Passion Struck with John R. Miles

What if the way you eat has less to do with food than with how you feel about yourself?

For registered dietitian and author Lee Cotton, the path to understanding nutrition began with her own struggles with food and body image. In this conversation, she shares how those experiences shaped her work helping people develop healthier, more compassionate relationships with food—and why nourishment begins with recognizing that we matter.

On Episode 841 of Passion Struck, John R. Miles and Lee explore the emotional stories, childhood messages, cultural pressures, and personal experiences that influence how we eat. They discuss the connection between food and self-worth, the impact of trauma and stress on eating behaviors, and why body image challenges can become especially complicated during perimenopause and menopause.

Lee also explains the importance of mindful eating, realistic nutrition goals, listening to the body's signals, and resisting the idea that one diet or eating pattern works for everyone. Drawing on her work with people experiencing disordered eating and eating disorders, she emphasizes the importance of professional support, individualized guidance, and approaching food without unnecessary fear or shame.

In This Episode, You'll Discover

• Why our relationship with food is often a reflection of our relationship with ourselves.
• How childhood food rules and family messages can shape eating behaviors well into adulthood.
• The connection between self-worth, body image, and the desire to control food.
• How stress, trauma, and difficult life experiences can influence eating patterns.
• Why mindful eating starts with pausing, listening, and recognizing your body's signals.
• How realistic nutrition goals and small changes can build sustainable momentum.
• Why perimenopause and menopause can bring new challenges around body image, nourishment, and control.
• Why the most important affirmation may be: You are worthy of nourishment.

At the heart of the conversation is a powerful reminder: nourishment is about more than fueling the body. It expresses care, and everyone deserves it.

As Lee puts it: You are worthy of nourishment.

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Connect with John R. Miles

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Speaking and Events: Book John to Speak
• Substack: The Ignited Life
• Children's Book: You Matter, Luma

Support the Mattering Movement

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Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and significant. Help make that belief visible. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

The #1 Health & Fitness Podcast. More than 85 million downloads.

Disclaimer

Passion Struck is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. Nothing shared on this podcast should be considered medical, mental health, or psychological advice, or a substitute for consultation with a qualified professional.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the story you've been telling yourself about who you are was never really yours?

In 1979, a collection of interviews with college students disappeared into the archives. Decades later, Harvard developmental psychologist Alexis Redding helped uncover the recordings—and found young people wrestling with many of the same questions we face today: Who am I? Where do I belong? Am I doing enough?

On Episode 840 of Passion Struck, John R. Miles connects Redding's discovery with insights from author Jon Acuff on procrastination, identity, and the mental soundtracks that keep us stuck. Together, their ideas reveal how family expectations, schools, workplaces, and influential people can shape beliefs we carry long after the original moment has passed.

From the pressure to appear effortlessly successful to the childhood labels that limit our ambitions, this episode explores how we can mistake an old message for an enduring truth.

John introduces The Tape Check, a three-question exercise to help you identify the belief you're replaying, understand where it came from, and test whether it still holds up. Drawing on the Wright brothers' willingness to question accepted data, he shows why small experiments can be more powerful than simply trying to think positively.

Because you may not have chosen every story that shaped you—but you can decide what plays next.

In This Episode, You'll Discover

• What decades-old student recordings reveal about the beliefs and pressures that persist across generations.
• How family, school, and workplace environments shape the stories we tell ourselves.
• Why labels like “not a natural leader” can influence decisions for decades.
• How perfectionism and the pressure to look successful can keep people from taking meaningful risks.
• Why procrastination can begin with identity beliefs before showing up in our actions.
• How to use the three-question Tape Check to challenge an inherited belief.
• Why small experiments can help you discover what you're capable of without committing to a lifelong path.
• How sharing the messy middle of your own story can help someone else rewrite theirs.

The Big Idea

The beliefs that shape your life may have originated in a room you left years ago. Recognizing where they came from gives you the opportunity to question them, test them, and choose a different way forward.

You can't unhear it once you've heard it. And you get to decide what plays next.

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if procrastination isn't a problem with your time, but a problem with what you believe you're capable of doing?

You know what you want to change. You have ideas, ambitions, and goals. Yet somehow, you keep waiting for the right moment, the perfect plan, or the confidence to begin.

On this episode of Passion Struck, I sit down with Jon Acuff, bestselling author of Procrastination Proof, to explore why so many capable people get stuck between intention and action. Drawing on his work helping people overcome procrastination and build more remarkable lives, Jon explains how fear, perfectionism, comparison, and the stories we tell ourselves can quietly limit what we attempt. We also discuss why the desire to do something meaningful often creates the discipline needed to pursue it, rather than the other way around.

