The Imperfects

Have we ruined the art of being a beginner?

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With guest host Hamish Blake, we welcome back friend (family?) of the show James van Cuylenburg to expertly guide us through beginners’ mindset: what is it, how can we harness it, and what is the best way to model it for our kids?

In a time where kids are wanting to be the GOAT of a sport they learnt about yesterday, we’re winding back the clock to reframe the anger and frustration of trying a new skill, and to learn just how great persistence is for our identity.

James leads us through why we avoid discomfort, the role of dopamine and reward, and when to allow ourselves to quit something.

This episode contains lots of helpful advice for anyone wanting to adopt a beginners’ mindset, and embrace ‘friction maxing’ as their next expedition into embracing discomfort.

Chapters

• 00:00:00 The Beginner's Mindset
• 00:01:32 Childhood Choir Days & The Pressure to Be the GOAT
• 00:10:32 Frictionless Society: The Dopamine Problem
• 00:22:08 Friction Maxxing: Inviting Discomfort Back In
• 00:27:49 Process Over Product: Finding Joy in the Journey
• 00:33:51 Persistence vs Endurance: The Art of Sticking With It
• 00:49:20 The Zone of Proximal Development: The 5% Rule
• 00:53:03 When Kids Get Angry: Co-Regulation & Small Wins
• 00:56:22 Shame vs Motivation: The Choir Director's Mistake
• 00:59:13 James Van Cuylenburg's New TV Show & Final Thoughts

🫖If you liked this episode, you might also love

• James van Cuylenburg - Love Your Wonky Bricks - https://bit.ly/3VZ1O26
• James van Cuylenburg - What’s Your Relationship Status - https://bit.ly/4jFdIrF
• Hamish Blake - Let’s Talk About Self Doubt - https://bit.ly/4jKDwCQ
• Dr Emily - You’re Full of Grit - https://bit.ly/3ULXe6W
• Nedd Brockman - The Man, The Myth, The Neddgend - https://bit.ly/4ilxYvX
• The Academy of Imperfection - Dr Billy Garvey, Paediatrician - https://bit.ly/4Bpwmdn
• Dr Billy Garvey - From Boyz II Men - https://bit.ly/4zpm6QQ

📺 Things to watch

• Unskilled Adult - https://bit.ly/4dYgJQi

🎧 Things to listen to

• You’re A Good Kid - https://bit.ly/4z9u1Sp

📚Research to research

• Gretchen Rubin’s work on process over product - https://bit.ly/4z6UTCu
• Angela Duckworth’s work on grit - https://bit.ly/3WAhuJf

🚲 Things to check out

• Blue Derby Pods Ride - https://bit.ly/4irThwd
• Engage 1 on 1 Psychology - https://bit.ly/3Wev2dg

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

It’s time we talked about the mental load. Again.

💌 To join our journaling club, with 9,900+ others, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

Consider this a companion episode to our infamous, most shared episode of 2023, The Elephant in the Relationship where Hugh and Penny introduced us to their mental load, and how they were trying to make it more equal in their relationship.

Today we’re sprinkling in some expertise and scientific data, as we’re joined by Professor Leah Ruppanner who explains to Hugh, Ryan and Josh that there’s actually 8 different types of mental load, and not all of them are draining.

Bringing examples from their own lives, Hugh, Ryan and Josh discuss with Leah why the mental load can seem like an insurmountable amount of emotional thinking, and how partners can better communicate to reduce anxiety-like symptoms and burnout.

We chat to Leah about the exacerbation of the mental load when chronic illness becomes part of the equation, and how to manage the mental load when there is no one to share it with.

Chapters

• 00:00:00 – TRAILER
• 00:02:02 – The Mental Load is life changing for relationships
• 00:03:11 – Mental Load definition: emotional thinking work
• 00:05:41 – 3 characteristics of the mental load
• 00:08:00 – Mental Load vs Burnout: Treat Your Energy Like a Budget
• 00:14:19 – The Elephant in Hugh & Penny’s Relationship
• 00:16:50 – Type 1: Life Organisation
• 00:17:20 – Type 2: Emotional Support
• 00:18:00 – Type 3: Relationship Hygiene
• 00:19:03 – Type 4: Dream Building
• 00:20:26 – Type 5: Magic Making
• 00:25:00 – Type 6: Individual Upkeep
• 00:27:30 – Type 7: Safety
• 00:28:00 – Type 8: Meta Care (Doom Scrolling and the Mental Load)
• 00:29:56 – How to do a mental load audit with your partner
• 00:34:09 – Align your energy with your goals
• 00:36:25 – Delegating tasks vs sharing the mental load
• 00:38:24 – Shift work vs running the business
• 00:40:30 – Birthday presents and the perfect mother myth
• 00:41:30 – Mess: do men really not see it?
• 00:44:50 – Why women feel judged
• 00:48:41 – “Good enough is good enough”
• 00:54:13 – Mental load in same sex couples
• 00:57:07 – Why perspective + empathy matters
• 00:58:13 – Mental load when you’re single, or your partner won’t engage
• 00:59:02 – What a cancer diagnosis does for priorities
• 01:05:45 – A Little More Imperfects: Mental Load at Work

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode

• Hugh & Penny - The Elephant in the Relationship - https://bit.ly/4zNi0C4

📚Things to read

• Drained, by Leah Ruppanner (this one has the audit in it) - https://bit.ly/47RUyI5
• Motherlands, by Lead Ruppanner - https://bit.ly/3WjSCW0
• Men do see the mess, study by Leah Ruppanner et al. - https://bit.ly/4dTCaSq
• Cognitive + Emotional Labour, research by Leah Ruppanner et al. - https://bit.ly/4eN3HFo

📺 Things to watch

• Inside Out - https://bit.ly/4yx5mG4

🂱 Things to do

• Fair Play Cards - https://bit.ly/3UFeWZK

💝 Breast Cancer Support

• Breast Cancer Network Australia - https://bit.ly/4igX8fj
• McGrath Foundation - 1800 183 338
• Think Pink Foundation - https://www.thinkpink.org.au

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

In the end, Matt Nable wished his brother would give in.

Motor neurone disease had taken everything, except his brother’s will to live.

