UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone

Women are taught not to think too highly of themselves, not to stand out, and certainly not to suggest that they might be extraordinary. But what if that socialization is exactly what’s keeping you from creating the life you actually want? In this Classics episode, I share a personal breakthrough about how I had unconsciously been making myself smaller, even while teaching other women to do the opposite. I realized that my reluctance to talk about my own success was rooted in a deeply ingrained belief that owning what makes me extraordinary somehow meant thinking I was better than other people.

I explain why being extraordinary has nothing to do with being more valuable or important than anyone else, and everything to do with learning to think for yourself, stop living your life around everyone else's expectations, and take responsibility for creating the life you want. You'll hear why sharing what's possible isn't about making yourself the center of attention, but about showing other women what they can create for themselves. Because your version of extraordinary doesn't have to look anything like mine.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/541

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

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You can’t just think a new thought and expect your brain to believe it. If you’ve ever tried telling yourself you’re worthy, confident, or beautiful, only to have your brain immediately argue with you, you know what I’m talking about. In this Classics episode, I’m revisiting one of the most powerful tools I teach for changing your thoughts: the thought ladder. I’ll explain why thinking something and actually believing it are two very different things, and why trying to force yourself to believe a thought that feels completely out of reach can leave you feeling even worse.

You’ll learn how to use the thought ladder to move from the thoughts you currently believe toward the thoughts you want to believe, one manageable step at a time. I’ll share practical techniques for finding ladder thoughts your brain can actually get on board with, including how to make a thought feel less personal and how to know when you’re ready for the next step. Thought work is not about transforming your brain overnight. It’s about practicing small changes that add up to a fundamentally different relationship with yourself.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/540

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Your maid of honor didn't come to your wedding, and you're still hurt about it. How do you move on when someone you care about misses an event that was supposed to be so important? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener's question about lingering hurt and why we can get stuck replaying someone else's behavior long after the event itself has passed.

I'll help you unpack the thoughts you're having about what her absence means, from what you think a maid of honor or a good friend should do to what you're making it mean about how much she cares about you. You'll learn how to separate the facts from your interpretations, question the assumptions you're making about her intentions, and find some room to let go of the hurt without pretending you weren't disappointed.

Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/539

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Women are taught that anger makes us difficult, irrational, or unlikeable, while men’s anger is often treated as justified or even heroic. So what happens when you learn to suppress your anger, even when something genuinely matters to you? In this episode, I share a coaching story about a client who was angry about the unequal division of household labor in her marriage and refused to accept the idea that her anger was the problem. We talk about how women are socialized to repress anger and why that can come at a real cost.

I’ll explain why anger is a normal human emotion, but that does not mean every angry reaction is useful or aligned with your values. You’ll learn how to distinguish between feeling angry and acting out of anger, how to decide whether your anger is telling you something important, and why you can allow yourself to feel it without letting it control your behavior.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/538

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

What does nervous system regulation actually mean, and how does it relate to your emotions? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about the difference between feeling an emotion, experiencing nervous system activation, and being “regulated.”

I explain what people are actually referring to when they talk about nervous system regulation, why being regulated does not mean you never feel angry, sad, or ashamed, and how awareness of your body can support your thought work. You’ll learn why the goal is not to eliminate uncomfortable emotions, but to notice what is happening, give yourself the support you need, and choose how you want to respond.

Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/537

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Have you ever avoided dealing with a problem because facing it felt too overwhelming, uncomfortable, or scary? In this episode, I share a story from my own life that shows exactly how much worse problems can become when we avoid addressing them. We’ll look at why your brain is so drawn to avoidance, even when you know intellectually that avoiding something will not make it disappear.

I explain what is happening when your brain tries to protect you from discomfort and why the short-term relief of avoidance often creates bigger problems later. You’ll learn how to identify the problems you may be avoiding, understand the emotions underneath that avoidance, and start approaching difficult situations with more courage and clarity.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/536

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Do you find yourself comparing yourself to every woman you see when you are out with your partner? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about hyper-vigilantly scanning other women and feeling like you are constantly being ranked against them.

I share why this pattern is not a personal failure, but a result of the way women are socialized to see other women as competition for attention, validation, and being chosen. You’ll hear why the solution is not trying to prove that you are the most attractive person in the room, but building a sense of your own value that is not dependent on your appearance or someone else’s approval.

Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/535

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

What does it really take to own your success? In this episode, I’m joined by two of my clients, Cecilie Nielsen and Megan Negendank, to talk about what happened when they stopped treating their goals as proof of their worth and started building a stronger relationship with themselves. We discuss what it looks like to grow a business, achieve ambitious goals, and still learn how to trust yourself, take care of yourself, and enjoy the life you are creating.

Cecilie and Megan share the mindset shifts that helped them move through fear, burnout, self-criticism, and uncertainty while continuing to grow. You’ll hear why success does not eliminate doubt, why the goal itself is not the thing that creates fulfillment, and how trusting yourself can change the way you approach entrepreneurship, challenges, and the next big thing you want to create.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/534

Learn more about the Mission Impossible Mastermind here: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/mim

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Learn more about Megan's work: https://www.lovehealgrow.com/

Learn more about Cecilie's work: https://www.cn8.co.uk/

Why does planning a wedding so often bring up feelings of not being good enough? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about why wedding planning can trigger insecurities around your body, age, money, and worth. I explain how weddings have become tied up with social expectations, commercialization, and the pressure to create a perfect version of yourself.

