What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners.

Have you and your spouse slipped into "angry partners at the 24/7 daycare" mode since your baby was born? Here's why relationships change after kids, and some real solutions that can help us get through it.

Amy and Margaret discuss:

• The number-one reason relationships change after a baby is born
• Helpful perspectives for maintaining sanity during early parenthood
• Small steps for building back connection with your partner

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• Jessica Grose for the NYT: ⁠Fighting Constantly after Baby? Read This⁠
• Doss BD, et al. ⁠The Effect of the Transition to Parenthood on Relationship Quality: An Eight-Year Prospective Study⁠.
• Alex Vance for Verywell Family: ⁠4 Ways To Focus On Your Relationship When the Kids Keep You Busy⁠
• Jessica Grose for the NYT: ⁠Bickering More After Kids? Learn how to avoid the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse.⁠
• Christina Caron for the NYT: ⁠How to Reconnect with Your Partner After Kids⁠
• ⁠Judd Apatow: "Who Slept Worse?"⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

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How do we parent middle schoolers while simultaneously experiencing the PTSD of our own middle school years?Kristin Hensley and Jen Smedley , co-hosts of "I Mom So Hard," join Margaret to talk about their how new book, THE MIDDLE SCHOOL MOM'S SURVIVAL GUIDE, approaches puberty, changing friendships, and the increasingly high stakes of parenting tweens and teens with plenty of humor.

Margaret, Kristin, and Jen discuss:

• How our own middle school experiences can color the way we parent
• Why kids need room to make mistakes and figure things out for themselves.
• Why being bored makes a kid more interesting
• Parenting middle schoolers while navigating perimenopause, menopause, and aging parents

Here's where you can find Kristin and Jen:

• https://imomsohard.com
• Listen to the "I Mom So Hard" podcast
• @imomsohard on FB, IG, YouTube, and Threads
• @realimomsohard on TikTok
• Buy THE MIDDLE SCHOOL MOM'S SURVIVAL GUIDE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668201916

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There are several sneaky ways for the people we work with, or live with, to get away with participating less in the work that needs to happen. "Weaponized incompetence" became TikTok-famous during the pandemic, and most of us became more aware when that was being deployed.

A recent Substack post by Ask Astrid suggested that "weaponized passivity" may be a subtler but equally effective opt-out option. When someone says "I don't care what we have for dinner, I'll eat whatever," are they being generous, low-key, and collaborative? Or are they declaring themselves "not it," knowing dinner will still be served (by you) and they'll still get to eat?

We discuss:

• How to spot weaponized incompetence, weaponized passivity, and weaponized irritability
• How gender roles and socialization teach women to anticipate the needs of the domestic sphere, while rewarding men for being hands-off and largely inattentive
• Practical ways to challenge these patterns, including recognizing that “not caring” doesn't mean something doesn't need to get done
• How these dynamics show up with our kids, our teenagers... and yes, sometimes, ourselves

We loved Ask Astrid's Substack on this topic and refer to it heavily in this episode. Read for yourself: Meet weaponized passivity: incompetence's quieter sibling

Here are links to some of the other resources mentioned in the episode:

• Maggie Zhou for Refinery29: Why Is ‘Weaponized Incompetence’ Blowing Up On TikTok? Because Too Many Of Us Do It
• Fresh Take: Allison Daminger, WHAT'S ON HER MIND- The Mental Workload of Family Life
• Changing the Invisible Workload (with guest Eve Rodsky)
• Celestial Sylvia on FB: Weaponized incompetence in "You Can See Everything"

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

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This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners.

There are lots of reasons why someone might find parenting easier when their spouse is not around, and not all of them are a cause to call in the couples therapist. A listener posted in our ⁠Facebook group⁠:

Anyone else feel like things are easier when their spouse isn’t home? We’ve been dealing with some family issues so he is out of town. I find that when he isn’t here, my kids listen better, we make a good team and work together, they sleep better, etc. Is that weird? How can one person make such a difference? Not much has changed except I do a little more (take out the trash, drop kids off at school) so it’s not that I have more time. It just seems more peaceful in our home or something. And to be honest, I’m not sure it’s a good sign!

