Do As We Say, Not As They Did

Is it love at first sight, or did your ADHD brain just find its latest hyperfixation?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are getting personal about their experiences with ADHD, from being diagnosed as adults to recognizing how it shaped their relationships long before they had a name for it.

They're talking about the difference between love and limerence, why new relationship energy (NRE) can make forever feel like a fantastic idea (for three weeks), and how rejection-sensitive dysphoria can turn a perfectly ordinary interaction into an emotional disaster.

Highlights of the episode:

•

Dr. Liz's 11-page relationship manual

•

How ADHD can impact dating, attraction, communication, and emotional connection

•

Why sensory overload and executive dysfunction can look like disinterest (and how to navigate it)

•

The difference between asking for emotional support and making someone else responsible for your feelings

And because this wouldn't be an episode of Do As We Say without ADHD-fueled tangents, tune in for the dating discourse AND detours involving broken bones, attractive doctors, caffeine experiments, and the questionable decisions of their younger selves.

Time Stamps

00:00 – Dr. Liz's broken wrist adventure

16:10 – Getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult

21:54 – Why dating with ADHD can be so distracting

26:14 – All the ADHD red flags they missed growing up

33:22 – When a new crush becomes your latest hyperfixation

35:01 – Rejection sensitivity and the fear of making a move

39:40 – Dating and hookups before smartphones

45:06 – What happens when NRE wears off?

47:49 – ADHD and the appeal of novelty

50:39 – Why changing plans can feel like an attack

58:35 – Dr. Liz's 11-page dating manual

01:04:45 – Are you high maintenance or high information?

01:08:44 – Why men struggle to talk about their emotional needs

01:20:00 – When loneliness leads men to the wrong communities

01:27:16 – ADHD and the guilt of being a bad friend

01:33:40 – Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris

Stay Connected

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Have you ever noticed how much online dating advice focuses less on solving real problems and more on inventing solutions to problems that don't exist?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell jump right into terrible dating advice with questionable statistics that make it sound like men shouldn't even try to date, and a dating/sugar-baby/baby-making website that seems like it could only appeal to Elon Musk or Nick Cannon.

First, they're setting the record straight on online dating. Because, and this may come as a surprise, dating apps aren't real life. Some of the problems you think are keeping you from finding love might be solved by showing genuine interest in another person.

Then, things take a turn for the stranger as they look at Knockr, a website where wealthy men can connect with women to have a baby and pay child support. Yeah, they're scratching their heads, too.

Highlights of the episode:

•

You're not owed a woman. Period.

•

Your dating app opener needs more than "Hey"

•

Getting 400 matches isn't actually a good thing

•

The "dating" service made for Elon Musk and Nick Cannon

Join us as we sort through bad dating advice, bizarre matching schemes, and the problems people keep insisting are everywhere. Because sometimes the biggest threat to your dating life isn't the competition or picky prospects…it's believing everything you read on Reddit.

Time Stamps

00:00 – Doctor Who, Dr. Liz, and Dr. Nerdlove introductions

03:36 – r/DatingAdviceForMen: "She's looking at 400, you're looking at 20"

07:23 – Are dating apps only for attractive men?

09:00 – More matches don't equal more dating options

11:17 – Dr. Liz's hot tips for dating apps

17:21 – How to turn a match into a date

22:43 – Attraction doesn't always create compatibility

25:52 – The REAL competition men are facing in dating

35:52 – Aella and her pronatalist matchmaking website: Knockr

39:15 – Wealthy donors and fertile women???

43:09 – What is the purpose of Knockr?

50:48 – Custody concerns with billionaire baby daddies

59:25 – What Knockr gets wrong about online dating safety

01:02:57 – Birth control and reproductive healthcare

01:05:22 – Final thoughts and where to find Harris and Dr. Liz

Stay Connected

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Why are people so worried about the attractiveness gap? What about the kindness gap? The "I can do chores around the house" gap? The emotional processing gap?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley read from Playboy Magazine. The article in question? "We Asked the Women of the SEC About Shrekking." And yes, SEC refers to the Southeastern Conference, not the Securities and Exchange Commission (but it's an easy mistake to make 😉).

As Liz and Harris dig into this supposed dating trend of beautiful women choosing "ugly" men, they have to look at the bigger picture: Why are we still treating physical attractiveness like the ultimate measure of someone's value as a partner? Especially when kindness, emotional availability, communication, accountability, and actually contributing to a relationship tend to matter a whole lot more once you're, you know…in one.

Highlights of the episode:

•

Attractiveness isn't the most important thing to look for in a partner

•

Why do men refuse to listen to women about what they want?

•

What do YOU bring to the table?

•

Dishes are something people who use dishes clean

•

Sometimes the "average" or "ugly" guy just has great game

If your dating strategy is built around finding the hottest person you can "get," it might be time to leave the swamp. And if you're not sure what to focus on instead, you've come to the right place.

Time Stamps

00:00 – Welcome to the podcast

02:18 – What is "Shrekking?"

03:13 – The beauty standards in Southern sororities

11:55 – Is dating someone less attractive actually "dating down"?

15:20 – The kind of dating down we SHOULD be talking about

18:30 – Treating women well might just lead to more dates

22:32 – The entitlement to wanting women you don't even like

28:05 – Performative attraction

30:03 – Maybe start with compatibility over looks

33:44 – What do women actually find attractive?

37:02 – Being hot doesn't make you a good partner

44:04 – Are you looking for a partner or trying to cast a movie?

47:01 – What are you bringing to a relationship?

55:04 – Fight Club explains why and where we are

59:-3 – Outsourcing human connection with AI

01:05:43 – Acceptance doesn't mean you have to like it

01:07:47 – So…is Shrekking a thing?

01:12:23 – Where to find Harris and Liz

Stay Connected

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We're all going to get older, so why does our culture treat aging like one of the worst things that can happen to us and our desire?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are joined by Wendy Strgar, founder of Good Clean Love, women's health pioneer, author, and educator, for an unfiltered conversation about menopause, changing bodies, mismatched desire, and intimacy in long-term relationships.

Through stories from r/Menopause and r/MenopauseShedForMen, they hear from folks who are struggling to experience pleasure, others who have given up completely, and what happens when one partner believes they should get a say in how the other handles their needs.

