Kink Me Slow

What does real power look like? And what happens when a woman stops trying to prove it?

In this episode of Kink Me Slow, my guest is Mistress Tash Mia, a professional dominatrix, educator and somatic coach, whose journey took her from a successful corporate career to building a life around kink, psychology and authentic dominance.

We explore how her understanding of power evolved from masculine-driven authority to a more sensual, intuitive and psychological approach.

We talk about why people seek submission, the emotional and therapeutic potential of BDSM, the importance of trust and negotiation, and why dominance doesn’t always involve pain.

Tash also opens up about her personal life, non-monogamy, her own experiences with surrender, burnout, and the often-overlooked vulnerability of the dominant.

And we touch on something at the heart of Kink Me Slow: shame, and how learning to accept our desires can change the way we see ourselves.

Find Mistress Tash Mia:
Website

https://tash-mia.mykajabi.com/dominant-by-designInstagram 1 Instagram 2

Follow Kink Me Slow on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and Instagram for more conversations exploring the psychology, intimacy and human side of kink.

What does a 24/7 Dominant-submissive relationship actually look like when you have businesses to run, children to raise, and all the ordinary chaos of life?

In the second part of my conversation with Rex and Rebelle, they invite us into their everyday world, where making coffee, brushing hair, or sharing a slow dance can become an act of devotion.

And we ended up having a much bigger conversation about men and women, masculine and feminine roles, power, equality, and the expectations we place on each other.

Rex opens up about his own experience of surrender, why he sometimes needs a break from being the Dominant, and how exploring his vulnerable side has changed him.

We also talk about switching roles, emotional safety, childhood experiences, and whether kink can have a healing effect.

Some of their views might challenge your own beliefs about relationships. And I think that’s what makes this conversation worth having.

Content warning: This episode includes discussions of BDSM, childhood trauma, sexual experiences, and consensual power exchange.

Find Rex & Rebelle:

https://www.rexandrebelle.com

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

• The Queen’s Code by Alison A. Armstrong — https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/products/queenscodebook.html

• Literotica — https://www.literotica.com/
• Secretary (2002)
• Babygirl (2024)

Content warning: This episode includes discussions of sexual assault, severe physical violence, and psychological abuse.

What happens when a Boss Babe who spent her life in control meets a man who knows exactly how to take the lead?

Before becoming the couple they are today, Rex and Rebelle spent years exploring their sexuality, questioning their own desires, and figuring out where dominance and submission fit into their lives.

We talked about their early experiences with kink, the psychology of power exchange, and how easily excitement and trust can blur our sense of danger. Along the way, Rebelle shared a deeply painful experience that she rarely speaks about publicly, bringing a very personal perspective to our conversation about consent, trust, and the difference between kink and abuse.

Enjoy the first part of my interview with Rex and Rebelle.

Find Rex & Rebelle:Website: https://www.RexAndRebelle.com

A man can be confident, successful, masculine, and still want to give someone else control. And somehow, the moment he does, we start looking for an explanation.

Is it about power? Relief from control? Vulnerability? Humiliation? Trust? Or have we simply decided that surrender needs a deeper psychological reason when it comes from a man?

I’ve been reading the research, but I’ve also been exploring this personally from the other side, as the woman they submit to. This episode is about what I found there: the strange relationship between masculinity and control, what surrender can give someone, where shame enters the picture, and why sometimes we should stop trying to explain desire into something more acceptable.

Sometimes he JUST likes it.

References:

1. Alicia M. Walker, Arielle Kuperberg & Audrey Lutmer — “It’s at Odds With How I Live My Life”: Masculinity, Gender, BDSM Roles, and Identity Disclosure (2026)

2. Staci Newmahr — Playing on the Edge: Sadomasochism, Risk, and Intimacy (2011)

3. Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame & Jon Jacobs — Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (1993)

What happens when kink becomes part of your relationships, your work, your art, basically, your life?

In this episode, I’m talking to Flame about the experiences that shaped him: a pretty fucked-up childhood, abusive relationships, power, submission, desire, and growing up thinking that some parts of himself were wrong.

We also talk about porn, not just fucking in front of a camera, but how you actually make it, turn it into a real business, understand what people want to watch, and still create something that turns you on.

And then there is art: Shibari, performance, paint, and a human body literally becoming a paintbrush.

There’s a lot in this conversation, including some very vulnerable stories.

So enjoy it and meet Flame.

