40 Plus: Gay Men. Gay Talk.

Gay men are more discontent than ever, restless in relationships, careers, and everyday life, and Zac Russell says the reason isn't what happened to you, it's the story you keep rehearsing about it. He walks Rick through how patterns formed as early as age three quietly run the show decades later, why freedom isn't a slow climb but a switch you either flip or don't, and why ambition is often just running from a feeling you never let yourself sit with. If you've been telling yourself you just need to figure it out a little more before you can be at peace, this episode is about what that habit is actually protecting you from. Key Takeaways:

• Discover why the story you keep telling about your past has more power over you than the past itself.
• Learn why chasing the next goal can be a way of running from a feeling instead of building a life.
• Realize why freedom isn't something you ease into, it's a decision you either make or keep avoiding.
• Understand why needing to "figure it out first" is often just another way of staying stuck.
• See why peace was never on the other side of an answer, it was on the other side of letting go.

About Zac

Zac thrives on helping people experience peace, presence, and contentment in their lives. True freedom comes from letting go of limiting beliefs, stories, and narratives—through awareness—and living fully in the only place that objectively exists: the present moment.

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Tom Wang, known in the leather community as Spicy Tuna, and Mr. CSW Leather (2006) survived homelessness and an abusive relationship before helping produce the Mr. CSW Leather Contest, only to spend years witnessing gay Asian men being called "Chopsticks" at bars and fielding "Rice Queen" messages that reduced them to a category instead of a person. He talks with Rick about refusing to internalize any of it, building real confidence instead of waiting for approval, and why so many of the older men who built these communities have quietly gone missing from them. If you've ever been wanted for what you represent instead of who you actually are, whether it's your race, your age, or anything else, this episode is about taking your story back in your own words. Key Takeaways:

• Discover why letting someone else's category define you costs you more than the moment itself.
• Learn why real confidence was never about waiting for people to see you differently.
• Realize what gets lost when older men quietly disappear from the community that shaped them.
• Understand why surviving what nearly broke you isn't the same as building what comes next, until you actually do both.
• See why telling your own story in your own words is what finally stops other people from writing it for you.

About Tom

Tom C. Wang is a Taiwanese American writer, healthcare professional, and memoirist whose work explores identity, belonging, and the complexities of being a gay Asian man in America.

Drawing from his experiences as an immigrant, a survivor of family rejection, and someone who has spent decades navigating both corporate life and the LGBTQ+ community, Tom writes with honesty, curiosity, and compassion about race, aging, relationships, and what it means to build an authentic life.

He is currently completing his memoir, Tears of the Desert Rose, while sharing personal essays and cultural observations on Substack that invite deeper conversations about resilience, human connection, and finding home.

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Book bans are back, and children's author Greg Howard is fighting to give queer kids something most gay men over 40 never got: proof, on the page, that they weren't alone. Greg writes YA and middle grade fiction confronting grief, identity, and found family, work that's earned him hate mail and death threats alongside letters from readers who call him the first person they ever came out to.

He walked away from a thriving prior career to do it, and he won't back down from the political pressure trying to erase that work. If you spent your own childhood without a single story that reflected who you actually were, this episode is about what that cost you, and what you can still do about it now.

Key Takeaways:

• Discover why waiting to feel safe to pursue your passion leads you to miss out on living.
• Learn the surprising common need for safe gay spaces for both youth and aging gay men.
• Realize the positive impact walking away from a career that pays can have, you and the world.
• Understand why standing your ground against people trying to erase you is still the right fight.
• See why gay life in a story, a room, a community, isn't optional. It's necessary to be human.

About Greg

Greg Howard was born and raised in the South Carolina Lowcountry where his love of stories blossomed at a young age. Originally set on becoming a songwriter, Greg followed that dream to Nashville, Tennessee, where he spent years producing the music of others before eventually returning to his childhood passion for writing stories.