Highlights of the episode:

• When physical affection starts feeling like pressure for more
•

The astounding (but not surprising) lack of research into women's health

•

Why desire doesn't always show up on its own

•

How we can substitute connection with arguing

•

Why curiosity might be the secret to staying connected

Wisdom may come with age, but becoming a pro at relationships and intimacy certainly doesn't. Tune in to learn the importance of staying curious even as your body changes and always communicating honestly with your partner.

About Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar is an award-winning serial entrepreneur and founder of three women's health companies: Omnichannel consumer brand Good Clean Love, biotechnology women's health pioneer in vaginal biome science, and telemedicine platform Good Clean Clinical Care.

Under her leadership, Good Clean Love was distinguished by PETA as working for regulatory change. Her lubricants have been named in a National Institutes of Health study as among the safest in the market, and they are now the number one selling natural organic brand in the United States, with products on more than 40,000 store shelves.

She is a self-proclaimed lovologist, sexual health educator, and author of three books: Love That Works, Sex That Works, and the upcoming Life Bewildered. She was named in the 2025 Forbes 50 Over 50 list and named a visionary leader in multiple awards.

You can find her and her companies at:

Good Clean Love: https://goodcleanlove.com/

Good Clean Clinical Care: https://goodcleanclinicalcare.com

Substack: https://substack.com/@wendystrgar

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wendy.strgar/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@wendystrgar

Books: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Wendy-Strgar/author/B005CD92ZE

Time Stamps

00:00 – Welcome to Do As We Say, Not As They Did

01:00 – Meet today's guest: Wendy Strgar, founder of Good Clean Love

03:00 – How personal experiences inspired Good Clean Love

05:00 – The concerning ingredients in some lubricants

08:00 – How Wendy started the company in her kitchen

10:00 – How the body changes after menopause

14:00 – Mismatched desire in long-term relationships

18:00 – Using arguments as a substitute for connection

20:00 – Spontaneous vs responsive desire

30:00 – Everybody deserves pleasure

35:00 – Reddit Story #1: "I need a jackhammer"

44:00 – Aging and grieving as your body changes

50:00 – Reddit Story #2: "If I never had intimacy again, I would be content"

52:00 – Problems in the bedroom rarely start there

01:04:00 – Reddit Story #3: "Wife wants me to lower my libido"

01:08:00 – When you need to renegotiate a relationship

01:13:00 – Different ways to enjoy intimacy

01:20:00 – Supporting a menopausal partner without erasing your own needs

01:23:00 – How to navigate different desires in a relationship

01:29:00 – Where to find Wendy, Harris, and Liz

Stay Connected

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Women told men to stop approaching them, but now they're upset that men aren't taking charge? So what are men even supposed to do?! 🫩

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley dig into a post from r/DatingOver30 titled, "I Feel Gaslit by Modern Dating. Am I Completely Wrong?"

And, yes... he kind of is.

First things first, women changing their dating preferences isn't what gaslighting is. Secondly, this sounds less like modern dating suddenly changed the rules and more like someone heard "don't approach women like that" and decided it meant "never approach women again."

So how do you know when it's okay to approach someone? How can you actually flirt without being creepy?

It turns out the answer has much less to do with memorizing dating rules and a lot more to do with having people skills. And maybe stop taking your dating advice from the algorithm. 🤷

Highlights of the episode:

•

A reminder that women aren't a monolith, especially in dating

•

Why learning to read the room will get you farther than any dating rulebook ever will

•

Are there good and bad people, or are we all messy combinations of both?

•

Signs you may need to take a break from the internet

If your feed is suddenly showing you 20 videos a day about how women hate being approached (or hate NOT being approached), it doesn't mean you've discovered the secret thoughts of all women. It might just mean you need to put away the screen and go talk to real people. 😉

Time Stamps

00:00 – Welcome to Do As We Say

01:07 – r/DatingOver30: "I Feel Gaslit by Modern Dating"

08:10 – The problem with the "cold approach"

12:39 – Where is it okay to flirt?

14:03 – What's your goal for approaching someone?

19:13 – What women mean when they want men to "take the lead"

21:12 – There is no one right way to flirt

23:40 – Fascination is a flirting superpower

25:23 – Everybody has something cool about them

28:36 – Your desire might be making you forget the person in front of you

29:38 – Stop asking "how do I get them to like me?"

35:28 – Dating doesn't need a special set of rules

38:35 – Two places you really shouldn't hit on someone

40:32 – What charisma actually looks like

44:57 – What are you afraid will happen?

51:50 – Women aren't a monolith

55:03 – "I'd love it if women hit on me constantly!" Would you, though?

01:03:09 – Bean soup theory and dating advice

01:05:29 – It might be time to get off the internet

01:12:31 – Just treat women like people

01:13:03 – Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz

Stay Connected

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Is the male loneliness epidemic a real thing, or just something the internet won't stop talking about?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are getting right to the point: men are definitely lonely…but research suggests that they aren't uniquely lonely. If women are just as likely to be lonely as men are, what's the real predictor of loneliness?

Money.

Now that doesn't mean there isn't a gendered aspect to the problem. Along with ranting about the evils of capitalism, Dr. Liz and Harris talk about the way men are taught to handle emotions, what they think they should expect from a partner, and how their lack of strong support systems is an absolutely terrible treatment plan for loneliness.

Highlights of the episode:

•

Why money matters more to loneliness than gender

•

Why making lasting friendships is a marathon

•

How being nice is the baseline and how to find out what you can bring to a relationship

•

Why you can't think your way into being a good partner

Everyone is lonely, but if we keep acting like it's only a man problem, we're never going to find the right solution. Tune in to hear why it's easier than ever before to socially isolate yourself, and how to break the ice and actually meet other people.

Check us out on Nymph:

https://www.nymph.so/non-monogamy-hub/podcasts

Check Out the Nuclear Fusion App:

https://www.nuclearfusionapp.com/

Time Stamps

00:00 – Does the "male loneliness epidemic" truly exist?

03:04 – What predicts loneliness more than money?

