Pleasure in the Pause: Midlife Conversations About Menopause, Sex & Pleasure

What did you grow up believing about love? For many of us it was that fate would bring the right person into our lives, we would fall in love, and live happily ever after. But what happens after the happily ever after? We change, our relationships evolve, our desires shift, and somewhere along the way we may realize we are not the same people we were when we first fell in love.

In this episode, Gabriella sits down with Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, social psychologist, sexologist, relationship architect, and author of Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a Lifetime of Love. Drawing on more than 20 years of work with couples in over 40 countries, Dr. Sara challenges the idea that love is something we simply fall into and shares why we have far more agency in creating the relationships we want than we have been led to believe.

Gabriella also shares what she and her husband discovered when they tried an exercise from the book, and why the results pleasantly surprised them both.

Walk away with a new way of thinking about love, a framework for checking in on your relationship, and simple ideas for finding your way back to each other.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, Ph.D., is an award-winning social psychologist, TED Speaker, and global relationship expert bridging personal intimacy, professional excellence, and intercultural fluency. A former advisor to governments, UN agencies, and Fortune 500 companies, her work spans over 40 countries and major media outlets like NPR, BBC, CNN, and the New York Times. Her newest book, Love by Design: 6 ingredients to build a lifetime of love, won the CAMFT Clark Vincent Award. It outlines six research-backed ingredients for thriving relationships: attraction, respect, trust, shared vision, compassion, and loving behaviors. Recognized globally, her honors include awards from the British Council, Pfizer, BBC World Service, AASECT, and Psychotherapy Networker's 2026 Vanguard Award. She holds multiple clinical credentials (AASECT, COSRT, UKCP, AMFT, CAMFT), lives between London and Los Angeles, and travels widely.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why the “you know it when you know it” story about love leaves so many of us feeling thirsty
• The difference between submergent love (one plus one equals one) and emergent love (one plus one equals three)
• What to do when you feel like you have lost yourself in your relationship
• How to find your love blueprint and why it shapes the way you give and receive love
• The six ingredients of lasting love: attraction, respect, trust, shared vision, compassion, and loving behaviors
• A simple four-step process for repairing broken trust
• How couples who feel like roommates can begin to find each other again

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH DR. SARA NASSERZADEH:

Learn more at http://www.sara-nasserzadeh.com/, join her online community here, and follow her on Instagram here.

Author of the Award-Winning Book: Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a lifetime of love

Dive deeper: The Common Ground by Dr. Sara

Explore further :Keynotes and Workshops

In a Coupledom? Take (RPI) a 360-degree review of your coupledom

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Have you ever been told that menopause is when women become invisible?

Years ago, in a doctor’s office in London, Gabriella was handed that story along with her diagnosis. She walked out rejecting it, but those cultural narratives about aging have a way of finding their way back, even when we think we have moved past them.

In this solo episode, Gabriella shares the story of that appointment, what has come up for her since turning 60, and five ways she is learning to become more visible to herself. They are not another list of things to do. They are invitations to pay a little more attention to yourself.

Walk away with simple practices you can try this week and a new way of thinking about what invisibility in midlife actually means.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• The story of the doctor who told Gabriella that midlife is when women become invisible
• Why the invisibility worth refusing is the kind that happens inside us
• How to listen to your body and check in with your nervous system in under a minute
• A simple end-of-day question for nourishing yourself
• Why pleasure and desire are nourishment, not rewards
• How to stop waiting for permission and start trusting yourself
• How to find your voice, set boundaries, and say yes to yourself

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

Links Mentioned:

Watch: The Pause on PBS https://www.pbs.org/show/the-pause/

Ep 123 with K. La Fleur Anders

Ep 46 with Dr. Aviva Romm

Read more on Substack:

The Prescription I Didn’t Take

Follow me on Substack

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Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

What would it look like if menopause finally got the stage it deserves?

Not a medical pamphlet. Not a whispered conversation between friends. But a full hour of honest, warm, sometimes funny, and deeply informative storytelling — on public television — where women could watch and finally feel seen. That is exactly what K. LaFleur-Anders built.

In this episode, Gabriella sits down with Keocha LaFleur-Anders, founder of Coffee Milk Media, executive producer and host of The Pause — a new one-hour PBS special bringing together medical experts, personal stories, and real talk about the physical, emotional, and relational shifts of menopause. Gabriella was a panelist on the show, sharing her perspective on pleasure and sexual wellness in midlife.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Keocha (K.) LaFleur-Anders is a visionary entrepreneur, multimedia storyteller, and founder of Coffee Milk Media, a storytelling studio creating multimedia pathways for positive social impact and well-being. She is also the founder and Executive Producer of TEDxRound Rock Women and TEDxRound Rock Play, and the producer of The Pause on PBS. Recognized for her creativity, innovation, professional excellence, and community impact, Keocha is passionate about building platforms that empower people to be, do, and lead well.

The Pause is a new Austin PBS special opening up an honest conversation about perimenopause, menopause, and beyond. Featuring expert voices and perspectives on the physical, emotional, and relational shifts of midlife, the one-hour special is now available on the PBS App here: https://pbs.org/show/the-pause?source=social

Highlights from our discussion include:

• How a casual comment about brain fog in a PBS meeting sparked the idea for The Pause
• What K. learned about menopause that surprised her most — and it was not the hot flashes
• Why storytelling creates the relief, permission, and language that medical information alone cannot
• What The Pause covers — from symptoms and hormone therapy to sexual health, identity, and midlife relationships
• Why K. wants every woman watching to feel one thing above all else: relief
• What comes next for The Pause and K.’s vision for keeping this conversation going

K. LaFleur-Anders, ’s grandfather taught her that the stories worth telling are the ones people are having in private that have not yet found a public stage.