When we're solo parenting, we have more alone time, we don't have to negotiate child-related or housework-related decisions, and there are fewer dishes and dirty clothes to wash. If you like it when your spouse is away, that doesn't mean you love them any less or they're a bad spouse. But are there advantages we can consider making part of our parenting all the time? That might also be a possibility.

Amy and Margaret discuss:

• Why it's easier to solo parent sometimes
• How the pandemic changed couple dynamics
• How to discuss with our spouse how we feel

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• Katie Cloyd for Scary Mommy: ⁠"My Life Is Easier When My Husband Travels"⁠
• Meredith Bland for Parent Map: ⁠"Parenting is Easier When My Husband is Out of Town"⁠
• ⁠We Did Not Sign Up For Being With Our Spouses 24/7 (with guest Damona Hoffman)⁠
• ⁠A Room Of Our Own: Claiming the Space We Need⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

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This episode includes discussion of rape and sexual assault.

As parents, we have been horrified by the reports of sexual violence on Cornell’s campus in 2024, and dismayed that so little seems to have changed since we were in college ourselves. How do we teach our children to protect themselves from sexual violence on campus? And how mad do we get to be at the institutions that still aren’t protecting them?

On this episode we interview violence prevention expert Meg Stone, executive director of IMPACT Boston and author of The Cost of Fear: Why Most Safety Advice is Sexist, and How We Can Stop Gender-Based Violence and Don’t Fight Back and 10 Other Myths About Crime, Personal Safety, and Gender-Based Violence.

This conversation explores why sexual violence is usually committed by someone the victim knows, why common safety advice can be both ineffective and victim-blaming, and what research says about empowerment-based prevention.

Meg also discusses practical skills, boundary setting, bystander responsibility, and the role parents and institutions can play—without placing responsibility for violence on those targeted.

We discuss:

• Why the “stranger jumping out of the bushes” is a misleading picture of sexual violence
• Why one-time online campus trainings often fail to change behavior
• How victim-blaming has shaped conversations about sexual violence
• What empowerment-based self-defense programs teach—and why practice matters
• How stress can make it harder to respond in the moment
• Why refusal skills and boundary setting can be protective
• How friends, bystanders, and institutions can interrupt abuse
• Where families can look for empowerment self-defense and comprehensive sex education

The conversation emphasizes practicing refusal and interruption under stress, bystander responsibility, and finding trainings via the Empowerment Self-Defense Alliance and the National Women’s Martial Arts Federation.

Here’s where you can find Meg Stone’s work and the resources mentioned:

• Impact Boston: http://impactboston.org
• Meg Stone: http://megstone.org
• Empowerment Self-Defense Alliance: https://www.empowermentsd.org/
• National Women’s Martial Arts Federation: https://nwmaf.org/
• The Cost of Fear by Meg Stone
• Don’t Fight Back and 10 Other Myths About Crime, Personal Safety, and Gender-Based Violence by Meg Stone
• Sexual Citizens by Jennifer S. Hirsch and Shamus Khan

If you or someone you love has been impacted, help is available. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE or by texting "START" to 88788. RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline can be reached at 1-800-656-HOPE.

____________

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

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How do we handle conflict with those closest to us without damaging the relationship or going in circles? We discuss why some people avoid conflict while others escalate quickly, how our family of origin shapes the way we handle disagreements, and common triggers for starting conflicts.

We discuss:

• What happens in the brain during conflict
• Practical conflict-resolution strategies, including the EAR method and the BIFF method
• Why sometimes the conflict is over before you’re done being angry and how to handle that

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• Aaron Steen and Kanade Shinkai for the International Journal of Women's Dermatology: Understanding individual and gender differences in conflict resolution: A critical leadership skill
• Peter Reuell for the Harvard Gazette: Resolving conflict: Men vs. women
• Danya Rumore for the University of Utah Environmental Dispute Resolution Program blog: The power of calm when dealing with conflict
• Bill Eddy for the High Conflict Institute: How to Avoid Getting Hooked by High Conflict Behavior
• Bill Eddy for the High Conflict Institute: Calming Upset People Fast with EAR
• Bill Eddy for the High Conflict Institute: How To Write A BIFF Response®
• Emily Pinto for Katie Couric Media: How To Handle Conflict Without Damaging Your Relationships

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

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Beth Gellman-Beer spent her whole career fighting for kids with disabilities — first as a student written off as “lazy,” then as a federal civil rights attorney who found her dream job protecting students like her younger self. But on one ordinary night, a phone call changed everything: Her entire office had been eliminated.