💌 To join our journaling club, with 9,000+ others, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

Joining us in the studio today is writer, actor, boxer, and former rugby league player, Matt Nable.

Recognisable for playing infamous tough guys on screen (Arrow, Underbelly, The Dry), Matt’s experience of loss and mental ill health has starkly redefined what he believes it is to ‘be a man’.

Using the analogy of a ‘double edged sword’, Matt explains his experience with bipolar and hypomania, and how those periods have lead to the best, and worst, decisions of his life.

Matt is incredibly generous in sharing his experience of biological melancholia depression, and explores with Josh just how quickly everything can seem to unravel.

Matt speaks about the immense grief he carries for his brother who passed away MND, and how he was able to move through this grief to find purpose and compassion.

*Content Warning: today's episode includes a discussion about psilocybin. In Australia, psilocybin is a controlled substance. Outside of authorised clinical settings, its use, possession and supply are illegal. This episode is not medical advice, and we're not encouraging or endorsing illegal drug use. Psilocybin can carry serious risks, particularly when taken without professional screening and supervision. Our guest's experience is their own and won't be typical of everyone's. This episode also mentions suicide. If you're struggling with grief or your mental health, please speak with your GP or a mental health professional.

🚨If you, or someone you know, are experiencing suicidal thoughts call lifeline on 13 11 14. In an emergency, call 000.

Chapters

• 00:00:00 – TRAILER
• 00:02:48 – Childhood shapes who we are
• 00:03:40 – What does it really mean to be tough?
• 00:07:38 – Why Matt doesn’t think he is a tough man
• 00:09:21 – Redefining Masculinity, and Rejecting the Manosphere
• 00:12:00 – Letting Go of Ego
• 00:13:34 – Losing his brother to MND
• 00:20:40 – A Psilocybin Retreat for Grief: Matt’s Experience
• 00:23:08 – Meeting his younger self
• 00:24:09 – Reaching Acceptance
• 00:28:34 – Figuring out what really matters
• 00:35:12 – A brother’s love: Hugh & Josh reflect
• 00:38:55 – Finding humour in grief
• 00:40:34 – A Parent’s Grief vs a Sibling’s Grief
• 00:41:30 – The Meaning of Matt’s Tattoos
• 00:42:10 – Bipolar II + Melancholic Depression Diagnosis
• 00:43:46 – Hypomania: The Double-Edged Sword
• 00:46:52 – Matt’s rise to fame
• 00:51:10 – Bipolar vs Depression: The Crash, Exhaustion + Regret
• 00:52:34 – Sitting with someone in the dark
• 00:54:08 – The Quicksand of Men’s Mental Health
• 00:56:02 – Standing on the Edge: Josh’s Story
• 00:58:01 – Finding Joy in the Small Moments
• 01:01:29 – Writing as an Anchor Point
• 01:07:29 – Why men need to be vulnerable
• 01:07:59 – Journaling Club “How would you like to be remembered?”

Some other great resources are below

• Black Dog Institute - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au
• Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au

📚Things to read

• Mire, by Matt Nable - https://bit.ly/4hYglT0
• Other books by Matt Nable - https://bit.ly/4dI1uut

📺 Things to watch

• The Final Winter - https://bit.ly/4s3EYSC

Things to donate to

• Fight MND - https://fightmnd.org.au

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

Trailer footage sourced from Mr Inbetween.

This is not your mother’s perimenopause.

💌 To join our journaling club, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

Joined by guest host Zoë Foster Blake, and Dr Fatima Khan, we’re diving head first into perimenopause: the what, the why, and the how-the-f**k to deal with it.

Typically beginning in your late 30’s, and in your brain of all places, perimenopause symptoms include heightened anxiety, irritability, sleep disturbances, brain fog … all things that make you feel further and further away from your best self.

Beginning 5 -7 years BEFORE your last menstrual period, perimenopause can coincide with postpartum, the most important presentation of your career to date, and the uncovering of neurodivergence, which may have been painstakingly masked until this shift in hormones.

With the expertise of Dr Fatima, and the lived experience of Zoë, we hope this episode makes you feel seen, less alone, and ready to have THAT conversation with your GP.

Chapters

• 00:00:00 The Truth of Perimenopause [TRAILER]
• 00:01:09 The Meet Cute of Zoe Foster Blake and Dr Fatima Khan
• 00:06:55 Is this Perimenopause? Early Signs + Symptoms
• 00:07:41 Zoe’s Perimenopause Journey: No Sleep, Anxiety, Rage, Repeat.
• 00:09:56 Volcanic Rage, Explained
• 00:14:59 What Doctor’s Miss: Misdiagnosis + Antidepressants
• 00:15:57 Why Your Husband Is Breathing Too Loud
• 00:20:18 Perimenopause Mental Health Screening
• 00:21:25 Debunking the “You’re Too Young” Myth
• 00:23:43 Is it Anxiety? Depression? Perimenopause?
• 00:25:26 The Pill, The Mirena + The Modern Woman in Peri
• 00:30:44 Loosing Yourself in Peri: Brain Fog + Dementia Fears
• 00:32:10 The Importance of Testosterone
• 00:36:00 HRT Myths: Re-educating a generation
• 00:39:04 A Script for a Script: What to say to your GP
• 00:41:12 Perimenopause Is a Multi-Organ Syndrome
• 00:46:09 High Achieving Women + Peri = Shame
• 00:46:47 When Perimenopause Unmasks Your ADHD
• 00:54:26 Trauma Reactivation in Perimenopause
• 00:57:17 Pills + Skills: Why HRT Alone Isn’t Enough
• 00:58:41 The Longevity of It All
• 01:00:30 Nutrition

📚Things to read

• Group Chat, by Zoë Foster Blake - https://bit.ly/4efqR70
• Hormone Health is Mental Health, by Dr Fatima Khan - https://bit.ly/4j6G2Ts

💻Things to check out

• Australasian Menopause Society - http://menopause.org.au
• Meno-D questionnaire - https://bit.ly/3Toj3sN
• Zela Wellbeing - https://bit.ly/4ARGFXu

🎧Imperfects episodes for MORE on hormones

• Zoë Foster Blake - Zero Lucks Given - https://bit.ly/4y8xwHx
• Dr Louise Newson - Maybe it’s Menopause - https://bit.ly/4i7xM3F
• Dr Louise Newson - It’s Hormones. Period. - https://bit.ly/47ya9w2

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

Angie’s OCD obsessions are that she has committed her worst, most insidious, fears.

