Get Your Marriage On! with Dan Purcell

What if the way you're trying to create more intimacy in your marriage is actually making your spouse want it less?

When one spouse wants sex more often than the other, it's easy to get stuck in a frustrating cycle. One person pursues, the other withdraws, and both end up feeling misunderstood, pressured, or rejected.

In this episode, Dan Purcell sits down with Dr. Corey Allan, host of Sexy Marriage Radio, to explore the difference between clean and dirty signals in marriage—and how both spouses can unknowingly make desire differences harder.

Being clear about what you want isn't necessarily the same as being clean about it.

Dirty signals might look like subtle punishment after rejection, withdrawing affection, avoiding uncomfortable conversations, or making promises of future intimacy that aren't genuine.

Dan and Corey discuss how these patterns develop, why both higher- and lower-desire spouses have a role to play, and what it looks like to take responsibility for your own reactions rather than trying to control your spouse.

You'll also learn practical ways to communicate your desires more honestly, navigate disappointment without resentment, and repair the connection when things don't go well.

Resources mentioned:

Dr. Corey Allan's free healthy marriage course: https://smr.fm/gofirst

Marriage retreats and coaching: https://getyourmarriageon.com/

What do you do when intimacy starts to feel like an obligation? How do you rebuild desire when anxiety, stress, or past experiences get in the way? And how can you talk about what you really want without making your spouse feel criticized?

In this special bonus episode, Dan is joined by licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist Dr. Lisa Elieson for a recording of our live Marriage Undressed Q&A!

They answer real questions from married couples about some of the most personal and challenging parts of sexual intimacy:

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Why having sex doesn't always mean feeling connected

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How stress and anxiety can interfere with sexual desire

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What to do when intimacy feels like another item on the to-do list

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Overcoming sexual shame and negative messages from the past

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Navigating differences in sexual preferences and comfort levels

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Rebuilding intimacy after rejection, resentment, or obligation sex

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How to communicate your needs without criticizing your spouse

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Maintaining connection when health challenges change your relationship

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Why your love languages may change over time

Whether you're struggling with desire differences, trying to reconnect, or simply wanting to understand your spouse better, this conversation is full of practical insights to help you build a more connected, playful, and fulfilling marriage.

Want to take your intimacy to the next level?

Join us November 6–7 for our upcoming Virtual Intimacy Getaway, where we'll guide you and your spouse through a new approach to slow, mindful lovemaking.

You can also learn about our upcoming couples retreat in Southern Utah and our marriage coaching programs.

Find all the details at https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat/

Have you ever been intimate with your spouse, but instead of enjoying the moment, you're stuck in your head?

Wondering if they're enjoying it, worrying about your performance, or feeling pressure to make everything go just right?

What if all that effort to make intimacy better is actually making it worse?

In this episode, Dan shares a surprisingly vulnerable story from his own marriage about how his determination to be a great lover backfired—and what finally changed things for him and Emily.

You'll discover why trying harder isn't always the answer, what might be getting in the way of the connection you crave, and how to get back to truly enjoying each other.

Want to take your connection even deeper? Join Dan and Emily for their Virtual Lovemaking Retreat, November 6–7, where you'll learn to slow down and experience intimacy in a whole new way.

https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat/

Has sex started to feel more like a responsibility than something you actually look forward to?

Somewhere along the way, many couples stop playing together. Sex becomes serious, intimacy feels like work, and differences in desire create pressure instead of connection.

In this episode, Dan sits down with returning guest and relationship coach Tammy Camp to talk about building an adult playground in your marriage—a place where both spouses feel free to explore, laugh, and enjoy each other.

You'll discover why play matters in a healthy sexual relationship, how to bring back the fun when you have different desires, and simple ways to make intimacy feel less like an obligation and more like an invitation.

Because great intimacy isn't just about what you do together. It's about how you feel together.

Register for one of our retreat options: Virtual Retreat or In-Person Retreat

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Do Christians really have worse sex lives—or is that just a story we've been told?

After seeing conflicting claims online, Dan went straight to the data. What he found was surprising: churchgoing couples are having slightly more sex than those who rarely attend religious services—but both groups are having significantly less sex than couples did a generation ago.

So what's really going on?