In the premiere of Zero Reject, reporter Anya Kamenetz traces Beth’s journey from an unfair fourth-grade classroom to the front lines of a sweeping overhaul at the Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights — the agency families turn to when a school isn’t meeting their child’s needs. Anya breaks down the reduction in force that gutted OCR’s staff, what it means for the 25,000 families still waiting for a response to their complaints, and the plan to dismantle the Department of Education altogether. With fewer people to enforce the law, what happens to the students the system was built to protect?

https://lnk.to/zerorejectFD!whatfreshhell

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This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners.

Do you feel like the odd parent out in your house? Or do your kids want only you to do everything with them all the time? A listener in ⁠our Facebook group⁠ asked:

"Is there an episode about one parent having a very different relationship with a child than the other parent? My 12yo and I seem to have a pretty functional (not perfect) relationship, but he and my hubs seem to end up arguing constantly. Thought at first it was a phase, but if it is, it’s a LOOOOONG one. Would love some perspective on this!"

Margaret and Amy discuss:

• How preferential treatment plays out in younger vs. older kids
• Why kids save their worst behavior for their primary caregiver
• Which one of them is conflict-averse and who's conflict-attracted (one guess which is which)

Preferring one parent over the other can be developmentally appropriate, but there are times when ganging up on one parent can become too much and needs some course correction.

Links!

• Our episode "⁠When Kids Prefer the Other Parent Over You (Or You Over Them)"⁠
• Ryan C. Martin for McSweeney's: "⁠GOOD PARENTS CAPITALIZE ON THEIR INDIVIDUAL STRENGTHS. MY WIFE’S IS SEEING TO OUR KIDS’ EVERY NEED, AND MINE IS ROUGHHOUSING⁠"
• Marni Feuerman for VeryWell Family: ⁠"How to Cope With Parenting Differences"⁠
• Mariah Maddox for Motherly: ⁠"If your kids act differently with you than dad, you’re not imagining it"⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if kids didn't need chore charts and constant supervision in order to participate in the lives of their households? What if the "mental load" was seen as a family-wide issue, where everyone could contribute to the solution?

Sam Kelly, creator of the "Notice and Do" method and author of the new book NOTICE AND DO: Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load, is here to tell us there's another way.

Amy and Sam discuss:

• The "delegator trap"—why constantly assigning tasks keeps moms responsible for the "noticing"
• Using a "learning ladder" to teach kids of all ages how to take over household tasks, step by step
• Handling the pushback you might receive as you roll out the "notice and do" method
• How kids who "notice and do" have agency and take initiative beyond the walls of your home

•

Here's where you can find Sam:

• https://hellosamkelly.com
• @samkelly_world on IG
• Buy NOTICE AND DO: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063460911

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What have 10 years of doing this podcast taught us about being better parents? In this, our 1,000th episode(!), we look back at the biggest parenting lessons we’ve learned from a decade of conversing with guests, listeners, and each other.

Thank you for listening and being on this parenting journey with us!

We also reference some of our favorite interviews: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/fresh-take-dr-siggie-cohen-on-setting-boundaries-without-dismissing-kids-feelings/

• our Fresh Take interview with Dr. Siggie Cohen
• our Fresh Take interview with Dr. Lynyetta Willis
• our Fresh Take interview with KC Davis

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

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This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners.

We asked the listeners in ⁠our Facebook group⁠ about all the times they caught their spouses being awesome, and here are just a few: supporting their partners through difficult career choices. Reading up on issues that affect their kids. Learning how to do their kids' hair.

Awesome parenting partners, all!

