Men’s Sexual Mastery

Pills, numbing sprays and thinking about baseball don't teach your body anything. In this episode Ian and I get practical about how to actually last longer in the bedroom, and why lasting longer is really a nervous system skill you can train.

We share the simple things to do before sex that make a real difference, how to build arousal like a staircase instead of sprinting to the edge, and what to do when your partner is close and every part of you wants to push through. We also get into how your eyes, your breath and the story running in your head can either carry you over the edge or bring you back into your body. If you caught Episode 53 on the staircase method, this one builds right on it.

In this episode:

- Why lasting longer is nervous system mastery

- Quick pre-sex tips: empty your bladder, move your body, a few air squats

- The staircase method and where to set your arousal ceiling

- Slowing down even when she's close to orgasm

- Breathing and softening the places you hold tension

- Opening your eyes and using a soft gaze to move energy

- Catching the "this is so hot" mental loop with "ah, so"

- Using solo practice to build real proof against performance anxiety

How you show up in the bedroom is how you show up in life, and this work carries into every corner of it.

Read the full write-up on the blog: https://www.menssexualmastery.com/post/how-to-last-longer-and-prolong-lovemaking

Ready to do this work with a brotherhood around you? Apply for our 12-week training: https://app.menssexualmastery.com/apply

What if the part of you that finishes too fast, struggles to stay hard or keeps reaching for porn isn't your enemy? In this episode I sit down with my brother Braxton Dudley, a licensed therapist and meditation coach based in Longmont, Colorado, to talk about navigating disempowering patterns in sex, in the bedroom and in life.

Braxton brings his training in Internal Family Systems (parts work) and years of contemplative practice to show why fighting these patterns keeps us stuck, and why getting curious about what's happening in the body is where real change begins. We also go deep on what can happen when sexual energy practices open up more than we're ready to hold, what Braxton calls spiritual emergency, and we both get honest about having been there ourselves.

Braxton closes with a simple breath practice you can use any time you feel tension or resistance in your body.

In this episode:

- Where to start with PE, ED, porn compulsion and other patterns

- Parts work, and why the places in us that struggle the most need the most kindness

- "Who's driving the bus?" and creating space before you react

- Why sexual energy amplifies everything, and how to stay within your capacity

- Spiritual emergency: grounding, the safety basics and when to get help

- A guided breath practice for softening tension

Connect with Braxton:

Therapy for individuals and couples in Colorado: https://spaciousheartcounseling.com

Email: braxton@spaciousheartcounseling.com

Braxton also offers contemplative coaching and teaches meditation online and in Longmont. Reach out through his website.

Ready to do this work with a brotherhood around you? Apply for our 12-week training: https://app.menssexualmastery.com/apply

Freddie Woodward competed for Great Britain as an Olympic diver, and for years he couldn't stop watching porn. Discipline didn't fix it. Shame didn't fix it. Even a documentary that made him furious at the porn industry only bought him six weeks.

In this episode Ben sits down with Freddie, now a men's coach, to talk about what actually worked: not white-knuckling it, but becoming the version of yourself that doesn't need porn anymore. Freddie also opens up about telling his partner (now his wife), how his relationship and sex life transformed, and why he's more proud of quitting porn than of making it to the Olympics.

In this episode:

• Why willpower and shame keep you stuck, and the "two dictionaries" analogy for letting go of the struggle

• How identity drives behavior, and why you aren't broken or different

• Breaking the belief that you "need" a release every night

• Sexual energy as rocket fuel: how it binds and amplifies whatever is already inside you

• Building a new system that outperforms porn instead of fighting the old one

• Telling your partner: confiding vs. dumping, and when to get outside support first

• How quitting porn changed the way Freddie sees women and his partner's beauty

• Why porn has nothing to do with your sex drive

Connect with Freddie at:

https://www.instagram.com/freddie_woodward/?hl=en

https://www.instagram.com/freddiewoodward.menscoach/?hl=en

Ready to go deeper?

Men's Sexual Mastery is a holistic sexual education training for men who want to break free from porn, master their sexual energy and build deeper intimacy.

Apply to join the training: https://app.menssexualmastery.com/application

Learn more: https://www.menssexualmastery.com

If this episode helped you, follow the show, leave a rating and send it to a brother who needs to hear it.

Most men know the feeling of lying next to their partner five minutes after sex with most of their desire gone. It’s normal, but when nearly every surge of sexual energy ends in ejaculation, it slowly drains the polarity in a relationship. Swinging the other way and suppressing your sex drive does just as much damage, because your partner feels you holding back.

In this episode Ben and Hawks pick up where our last conversation on polarity left off and get into sexual transmutation, the middle path of feeling your sexual energy fully and then choosing where it goes. We start with the simplest practices and work toward the deeper ones.

In this episode:
• What sexual transmutation is, and why we talk about semen intention instead of semen retention
• A thought experiment that shows how ejaculation affects attraction to your partner
• Why suppressing your sex drive hurts polarity just as much as draining it
• How to notice sexual energy as it rises and redirect it into your work, your body or your creative life
• What blue balls actually is, and how to relieve it without ejaculating
• Why your breath and the reverse Kegel matter more than most men realize
• How we fit hundreds of practices into a simple daily routine for men with jobs and families

For more on breathing and the microcosmic orbit, check out episodes 41 and 63.

Seats for our next 12-week training open in November. Apply here: https://www.menssexualmastery.com/apply
Join the free community: https://www.skool.com/menssexualmastery

Sexual polarity is the charge between two partners that makes them want each other, and its a skill that takes practice. Without conscious awareness and maintenance, sexual attraction slowly leaks out of a relationship through the comfortable habits that build up when two people share a home, kids and a to-do list.

In this episode, Ben and Hawks lay out the four phases of polarity (honeymoon, comfort, role reversal and the dead zone) and the magnet analogy behind them. They cover leadership through ownership, how to plan a date so she doesn't have to think, claiming desire with equanimity using the "no, not yet, what I'd need first" agreement, taking mini vacations from your partner, and building your energy through semen intention.

Find us on Instagram @mens.sexual.mastery and apply for the next cohort at http://www.menssexualmastery.com/apply

#polarity #intimacy #sexualleadership #menswork #marriedmen

If the intimacy in your marriage or long-term relationship has faded, you've probably been told that's just what happens. Kids, schedules, years together, and the sex life quietly dies. It's one of the most damaging lies men have been handed, and it only survives because nobody taught us how to cultivate intimacy over time.

Think of your intimacy as a garden. Your presence is the sun, and without it nothing else works. Intentional time together with zero pressure on her is the water. The small, unrepaired breaks in trust are the weeds, and left alone long enough they'll convince you the problem is her libido when it's really a garden nobody's tended.

One of the most powerful things you can do for polarity costs nothing. Stop talking, slow your breath, and hold her gaze like you're already inside her. It works because it's the exact opposite of the pattern that kills most long-term relationships, where the man stops leading, she starts mothering him, and every conversation turns into logistics.

You're not stuck with a dying sex life. You're an untrained gardener, and the man who learns to tend this gets a relationship that grows more alive the longer it lasts.

Ready to dive deeper?

Join the brotherhood at menssexualmastery.com/apply.

#mensexualmastery #sexualmastery #sexualhealth #menshealthpodcast #intimacy #polarity #masculinity #sexualleadership #marriedmen #menswork #masculinedevelopment #sexualconfidence #sexualenergy #breathwork #personaldevelopment

Erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and compulsive porn use aren't random malfunctions. They're what happens when a man's nervous system is holding shame it's never had anywhere else to go, and it shows up as constriction, reduced blood flow, and a pelvic floor that stays clenched instead of open.

In this episode we break down the actual physiological link between unprocessed shame and sexual performance, and why almost every man trying to fix this alone is missing the piece that would move it fastest.

We just got back from running a workshop at Unison Fest with Mark Cunningham, a sex therapist based in Fort Collins, where we put men into small groups and asked the questions most guys never get asked outside of a therapist's office.

What we watched happen in ninety minutes is the entire argument for why brotherhood isn't optional if you're serious about sexual mastery.

We also get into why your partner can't be your only accountability partner without it eroding the polarity in your relationship, what "iron sharpens iron" actually looks like in practice, and the research on testosterone and time spent with other men that backs up what most guys already feel but can't explain.

If you've been trying to white-knuckle your way out of a compulsive pattern by yourself, this episode names exactly why that approach keeps failing and what actually works instead.

Ready to join the brotherhood?

Join us at www.menssexualmastery.com

#erectiledysfunction #sexualhealth #menshealthpodcast #sexualmastery #mensexualmastery #performanceanxiety #pornaddiction #prematureejaculation #nervoussystemregulation #polarity #masculinity #sexualleadership #menswork #intimacy #masculinedevelopment

Most men trying to build sexual energy through semen retention or nervous system regulation hit a wall they can't explain. They're doing the practice and still feel drained. The missing piece is almost never the practice itself. It's the energetic leaks running underneath it, quietly canceling out every ounce of progress.

In this episode we break down nine specific leaks across three categories: the physical ones tied directly to jing and sexual energy, the relational patterns that drain you through other people, and the subtle habits like fidgeting and over talking that most men never connect to their energy at all.

We also lay out the age-based framework for harmonious ejaculation cadence, why sexual energy acts as an accelerant that amplifies whatever's already happening in your nervous system, and why patching a leak often brings buried shame or anxiety to the surface instead of just handing you more energy for free.

This is foundational work. It's why we teach it in the first module of our training, and it's worth revisiting no matter how long you've been at this.

Want to go deeper? Join our free community at skool.com/menssexualmastery, access resources, discussion threads, and connect with brothers doing this work.

#sexualmastery #mensexualmastery #menshealthpodcast #pornaddiction #nofap #breathwork #nervoussystemregulation #sexualenergy #semenretention #sexualconfidence #masculinedevelopment #menswork #personaldevelopment #polarity #dopaminedetox

Most men treat commitment like it's the end of their sex life. This episode makes the opposite case: real sexual mastery, real intimacy, and the deepest fulfillment a man can access are only available on the other side of fully choosing one partner.

We break down why keeping your options open isn't freedom, it's stalling, and why the men who go all in with one partner access a kind of erotic novelty that no amount of variety can touch.

In this conversation, Ben and Ian cover the difference between horizontal novelty - chasing new partners, and vertical novelty - going deeper with one, and why that vertical plane is functionally infinite once you build the skill for it.

We also get into the Lover's Ritual, our own practice for keeping long-term intimacy from going flat, the fire-tending that has to happen outside the bedroom for any of this to work, and a story from a recent Sacred Sons gathering about a man who says his partner has been the best men's work organization he's ever been part of.

If you're a man who's been told commitment means less, less sex, less excitement, less freedom, this episode is the reframe you may have been looking for without realizing it.

Ready to go all in?

Join us at https://www.menssexualmastery.com/apply

#intimacy #masculinity #menswork #masculinedevelopment #polarity #sexualleadership #marriedmen #personaldevelopment #sexualmastery #mensexualmastery #sexualenergy #sexualconfidence #highperformancemen #menshealthpodcast #sexualhealth

Today we are joined by Jeff Sorenson.

Jeff is the founder of breathARMY and the lightFORCE Collective – Leadership, Breathwork and Cold Exposure Facilitator Training Academy. His mission is to educate, inspire and empower people to live to their true potential. Jeff uses a variety of different tools including breathwork, movement, meditation, cold, heat and psychedelics to help people break through the structures that hold us back from living and expressing our true potential in the world.

Jeff has walked through some of the darkest shadows of trauma, addiction and mental illness to emerge with profound wisdom and light which he humbly carries to activate the light and potential in others. He has a unique ability to weave a deep understanding of scientific principles with timeless philosophical and spiritual wisdom in an easy to understand, light, yet incredibly powerful and enjoyable way.

Ian spent a year training under Jeff, and in this episode the two of them tie that work directly to sex. Finishing before you want to and reaching for porn are the same event in the body, which is activation climbing past what your nervous system can hold. Jeff explains how ice baths and big breathing practices train you to meet and navigate that activation in predictable conditions, why he treats the cold as a place to feel more instead of something to fight through, and why embodied awareness starts with your five senses and your surroundings before it ever goes inward. Jeff also speaks to his three years of celibacy, why he chose it, what it did for his discernment with women, and why he still believes occasional release is a good thing.

Connect with Jeff Sorenson here:

https://breatharmy.com/

@breatharmy on IG

Join a free breathwork practice from Jeff or one of his accredited facilitators every Sunday morning at 9 am PST!

https://breatharmy.com/breathtemple/

Interested in joining the Men's Sexual Mastery brotherhood? Join our free community at skool.com/menssexualmastery — access resources, discussion threads, and connect with brothers doing this work.

Or apply for our next Group Training here: https://app.menssexualmastery.com/apply

#sexualhealth #menshealthpodcast #sexualmastery #mensexualmastery #performanceanxiety #pornaddiction #breathwork #nervoussystemregulation #dopaminedetox #sexualconfidence #masculinedevelopment #personaldevelopment #menswork

Ready to expand your knowledge of your female partners rhythms, cycles, and fertility?

In this episode, Emily from Moujamoon gives us a comprehensive overview on everything you need to know for conscious contraception, cycle tracking, and taking your understanding of female fertility, hormones, and arousal to the next level.

Emily is a passionate guide empowering women and the people who care about them through cycle literacy.

A former school teacher and yoga instructor, now turned experienced Fertility Awareness Educator, Emily teaches highly effective natural contraception through biomarker tracking and sensual practices, so women can have a deeper relationship with their body, and their partners can better support pleasure and relational ease.

You'll learn the same information Emily teaches women in her fertility awareness method program, adapted so the men in their lives can actually participate instead of standing outside the conversation.

We also get into what changes about foreplay and desire across the follicular and luteal phases, why the woman who was ready in five minutes two weeks ago might need forty-five minutes of engagement today, and how to show up differently depending on where she is hormonally.

This is one of the most practical, most requested conversations we've had on the show.

Connect with Emily:

https://www.moujamoon.com/

https://www.instagram.com/moujamoon/

Interested in joining the Men's Sexual Mastery Training?

Join our free community at skool.com/menssexualmastery — access resources, discussion threads, and connect with brothers doing this work.

#mensexualmastery #sexualmastery #menshealthpodcast #intimacy #polarity #sexualleadership #masculinedevelopment #menswork #marriedmen #sexualenergy #personaldevelopment #sexualconfidence #nervoussystemregulation #masculinity #semenretention

Most men think their issue is porn use, performance anxiety, or a sex life that's gone flat with their wife. Underneath nearly every one of those, there's an unprocessed sexual shadow, the parts of your erotic self you learned early on were unacceptable to want or even admit to yourself.

In this episode, Ben and Hawks break down how many men unconsciously repress their sexual desires from a young age and how that can impact our relationship to sexuality. They dive deeper in exploring the difference between guilt and shame, why shame is the mechanism that keeps compulsive patterns running in a loop, and how self-love means owning a desire without needing to act on it.

They also get specific about bringing shadow work into a relationship: the difference between disclosure and dumping, why the honeymoon phase actually dies in most marriages, and how withheld desire quietly kills intimacy long before either partner can name why.

Want to go deeper? Join our free community at skool.com/menssexualmastery.

Access resources, discussion threads, and connect with brothers doing this work.

#sexualmastery #mensexualmastery #menshealthpodcast #pornaddiction #performanceanxiety #lowlibido #polarity #masculinity #sexualconfidence #sexualleadership #intimacy #marriedmen #menswork #masculinedevelopment #sexualenergy

For most men, ejaculation isn't a decision. It's an involuntary muscle spasm that runs on autopilot, no different than a sneeze. This episode breaks down the Big Draw, a Taoist practice that's one of the most direct tools for building real ejaculatory control, moving sexual energy up the spine instead of letting it spill out through release, and opening the door to non-ejaculatory orgasm.

We walk through exactly how it works, the muscular contractions, the breath sequence, the eye and chin positioning, and where in your arousal curve to actually bring it in. We also cover the part most guides skip: what can go wrong, why this practice amplifies whatever emotional state you're already carrying, and how to keep the energy moving instead of getting stuck in your head.

This isn't theory. It's a mechanism you can feel working the first time you try it, in solo cultivation or with a partner, and it's one of the clearest entry points into semen retention work for a man who's never touched anything like this before.

Want to go deeper?

Join the brotherhood at www.menssexualmastery.com/apply

#semenretention #nofap #breathwork #nervoussystemregulation #sexualenergy #sexualmastery #mensexualmastery #sexualconfidence #polarity #masculinedevelopment #menswork #intimacy #prematureejaculation #dopaminedetox #sexualleadership

Chasing a non-ejaculatory orgasm is the fastest way to guarantee you never reach one. In this episode we break down the six-stage framework, contain, direct, regulate, strengthen, attune, amplify, and why craving the outcome keeps a man locked in his head instead of his body.

We get into nervous system regulation, a specific breathwork practice for building and releasing arousal, and why love and open-heartedness turn out to be the actual mechanism, not a side note.

Ready to level up your sexuality?

Join us at www.menssexualmastery.com/apply

#sexualmastery #semenretention #breathwork #sexualenergy #nervoussystemregulation

Most men have never learned how to claim a desire and let go of whether it gets fulfilled.

The pattern that keeps most men stuck is either suppressing what they want until resentment builds, or chasing it with so much need attached that it pushes their partner away. Sound familiar? You're in the right place!

Ben and Hawks walk through the full process this episode, including exactly how to receive a no without collapsing or exploding, and why the container you set with your partner before any of this matters as much as the practice itself.

Interested in diving deper?

Join us at www.menssexualmastery.com/apply#sexualmastery

#menswork #polarity #intimacy #nervoussystemregulation

Big dick energy gets you attention. Big divine energy is what happens after you stop needing it. This episode breaks down the real difference between an energy that takes and an energy that overflows, and why one of them is quietly draining you no matter how good you are at faking the other.

We get into the physical tells most men never connect to shame: shaky eye contact, fidgeting, shallow breath, the inability to sit in silence without filling it. None of these are personality quirks. They're leaks, and every one of them traces back to something a man hasn't fully made peace with, usually something sexual he's never said out loud.

We also talk about why containment and semen intention practice aren't about rigid rules but about finding the cadence that actually fills you up instead of draining you, and how that overflow shows up in your relationship, your business, and the way people respond to you walking into a room.

Want to go deeper?

Join the brotherhood at:www.menssexualmastery.com/apply

#erectiledysfunction #sexualhealth #menshealthpodcast #sexualmastery #mensexualmastery #performanceanxiety #pornaddiction #sexualconfidence #polarity #masculinity #sexualleadership #semenretention #masculinedevelopment #menswork #intimacy

The ability to read a woman's body is a skill that takes training. None of us were taught this, but it's essential to maintaining intimacy in long-term relationships.

Many men can get caught into the unconscious pattern of applying the male experience of sexuality onto their female partners. Over time, this lack of attunement can gradually erode sexual attraction.

In this episode, Ben and Hawks cover the four-signal traffic light system that tells you when to keep going, when to slow down, when to change what you're doing entirely, and how to interpret her subtle signals. They also get into the dual control model of accelerators and brakes and why removing what's suppressing her desire is often more powerful than adding stimulation.

Interested in mastering your sexuality?

APPLY FOR THE TRAINING: www.menssexualmastery.com/apply

#sexualmastery #menswork #intimacy #masculinity #marriedmen

If you've been struggling with erection quality and nothing you've tried has held, this episode reframes it all.

Erectile challenges aren't a malfunction. They're your body's early warning system pointing to something physical, mental, or emotional that's asking for your attention.

Ben and Ian explore the clinical link between erectile dysfunction as an earlier indicator for cardiovascular disease, how porn programs the mind-body connection, and how relational fears and unresolved tension inside ourselves and/or our partnership can be expressing as ED.

This is one of the most common private struggles men carry. It's also one of the most workable, when you follow the signal instead of fighting it.

Interested in diving deeper?

APPLY FOR THE TRAINING: www.menssexualmastery.com/apply

#erectiledysfunction #performanceanxiety #sexualhealth #menswork #masculinedevelopment

Let's get real: getting rejected in the bedroom can be one of the deepest triggers for many men. But the reality is - it can be a gift when we learn how to handle it.

When she says no, she's giving you the most honest signal she has, and your ability to receive it cleanly is one of the most important skills you can develop in a long-term partnership.

This episode is about what's actually happening in her body when she says no, what's happening in yours when you receive it, and why the right response changes everything.

We go into the two most common reactive patterns men fall into after a partner rejects a sexual advance, why both of them erode intimacy over time, and what the alternative actually looks like in practice. We also get into what it means when the no's have been happening for a long time, and what the path back to connection looks like from there.

The work here isn't about getting her to say yes more. It's about becoming the kind of man she wants to say yes to, and discovering that those are not the same thing as pushing harder.

There's a version of you that can receive her no with warmth and steadiness, that doesn't need her validation to know where he stands, and that stays connected even when the door is closed. That man builds more trust, more desire, and more real intimacy than any version of you that pressures, withdraws, or guilt-trips.

Interested in diving deeper?

APPLY FOR THE TRAINING: www.menssexualmastery.com/apply

#mensexualmastery #menshealthpodcast #sexualhealth #intimacy #masculinity #menswork #marriedmen #sexualleadership #masculinedevelopment #relationshipadvice #nervoussystemregulation #personaldev #semenretention #polarity #sexualenergy

At MSM, we believe that every sexual challenge a man faces contains a gift.

Premature Ejaculation is no exception.

In this episode, Ben and Hawks dive into the gift of being a highly sexually sensitive man - and how (with proper training) our capacity to contain and direct this sensitivity can become one of our greatest superpowers in the bedroom and in the world.

Interested in diving deeper?

APPLY FOR THE TRAINING: www.menssexualmastery.com/apply

#prematureejaculation #sexualmastery #nervoussystemregulation #menshealthpodcast #intimacy