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Officially diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) when she was 19, some of Angie’s earliest memories are of obsessions, compulsions and seeking reassurance.

Joining us in the studio, Angie talks to Hugh, Ryan and Josh about the reality of living with OCD, how she navigates particularly bad episodes with her partner, and why she wouldn’t wish it on her worst enemy

Angie explains false memories, and the lengths she has gone to seek reassurance, and finally, why it is so important to her to create something that helps people feel less alone.

In amongst all of the OCD chat, Hugh asks Angie about her anti-discrimination work and the beautiful story of where that passion came from.

Chapters

• 00:00:00 – Trailer
• 00:01:27 – Angie + Hugh don’t do small talk
• 00:03:46 – Why Angie accepted an ARIA on behalf of Sia
• 00:05:45 – Growing Up in Sporting Royalty
• 00:07:45 – Why Angie’s Brother Came Out To Her
• 00:10:41 – “I’m Crying Because I Could Have Helped”
• 00:13:21 – Why Feeling Safe To Be Yourself Matters
• 00:15:02 – Angie’s Moral Compass: Where Does It Come From?
• 00:18:17 – OCD: Obsessions, Compulsions + Reassurance
• 00:20:45 – OCD Stereotypes vs Reality
• 00:22:52 – Feeling Like A Bad Kid
• 00:24:52 – Why OCD Makes Your Excruciatingly Self-Aware
• 00:28:02 – Examples of Intrusive Thoughts
• 00:30:23 – Invisible Compulsions: Kissing, Hugging, Incest
• 00:32:19 – Relationship OCD: Constant Fear of Cheating On Your Partner
• 00:34:37 – OCD False Memories: How The Brain Builds ‘Evidence’
• 00:36:10 – Why Reassurance Seeking Never Brings Relief
• 00:39:13 – What It’s Like Loving Someone With OCD
• 00:41:40 – What OCD Has Cost Angie: Peace, Presence + Precious Moments
• 00:50:08 – Why Getting The Right Treatment Was Lifechanging
• 00:54:52 – What Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) Actually Looks Like
• 00:57:02 – How To Support Someone With OCD
• 00:59:01 – How Angie and Her Husband Manage OCD Episodes
• 01:02:53 – Finding Your People Through OCD
• 01:05:15 – How To Respond When Someone Tells You They Have OCD
• 01:08:24 – Tips for Supporting Someone Who Has OCD

🧠If you, or someone you know, has been diagnosed with or thinks they may have OCD, these are some great resources. In an emergency, always call 000.

• OCD BOUNCE - https://ocd.org.au
• OCD WA - https://www.ocdwa.com.au
• International OCD Foundation - https://iocdf.org
• The Joy Thief, by Penny Moodie - https://bit.ly/3VJaKZ4
• It’s Not What You Think podcast - https://bit.ly/4iZppcj
• LifeLine - 13 11 14

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode

• Penny Moodie - Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) - https://bit.ly/4jxTPTd
• Penny Moodie’s New Book - OCD & Finding Joy Again - https://bit.ly/4rGXkJa
• Rick Davies - Living with OCD - https://bit.ly/4hxuLZY
• Issac Humphries - Coming Out On Court - https://bit.ly/3VZDHQA

💻Things to check out

• Andrea Wallace’s Website - https://wonderpsychology.com
• Angie Greene’s Website - http://angiegreene.com.au

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

Mid 20's and $250,000 in debt. Gripped by a gambling addiction. How do you recover?

💌 Join 9,500+ others in our newsletter community - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

From the outside, it looked like Luke Bateman was living the dream: a professional NRL career with ludicrous pay checks and sponsorship deals.

On the inside, Luke was battling a crippling gambling addiction, deepening depression and a widening chasm between the character he was playing, and his true authentic self.

With immense courage, honesty and vulnerability, Luke takes Hugh, Ryan and Josh through the ups and downs of his recovery journey. Luke unpicks the difference between unconditional love and conditional help from his parents, and why his time in rehab was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Luke speaks about how his journey with addiction impacted his relationship with his mum, and the gratitude he feels for her now, and how learning about internal family systems changed his life forever.

Luke, you are such a beautiful person. Thank you for joining us today.

This episode discusses gambling addiction and suicidal ideation. Please take care when listening.

This episode is part of the BE HOPE Podcast Takeover, bringing podcasts around the world together to explore the themes of hope and how we can continue to make progress in a rapidly changing world - https://globalgoals.org/behope/

🚨If you, or someone you know is struggling with a gambling addiction

• Call LifeLine - 13 11 14
• Register at BetStop - http://betstop.gov.au
• Gamblers Anonymous - https://bit.ly/3TJ1C6d
• Gambling Help Online - http://gamblinghelponline.org.au
• In an emergency, always call 000

🩵To hear our chat with Luke about The Manosphere and to join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://patreon.com/theimperfects

0:00 – Trailer: $250K of Gambling Debt
1:26 – Be Hope Podcast Takeover Announcement
4:15 – Luke Bateman doesn’t fit in a box
6:06 – Growing up ‘soft’ in Rural Queensland
10:03 – Hiding Books from the Boys
17:11 – The Shame of Reading
19:22 – Chasing a Dream to Fill the Void
22:26 – Money, Drugs & Alcohol in Professional Sport
27:40 – Lies, Debt & Betting Company ‘VIP’ Treatment
30:26 – Should Gambling Sponsorship Be Banned?
31:11 – Rock Bottom
33:18 – The Phone Call That Saved His Life
39:45 – Rehab, Recovery + Relinquishing Control
43:40 – Inside Rehab “Get a Real Addiction”
47:21 – Recovery Is Not Linear
50:21 – Internal Family Systems: Healing the exiled child
56:05 – Generational Masculinity: Why Men Struggle to Connect
58:19 – Denial + Corporate Greed
1:03:13 – Luke’s Honesty Policy
1:06:08 – Unconditional Love vs Conditional Help
1:10:18 – Sharing Shame with Teammates
1:11:37 – Luke’s Message to Anyone Struggling Right Now
1:13:03 – Finding Your Way Back