In this conversation, you'll discover:

• Why procrastination isn't just a time-management problem: Jon defines it as the gap between your intentions and your actions.
• How fear disguises itself as preparation: Why overthinking, perfectionism, and waiting for the perfect starting point can keep you stuck.
• The power of giving yourself permission: How remarkable people learn to talk themselves into trying instead of talking themselves out of it.
• The four permissions: How to dream, plan, do, and review your way toward meaningful goals.
• Why identity shapes action: How beliefs such as “I'm not a writer” or “I'm not a natural leader” can become limitations we carry for decades.
• How comparison makes you feel behind: Why someone else's success doesn't mean your own opportunities have passed.
• The signs you carry through life: How messages from parents, teachers, and coworkers can shape what you believe you're allowed to achieve.
• Why believing you matter changes what you attempt: How small wins can restore a sense of agency and help you move beyond the soundtrack of “Why bother?”
• How to discover what motivates you: Why Jon recommends auditioning a goal for 15 minutes a day over seven days instead of waiting for a perfect life plan.

Jon also shares the advice that helped him expand his own ambitions, why he believes we often underestimate our potential, and how to build a life that feels rich across career, finances, relationships, health, and fun.

You don't need to have your entire future figured out before you begin. You need to identify the next step you're willing to take, give yourself permission to try, and learn from what happens.

Check out the full show notes.

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if today's young people aren't as different from previous generations as we think?

When Alexis Redding and her colleagues uncovered interviews with college students from the 1970s, they found familiar stories of loneliness, academic pressure, family expectations, and uncertainty about the future.

In this episode of Passion Struck, the Harvard developmental psychologist and editor of Mental Health in College: What Research Tells Us About Supporting Students explores what has changed across generations, why belonging matters to student well-being and success, and how parents, educators, and institutions can create environments where young adults feel seen, heard, valued, and encouraged.

Together, Miles and Redding examine the pressure to achieve, the myth of effortless perfection, the importance of student voices, and why learning to pivot may be one of the most valuable skills young adults can develop.

In This Episode, You'll Discover

• What archival recordings reveal about the similarities between college students across generations.
• Why blaming “kids these days” gets in the way of meaningful solutions.
• How belonging influences academic performance, help-seeking, persistence, and graduation.
• Why colleges need a campus-wide culture of care—not just a crisis-response model.
• How parents and educators can share their own failures and uncertainties to help young people feel less alone.
• Why perfectionism and achievement pressure make it harder for students to take risks and explore.
• How small changes in language can encourage curiosity rather than prescribe a single path.
• Why career pivots and reinvention are normal parts of adulthood, not signs of failure.

The Bigger Idea

Young people don't need adults to pretend that life follows a predictable path. They need environments where they can struggle, ask for help, take risks, and learn to find their way. When students feel that they belong, they have more freedom to grow.

Alexis Redding's work reminds us that the question isn't simply what's wrong with young people. It's what we can change about the environments surrounding them.

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexisredding/

Get the full show notes here.

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when the next achievement matters more than the one you just reached?

Even after The Mattering Effect landed on the USA Today bestseller list, John caught himself immediately checking where it might rank on the NYT bestseller list. That instinct revealed how deeply conditioned even the most intentional leaders are to let external scorecards dictate internal worth.

In this solo series finale, John connects the dots across three essential conversations:

• Dr. Nir Halevy (Stanford): How tournament theory and stacked rankings pull teams apart and breed learned helplessness.
• Dr. Kristin Neff (UT Austin): How the environment's scorecard moves inside your head as a ruthless inner critic—and why self-compassion provides the safe soil for true agency.
• Heather Monahan: What it looks like to recognize you built your own cage, stop shrinking yourself, stand tall, and know when to change your room versus change your mindset.

Drawing on a timeless parable from Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s The Little Prince, John examines our cultural obsession with "the figures" and delivers The Blueprint Check: a concrete, three-question diagnostic framework to run on your workplace, your social feeds, and your daily life.