Greg’s critically acclaimed debut middle-grade novel, The Whispers, was nominated for an Edgar Award and was named a Best Book of 2019 by Advocate Magazine. His second middle-grade novel, Middle School’s a Drag, You Better Werk! is an Amazon Teacher’s Pick. His third middle-grade novel, The Visitors, was a 2022 New York Public Library Best Book. Also the author of the young adult novel Social Intercourse, Greg’s newest middle-grade book, The Travelers, a twisty time-travel adventure, is available now. Greg writes for and about LGBTQ youth, creating the kind of books he wishes he’d had access to as a young reader growing up gay in the American South. When he’s not writing books, Greg enjoys traveling, reading, hiking, and spending time with friends. He lives in Nashville with his ridiculously adorable Mini Aussiedoodle, Sadie.

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

There is something that happens when a group of gay men travel together on a ship where everyone belongs. Walls come down. Generations connect. History gets personal. Eric Hodgson is the founder of Outbound, an LGBTQ+ travel company that builds exclusive small-ship cruises and intimate river journeys designed to do exactly that. He joins Rick to talk about why size matters in travel, what it means to move through the world in a genuinely safe space, and what gay men over 40 discover about themselves and their community when they stop touring and start connecting. From Egypt to Amsterdam to Sydney's 50th Mardi Gras in 2028, this episode will make you want to book something. Key Takeaways:

• Why small ships and intimate settings create connection that larger cruises cannot
• How Outbound builds genuine safe spaces and what that actually requires from travel partners and crew
• What gay men learn about their own history when they travel to LGBTQ+ sites worldwide
• The power of intergenerational connection that happens organically on group LGBTQ+ travel
• What Eric witnessed in Egypt around same-sex history and the gender-fluid god Hapi
• What is coming up including the British Isles, Mediterranean, and Sydney Mardi Gras 2028

About Eric

Eric Hodgson is a travel expert, entrepreneur, and the founder of OUTbound, a travel company dedicated to creating unforgettable experiences for the LGBTQ+ community around the world. With a passion for exploring new destinations and bringing people together, Eric has helped build OUTbound into a community-driven travel brand where guests can see the world, make lifelong friendships, and feel completely at home while doing it. From sailing through Europe and the Mediterranean to discovering destinations across Asia, Australia, and beyond, Eric brings a unique combination of travel expertise, curiosity, and a genuine love of connecting people with the places they visit. What sets Eric apart is his belief that travel should be about more than simply checking destinations off a list... it should be about the people you meet, the memories you create, and the sense of community you take home with you. Through OUTbound, he has created a welcoming space where LGBTQ+ travelers can experience the world together, surrounded by fellow travelers who share that same spirit of adventure. Whether he's planning an extraordinary itinerary, discovering the next great destination, or simply sharing stories with fellow OUTbounders, Eric is passionate about making travel more inclusive, meaningful, and fun... and encouraging people to get out there and see the world, together.

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Twenty years in the beauty industry teaches you a few things about reinvention. Dwight Allen O'Neal learned them the hard way and then wrote the book. Death of the Field Team is his unflinching look at what happens when industries change and the people in them refuse to. But this conversation goes deeper than career strategy. Dwight joins Rick to talk about what it actually means to "protect your human," love yourself without apology, and build something that is authentically yours when everything around you is shifting. He also shares the story behind his new business, Christelle on Pine, named for his parents. This one is personal and it earns it. Key Takeaways:

• What future-proofing yourself actually means and why most people wait too long to do it
• Why authenticity is the only sustainable strategy in the age of AI and social media
• How Dwight arrived at genuine self-love at 42 and what changed when he did
• The meditation insight that reframed everything: you were sent here to protect yourself
• Why self-care is psychological protection, not selfishness - protect your human
• The story behind Christelle on Pine and what it means to build something in honor of where you came from

About Dwight

Dwight Allen O’Neal is a beauty industry leader, award-winning filmmaker, and brand strategist with more than 20 years of experience in retail education, field sales, and consumer growth.

Throughout his career, he has helped both emerging and established beauty brands— including Josie Maran, Pattern Beauty, Bumble and bumble, Briogeo, and Octavia Morgan— drive sustainable growth through strategic retail partnerships, education, and consumer engagement. His expertise spans leading retailers including Sephora, Ulta Beauty, Amazon, Nordstrom, Macy's, Bluemercury, Sally Beauty, and JCPenney Beauty.

