, future-society issue.
• How modern schooling can switch boys off.
• Gaming: when it’s harmless and when it’s stealing your son’s life, including clear, research-backed limits and rules you can put in place at home.
• ADHD or something else? The hidden role of sleep and screens.
• Masculinity, role models, and “good men” in a disrespectful culture.
• Porn, AI “girlfriends”, and the pull away from real relationships.
• Most importantly: how to pull your son back into real life.

Dr Sax published his first version of this book twenty years ago and the issues it described; falling male achievement, rising screen immersion, AI companions, and collapsing couple relationships, are accelerating rather than levelling off.

The habits and boundaries we choose while our sons are still at home may shape not just his grades, but his ability to form healthy relationships, be a good partner and father, and build a life he cares about in the real world.

If you’re worried about an unmotivated, gaming-obsessed, or emotionally flat son, this conversation will give you clarity, language, and concrete steps you can start using today.

Don’t forget to share this with anyone who is struggling with the issues or who might find it helpful.

Link to my Substack where you can find all of the notes and a handy PDF cheat sheet for parenting

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

Are you trying so hard to be a good parent that you might be doing too much for your tween or teen, and accidentally making life harder for both of you?

In this episode of Parenting Teenagers Untangled, Rachel Richards talks with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Tara Porter about her new book "Good Enough" and why good enough parenting is actually the best kind of parenting.

Drawing on more than 25 years working in adolescent mental health, Tara explains how so many teens—whatever their diagnosis—secretly feel they are not “enough”: not clever enough, organized enough, pretty enough, or successful enough. She links this to a wider achievement-obsessed culture, fueled by:

• An education system caught in a “grade arms race”
• Social media’s like-and-kudos economy
• The professionalization of parenting and the tsunami of advice aimed at parents

Against this backdrop, Tara shares her three core principles of good enough parenting:

• A good enough attitude – Letting go of perfection, resisting the urge to optimize every aspect of your child’s life, and accepting that zigzags and setbacks are normal.
• Relationship-based parenting – Prioritizing connection over outcomes, being “like wallpaper” in the background: present, warm, and available without crowding them or trying to control everything.
• Firm and kind boundaries – Finding the balance between warmth and firmness (authoritative parenting), gradually letting go of authority through the teen years so that by adulthood, your child is guided by their own internal compass, not your rules.

Rachel and Tara explore:

• Rescuing vs building resilience
• Two common struggle patterns in teens

• The perfectionist achiever
• The rebellious non-complier

• How to set boundaries that still protect the relationship
• Better conversations with teens
Tara’s two key listening tools:
• Empathy – stepping into your teen’s perspective, so they feel genuinely understood.
• Curiosity – asking open questions rather than jumping in with solutions.
• Rachel adds the idea of “LUFU – Listen Until they Feel Understood”, and both discuss why advice rarely lands until a teen first feels deeply heard.
• Mental health labels vs hope and growth

Rachel'spersonal blog on getting the balance right

Dr Tara Porter

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

We’re living through an age where it can feel like our teenagers’ entire lives are happening behind a screen we can’t see.

Meanwhile mental health problems in teens are a rising problem that is being blamed on their devices.

The instinctive response for many of us is to clamp down: ban certain apps, monitor every move, or take away devices altogether.

But asProfessor Candice Odgers put it so powerfully:

“You can’t ban your way out of a mental health crisis. You have to build instead.”

In this Wonder Room conversation Katharine Radice and I explore how parents can move beyond panic about phones and toward curious, constructive conversations that help teens feel safe enough to be honest.

These are some of the core things we cover in this episode:

Shifting focus from the phone to the child

• Phone use is often a symptom of underlying distress or needs, not the core problem.

Moving from monitoring to understanding

• Hours and apps matter less than the quality of your teen’s relationship with their online world and how it makes them feel.

Creating conditions for honesty instead of forcing lies

• Avoid loaded, judgmental questions and big emotional reactions that make teens hide or lie about what they’re doing online.

Naming the role of algorithms and external forces

• Ask “What is the algorithm feeding you?” to shift some responsibility away from the teen and toward the tech design, making honest conversations safer.

Scaffolding self-reflection and self-regulation

• Use curious questions (“Are you stuck?”, “Any surprises in your screen time?”) to help teens build lifelong skills in reviewing and adjusting their own digital habits.

For my Fearless Parenting community membersI have gathered the key ideas and given you practical questions you can use tonight with your teen.

Katherine has a Substackfull of help and ideas for parents of teenagers

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

Are smartphones and social media really damaging our teenagers’ mental health – or are we looking in the wrong place? In this episode, Rachel Richards talks with Professor Candice Odgers, a leading expert on adolescent mental health in the digital age, to unpack what decades of research actually show about teens, tech and wellbeing.

We explore why today’s teenagers are doing better than many headlines suggest, the real size of the link between phones, social media, anxiety and depression, and why offline risks are the biggest predictors of online problems. Candice explains how family stress, academic pressure, inequality, climate anxiety and adult mental health all play a powerful role in teen distress – and why focusing all our fear on phones can distract us from where we can genuinely make a difference.

