The Sex After Kids Podcast

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I used to hate swimming. Today, I leave the pool feeling stretched out and pain free. I used to dread sex. Last night, I had three orgasms. What happened? In today’s episode, I talk about the six things learning to become a swimmer has in common with how I learned to enjoy sex.

If you’re on the Merry-Go-Round of Avoidance, think you just aren’t that sexual a person anymore, or struggle with sex (or your partner does), this episode is for you.

Book a free spark session right here and let's get you on the path to the sex that feels fun and easy for you both.

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Given up trying to help your partner orgasm? Feel like your own orgasms are a “heavy sneeze” when there’s supposed to be so much more? Friend, your body might not be broken. It might be armoured up.

In this episode, inspired by a question from the DMs, I finally talk about dearmouring as a term you can get familiar with: where it comes from, what armour actually is, the dead giveaways that you’ve got some, and why your armour deserves a thank-you before it gets melted.

Plus I take you into my own bedroom (and my pelvic floor physio’s office) to show you what dearmouring looks like in real life, brain gremlins and all.

In this episode:

• Where the term dearmouring comes from
• What armour is, and how it ends up in the body
• Pain, numbness, and irritation: the signs you’re armoured up
• Why you need to stop fighting your body
• A real-life example of dearmouring in action

Hearing yourself (or your partner) in this? Book a free Spark Session and tell me you want to talk about dearmouring.

Links to check out:

- Sex As Medicine Podcast with Devi Ward
- Rahi Chun - Dearmouring

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If you sat down for a cup of coffee with me and said, “Sofia, fix our sex life,” you might expect me to start by asking how often you’re having sex, who initiates, or what exactly is happening in your bedroom.

I actually don’t start there.

In this episode, I share the five questions I ask every couple I work with. They’re probably not what you expect, and they tell me everything I need to know about the sex you’re having, how often you’re having it, and why you’re stuck. I’ll invite you to answer them for yourself, so grab a coffee and get a little honest with yourself.

And I want you to notice what isn’t on the list.

If you’re tired of having the same conversation over and over and getting nowhere, book a free, no-obligation Spark Session.

Find us on Instagram: @intimacyafterkids [check handle]
Website: http://www.intimacyafterkids.com

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Two years of the Sex After Kids Podcast! To celebrate, I'm sharing what I hear most often from both higher libido and lower libido partners in my DMs, on enrollment calls and in client sessions, and the surprising gap between what each of you thinks the other wants. (Hint: the most common "win" I hear isn't more sex.)

Then we explore a different kind of question - What if your partner isn't asking you to force yourself to want sex? What if they're asking you to open the box called sexuality that's sitting next to you, and look inside with curiosity instead of fear?

In this episode:

• What higher libido partners actually say would feel like a win
• What lower libido partners wish their partners knew
• Why one partner's box is wide open and the other's is wrapped in barbed wire
• The five dimensions of human sexuality: biology, intimacy, identity, sensuality and sexualization
• Why most of us go to the buffet and eat the same thing every single time

Mentioned in this episode:

• Naomi Wolf, Vagina: A New Biography
• Sheri Winston, Women's Anatomy of Arousal
• Charlie Glickman, The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure
• My interview with Dan Purcell, verify spelling on the five stages of your sexual relationship
• Mysensuality episodefrom the Naked Fun Comeback lessons
• Last week's episode on why your body has never really been your own

If it’s time to open your sex box maybe for the first time ever, or maybe again, so you can experience sex that feels light, fun and playful again -book a private Spark Session. Totally free, no obligation, come solo or with your partner. You’ll leave with a customized game plan and we’ll see if working together is the right fit for you.

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For many women, their relationship with sex was complicated long before kids entered the picture—or before they met their current partner.

In this episode, Sofia explores how cultural messages, fertility challenges, birth, past sexual experiences and years of feeling disconnected from the body can shape a woman’s experience of intimacy. She also explains why rebuilding that relationship cannot fall entirely on one person.

You’ll hear:

• Why sex can feel easy and uncomplicated for one partner but overwhelming for the other
• How the body holds onto experiences of pressure, pain and disconnection
• What partners can take responsibility for without spiralling into shame
• How small, pressure-free experiences create new evidence that intimacy can feel safe, playful and connected
• Why intimacy gets better when both partners are willing to learn a new way forward

Because intimacy is a team sport—and creating a sex life that feels good for both of you requires both people to participate.

Ready to understand what’s keeping you stuck in the merry-go-round of avoidance? Book a 30-minute Spark Session with Sofia to uncover the root causes and map your next steps back to playful, easy connection and sex.