Menopause was one of those stories.

And now it is on PBS.

CONNECT WITH K LAFLEUR-ANDERS:

Follow K. LaFleur-Anders' Instagram: @klafleuranders and @coffeemilkmedia

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/k-lafleur-anders/

https://www.linkedin.com/company/coffee-milk-media/home/

https://www.coffeemilkmedia.com/

Follow The Pause Panelists:

Dr. Paula Orr: https://www.linkedin.com/in/paula-orr-78a04b70/

Dr. Susan Hardwick-Smith: https://www.instagram.com/drsusanofficial/

Karen Cerezo: https://www.instagram.com/midlife_health_coach/

Gabriella Espinosa: https://www.instagram.com/gabriellaespinosa/

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Have you ever wondered if there is more to orgasm than what you have experienced so far?

Maybe yours feel muted, harder to reach, or further away than they used to. Maybe you have never been quite sure if what you experience counts. Maybe you have been told — by culture, by silence, by your own body — that this chapter is over.

It is not.

In this episode Gabriella sits down with Mangala Holland, somatic sex educator, international orgasm expert, and author of Orgasms Made Easy, for one of the most expansive and practically rich conversations this show has ever had about female pleasure. Mangala has spent 13 years helping women all over the world discover — or rediscover — what is actually possible in their bodies. And her message is clear: orgasm is a learned skill, it has no expiration date, and nobody is broken.

Walk away with a completely new map of what your body is capable of, and where to begin.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Mangala is a Somatic Sex Educator, Trainer and Facilitator with over 13 years’ experience. She has worked with thousands of women worldwide, is the author of the Amazon #1 best-seller, Orgasms Made Easy, and maintains an international client base. Her work has been featured on UK daytime TV and in Vogue, Grazia UK, Marie Claire, The Daily Telegraph, Metro, Daily Mail and Mail Online. She specialises in midlife sexuality, orgasmic confidence, and trauma-informed embodiment. She believes that “We have built a world that trains women to override their bodies - then wonder why they burn out, leave leadership and lose their sense of aliveness. Pleasure isn’t a reward; it’s the operating system for sustainable success.”

Highlights from our discussion include:

• How Mangala found her way from corporate burnout and disconnection to becoming a world-renowned orgasm expert
• What an orgasm actually is — and why thinking about it as an orgasmic state rather than an endpoint changes everything
• The biggest myth Mangala wants to bust about pleasure and menopause
• What gets in the way of orgasm in midlife and how to start dismantling it
• The difference between clitoral, G-spot, cervical, and energetic orgasms — and where to begin exploring
• What to do when you feel numb internally, or when you get close and lose it right at the edge
• How to build a self-pleasure practice from scratch without shame or pressure
• How to bring what you discover into partnership with confidence and without blame

Mangala ends with something I want every woman listening to carry with her.

Prioritizing pleasure has given her the confidence to say no to everything that does not align with who she is. It has made her decisions clearer, her boundaries stronger, and her life more fully hers.

Pleasure is not just a nice feeling. It is a resource. A wellspring of nourishment. Liberation work.

And it is available to you.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH MANGALA HOLLAND:

Website: https://mangalaholland.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mangalaholland/

Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1915771528

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Feel like your vagina has betrayed you? Dryness, leaking, painful sex, and orgasms that feel far away. Here's what's really happening to your vagina in menopause, and my six pillars of vulva vitality to help you feel comfortable, confident, and connected to pleasure again.

I'm kicking off World Menopause Month with a little lighthearted humor. Last week, I took the stage at a comedy club in my hometown of Houston for Dr. Susan Hardwick-Smith's The Gathering: Midlife After Dark, and talked about the things we usually keep hidden in shame and silence. In this episode, I take you behind the scenes of that evening, share why laughter is such powerful medicine for these conversations, and invite you to think of your vulva as a garden: something to know, nourish, and tend with care.

I also share my tried-and-tested intimate wellness products, so your vulva garden can flourish. Find the links and exclusive listener discounts below.

Show your vulva some love and establish a shame free way of connecting to this beautiful part of your anatomy by downloading my FREE Vulva Love Meditation: https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/vulva

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why humor and laughter are some of the most powerful tools for breaking shame around intimate health
• The anatomy lesson most of us never got — including what the clitoris actually is
• What genitourinary syndrome of menopause is and why so many women suffer in silence
• The six pillars of vulva vitality: know your garden, hormonal support, pelvic floor health, hydration, circulation, and red light therapy
• Gabriella's personally recommended intimate wellness products with exclusive listener discounts

GABRIELLA'S PRODUCT RECOMMENDATIONS (Affiliates)

Find The Girlfriend Dr. Julva Moisturizer and Vulve Lubricanthere. Use code PLEASURE for 15% off

Find Oboo Pleasure Toolshere. Use code GABRIELLA for 15% off

Find Fringe Red Light Therapy Wandhere. Use code Gabriella10 for 10% off

EPISODES MENTIONED

Episode 15 with Dr. Maria Uloko
Episode 42 with Dr. Susan Hardwick-Smith
Episode 69 with Dr. Anna Cabeca
Episode 90 with Amy St. Germain

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Why can friendship feel so different in midlife?

As we change, our friendships change too. Some deepen, some drift, and we may find ourselves craving more meaningful connection with women who understand the season of life we’re in.

In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, Gabriella sits down with Nandita Mahadevan, founder of Sol Women, to explore how we cultivate meaningful female friendships in midlife—and what it takes to create the community we’re looking for.

They talk about friendship, belonging, women’s wellness, and how Nandita is bringing women together through Sol Women to have honest conversations about their health, changing bodies, relationships, intimacy, and more.

