We Can Do Hard Things

Why do so many of us feel responsible for everyone else's happiness while struggling to believe we're enough? Psychotherapist and Father Wound author Terri Cole joins us to uncover how our relationships with our fathers shape our self-worth, relationships, and the roles we play long into adulthood—and how to finally break free.

- The surprising signs you may have a father wound—even if you had a great dad.

- Why perfectionism, people-pleasing, and hyper-independence may be rooted in childhood.

- How we learn to earn love instead of simply receiving it.

- Why so many women reach a breaking point in midlife.

- How to stop managing everyone else and start living your own life.

More with Terri Cole:

Ep 402. Are You A High Functioning Codependent? Find Out with Terri Cole

About Terri:

Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global relationship and empowerment expert and the author of Boundary Boss and Too Much!

For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs. She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change.

She inspires over a million people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show.

Her new book, Father Wound: Break Unhealthy Patterns to Reclaim Your Worth and Power, is available on November 17.

Enroll in Terri’s course: Understand & Transform Your Father Wound.

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What does it look like to keep showing up when the world gives you every reason to disappear?

Writer and artist Chanel Miller joins us for an unforgettable conversation about depression, healing, and her definition of success: refusing perfection and exhaustion, and continuing to show up as exactly who she is.

- Chanel’s brilliant way of understanding depression: seeing life through “toilet paper roll binoculars”—and why we shouldn’t make big decisions when our vision has narrowed;

- Why healing might sometimes be the permission to finally let go and move forward;

- How Chanel learned that presence—not perfection—is success;

- Why refusing to give up can itself be an act of resistance; and

- The extraordinary moment Chanel returned to Stanford, was “held in sound,” and heard the message that set her free: We got it. You can go now.

About Chanel:

Chanel Miller is a writer and artist who received her BA in Literature from the University of California, Santa Barbara. Her critically acclaimed memoir, KNOW MY NAME, was a New York Times bestseller, a New York Times Book Review Notable Book, and a National Book Critics Circle Award winner, as well as a best book of 2019 in Time, the Washington Post, the Chicago Tribune, NPR, and People, among others. She is a 2019 Time Next 100 honoree and a 2016 Glamour Woman of the Year honoree under her pseudonym, “Emily Doe.”

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The most shocking thing about the Cornell and LSU sexual assault cases? That Cornell and LSU delivered more substantial results to those survivors than that afforded to 95% of college women brave enough to report their assaults to Universities.

So what actually happens when a student reports a sexual assault to their university?

Amanda sits down with sociologist and On the Wrong Side author Dr. Nicole Bedera—the researcher who spent a year embedded inside a university Title IX system—to pull back the curtain on the process we tell our kids to trust.

They reveal:

- How the vast majority of sexual assault reports lead to absolutely nothing;

- The crucial difference between filing a report and a formal complaint;

- The profound conflict of interest at the heart of a system run by the same institution whose reputation, liability, and finances are threatened by what it uncovers;

- What specific questions we should ask to actually find out if a college is a safer place to send our child; and

- Most importantly: If your child calls from college and tells you they have been sexually assaulted, who should you to talk to first, what specific things should you do, and what should you not do?

This episode is for every parent with a child in college, every student heading there, and anyone who cares about keeping our children safe.

About Nicole Bedera, Ph.D.:

Nicole Bedera, Ph.D. is a sociologist and author of the book On the Wrong Side: How Universities Protect Perpetrators and Betray Survivors of Sexual Violence. Her research broadly focuses on how our social structures contribute to survivors’ trauma and make sexual violence more likely to occur in the future. Her work has been featured in many popular media outlets, including The New York Times, NPR, Time Magazine, and Teen Vogue. Nicole puts her work into practice as an affiliated educator at the Center for Institutional Courage, as a co-founder of Beyond Compliance Consulting, and as a co-founder of the nonprofit The Survivor Alumni Network.

Read more from Nicole Bedera:

https://slate.com/human-interest/2020/03/daughter-advice-sexual-assault-college.html

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After The Episode That Wasn’t, we received nearly 1,000 voicemails in two days from women saying: This is my life at work. So we invited Emmy and Peabody Award-winning sports journalist Sarah Spain to talk about what actually works when you’re navigating sexism, harassment, and power on the job.