04:23 – Third spaces, public transit, and the cost of having friends

11:25 – Education and social class

16:47 – Male suicide, mental health, and masculinity

20:09 – Why getting a girlfriend won't fix your feelings

23:54 – Loneliness is a people problem

24:43 – Why making friends as an adult is so hard

30:45 – How Burning Man and raves speedrun friendship building

33:13 – How lonely men became a business model

40:26 – Men's mental health vs Pride

43:36 – Why can't men just be close friends?

47:28 – Your partner can't be your everything

52:04 – What do you bring to the relationship?

56:37 – Love should be a verb

01:01:46 – Want a village? Be a villager.

01:03:56 – What helps with loneliness

01:04:20 – Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz

Stay Connected

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Are gold diggers actually lurking around every corner, just waiting to drain your bank account…or has dating advice on the internet convinced a whole bunch of men to fear a problem they most likely don't have?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley read through a Reddit post on r/DatingAdvice that 100% violates the community guidelines and promises men "how to avoid gold diggers."

And the real kicker? The post is supposedly written by a woman…

Between repetitive advice, rampant fatphobia, a judgemental attitude toward Slavic women, and a bunch of misogyny, the post opens up a much larger discussion about how toxic masculinity can impact both men and women in the dating world, and how social media has warped people's definitions of beauty.

Grab your popcorn and get ready for:

•

A very serious discussion about a Beauty and the Beast x Heated Rivalry crossover

•

The "plague" of gold diggers

•

You can't say your role as a man is to provide and get mad when women expect that

•

The difference between wanting a partner and wanting other people to envy your partner

•

You need to stop looking at Instagram and look at people in the real world

•

You might want the Instagram model, but what could you even offer her?

Whether your pockets are full of gold or pretty empty, Harris and Liz are here to remind you that love and attraction means a lot more than physical attraction and your net worth. And if you're determined to date an Instagram model while living a decidedly non-Instagram-model lifestyle, then maybe the problem isn't women.

Time Stamps

00:00 – Do you truly need a Lambo?

00:31 – Welcome & a brief AO3 tangent

05:41 – r/DatingAdvice: "A Guide for Men on How to Avoid Gold Diggers (From a Woman)"

07:06 – Instagram models & Dubai girls

13:15 – How social media impacts who you find attractive

15:53 – Dating for yourself vs for other men

17:12 – The podcast test for spotting a gold digger

21:03 – The fatphobia behind "maybe you can only afford a fat woman"

24:04 – Surprise! A brief capitalism rant

26:43 – You will never be skinny enough for the internet

29:28 – W-2 knowledge is somehow dating advice now

35:47 – Should you date a woman who works a trade?

37:41 – Most couples don't look like IG models

45:12 – Why low-stakes first dates can be great

48:22 – "All women are naturally expensive" & other internet BS

51:43 – Beauty and choice feminism

53:44 – How toxic masculinity creates the gold digger problem

56:23 – If you're not rich, you probably don't have a gold digger problem

59:58 – Where to find Dr. Liz & Harris

Stay Connected

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Would you pay over $60,000 to find a date?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell skip the Reddit disasters and get right to the source of modern dating…and why it sucks so much. Reading articles from The Cut, Wired, and the New York Times, they explore the problem with dating apps, why people are leaving them in droves, and how poor dating prospects are even affecting high-status, wealthy people. The only difference is that they're turning to 5 and 6 figure matchmakers instead of Tinder and Hinge.

Highlights of the episode:

•

Grindr's gayborhood rebrand and their selection of GLP-1s

•

Discussions of what makes someone "worthy" of a relationship

•

Hinge thought Harris was a lesbian (and made it hard to get dates)

•

Liz and Harris mourn the loss of OG OKCupid

•

A breakdown of what Mrs. Doubtfire was actually about…

•

An open call for any freaky rich people to fund a freaky dating app

When capitalism impacts literally every aspect of our lives, inducing romance, how are we actually supposed to date in 2026? Well, Liz and Harris come in clutch with the ways you can actually connect with someone instead of endlessly swiping right.

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome to the episode!

01:34 - Bumble changed the one thing that made it stand out

03:05 - Why dating apps all feel the same now

04:12 - Feeld's vanilla invitation & Grindr's GLP-1s

08:37 - Remember when OKCupid was actually good?

10:03 - Why people are abandoning dating apps

16:03 - What happens when niche dating apps go mainstream?

18:43 - Rose jail and paywalls on apps

19:59 - The "good man shortage" and 6 figure matchmakers

24:35 - Why are high-earning women hiring matchmakers?

27:29 - How money and gender roles affect relationships

34:04 - How are matchmakers finding eligible men?

40:59 - Hundreds of first dates (but still single)

42:43 - Do your first dates look more like job interviews?

44:47 - Questions worth asking on a first date

51:46 - The strangest dating checklist we've ever heard

52:42 - You probably don't know what you want

54:34 - What actually makes people compatible?

56:54 - Dating apps, capitalism, and the death of third spaces

58:30 - Dating apps are designed to frustrate you into paying

01:01:17 - Sometimes the problem in dating is you

01:03:38 - Why dinner can be a terrible first date

01:08:12 - First date ideas that are actually fun!

01:08:12 - In defense of the "low-effort" first date

01:15:24 - Use dating apps as a supplement to meeting people

01:17:19 - Where to find Harris & Dr. Liz

Stay Connected

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If your partner starts talking to you in a different language the first time you get in bed together, what would your reaction be?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley get back to their Reddit-y roots with two stories that seem wildly different, but both boil down to the same thing: communication.

First, they hear from a woman whose first time with her boyfriend did not go how she expected. They both speak Spanish, but he suddenly burst into English and moved her from position to position.

Then (prepare yourself for this one), a woman's boyfriend refuses to help her with normal tasks, but gets angry at her when she finds another way to accomplish them.

Highlights of the episode:

•

Why you should look at adult films in the same way you watch Fast & Furious

•

How to ask for what you want without killing the mood

•

What looks good on camera doesn't always feel good

•

The truth about the "friend zone" (men, you're doing it too)

•

Is your partner helping you succeed or setting you up to fail?

If you're not entirely satisfied with what's happening in the bedroom, you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells around your partner, or you're somewhere in between, this episode has resources, practical tips, and plenty of strong opinions about building relationships that feel good to be in.

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome to the episode

01:10 - Reddit story #1: "First time with boyfriend felt more like a performance"

04:41 - The difference between connection and performance

05:31 - It's okay to slow down!