Key Takeaways

• The Scorecard Trap: Why rankings, quotas, and follower counts tell us where we stand relative to others—but not who we are.
• Tournament Theory at Work: How outsized rewards for top performers can fuel destructive competition, while others disengage or begin to experience what Martin Seligman called learned helplessness.
• Self-Esteem vs. Self-Compassion: Why constantly evaluating yourself keeps you on the achievement treadmill, while self-compassion helps you respond to setbacks with greater clarity and agency.
• The Worcester Academy Realization: How Heather Monahan discovered that the room hadn't changed—her perception of herself had—and why it's equally important to recognize when a genuinely toxic environment needs to change.
• The Three-Part Move: How to reclaim agency by changing your response, working to change the environment, or leaving a system that refuses to change.

Your worth was never meant to be a number on someone else's scorecard. The goal isn't to stop measuring your progress. It's to stop confusing your performance with your value as a person.

Click here for the full show notes.

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when you spend years proving yourself, only to find that the people around you make you question your worth?

Heather Monahan knows firsthand how that experience can change you. After rising to the C-suite as a chief revenue officer, she was unexpectedly fired from the company where she had built her career. Rather than retreating from the setback, she shared her story publicly, asked for help, and turned a painful ending into the beginning of an entirely new chapter.

A 2X bestselling author, TEDx speaker, host of the Creating Confidence podcast, and board member, Heather was also named one of Real Leaders’ Top 50 Keynote Speakers in 2022. Through her work, she helps people build confidence, overcome obstacles, and recognize their own potential.

In this conversation, Heather shares why confidence isn’t something you’re simply born with. It’s built through the actions you take, the risks you’re willing to face, and the choices you make when life doesn’t go according to plan. Together, we explore how to recognize toxic environments, stand up for yourself without losing your integrity, and stop allowing other people’s opinions to define who you are

In this episode, you’ll discover:

• Why self-doubt can persist even when you’re successful.
• How your environment can either strengthen your confidence or slowly erode it.
• Why Heather believes you should never take a no from someone who can’t give you a yes.
• What toxic workplace dynamics can cost you, and when it’s time to walk away.
• How Heather turned being fired into a career-changing opportunity.
• Why confidence is built through small actions, not one defining moment.
• How to use fear as a signal to move forward instead of retreat.
• How journaling can help you identify the beliefs and relationships holding you back.
• Why setting boundaries is essential to protecting your growth.

You don’t have to wait until you feel confident to make a change. You build confidence by taking the next step, especially when it scares you. And sometimes, the environment you’re afraid to leave is the very thing keeping you from becoming who you could be.

Grab the full show notes here.

Download the Companion Workbook.

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why do some teams bring out the best in people while others turn colleagues into competitors? The answer may lie in the way we structure power, status, and success.

On this episode of Passion Struck, I sit down with Dr. Nir Halevy, a Stanford professor who studies social influence, power, and human behavior, to explore his book, Level Up: Why Hierarchies Are Broken and How to Fix Them.

Drawing on decades of research and real-world examples from elite sports, healthcare, academia, and corporate America, Nir explains why hierarchy itself isn't necessarily the problem. The real issue is whether the systems we create encourage people to work together or push them to succeed at one another's expense.

We discuss:

• Why hierarchies persist: Why eliminating hierarchy is rarely practical, and how to distinguish structures that help teams function from those that create harm.
• The danger of forced rankings: How pitting employees against one another can encourage information hoarding, rivalry, and even sabotage.
• The psychology of social comparison: Why another person's success can change how we experience our own, even when nothing about our performance has changed.
• Dominance versus prestige: The difference between leading through intimidation and leading through competence, contribution, and respect.
• The three warning signs of a broken hierarchy: Excessive competition, injustice, and instability—and how they undermine trust and retention.
• Why fairness matters: How unfair outcomes, opaque procedures, and disrespectful treatment combine to make people feel powerless.
• What leaders can learn from improv: How active listening, psychological safety, empathy, and making your teammates look good can strengthen relationships.
• How to build healthier teams: Why leaders should create multiple ways for people to contribute and demonstrate their value, rather than tying worth to a single ranking.

Nir leaves us with one question every leader should consider: Does your hierarchy bring people closer together or pull them apart? Because the goal isn't to eliminate structure. It's to build systems in which people can succeed without making others feel like they have to lose.

See the Full Shownotes.

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when you achieve the life you thought you wanted, only to realize you no longer feel connected to it?

For John R. Miles, that question became impossible to ignore. After years of executive success, demanding workweeks, and responsibilities that kept growing, a simple question from his young son stopped him in his tracks: “Dad, why don't you ever laugh anymore?”

In this special live conversation from the launch of The Mattering Effectat the St. Petersburg Museum of History, John sits down with Emmy Award-winning Fox 13 anchor Linda Hurtado to explore the experiences that led him to investigate a question millions of people quietly carry: Do I matter?