And if you’ve ever wondered, “Where do I find my people at this stage of my life?” this conversation might inspire you to stop waiting for the invitation—and become the woman who makes it.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Nandita Mahadevan is the founder of Sol Women, a community based in Austin, Texas that brings together functional medicine, mindset coaching, nervous system regulation, and female sisterhood to support women navigating perimenopause, menopause, and midlife transformation. With over 20 years of experience in the functional medicine and wellness space, Nandita co-founded Sol Women alongside nurse practitioner and functional medicine expert Lauren Colletti after their own transformative journey together at a retreat in Costa Rica.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why our friendships and what we need from them can change in midlife
• How to cultivate deeper, more meaningful female friendships
• What to do when friendships drift, change, or come to an end
• Why community and connection matter to our well-being
• How to start building the community you’re craving—even if it begins with just a few women

Nandita ended our conversation with something that landed in my whole body.

Sisterhood is the true medicine.

Loneliness, she reminded us, is now recognized as having the same health impact as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. We are deeply connected through our screens and deeply disconnected from one another. And what women are craving — in Nandita's retreats, in the Sol Women community, and in conversations like this one — is the thing that has always been the medicine. Each other.

Gabriella is thrilled to be joining Nandita and Lauren as an invited facilitator at the upcoming Sol Women three-day retreat in Austin. If you have been craving exactly this kind of connection, the details are in the show notes.

And if you are listening and wondering how to create this in your own life, Nandita's advice is simple. Do not wait to be invited. Become the woman who invites.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH NANDITA MAHADEVAN:

Nandita’s IG

SolWomen IG

SolWomen Website

Free Health & Lifestyle Assessment

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Most women know the feeling. You say yes. Your body shows up. But some part of you is somewhere else entirely — running through tomorrow's to-do list, waiting for it to be over, checking a box so you will not be expected to again for a week.

It is called duty sex. And it is one of the most common and least talked-about dynamics in long-term relationships.

In this episode for Sexual Health Awareness Month, Gabriella sits down with Dr. Holly Richmond, somatic psychologist, certified sex therapist, and author of Reclaiming Pleasure, for one of the most honest and practically rich conversations this show has ever had about desire, self-abandonment, and what it actually takes to move from going through the motions to having sex worth wanting.

This is not a conversation about broken relationships or broken women. Nobody is broken here. But the system — the way we were taught to think about desire, consent, and our own pleasure — needs a serious upgrade. And this episode is a very good place to start.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Dr. Holly Richmond is a somatic psychotherapist, certified sex therapist and sex therapy supervisor, and Associate Director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. An internationally recognized therapist, high-profile couples coach, speaker, retreat facilitator, and author of Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life, she takes a sex-positive approach to helping clients build healthy relationships and improve their sex lives in ways that are authentic, embodied and long-lasting. With a significant media following, her work has been featured in The New York Times, CNN, Oprah, Forbes, Netflix, NBC, and Cosmopolitan, among others.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• What duty sex actually is and the difference between self-abandonment and a generous act of connection
• What happens in a woman's body when she repeatedly says yes while part of her means no — numbness, resentment, and pain as the body's way of speaking
• Spontaneous versus responsive desire and why understanding the difference changes everything for midlife women
• What a sexual template is, why most women have never developed one, and how to start
• The three-part framework from Reclaiming Pleasure — control, pleasure, and connection — and how to use it to assess whether sex is happening in a sex-positive way
• The four things the healthiest couples do: active appreciations, giving the benefit of the doubt, affectionate touch without expectation, and talking about sex
• Why nobody is broken — the lower desire partner, the higher desire partner, or the relationship — and what actually needs to change

Dr. Holly Richmond says it plainly at the end of this conversation: nobody is broken here. Not the lower desire partner. Not the higher desire partner. The system is broken. And most of it can be repaired with more communication, more transparency, and more willingness to actually talk about sex — which almost none of us were taught to do.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH DR. HOLLY:

Website

Instagram

RESOURCES:

Book: Reclaiming Pleasure by Dr. Holly Richmond

Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski

Episode 116 — How to Take the Vacation Version of You Home

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

September is Sexual Health Awareness Month, and this year's World Sexual Health Day theme is Every Body — a reminder that sexual health, pleasure, and intimacy matter at every age and in every body, including our changing midlife bodies.

To kick off the month, Gabriella welcomes Dr. Peter Castillo, a double board-certified urogynecologist and founder of Swan Medical Intimate Wellness in Los Gatos, California. Dr. Castillo is one of the rare physicians who treats pelvic and sexual health not as a side conversation but as central to a woman's overall health and longevity. He is also, refreshingly, a man who has built his entire career around listening to women about the most intimate changes happening in their bodies — and doing something about it.

This conversation covers everything from the early signs of hormonal decline most women miss, to testosterone's far-reaching role beyond libido, to the truth about pelvic organ prolapse, to why partners need to be included in this conversation far earlier than they are. It is a rich, science-backed, and deeply practical episode for Sexual Health Awareness Month and beyond.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Dr. Peter Castillo is a double board-certified urogynecologist and founder of Swan Medical Intimate Wellness in Los Gatos and Danville, California. He specializes in female pelvic medicine, reconstructive surgery, and sexual health, with a focus on helping women navigate the changes that come through childbirth, menopause, and aging. A bilingual international lecturer, he has trained physicians across the United States, Europe, and Latin America, and has led multicenter trials on genitourinary syndrome of menopause. His practice treats pelvic and sexual health as essential to a woman's overall health and longevity.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why intimacy can be a biomarker of overall health and what changes in sexual health can signal about the rest of the body
• The role of testosterone beyond libido — muscle mass, mood, motivation, cognitive function, and longevity
• What genitourinary syndrome of menopause is and why it affects far more women than know it has a name and a treatment
• What pelvic organ prolapse actually is, how common it is, and why most women are never told it is treatable
• The full range of regenerative and hormonal treatments available for arousal, sensation, and orgasmic changes in midlife
• Why partners need to be part of the menopause conversation — and Dr. Castillo's No Partner Left Behind initiative
• A simple sexual longevity prescription: if intimacy matters to you, do not let it go