Follow us on Instagram

You can find Flame's art here:

girlsofhel.com

flamehel.com

Part Two of my conversation with psychiatrist and researcher Dr. Elise Wuyts gets a little more personal.

We talk about how context can completely change the way our brain experiences the same sensation, why fear can feel good when we choose it, why stress isn’t always the enemy, what humiliation actually plays with psychologically, and what science knows about subspace.

And somewhere along the way, the roles switch a little. Elise starts asking me questions, and I end up sharing some of my own experiences with fear, altered states, submission, dominance, and being a switch.

A conversation about the brain, power, context , and why what we want is rarely as contradictory as it seems.

Enjoy!

And follow us on Instagram

What actually happens in the body during BDSM? Why was it pathologized for so long, and how much of that thinking is still hiding inside modern psychiatry?

In part one of my conversation with psychiatrist and BDSM researcher Dr. Elise Wuyts, we talk about her work in forensic psychiatry, how she went from seeing BDSM as something strange and unfamiliar to studying it scientifically, and what she discovered while collecting biological data during real BDSM scenes.

This is part one of our conversation. Part two is coming next.

Enjoy!

And follow us on Instagram

How can non-consent be consensual?

In this solo episode, I’m getting into CNC, consensual non-consent, and the fascinating psychology of choosing to give up choice.

I look at four very different examples:

— Rape and resistance roleplay
— Kidnapping fantasies
— Sleep play
— Punishment

What happens when “no” is part of the fantasy? Can you consent to surprise? Can you not want something in the moment while still wanting the dynamic you chose?

There are a lot of uncomfortable questions and, of course, my own opinion, especially when it comes to safewords.

And in the end, it’s all about playing with choice itself.

Follow me on IG ⁠https://www.instagram.com/kinkmeslow⁠

References:

1. Ofer Parchev - “Between Normalization and Transgression: The Complexity of Consensual Non-consent in BDSM”

2. Angelika Tsaros - “Consensual non-consent: Comparing EL James’s Fifty Shades of Grey and Pauline Réage’s Story of O”

3. Debby Herbenick et al. — “Prevalence and Correlates of Sexual Choking and Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) Among College Students: Findings from a Campus-Representative Survey”

I’m doing something a little different this week. Just me, my thoughts, and a little bit of nerdy science.

For this solo episode, I wanted to talk about pain — and why it’s so often the first thing people think of when they hear BDSM.

Is BDSM actually about pain? Why can something that looks painful from the outside feel completely different to the person experiencing it? And what happens when you add choice, trust, power, pleasure and context to the equation?

I went through a few fascinating studies, added my own thoughts, and ended up with a much more interesting question:

When we say pain, are we actually talking about the same experience?

All the research I mention in the episode is linked below.

Make yourself comfortable, press play, and enjoy listening.

Follow me on IG https://www.instagram.com/kinkmeslow

References:

• Beyond Pain— Elise Wuyts et al.
• Between Pleasure and Pain— Elise Wuyts et al.
• Is Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadomasochism Recreational Leisure? — D. J. Williams et al.

I’ve been following Master Joshua for quite a while, and one of the reasons I wanted to talk to him is because he never gave me this mysterious Dominant vibe. Quite the opposite. He talks. He shows himself. And Joshua really doesn’t hide shit.

He’s been a professional Dominant for more than 15 years, but this conversation goes way beyond BDSM. We talk about masculinity, neurodivergence, shame, power, sex, and what being a Dominant actually means when you take all the leather and titles away.

Joshua gets very open about his own mistakes, some really dark periods of his life, and the fact that he spent years teaching other people to communicate their needs while being terrified to communicate his own. We also get into his work with men, the book he’s writing, religion, sex work, submission, and why a man who spends so much of his life leading sometimes just wants someone else to take over.

There is A LOT in this conversation. So enjoy it!

You can find Master Joshua here:

Kinkcollective.net

MasterJoshua.com

Fotlm.com

https://www.instagram.com/masterjoshuanyc

If you have an interesting story to tell on kink and BDSM, contact me at kinkmeslow@gmail.com or sign up for our IG - https://www.instagram.com/kinkmeslow

For almost 13 years, Kathy Kay has been asking strangers the questions most people would never dare to ask.

She's the voice behind the Strictly Anonymous podcast and the author of Strictly Anonymous Confessions. For years, people have been calling her to share their secrets, fantasies, affairs, fetishes, and the parts of themselves they don't normally say out loud.