John explains why success and mattering are not the same, how the environments around us can reward what we produce while overlooking who we are, and how this gradual loss of connection can lead to what he calls the Great Erasure.

In this conversation, you'll discover:

• Why achievement doesn't always lead to meaning or fulfillment.
• How the Great Erasure happens when systems extract our value without reflecting our worth.
• Why loneliness, burnout, and disengagement may share a deeper underlying cause.
• How the M.A.T.T.E.R. framework identifies six conditions that help people feel significant: Meaning, Autonomy, Trust, Time, Energy, and Reciprocity.
• What John learned from transforming a struggling employee engagement team at Lowe's.
• Why the Slow Fade can leave you feeling increasingly disconnected before you recognize what's happening.
• How to begin rebuilding mattering through personal choices, stronger relationships, and environments that support your well-being.
• What leaders and parents can do to help people feel seen, including the power of undivided attention and asking what support someone needs.
• How Linda's decision to leave a workplace where she no longer felt valued illustrates the importance of recognizing your own worth.

The conversation also explores John's personal turning points, the experiences that prompted him to reconsider his priorities, and why rebuilding a sense of mattering starts with how we treat ourselves and the people closest to us.

The central takeaway: You can climb the mountain you always wanted to climb and still discover it was the wrong mountain. Sometimes the next step isn't working harder. It's asking what kind of life you're actually building, and whether it allows you and the people around you to feel that you matter.

This is a special episode about the ideas, experiences, and human stories behind The Mattering Effect: Creating a Life of Meaning and Worth.

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the voice you use to motivate yourself is the very voice keeping you stuck?

You push harder after a mistake. You judge yourself for falling short. You tell yourself that if you were more disciplined, more successful, or simply better, you would finally feel worthy. But what if being hard on yourself isn't making you stronger? What if it’s making it harder to recover, grow, and move forward?

According to today’s guest, self-compassion isn’t self-pity or letting yourself off the hook. It’s learning how to respond to difficulty without turning against yourself.

Dr. Kristin Neff is a pioneering researcher in self-compassion and the creator of the Self-Compassion Institute. In this conversation, she explains why so many of us tie our worth to achievement, how our inner critic can intensify shame and disconnection, and how self-compassion can help us respond to life's challenges with greater clarity and care.

In this conversation, you’ll learn:

• Why being hard on yourself doesn't necessarily make you more motivated or successful.
• The difference between self-esteem, which evaluates your worth, and self-compassion, which responds to your humanity.
• How achievement, appearance, status, and external approval become measures of worth.
• Why shame, loneliness, burnout, and emotional numbness can be connected to a deeper sense of disconnection.
• How self-compassion creates space between what you feel and how you choose to respond.
• Why compassion can help you recognize your needs, set boundaries, and act with greater intention.
• How parents can model self-compassion for children without turning it into another expectation.
• A simple practice for responding to difficult moments with warmth instead of self-judgment.

Kristin shares a powerful phrase to return to when you’re struggling: “I will not abandon you. I am here for you. I care.”

You don’t have to earn the right to treat yourself with compassion. You can begin in the very moment you feel you’ve fallen short.

Check the full shownotes here.

Get the Companion Digital Workbook.

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the behaviors that made you successful are the same ones keeping you from feeling fulfilled?

You learned to be dependable. You became the overachiever, the caretaker, the person who never asks for help. People praised your strength, relied on your generosity, and rewarded your ability to get things done. But what if those behaviors began as ways to feel safe, earn love, or prove you were worthy?

On this episode of Passion Struck, psychotherapist, relationship expert, and bestselling author Terri Cole joins John R. Miles to explore how childhood wounds can shape our adult identities, relationships, and sense of worth. Drawing on her new book, Father Wound, Terri explains why achievement can become a way of proving our value, why emotionally unavailable partners can feel more familiar than healthy love, and why saying no can feel frightening even when we know we have every right to do it.

Together, John and Terri examine how the roles we learned in childhood can become the very patterns that disconnect us from ourselves. They explore how to recognize the difference between being driven by fear and acting from genuine desire, and why healing does not mean losing your ambition or your strengths. It means reclaiming the freedom to choose how you want to live.