06:35 - Fast & Furious is not educational, and neither are adult films

08:21 - Some positions are made for cameras instead of pleasure

13:37 - Take the time to learn what your partner likes

18:05 - Safewords are for everyone

20:22 - Why couples should have more conversations about intimacy

23:02 - Great books and resources to read

25:19 - The climax gap

27:45 - You don't have to know everything the first time

29:37 - How you talk about pleasure doesn't have to be clinical

31:14 - Embrace the awkward

34:43 - There are so many ways to give your partner pleasure

36:41 - If your partner doesn't care how you feel, LEAVE THEM!

39:35 - Reddit Story #2: "Boyfriend doesn't help me, but gets mad when I find other solutions"

42:24 - One person doesn't get to decide how everything gets done

45:38 - Weaponized bad moods

47:47 - Coercive control doesn't always mean physical violence

49:29 - If you're always walking on eggshells, that's a warning sign

52:06 - Plot twist: Looking at OP's Reddit post history

54:16 - Compulsory heterosexuality

55:45 - Butterflies might be signaling danger, not excitement

57:57 - Trauma and splitting emotional intimacy from desire

59:59 - Physical closeness can feel easier than emotional vulnerability

01:05:09 - The truth about the "friend zone"

01:05:31 - Your partner should want you to succeed

01:08:43 - Relationship red flags worth learning

01:11:09 - Where to find Harris and Dr.Liz

Episode Resources

Men's Weaponized Bad Moods

Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon

Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski

She Comes First by Ian Kerner

Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

Why Does He Do That by Landy Bancroft

Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger

Stay Connected

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Have you heard about the infamous TikTok Voice Memo Guy?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell fill you in on all the details, some questionable twists, and their thoughts on how weird it is to schedule getting laid via voice memo.

A few months ago, a guy sent a voice memo to a woman he'd gone on a date with, saying that if their second date wasn't going to end with them in bed together, there was no point in going at all. His message points out a larger problem in our dating culture: we teach men to center their own pleasure over their partner's pleasure, comfort, or even safety. What initially might sound blunt and straightforward starts looking a lot more like coercion when you listen closely.

Get ready for:

• Why wanting to get laid early in dating isn't inherently wrong (and neither is wanting to wait)
• How to talk about physical compatibility without pressure
• The FRIES model of consent
• Why being upfront about what you want gets you better matches

Before you start sending thinly veiled demands to get laid, listen to the episode and take some notes. You'll get so much further with curiosity than entitlement.

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome! 01:11 - TikTok's "Voice Memo Guy" 02:15 - "If I'm not getting laid, what's the point?" 04:37 - The FRIES model for consent 07:45 - You can't pre-consent to intimacy 12:05 - Wanting to get laid isn't wrong; the approach can be 13:57 - Don't dangle dating as a reward for getting laid 20:24 - Men aren't the only ones into casual hookups 23:00 - Our culture teaches men to center their own pleasure 24:30 - How to talk about physical compatibility in a healthy way 25:27 - There's a difference between boundaries and ultimatums 27:45 - If you want a casual hookup, just say that! 30:14 - Do you want a hookup or a conquest? 32:20 - How "boundaries" can turn into manipulation 36:02 - A twist! Was the voice memo guy using a script? 43:49 - Physical safety and communication is hot 47:45 - Can you keep flirting after someone says no? 50:56 - Curiosity vs entitlement 54:34 - How to talk about wanting a physical relationship 01:02:08 - It's okay to be upfront about what you want 01:05:03 - Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris

Stay Connected

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How do you react when people tell you things you wish you'd never heard?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are joined by Evita Sawyers for a conversation about emotional responsibility, connection, desire, and what happens when people treat others like solutions instead of human beings.

First, they wade through a toxic mess where a man learns that his married father is considering buying a house with a woman he's only been seeing for four months. Then, they chat about a post from r/Relationships, where a woman's best friend confesses he's been in love with her for years… even though she's a lesbian.

Highlights of the episode:

•

Why the patriarchy harms men, too

•

The line between ethical polyamory and cheating

•

The solution to the male loneliness epidemic

Emotional intelligence and good communication aren't things we're born knowing. They take self-awareness, practice, and a willingness to grow. If you're ready to build healthier relationships, this episode is full of practical insights (and maybe an open call to make the Golden Girls for men).

Who Is Evita Sawyers and How to Connect

Evita "Lavitaloca" Sawyers is a black, queer, femme, ethical non-monogamy coach, speaker, educator, and author. She is the creator of "Today's Polyamory Reminder," which has inspired over 60,000 followers. She is the author of "A Polyamory Devotional-365 Daily Reflections for the Consensually Nonmonogamous". Evita is also the subject of the groundbreaking polyamorous documentary "Poly-Love".

Website: https://www.evitasawyers.com/

Threads: https://www.threads.com/@lavitaloca34

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lavitaloca34

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/LavitalocaSawyers

Substack: https://lavitalocasawyers.substack.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lavitalocasawyers/

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome & introducing guest, Evita Sawyers

02:32 - Rebuilding life in your 40s

05:41 - Finding gratitude and joy even when it's hard

09:36 - Optimistic nihilism and what we should expect from each other

14:24 - Wanting a "$1 experience for 15 cents"

16:00 - Modern dating advice, emotional intelligence, and healthy masculinity

18:37 - Patriarchy fails men, too

23:23 - Reddit story #1: r/TrueOffMyChest: "Are my parents in an open relationship?"

28:34 - Ethical non-monogamy vs cheating

34:53 - Self-abandonment and the myth of the midlife crisis

46:38 - Opening a relationship isn't always the answer

51:15 - We're all going to age

54:06 - Men, make friends

01:02:53 - Reddit story #2: r/Relationships: "My male best friend confessed his love, but I'm a lesbian"

01:07:19 - Nice Guy thinking and hidden agendas in friendship

01:13:34 - Unrequited love is yours to grieve

01:18:04 - Can this friendship be saved?