In this episode, Dan separates Christian theology from the cultural messages about sex many of us grew up with. He shares three beliefs from Christian faith that can support a healthy, fulfilling sex life, plus three practical ways to build more intimacy, pleasure, play, and connection in your marriage.

You'll also learn how to recognize beliefs about sex that may have come from culture rather than your faith—and why your faith might actually be one of your greatest advantages in building the sex life you want.

Resources

Virtual Retreat (November 6-7, 2026)

In-person Couples Retreat (April 7-11, 2027)

Our apps

What if your sex life is good—but you still sense there could be something more?

Sex therapist Dr. Emily Jamea kept hearing this question from couples who had overcome their sexual struggles but still longed for the passion and intensity they once felt. Her search for answers led her to study sexual flow—the experience of becoming so immersed in intimacy that distractions disappear and time seems to stand still.

In this episode, Dr. Emily shares five research-backed skills that can help couples move beyond "good enough" and experience deeper connection, greater pleasure, and sex that may be even better than the honeymoon stage.

Want help putting these ideas into practice? Get my free eight-page guide to the five steps of sexual flow here.

or

Register for one of our retreat options: Virtual Retreat or In-Person Retreat Check out Dr. Emily Jamea's book: The Art of Desire

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Has sex in your marriage become a yes-or-no question: "Are we having sex tonight?"

For one spouse, that question may bring hope and anticipation. For the other, it may feel like a test they're about to pass or fail. When every flirtation, touch, or attempt at closeness seems tied to one expected outcome, both spouses may eventually stop reaching for each other.

In this episode, Dan shares how this pass-or-fail dynamic affected his own marriage and introduces a different approach: the "menu mindset." You'll learn three practical ways to create more choice, flexibility, and genuine desire in your intimate relationship—without denying what you want or waiting for your spouse to change first.

You'll learn how to:

• Build a broader menu of physical and emotional connection • Replace "Are we having sex tonight?" with a better question • Respond to disappointment without withdrawing or applying pressure • Make intimacy feel more playful, pleasurable, and freely chosen

Resources

Get the Intimacy Menu in the Intimacy Vault--only available until September 30!

323: Roommate Marriage Episode

321: Why Your Libido Disappeared After the Honeymoon

Next Level Couples Coaching Program

Couples Retreat (April 2027)

Does sex in your marriage ever feel like a race toward intercourse or orgasm? Dr. Lisa Elieson calls this "baseball sex"—rushing around the bases instead of enjoying where you are. In this episode, she joins Dan to explore sexuality as a creative art: something two people build together, moment by moment, without knowing exactly where it has to lead. You'll learn how slowing down, letting go of a predetermined outcome, and making room for each partner's unique desires can reduce pressure and create more pleasure, connection, and play. They also discuss the anxiety both higher- and lower-desire spouses may carry, why emotional safety matters, and what it means to become emotionally as well as physically naked with your spouse.

Want more practical help creating intimacy that works for both of you? The 2026 Intimacy Vault includes our brand new interactive Intimacy Menu, along with Dr. Lisa Elieson's Common Gender Differences in Desire and more than a dozen other resources for deeper emotional and sexual connection. It's only available through September 30, so explore the Vault while you can.

Other Resources:

Learn more about Lisa on her website

Check out our couples retreat coming up this spring!

Check out our intimacy and relationship apps!

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

The more you pursue your spouse for emotional or sexual connection, the more they seem to pull away—and the harder you try, the worse it gets. Certified sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson explains why couples get trapped in this pursue-withdraw cycle and how vulnerable, blame-free conversations can begin to change it. We also discuss why trading emotional connection for sex backfires, what women's bodies actually need for pleasure, and why securely attached couples often have the most—and most varied—sex.

Resources:

Laurie's New Book: Brave Love, Great Sex

Couples Retreat

Next Level Couples Coaching

Our apps

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Why does one spouse keep reaching for more sexually while the other feels responsible for keeping things safe? Dr. Roy Myers, author of Playful Practice, shares what his research with long-term couples revealed about this common dynamic. We explore the relationship between faith and sensuality, why many couples don't actually have a communication problem, and what Roy means when he tells couples to "build a sex room."