Dr. Castillo's prescription for every woman listening is simple. If intimacy has always mattered to you, do not accept that it has to go. Seek a therapist, read books, find treatments, bring your partner to the appointment, do whatever it takes. We have a long life ahead of us. And protecting sexual health is part of protecting that life.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH DR. CASTILLO:

Swan Medical: http://swanmed.com

Instagram

LinkedIn

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

American Urogynecologic Society directory: http://augs.org

ISSWSH directory: http://isswsh.org

CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:

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Work with Gabriella!

Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Gabriella is back from two weeks in Portugal and sitting at her desk, shoulders already creeping up toward her ears, pelvic floor clenching, inbox blinking. September is here. The calendar is filling. And the vacation version of herself is being tested in real time.

But instead of pushing through the tension the way she always has, she pauses. Takes a breath. Softens. And asks herself a question she wants to explore with every woman listening: do I actually need all this tension in order to do the things I am here to do?

In this solo episode, Gabriella draws on the go and flow framework from Michaela Boehm's The Wild Woman's Way to explore one of the most overlooked questions in women's productivity and wellbeing — not how do I get out of go mode, but how am I inhabiting it? She walks listeners through a guided body scan, three nervous system practices for different states, and a simple invitation to bring more ease, sensation, and pleasure into the middle of a full and purposeful life.

This is not about slowing down. It is about moving forward without the clench.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• The go and flow framework from Michaela Boehm's The Wild Woman's Way and why the goal is not less go but more ease within it
• Why a regulated nervous system is not the same as a calm one — we need activation, we just do not need all the extra tension we pile on top of it
• A guided body scan to notice where you are holding more tension than the moment actually requires
• Three nervous system practices: conscious softening and breathing, a shaking practice to move built-up tension through the body, and floor rest when the body needs stillness
• What to do when the body needs energy rather than rest — and why movement often creates the motivation we have been waiting for
• Why pleasure does not have to be the reward for finishing your life — it can be part of how you live it

We do not have to choose between being productive and being present. We can bring energy, focus, ambition, and purpose to the work that matters to us while also bringing a little more ease into the way we do it. Intention without the tension. Focus without the clench. A little more flow in the way we go.

This week, every once in a while while you are in go mode, pause and ask yourself: what does my body need from me right now? Do I need to soften or do I need to mobilize? And if you notice tension, before you decide you need to stop everything and add another self-care practice to your list, just notice your body. Maybe you do not need to stop. Maybe you just need to release the clench.

If this episode resonated, subscribe to Pleasure in the Pause and share it with a woman in your life who is already bracing for September. Gabriella will be back next week kicking off Sexual Health Awareness Month with a very special guest.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

Resources mentioned:

The Wild Woman's Way by Michaela Boehm

Episode 107: From Survival Mode to Self-Connection

CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:

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Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

You know her. She shows up every time you go away.

More relaxed. More present. More alive. Laughing more easily, sleeping more deeply, feeling more connected to yourself and to the people you love. And yes, often more open to intimacy too.

She is your vacation self. And the moment you land back home and the suitcase opens, she disappears — absorbed back into the inbox, the to-do list, and the doing mode that swallows everything else.

But here is what Gabriella wants you to know. The vacation version of you is not a different woman. She is you under different conditions. Conditions where your nervous system finally gets to exhale. Where it is not scanning for the next thing, not bracing, not managing. Just settled, soft, and safe enough to feel pleasure.

Which means you do not need a plane ticket to find her again.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

In this end-of-summer solo episode, Gabriella explores what the vacation version of you can teach you about presence, pleasure, and connection — and offers a practical vacation self-audit to help you recreate the conditions, not the destination, once September arrives.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why the vacation version of you is not a different woman — she is you under different nervous system conditions
• The dual control model from Emily Nagoski's Come as You Are — the sexual accelerator and brake, and why removing what hits the brakes matters more than adding more
• The science of novelty and self-expansion — why shared new experiences deepen closeness and can reignite desire
• Why sensuality does not have to be sexual and how one deliberately sensory moment a day builds the capacity for pleasure
• How co-regulation and unstructured time together quietly stoke connection and desire without any pressure or destination
• The vacation self-audit — four questions to help you identify what to bring home with you before September takes over

The vacation version of you remembered something. That rest is allowed. That pleasure does not have to be earned. That being present to what is actually happening right now, the taste of something good, the feel of warm air, the ease of being with someone you love without any agenda, is not an indulgence. It is the point.

So before September fills the calendar back in, Gabriella invites you to ask yourself one question. What did the vacation version of me remember that the everyday version of me tends to forget?

Whatever the answer is, bring a little bit of her home with you.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Two women. Both champions in the midlife women's health space. Both celebrating their 25th wedding anniversaries in the same summer. And both deeply committed to changing the conversation around intimacy, pleasure, and connection in midlife.

In this episode Gabriella sits in the interviewee seat again, joining Dr. Tina Sogocio, physician and menopause educator, for an Instagram Live conversation about what it actually takes to keep love alive through one of the most destabilizing transitions a woman can go through. This is a conversation between two midlife women comparing notes — on long marriages, on the changes menopause brings to intimacy and identity, on what couples who come out stronger actually do differently, and on why this generation of women has an opportunity their mothers never did.