In this conversation, you'll discover:

• Why childhood survival strategies can follow you into adulthood, even when your circumstances have changed.
• How achievement can become a lifelong attempt to prove you're worthy of love and attention.
• Why healthy relationships may initially feel unfamiliar when you've learned to associate love with unpredictability.
• How family roles such as the hero, caretaker, good girl, and lone wolf can shape your identity.
• Why successful people can look like they have everything together while struggling internally.
• How to recognize when you're running toward something you genuinely want versus running away from the fear that you're not enough.
• Why saying no can feel emotionally dangerous, and how boundaries help you stop abandoning yourself.
• What it means to mourn the parent you wished you had so you can stop repeating old patterns in new relationships.
• How healing helps you preserve your strengths while choosing a life driven by your values rather than your wounds.

You can honor the person you had to become to survive without remaining that person forever. The goal isn't to erase your past or diminish your ambition. It's to understand what shaped you, reconnect with who you are, and build a life in which you no longer have to prove your worth.

About Terri Cole: Terri Cole is a psychotherapist, relationship expert, and bestselling author of Boundary Boss, Too Much, and Father Wound: How Childhood Wounds Shape Worth, Relationships, and the Life We Build.

Click here for the full shownotes.

Explore her work at https://terricole.com/ and https://fatherwoundbook.com/.

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the beliefs you hold about yourself, your future, and the world around you are shaping what happens next more than you realize?

Shawn Achor, bestselling author and one of the leading voices in positive psychology, joins John R. Miles to explore the science behind The Power of Beliefs. Drawing on research in psychology, medicine, education, and human performance, Shawn explains how the way we interpret our circumstances can shape how we respond to them, what we attempt, and what becomes possible.

But this isn't a conversation about pretending everything will work out. Shawn explains the difference between a belief that creates real possibilities and wishful thinking, including a practical method for grounding beliefs in evidence and connecting them to the actions that make change more likely.

The conversation takes a deeply personal turn when Shawn shares how the premature birth of his daughter led him to step away from work, only to later feel that he was being replaced. A chance encounter with a stranger reminded him that his work had made a difference. That moment opens the door to a bigger question: What happens when we stop believing that we matter?

Together, John and Shawn explore how the beliefs that shape our lives are connected to belonging, meaningful work, social connection, and the environments we create for one another.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why pursuing success first and expecting happiness to follow can leave you perpetually dissatisfied.
• How beliefs can influence outcomes, from the placebo effect to the home-field advantage in sports.
• The difference between grounded optimism and wishful thinking.
• How to strengthen a belief by connecting it to evidence and specific actions.
• The seven core beliefs Shawn explores, including whether your behavior matters, whether you matter, whether you're alone, and whether your work is meaningful.
• Why Shawn's experience as a father changed his understanding of success, identity, and mattering.
• Why feeling that your work matters can be as important as compensation.
• How small acts of recognition, connection, and kindness can create feedback loops that change behavior.
• What leaders, parents, teachers, and individuals can do to help others see evidence that they matter.

The takeaway is simple but powerful: you don't have to pretend the odds are easy or the world is perfect to believe your actions can make a difference. You can build beliefs that acknowledge reality while helping you move toward a better future.

Full shownotes here.

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if you can be successful, needed, productive, and admired, and still feel like you don't matter?

That's the paradox at the heart of John R. Miles' new book, The Mattering Effect.

In this special conversation, originally recorded for Mick Hunt's Mick Unplugged, Mick sits down with John to explore the personal story behind the book and the question that changed the direction of John's life:

Do I matter?

John shares the calling that emerged during a discipleship class, the experience that forced him to confront his own “slow fade,” and why he eventually recognized that burnout, loneliness, disengagement, and disconnection weren't separate problems—but symptoms of something deeper. AudioTranscriberAI_0aa8383c46d9…

The conversation then moves into the ideas behind The Mattering Effect: why being needed isn't the same as mattering, how the Great Erasure strips individuality from modern systems, and how the Mattering Needs Pyramid, M.A.T.T.E.R. Framework, and Mattering Compass can help rebuild a sense of worth, agency, connection, and impact.

Most importantly, this isn't just a conversation about a book. It's about what happens when you stop living to prove your worth and start living from the belief that you already have it.

Full Shownotes Here.

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the biggest problem in your life isn't what's wrong with you—but what's happening to you?

Burnout. Loneliness. Disconnection. Exhaustion. The feeling that you're constantly working, producing, improving, and performing, yet somehow becoming less visible to yourself. What if these aren't separate problems? What if they're different expressions of the same unanswered human question:

Do I matter?

On the launch day of The Mattering Effect, John R. Miles shares five foundational insights from the book, exploring why so many people can be successful, needed, productive, and even indispensable while still feeling invisible to themselves.