Resources

• Learn more about Dr. Roy Myers and his work at https://christiansexuality.net/
• Learn about Roy's book, Playful Practice: Exploring God's Love and Christian Sexuality, on his website
• Join the free Sextember challenge in the Intimately Us app
• Learn more about our Couples Retreat

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

If your marriage feels more like a roommate arrangement than a romantic relationship, the problem may not be that you've grown too far apart. It may be that you've become too merged, too careful, and too afraid to disagree.

In this episode, Dan explains how avoiding differences to keep the peace slowly drains honesty, intimacy, and desire from a marriage. You'll learn how to recognize the pattern keeping you stuck and use three practical steps—spot it, steady yourself, and switch your step—to begin rebuilding a relationship with room for both of you.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Download the free Roommate Mode Guide: https://getyourmarriageon.com/roommate-mode-guide/

Learn more about our Couples Retreat: https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/

Men's Small-Group Coaching: https://getyourmarriageon.com/mens-coaching/

Women's Small-Group Coaching: https://getyourmarriageon.com/womens-small-group-coaching/

Explore more marriage and intimacy resources: https://getyourmarriageon.com/

Welcome to Marriage Undressed—a live Q&A where Dan Purcell and marriage coach Tammy Camp answer real, anonymous questions about sex, intimacy, and marriage.

In this bonus episode, they discuss what to do when one spouse wants more adventure in the bedroom, how to express a desire without creating pressure, and how to handle differences in physical affection without constantly feeling rejected.

They also answer candid questions about oral sex, including whether it's necessary for a fulfilling sex life and what to do when one spouse wants it but the other feels uncomfortable. Finally, they discuss rebuilding play and healthy desire when pornography has affected a marriage.

Throughout the conversation, Dan and Tammy return to one central principle: great intimacy isn't created by pressuring your spouse to become more like you. It grows when both spouses have the freedom to be honest, make real choices, and create a sexual relationship that belongs to both of them.

Want to submit your own anonymous question? Join us for the next live Marriage Undressed event September 23!

Register for the retreat and the men's and women's only groups (starting September 8!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/events/

Why does libido feel effortless during the honeymoon phase—and then seem to disappear?

After experiencing this pattern in her own relationships, Hannah Johnson, known as The Libido Fairy, set out to understand what allows desire to grow in a long-term relationship. In this episode, she shares practical ways couples can make intimacy more pleasurable, collaborative, and genuinely connecting.

You'll learn how to use a 1–10 scale to take the pressure out of initiation, create an intimacy menu, plan sx without making it feel obligatory, and build simple rituals that keep you connected. Hannah also explains some of the most common libido killers—including resentment, exhaustion, nervous-system overload, and intimacy that simply isn't enjoyable—and what to do when your mind wanders during sex.

If desire has faded, it doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with you or your marriage. Desire can be understood, nurtured, and rebuilt.

Resources:

Couples Retreat

Men's and Women's Only Coaching

Next Level Couples Coaching

Our apps

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Is masturbation okay in a Christian marriage? It's a common question, but one many couples are afraid to ask—and few people answer directly.

In this episode, Dan offers two practical tests to help you and your spouse decide what is right for your marriage.

He also explores the difference between masturbation, lust, and fantasy; potential benefits for intimacy and body awareness; and how to navigate the conversation when you and your spouse disagree. This isn't about handing every couple the same answer. It's about replacing fear and shame with wisdom, openness, and honest communication.

When one spouse wants sex more than the other, both partners can end up feeling hurt—the higher-desire spouse feels rejected, while the lower-desire spouse feels pressured or inadequate.

In this episode, sex therapist Dr. Jennifer Litner explains what actually helps couples navigate desire differences. We discuss resentment and emotional repair, duty sex, hormonal and lifestyle factors, the pressure created by sexual scarcity, and why aiming for "good enough sex" can lead to more connection and desire. She also shares a counterintuitive shift for the spouse who is always initiating—and a creative "erotic Pinterest" idea for couples ready to try something new.

Resources:

Couples Retreat

Men's and Women's Only Coaching

Next Level

Our apps

For years, I asked my wife to initiate sex more often because I wanted to feel chosen and desired. Instead, my requests created pressure, scorekeeping, and a cycle that made genuine desire even harder.

In this episode, I explain why I stopped asking, what I misunderstood about responsive desire, and how shifting from initiating sex to initiating connection transformed our intimate relationship.