Warm, honest, and full of practical wisdom from both sides of the exam room, this episode will leave you feeling seen, informed, and a little more hopeful about what is possible in love and intimacy in this season of life.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Dr. Tina Sogocio is a physician, menopause educator, and advocate focused on helping women better understand and navigate the hormonal transitions of midlife. Through both her clinical care and public education work, she supports women during perimenopause, menopause, and the years that follow. In addition to caring for patients, Dr. Sogocio speaks and leads community conversations that bring clear, compassionate insight to women’s health and midlife well-being.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why menopause pulls the Band-Aid off and makes couples vulnerable in ways they were not prepared for
• How couples who come out stronger approach change with curiosity rather than going quiet
• Why feeling seen and heard by a partner is the foundation of intimacy and the best foreplay there is
• The difference between therapy and coaching and why both play a vital role in midlife healing
• How the nervous system river metaphor explains why so many women cannot find their way back to pleasure, joy, and connection
• Why doctors have to do better at asking directly about intimate health and what women can do when they do not
• Why this generation of women is redefining what love, intimacy, and pleasure look like in the second half of life

Dr. Tina said something near the end of our conversation that I keep coming back to. It is not a one and done. We are constantly evolving. And the post-menopausal years are not a winding down. They are an invitation to live into. Our generation of women has an opportunity our mothers never had — to redefine who we are becoming and how we want to live, love, and feel in this season of life. That is not a small thing. That is everything.

If this episode resonated, subscribe to Pleasure in the Pause and share it with a woman or a couple in your life who needs this conversation. And if you want to go deeper into this work, you will find all of Gabriela's coaching resources at pleasureinthepause.com.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH DR. TINA SOGOCIO:

https://www.mocimerced.com/

https://www.instagram.com/the.drtina

https://www.youtube.com/@the.drtina

https://www.facebook.com/mociwellness

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Episode 114 — Intimate Wellness with Sally Mueller and Womaness

Episode 110 — How Co-Regulation Deepens Intimacy

Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

This one is a little different. For over 100 episodes Gabriella has been the one asking the questions. This time, Sally Mueller, co-founder and CEO of Womaness, turns the tables. And what comes out of that conversation is one of the most practical and honest discussions this show has ever had about intimate wellness, comfort, and what it actually means to take care of this part of your body.

Womaness is a brand that has been modernizing the conversation around menopause and intimate wellness through education, community, and thoughtfully designed products that support women from head to toe. Gabriella has been a proud Womaness brand partner for several years because she genuinely believes in their mission. In this episode she shares her personal story, her own five-step intimate wellness routine, and a recent experience that reminded her why consistency in this area of self-care is not negotiable.

The biggest message throughout? Intimate wellness is not about sex. It is about comfort, confidence, connection, and quality of life. And you deserve to prioritize it.

Womaness has generously offered listeners of Pleasure in the Pause an exclusive 20% discount on their intimate wellness collection. Visit womaness.com and use code PLEASURE at checkout.

Products mentioned in this episode:
- MELT For You vaginal inserts — internal hydration and tissue support
- Daily V Soothe — external comfort and ongoing moisture
- Coco Bliss — rich external moisture for intimacy and everyday comfort

Use Code PLEASURE for 20% off all Womaness Sexual Wellness products

Sally Mueller, Co-Founder and CEO of Womaness, is transforming the conversation on aging and menopause. An expert in retail and brand innovation with a proven track record for trend forecasting, she has worked with major brands like Target, Who What Wear, and VERSED skincare. Inspired by her own health journey and a lack of modern menopause resources, Sally created Womaness with co-founder Michelle Jacobs. The brand offers expert- and doctor-backed solutions, fostering a movement that empowers women to celebrate life after 40. With over 20 years at Target Corporation in Apparel Merchandising and Marketing, Sally is an industry leader celebrated for her business acumen across fashion, beauty, and lifestyle.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why intimate wellness is about comfort, confidence, and quality of life — not just what happens in the bedroom
• The difference between hydration and lubrication, and why most women need both
• Why silence around intimate health creates shame, and why speaking up changes everything
• How to advocate for yourself with your partner and your doctor when it comes to intimate health changes
• Why being proactive about intimate wellness — before symptoms become severe — is the most important shift a woman can make
• The role of self-pleasure in supporting tissue health, body connection, and overall wellbeing

Your comfort matters first. Not anyone else's. And the changes that come with perimenopause and menopause are common — but suffering through them in silence does not have to be. There are solutions, there is support, and there are products designed specifically to help you feel comfortable, confident, and connected to your body every single day.

Use Code PLEASURE for 20% off all Womaness Sexual Wellness products.

CONNECT WITH SALLY MUELLER:

Womaness: https://womaness.com/collections/menopause-sexual-health-and-feminine-care

Womaness Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mywomaness/

Sally Mueller LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sally-mueller/

Episode with Ashley Kelsch

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

For more than 20 years, Robyn Parets lived with chronic illness, anxiety, and a body that always seemed to be fighting something. She saw countless practitioners, tried everything she could find, and kept pushing through — the way high-achieving women do. What she did not understand was that underneath every diagnosis, every symptom, and every exhausting flare was a nervous system that had simply lost its way home.

It was not until she discovered nervous system regulation and somatic breathwork that everything began to shift. Her body remembered what safety felt like. And from that place of safety, real healing became possible.