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When you finally get a moment to yourself, do you choose something that fills you up or something that helps you check out?

In this episode, Sofia explores the difference between genuine pleasure, quick gratification and everyday dissociation. She breaks down how chronic stress disconnects us from our bodies, why pleasure can feel surprisingly difficult to access and how small moments of joy can help regulate the nervous system.

You’ll learn about four forms of pleasure: emotional, physical, spiritual and sexual, and why building your capacity for pleasure outside the bedroom supports desire and connection inside it.

Sofia also introduces the 5% More Principle, a simple practice for making everyday life slightly more pleasurable. Put music on while you cook. Sit in the sun while you eat lunch. Choose play when bedtime starts testing every last nerve.

These choices may look small, but they build the skills underneath satisfying intimacy: noticing what you want, giving yourself permission to want it and communicating it to someone else.

If you’re ready to understand what’s keeping you and your partner stuck in avoidance, book a 30-minute Spark Session with Sofia at https://intimacyafterkids.com/.

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What if the best sex of your life is still ahead of you?

In this episode, Sofia revisits a favourite conversation from the Sex After Kids Summit with Dan Purcell, founder of Get Your Marriage On. Together, they explore the five stages a sexual relationship can move through, from the excitement of newness and the reality of maintenance sex to novelty, deeper meaning and complete surrender.

They talk about why having kids can shake couples out of sexual complacency, how to recognize the season you’re currently in and why maintenance sex doesn’t have to become your forever.

In this episode:

• The five stages of a sexual relationship
• Why routines form and how couples get stuck in them
• When maintenance sex works and when it stops working
• Bringing novelty back into a long-term relationship
• Creating deeper, more vulnerable sexual connection
• Why sex can become better and more meaningful with age
• Building a private space for fun, play and pleasure within your relationship

Your sex life will change as your relationship, family and bodies change. That evolution doesn’t mean the best is behind you. With curiosity, new skills and a willingness to keep choosing each other, it may still be ahead.

Want help getting off the merry-go-round of pressure, rejection and avoidance? Book a Spark Session with Sofia to uncover what’s keeping you stuck and map your next steps toward playful, easy connection.

Learn more at http://intimacyafterkids.com

https://r.dateyourspouse.com/sofia

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Most parents can’t go from dishes, deadlines and daycare pickup brain to feeling sexy with the flip of a switch.

There is no switch. There’s a bridge.

In this episode, Sofia explores the art of the transition: how couples can move out of regular-life mode and into connection, pleasure and play without waiting for spontaneous desire or forcing themselves to push through.

You’ll learn:

• Why waiting for your libido to magically return can keep you stuck
• The difference between making an intentional choice and forcing yourself
• How to work with the yellow-light “maybe” zone
• Why a 15-minute cuddle can still be a successful night of connection
• How positive experiences create a breadcrumb trail back to intimacy
• What it looks like to interrupt a negative sexual experience
• How honouring your body’s limits rebuilds self-trust
• Why receiving your partner’s boundaries with grace can create more room for future yeses
• How higher- and lower-desire partners can build trust together

Great sex in a long-term relationship isn’t built by waiting until you’re both spontaneously ready. It grows when you create the conditions for safe connection, listen to what your bodies are telling you and stay curious about what each moment has available.

If you’re ready to get off the merry-go-round of avoidance and find your way back to playful, easy connection, book a 30-minute Spark Session with Sofia. Together, you’ll uncover what’s keeping you stuck and map your next steps forward.

BOOK YOUR SPARK SESSION → http://www.intimacyafterkids.com/calendar

Connect with Sofia:

Instagram and Facebook: @IntimacyAfterKids

Website: http://intimacyafterkids.com

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You love each other, you’re committed to each other and there are still things you’re both quietly not saying.

The frustration you swallow.

The need you decide isn’t worth bringing up.

The disappointing sex you pretend was fine because talking about it somehow feels harder than just moving on.

But if it stays silent, it stays stuck.

In this episode, I’m sharing an excerpt from The Naked Fun Comeback (my signature program for couples) about one of the biggest shifts I see couples make: learning how to talk about hard things without the conversation immediately turning into blame, defensiveness, shutting down, or another argument that goes absolutely nowhere.

We’ll dig into why these conversations can feel so risky, the difference between trying to win and trying to understand each other, and a four-step communication framework you can use to say what’s actually going on without putting your partner immediately on the defensive.