01:26:04 - Stop reading the teal leaves

01:27:25 - "I am worthy of unambiguous desire"

01:31:27 - You don't need to earn love

01:33:38 - Your feelings are your responsibility

01:37:32 - If it isn't a clear yes, it's a no

01:39:43 - Final thoughts: Human beings just want connection

01:43:14 - Where to find Evita, Dr. Liz, and Harris

Stay Connected

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Have you ever set yourself up to get hurt, but you just couldn't help yourself?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley are joined by the brilliant Jessica Daylover. Polyamorous since 2013, co-author of "Polyamory & Parenthood," and founder of Remodeled Love and the Nuclear Fusion Network, Jessica brings all the insightful commentary on two poly relationship stories that…let's just say aren't exactly set up for success.

First up, they hear from a woman devastated to learn her husband called his girlfriend his best lover…which she only found out by going through his phone. Then they get into the weeds of age-gap relationships when they read a post from a 25-year-old whose 49-year-old partner is struggling with jealousy over her 34-year-old partner.

Buckle up for:

•

How the Nuclear Fusion app is helping people learn how to build community

•

A painful reminder that you should never go through your partner's phone, even if you have an "open phone" agreement

•

Building self-worth instead of centering yourself around your partner's relationships

•

How jealousy can get quieter when you get yourself some business

If you're a professional self-saboteur, or you find that the things you're intellectually okay with don't always match up with what your nervous system says, grab a snack, get comfy, and listen up.

Who Is Jessica Daylover and How to Connect

Jessica Daylover is an educator, producer, entertainer, mystic, and mother who practices Relationship Anarchy in every area of her life. An entrepreneur since 2008, she is the founder of Remodeled Love, an online platform that helps polyamorous and poly-curious people build relationships that feel safe, sustainable, and free; and Nuclear Fusion Network, a community-building app dedicated to helping people create real, local, interdependent communities rooted in care, courage, and accountability.

Jessica's work is rooted in expanding the cultural narrative on love, family, and parenthood—an expression of her Sagittarius Sun paired with a Cancer Moon and Ascendant, and a deep belief that connection is the true elixir of life.

Website: https://www.remodeledlove.com/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/remodeledlove

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/remodeledlove/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/jeswiith1s

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RemodeledLove

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@remodeledlove

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome & introducing Jessica Daylover (Remodeled Love)

04:06 - Nuclear Fusion: an app for building community online

10:28 - The importance of learning how to be part of a village

14:19 - Mental health, nervous systems, and emotional regulation

21:39 - Building community

36:30 - Reddit story #1: "My husband said his girlfriend is his best lover"

39:57 - Best lover doesn't automatically mean best partner

41:52 - Setting yourself up for pain in a relationship

54:45 - How different partners can meet different needs

56:41 - Emotional Aikido

01:00:27 - Reddit story #2: "My 49-year-old partner is jealous of my 34-year-old partner"

01:06:34 - First impression: red flag or not?

01:10:04 - Why age gaps aren't always bad, but they can create problems

01:16:37 - When your values support polyamory, but your nervous system doesn't

01:22:02 - Parallel polyamory vs kitchen table polyamory

01:23:48 - You don't need to be perfect

01:27:53 - Taking accountability as the older person in age-gap relationships

01:36:30 - Where to find Jessica Daylover and Remodeled Love

01:39:07 - Where to find Harris and Liz

Stay Connected

📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com

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💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social

📘 Facebook: http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod

Is it better to be in a relationship where you're constantly contorting yourself to avoid saying "no," or one where your partner can't say "no" at all?

Trick question. The answer is neither.

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell are joined by author, educator, and longtime member of Philadelphia's polyamory community, Kevin Patterson. They read two stories that seem completely unrelated, but share the same uncomfortable truth: relationships stop being healthy when someone else's autonomy disappears.

First, they dive into a spectacularly tangled Reddit post where a Dungeons and Dragons group has become a web of people-pleasing, poor communication, and emotional control. Then they discuss a Wired profile of Mystery (a pickup artist who rose to fame in the early 2000s) and his new AI girlfriend, exploring what it means to build intimacy with a partner who can never truly disagree.

Prepare yourself for:

•

Harris' 15 minutes of reality TV fame?!?!

•

The D&D to poly pipeline

•

How control can come from someone who acts like the victim

•

The appeal (and danger) of a frictionless or only friction relationship

•

The rise and fall of the early 2000s pickup scene

•

Building an AI to train people into being better

•

Healthy boundaries require honest "yes's" and "no's"

From people-pleasing and emotional control to AI companions designed to agree with you, get ready for insightful takes about building healthy relationships that have boundaries, mutual respect, and a willingness to hear (and say) "no."

Who Is Kevin Patterson?

Kevin Patterson is a member of the Philadelphia polyamory community. He's been practicing ethical nonmonogamy since August of 2002 after opening up a relationship that eventually became his marriage.

Kevin's work focused on polyamorous representation, leading to a blog project, Poly Role Models, the award-winning non-fiction book, Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities, and, along with co-writer Alana Phelan, a sci-fi novel series, For Hire, which centers characters of color as well as other marginalized identities.

You can find Kevin at:

•

Website: https://www.kevinapatterson.com/

•

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/polyrolemodels

•

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/polyrolemodels/

•

Twitter: https://x.com/PolyRoleModels

•

Tumblr: https://polyrolemodels.tumblr.com/

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome and meet Kevin Patterson

02:54 - Books by Kevin Patterson and why representation matters

05:12 - r/RelationshipProblems: a polyamorous D&D disaster

09:16 - Rules vs boundaries

13:53 - First impressions…where do we even begin

16:16 - Why Bark's "yes" isn't safe

20:22 - When consent stops being meaningful

24:19 - You can't control your way out of insecurity

26:11 - The fourth option: break up

30:44 - OP's follow-up

34:23 - Advice for Bark, Thorn, and OP

41:04 - The biggest relationship red flag

42:46 - Mystery has an AI girlfriend

50:26 - Can you really date an AI?

55:06 - Pickup artists and objectification

59:02 - AI can't replace human relationships!

01:03:43 - AI psychosis and loneliness

01:06:14 - Please stop the AI slop

01:11:14 - Building the "perfect partner"

01:13:25 - Black Mirror's artificial intimacy cautionary tale

01:15:35 - What if your friend starts dating an AI?