As the Founder and CEO of Christell On Pine Group, Dwight advises founders and executive teams on building brands through education, authentic relationships, and people-first leadership.

His latest book, “Death of The Field Team: The Beauty Industry’s Biggest Mistake,” is the newest addition to his collection of nonfiction titles. Exploring the evolving beauty industry's shift away from field education, it argues that the industry's greatest competitive advantage has always been knowledgeable people, in-store expertise, and meaningful customer connection.

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Gay men are great at living fabulously. Retiring fabulously is a different story. David and John Auten-Schneider went from $51,000 in credit card debt to financial independence and now spend their time helping other gay men figure out why their bank account does not match the life they want. They join Rick for episode 400 to talk about the scarcity mindsets, status spending, and financial blind spots that keep LGBTQ men working longer than they have to. If you are in your 50s or 60s and have not saved enough, this episode is not a lecture. It is a plan. Key Takeaways:

• How David and John went from $51,000 in debt to financial independence and what that actually required
• Why gay men face unique financial pressures that straight financial advice does not account for
• The scarcity mindset that keeps LGBTQ men from building real wealth even when they earn well
• How to determine your retirement runway and when you can realistically stop working
• Why paying off debt and building assets require the same discipline applied in a different direction
• The Retirement Readiness Review and what it can tell you about where you actually stand

About John & David

David and John, are husbands living their fabulous life. They help other gay men like you who also want to live an amazing life without sacrificing your financial security.

Their Queer Money™ podcast, provides tools and resources to help you live fabulously, not fabulously broke.

The are also the creators of the Queer Money Retire Abroad Planner & Calculator

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

John Ball came out years ago. That was not the hard part. The hard part was the second closet he built after, the professional one, where he learned to shrink, soften, and stay palatable so nobody in the room got uncomfortable. Ball breaks down how stand-up comedy taught him that boundaries do not make people leave, they make the right people stay, and how a room-sharing standoff with his family in Spain became the moment he stopped editing himself. This kicks off Gay in the Gayborhood, a new interview series pulling back the curtain on the men behind the mic. This one is for the man still performing comfortable. Key Takeaways

• Coming out does not end the shrinking, it just moves it into new rooms
• Boundaries do not make people leave, they make the right people stay
• Stand-up comedy taught John Ball more about authenticity than any stage training ever did
• Making other people comfortable at your own expense is a pattern, not a personality trait
• This episode launches Gay in the Gayborhood, a new interview series featuring the men behind the mic
• The moment John stopped hiding was not on a stage, it was a conversation with his family in Spain

About John

John is a Keynote & Presentation coach who turns competent speakers into captivating ones. He works with professional speakers, coaches, and leadership teams who are done blending in.

He hosts the Professional Speaking podcast for speakers who want to be known, booked, and paid what they're worth, and co-hosts The Coaching Clinic with his good friend Angie. His LinkedIn newsletter, Serious About Speaking, is exactly as punchy as it sounds.

John spent over 15 years as lead online coach and trainer for T. Harv Eker, and years on the coaching team at The Speaker Lab helping professional speakers get booked and paid. Before any of that, he was a flight attendant with British Airways, a bar manager, and a door-to-door salesman. He's got stories. He says the NSFW ones aren't for the show. Don't believe him.

He's also a working stand-up comic, an open mic addict, and runs workshops for new comedians. Underneath the cheekiness is someone who takes communication, integrity, and leadership seriously. Practicing Stoic, meditator, still doesn't take life too seriously.

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Twenty-five years ago, during the week the world changed, I met my husband.

This episode is not a highlight reel. It is an honest look at what it actually takes to build a life with someone, the silence that saves you, the space you have to learn to give, the difference between reacting and responding, and why love is not something that happens to you but something you keep choosing.

For gay men over 40 who wonder if lasting love is still possible, or who are already in it and need a reminder of why it is worth the work, this one is for you.