You’ll hear practical guidance on monitoring vs. connection, how to talk with teens about their online lives without pushing them away, what “ready for a phone” really means, and how social media affects girls and body image. If you feel overwhelmed by scary stories about screens, this conversation will help you move from panic to evidence‑based, compassionate parenting.

Candice Odgers via her websiteoron Substack

My substack:

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Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

As a teenager, I grew up in a home with almost no routines. No one talked about what needed to happen when, and I remember constantly thinking, “What am I supposed to do now?” Life felt like reinventing the wheel every day. I didn’t feel safe, and I felt a lot of energy went into trying to cope in the chaos.

Now, as a parent and host of Teenagers Untangled, I’ve come to see routines not as dreary box‑ticking exercises, but as powerful tools for connection, calm, and joy. In this Wonder Room conversation, I sat down with teacher and parent Katharine Radice to explore how routines, habits, and rituals can serve our teenagers—and us.

You can find all of the notes and recommendations made in this bonus episode by clicking here:

Sign up for free emails to let you know when a new episode comes out www.teenagersuntangled.com

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

If your teenage daughter says, “I have anxiety,” “my ADHD was out of control today,” or calls a friend “toxic,” it can feel both strangely sophisticated and oddly shallow at the same time. She has language. She has labels. But somehow, you’re still not sure what’s really going on inside her.

In this episode with psychiatrist Dr Suzanne Garfinkel-Crowell, author of Girlhood Translated: Understanding Girls in the Age of Therapy Speak and Self-Diagnosis, we pulled back the curtain on what this language is doing for girls — and what it’s doing to them.

I particularly loved Suzanne’s tip for us parents:

‘The biggest problem with therapy speak is when it’s a conversation stopper, because really, these words should be conversation starters.’

In the discussion she gives us parents ideas on how to move beyond the language our kids are using, and help them understand what’s really going on.

This isn’t an “anti-diagnosis” conversation. It’s about understanding how the language of mental health, the DSM, and social media are shaping girlhood, and how we as parents can respond in a way that brings us closer instead of shutting our daughters down.

Dr Suzanne Garfinkle-Crowell

If you'd like written notes to remind you about the points in this episode, or you'd like to think more about it, come to my Substack

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

They're the oldest in their primary and suddenly our babies have to cope with being the youngest in their senior school. It's a big leap, and it comes just at the point when our kids are becoming much more aware of themselves and others with a big dollop of puberty-driven insecurity.

It's easy to worry about them making friends, coping with their newfound indepenence; complicated timetables, different classrooms, homework, buses and remembering their passwords.

Here to help us figure it all out is Katherine Radice, author of the Parents Guide to Exam Stress long time teacher and mum of two teenage boys.

Just five of things we cover in the episode are:

Realistic expectations for starting secondary school

• Why trying to make the “perfect” first day backfires
• Teaching kids that “lumps and bumps” are normal and part of adjustment

Identity, uniform, and appearance

• How brands/clothes (e.g., specific shoes, jackets) are tied to teen identity and belonging
• When and why it’s worth listening and sometimes compromising on these wants

Extracurricular activities and balance

• Benefits of clubs for confidence, community, and friendship-building
• The risks of over-scheduling and how to judge when it’s “too much”

Emotional turbulence in the early weeks

• Tears, anger, door-slamming, and exhaustion as expected reactions
• How to respond with empathy, rituals of comfort, and not jumping into “fix-it” mode too fast.

Communication: with teens and with school

• How to get teens talking: low-stakes questions, rituals, “super silence,” and active listening
• When to see something as a “blip” vs a real problem, and how to approach schools constructively

Friendships:

• How to talk about making friends without turning it into too much of a big deal

Hopefully, by the end of our discussion you'll have a much clearer idea of what you can do and also what you don't need to be doing to support your children through the turbulent teen school years.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

Is AI changing the way teenagers understand friendship? Should we worry about teens turning to chatbots for advice and emotional support? And what can parents do to help their children build strong, real-world relationships?

Welcome to a new Teenagers Untangled Community Catchup, where Rachel Richards is joined by teacher, author and mum of two teenagers Katherine Radice to talk through what's happening in the world of teenagers — from the news and the latest research to the problems parents are dealing with at home.

This week, we start with GCSE results and teenage motivation. How should parents respond when results aren't what their teenager hoped for? Why does effort matter even when the grades aren't brilliant? And could constantly criticising schools actually make it harder for our teenagers to engage with the adults who are trying to help them?

Then we turn to teenagers and AI.

As AI chatbots become an increasingly normal part of young people's lives, we ask what happens when teenagers start using them not simply for homework or information, but for emotional advice and companionship.

Unlike human friends, an AI chatbot is available whenever you want it. It doesn't need anything from you. It doesn't get tired, disagree in quite the same way or require the give-and-take that real relationships demand.

But is that actually a problem?

We discuss why disagreement and friction are important parts of healthy relationships, helping teenagers develop their identity, challenge their assumptions and learn how to live alongside people who don't always think exactly as they do.

That leads us into teenage friendships: why teenagers can become so focused on finding a “best friend”, why friendships inevitably go through difficult patches, and how parents can help when a friend betrays a confidence, leaves their child out or hurts them.