01:21: 29 - Why you need to watch Chimp Crazy

01:25:32 - Real relationships need friction

01:35:27 - Final thoughts and where to connect with Harris, Liz, and Kevin

Stay Connected

📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/

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🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod

📘 Facebook: http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod

⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

Could your biggest obstacle to dating success be the advice you've been following?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley endure the trenches of r/PurplePillDebate, a supposedly neutral subreddit where you somehow end up with advice like "Men, don't talk to women." Huh?

According to one self-proclaimed 10, "ugly" men shouldn't bother trying to talk to a woman in person because they simply have no chance. After all, if no one wants to swipe right online, what makes face-to-face any different?

And boy howdy, do Harris and Dr. Liz have some thoughts.

Tune in for:

•

Dating is not a business, so stop looking for your ROI

•

People can sense desperation, and it's not attractive

•

How misogyny hurts both men and women

•

You'll be more interesting if you're interested in things (genuinely interested)

•

Tom Holland's Umbrella performance is the hottest thing to ever exist

•

Looks are a small part of attraction

Most people just want to make a connection. But they want to make a connection with someone who has hobbies and enjoys things. If you've been striking out in the dating department, take some notes. You just might have been getting advice from the wrong place.

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome!

02:15 - r/PurplePillDebate "Don't Talk to Women in Person"

03:00 - Are dating apps designed to keep you single?

05:28 - Why dating apps are frustrating for everyone

05:49 - What is the "purple pill?"

06:55 - Jumping into u/WoodenHuckleberry693's dating philosophy

09:20 - Please don't look for the ROI in dating

12:23 - Cold approaches vs genuine connections

15:11 - Hobbies aren't pickup opportunities

16:20 - Dating profile choices that turn people away

18:48 - Matches don't equal dates

20:40 - Become a whole person before looking for a partner

23:29 - What actually makes someone interesting?

24:34 - The truth about dating in the 2000s

25:58 - People can tell when you're only there to pick someone up

29:32 - Genuine conversation and connection in action

31:41 - Leaving the conversation can actually increase attraction

36:32 - Non-attachment to the outcome in dating

38:30 - Safety is a foundation of attraction

41:02 - Stop casting people in your fantasy before you've met them

41:56 - The charisma factor

45:51 - The wonders that seeing women as people can do

46:49 - Hobby spaces spot desperation immediately

49:12 - Tom Holland's Umbrella performance is perfect

52:59 - Cynicism is killing your dating life

55:12 - Attraction is so much bigger than physical appearance

59:36 - Most people just want a connection

01:00:55 - Unpack your misogyny

01:08:38 - Be a person worth connecting with

01:10:10 - When to find Harris and Dr. Liz

Stay Connected

📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/

💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social

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Is there a secret formula for healthy, conflict-free relationships?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley have an insightful yap session about why so many people approach dating and relationships like they're trying to solve a logic puzzle, and why that often creates more frustration than it solves.

From clients who expect their therapists to "fix them" to people who would do anything to avoid the friction that comes with being around other people, Harris and Liz have a lot to say about what it means to be vulnerable, the necessity of doing hard things, and how therapy is most effective.

Highlights of the episode:

•

Liz's love for Couples Therapy (you should totally add it to your watchlist!)

•

Why love isn't enough to sustain a relationship

•

Breaking up is not failing!!!

•

Harris' boomer opinion about technology…but he's not wrong 😉

Everyone wants the perfect dating advice or script to say, and while Liz and Harris can't promise that, they can promise thoughtful discussion and practical tips to help you nurture healthy relationships.

Time Stamps

00:00 - Intro and welcome

00:45 - People who don't see therapists as human

02:20 - Why understanding why you do something isn't enough to change

03:35 - The biggest myth TV teaches us about therapy

04:20 - Therapists pay attention to how you relate to them as a person

06:15 - Looking for the "right words" instead of real connection

07:30 - Changing your appearance won't fix deeper insecurities

08:00 - How watching Couples Therapy exposes relationship pitfalls

11:30 - Why people search for loopholes instead of accountability

15:56 - Why so many people want therapy to "fix" their partner

17:35 - Couples therapy isn't appropriate for abusive relationships

19:25 - How manipulative people can pull therapists into unhealthy dynamics

21:20 - "The yogurt isn't the problem" and seeing the bigger picture

23:10 - Dating while neurodivergent

25:00 - Why pretending to be someone else hurts future relationships

26:30 - Objecting to a marriage

29:10 - Love isn't enough to make people compatible

30:40 - Waiting for someone to change vs. accepting reality

32:10 - Why we stay in relationships long after we should leave

34:10 - Healthy relationships can end and still be successful

35:30 - It's okay to be the "villain" in someone else's story

38:55 - You can't control how other people feel about you

40:05 - Clean endings hurt less than prolonged suffering

40:55 - Technology has lowered our tolerance for discomfort

42:45 - Conflict already exists, you don't create it by speaking up

44:00 - Learning to tolerate friction in relationships

46:15 - Generational differences, boredom, and resilience

50:22 - There is no perfect relationship formula

52:10 - The limits of logic in relationships

54:00 - The Imago exercise from Cultivating Connections

57:20 - ADHD, executive dysfunction, and why "lazy" isn't the whole story

1:00:30 - Everyone wants to be understood first

1:02:00 - Dating doesn't need more buzzwords

1:04:40 - Purity culture, loopholes, and relationship myths

1:06:00 - Growing up through moral panics

1:09:45 - Final dating takeaways and relationship recommendations

1:13:30 - Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz

Stay Connected

📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/

💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social

🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod

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⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

Are some people just wired for jealousy, with no hope of changing, or is it actually the check engine light for your relationship?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell discuss Psychology with Dr. Ana's YouTube video, "Turns Out Jealousy Isn't Always a You Problem." The video reveals research that suggests nearly 40% of jealousy may be driven by relationship dynamics rather than individual personality traits.

Harris gets to dust off his English degrees as they talk about the difference between jealousy and envy, and why it's an important distinction to make. They also dig into attachment styles, how insecurity and relationship instability fuel jealousy, and why most of the internet gives truly terrible relationship advice.

And between the tangents about Masters of the Universe and psychology deep cuts, they tackle:

•

Whether a relationship can survive cheating

•

Why people cheat (and why that's different from excusing cheating)

•

Adult content and the panic around whether it's cheating

•

Why polyamorous people get jealous too

•

How to communicate difficult emotions without blame

If you've convinced yourself you're doomed to an anxious or avoidant attachment style, or that you'll always be jealous when your partner talks to someone else, give this episode a listen.