- Why telling women to “just report it” isn’t enough;

- The difference between what’s right and what actually works;

- Why women learn to laugh off behavior that isn’t funny;

- What to do when you finally have enough power to speak up for someone else; and

- Sarah’s reminder: You’re not making it awkward. The person who did the harmful thing already did that.

Listen to Ep 147 The Episode That Wasn’t here.

About Sarah:

Sarah Spain is an Emmy and Peabody Award-winning sports journalist. In her 12+ years at ESPN she has worked as a radio and podcast host, writer and TV analyst. She's a minority owner of the Chicago Red Stars of the NWSL, a co-founder of “Hear The Cheers,” which provides hearing aids and equipment to kids so they can continue participating in sports, and is on the board of Embarc, a program that provides community-driven experiences and learning opportunities to low-income Chicago high school students.

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Stefanie Fox, Executive Director of Jewish Voice for Peace, joins Glennon, Abby, and Amanda for an urgent, eye-opening conversation about the fight for Palestinian freedom, the powerful forces keeping America complicit, and what each of us can do to make a difference. Glennon also shares the story behind her recent arrest outside the United Nations and the unexpected hope she's found in taking action.

- Why America continues to fund and arm Israel—and who profits.

- What Zionism and anti-Zionism mean, and how to recognize and fight antisemitism.

- How political pressure, money, and fear are used to silence support for Palestine.

- How to move beyond outrage and despair into meaningful, collective action.

More about Jewish Voice for Peace:

https://www.jewishvoiceforpeace.org/

About Stefanie:

Stefanie Fox is the Executive Director of Jewish Voice for Peace (JVP), a grassroots membership organization that organizes and mobilizes hundreds of thousands of Jews into solidarity with the Palestinian freedom struggle and a vision of Judaism beyond Zionism. Stefanie joined JVP in 2009 as the organization’s first National Organizer (when the organization had six chapters and a few hundred members) and played multiple roles as part of the team that grew the organization into one of the largest progressive Jewish organizations in the world. Prior to JVP, Stefanie came up as a grassroots organizer, educator, and public health practitioner inside the global AIDS movement of the early 2000s, and spent about a decade in local and issue-based community organizing toward racial and economic justice before joining JVP full-time.

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What does it take to survive the unimaginable—and then build a life filled with joy?

Singer, songwriter, and multi-instrumentalist Allison Russell shares how she survived childhood abuse, found lifelines in music and chosen family, and learned to put down the pain she’d been carrying and return to her body, her joy, and herself.

- How to stop carrying the pain of what happened to you

- Why chosen family can change—and even save—your life

- How to break cycles so your children inherit something different

- The artists who showed Allison that another life was possible

- Why healing doesn’t mean becoming an “unmarked page”

About Allison:

Allison Russell has spent her career in multiple bands, including Po’ Girl, Our Native Daughters and Birds of Chicago. After a career spent as a gifted multi-instrumentalist, backing numerous other artists, she finally dared to release her solo project in 2021. She made her Opry debut and appeared at the Country Music Hall of Fame and performed at the 2022 GRAMMY’s Premiere Ceremony.

In addition to her four GRAMMY nominations, she has earned three 2022 Americana Award nominations and a win for Album of the Year, two International Folk Music Award wins, a 2022 Juno nomination for ‘Songwriter of the Year,’ and her first-ever Juno Award win for Contemporary Roots Album of the Year. Russell received two 2021 Americana Awards nominations, won three Canadian Folk Music Awards, two UK Americana Music Awards, and more. She was nominated for Song of the Year and Artist of the Year for the 2023 Americana Awards.

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If you don’t feel like yourself lately, it might not be stress, aging, or “all in your head.” Dr. Rachel Rubin tells us what every woman deserves to know about perimenopause, menopause, and the hormones that can affect everything from our sleep and mood to our brains, bodies, relationships, and sex lives.

- The surprising signs of perimenopause—and how early they can start

- Why a “normal” hormone test doesn’t mean you’re not in perimenopause

- What doctors were never taught about menopause

- The truth about HRT—and why generations of women were taught to fear hormones

- Estrogen, progesterone & testosterone: what each actually does

- How to advocate for the care you need to feel like yourself again

Find more information at https://www.rachelrubinmd.com/ and sign up for Dr. Rubin’s newsletter here.