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

• Jack’s Gambling Addiction Story - https://bit.ly/4hFQmk1

📚Things to read

• The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, by Kate DiCamillo - https://bit.ly/46FkS7v
• Keys to the Kingdom, by Garth Nix - https://bit.ly/4AnBxKB
• The Midnight Library, by Matt Haig - https://bit.ly/4d2Ozmx
• No Bad Parts, by Richard C Scharwtz - https://bit.ly/46FSGkU
• You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For, by Richard C Schwartz - https://bit.ly/3Tp0gx8

🎧Things to listen to

• In The Good Books with Luke Bateman I Matt Haig: Writing What You Need to Hear - https://bit.ly/4jjvBvK

📱Things to check out

• Luke’s Instagram (and his thoughts on male silence) - https://bit.ly/46AnIuy

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you live in fear of being found out as a fraud? That despite your years of competency, achievement and high performance someone will uncover the truth?

Well, you’re in the right place. Our resident psychologist Dr Emily Musgrove is here to tell you that your imposter syndrome is nothing to be afraid of. In fact, it’s not even a syndrome.

💌 Get practical take-aways from this episode, and join 9,400+ others in our newsletter community - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

To get a little bit meta, Dr Emily explains that knowing that you don’t know everything, is a good thing. Especially if you’re starting a new role, or trying something for the first time.

HOWEVER, the long-term consequences of the imposter cycle such as perfectionism, overcompensation, burnout, or even avoidance and procrastination, may impact your willingness to say yes to new opportunities, such as going for that promotion or asking for support.

In this episode, Dr Emily asks Hugh, Ryan and Josh to think about the balance of their competence and confidence, and provides them (and you!) with four practical strategies for combatting this pesky phenomenon.

And then, a weird amount of chat about Vlad the Impaler.

0:00 – An Emisode!
2:41 – Adam Grant is not an imposter
5:11 – Origins of Imposter Syndrome
6:45 – ‘Syndrome’ is the wrong word
8:19 – It all comes back to belonging
10:39 – How common is imposter syndrome?
12:20 – Fear of being found out as a fraud
15:16 – The evolutionary psychology of belonging and self-doubt
16:35 – Is self-doubt actually healthy?
17:42 – Is your confidence a mask?
18:57 – The Dunning-Kruger Effect
23:15 – The more you know ….
25:12 – Competence vs confidence
26:29 – The Imposter Cycle: anxiety, perfectionism, luck
32:09 – Becoming your own favourite artist
35:55 – Avoidance, procrastination + self-fulfilling prophecies
38:29 – Long term consequences ft. Hugh’s anus
45:26 – Authenticity as the antidote
46:22 – Less growth, less promotions
48:52 – Strategy 1: write down your skills
49:53 – Strategy 2: name your shame
51:40 – Supporting a friend with imposter phenomenon
52:29 – Self-doubt in a new role is a good sign
57:12 – Strategy 3: mentor a near peer
1:00:38 – Strategy 4: celebrate your success
1:02:57 – Creating a good workplace culture
1:04:06 – Belonging is good for business
1:06:25 – Want more on belonging?

Dr Em, thanks for joining us.

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

• Adam Grant - The Potential of Your Potential - https://bit.ly/4jc0DFM
• Dr Emily - We’re Longing for Belonging - https://bit.ly/4yElLJp
• Rana Hussain - Belonging for Connection - http://bit.ly/4odhGY8
• Esther Perel - It’s Not Them, It’s You - https://bit.ly/4yxgljs

🎧Things to listen to

• The Curiosity Shop with Brene Brown and Adam Grant - https://bit.ly/4gT05mW

📖Things to read

• Hidden Potential, by Adam Grant - https://bit.ly/4AemQcv
• Hardwiring Happiness, by Rick Hanson - https://bit.ly/3T6IhM0

📺 Things to watch

• Mad Men - https://bit.ly/4cLB6zx

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When he was 15, Andy Lee’s mum forgot who he was.

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Given only two weeks to live, Andy tells Hugh, Ryan and Josh how this news impacted his family, impacted his childhood, and continues to impact his sense of self.

And then, we’re going all the way back to the early days of Radio Karate, and Hamish & Andy.

In a long overdue conversation (recorded, of course), Ryan and Andy chat about their own friendship dynamic and why they both felt like the odd one out.

Getting down to business, Andy and Ryan discuss how a bunch of 20 year old guys made tough financial decisions while trying to remain mates, how they learnt to give constructive criticism to each other, and with the blessing of hindsight, how they feel about that time now.

Andy, we’ve been waiting for this episode longer than a baker with his oven off.

0:00 – 2 years of secret vocal coaching
4:35 – HOW long for one cartoon episode?
5:48 – When Andy met Hamish (and Ryan)
9:39 – The impact of getting cancelled after 5 episodes
10:08 – The best advice Andy received
14:07 – Jealousy, Jealousy
20:25 – The Four Way Split of Hamish & Andy
23:42 – Should we be recording this?
25:10 – Social media has replaced the paparazzo
26:11 – Andy’s nude photo scandal
30:23 – Inspiration and renegotiation
36:55 – The Vulnerabilitea House
38:02 – When your mum is given two weeks to live
40:30 – Rapid deterioration and rush to hospital
43:28 – Taking on the parent role at 15
46:04 – Furious at the new normal
49:09 – Why “Don’t Worry, It’ll Be Fine” is the worst thing to say
54:36 – Andy’s Dad’s incredible sacrifice
58:20 – The Lee Gazette
1:00:50 – Why we should talk about will’s

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

• Ryan Shelton - Shame, Jealousy & Purpose - https://bit.ly/4A230B5

📺 Things to watch

• Institute of Sayings from Real Stories - https://bit.ly/4xBJHgq
• Do Not Watch This Show! - https://bit.ly/4cAwlIZ
• New Zealand Spy - https://bit.ly/4hdjPBI

🎧Things to listen to

• Andy Lee on Falling Upwards with Kate Langbroek - https://bit.ly/4yucp30

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever watched the person you love most get everything you ever wanted? Did you harden around envy, or shrink with comparison? Were you able to find happiness for their success?