In this installment of the Return to Her series, Gabriella sits down with Robyn Parets, yoga teacher, breathwork facilitator, and nervous system coach, for one of the most personal and practically rich conversations in this series. Robyn shares what 20-plus years of survival mode actually felt like in her body, the moment on the floor after a treadmill collapse that changed everything, and the two things that finally moved the needle after decades of searching. She also guides listeners through a simple breathwork practice they can begin using today.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Robyn Parets is a yoga teacher, somatic breathwork facilitator, and nervous system coach who helps others find their way back to safety, regulation, and aliveness after years of chronic stress, illness, and dysregulation. After more than two decades navigating chronic illness including POTS, Lyme disease, SIBO, and mold toxicity, Robyn found her healing through brain retraining and somatic breathwork and now guides others through the same journey. She and Gabriella met at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York, during an intensive nervous system training.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• What 20 years of living above the window of regulation actually felt like in Robyn's body and how she finally recognized it as survival mode
• The treadmill moment that became her turning point and why she knew on the floor that she was the only one who could heal herself
• How brain retraining works and why repetition is the key to creating new patterns in the brain and nervous system
• Why feeling safe in the body is not just an emotional experience but a physiological prerequisite for healing
• The physiological sigh, a simple two-breath practice that tones the vagus nerve and helps bring the nervous system back to safety in minutes
• What life looks and feels like on the other side — from black and white to technicolor

When Gabriella asked Robyn what she would say to the version of herself who was still searching for answers and still pushing through, her answer was short and completely whole.

You are brave. And you can do hard things. And the power exists within you to make the changes you need.

That is the heart of this series. And it is the heart of this conversation.

If this episode resonated, subscribe to Pleasure in the Pause and share it with a woman in your life who has been white-knuckling her way through something she cannot quite name. And if you want to go deeper into nervous system work, Robyn's details are in the show notes below.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH ROBYN PARETS:

New England Breathwork Website

New England Breathwork Instagram

Robyn's Instagram

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Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Have you ever found yourself in a meeting, searching for a word that used to come effortlessly, or suddenly losing your train of thought in front of a room full of people? Have you quietly wondered whether you are losing your edge, your confidence, or your ambition — without ever connecting it to what is actually happening in your body?

Menopause does not wait until our careers wind down. It arrives right in the middle of them, when women are leading teams, growing businesses, mentoring others, and stepping into some of the most influential years of their professional lives. And yet it remains one of the most underaddressed issues in both medicine and the workplace.

In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, Gabriela sits down with Dr. Arianna Sholes-Douglas, board-certified OBGYN, integrative women's health expert, and author of The Menopause Myth, for a wide-ranging and deeply honest conversation about what menopause is actually doing to women at work, what it is costing companies and the broader economy, and why Dr. Arianna refuses to frame this transition as a decline. She calls it an evolution. And once you hear why, you will too.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Dr. Arianna Sholes-Douglas is a board-certified OBGYN, integrative women's health expert, nationally recognized speaker, and author of The Menopause Myth: What Your Mother, Doctor, and Friends Never Told You About Life After 35. She is the founder of Tula Wellness and Aesthetics in Tucson, Arizona, and host of the Stay Juicy podcast. After her own perimenopause awakening led her to leave traditional medicine and build an integrative practice focused on the whole woman, she became one of the leading voices helping employers understand that menopause is not just a women's health issue. It is a workplace issue.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why even a trained OBGYN missed her own perimenopause — and what that tells us about the gap in menopause education
• The real cost of untreated menopause in the workplace: $1.8 billion lost annually in productivity and $26.6 billion in overall healthcare costs
• How brain fog, ADHD-like symptoms, and loss of executive function show up for high-achieving women at the peak of their careers
• Why Black and Latina women are disproportionately impacted economically by the menopause transition
• What employers can do right now to support women through this transition and stop draining institutional knowledge from the workforce
• Why Dr. Arianna calls menopause an evolution rather than a decline, and what that reframe changes for women in midlife

Dr. Arianna's advice for women listening right now is simple and radical at the same time. Err on the side of doing too much for yourself. Because even then, you will probably not be close to what you actually deserve.

Menopause is not the end of your most productive, purposeful, and powerful years. For so many women it is where they finally begin. If this episode gave you language for something you have been living without words for, please share it with someone who needs it too.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH DR. ARIANNA :

Dr. Arianna'swebsite

Book a consultation at Tula Wellness & Aesthetics

Purchase her book on Amazon

Podcast on Spotify and Apple and Youtube (available on all major platforms)

Follow her on socials:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LinkedIn⁠⁠

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Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

When was the last time you asked yourself what you actually want?

For many women, menopause is the first time that question becomes impossible to ignore. The body is changing. Desire is shifting. And relationships that have been running on autopilot for years are suddenly asking to be looked at more honestly.

In this episode, Gabriela sits down with Sari Cooper, AASECT-certified sex therapist and founder of the Center for Love and Sex in New York City, for one of the most expansive and shame-free conversations this show has ever had. Sari explains why menopause is often the elephant in the therapy room, why low desire is almost never just hormonal, and how the concept she calls sex esteem — knowing what you want, owning it, and communicating it with confidence — changes everything for women in midlife.

They go places this podcast has not gone before. Consensual non-monogamy. Gray divorce. The erotic mind. Infidelity and what comes after. And throughout all of it, the invitation is the same: approach your sexuality and yourself with more curiosity and less judgment.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Sari Cooper is an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Supervisor and Founder and Director of the Center for Love and Sex (CLS), a boutique group practice specializing in sex therapy, couples counseling and individual clients challenged with erotic and sexual disorders. She created Sex Esteem, LLC to provide coaching, books, blogs and Talks to the public on critical cutting-edge insight on how to center one’s sexual pleasure in dating, ‘relationshipping’ and mating.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why menopause is still the elephant in the therapy room and what it will take to change that
• How to tell a partner what is changing in your body in a way they can actually understand
• Why low desire is almost never just hormonal and what the full picture actually looks like
• What sex esteem is and the three things it requires: consciousness, confidence, and communication
• Why taking penetration off the table can actually be the most liberating thing a couple does together
• What consensual non-monogamy looks like in practice and when couples start considering it
• Why gray divorce is so often initiated by women and what menopause has to do with it

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

Sari ends with something I want every woman in this community to carry with her. Sexual and erotic agency begins with yourself. Give yourself permission to slow down, check in, and locate where it is that you feel pleasure, desire, or even just interest or curiosity. Start from there.