You’ll learn:

• Why keeping the peace can slowly cost you connection
• What happens when one partner fights to be heard while the other shuts down or people-pleases
• The four steps of Nonviolent Communication
• Why “I feel ignored” isn’t actually a feeling
• How to find the real need underneath the argument you keep having
• What it can sound like to bring up something hard without making your partner the problem

The goal of a hard conversation isn’t necessarily to agree or even solve everything right away, it’s to understand each other better than you did before you started and every time you learn how to share yourself honestly and stay to hear your partner honestly, you’re not only getting in the way of intimacy, you’re creating it.

Ready to get off the merry-go-round of avoidance?

Book a 30-minute Spark Session with me — we’ll look at what’s keeping you stuck in patterns of avoidance and map out your next steps toward connection and sex that feel playful, easy, and alive again.

BOOK YOUR SPARK SESSION → http://www.intimacyafterkids.com/calendar

Connect with me:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/intimacyafterkids/

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If you've ever thought, "We're best friends... so why is our sex life still struggling?" this episode is for you.

Many couples assume that a strong relationship should naturally lead to a great sex life. But what if being close emotionally isn't the same as knowing how to create desire, connection, and fulfilling intimacy?

In this episode, we unpack why so many happy, loving couples still struggle with sex. We talk about the hidden patterns that keep couples stuck, why date nights and hormone tests often don't solve the problem, and the truth that almost nobody is taught the skills needed for a healthy, satisfying sex life.

You'll learn why your relationship isn't broken, why your body probably isn't the problem, and how learning new relationship and intimacy skills can change everything.

If you're in a long-term relationship, married, or navigating intimacy after kids, this conversation will help you understand why you're stuck and what you can do next.

Join the Naked Fun Comeback waitlist to be the first to hear when doors open for the October cohort and receive exclusive bonuses and early-bird pricing.

https://intimacyafterkids.com/comeback-waitlist

Connect with me:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/intimacyafterkids/

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Is marriage after kids harder than you expected? You're not alone.

In this episode of the Sex After Kids Podcast, I share the honest story of what our marriage looked like after becoming parents. We've experienced resentment, therapy, sleepless nights, postpartum struggles, the mental load, and moments where I questioned whether we'd make it.

I talk about what actually helped us move through those difficult seasons, from changing how we handled the mental load to learning how to communicate better, reconnect emotionally, and approach our relationship as a team instead of opponents.

Whether you're navigating postpartum marriage, relationship struggles after kids, low libido after children, or simply trying to reconnect with your partner, I hope this conversation reminds you that you're not alone.

Ready to reconnect with your partner? The next round of The Naked Fun Comeback starts this October. Join the waitlist below to be the first to hear when doors open.

https://intimacyafterkids.com/comeback-waitlist

Connect with me:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/intimacyafterkids/

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In this episode Sofia explores why so many women are just "waiting for their sex drive to come back online" to have a better sex life. She explores why this thinking is the hard way back to a fun and flirty relationship and what couples who have a thriving sex life after kids do instead. She shares dispatches from her bedroom to illustrate how tuning into intention instead of desire, turning stop signs into yield signs in your body, and communicating playfully can get you back to the sex you crave after children.

Whether you're navigating postpartum marriage, relationship struggles after kids, low libido after children, or simply trying to reconnect with your partner, I hope this conversation reminds you that you're not alone.

Ready to reconnect with your partner? The next round of The Naked Fun Comeback starts this October. Join the waitlist below to be the first to hear when doors open.

https://intimacyafterkids.com/comeback-waitlist

Connect with me:

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/intimacyafterkids/

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From missmatched libidos and pelvic floors, to sexual fantasy and communication skills - your host Sofia Ashley - certified sex coach and educator - will walk you through her thoughts on it all in these solo (for now) episodes.

Today I introduce myself and give you the DL on my 10 year relationship and how my sex life has evolved throughout. Grab a cup of tea, and maybe some earbuds and let's get acquainted.

00:00 The Conversation You Are Avoiding
00:09 Navigating Tough Seasons
00:11 Staying Connected Through the Early Years
00:16 Emerging Together Stronger

_______________

Add more play to your couple connection and get back into the bedroom for more frequent and more satisfying naked sexy fun time after kids.

https://intimacyafterkids.com/comeback-waitlist

Host Sofia Ashley, founder of the Happy Vagina Project, Certified Sex Coach and Sex Educator, brings you one part science of sex, one part magic, and one part real talk to tackle everything from miss matched libidos and lacklustre sex after kids.

Whether you adopted, joined a blended family, or made a kid in your body we'll explore the ups and downs and the detours of trying to keep your sex life alive in the chaos of parenting.