Philippa Northeast, Logie nominated and lead of Netflix’s My Brilliant Career, is a star quickly rising. Her most significant role? The little sister of our producer, Bridge.

💌Join 9,400+ others in our newsletter community - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

Joining us as a guest host, Producer Bridge, alongside Hugh, Josh and Ryan, discuss the years of failure and rejection behind the scenes of Pip’s overnight success.

Constantly aware of the need to prove herself a success, Philippa is completely vulnerable about the obsession that came from certain rejections, and her anxiety which manifested itself as trichotillomania.

Offering a unique and intimate perspective, both Bridge and Josh reflect on their respective siblings’ success, and how that has shaped their own identity.

It’s sibling vs sibling, and only one will make it out alive (kidding, it has a happy ending).

0:00 – Meet Producer Bridge’s Little Sister
5:43 – Pip’s Brilliant Career: From Home & Away to Netflix Star
11:39 – Middle Child Syndrome
19:28 – Sibling Comparison: Cricket and Drama Solos
20:55 – Finding Success Straight Out of High School
22:56 – Self-belief vs Self-doubt: Why Pip Took The Leap and Bridget Didn’t
25:30 – Feeling Over-shadowed, and Under Pressure
28:00 – Becoming an Unemployed Clown
29:17 – The Sensational Potter Backup Plan
34:01 – Getting Undressed (Again)
35:46 – The Hollywood Grind
37:32 – Lockdown, Isolation and Growing Doubt
46:15 – Obsession born from Rejection
51:49 – What Loneliness in the Acting Industry Feels Like
52:46 – The Body Keeps Score: Trichotillomania
54:47 – Healing: Journalling, Yoga, Grounding
57:04 – The Hallmark Offer That Changed Everything
1:03:39 – The Downside of Growing Up Next To A Rising Star
1:07:29 – Choosing Pride Over Jealousy
1:09:49 – The Upside of Losing to Claudia Karvan

🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

• Claudia Karvan - Love, Her Way - https://bit.ly/3UNr9LC
• What’s Your ATAR? - https://bit.ly/4zQ4AG5

📺 Things to watch

• My Brilliant Career - https://bit.ly/4zPaW8L
• Family Next Door - https://bit.ly/4gEp0cw
• Newsreader - https://bit.ly/3UNr4ri
• A Royal Runaway Romance - https://bit.ly/3V8rGb2
• Standing Up For Sunny - https://bit.ly/4xyeASP

🎧 Things to listen to

• Undressed by Sombr - https://bit.ly/4wY9Ipf

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What impact does sleep deprivation really have on your wellbeing? What about your parenting? What about your identity?

Matt D’Avella has amassed over 4 millions subscribers on YouTube undertaking 30-day wellness challenges, and promoting his minimalist lifestyle.

In life that was meticulously controlled, having kids changed everything.

💌Join 9,400+ others in our newsletter community - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

Blessed with a baby who woke every 30 minutes for the first ten months of their life, Matt chats to Hugh, Ryan and Josh about how becoming a new parent impacted every facet of his life.

Hugh and Josh share just how lonely they have felt at different times during their parenting journey, and Ryan saves the day by holding a baby for a full 40 minutes (save the applause! please!)

Matt this was a dream come true.

To watch the full episode on YouTube - https://youtu.be/foilZTRGXco

00:00 - I Tried Being Vulnerable for 30 Days
7:03 - Minimalism Maxxing
18:00 - The Vulnerabilitea House
20:25 - Becoming a father, losing sleep (and himself)
24:14 - Depression Diagnosis Wake-Up Call
32:56 - Hugh's Sleep Score
40:38 - SOS: Hiring Help, Expanding your Village
48:50 - Sleep Training: What Actually Works
52:02 - The Real Cost of Sleep Deprivation
58:29 - Being A Mum: The Additional Burden
1:01:32 - 'Do You Regret Having Kids?'
1:04:00 - The New and Improved Matt D'Ad-Avella

🫖Other Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode

• Dr Edna Lekgabe - New Baby… New Brain… Matrescence - https://bit.ly/4zVt9Si

📺 Things to watch

• Minimalism Documentary - https://bit.ly/3SSZb0t
• Why I disappeared - Matt D’Avella - https://bit.ly/3SwYA4g
• Matt D’Avella YouTube - https://bit.ly/4wOzFXW

💤 Things to sleep train

• Tresillian Sleep Organisation - https://bit.ly/4zAGTS5
• The Ferber Sleep method - https://bit.ly/4iCdqB4
• Masada Sleep School - https://bit.ly/4qNi7uc

📚Things to read

• Regretful Parents subreddit - https://bit.ly/4gx9W0b

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How does having cancer as a child impact the way you live as an adult?

Uber successful chef and restauranteur Josh Niland doesn’t do things in halves (no, literally, have you read his book The Whole Fish?).

From opening a restaurant at 26, to becoming the first Australian to win the James Beard Book of the Year award when he was just 30, Josh’s creativity came from a place of desperation to explore every opportunity presented to him.

💌Join 9,400+ people getting a Dr Emily values worksheet and takeaways from this week’s episode in our newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

Diagnosed with cancer 2 days after his 8th birthday, Josh’s childhood transformed in a matter of hours into hospital hallways, chemotherapy and facing his own mortality.

In this episode, Josh joins us in the Vulnerabilitea House to talk us through an experience which profoundly changed him, which he is now grateful for.

Hugh, Ryan and Josh (our Josh), also ask about where his drive and ambitious creativity comes from, and just how close to failure Josh’s culinary career came.

We wish this chat could have gone on longer,

If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link -

🫖Other Imperfect’s episodes mentioned on this episode

• Nathan Cavaleri - The Ups & The Blues - https://bit.ly/468HE7l

📺 Things to watch

• Josh’s Australian Story - https://bit.ly/4giDtKR

📚Things to read

• Saint Peter: Chapter & Verse, by Josh Niland - https://bit.ly/4bVM0SN
• The Whole Fish, by Josh Niland - https://bit.ly/4bVM0SN

🍽️ Places to eat

• Saint Peter - https://bit.ly/4qrs4gv

💻Things to check out

• Starlight Children’s Foundation - https://bit.ly/4hHDkmM
• Josh Niland’s Website - https://www.mrniland.com

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

Is tough love to blame for our shame?