Time Stamps

00:00 - Intro and the least subtle transition to jealousy ever

01:21 - Jealousy in non-monogamy

07:05 - Jealousy vs. envy

10:18 - Today's video: "Turns Out Jealousy Isn't Always a You Problem"

12:53 - Emotional jealousy vs cognitive jealousy explained

16:08 - Why men reported higher levels of cognitive jealousy

18:10 - Jealousy as a relationship signal

22:02 - Questions to ask yourself when jealousy shows up

24:18 - Rejection-sensitive dysphoria and fear of abandonment

25:09 - Can relationships recover after cheating?

34:19 - What unmet needs can teach us about infidelity

40:24 - Values, accountability, and understanding why cheating happens

41:26 - Emotional intelligence skills we all need to learn

42:33 - A polyamory case study: when jealousy points to a real problem

47:05 - Attachment styles and relationship dynamics

52:58 - Why emotional intelligence should be taught in schools

54:20 - Building secure attachment in relationships

56:12 - Why most of the internet gives terrible relationship advice

01:02:53 - How to have difficult conversations without blame

01:06:15 - The shame of talking about your desires

01:09:59 - What helps people work through jealousy

01:14:11 - Final thoughts: jealousy is a normal emotion

01:15:10 - Outro and where to find Dr. Liz and Harris

Stay Connected

📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/

💙 BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/doaswesaypod.bsky.social

🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/DoAsWeSayPod

📘 Facebook: http://facebook.com/doaswesaypod

⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

Have you ever thought about how much saliva affects intimacy?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley are joined by Marcin (he/him), founder of Twinkle Tongue, a saliva enhancement product designed to support their body's natural saliva production for a more satisfying and fun bedroom experience. Together, they discuss two Reddit posts, one from a woman whose headgame is literally dry, and someone else who's really, really into spit and interested in hearing other people's perspectives.

Plus, we're excited to announce our first-ever podcast giveaway! Thanks to Twinkle Tongue, listeners can enter for a chance to win free product and experience the magic for themselves.

🎁 Enter for a chance to win here: https://gleam.io/BOOPO/twinkle-tongue-giveaway

Prepare yourself for:

•

What ADHD meds, Burning Man, and recreational substances have in common

•

Cursed playlists and roommate escapades

•

A thoughtful discussion as to whether Mao or Marx would give good head

•

A reminder that receiving feedback in the bedroom is just as important as giving it

This episode jumps into the delightful Reddit rabbit hole of intimacy and offers a chaotic look at something most people never think about until they have to.

Who is Marcin, and what is Twinkle Tongue?

Marcin founded Twinkle Tongue after his own experiences with dry mouth in college and Burning Man to naturally enhance saliva production in a portable, easy-to-use product.

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome and guest introduction

01:05 - Dry mouth and the search for a solution

03:04 - How Burning Man led to the beginning of Twinkle Tongue

05:20 - The science behind saliva optimization

10:30 - Common misconceptions about saliva enhancement

11:45 - Dr. Liz's experiences with Twinkle Tongue

14:24 - Dry mouth outside of the bedroom: medications, health, and quality of life

17:54 - Twinkle Tonue giveaway announcement

19:00 - Reddit post #1: "Dry mouth is ruining my game"

21:45 - Dry mouth, pleasure, and common "solutions"

25:40 - Medical treatments and dry mouth management

28:28 - Communication, assumptions, and feedback in the bedroom

31:40 - Silent partners and roommate stories

39:52 - What dry playtime actually feels like

44:18 - Reddit post #2: "Anyone else really into spit?"

45:12 - Why spit can be so erotic for folks

50:25 - The psychology of sharing saliva

53:20 - Kissing compatibility and making out

57:54 - Why saliva matters in intimacy

01:00:30 - Dry mouth, lubrication, and how our bodies respond

01:04:10 - Anxiety, communication, and confidence in the bedroom

01:06:25 - How to talk about intimacy without making it weird

01:10:30 - Giving and receiving feedback effectively in the bedroom

01:13:48 - Giveaway reminder and where to find Twinkle Tongue

01:15:25 - Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz

Connect with Twinkle Tonue

https://twinkletongue.com/

https://www.instagram.com/twinkletongue/

https://www.tiktok.com/@twinkletongue

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100081513310480

Stay Connected

📩 Business Inquiries: doaswesaypod@gmail.com

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/

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⏰ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@DoAsWeSayPod

Does a woman earning more than a man in a relationship make you feel some type of way?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Dr. Liz Powell and Harris O'Malley jump right into The Guardian's article, "Single women are buying more houses. The men they are dating are not responding well," and talk about what happens when women are no longer forced into needing men for financial security, and why some men are responding to that reality very, very badly.

Along the way, Harris and Liz explore the ways in which men are really struggling right now (and why women aren't the problem), how capitalism makes everything worse, and what it would actually take to become the kind of man who can celebrate his partner's success as he would his own.

Stay tuned for:

•

A much-needed deconstruction of the Man Box™

•

How Fight Club predicted the manosphere

•

Why you're not competing with other daters; you're competing with Dungeon Crawler Carl

•

A deep dive into the 1988 Tom Cruise movie, Cocktail

It doesn't matter whether you're buying a house, dating someone who owns one, or just happy you got the rent paid last month; we've got the research, the psychological insight, obscure movie references, and the relationship advice you need.

And when you're done listening, check out this article on the Man Box and how to deconstruct harmful or limiting beliefs on masculinity: https://www.nextgenmen.ca/blog/deconstructing-the-man-box

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome and introductions

00:47 - The Guardian: "Single women are buying more houses"

01:49 - Do men actually want independent women?

05:45 - How Fight Club prophesied the manosphere

07:28 - Why social change is always met with backlash

10:43 - The conservative shift of Gen Z men

14:47 - Are men falling behind, or are women just finally allowed to catch up?

16:28 - Capitalism is the problem

19:27 - Privilege and the ability to handle setbacks

23:49 - The divide between what men think women want vs what they actually want

24:41 - Bay Area real estate

29:22 - The lie of "I love independent women"

30:40 - Are your circumstances unattractive or your attitude toward your circumstances

37:25 - What is the modern paradigm of straight relationships?