You'll discover:

• Why we need to stop asking “What's wrong with people?” and start asking “What's happening to people?”
• The difference between unmattering—what environments and systems do to us—and antimattering—what repeated experiences of insignificance can create inside us
• How the Great Erasure happens when systems prioritize utility over humanity
• Why being needed isn't the same as mattering
• How the Mattering Gap and Mattering Tax quietly drain our energy
• Why modern life has shifted us from Thoreau's quiet desperation to what John calls quiet disorientation
• How AI and algorithmic environments can either diminish or expand human agency
• Why adaptability means becoming an author of your choices rather than an NPC responding to every external prompt
• The six signals of the M.A.T.T.E.R. Framework
• The four internal coordinates of the Mattering Compass
• How restoring your sense of mattering can create what John calls the Mattering Dividend

At the center of it all is a simple realization: Mattering is not a reward you earn. It is the foundation from which you live.

Check the Full Shownotes here.

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the way you’ve been taught to adapt is actually making you lose yourself?

For weeks, The Adaptive Human has explored what it takes to navigate a world that keeps changing.

Angela Duckworth showed us that our environments shape who we become. Martin Seligman showed us the power of agency. David Epstein revealed how constraints can unlock better thinking. Cole Brauer showed us what happens when you keep moving forward after the world tells you that you can't. Alec Litowitz challenged us to lift our heads and make sure we're not swimming harder in the wrong direction.

But there's one question beneath it all: What happens when adapting to the world requires you to abandon yourself?

In this series finale, John R. Miles brings the lessons of ten conversations together and introduces The Great Erasure—what happens when a culture becomes so focused on measuring our utility, productivity, and output that we gradually lose our sense of being valued simply for who we are.

Because there is a difference between adaptation and compliance. You can change your strategy without changing your values. You can evolve without erasing your identity. You can become more capable without becoming more useful at the expense of your humanity. And ultimately, you can adapt to a changing world without surrendering your agency.

In this episode, John explores:

• Why modern culture has confused adaptability with compliance
• How the “marketplace of mattering” turns worth into something we constantly feel compelled to prove
• Why AI makes defining yourself by your productivity increasingly dangerous
• How we eventually begin treating ourselves like the systems that measure us
• Why agency—not compliance—is the foundation of true adaptation
• Why you need to anchor internally before you can successfully adapt externally
• How constraints, culture, and environment create the foundation for sustainable growth
• Why you cannot optimize what you refuse to value
• What happens when productivity, burnout, loneliness, and disconnection are treated as separate problems
• Why the deeper question underneath all of them may simply be, "Do I matter?"

And then comes the turning point: The Great Erasure is what happens when a world built to measure your utility begins to erase your sense of being valued.

The answer isn't to stop adapting. It's to adapt without abandoning yourself. And that is where The Mattering Effect begins.

Catch the full show notes.

Download the FREE Digital Workbook

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if you're working harder and harder—but you're still moving in the wrong direction?

Alec Litowitz learned this lesson during a mountain bike race in the Pyrenees, when hesitating before a blind downhill jump nearly sent him over the handlebars.

Years later, that same lesson became a framework for how he thinks about investing, leadership, AI, and life: You can't stay stuck between decisions when the environment is moving fast.

Alec is an investor, entrepreneur, and founder of Magnetar Capital who has spent decades making decisions in environments defined by uncertainty. In his new book, The Adaptability Quotient, he argues that the people who thrive in the next era won't necessarily be the smartest, toughest, or most resilient.

They'll be the people who can recognize when the map no longer matches the terrain—and update before reality forces them to. And that matters even more as AI changes not just the tools we use but the environment in which we think.

In this conversation, Alec and I explore:

• Why working harder can make failure worse when you're moving in the wrong direction
• Why intelligence and emotional intelligence aren't enough when the environment changes
• Why adaptability is a meta-skill that tells you where to point your other strengths
• How to recognize when your mental map no longer matches reality
• Why waiting for certainty can become its own form of risk
• Why AI isn't simply a tool—and how it could either expand or erode human agency
• Why your values should remain stable while your strategies evolve
• How to know when to change your mission without abandoning your purpose
• Why feedback loops are essential to making adaptive decisions
• How to stop swimming harder and start asking whether you're still headed in the right direction

Alec also shares a powerful distinction for the AI era: You can be a resistor, an adopter, or an adapter.

• A resistor denies the change.
• An adopter treats the new technology as a tool.
• An adapter recognizes that the technology is changing the environment—and therefore changing the person using it.