💌Join 9,200+ people getting a Dr Emily values worksheet and takeaways from this week’s episode in our newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

We all know that parent or coach on the sideline who takes under 10’s basketball a liiitttllleee too seriously. And occasionally, tough love might seem to work in the moment, long term, the shame train isn’t going anywhere good.

Dr Emily, our resident psychologist, is here to name the shame to tame it, and teach us how we can be shame strippers too (get your head out of the gutter. Shame on you).

We go into the difference between shame, humiliation, guilt and embarrassment, bow down to the queen Brene Brown, and introduce ourselves to our own Healthy Adult.

Shamelessly, this is one of our best episodes to date.

0:00 – Ever heard of a shame stripper?
6:27 – Bow down to Brene Brown
12:25 – The other self-conscious emotions (they’re shy)
20:51 – Humour and humiliation
29:21 – Shame is a full body experience
36:16 – Beware of who you share (with)
40:43 – Manosphere + behaviour change
46:59 – Tough love + kids sport
57:07 – Working with shame
1:06:10 – Bring on the compassion!
1:10:07 – Introducing the Healthy Adult

If you’d like to watch the full episode on YouTube, follow this link -

🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

• Ryan Shelton - Shame, Jealousy & Purpose - https://bit.ly/4qgEqrO
• Dr Emily - Compassion of The Self - https://bit.ly/4hqWa1k
• How do you know you’re in a thinking trap? - Maria Ruberto - https://bit.ly/4ze4eJh

🎧 Things to listen to

• Between Two Beers with Steven Adams - https://bit.ly/4g3wipS

📚Things to read

• Daring Greatly, by Brene Brown - https://bit.ly/45VT2Dx
• The Compassionate Mind, by Paul Gilbert - https://bit.ly/3UewPOq
• Movember study of the Manosphere - https://bit.ly/4wZxtOs
• Proneness to shame vs proneness to guilt research by Tangney et al. - https://bit.ly/4g4lQyl

📖Things to do

• The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook, by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer - https://bit.ly/4zg353K
• Othership (breath work app) - https://bit.ly/4g7Q03E

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Can nature help us to feel less alone?

💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

Psychologist on the incredible, Alone Australia series (remember our seminal episode with Gina Chick?), Mark Mathieson is in the Academy of Imperfection to help us understand how nature regulates our body, and how we can reconnect to it in this digital age.

Mark talks about how to uncover the person behind the persona, the science behind gardening, and why Hugh had the best sleep of his life in a tent, with no pillow.

According to Mark, human are immensely capable of change, and this episode provides a few things we can do to ensure nature is incorporated into our routines, without cramming the schedule more.

Mark, it was great to be alone . . . with you.

If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIMSSRJg2vQ

0:00 – Ice breaker: where have we gone wrong?
6:58 – The segmentation of exercise
11:46 – Evolution of Mark
18:53 – Person behind the persona
24:10 – Our virtual reality future
27:22 – Let’s learn to adapt
36:00 – Building relationships with nature
42:28 – The science of gardening and sunshine
48:53 – Eventually, reality TV gets us all
53:08 – Big city blues

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

• Gina Chick - Don’t Fight Life - https://bit.ly/4xj0kga
• Sean Turnell - A Prisoner’s Guide to Life - https://bit.ly/4btNKCu
• Sex for Normal People with Ita O’Brien - https://bit.ly/4btNNya
• Dr Emily - The (pesky) Hedonistic Treadmill - https://bit.ly/4yXxx2B
• Dr Paul Callaghan - How To Follow The Dreaming Path - https://bit.ly/457l9PY

📚Things to read

• Comfort Crisis, by Michael Easter - https://bit.ly/4pV10Ga
• The Dreaming Path, by Dr Paul Callaghan and Uncle Paul Gordon - https://bit.ly/4gctqrZ

📺 Things to watch

• Alone Australia (new season out now) - https://bit.ly/4yWVW8n

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://theimperfects.com.au/shop

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://patreon.com/theimperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects

All views expressed in this podcast are Mark Mathieson’s and not representative of the Department of Defence, Australia.

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What is racism, really?

💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

Adam Briggs, rapper, writer, actor, senator and Yorta-Yorta man, joins Hugh, Josh and guest host Nazeem Hussain, to have an honest conversation about racism in Australia.

We explore the impact of The Voice Referendum vote, how culture and community impacts identity, and why Briggs has never, ever felt the need to people please (yep, that’s the sound of us frantically scribbling down notes).

Briggs also chats about the highs and lows of bipolar II.

0:00 – No boundaries Briggs
5:26 –Big Shep’ Washing Machine
12:25 – This is racism
21:27 – A hyper-vigilante
28:06 – Perfect storm for art
36:09 – Copping it Australia Wide
43:22 – The Yes Vote
53:08 – Australian Culture
57:02 – Never just about music
1:04:50 – Make Aboriginal Cool
1:09:19 – Bipolar, therapy, training

🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode

• Ben Shewry (Pt 1) - The Other Side of Excellence - https://bit.ly/4fErGpQ
• Ben Shewry (Pt 2) - How The Chef Was Made - https://bit.ly/45sPsR7
• Ben Shewry - Making It Right (And Delicious) - https://bit.ly/4gXyDEZ
• Nazeem Hussain - Losing a Parent - https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-imperfects/id1476501557?i=1000589981824

🎧Things to listen to

• Big Noter - https://www.thebignoter.com/https://www.thebignoter.com
• The Children Came Back by Briggs & Gurrumul - https://bit.ly/4fGaxMH

📺Things to watch

• Briggs’s Voice Referendum ad - https://bit.ly/4bkiTs2

📚Things to read

• Our Home, Our Heartbeat by Adam Briggs - https://bit.ly/4yQKbjW

💻Things to check out

• Rumbalara Football Netball Club - https://www.rfnc.com.au/
• Bad Apples Music - https://bit.ly/4x8Rdi3

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWzhttp://bit.ly/4lyuuW

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - https://www.patreon.com/c/TheImperfects

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Sex is sometimes a taboo topic. Not today! Intimacy expert Ita O’Brien tells us all about the new normal in the bedroom, and how she’s introduced it to Hollywood.

💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

In 2017, Ita O’Brien changed how Hollywood approached sex scenes when she pioneered intimacy co-ordination on the hit Netflix show, Sex Education, by introducing the framework, “Intimacy On Set Guidelines”. She went on to on productions for Netflix, BBC, HBO, Hulu, Amazon, including Sex Education and Normal People, founding her own company Intimacy on Set.

And now she’s here.

Ita chats with the guys about what sex scenes were like before Intimacy Co-ordination, and all the lies movies taught us about sex. She explains the mysterious orgasm gap, why consent is the foundation of all intimacy, and maybe most importantly of all… the male and female anatomy of arousal! That bit’s at the 16min mark if you’re really in a hurry. 😉

00:00 – Meet Ita O'Brien, the World's First Intimacy Coordinator
01:32 – Inside Her Work on Normal People, I May Destroy You & Sex Education
04:17 – What Intimacy Actually Means (It's Not Just Sex)
07:34 – The Untold Story of the First-Ever Intimacy Coordinator Job
09:35 – What Sex Scenes Were Like Before Consent Guidelines Existed
12:27 – Why On-Screen Intimacy Shapes How We See Ourselves
14:33 – The Hidden Lie Movies Taught Us About Sex
16:00 – The Male Anatomy of Arousal, Explained
18:33 – The Female Anatomy of Arousal, Explained
23:17 – Why Desire Fades in Long-Term Relationships
25:59 – The Power of Touch (and Why We're Losing It)
30:39 – How Screens Are Rewiring Kids' Ability to Connect
34:08 – The Truth About the Orgasm Gap
40:30 – Why Consent Is the Foundation of All Intimacy
43:10 – Filming the Iconic Birth Scene in We Live in Time
49:52 – How to Talk to Kids About Consent and Bodies
52:24 – "Consent Is Sexy": A Call to Writers and Filmmakers
54:33 – Sex, Menopause and Intimacy at Every Life Stage

📖Things to read

Intimacy: A Field Guide to Finding Connection and Feeling Your Deep Desires by Ita O’Brien - https://www.penguin.com.au/books/intimacy-9781529954043

📺 Things to watch

Sex Education (Netflix) - https://www.netflix.com/title/80197526
Normal People (BBC/Hulu) - https://www.hulu.com/series/normal-people
I May Destroy You (BBC/HBO) - https://www.hbo.com/i-may-destroy-you
Catastrophe - https://www.amazon.com/Catastrophe-Season-1/dp/B00YGB8UYK
We Live in Time (Film4/A24) - https://www.a24films.com/films/we-live-in-time

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

Esther Perel — Let's Be Better Lovers - https://open.spotify.com/episode/1BantQso5Ef3xPn4PWNG2I

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWzhttp://bit.ly/4lyuuW

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Could you live without your phone for a month?

🩵To hear more episodes like this, join A Little More Imperfects!
Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/theimperfects
Apple - http://apple.co/theimperfects

This week it's just the three of us. And like Odysseus before us, we embark on a life changing epic.

Where he fought the trojans, monsters, cannibals, sirens, the oceans, a cyclops and ACTUAL GODS!!

We will do something even ‘EPIC…ER’.

We’re tackling our phones.

Each of us take on a month-long challenge to fix our worst phone habits, inspired by the ‘god of no phones’ - Christopher Nolan and the release of THE ODYSSEY (if that wasn’t obvious already, but we promise this episode isn't an ad).

We then share some of our favourite bits from behind the pay wall, from our Patreon/Subscriber community. Ryan has an unplanned, very generous on-air hair donation; Josh shares a bit from a book which changed his life a bit; which leads to one of the most honest conversations he and Hugh have ever had on (or off) the show, about comparison, self-esteem, and growing up idolising your older brother.

This is one epic journey.

00:00 — The Phone Odyssey Begins
08:54 — Our Phone-Free Pledges
19:11 — Modelling Better Habits at Home
25:29 — Hairing is Caring
37:57 — A Bit From a Book That Changed Josh’s Life a Bit
48:18 — The Conversation Between Brothers That Needed to Be Had

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode

• Bronte Campbell - Comparison, The thief of joy ****https://bit.ly/49S1S7C
• Joe Brumm & Hamish Blake - A Bluey Print for Dads https://bit.ly/4w4ohI8
• How (and why) Ryan Dumped his iPhone https://bit.ly/3T3xdyM
• Sam Willoughby - The tragic injury that changed his life (and Ryan’s Finnastride admission) https://bit.ly/4fa5u8p

📖 Things to read

• The midnight library - Matt Haigh https://bit.ly/4vGgnE0
• How Proust can change your life - Alain de Botton https://bit.ly/4dYfCkd
• In search of lost time - Marcel Proust https://bit.ly/4vt3lJG

📺Things to watch

• The Odyssey https://bit.ly/4vY8nij
• Christopher Nolan on 60minutes https://bit.ly/4yjfZgX

💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/shop/

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/shop/

The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

To be jealous is to be human. It is what you do with that feeling that counts.

💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

Our resident psychologist Dr Emily Musgrove is in the studio to talk about THAT podcast moment: the one where Ryan admitted he was jealous of Hugh and Hamish Blake’s relationship. The one that lives in Imperfects history.

According to Dr Em, we develop the emotion of jealousy at just 9 months old, and it shows up everywhere; family, work, school, friends.

Feelings around jealousy can be extremely painful, especially if it is accompanied by shame.

In this episode, Dr Emily explores why jealousy can be so dangerous when not listened to, and why our jealous behaviour can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

See you on the other side.