We'll talk about desire discrepancies, obligation sex, sexual entitlement, emotional connection, and how to express what you want without treating your spouse's body—or desire—as something you're owed.

Resources:

Couples Retreat Waitlist

Men's and Women's Only Coaching

Spark'd App

Intimately Us App

When work, kids, meals, schedules, and the never-ending mental checklist take everything you have, intimacy can start to feel like one more task. Amy Nesbit knows that tension firsthand.

After nearly 20 years as a working professional—including time at Apple—she has learned how making the invisible load visible, asking for help before resentment builds, and protecting the parts of herself that bring her joy have strengthened her marriage.

Amy also shares the unexpectedly spicy habit that gave her and her husband something new to talk about, why support can be one of the sexiest gifts in a marriage, and how she approaches age-appropriate, values-based conversations about sex with her children.

If you're tired, touched out, and carrying too much, this conversation will help you make room for connection without adding more guilt to your plate. Learn more about Amy: Whole Wellness Mama.

Resources

Next Level Couples Coaching Program

Men's Only and Women's Only coaching programs

Our apps: Intimately Us, Just Between Us, and Spark'd

Get on the waitlist for our spring retreat!

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Most couples think they know what's hurting their marriage.

Poor communication. Different sex drives. Parenting disagreements. Financial stress. Growing apart.

That's exactly what one couple thought, too.

After 18 years of marriage, they came to Dan convinced they knew what needed fixing. But as they peeled back the layers, they uncovered a deeper problem—one neither of them had recognized—and that discovery changed everything.

In this episode, Dan shares the surprising reframe that brought new hope to their marriage. Along the way, you'll discover why some conflicts keep repeating, how hidden struggles can quietly shape your relationship, and why God's grace is far more powerful than many of us realize.

If your marriage feels stuck or you're tired of having the same arguments over and over, this episode offers a hopeful perspective that just might change the way you see your relationship—and yourself.

And if you'd like further help, you can check out the resources on our website, including our Next Level Couples Coaching Program, Men's Only and Women's Only coaching programs, and our apps: Intimately Us, Just Between Us, and Spark'd.

Shame thrives in secrecy—but healing doesn't.

In this deeply honest conversation, Dan sits down with Craig Perra, a former attorney whose secret life of pornography, strip clubs, prostitution, and compulsive sexual behavior nearly destroyed everything he cared about.

After years of trying therapy, recovery groups, and identifying himself as a "sex addict," Craig reached a breaking point. What happened next completely changed how he viewed healing.

Together, Dan and Craig explore why destructive behaviors often serve as coping strategies, how shame can keep us trapped, and why true healing begins with self-leadership instead of self-hatred.

They discuss:

• Why all behavior is need-seeking behavior • The hidden role shame plays in compulsive sexual behavior • Why some experts are moving away from the "sex addiction" label • How Parts Work helps people understand—not fight—themselves • The difference between suppressing urges and building real integrity • Practical hope for anyone feeling stuck in cycles of secrecy

Whether you're personally struggling, supporting a spouse, or simply trying to understand how lasting change happens, this episode offers a compassionate and thought-provoking perspective on healing.

And if you'd like futher help creating lasting change, check out how you can work with Dan and his team to reach your goals.

Resources:

Free offer from Craig: Text "Dan sent me" to 877-356-5573 for a free pdf of Craig's 175 page workbook on breaking bad habits and addictions.

You can also find Craig Perra at these other locations:

• Patterns of Power Podcast
• The Mindful Habit System
• Instagram
• YouTube
• Facebook

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

What does the Constitutional Convention have to do with your marriage?

More than you might think.

As we celebrate Independence Day, Dan explores one of the greatest acts of collaboration in history—the creation of the U.S. Constitution—and uncovers surprising lessons for couples navigating differences in intimacy, communication, and connection.

The delegates in Philadelphia didn't create unity by forcing everyone to agree. They built structures that honored competing needs. Your marriage can too.

In this episode you'll learn:

• Why trying to "win" intimate disagreements keeps couples stuck
• How to create conversations where both spouses feel represented
• The difference between compromise and true collaboration
• Practical ideas for building your own "marriage convention"
• Why a more perfect union—not a perfect marriage—is the goal

This Independence Day, celebrate more than freedom. Celebrate building a marriage where both of you can flourish.