That's the deeper challenge of adaptability. The question isn't simply, "How do I keep up with change?” It's: “Who do I need to become when the world I'm operating in has changed?”

Check out the full shownotes.

Get the Companion Digital Workbook

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the things we think are helping our children succeed are actually making it harder for them to become independent?

Dr. Peter Gray has spent decades studying childhood, play, education, and human development. In his new book, Restoring Childhood, he argues that childhood has a fundamental biological purpose: gradually learning to take charge of your own life.

But modern childhood looks increasingly different. More supervision. More structured activities. More academic pressure. More résumé building. Less unsupervised play, exploration, and freedom.

And Peter believes that loss of independence has consequences—not only for how children learn, but for their agency, mental health, ability to discover their passions, and ultimately the adults they become.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why childhood is biologically designed for independence
• Why free play teaches children skills adults can't simply teach them
• How we gradually took freedom and independence away from childhood
• Why turning childhood into résumé building can undermine agency
• How parenting and schooling can suppress a child's innate sense of agency
• The connection between autonomy, self-determination, and feeling that your life matters
• Why children discover their passions through curiosity and exploration—not planning
• How school pressure became a major source of psychological stress for young people
• Why Peter challenges the idea that smartphones alone explain the youth mental health crisis
• What parents can do today to give their children more independence

Peter also shares a simple question every parent can ask their child: “Are there things that you would like to do independently that you're not doing right now?”

Because restoring childhood doesn't necessarily require giving children unlimited freedom. Sometimes it starts by giving them one more opportunity to discover what they can do for themselves.

Get the Full Shownotes

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why What Matters Most Is Rarely the Loudest

What if the things getting the most attention in your life aren't actually the things that matter most?

We live in a world that rewards visibility. The viral headline. The impressive title. The dramatic turnaround. The big announcement. The person who creates the most noise in the room. But some of the most valuable things in life work differently.

They compound quietly.

In this episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles explores why human beings are so easily drawn toward what is visible, dramatic, and immediate—and why that can cause us to overlook the people, decisions, relationships, and foundations that create lasting value.

The episode begins with the famous Joshua Bell experiment, in which one of the world's greatest violinists played a $3.5 million Stradivarius in a Washington, D.C., Metro station and collected just $32.17. The music hadn't changed. The context had.

John then connects this phenomenon to markets, workplaces, leadership, and his own experience at Dell, where a promising Android and cloud strategy was ultimately abandoned amid the company's dependence on Microsoft.

The deeper lesson is about salience: our tendency to notice what is flashy and immediate while overlooking what is subtle and important.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why visibility and value are often two very different things
• What the Joshua Bell experiment reveals about human attention
• Why intelligent people can still get pulled toward hype and spectacle
• How organizations can reward dramatic behavior while overlooking quiet contribution
• What John's experience at Dell taught him about confusing legacy value with future opportunity
• Why human trust, dignity, culture, and connection can be harder to measure—but enormously consequential
• How conformity can cause us to abandon our own judgment when everyone else agrees
• Why Alex Edmans' advice to “see the other side” is such a powerful decision-making practice
• How to use John's Signal Audit to separate external applause from intrinsic value
• Why real adaptability isn't always about moving faster—it can mean stopping, filtering the noise, and seeing what others are missing

The question to take with you is simple: Where are you giving your best energy to something loud while starving something quiet that actually matters?

Because the crowd will always react to what is flashy and immediate. Your job is to learn how to recognize the signal.

Grab the Full Show Notes

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the question you’re avoiding is the one you most need to answer?

We often think courage means doing something difficult or frightening. But Scott Simon says the place people struggle most isn't physical courage—it’s having the courage to ask and answer hard questions.

In this episode, Scott Simon and Gregory Stock bring together two decades-long bodies of work: Scott’s exploration of courage and Gregory’s groundbreaking Book of Questions, which became a New York Times bestseller and sold millions of copies.

Their new book, The Book of Questions: Courage, is built around a simple idea: the right question can take you beneath the surface of your life and reveal what you actually believe, fear, want, and value.

And sometimes, one honest question can change the direction of your life.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why asking yourself a hard question can require more courage than taking action
• The question Scott says cuts directly to the core: What lie are you telling yourself to keep yourself safe that is actually holding you back?
• Why great questions don't give you answers—they create space for self-discovery
• How vulnerability can make people feel more connected rather than more exposed
• Why one meaningful question can turn an ordinary dinner into an hour-long conversation that people remember
• Why we often avoid deeper conversations even with the people we know best
• What we're losing in an increasingly distracted, answer-rich world
• Which questions we should deliberately refuse to outsource to AI
• Why AI can provide information but still cannot tell us who we want to become
• The question Scott believes everyone should ask: What is something extraordinary you've done well before you felt ready or confident?