About Dr. Rubin:

Dr. Rachel Rubin is a board-certified urologist and sexual medicine specialist who is changing the way we talk about menopause, hormones, and sexual health — especially the things women have historically been told to accept, endure, or simply stop talking about. She practices in the Washington, D.C., area as well as Los Angeles and is an Assistant Professor of Urology at Georgetown University. A nationally recognized educator, researcher, and advocate, Dr. Rubin has become a leading voice for greater awareness and access to treatments like vaginal estrogen and testosterone use in menopausal women. She is known for making complicated science understandable — and beloved for telling the truth about women’s health, which medicine has too often failed to say.

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What if the voice telling you there’s something wrong with your body…isn’t actually yours?

Carson Tueller joins us for a radically freeing conversation about disability, desire, and refusing to postpone your life until your body becomes something else. After an accident left him paralyzed from the chest down at 23, Carson discovered that much of his suffering wasn’t coming from his body—but from the stories the world had taught him to believe about it.

- The question from Carson’s sister that changed the story of his life;

- Why your deepest Self will never tell you that you’re broken;

- What ableism teaches all of us about which bodies are “good” bodies;

- Why Carson says disability led him to the best sex of his life; and

- How to stop waiting for your body to change—and start living now.

About Carson:

Carson Tueller is a coach, speaker and activist whose work provides people with the tools they need to live authentic, fulfilling, and powerful lives. He identifies as queer and disabled. Carson grew up as a Mormon in a military family moving around a lot before settling in Utah. His own journey into powerful living began in 2013 when, in the same year, he came out, and was then injured in an accident that paralyzed him from the chest down. Since then, Carson has brought his work to international nonprofits and presidential campaigns – and when he isn’t coaching or speaking, Carson can be found at the gym, reading non-fiction, or playing Pokemon with his niece and nephews.

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This life-saving conversation is for anyone who has—or loves someone who has—breasts. Amanda shares what to know about breast density, the screenings you actually need (not just what’s offered), and how self-advocacy helped lead to her own breast cancer diagnosis—and helped save the lives of Pod Squaders who listened to our episodes.

Then, Amanda’s renowned surgeon, Dr. Lucy M. De La Cruz, walks us through the choices you may face after a breast cancer diagnosis—including the options you may not even know are options.

For more on Amanda’s Breast Cancer journey:

- Amanda's Diagnosis and What's Next (Part 1)

- Amanda’s Diagnosis and What’s Next (Part 2)

- Amanda Returns Post Surgery: Here’s What She Wants You to Know

- What Amanda’s Learned About Life, Love & Community (Post Surgery Pt 2)

- Early Detection, Mammograms & Breast Cancer Care with Dr. Rachel Brem

- Expert Advice on Genetic Testing, Cancer Prevention & Care Disparities with Dr. Rachel Brem

About Dr. De La Cruz:

Dr. Lucy M. De La Cruz is an internationally recognized breast surgical oncologist and the youngest Latina Chief of Breast Surgery in an academic institution in the United States. She serves as Chief of Breast Surgery and Director of the Betty Lou Ourisman Breast Health Center at MedStar Georgetown University Hospital, a nationally ranked center of excellence in breast cancer care. Dr. De La Cruz specializes in nipple-sparing mastectomies with structural preservation and resensation, with a focus on highly specialized single-stage implant reconstruction. Patients describe her not only as a world-class surgeon, but as a fierce advocate and mentor—especially for women navigating the complexities of diagnosis, treatment, and survivorship.

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What if the goal of staying in love isn't getting to know your partner better—but learning how to un-know them?

Glennon, Abby, and Amanda discuss why the same old dinner date can leave us feeling stuck, why novelty is one of the biggest predictors of lasting connection, and how small shifts can make your relationship feel new again.

- Why date nights aren't enough

- The science behind keeping the spark alive

- How to create more curiosity, play, and adventure together

- The "date bowl" idea you'll want to steal immediately

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Six minutes on a New York City subway became a Rorschach test for America.