This time, I got to turn the microphone around.

I wanted to know who Kathy is when she's not the one asking the questions, and what listening to all those stories has actually done to her.

And we went there.

We talk about the life she deliberately refused to live by the book, sex, love, relationships, BDSM, fantasies, and the things she discovered she wanted only after hearing other people talk about them. Kathy is incredibly open about her own experiences, how the show has changed her sexually, what still turns her on, what she would love to explore, and whether, after all these years of telling everyone else's stories, there is anything about herself she is still hiding.

For once, Kathy isn't asking the questions.

She's answering them.

You can find Kathy online:

Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/1c9RZkHYjxdfhBJ2AOQZxC

IG https://www.instagram.com/strictanonymous/

X https://twitter.com/strictanonymous?lang=en

Website http://www.strictlyanonymouspodcast.com

If you have an interesting story to tell on kink and BDSM, contact me at kinkmeslow@gmail.com or sign up for our IG - https://www.instagram.com/kinkmeslow

I have a confession to make.

I love nerdy conversations.

Where you forget you're recording a podcast because you're too busy trying to understand why people are the way they are.

That's exactly what happened with Elizabeth. She's a psychotherapist and a sexologist, and together we dive into the psychology behind BDSM, fantasies, shame,, jealousy, trauma, and We talk about where our desires come from, why so many myths refuse to die, and why understanding yourself is often much more complicated, and much more interesting, than simply asking what's "normal."

We are not figuring out who's right or wrong. It's about staying curious, challenging what we think we know, and maybe leaving with a completely different way of looking at human sexuality.

So If you enjoy conversations that leave you with more questions than answers, you'll definitely enjoy this one as much as I did.

If you have an interesting story to tell on kink and BDSM, contact me at kinkmeslow@gmail.com or sign up for our IG - https://www.instagram.com/kinkmeslow

Bruce has been curious for as long as he can remember.

Long before he built some of Australia's biggest BDSM venues, hosted kink parties, or introduced hundreds of people to the community, he was just a curious little boy secretly reading the erotic magazines he sold at a railway station.

What I loved most about this conversation is that it isn't really about BDSM. It's about curiosity. About following the things that make you feel alive instead of the things that make you fit in.

We talk about Bruce's childhood, growing up as a late bloomer, discovering sexuality, building safe spaces for people to explore themselves, and why someone's very first BDSM experience can shape everything that comes after. We also dive into pleasure, consent, power dynamics, and the simple question Bruce always asks during a scene:

«Do you want more?»

Sometimes the best conversations about kink aren't really about kink at all. They're about people.

Enjoy listening to new episode!

You can find Bruce in IG:

https://www.instagram.com/erotic_dominance

If you have an interesting story to tell on kink and BDSM, contact me at kinkmeslow@gmail.com or sign up for our IG - https://www.instagram.com/kinkmeslow

Gula says that the body was her first language.

And after this conversation, I understand exactly what she means.

She moves through life like an artist, through sensation, tension, instinct, energy, and everything that exists before words. We talk about the little girl who wanted to be seen, the performer who found different versions of herself onstage, and the woman who discovered that the body often knows the truth long before the mind is ready to accept it.

We speak about power, pleasure, shame, queerness, dominance, kink, BDSM, and the strange edge where fear, curiosity, and desire meet. Gula shares all of it with a rare kind of openness, soft, intense, vulnerable, and completely her own.

This episode is not only a story about becoming an artist, a performer, or a dominant woman. It is about learning how to listen when your body speaks.

You can find Gula in IG:

https://www.instagram.com/gulamalacca

https://www.instagram.com/takeyourdesireseriously

Her e-mail is: hi.gulamalacca@gmail.com

If you have an interesting story to tell on kink and BDSM, contact me at kinkmeslow@gmail.com or sign up for our IG - https://www.instagram.com/kinkmeslow

Today's guest is someone whose work has deeply influenced the way I think about kink, BDSM, and human connection. Few years ago, I came across one of Paul's articles, and it stayed with me ever since. So having this conversation felt very special.

We talk about growing up with trauma, how our childhood quietly shapes the way we love, and why BDSM can become either a place to hide, or a place to heal. We dive into dominance versus control, leading versus forcing, power dynamics, emotional safety, energy, intimacy, and the difference between simply doing BDSM and truly understanding what happens underneath it.

We also talk about Paul's own journey, from discovering kink after his divorce to creating one of Europe's most beautiful BDSM spaces, leading retreats for couples, and helping people build deeper, more conscious relationships.

This isn't really a conversation about BDSM. It's a conversation about trust, vulnerability, healing, and what it actually means to lead, with presence instead of control.

UPD: book of Gabor Mate which Paul is talking about is The Myth of Normal

You can find Paul in IG - https://www.instagram.com/spnkd.antwerp

https://www.instagram.com/spnkd.berlin

https://www.instagram.com/the.pleasure.field

And through the website of SPNKD - https://spnkd.com

If you have an interesting story to tell on kink, BDSM, contact me at kinkmeslow@gmail.com or sign up for our IG - https://www.instagram.com/kinkmeslow

In this episode, I talk to Queenderella - sex, intimacy and relationship educator, event and retreat organizer, and someone who has dedicated her life to creating spaces where people can explore themselves with curiosity instead of shame.

This conversation is ridiculously funny, honest, and full of unexpected stories. We talk about growing up in Indonesia, how childhood shaped the way she sees love and relationships, why she doesn't believe monogamy is the only answer, what it really means to build an open relationship, and how even someone who rarely gets jealous can still be caught completely off guard.

We also dive into first sexual experiences, discovering submission, the myths we grow up believing about sex, porn, BDSM, fantasies, and the path that eventually led Queenderella to become one of Indonesia's most recognizable voices in sex education.

There are plenty of laughs, a few very spicy stories, and, as always, a lot of honest conversations about the things people usually keep to themselves.

If you have an interesting story to tell on kink, BDSM, contact me at kinkmeslow@gmail.com or sign up for our IG https://www.instagram.com/kinkmeslow

This conversation is with a couple whose relationship completely changed the way they think about communication, intimacy, and even love.

We talk about what happened when kink stopped being just something exciting to explore and became a way of understanding each other better. How learning to ask for what they wanted, hearing "no" without taking it personally, and talking openly about desires, fears, jealousy, and boundaries slowly transformed not only their play, but their relationship outside of it too.

We also dive into shame, first kink parties, discovering desires later in life, building trust, and why they believe BDSM isn't about pain or power at all—it's about honesty. More than anything, this is a conversation about creating something together instead of trying to fit into someone else's idea of what a relationship should look like.

If you have an interesting story to tell on kink, BDSM, contact me at kinkmeslow@gmail.com or sign up for our IG https://www.instagram.com/kinkmeslow

In this episode, Masha and I talk about growing up in Russia, being a "good girl," first crushes, first sex, fantasies, masturbation, validation, pleasure, love, and all the weird thoughts nobody warns you about when you're trying to figure yourself out.

This conversation goes from porn cartoons hidden in parents' wardrobes to choking, power dynamics, orgasms, heartbreak, relationships, and the question many of us carry for years: am I enough?

Funny, honest, vulnerable, and occasionally ridiculous, just like real life.

You can find Masha in IG - https://www.instagram.com/mashenity

If you have an interesting story to tell on kink, BDSM, contact me at kinkmeslow@gmail.com or sign up for our IG - https://www.instagram.com/kinkmeslow

In this episode, I sit down with Kris to talk about her journey from a conventional life as an architect to becoming a professional dominatrix, shibari practitioner, educator, and one of the most authentic people I know.

We talk about discovering kink later in life, the mistakes she made in the beginning, why education and consent matter so much, and how shame, guilt, and fear of judgment can keep us disconnected from ourselves. Kris shares how she navigated her own doubts, learned to communicate more honestly, and gradually accepted desires she once thought were wrong.

This conversation isn’t just about BDSM. It’s about curiosity, courage, self-discovery, and what can happen when you stop living according to other people’s expectations and start building a life that actually feels like your own.

If you would like to get to know Kris better - visit her website krisatskvereli.com or sign up to her juicy IG account @ropes.and.curves

If you have an interesting story to tell on kink, BDSM, contact me at kinkmeslow@gmail.com or sign up for our IG @kinkmeslow

Why do we judge things before we understand them?

In this opening episode, I talk about the curiosity that led me to create this podcast and why conversations about sex, kink, BDSM, desire, shame, and relationships are often much harder than they should be.

If you’ve ever questioned your desires, felt uncomfortable talking about them, or simply wondered why certain topics still provoke so much fear and judgment, this episode is a good place to begin.

Welcome to Kink Me Slow!