Here are links to the resources mentioned in the episode:

⁠"Flying the Coop" episode from Reply All podcast⁠ (Margaret's rec)

⁠Our Fresh Take episode with Matthew Fray on Strengthening Our Relationships⁠

⁠The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children⁠, by Ross Greene

⁠Check out our merch!⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Trigger warning: On today's episode we will be discussing pregnancy loss, abortion, and maternal death. Please be advised if those topics are difficult for you.

What happens when pregnancy complications become a life-threatening emergency? Margaret’s sister Anne joins us to share her powerful story of nearly dying from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.

Margaret and Anne discuss:

• What an ectopic pregnancy is and why it can become life-threatening
• How Anne's experience connects to the current landscape of abortion restrictions
• The challenges doctors may face when treating ectopic pregnancies and other pregnancy emergencies, given current abortion bans
• Why policies made far from the exam room can have profound consequences for women and their doctors

Here is the ProPublica article referenced in the episode, by Andrea Suozzo and Agnel Philip: Ectopic Pregnancy Deaths Have Nearly Doubled. It’s Worse in States With Abortion Bans.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.

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Why do some kids completely fall apart when it’s time to leave the playground, get ready for school, or switch activities? We dive into why transitions are particularly difficult for some kids and what parents can do to make them easier.

Here's what we discuss in this episode:

• how anxiety, ADHD, autism, and OCD can cause unique issues with transitions
• reframing a child’s behavior as a "signal" to help parents focus on the underlying problem
• how parents can validate emotions while still setting clear boundaries
• practical strategies for helping kids transition, including verbal "previews," visual schedules and timers, and predictable routines

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• Our Fresh Take with Dr. Siggie Cohen
• Our Fresh Take with Dr. Stacy Haynes
• Katherine Martinelli for the Child Mind Institute: Why Do Kids Have Trouble With Transitions?
• Claire Lerner for Psychology Today: The Trouble With Transitions
• Kristine Cain for Building Bright Futures blog: Why Some Children Struggle More with Transitions Than Others
• Lerner Child Development: The Trouble With Transitions: Why They Are So Hard For Some Kids And How To Help
• Houston Family Therapy Associates: Why Kids Resist Transitions (and How to Help)
• Lerner Child Development: How "Two-Great Choices" Prevents Power Struggles
• Dr. Michael Sweeney
• Visual timer for kids
• Hourglass timer
• Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

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This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles.

Parenting is a series of everyday battles. But which ones are truly worth fighting? In this episode we discuss the Sisyphean nature of the overuse of the word 'like', to a cleaned-up playroom, to the unending struggle of getting tweens to wear pants—and which of these battles might be 1) winnable and 2) worth the work.

Some things really do matter for the long-term success of our kids (and peace of our households); some might be worth letting go in order to let our kids have that win once in a while. In this episode, we unpack how to tell the difference.

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

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We want our kids to feel validated and heard. We also don't want to engage in five-hour negotiations every time they have to do something they don't want to do. Where's the happy middle?

Child development specialist Dr. Siggie Cohen, author of YOU ARE THE PARENT, explains how parents can create a balanced approach. Dr. Cohen explains why well-intentioned parents can end up overexplaining, over-fixing, over-advising, and trying too hard to prevent their children from experiencing difficult emotions.

Dr. Cohen and Margaret discuss:

• The difference between validating emotions and accommodating behavior
• Why children need to learn both emotional awareness and the ability to function even when they don't feel like doing something
• How parents can respond when kids are overwhelmed and why stopping inappropriate behavior doesn't mean stopping the emotion behind it
• Why happiness shouldn't be the ultimate goal for children
• How to make true, authentic repair after parenting mistakes

Here's where you can find Dr. Cohen:

• https://drsiggie.com/
• @dr.siggie on IG, FB, and YouTube
• @parenting.with.dr.siggie on TikTok
• Free resources on her website, including her newsletter signup
• Buy YOU ARE THE PARENT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063448643

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.

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Which kid behaviors need to be addressed in the moment—and which are better ignored? We discuss when to fix behavior and when to let it go, from whining and backtalk to tantrums and other attention-seeking behavior.