Amanda invites Anand Giridharadas back to look beyond the certainty surrounding the Jordan Neely and Daniel Penny case—and toward an uncomfortable truth: We may not be as divided as we think. Across the political spectrum, Americans are crying out with the same fear: No one is coming. We’re on our own.

Amanda and Anand dig into how that shared sense of abandonment can push us toward vigilantism, what we lose when we reduce complicated human beings to heroes and villains, and why reclaiming curiosity, complexity, and each other’s humanity might be essential to democracy.

About Anand:

You know Anand Giridharadas from ourWHY ARE BILLIONAIRES?!? episode. He is the author of the New York Times bestseller The Persuaders, the international bestseller Winners Take All, The True American, and India Calling. A foreign correspondent and columnist for The New York Times for more than a decade, he is an on-air political analyst for MSNBC, and publisher of the newsletterThe Ink. Today we dive into Anand’s spellbinding book, out today –MAN IN THE MIRROR – reporting on Jordan Neely's life and death, Daniel Penny's life and trial, and the way six minutes on the NYC subway holds a mirror to the city and the nation. Don't miss Anand's Man in the Mirrordocuseries, too.

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Cher is here!! The one and only icon talks to us about love, money, parenting, leaving relationships, starting over, and the secret to surviving life’s inevitable collisions: Don’t give up. Just keep moving.

- The advice Lucille Ball gave Cher about leaving Sonny—and Cher later passed on to Tina Turner

- Why Cher says, “I wasn’t ready till I was ready”

- Her regrets about how she responded when Chaz came out—and what she learned

- The iconic story behind “Mom, I am a rich man”

- Cher’s bumper-car philosophy for getting through life when you hit a wall

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Six weeks from the midterm elections, New York Times bestselling author, entrepreneur and political leader, Stacey Abrams is here with a clear message: You don’t have to do everything—but you do have to do something.

Leader Abrams breaks down where we are in the fight for democracy, what’s at stake in this election, and exactly how each of us can use our power right now.

- The 10 steps to authoritarianism—and the 10 steps to fight back

- What to do now to make sure your vote is cast and counted

- Why the midterms are only the beginning—and what we must do the day after

- Abrams’ plan for anyone who has just two hours a week to give

- Why we need to stop asking “Is there hope?” and start asking: “Did I do hope today?”

Learn more about:

10 Steps Campaign: https://10stepscampaign.org/

Stacey Abrams’ New Book: Coded Justice

About Stacey Abrams:

STACEY ABRAMS is a New York Times bestselling author, entrepreneur and political leader. She served as Minority Leader in the Georgia House of Representatives, and she was the first Black woman to become gubernatorial nominee for a major party in United States history. Abrams has devoted her career to democracy protection, voting rights, and effective public policy. She is the founder of Fair Fight, Fair Count and the American Pride Rises Network and is the lead organizer of the 10 Steps Campaign, a nationwide mobilization and education effort against competitive authoritarianism.

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Caregivers, you’re exhausted for a reason—and it’s not because you’re doing it wrong.

Ai-jen Poo reveals why so many of us are burning out while caring for kids, aging parents, partners, and everyone in between—and why we were never meant to carry all of this alone.

- The real reason caregivers are so burned out

- How to care for the people you love without losing yourself

- Why the “sandwich generation” is really the panini generation

- How to build a “care squad” that actually supports you

- Why care is the invisible work that makes everything else possible

About Ai-jen:

Ai-jen Poo is an award-winning organizer, author, and a leading voice in the women’s movement. She is the President of the National Domestic Workers Alliance, Executive Director of Caring Across Generations, Senior Advisor to Care in Action, Co-Founder of SuperMajority, and a Trustee of the Ford Foundation.

Ai-jen is a nationally recognized expert on caregiving, the future of work, and what’s at stake for women of color. She is the author of the celebrated book, The Age of Dignity: Preparing for the Elder Boom in a Changing America.

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What if the secret to moving forward is getting better at letting go of what just happened?

Glennon, Abby, and Amanda catch up on empty nesting, parenting, sports, midlife, and the stories we tell ourselves when we mess up—and discover that golf may, unfortunately, be a metaphor for life.

- Why we waste so much energy trying to explain or undo our mistakes

- Glennon and Abby’s empty-nest question: What do people actually do between dinner and bedtime?