One of the most powerful ideas in the conversation is that a good question doesn't close a conversation—it opens one. So before you move on with your day, ask yourself:

What is one question I've been avoiding because I already suspect I know the answer? That might be where your next chapter begins.

Get the full show notes

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You're smart. You're informed. So why do you still make terrible decisions?

We like to believe that intelligence and information protect us from bad decisions. They don't.

Professor Alex Edmans, Professor of Finance at London Business School and Fellow of the British Academy, returns to Passion Struck to reveal the psychological forces that can distort our judgment—from confirmation bias and anchoring to herd behavior, emotional decision-making, and our tendency to follow whatever information is most visible.

His new book, The Madness of Markets, uses financial markets to expose a much bigger truth about human behavior: the same biases that influence investors can shape the decisions we make in our careers, leadership, relationships, and everyday lives.

Even Isaac Newton wasn't immune.

In this conversation, Alex explains:

• Why being intelligent doesn't make you rational
• Why more information doesn't necessarily lead to better decisions
• How confirmation bias makes us see evidence that supports what we already believe
• Why we tend to overreact to information that's flashy, visible, and impossible to ignore
• How anchoring causes the first information we encounter to influence our later judgment
• Why millions of people making the same mistake can create collective irrationality rather than canceling one another out
• How compelling stories can overpower better evidence
• Why culture, human capital, reputation, and innovation can matter enormously even when they're difficult to measure
• Why AI may change the decisions humans make without eliminating human bias
• And the one question Alex believes can make you wiser: “What is the other side?”

Alex's advice extends far beyond investing. Before you change jobs, relocate, end a relationship, make a major purchase, or commit to an important belief, look for the strongest argument against your own position.

If you can't see it yourself, find someone you trust who disagrees with you and ask them to make the case. Because becoming a better decision-maker isn't always about knowing more. Sometimes it's about learning to see what you're missing.

Listen to the full shownotes

Download the FREE Companion Digital Workbook

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the proof you're waiting for never comes?

The apology. The promotion. The recognition.

Someone finally admitting they were wrong about you. Someone finally telling you that you belong.

What if you're waiting for proof that you don't actually need?

After conversations with Cole Brauer and psychologist Marisa Franco, John R. Miles noticed a powerful connection between their work.

Cole was told she was too small to survive the Southern Ocean. A year later, she sailed solo, nonstop, and unassisted around the world—without ever receiving the apology or reversal she had been waiting for. Marisa's research reveals the other side of the equation: when we already believe we're unworthy, even love, success, compliments, and positive feedback can fail to change that belief. Sometimes, the evidence simply doesn't match the story we already carry about ourselves.

In this solo episode, John brings those two ideas together to explore The Verification Trap—the tendency to wait for external proof before allowing ourselves to believe we're capable, worthy, or ready to move forward.

You'll discover:

• Why a genuine compliment can sometimes make people feel worse instead of better
• How rejection can become part of the story you believe about yourself
• Why success and achievement don't necessarily resolve a deeper sense of unworthiness
• How your memories can become a database that filters the evidence you receive
• Why waiting for someone to reverse their judgment can keep you stuck
• The difference between being validated and actually believing you're worthy
• What Cole Brauer's story teaches us about moving forward without permission
• Why healing requires honesty rather than constantly trying to become a better version of yourself
• John's two-question Verification Check for identifying where you're waiting for external proof
• How to take the smallest possible step toward something you've been waiting for permission to do

And John gets personal, sharing a previously untold chapter of his own life and what rebuilding after divorce taught him about validation, action, and self-trust. He realized that the proof didn't come before he moved forward.

The proof came after.

The Verification Check

Ask yourself: What specific proof am I waiting for before I let myself move forward?

Then ask: If that proof never arrives, is there a version of this where I go anyway?

Because sometimes you don't need the verdict reversed. You need to leave the dock.

Read the Full Show Notes

Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/. Take the 90-second diagnostic to see if you're disappearing.

Explore the Show: https://passionstruck.com/starter-packs/. New to Passion Struck? Start with the best episodes curated for you.

Connect with John

• Website: https://johnrmiles.com
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Passion Struck — #1 Alternative Health Podcast. 85M+ downloads.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.