Key Takeaways:

• Why silence is one of the most powerful tools in a long-term relationship
• The difference between reacting and responding and why it changes everything
• How giving space is an act of love not a withdrawal
• Why not everything needs to be resolved immediately and how to know the difference
• What a Buddhist practice taught Rick about embracing change instead of fighting it
• Why operating from love makes you better at every role you play

About Rick

Rick Clemons has been getting people out of their own way since 2006. For gay men over 40, that means getting specific, getting direct, and getting a little uncomfortable. You're welcome. He came out at 36, walked away from a corporate career that looked great on the outside and felt like slow death on the inside, and learned the hard way that the detours aren't the problem. Treating them like one is. That whole messy, inconvenient realization became his life's work. He doesn't motivate. He doesn't therapize. He confronts. He works with gay men who are done stalling, done negotiating, and done living lives that technically work but don't actually fit. Rick is the host of 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk, where the quiet parts get said out loud, and the author of Frankly My Dear, I'm Gay. His next book, The Reckoning: A Gay Man's Wake Up Call to His Own Bullshit, is coming soon. He coaches. He speaks. He tells the truth in rooms where most people are still being polite about it. When he's not doing that, he's drinking good wine, annoying his husband, and pretending his two grown daughters still need his advice. No fears. No excuses. No apologies. That's not a tagline. It's how he lives.

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Tyler Wasson spent years running from every uncomfortable silence, awkward date, and rejection, convinced escape was the only way to survive them. Then he found Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and learned the opposite: sitting still inside discomfort is what actually builds connection. Wasson explains why loneliness is not proof something is broken in you, it is a misperception you have been trained to believe. He breaks down his N.A.T.U.R.E. Formula, a nature-based approach that reframes isolation as something you can retrain, not a life sentence. This conversation is for the man who keeps swiping, keeps busy, keeps avoiding the quiet, and still feels alone. Key Takeaways

• Loneliness is a misperception you have been trained to believe, not proof you are broken
• Running from discomfort, bad dates, awkward silences, rejection, keeps you further from connection, not closer
• Sitting still inside discomfort instead of escaping it is where real connection starts
• The N.A.T.U.R.E. Formula reframes isolation as something you can retrain
• Connection does not require performance, it requires presence
• Nature and mindfulness are tools for noticing the connection you already have access to

About Tyler

Tyler Wasson, PsyD, is a psychologist, mindfulness teacher, and author of "Queering Connection: A Nature-Based Journey That Transforms Loneliness into Unshakeable Belonging." His work focuses on helping queer men move from chronic loneliness and disconnection into a lived sense of belonging through mindfulness, direct experience, and a nature-based understanding of connection. He is the creator of The N.A.T.U.R.E. Formula™, a framework that reframes loneliness not as a personal deficit, but as a misperception of disconnection.

Connect With Tyler

Website Get The Book Podcast Instagram

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Most gay men do not have a conflict problem. They have a conversation problem. Joshua Johnson spent 25 years in journalism learning why people cannot talk to each other, then turned it into a TED Talk. The former NPR and MSNBC anchor joins Rick to break down what actually happens inside a difficult conversation, why your internal monologue is running the show before you say a word, and why the queer community has a specific and largely unspoken problem with mentorship and validation. This is not a civility lecture. It is a framework for stopping the patterns that keep gay men stuck in the same arguments with the same people. Key Takeaways:

• Why the problem in conflict is not the inability to talk but the inability to argue constructively
• How your internal monologue shapes every difficult conversation before it starts
• The journalist's trick for getting the story behind someone's position before engaging
• Why responding instead of reacting changes the outcome of almost every conflict
• The "common enemy intimacy" pattern that holds gay men back from real community
• Why queer men struggle to receive mentorship and positive validation and what to do about it

About Joshua

Joshua Johnson has spent more than 25 years in journalism, helping people see each other despite their differences. His latest project, The Resolution, is an online game where players debate everyday issues to build their persuasion skills. Previously Johnson was the anchor of “NOW Tonight”, the first 8pm program on the streaming channel NBC News NOW. Before that he anchored “The Week with Joshua Johnson” on MSNBC, providing rare spaces for audience interaction in network news. His projects for NBC included anchored specials for Black History Month, a live MSNBC broadcast from outside New York’s Stonewall Inn for LGBTQ Pride Month, and a focus group of small business owners reacting to President Biden’s 2022 State of the Union Address. MSNBC recruited Johnson away from the NPR daily talk show “1A”, which he hosted for its first three years on-air. During that time “1A” built a weekly audience of four million listeners nationwide. Johnson has also been an anchor and reporter at San Francisco’s KQED, and at WLRN in its unique partnership with The Miami Herald. His most recent accomplishment was his TED 2026 talk. Johnson holds bachelor’s degrees in Broadcasting and Theater Arts from the University of Miami. He lives in Chicago.