Sofia is a mom of two and step mom of one living a neurospicy household in Yukon, Canada on the Traditional territories of the Kwanlin Dün First Nation and the Ta'an Kwäch'än Council where she is grateful to live and play with her hubby and kiddos.

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Let’s just put it out there: If you’re in a sexless marriage, you’ve probably had at least one “Would this just be easier if we split up?” moment. Maybe you’ve even daydreamed about a solo life—until you remember that modern dating sounds absolutely exhausting. (No, thank you!)

If you’re even flirting with the D-word—even in your head—this episode is for you. Because keeping those worries secret just makes things worse, and you are NOT alone.

Join Sofia as she busts myths, calls out the mistakes that keep couples stuck, and shares the real, courageous steps that can bring you back from the edge—before it’s too late.

Timestamps & What You’ll Learn:

00:00 — Introduction

01:14 — Addressing Sexless Marriage Struggles

02:34 — Debunking the Myth of Dead Bedrooms After Kids

05:31 — Common Pitfalls in Sexless Marriages

10:59 — Solutions and Steps Forward

14:12 — Closing and Resources

Helpful Links:

• Book a free Spark Session
• Solve Your Sex Drive Quiz
• Follow Sofia on Instagram
• More episodes of Sex After Kids Podcast

Drop your story or questions in the comments. You are not broken, and your marriage is worth fighting for.

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Feeling awkward about intimacy after kids, or stuck in the “roommate rut?” You’re not alone. In this episode, I share why foreplay (and the “pre-game” before it) is the real secret to rekindling connection—and how to make it feel safe, pressure-free, and fun (especially for the lower libido partner).

What we cover:

01:06 — Rethinking Foreplay & Getting Started Again

02:11 — Zero Pressure: The Key to Connection

02:36 — Pre-Foreplay: Building Safety & Trust

03:25 — The Pre-Game: Flirty Connection & Melting Defenses

03:57 — Pressure-Free Scenarios: Massage Examples

06:30 — The Impact of No Pressure & Openness

07:27 — Playful Possibility: Fun Ways to Bring Back Foreplay

08:49 — Anticipation & Pre-Game for Scheduled Sex

09:42 — Building Up to No Pressure Sexy Connection

10:15 — Opening the Door to Libido & Support Offers

Links & Resources:

Start the Roommates to Romance Challenge

Follow Sofia on Instagram

More episodes of Sex After Kids Podcast

Drop a comment below with your favourite foreplay rituals or questions! And don’t forget to subscribe for more real, sassy support on sex, intimacy, and pleasure after kids.

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In this episode of the Sex After Kids podcast, we explore the four secret ingredients essential for a fulfilling sex life post-parenthood. Listen in to find out what the nervous system, communication, your relationship to pleasure and your mindset have to do with reclaiming your sex life after kids.

00:00 Introduction to the Podcast

00:37 Setting the Stage with 'Easy'

07:24 The Naked Sexy Fun Times Cycle

14:43 Four Core Ingredients for a Fantastic Sex Life

15:10 Nervous System: The First Ingredient

19:50 Communication: The Second Ingredient

21:53 Relationship to Pleasure: The Third Ingredient

26:41 Mindset: The Fourth Ingredient

29:16 Recap and Final Thoughts

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If s*x after kids feels awkward, disconnected, or harder than it used to… you are not alone.

In this episode, Sofia breaks down why most couples struggle with intimacy after kids — and why it’s NOT because you’re broken, selfish, or “bad at s*x.”

Most couples were never actually taught intimacy skills.

Instead, we relied on chemistry, novelty, alcohol, low stress, and spontaneity in our 20s… and then felt confused when those things stopped working in marriage and parenthood.

Inside this episode:

• Why s*x after kids feels so different
• The real reason couples stop feeling connected
• Why awkwardness creates avoidance
• The 3 intimacy skills healthy couples actually need
• How to rebuild intimacy without pressure or performance
• Why libido isn’t the real problem for most marriages
• How to stop the pressure/shutdown cycle
• What emotional connection actually looks like in long-term relationships

If you feel more like roommates than partners, this conversation will help you understand what’s actually happening — without blame, shame, or making things worse.

👇 Resources Mentioned:

• The First Move Men's Group https://canva.link/fk9emz9wu7m82i3
• The Naked Fun Toolkit: http://www.intimacyafterkids.com/naked-fun-toolkit-lto
• The Naked Fun Comeback: https://intimacyafterkids.com/naked-fun-comeback

#Marriage #Relationships #Intimacy #SexAfterKids #RelationshipAdvice

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Why do so many women shut down sexually in long-term relationships?