39:28 - If being treated like a woman feels bad, what does that say?

41:12 - Research on breanwinner anxiety and men's stress

44:42 - Men do have problems they need to solve

47:42 - The "Man Box"

51:00 - The unending concern of men getting less "manly"

55:02 - The 4B movement

57:51 - Online dating sucks now

01:00:45 - Being wanted vs being needed

01:02:33 - Tradwives and sacrificing autonomy

01:05:37 - The power dynamic of moving into someone's established space

01:08:54 - It's okay to live separately

01:13:55 - You're not competing with other men, you're competing with Dungeon Crawler Carl

01:14:40 - Read more, go to therapy

01:15:23 - Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris

Stay Connected

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📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doaswesaypod/

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We have a question for you: Do you actually want a partner, or are you just looking for someone to call your girlfriend?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell share two Reddit stories that reveal just how much the manosphere has poisoned modern dating, and the actual work it takes to build and maintain healthy, happy relationships.

First up is a man who leaves his wife of 20 years for a 20-something, only to realize that putting zero work and effort into a relationship will only ever result in failure.

Then, Dr. Liz and Harris tackle an absurd ultimatum: a boyfriend demands that his girlfriend laser all her body hair to "prove she'll sacrifice for the relationship." They're sure you can guess how much he's willing to sacrifice for her…

Highlights of the episode:

•

The male loneliness narrative

•

Why Harris considers himself more of a badger than a bear

•

Some mutual venting about how much shaving sucks

The bottom line is that healthy relationships take effort. And if you don't have good intentions, trust, and mutual respect, your relationship troubles will be sure to follow you.

Time Stamps

00:00 - Welcome to the show

00:40 - Weather, capitalism, and Bay Area rent

04:00 - First Reddit story: "My ex-wife predicted my future"

06:00 - Leaving a long marriage for a younger partner

09:00 - Why relationships stagnate

12:20 - Relationship maintenance and emotional labor

16:30 - Small acts of care to keep relationships strong

19:30 - Midlife crises and aging anxiety

24:20 - Why large age-gap relationships can struggle

27:00 - Dating dynamics in poly and kink communities

29:30 - The "no communication for a week" dating problem

31:00 - Accountability and the consequences of cheating

34:30 - Divorce, grief, and relief

35:30 - Do men still learn romance from culture?

37:00 - The manosphere, misogyny, and the male loneliness narrative

40:40 - Why male friendships and emotional vulnerability matter

44:20 - Second Reddit story: "Laser remove your body hair, or I'm out"

47:00 - Why ultimatums are a huge red flag

50:30 - Complicated feelings around body hair

58:40 - The breakup and escape plan

01:02:30 - Meltdowns and harassment

01:07:00 - Sacrifice vs equity in relationships

01:09:00 - Why couples need regular relationship check-ins

01:11:00 - Relationship skills everyone should learn

01:12:40 - Men: learn to cook to improve your dating life

01:13:45 - Where to find Dr. Liz and Harris

01:14:50 - Closing thoughts

#drnerdlove #drlizpowell #doaswesaypod #datingpodcast #relationshippodcast #datingredflags #reddit #redditstories #redditreadings #redditrelationshipadvice #redditstorytime #misogny

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What happens when people open a relationship without unpacking everything monogamy taught them first?

In this episode of Do As We Say, Not As They Did, Harris O'Malley and Dr. Liz Powell sit down with Kristen VanKlootwyk, psychotherapist and co-creator of The Non Monogamy Card Game, to talk about the communication that doesn't always happen in poly relationships…but really should. Then, they discuss two struggling Redditors: one man who's struggling to find dates when his wife isn't, and a woman who said yes to opening a relationship to make her husband happy, but now she's miserable.

Highlights of the episode:

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How you can improve your relationship communication with The Non-Monogamy Card Game

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Healthy communication in poly relationships will help you gain a Jedi-like sense of self-awareness

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Why polyamory isn't just about balancing multiple relationships, but also your self-care and personal needs

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Old people are getting busy, and that's GREAT 😉

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A loving reminder of what boundaries are, and why it's your job to enforce them

Polyamorous or monogamous, communication, emotional processing, and boundary setting are all necessary skills to build relationships that work for everyone involved. So open up your notes app and get ready for all the resources, gentle reminders, and nerdy metaphors you need to create relationships that truly bring you joy.

Who is Kristen VanKlootwyk, and what is The Non Monogamy Card Game?

Kristen VanKlootwyk is a psychotherapist who, along with their good friend Ayala, set out to create a resource to help friends and clients ask the right questions and engage with their partners to build strong poly relationships. After developing 150 foundational and developmental questions, they released The Non Monogamy Card Game as a versatile resource to help guide and facilitate meaningful conversations.

Time Stamps

00:00 - Introducing Dr. Liz, Harris, and Kristen

01:25 - Addressing the hate comments

03:57 - What is The Non Monogamy Card Game?

06:50 - Expectations of polyamory vs the reality

08:15 - Jealousy vs compersion and emotional processing

12:10 - Late-stage capitalism and changing relationship structures

13:38 - Neurodivergence and geek culture in non-traditional relationships

16:56 - Scheduling and emotional labor in polyamory

18:55 - The most important relationship questions people forget to ask

24:00 - The importance of communication in any relationship structure

26:51 - Cultural conditioning around monogamy

29:03 - Ageism, fatphobia, and stereotypes in poly communities

33:35 - Insecurity in opening relationships

39:14 - Reddit story #1: a man struggles to find dates when his wife doesn't

41:54 - Why women are hesitant to date men

45:12 - Connect with people in the non-monogamy community

47:20 - How to bring up that you're poly in a conversation

54:01 - Why do you want to try polyamory?

01:00:51 - Slow dating might help build better connections

01:06:11 - What is being poly about?

01:09:58 - Reddit story #2: my husband is poly, but I don't think I am

01:16:31 - Love has nothing to do with compatibility

01:19:04 - Attachment wounds, boundaries, and acceptance

01:26:00 - It's okay to grow apart

01:29:40 - How willing are you to accept reality?

01:51:44 - What is a boundary?

01:57:36 - Where to find The Non Monogamy Card Game

01:58:37 - Where to find Harris and Dr. Liz

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