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

David Lauterstein co-founded Nasty Pig, one of the most unapologetically sex-positive brands in queer history. Everyone expected his first book to be about that. Instead he wrote Sodomy Gods, a love story about meeting his husband Fred in the 1990s, because 33 years into the marriage he learned something nobody markets to gay men: fun and happiness are not the same thing. Lauterstein talks about what three decades of work, sacrifice, and adaptation actually looks like, what the AIDS crisis taught him about resilience and community, and why chasing fun instead of happiness is how good men end up alone. This one is for the man still confusing a good Saturday night with a good life. Key Takeaways

• Fun and happiness are not the same thing, and most men spend years chasing the wrong one
• David Lauterstein co-founded one of the most sex-positive brands in queer history, then wrote a love story instead of a founder story
• Thirty-three years of marriage taught him that great relationships require work, sacrifice, and constant adaptation
• Lessons from the AIDS crisis still shape how he thinks about community and resilience today
• Recording the audiobook in his own voice let him say things print never could
• Older gay men find real purpose through charitable work and community, not just through fun

About David

David Lauterstein is among the most influential forces in queer culture, celebrated as an unapologetic champion for sex-positivity since co-founding the iconic Nasty Pig fashion brand in 1994.

As its CEO, he has been honored for his trailblazing entrepreneurship, his philanthropic efforts supporting homeless queer youth, and by the White House for his decades of public health advocacy.

A formally trained poet and house music producer, Lauterstein resides in New York City with his husband and Nasty Pig co-founder, Frederick Kearney. Sodomy Gods is his first book.

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Gay men over 40 have been running from shame their entire lives. Frank Spinelli says that is exactly the wrong move. As a physician, survivor, and author of The Shame Compass, Frank has spent decades watching gay men mistake shame for the enemy when it is actually a diagnostic tool pointing toward healing. The AIDS crisis, childhood trauma, the invisibility of aging, the pressure to perform — all of it leaves a mark.

This episode is about what to do with that mark instead of burying it. Frank joins Rick to break down his C.O.M.P.A.S.S. framework and why gay men are done running.

Key Takeaways:

• Why shame was installed in gay men before they even had words for who they were
• How the AIDS crisis created layers of survivor and caretaker shame that never got addressed
• Why aging gay men face a second wave of shame around invisibility and relevance
• What the C.O.M.P.A.S.S. framework actually does and how to use it
• Why pausing is the hardest and most important skill gay men can build
• How to stop treating shame as the enemy and start using it as a compass

About Frank

Frank Spinelli, MD is a physician, certified health coach, and one of 95,000 survivors who filed claims in the Boy Scouts of America bankruptcy case. With over twenty years of clinical experience in internal medicine, he brings unique authority to trauma-informed recovery: medical expertise, lived experience of childhood sexual abuse and pandemic relapse, and active coaching practice implementing the C.O.M.P.A.S.S. framework with clients. Today, he works with hundreds of clients through the Reframe platform, helping individuals apply trauma-informed tools to navigate shame, addiction, and behavioral change. He is the author of The Shame Compass: A Radical Framework for Trauma Healing and Self-Acceptance, as well as PEE-SHY: A Memoir and The Advocate Guide to Gay Men’s Health and Wellness. A former TV host and longtime health writer, Dr. Spinelli brings both clinical authority and media experience to conversations about recovery, resilience, and living with authenticity.