In this episode, we’re talking about the emotional dynamic underneath sexual shutdown, rejection loops, pressure, and disconnection… especially after kids.

This conversation explores:

• why desire can “go underground”
• how women are taught to manage men’s emotions
• the connection between boundaries, sexuality, and emotional safety
• how pressure and shutdown cycles develop
• why suppressing sexuality doesn’t actually solve the problem
• what both partners can do differently

This is not about blaming men or women.

It’s about understanding the patterns many couples get stuck in without realizing it.

If sex keeps turning into a fight…

If you feel like you can’t bring it up without things going sideways…

If you miss feeling wanted, connected, or close…

This episode is for you.

👇 Resources Mentioned:

• The First Move Men's Group https://canva.link/fk9emz9wu7m82i3
• The Naked Fun Comeback: https://intimacyafterkids.com/naked-fun-comeback
• The Naked Fun Toolkit: http://www.intimacyafterkids.com/naked-fun-toolkit-lto
• Roommates to Romance: https://intimacyafterkids.com/roommates-to-romance

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What does real intimacy after kids actually look like?

In this episode of the S*x After Kids podcast, I’m sharing a real-life bedroom dispatch — including the awkward moments, miscommunication, nervous system shutdown, and honest conversations that almost made us stop halfway through intimacy.

Because real s*x after kids doesn’t always look effortless or spontaneous.

Sometimes it looks like:

• feeling unsure
• struggling to get “in the mood”
• hitting pause
• communicating through awkward moments
• learning how to create connection without pressure

If you’ve ever wondered:

• “Why does intimacy feel harder after kids?”
• “Why do I shut down when my partner initiates?”
• “Why does s*x keep turning into tension or conflict?”
• “Is something wrong with our relationship?”

…this episode is for you.

We’re talking about:

• responsive desire
• lower libido after kids
• nervous system shutdown
• communication during intimacy
• rebuilding connection in marriage
• pressure vs. safety in relationships
• real-world intimacy after kids
• how couples reconnect emotionally and physically

This is not movie s*x. This is real marriage, real intimacy, and real communication.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone — and there’s another way through this.

👇 Resources Mentioned:

• The First Move Men's Group https://canva.link/fk9emz9wu7m82i3
• The Naked Fun Toolkit: http://www.intimacyafterkids.com/naked-fun-toolkit-lto
• The Naked Fun Comeback: https://intimacyafterkids.com/naked-fun-comeback

#SexAfterKids #MarriageIntimacy #LowLibido #RelationshipAdvice #MarriageAfterKids #IntimacyAfterKids #ResponsiveDesire #CouplesCommunication #SexlessMarriage #RelationshipPodcast #EmotionalConnection #MarriageHelp #DesireAfterKids #ConnectionAfterKids #RelationshipDynamics #RealMarriage #LongTermRelationships #RelationshipSupport #CouplesIntimacy #MarriagePodcast

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If you're a husband feeling rejected, lonely, or stuck in a s*xless marriage after kids, this episode is for you.

Many higher-libido men are trying everything they can to improve intimacy—helping more around the house, avoiding conflict, staying patient, and waiting for things to get better. But sometimes those efforts unintentionally keep couples trapped in the same cycle.

In this episode of the Sx After Kids Podcast, I break down the **4 biggest traps keeping good men stuck in sxless marriages**, including:

✔ The Peacekeeper Trap

✔ The Mental Load Gap

✔ The Vulnerability Deficit

✔ The Emotional Bleed

You'll learn why trying harder often makes intimacy worse, how conflict can actually strengthen connection, what women mean when they talk about mental load, and why personal leadership is one of the most powerful ways to rebuild attraction and intimacy in a long-term relationship.

This isn't about blame. It's about understanding the patterns that keep couples stuck and learning a different way forward.

Whether you're struggling with rejection, low intimacy, desire differences, emotional distance, or constant fights about s*x, this conversation will help you understand what's really happening underneath the surface.

👇 Resources Mentioned:

• The First Move Men's Group https://canva.link/fk9emz9wu7m82i3

#SexlessMarriage #MarriageAdviceForMen #IntimacyAfterKids #RelationshipAdvice #HigherLibidoPartner #MarriageHelp #DeadBedroom #MarriedLife #RelationshipCommunication #CouplesCommunication #IntimacyIssues #SexAfterKids #MarriagePodcast #EmotionalConnection #DesireDifference #MarriageProblems #RelationshipCoach #RebuildAttraction #LongTermRelationships #MenAndMarriage