You'll hear how thought work can help you untangle the beliefs underneath those feelings, question the unrealistic standards you are holding yourself to, and decide what your wedding is actually about for you.

Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/533

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

My book "Take Back Your Brain: How a Sexist Society Gets in Your Head... and How to Get it Out" is available as an audiobook and hardcover wherever books and audiobooks are sold!

Click here to order yours: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/book

We are all going to age. So why are women constantly being sold the idea that aging is something we should fight, prevent, or fix? In this episode, I unpack why the entire concept of “anti-aging” is worth questioning and how the pressure to look younger keeps women focused on monitoring, improving, and judging themselves instead of living their actual lives.

I talk about why anti-aging is an impossible goal, how beauty standards shape the way women relate to themselves, and why changing your appearance cannot create the feelings you are actually looking for. You’ll learn how to take back authority over your own thoughts about aging and build a relationship with yourself that is not based on constantly trying to improve or fix who you are.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/532

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

When you are struggling to accept a painful reality, the question is not just “Why am I resisting this?” but “What am I afraid I will have to feel if I accept it?” In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about her mother’s cognitive impairment diagnosis and why she cannot bring herself to learn more about what it might mean.

You’ll learn why acceptance is not something you can force by gathering more information, and how exploring the thoughts and emotions underneath your resistance can help you process difficult situations with more compassion.

Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/531

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Do you wish you could stop caring so much about what other people think? The problem is, you can't just tell your brain to stop caring and expect it to magically let go. In this Greatest Hits episode, I break down why so many women are stuck worrying about other people’s opinions and why the solution is not caring less about what they think, but caring more about what you think.

You’ll learn why your brain fixates on other people’s judgments, how women are socialized to prioritize external approval, and why the thoughts you are afraid other people have about you are often the thoughts you still believe yourself. I show you how to build new beliefs that actually create freedom, so you can stop organizing your life around imagined opinions and start trusting your own perspective.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/530

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Do you want to share your ideas more boldly, but find yourself holding back because you’re afraid of how people will react? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about becoming a more provocative thought leader in her business and what to do when fear of criticism gets in the way.

I share what this has looked like in my own business, from putting off topics I knew would push people’s buttons to working through the fear of backlash as I continue to grow. We talk about why you do not need to find the perfect thoughts that make you feel completely confident before you take action, and why learning to move forward while feeling uncomfortable is part of doing meaningful work.

Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/529

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

What truth are you refusing to admit because you’re afraid of what it will mean? Maybe you know you want a different role at work, you’re questioning whether something in your relationship is working, or you keep saying yes to things you secretly do not want to do. In this episode, I share a recent moment when I realized I was doing exactly this in my own life.

I discuss why your brain loves to confuse “this is true right now” with “this will always be true,” and how that keeps you stuck fighting reality instead of solving the actual problem. You’ll hear how telling myself the truth helped me make better decisions, ask for support, and stop wasting energy resisting what was already true.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/528

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Have you ever tried to convince yourself you shouldn’t be upset, while still feeling completely resentful underneath? This week, I answer a Coaching Hotline question from a listener who feels frustrated that people attend her events less often than she attends theirs. I explore why resentment often comes from treating your assumptions about other people’s expectations as facts, why you can't coach yourself around a circumstance that is actually a thought, and how getting clear on what is really happening is the first step to changing the way you feel.

Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/527

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

How many times have you decided there is no point in asking for what you want because you probably won’t get it? Maybe you want to ask for a raise, a different role at work, more support from your partner, or a change in your relationship. Your brain has a million reasons why it won’t work, why it’s not the right time, or why wanting it says something bad about you.

In this episode, I explain why that entire framework is backwards and why the point of asking is not just getting the answer you want. I break down why your brain is not a reliable predictor of what is possible, how fear of your own thoughts and emotions can keep you from speaking up, and why the most important outcome of asking is becoming someone who tells the truth about what she wants.

Because when you stop making the ask about whether you get a yes, you stop handing other people control over what you believe you are allowed to want.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/526

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Do you have to choose between staying home with your kids and contributing financially to your family? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about feeling torn between these two goals. We unpack why your brain may be creating a false conflict and how shifting your thinking can help you see more options for creating the life you actually want.

Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/525

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

So much of the self-help world teaches us that the solution to our problems is to become a better, more healed, more secure version of ourselves. In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Marisa G. Franco, author of Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, to challenge that idea and talk about why self-worth starts with acknowledging who you actually are, not trying to erase the parts of yourself you do not like.

Dr. Franco and I talk about why insecurities are not proof that something is wrong with you, how striving to be “securely attached” can become another form of self-rejection, and why acknowledging your full internal experience is the first step toward change. Listen in to learn why healing is not about becoming someone else, but about creating a relationship with yourself where you can acknowledge the full truth of who you are and still know you are worthy.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/524

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Learn more about Dr. Franco's books and work: https://drmarisagfranco.com/

Do you have an inner monologue that is constantly keeping score, reminding you what you accomplished, and trying to prove that you’re doing enough? This week, I answer a Coaching Hotline question from a listener who has an inner monologue that tracks everything she accomplishes as a way to prove her worth. You’ll hear why trying to force your brain to be quiet usually backfires, and what to do instead when you catch yourself in these thought loops.

Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: https://unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/523

Watch episodes over on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching

Follow along on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karaloewentheil/