Before we can ask someone else to understand us, we first have to understand ourselves. That is what sex esteem is really about. And this episode is a beautiful place to begin.

If this episode resonated, subscribe to Pleasure in the Pause and share it with someone who needs this conversation. And if someone came to mind while you were listening, that is your sign to send it to them.

Resources mentioned:
Sari Cooper: http://centerforloveandsex.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/-sari-cooper-center-for-love-and-sex/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/saricooperofficial/

CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:

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Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

You know the feeling. You have been going since morning — emails, deadlines, the relentless doing. Your nervous system has been in full output mode for hours. And then evening comes, your partner moves in close wanting to connect, and your body just shuts down. Not because you don't love them. Simply because you have nothing left to give.

If you have ever thought "I want to want, I just can't get there from here" — this episode is for you.

In this solo episode, Gabriella introduces one of the most powerful and underused concepts in relationship science: co-regulation. Rooted in polyvagal theory and the science of connection, co-regulation is what happens when two nervous systems help each other find their way back to safety, warmth, and presence. It is not about sex. It is not about performance. It is about the small, intentional acts of connection that happen all day long — and that make intimacy feel possible again by the time evening comes.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• What co-regulation is and why our nervous systems are never operating in isolation
• The difference between co-regulation and codependency — and why leaning into your partner is biology, not weakness
• Emotional intimacy and emotional attunement — what they are and what they feel like in the body
• How the window of regulation connects to intimacy and why connection is genuinely out of reach when we are outside it
• Five practical ways to kindle connection with your partner without pressure, expectation, or any destination in mind
• Why pleasure does not begin with desire — it begins with safety

Co-regulation does not require a perfect relationship or a perfect moment. It requires willingness. And the understanding that connection is not something that happens to you. It is something you and your partner create in the smallest, most ordinary moments all day long.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

Resources mentioned:

Free Embodiment Tune-In Audio → Download Here

Ep 107 — From Survival Mode to Self-Connection

Ep 91 — Colette Jane Feehr and The Cost of Quiet

Book: The Nervous System Reset by Jessica McGuire

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Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Most women step into perimenopause the same way Gabriela did — in the dark, without language, without a roadmap, and without anyone telling them what was actually happening in their bodies. The anxiety, the brain fog, the rage, the fatigue, the loss of libido — they could feel it all, but they could not make sense of it. Dr. Mariza Snyder felt the same way. Even after 17 years of clinical experience supporting women through this transition.

In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, Gabriela sits down with Dr. Mariza Snyder for one of the most layered and honest conversations this show has ever had. This is a deeply intergenerational conversation and together they bridge that gap and pass the wisdom forward.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Dr. Mariza Snyder is a powerhouse advocate for midlife women, leveraging 17+ years as a practitioner, author, and speaker to spark a massive movement for women in perimenopause and beyond. With her top-rated Energized with Dr. Mariza podcast, she’s a trusted guide, offering science-backed solutions for perimenopause and metabolic health. Her new book, The Perimenopause Revolution, is the ultimate resource for women ready to take charge of their health and embrace perimenopause with resilience and confidence. Check out her website, http://drmariza.com/, for solutions to thrive.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The often-overlooked connection between hormones and the nervous system
• How to distinguish what's hormonal from what may be years of accumulated stress and over-functioning
• The role of rage as a messenger rather than something to suppress
• The practical tools women can use to move through this transition with greater resilience

You are not going to be the same woman on the other side of this transition. That is not a warning. That is a promise. Perimenopause is equally as destabilizing as it is transformative — and the more you understand what your body is doing and why, the more you can move through it with clarity, compassion, and a sense of what is actually possible on the other side.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH DR. MARIZA SNYDER:

FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/drmarizasnyder/

Insta: https://instagram.com/drmariza/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/drmarizasnyder

LINKS MENTIONED:

Episode 107 — From Survival Mode to Self-Connection https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/blog/nervous-system-reset-for-midlife-women

Episode 106 — The Menopause Gut with Cynthia Thurlow https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/blog/midlife-sobriety-and-returning-to-yourself-with-ashley-kelsch

CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:

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Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

What if the question is not why can't I quit, but what is this doing for me?

In this installment of the Return to Her series, Gabriela sits down with Ashley Kelsch, writer, coach, and somatic practitioner who helps midlife women change their relationship with alcohol and reconnect with themselves. Ashley spent a decade running a sexual wellness shop in Austin, where women quietly confided things in dressing rooms they were not sharing with anyone else — and underneath it all was the same thread. Disconnection from their bodies, their desires, and their needs, often soothed with a glass of wine.

This conversation explores what women are really reaching for when they pour that glass, why alcohol can feel like relief, confidence, freedom, and connection, and what happens when we discover those things were never in the wine to begin with. They talk about the difference between being uninhibited and truly inhabited, why midlife often feels like a crisis when it is actually an awakening, and why women's sexual pleasure is their birthright, not something to wait for or outsource.

This conversation is not really about alcohol. It is about what happens when a woman stops outsourcing her aliveness and starts coming home to herself.

Are you ready to awaken your sensuality and feel more empowered in your body? Access the FREE Pleasure Upgrade Bundle at https://www.pleasureinthepause.com/gift.