- Abby on the skill of feeling your anger, releasing it, and saying: “Okay, next”

- The parenting lesson that brought Glennon to tears: “Be the one w

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What if the key to understanding each other isn’t getting better at talking—but getting better at recognizing how differently our brains work?

The brilliant and hilarious Hannah Gadsby joins us to talk about neurodivergence, relationships, shame, and what it really takes to meet people where they are. Hannah shares how a later-in-life autism diagnosis changed the way they understood themself—and why they describe it as an “exfoliation of shame.”

- Why neurodivergent and neurotypical people can experience communication so differently

- The invisible work of masking—and why a “casual” conversation can feel like a marathon

- Why Hannah says we need to stop taking other people’s differences personally

- How to better understand and connect with the neurodivergent people we love

- Why Hannah stopped using self-deprecating humor—and what happened when they stopped apologizing for who they are

About Hannah:

Hannah Gadsby stopped stand-up comedy in its tracks with their multi-award-winning show Nanette, which played to sold-out houses in Australia, the UK, and New York. Its launch on Netflix, and subsequent Emmy and Peabody wins, took Nanette (and Hannah) to the world. Hannah’s difficult second album (which was also their eleventh solo show) was named Douglas, after their dog. Hannah walked Douglas around the world, selling out and scoring another Emmy nomination. Before all of this, Hannah appeared as a character called Hannah in Please Like Me (Hulu) and toured their native Australia and the UK as a stand-up comedian. They made art documentaries and did plenty of other things over the course of more than a decade in comedy, but that will do for now.

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What if the secret to stronger relationships isn’t avoiding conflict—but learning how to do it well?

Conflict resolution expert and bestselling author Priya Parker joins us to teach us how to fight with more courage, clarity, and love—and how to know which relationships are actually worth the fight.

- Why “we never fight” can be a warning sign, not a relationship goal

- The difference between unhealthy peace and healthy heat

- How to know when to confront, when to let go, and when to walk away

- The simple rule that can make a hard conversation easier to hear: name the behavior, not the person

- Why the relationships with the most depth often require some heat—and why fighting well can bring us closer

For more, listen to:

256. How to Host a Magical Gathering with Priya Parker

163. How to Make Wrongs Right with Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg

About Priya:

PRIYA PARKER is a facilitator, strategic advisor, and acclaimed author of The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters. Trained in the field of conflict resolution, Parker has worked on race relations on American college campuses and on peace processes in the Arab world, southern Africa, and India. She studied organizational design at MIT, public policy at the Harvard Kennedy School, and political and social thought at the University of Virginia.

Her new book THE ART OF FIGHTING: The Transformative Power of Conflict is available now.

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Today, we remember Gloria Steinem—a woman who spent her life reminding us that we are not broken, just born into systems designed to break us. She taught us how to stay whole anyway, how to tell the truth, get free, find our people, get to work—and laugh while we work.

Gloria showed us how to lead. Our turn.

Gloria, Gloria, Hallelujah.

Heartbreak isn't just happening in your mind—it's happening in your body.

In this Best Of conversation, science journalist Florence Williams joins us to discuss what heartbreak does to our brains, bodies, and nervous systems—and the surprising science behind healing. We explore why awe, beauty, and nature may be some of our most powerful medicines when life breaks us open.

- What heartbreak actually does to your body

- Why loneliness can make us physically sick

- The surprising connection between awe and healing

- How nature helps regulate our nervous systems

- Simple practices to feel more alive after loss

About Florence:

Florence Williams is author of "The Nature Fix" and, most recently, Heartbreak: A Personal and Scientific Journey. Florence explores the connections between humans and the natural world, and reveals the profound psychological and physiological benefits of rewilding our lives.

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If you've been living inside your head lately, this conversation is for you.

Glennon, Abby, and Amanda talk about the exhausting mental chatter that keeps so many of us anxious, overwhelmed, and disconnected from our lives. Glennon shares the surprising shift that helped her stop trusting every thought she had—and start finding a steadier place beneath the noise.

- Why you are not your thoughts

- Glennon's #1 sanity strategy

- The "touch tree" practice for staying grounded

- How Amanda stopped accepting assignments from strangers

- The wedding-week rule that changed everything for Glennon and Abby

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