If you want to watch this full video on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/dlufNQ7iXCc

00:00 - The Day Has Arrived
02:48 - When Ryan Revealed He Was Jealous of Hugh & Hamish
7:45 - Shame Tells You Not To Speak It
10:02 - Harry Styles Walks Into a Super Market
15:54 - You’re Making My Dog Jealous
22:31 - Feeling Jealous vs Being Jealous
43:49 - Hugh, Ryan & Hamish: 4 Years Later
47:50 - How To Have The Conversation (And Build Trust)
59:32 - You Can Feel Jealous AND Still Trust

🫖 Episodes mentioned in this episode

• Hamish Blake - Let’s Talk About Self Doubt - https://bit.ly/3QG8MXo

💻Things to check out

• Uncertainty vs inevitable pain study - https://bit.ly/43NWFKQ

🎵Songs to listen to

• Jealous Guy by John Lennon - https://bit.ly/43NWzCY

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWzhttp://bit.ly/4lyuuW

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu

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See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Want can you learn from playing with a child?

In today's Academy of Imperfection, Bluey creator Joe Brumm joins us (for real life), with Hamish Blake stepping in as guest host.

💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

In this episode we dig into the world of play - ”the voluntary overcoming of unnecessary obstacles”, we find out what makes a ‘good’ player and why kids' imaginative play tends to fade around age 12.

Josh and Hugh take the chance to wax lyrical about their favourite Bluey episodes, Rain, Fruit Bat, Born Yesterday, The Decider (to name a few). And all three dads also share some moments of parenting shame as we discuss the constant battle for attention between our phones, and our kids.

00:00 - Hamish Blake from Rove
08:13 - Bluey, The Most Streamed TV Show of All Time
11:51 - The Best Definition of Play You've Ever Heard
21:00 - It’s All Improvising
38:02 - Permission to Pretend Again
51:20 - My Kids Wouldn’t Have The Dad They Have Without Bluey
54:00 - Doing Something Just for Fun Is a Valid Reason
58:07 - Being Present In a World of Distractions
01:22:00 - The Bluey Episode That Made a Room Full of Footballers Cry
01:27:16 - Let Them Lead and See What Happens

If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/eMigxjhCkcs

🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode

• How (and why) Ryan dumped his iphone https://bit.ly/no-more-iphonehttps://bit.ly/4vi83uA

📺 Things to watch

• Bluey - Shadowlands https://bit.ly/4eTzKTA
• Bluey - Calypso https://bit.ly/3QT6NyT
• Bluey - Magic Xylophone https://bit.ly/4gdY057
• Bluey - Born Yesterday https://bit.ly/3SvY5HA
• Bluey - Bin Night https://bit.ly/4gd89Pt
• Bluey - The decider https://bit.ly/4eHS1V4
• Bluey - Faceytalk https://bit.ly/4wpWWju
• Bluey - Pass the parcel https://bit.ly/4gi9PXU

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWzhttp://bit.ly/4lyuuW

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects

See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How do you raise a child whose brain works differently?

This episode is for parents of kids with ADHD. And parents who have ADHD. And people who don’t have a diagnosis, but would consider themselves ‘fast and loose’. And for everyone who knows someone who fits the above criteria.

💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

Janelle Booker, a psychologist who specialises in ADHD, is BACK, this time, to talk to parents of ADHD kids, and how to parent when you yourself have ADHD.

And also, ADHD-curious Hamish Blake is here too.

We look at the role of dopamine, energy vs stressors, and how to make your mornings less chaotic and more compassionate.

Hamish and Janelle. What a duo.

0:00 – A dynamic duo: Hamish and Janelle
5:58 – The penny drop moment for Hugh
11:35 – ADHD or Fast and Loose?
19:56 – The beauty and beast of ADHD brains
22:38 – The life of an ADHD kid
27:16 – A crash course on dopamine
37:26 – Structure, sleep and school
44:38 – Identity and diagnosis
55:13 – ADHD kids and friendships
1:02:50 – Parenting WITH ADHD
1:16:29 – Finding and supporting regulation
1:23:13 – Slo-pamine
1:28:54 – Let’s talk about the strengths
1:34:35 – Get ‘em outside!

If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/WwEBTIMohwg

🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode

• Janelle Booker - Living With ADHD - https://bit.ly/4g0CUXK
• Hugh’s ADHD…brief - https://bit.ly/4g567Rw
• Maria Ruberto - Advancing Despite Adversity - https://bit.ly/4uYFbGS

💻Things to check out

• Janelle’s website - https://bit.ly/3QJdO5t
• The MEHRIT Centre - https://self-reg.ca/
• The ADHD Parent Circle Online Program - https://bit.ly/4g5Anvu
• ADHD Women’s Support Group (Perinatal and Early Parenting) - https://bit.ly/3T0BJ0N
• Online Q&A with Janelle about ADHD parenting - https://bit.ly/4g5wneu

📖Things to read

• ADHD: A Delightful Human Difference. Reframing ADHD for Good, by Janelle Booker and Matthew Johnson - https://bit.ly/4w7scU3

🎧Things to listen to

• Hamish & Andy podcast - https://bit.ly/43Z0RHJ
• Controlling Your Dopamine For Motivation, Focus & Satisfaction, by Huberman Lab - https://bit.ly/4xPnMCZ

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWzhttp://bit.ly/4lyuuW

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects

See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How do you choose who to trust? And how do you show others that you are trustworthy?

💌Join 8,100+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy

In this Academy of Imperfection, we are joined by Jimmy Wales, co-founder of Wikipedia. No biggie (BIG biggie).

And if there’s one thing Jimmy knows, it's how to garner and imbue the trust of millions.

You’re right in feeling like the general level of trust globally is low right now, but this episode is here to step through Jimmy's 7 rules which will help you build, rebuild, and solidify what is in our innate human behaviour.

Trust is important, and so is this conversation.

0:00 – BIG deal on the internet
8:41 – The heart behind it all
14:57 – Trust is always personal
20:22 – It’s human nature
23:33 – Good guys of the internet
30:35 – Don’t take sides
38:23 – The circle of trust
40:15 – Own up
46:03 – Let’s call them a civil person

If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/Z1SPClxSfYI

📖 Things to read

• The Seven Rules of Trust, by Jimmy Wales - https://bit.ly/4vi83uA

🎧Things to listen to

• How to Build (And Rebuild) Trust with Frances Frei - https://bit.ly/4vfMMSl

🏆Competitions to enter

• Imperfects LIVE at the Balwyn Cinema Gold Class Double Pass - https://bit.ly/3S0E0Zr

🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz

🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWzhttp://bit.ly/4lyuuW

🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu

🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects

See https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.