Ashley Kelsch is a writer, coach, and somatic practitioner who helps midlife women change their relationship with alcohol and reconnect with their bodies, desire, and aliveness. After a decade running a sexual wellness retail space in Austin, Texas, she became a life coach focused on dating, sex, and relationships before discovering the common thread connecting so many of the women she worked with — gray area drinking as a way of outsourcing relief, confidence, and connection. She has been alcohol-free for over four years and recently was accepted into the Somatic Experiencing Institute to deepen her trauma-informed work.

Highlights from our discussion include:

• Why Ashley believes women don't have a drinking problem, they have an aliveness problem
• What women are really looking for when they pour that glass of wine — and why it is an exhale, not the wine itself
• The four-part framework: reveal, reclaim, rewire, rebuild
• The difference between being uninhibited and being inhabited
• Why alcohol affects women's bodies differently in midlife as hormones decline
• Why pleasure and sensuality are self-care, and why a glass of wine is not
• One simple practice — pause before you pour — to start reconnecting with what you actually need

Sobriety is not really about stopping. It is about what you find when you do. Ashley's story is a reminder that so many of the things we reach for outside ourselves — wine, distraction, escape — are often pointing us toward something we have been taught to disconnect from. The work is not abstinence. The work is coming home.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH ASHLEY KELSCH:

Website

Instagram

Substack

LINKS MENTIONED:

Episode 107— From Survival Mode to Self-Connection

CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:

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Work with Gabriella!

Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

Have you ever lain awake at 3am, heart racing, mind running through a list of worries you cannot seem to turn off? Or maybe it is the opposite — you move through your days flat, numb, going through the motions of a life that looks perfectly fine from the outside while feeling strangely absent from it on the inside.

Both of those states have a name. And neither of them is a personal failing.

In this solo episode, Gabriela shares one of the most foundational concepts in nervous system work — the window of regulation — and explains why understanding it as a map of your biology rather than just your emotions changes everything. Drawing on her recent immersion at the Omega Institute with nervous system educator Jessica McGuire, and weaving in her own deeply personal story of survival mode, perimenopause, and coming home to herself, Gabriela walks you through what dysregulation actually looks like in midlife, why it so often gets mistaken for a character flaw, and two simple practices to begin returning to your window right now.

This is not just an episode to listen to. It is one to feel.

Highlights from our discussion include

• What the window of regulation is and why it is a map of your biology, not just your emotions
• What hyperarousal looks like in midlife women — including the version that looks like overachieving and perfectionism
• What hypoarousal looks like — the flat, numb, going-through-the-motions version so many women recognize
• Why stress followed by genuine recovery builds resilience, and why overriding your own limits destroys it
• How adverse childhood experiences connect to a more difficult perimenopause transition
• Two guided practices — exteroception and containment — to return to regulation right now
• Why regulation is not a wellness trend but the foundation of sleep, desire, digestion, and connection

The window of regulation is not about becoming someone who never gets dysregulated. It is about building the capacity to return — more quickly, more gently, more reliably — to the place where life can actually be lived.

If you heard your own story somewhere in this episode, your nervous system is not broken. It is doing what it learned to do, sometimes a long time ago, in a body that is now changing. That is not a flaw. That is information. And information is where we begin.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

Links Mentioned:

The Nervous System Reset by Jessica McGuire Website

Ep 75

Ep 106 Cynthia Thurlow

Dr. Dan Siegel Website

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The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.

What if the brain fog, the broken sleep, the mood swings, the weight that won't budge, and the libido that has gone missing are not a collection of separate problems? What if they are one connected story and the missing piece of that story is your gut?

In this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, Gabriela sits down with Cynthia Thurlow, nurse practitioner, bestselling author, and host of the Everyday Wellness podcast, to explore her groundbreaking new book The Menopause Gut: Balance Your Microbiome to Reclaim Your Health in Midlife and Beyond. Cynthia has spent a decade working exclusively with midlife women, and what she keeps seeing is this: women doing all the right things and still not feeling like themselves. Her book offers a fascinating new lens through which to understand why, and what to do about it.

Cynthia Thurlow is a nurse practitioner, two-time TEDx speaker, international speaker, and CEO and founder of the Everyday Wellness Project. With over 25 years of experience in health and wellness, she is a globally recognized expert in perimenopause, menopause, intermittent fasting, and women's metabolic health. Her latest book The Menopause Gut: Balance Your Microbiome to Reclaim Your Health in Midlife and Beyond is available everywhere books are sold.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What the gut microbiome actually is and why it sits at the center of midlife health
• The estrobolome — the part of your gut that processes and eliminates estrogen — and why it matters on HRT
• How the gut and brain are connected through the vagus nerve and what that means for mood, anxiety, and desire
• Why 90% of serotonin is made in the gut and what that means for midlife mood swings
• How trauma history contributes to weight loss resistance and early menopause
• Practical starting points: protein, fiber, sleep rituals, strength training, and the power of saying no
• Why supporting your gut ripples out into energy, vitality, mood, and pleasure

My hope is that this episode helps you see your symptoms as one connected story — and gives you a clear, practical place to begin.

Cynthia says it simply: major in the majors. Before the supplements and the protocols and the testing, it is the basics — how you eat, how you sleep, how you manage stress, and how honestly you honor your own limits — that move the needle most. Your gut is not a separate system. It is the ecosystem everything else depends on.

If this episode resonated, subscribe to Pleasure in the Pause and share it with a woman in your life who has been doing all the right things and still not feeling like herself. And grab Cynthia's book — it is one of the most practical and comprehensive guides to midlife health I have come across.

If you're seeking to reclaim your pleasure and vitality, join Gabriella at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.pleasureinthepause.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for this enlightening journey into the heart of female pleasure and empowerment.

CONNECT WITH CYNTHIA THURLOW:

Website

Instagram

Podcast

Substack

CONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:

Instagram

LinkedIn

Work with Gabriella!

Full episodes on YouTube.

The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.