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Dr. Myron Krys calls himself and loneliness bedfellows. He knows it from the inside, and he sees it every day in his therapy practice with gay men who look like they have it all. Krys explains why open relationships, packed calendars, and career wins do not fix isolation, and how dating apps trade real connection for fetishization and instant rejection. He also opens up about being neurodivergent in a field that rarely talks about it, and why that intersection gets ignored in therapy rooms built for someone else. This conversation names what achievement cannot buy: being fully seen. Key Takeaways

• Being wanted and being seen are not the same thing, and dating apps have made that gap wider
• Success, sex, and a packed calendar can all be sophisticated ways to avoid connection
• Krys calls himself and loneliness bedfellows, he built his career around what he lived
• Neurodivergence and queerness intersect in ways most therapy rooms are not built to hold
• Courage looks like putting yourself in a new room, not waiting to feel ready first
• Asking permission before using sensitive language is a form of respect, not weakness

About Myron

Dr. Myron Krys (pronounced “Chris”), PhD, LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist, speaker, scholar, and creator of the Self-Reclamation Framework (5Rs), which helps people reclaim identity, heal from limiting beliefs, and build more authentic lives and relationships. He specializes in identity development, self-esteem, sexuality, relational dynamics, religious trauma, and the unique emotional challenges faced within LGBTQ+ communities. Dr. M.K. is a body- and sex-positive therapist at The Depth Collective and an award-winning speaker known for bridging psychology, spirituality, culture, and lived experience. His work explores how people move from performance and survival toward authenticity, intimacy, and belonging.

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Gay men are experts at editing themselves. At work. In relationships. Inside the queer community itself. Colin Belcourt wrote a book about what gets cut out and why it needs to come back. The Blue Hour Gospel is a debut work of fiction built across multiple formats, created entirely by a queer team, and rooted in the parts of queer life most storytelling refuses to touch: shame, longing, self-erasure, and the pressure to become acceptable. Colin joins Rick to talk about what it took to write it, what he was afraid to include, and why the stories gay men keep polishing over are exactly the ones that need to be told. Key Takeaways:

• Why gay men keep erasing themselves even after coming out
• How conventional healing systems often fail marginalized communities
• What writing toward shame and longing instead of away from it actually requires
• Why Colin built the book across different formats and what that choice means
• The challenge of going fully public with personal truth in both writing and professional life
• Why authentic queer storytelling matters more right now than ever

About Colin

Colin Belcourt is a queer writer who grew up in Newmarket, Ontario and now lives just outside Ottawa. His work is emotional, nostalgic, and resistant to the cleaned-up stories people tell about identity, beauty, family, and belonging. He writes toward the parts of queer life that are too often polished over or pushed aside: shame, longing, self-erasure, desire, memory, and the pressure to become acceptable. Interested in queer writing that makes room for what is difficult, inconvenient, or unmarketable, he pushes at the edges of respectability and easy self-definition. The Blue Hour Gospel is his first book. He is currently working on his second, and also writes on Substack and appears on podcasts about queer life, writing, and the need for more honest cultural space.

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

His father rejected him. His grandmother changed everything. Brad Ryan spent seven and a half years driving across America with his 85-year-old grandmother, visiting all 63 national parks, and quietly healing the wounds his coming out left behind. What started as an adventure became something neither of them expected: a reckoning with family, identity, and the stories gay men tell themselves about who will ever truly accept them. Brad joins Rick to talk about what happens when you stop waiting for the people who hurt you and start showing up for the ones who show up for you.

Key Takeaways:

• Why Brad didn't come out until college and what his father's reaction cost him
• How a camping trip in the Smoky Mountains became the turning point with his grandmother
• Why gay men build elaborate stories about rejection that don't match reality
• What intergenerational connection offers gay men that their own community often can't
• How curiosity instead of judgment transforms even the most broken family relationships
• Why healing doesn't always look like confrontation — sometimes it looks like a road trip

About Brad

Brad Ryan is a veterinarian, wildlife conservationist, social media influencer, and writer from southeastern Ohio. He earned his BA from Miami University in Ohio, an MSc in mammalian biology from the University of Pretoria in South Africa, and a DVM/MPH combined degree from The Ohio State University, specializing in wildlife medicine and veterinary public health. For Brad, storytelling is a vehicle for healing—rooted in empathy, inspired by nature, and driven by a desire to help others feel seen and connected. As a keynote speaker, he champions LGBTQ+ inclusion in the outdoors, eliminating stigma around mental health, and the protection of wildlife

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Hey Guys, Check This Out!

Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Skip Sams spent years deciding which version of himself was allowed into which room. Corporate leader in one. Recovering addict in another. HIV positive kept quiet in most of them. Then the rollback of DEI protections and rising pressure on gay men to shrink again forced a reckoning: hiding pieces of yourself is not integrity, it is negotiation. Skip breaks down why integrating every part of his identity, instead of editing it room to room, is what actually built his leadership, and why he is gathering twenty men for the Gay Men of Integrity Leadership Summit to practice the same thing. Listeners walk away with a way to stop splitting themselves apart and start deciding who they are, everywhere, all at once. Key Takeaways:

• Why Skip stopped editing himself room to room and calls that his real definition of leadership
• The actual difference between keeping something private and keeping it secret
• How the DEI rollback is pushing gay men back toward old hiding habits
• What the Gay Men of Integrity Summit is built to address, and who it is for
• Why the words you use about yourself matter more than most men realize

About Skip

Skip Sams is a certified professional coach, speaker, and creator of the Gay Men of Integrity Leadership Summit. He helps gay men close the gap between who they truly are and how they show up in their relationships, careers, and communities—so they can live with greater clarity, confidence, and integrity. For more than a decade, Skip has coached individuals through life's transitions, helping people navigate identity, purpose, relationships, and personal growth. Today, he helps gay men build lives that are true to who they are—not who they think they're supposed to be. He is also the creator of the Gay Men of Integrity Leadership Summit, August 10 - 14, 20206.

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Hey Guys, Check This Out!

Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Something goes wrong in bed and gay men immediately blame desire, performance, or themselves. Sex educator and trauma specialist Fran Frye says they're diagnosing the wrong problem. The real issue is the nervous system — and most men have no idea it's running the show. Rick and Fran dig into the five nervous system responses that hijack sexual experiences, why porn is an idea not a manual, and how shame quietly replaces honest communication for gay men over 40. This is not a conversation about dysfunction. It's about finally understanding what your body has been trying to tell you. Key Takeaways:

• Why "erectile difficulties" are almost always psychological, not physical
• How fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and fuck responses show up during sex
• The difference between consent and compliance, and why it matters
• Why gay men struggle more than most with saying no
• What emotional literacy actually looks like in an intimate encounter
• How to pause high arousal states before they run the show

About Fran

Fran Frye works at the intersection of sexuality, trauma, and compassion, with a particular focus on supporting men as they unpack their sexuality within a patriarchal culture that often labels them as dangerous, defective, or emotionally closed off. She helps dismantle these narratives through curiosity, empathy and practical tools that foster healthier relationships with the body, partners and self. A certified Sex Educator, Counselor, and Clinician trained in compulsive sexual behaviors, Fran is also a somatic sex practitioner. Her work spans sexual shame, trauma, grief, relationship rupture and body disconnection, grounded in both professional training and lived experience as a sexual assault survivor, former military spouse, and athlete. Beyond her professional work, Fran is deeply committed to service. Over the years she has volunteered in several areas of crisis and community support, including suicide prevention, rape victim’s advocacy, human trafficking prevention, and serving as a rape crisis hotline operator. She has also contributed to efforts addressing food scarcity, sits with hospice patients in their final chapters, and supports Veterans and their families. These experiences have brought her into close contact with trauma, grief, courage, and resilience - insights she carries directly into the compassionate, grounded way she supports others.

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Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Gay bars are dying. Dating apps are killing real connection. And gay men over 40 are carrying stories they have never let themselves tell out loud. Huck Smith started posting honest essays online because he could not find anyone else saying the quiet parts. Then his first book hit number one on Amazon the day after it released. Boys, Bars, and Becoming is a collection of personal essays about identity, relationships, and the gap between who gay men are and who they perform being. Huck joins Rick to talk about what it took to write it and why so many gay men recognized themselves on the first page. Key Takeaways:

• Why dating apps create disqualifying lists that kill connection before it starts
• What gay men lost when bar culture changed and why it actually mattered
• How older gay men project their own suppressed selves onto younger, more open men
• Why gay men of a certain age were trained to perform masculinity instead of feel it
• The importance of standing with transgender community members when it is uncomfortable
• What writing toward the quiet contradictions of gay life actually requires

About Huck

Huck Smith is a writer whose work explores identity, relationships, and the quiet contradictions that shape everyday life, often landing somewhere between self-awareness and self-sabotage. He writes with equal parts humor and honesty. Boys, Bars, and Becoming is his first collection of essays. When he’s not writing, he’s probably at the gym, overthinking a text message, or convincing himself he doesn’t need another vintage action figure while actively bidding on one.

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Hey Guys, Check This Out!

Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Gay men over 40 know how to find sex. What most of them have never been taught is how to find connection.

Court Vox is a certified sex and intimacy coach, founder of The Bodyvox, and one of the sharpest voices working with GBTQ men on what actually gets in the way of real intimacy.

He joins Rick to talk about choice fatigue on dating apps, the ruptures that quietly kill relationships before they start, and why so much of what gay men call attraction is really just unexamined shame running the show. This is the conversation about desire that most men are not ready to have.

Key Takeaways:

• How app culture creates choice fatigue that makes genuine connection harder
• Why rupture and repair skills are the most underrated tools in any relationship
• How to tell the difference between facts and feelings when conflict hits
• The role homophobia and internalized misogyny play in gay men's attraction patterns
• Why resistance to certain desires is almost always repression in disguise
• What somatic coaching does that talk therapy alone cannot

About Court

Court Vox is a Certified Sex & Intimacy Coach, based in Los Angeles CA . He is Founder of The Bodyvox. Through his courses, workshops, retreats, and private immersions, clients cultivate toys to unlock limitations and shame, to embrace a deeper sense of intimacy with their whole self. Traditional forms of therapy are done solely through talk, while the work of a somatic coach is to further this form of work via body-based exercises, experiential learning, and touch, in comfortable, judgment-free, and caring environments. Body acceptance, exploration of sensation and desires (and learning how to ask for what you want), boundary-setting and intimacy work are some of the many reasons clients seek this form of learning. Vox is a sex educator experienced working with clients of all sexualities and genders and has been featured in AskMen.com, Cosmopolitan, and Well & Good magazines. He offers workshops and retreats across the globe for GBTQ men, and is also part of an elite team of sex educators that create the celebrated program for women, Back to the Body. His online course and community, Invitations to Intimacy, offers foundations in embodiment suited for the eroticerotic, as well as a community of like-minded individuals to support one another on their journey.

Attend Courts Events in 2026

Camp Connect Connect - Joshua Tree

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Hey Guys, Check This Out!

Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why. Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community

Dr. Nas Mohamed grew up in Qatar where homosexuality is criminalized, arranged marriages were expected, and silence was the only safe option. He chose medical school over a lie, built a life on his own terms, and became the first publicly out individual from Qatar. Now he is watching the United States move in a direction he recognizes. This episode is not a history lesson about somewhere else. It is a warning from someone who has seen how this goes. Dr. Nas joins Rick to talk about authoritarian control, the cost of complacency, and why gay men over 40 who think the fight is over are not paying attention. Key Takeaways:

• What it actually costs to come out in a country where it is criminalized
• Why Dr. Nas sees dangerous parallels between Qatar and current US political trends
• How dehumanization works and why the LGBTQ community is not immune to it
• Why wealthy gay men disengaging from the fight is a threat to everyone
• The role of authentic storytelling in building understanding across cultures
• What the Alwan Foundation is doing to increase visibility of LGBTQ life in the Gulf states

About Dr. Nas

Dr. Nas Mohamed is the first publicly out individual from Qatar, a physician, activist, and founder of both Osra Medical and the Alwan Foundation. Driven out of a country where being gay is criminalized, he built a practice and a movement rooted in one conviction: every person deserves to be seen, treated with respect, and given access to care without fear. He founded the Alwan Foundation to increase visibility of LGBTQ life across the Gulf states and has served as Grand Marshal of San Francisco Pride. He speaks globally on LGBTQ rights, healthcare equity, and what it actually costs to live authentically when your country criminalizes your existence.

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Hey Guys, Don't Forget!

Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. - Learn More! Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community