Rather than immediately deciding that the other teenager is a “bad person”, we discuss how friendship difficulties can become opportunities to learn about trust, forgiveness, apologies and understanding other people's perspectives.

Finally, we look at something parents can easily overlook: our own friendships.

Our teenagers are watching how we talk about other people, how we deal with disagreement and rejection, and whether friendship and community have a meaningful place in our adult lives. Sometimes one of the best ways to teach our teenagers how to build relationships is simply to let them see us doing it.

A wide-ranging, practical conversation about teenagers and AI, ChatGPT, teenage friendships, GCSE results, school, parenting teenagers and helping young people build healthy real-world relationships.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

So many parents come to me saying 'My teen has no friends. What should I do?' and I can't help wondering if we are missing one of the most important ways to help them. Being good at friendships ourselves.

Think about it. If we're not good at making and maintaining friends ourselves, who will our babies learn their friendship skills from?

In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, I’m joined by author, broadcaster, and founder of The Friendship Lab, Sheridan Voysey, to unpack why 20–25% of adults now say they have no close friends, how that impacts our teens’ mental health, and what we can actually do about it.

We explore the five stages of friendship, why busyness, smartphones, and constant mobility are eroding our connections, and the simple, intentional steps parents can take to help their tweens and teens build deep, lasting relationships.

Whether your child is struggling to find “their people,” stuck on the surface with classmates, or hiding behind screens, this conversation will give you practical language, science-backed insight, and real-life ideas for modelling healthy friendships at home. If you care about your teen’s confidence, wellbeing, resilience, and sense of belonging, this is an episode you won’t want to miss.

Contact the Friendship Lab

The Friendship Lab Course

I create notes on every episode which you'll find on my Substack page

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook

Ask Rachel anything

What happens when the children we’ve poured our hearts, time, and energy into finally leave home? If you’re facing the prospect of a child heading off to university or moving out—and feeling anything from pride and excitement to grief, anxiety, or a loss of identity—this episode is for you.

First, I revisit a powerful conversation with mindfulness coach Susie Asli, where we unpack empty nest syndrome:

• why feelings of grief, loneliness, or even physical symptoms like sleeplessness and nausea are a normal response,
• how your identity as a parent can feel shaken when your child leaves,
• and practical ways to prepare yourself emotionally, rebuild routines, and reconnect—with yourself, with your partner, and with your wider life.

Then I speak with Hannah Bankier, a coach specialising in personal and professional transitions and founder of Birdie Launcher. Hannah invites us to rethink the very idea of an “empty nest” and instead see this stage as a launchpad—for our children and for ourselves. She shares:

• how to start preparing years before your child leaves,
• how to evolve your parenting from “controller” to “mentor,”
• how to co-create a new kind of relationship with your emerging adult,
• and how to rediscover your own purpose, joy, and identity beyond being “Mum.”

You're not broken if you're feeling grief. You're ready to start a new chapter.

Hannah Bankier

All the tips from this episode

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

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Ask Rachel anything

A listener parenting a teen son wrote to say both of them felt pretty stunned when he was rejected from the university he'd set his heart on. She asked for the best way to help our teenagers cope with this sort of disappointment.

I thought it was a great question and a good opportunity to also look at how we parents can best navigate when our teen has worked for years toward a dream - a top university place, exam results, a team, a part - and it doesn’t happen. The disappointment can feel earth‑shattering for them and gut‑wrenching for you.

In this episode I talk with Dr Dominique Thompson, award‑winning GP and young people’s mental health expert, about how to support teenagers through big disappointments such as university rejection, exam failure, and missed opportunities – without rescuing them or minimising their feelings.

We explore:

• What teens are actually grieving when things go wrong – including the loss of an imagined future
• How to validate their emotions while gently stopping catastrophic thinking
• The difference between building resilience and teaching kids to suppress their feelings
• Why today’s culture of perfectionism and “being the best” is driving anxiety, burnout and fear of failure
• How to help teens separate self‑worth from grades, offers and achievements
• Practical ways to prepare teens for university life, academic stress and independence
• When dropping out isn’t the only option – how to press pause, get help and return stronger
• What to do if your teen feels “left behind” while friends move on to university or big opportunities
• How parents can be a “safe harbour”: supportive, boundaried, and not adding their own disappointment to their teen’s load

If you’re a parent wondering how to respond when your child says, “I’ve failed you,” or “There’s no point trying,” this conversation will give you concrete language, mindset shifts and step‑by‑step strategies to help them cope, reframe, and find a new path forward.

Dr Dominique Thompson: is a multi-award winning former GP, young people's mental health expert, TEDx speaker, author and educator, with over two decades of NHS clinical experience.

She is author of The Student Wellbeing Series for young people, and co-author of How to Grow a Grown Up (PenguinRandomHouse) for parents.

dominique.thompson@me.com

http://www.buzzconsulting.co.uk/

https://www.instagram.com/drdomthompson/

https://www.facebook.com/drdomthompson/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominique-thompson/

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

Find all the tips from the episode on Substack:

My email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me

Instagram
Facebook