Topics include:

• How to reduce power struggles while still establishing clear rules and boundaries
• Why target behaviors should be specific and observable
• How to set expectations before challenging behavior happens
• Practical strategies for handling difficult behavior in public
• Knowing when a child's behavior is really a signal of an unmet need

This episode includes advice from the Child Mind Institute's Complete Guide to Managing Behavior Problems.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.

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This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles.

What do we do when one of our kid's moods is affecting everyone else in the house? Whether it's anxiety, frustration, rigidity, or plain old temper tantrums, understanding where it's coming from is the first step. But even when we don't allow emotions to be an excuse poor behavior, that misbehavior can happen anyhow—and walking on eggshells is no way to teach the dysregulated person better emotional skills.

In this episode, we discuss:

• the sometimes hidden needs of the other kids in the house
• why "fair" is not the same thing as "equal"
• the single most important factor for positive family well-being

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• Our episode ⁠"When One of Our Kids Is Taking All Our Bandwidth"⁠
• Nicole Schwarz for ⁠imperfectfamilies.com⁠: ⁠When The Siblings of a Difficult Child Feel Ignored⁠
• Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: ⁠What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner⁠
• Pamela Li for Parenting for Bain: ⁠Emotional Regulation in Children | A Complete Guide⁠
• Jane Indergaard for ADHD Newsstand: ⁠It's Never About Me: The Hidden Needs of Siblings⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

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How much of your time is actually going toward what matters most to you? Career expert and author Fran Hauser joins us to talk about her new book, 20 MINUTES IS THE NEW HOUR, and how women can rethink their relationship with time.

We discuss:

• The “four Ps” that can quietly consume our time: perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, and padding
• Applying these ideas to family life
• How a “to-don't” list can help you get your priorities in order
• The difference between chronos (clock and calendar time) and kairos (the quality and experience of time)

Here's where you can find Fran:

• https://franhauser.com
• @fran_hauser on IG and Threads
• Buy 20 MINUTES IS THE NEW HOUR from Bedford Books: https://www.bedfordbooks.shop/store/p/20minutes

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.

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We want our kids to grow and stretch their wings, but that doesn't mean every milestone is easy for parents. We talk about the complicated emotions that come with parenting transitions, from starting school to getting a driver's license to moving into a first apartment.

We discuss:

• Why a child's growing independence can bring sadness, anxiety, nostalgia, and even a loss of identity for parents
• The "second arrow of suffering," aka beating yourself up for having perfectly normal feelings about your kids' milestones
• How to talk about your emotions without making your child responsible for them
• Practical ways to navigate difficult transitions during parenting

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• CDC: Tips for Encouraging Independence
• Collischon, Matthias, et. al for the Advances in Life Course research Journal: Parental well-being when children move out: A panel study on short- and long-term effects
• American Psychological Association: Parents and caregivers are essential to children’s healthy development
• Hartanto, Andree, et. al for the Communications Psychology Journal: Cultural contexts differentially shape parents’ loneliness and wellbeing during the empty nest period

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.

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This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles.

Why do formerly-sunny kids turn overnight into little tornadoes of defiance and aggression? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group:

My four-year-old daughter has recently developed a special, defiant, boundary-testing, aggressive version of herself that she saves only for me. I can’t make sense of it at all. WFH, send help!

In this episode, we explain why

• these sudden onsets of periods of dysregulation are completely normal
• almost every kid will go through this—and a lot of four-year-olds, although not they do not have exclusive ownership of this sort of behavior
• and why most kids alternate between periods of regulation and dysregulation repeatedly as they grow and mature.

These difficult stretches don't mean you're doing anything wrong as a parent. They don't mean you need to lock everything down because your kid will be a tornado forever. But they also don't mean mean you need to become the 24/7 punching bag for your dysregulated kid. Here's what to do instead.

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• Rebecca Onion for Slate: ⁠Why These Child Psych Books From the 1980s Are All Over Parenting Facebook Groups Today⁠
• Allana Robinson for Mom Halo: ⁠Here's why your 4 year old's behaviour is out of control⁠
• Uncommon Sense Parenting with Allana Robinson: ⁠What Exactly Is Stress?⁠
• Louise Bates Ames: ⁠Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful⁠

Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year!

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices