Shameproof Your Desires

Do you feel bad mom guilt every time a kinky fantasy pops into your head? You’re not alone. So many moms have a “drawer” where they stuffed their desires the day they became a mother, with a label that says “Not right now, you’re a mom.” In this episode of Shameproof Your Desires, Auntie Carmen, the Desire Midwife and certified sex and relationship coach, opens that drawer.

Carmen talks about the unwritten good mom rules: be available, be patient, be nurturing and never want too much. She explains how those rules quietly put your sexuality on hold. You’ll learn about the Madonna/Whore complex, the old idea that a woman can be pure or sexual but never both. You’ll also hear why shame gets even louder when your desires are kinky. Wanting to be dominated, tied up or in charge after a long day of caretaking doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a whole woman.

Carmen shares her own story of reclaiming her sexuality after motherhood. She describes the moment her libido came roaring back and the guilt that came with it. She also talks about the good girl conditioning that kept her waiting for a permission slip that was never coming.

This episode also looks at how mom guilt affects your relationship. When you see yourself as “just Mom,” your partner often does too. Carmen invites you to imagine what could change if you were the one to reclaim your desire first. Single or partnered, your desire belongs to you.

If you’re a kink-curious mom wondering whether it’s normal to have kinky fantasies, this episode is for you.

Learn more about the Shameproof Your Desires course here: https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-course

What does your life look like once you’re impossible to shame? For Auntie Carmen it looks like a balcony over a lake in Italy at 5:30 in the morning. In part 3 of my travel series, she shares how she now plans trips around pleasure instead of the must-see list. And she shares how her D/s rituals keep her passion alive at home after 10 years together.

If you’re kink-curious, already kinky or just want to feel close and turned on with your partner again, this episode is for you. She talks about:

• Romantic travel for couples and why her #1 checklist item is a gorgeous view with enough privacy to get it on
• How knowing what turns you on lets you plan adventurous sex, date nights and trips around your desires
• A little bit of naughty risk: a balcony at sunrise, a rented boat, a roadside stop in the French countryside and church bells through an open window
• Why a "hell yes" partner shows up when you stop toning down your sexuality

• The daily dominant and submissive rituals that keeps her power exchange marriage so juicy
• How sexual shame and kink shame keep you from even knowing what you want

Desires are not the problem. Shame is.

Want to make this possible for yourself?

Shameproof Your Desires walks you there in four weeks: https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-course

Ladies- join Camp Claim It on Skool

https://www.skool.com/campclaimit/about

For couples looking to reconnect and turn up the heat

https://www.skool.com/ritual-reverence-5086/about

When I got divorced, I just wanted intimacy. I had no idea I was a woman with kinks. In this episode I share how the very first person I slept with after my divorce made me curious about power. It took me from “no man will ever control me” to loving sexual submission in a consensual D/s relationship with my husband.

If you’re kink-curious and stuck asking “why do I like this?” or “is this just trauma?” this one is for you. We talk about:

• How to discover your kinks when you don’t even know where to start
• Why things you used to hate can become a turn-on once you have full consent and a real choice
• The “I want to be taken” fantasy so many women have and how to explore it safely with consent and trust
• Why kink shame and sexual shame shut down your curiosity and why shameproofing comes first
•

You can’t get curious and judge yourself at the same time.

Ready to become impossible to shame? Shameproof Your Desires: Become Impossible to Shame, Claim Your Kinks and Have the Kind of Sex You’ve Been Craving is my four-week course. You get short mini lessons five days a week. https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-course

Want my kinky origin story? Listen to Season 2, Episode 6 (August 11, 2026). [link]

I once stood in front of the most romantic fountain in Rome all by myself, on a trip with my husband. In this episode I share what that morning taught me about shrinking, staying busy and telling myself "it's fine." If you have been toning down what you want, this is your wake-up call.

Ready to stop? Shameproof Your Desires is my four-week course to help you become impossible to shame, claim your kinks and start having the sex you want.

https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-course

In this episode, Auntie Carmen brings together the three patterns covered in the last three episodes, the good girl lane, fantasies under lock and key, and expanding and contracting, and shows how they're actually stages of the same underlying problem: shame. She introduces the full PACT method she teaches inside Shameproof Your Desires and how it addresses all three patterns at once.

Topics covered: recap of the three shame patterns, how shame evolves across stages, the PACT method, course introduction, becoming shameproof

Keywords: sexual shame patterns, claiming your kink, becoming shameproof, PACT method, join shameproof your desires, kink coaching for women

🔗 Join Shameproof Your Desires: https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-course

In this episode, Auntie Carmen names the pattern she calls Expanding and Contracting, the cycle of getting brave, opening up, and then retreating right back into hiding the moment judgment shows up. She shares her own experience with this pattern after her divorce, why it happens even after you've done real shame work, and what changes once you become genuinely unshakable in your desires.

Topics covered: fear of judgment, retreating after vulnerability, internalized shame, sexual identity integration, becoming unshakable, becoming shameproof

Keywords: fear of judgment, retreating after vulnerability, external shame, internalized shame, becoming shameproof, unshakable confidence

Shameproof Your Desires Course: https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-course

Auntie Carmen breaks down why women keep their fantasies locked away, and what becomes possible the moment you finally say them out loud.

Keywords: hidden fantasies, suppressing sexual desire, communicating sexual needs, sexual autonomy, co-creating pleasure with a partner, fear of judgment sex, kink communication, sex coach for women, shameproof desires, uncovering desire

Join my free community Camp Claim It on Skool here: https://www.skool.com/campclaimit

For women who know they are kinky or kink-curious but still find themselves allowing shame to make their decisions, take my self-guided course. Learn more here: https://shameproofyourdesires.com/shameproof-course/shameproof-course

In this episode, Auntie Carmen names the pattern she calls the Good Girl Lane, the invisible habit of waiting for permission before claiming the sex and desires you actually want. She breaks down why this pattern forms, what it quietly costs you in real relationships, and what shifts the moment you stop waiting for a green light that was never coming.

Topics covered: good girl conditioning, waiting for permission, sexual autonomy, resentment in relationships, becoming shameproof

Keywords: good girl conditioning, waiting for permission, claiming your kink, sexual autonomy, women and sexual shame, shameproof desires

Join Shameproof Your Desires: [course link here]Join Camp Claim It on Skool for free resources: [Skool link here]

In this episode, Auntie Carmen picks up where episode eight left off, exploring what happens once desire comes back but you don't yet have language for what you actually want. She shares how she began getting curious about power exchange dynamics and her own bisexuality, and why solo self-exploration mattered just as much as anything she discovered with a partner.

Join Camp Claim It in Skool here https://www.skool.com/campclaimit

Topics covered: discovering hidden fantasies, sexual self-discovery, exploring power exchange and BDSM for the first time, bisexuality exploration, solo self-exploration, becoming shameproof

Keywords: hidden sexual fantasies, discovering your kink, exploring desire after divorce, sexual self-discovery, power exchange fantasies, kink curious women, shameproof desires

In this episode, Auntie Carmen opens up about a belief that quietly ran her life for years: that being a good mom and having real, active sexual desire couldn't exist in the same woman. She shares what happened during a decade-long sexless marriage, and what it was like when her libido came roaring back after divorce with nowhere to go. If you're a mother wondering whether you're allowed to want the things you want, this episode is for you.

Join Auntie Carmen's Camp Claim It Community on Skool here:

⁠https://www.skool.com/campclaimit/about⁠

Topics covered: motherhood and sexual identity, sexless marriage, libido returning after divorce, permission and desire, good girl conditioning, becoming shameproof

Keywords: libido after motherhood, sexless marriage, mom sexuality, reclaiming desire as a mom, sexual shame in marriage, midlife libido, shameproof desires

In this episode, Auntie Carmen picks up where episode six left off and takes listeners inside the real, everyday version of her power exchange marriage. She breaks down the difference between being a trad wife and choosing to be "in her dynamic," introduces her husband and explains the small daily rituals that keep a D/s dynamic alive once real life, moving, and logistics take over. If you've ever wondered what power exchange actually looks like on a random Tuesday rather than in a fantasy, this episode answers it.

Topics covered: the difference between trad wife roles and chosen power exchange dynamics, service submission in daily life, co-creating roles with a partner, maintaining a D/s dynamic through life transitions, daily rituals and mini-moments in relationships

Keywords: alpha sub, power exchange marriage, D/s dynamic daily life, not a trad wife, service submission, Dominant husband, kink relationship rituals, sex coach for women

In this episode, Auntie Carmen goes deep into her origin story, from a controlling first relationship in high school to a sexless ten-year marriage, and finally to the consensual power exchange dynamic she shares with her husband today. Carmen opens up about her first taste of submission with a partner who "unlocked" something in her, exploring non-monogamy and her own bisexuality, learning to spot predators posing as Dominants in the kink community, and the collaring ceremony that marked the beginning of her marriage. If you've ever wondered whether someone can fully see and desire the parts of you that feel "too much" or unnamed, this episode is proof that it's possible.

Topics covered: healing from a controlling relationship, discovering sexual submission, non-monogamy and bisexuality exploration, collaring ceremonies and D/s ritual, long-distance courtship, becoming shameproof, exploring desires, post divorce explorations

Keywords: collaring ceremony, consensual submission, power exchange dynamic, D/s relationship, kink after divorce, sex coach for women, shameproof desires

Can you remember the first time someone made you feel like you wanted too much? In this episode, Auntie Carmen, the Kink Midwife, traces the exact moment "too much" got written into your story, and how family, partners, culture and religion all piled on to make it feel like the truth instead of just the loudest voice in the room. If you're a woman standing at a turning point, a divorce, a loss, a big life shift, and you're done shrinking yourself to keep other people comfortable, this episode is your invitation to start questioning who actually wrote that story in the first place. It's part of Shameproof Your Desires, the podcast helping women become impossible to shame so they can finally live and love on their own terms.

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https://www.instagram.com/shameproofyourdesires/

To learn more about Shameproof Basecamp email Carmen@shameproofyourdesires.com

Keywords: too much sexual desire, sexual shame after divorce, kink coach for women, midlife women sexuality, reclaim your identity after divorce, women's shame recovery podcast, kink midwife, judgment-free sex coach, shameproof your desires, sexual desire coaching for women, unlearning sexual shame, women starting over after divorce, sex positive podcast for women, becoming impossible to shame, women starting over after life change, post loss new identity

Standing at a turning point, a divorce, a loss, a big life change, and wondering what you actually want now? Auntie Carmen opens the show by asking the question most women are afraid to answer: what turns you on, specifically, right now, in the life you're actually living. A permission slip for women starting over and done believing they're “too much.”

Email to get on the waitlist for Shameproof Basecamp

carmen@shameproofyourdesires.com

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There's a fantasy you've never said out loud to a single person, and it's been sitting there this whole time, taking up more space than you realize. In this episode, Carmen the Kink Midwife unpacks why women lock their most specific desires away, what it actually costs to keep them hidden, and the one small, private step that starts changing everything. If you've got a kink or a want you've never dared to name, this episode is for you.

You don't need anyone's okay to want what you want. In this episode, sex and relationship coach Carmen Joseph breaks down why so many women wait for permission to claim their sexual desire, where that conditioning comes from, and how to start giving yourself permission instead. If you've ever hesitated to admit what actually turns you on, this episode is your sign to stop waiting.

Welcome to Shameproof Your Desires!

In this opening episode, certified sex and relationship coach Carmen Joseph shares why she renamed the podcast and the realization that changed everything: freedom isn't about never feeling shame—it's about no longer letting shame make decisions about your sexuality, intimacy and desire. If you're ready to stop seeking permission, trust yourself more deeply and create a sex life that's guided by your desires instead of fear, this episode is the perfect place to begin.

Follow Carmen on Instagram as well as the show!

https://www.instagram.com/shameproofyourdesires/

In today's brief episode, Carmen shares a little of what's to come with this podcast.

What happens when you stop waiting for the perfect moment and start saying yes to your own curiosity?

In this honest episode of Juicy Bits with Carmen, Carmen shares a recent experience that reminded her of an important truth: sexual exploration doesn't stop just because life gets busy. Even as a sex and relationship coach, she found herself noticing the ways she was holding back from new experiences, choosing comfort over curiosity and staying tucked away in familiar routines.

Through a story of consent, connection, power dynamics and playful exploration, Carmen explores what it means to move toward desire with intention rather than fear. She shares how creating clear boundaries, honoring personal agency and taking small, aligned risks can reignite your connection to pleasure and aliveness.

If you've been feeling disconnected from your sexuality, unsure where to begin exploring or afraid to step outside your comfort zone, this episode offers a powerful reminder that sexual confidence is built one small step at a time. Whether that means reading a book, listening to erotica, having honest conversations or simply allowing yourself to be curious, every step counts.

This episode is an invitation to become the Creatrix of your own juicy life by embracing desire, expanding what's possible and giving yourself permission to explore pleasure on your terms.

Want more? Join Carmen's Your Juicy Life free community on Skool here: https://bit.ly/yjlskool

Follow and binge Isha Vela's Waking Up Wealthy Podcast here:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-wealthy-with-isha-vela/id1544879640

This episode is your reminder that the permission you've been waiting for isn't coming from a partner, society, your family or even your favorite coach. It starts with you.

So many women have been taught that sexual desire is something to suppress, hide or apologize for. We learn to be desired rather than to acknowledge our own desires. We wait for someone else to tell us it's okay to explore pleasure, ask for what we want or admit that we crave intimacy and connection. In the waiting, we reinforce the belief that our desires are wrong.

In this episode of Juicy Bits with Carmen, we unpack the hidden ways women give away their power by waiting for permission to enjoy sex, explore their sexuality and prioritize pleasure. Carmen explores how sexual shame, fear of responsibility and outdated narratives about "good women" keep us disconnected from our bodies and our desires. She shares how reclaiming your voice begins with giving yourself permission to want what you want without guilt or apology.

Whether you're avoiding intimacy, settling for unsatisfying experiences or longing to discover what truly turns you on, this conversation invites you to stop waiting and start listening to yourself. Your desires are not a problem to fix. They are information. They are human. And they deserve your curiosity.

If you've been craving a deeper connection to your body, more confidence in expressing your needs and the freedom to experience pleasure on your own terms, this episode is your invitation to begin.

Join Carmen's Free Skool Community here: https://bit.ly/yjlskool

Explore 1:1 coaching with Carmen here: https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/566687/173430943914132915/share