WTF is AuDHD?

The term 'accommodations' can sometimes sound like a big, unattainable thing - especially when you're conscious of asking others to help. But this week, we want to chat about how you can learn to make your own life easier, even without a diagnosis.

We're talking about accommodations: what they are, why they're not just for people with a formal diagnosis, and how small adjustments to your everyday life can make a big difference.

You don't need a diagnosis, permission or a complicated support plan to accommodate yourself. The first step is identifying your needs (arguably the hardest part!). Once you know what you need, sometimes it's as simple as finding a workaround, changing the way you approach a task, or giving yourself permission to do things differently.

We asked you, our listeners, to share the accommodations you've made in your own lives, and the responses are full of clever, practical and simple ideas that you might want to steal for yourself!

P.S. We end up talking about pleasure and intimate relationships towards the end of this episode – so, beware of little ears who might be listening!

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Do you ever finally build up the motivation to do a task you've been delaying for a while, only to be stumped by an unexpected roadblock in the first five minutes? Does your brain find it difficult to change contexts? In this episode we discuss why it is SO hard to just do the thing sometimes, and why can one tiny roadblock completely derail your entire day.

We're talking inertia, context switching and the experience of finally getting into a task, only to have something go wrong and suddenly be unable to do literally anything else. We discuss the combination of autistic intertia, ADHD executive function and how this can be hugely challenging as an AuDHDer.

Even though it might look like you're procrastinating, underneath the surface, there's often more going on.

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Forgotten subscriptions, late fees, food rotting in the fridge, buying things you already own, and paying $40 for takeaway because cooking feels like an Olympic sport - those are just a few examples of the colloquial ADHD tax - all the extra money we end up spending because our brains work a little differently.

In this episode, we unpack the financial consequences of ADHD, from impulsive purchases and procrastination to time blindness, executive dysfunction and the cost of convenience.

We share our own ADHD tax moments, explore the shame that can come with money struggles, and also share your ADHD experiences (join our Reddit to be part of the conversation!)

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Money is hard for everyone, but add ADHD and autism into the mix and it can feel like being thrown around a washing machine.

In this episode, Ellie and Paige chat about our volatile relationships with money: the freelance feast-or-famine cycle, impulse spending, hoarding out of fear, and the shame that follows.

We talk about:

• Why so many people are struggling more than social media shows, and the “broke to look rich” effect
• How ADHD affects money: impulse control, executive function, time blindness and bill paralysis
• Why we hate direct debits, how budgets and spreadsheets don't often help us, and the shame spiral that follows
• Childhood spending habits (the impulsive spender vs. the fearful hoarder)
• Why financial literacy was never taught, and how Simran Kaur’s Friends That Invest made investing feel less intimidating
• How medication changed our relationship with impulse buying
• Practical ideas: a 24-hour cart rule, keeping your own money in a shared relationship, and valuing time and autonomy over a big bank balance

There are no quick fixes here, just a reminder that you’re not alone and not bad with money because you’re a bad person. Next wee we chat about the "ADHD tax"!

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In this week’s episode, we start with a listener who posted in our Reddit about their vivid dreams. We chat about dreams and our relationship with them - before getting into our main topic: self-talk before and after diagnosis, and why it matters.

We’re talking self-esteem, the impact of all those tiny, everyday rejections, and how they can add up over time - especially when you’re autistic or ADHD and don’t yet know it.

We look at how diagnosis has changed the way we understand our brains and our behaviour, but most importantly, how it’s changed the way we talk to ourselves.

Because sometimes the biggest change after an AuDHD diagnosis isn’t what you do differently, or even the medication you might be prescribed. Sometimes, it’s simply having the knowledge to understand yourself and be kinder to yourself.

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In this episode, we go back in time and try to remember what our childhood bedrooms looked like - and what they might have been showing us in hindsight!

Our Mum, Karen, also joins us with her memories to see whether her recollection matches ours. Plus, we hear from you about your childhood bedrooms, and it turns out there are some pretty interesting patterns and themes.

Near the beginning of the episode, we also have a little message for anyone whose parents might be struggling to understand or accept their late diagnosis. If it resonates with you and your experience, perhaps send it to someone who might need to hear it.

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Paige was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome as a child, and we've never really heard her share her story on this podcast. So we thought it'd be a great time to learn a little bit more about Tourette's in this episode! We bust some myths and stereotypes, learn more about what a 'tic' actually is, what they feel like and whether they can be suppressed, what treatments are available and we hear from Paige about her lived experience and the mental and physical cost Tourette's has had on her.

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Trigger warning: this episode talks about self harm, as well as somber chats with regard to loss and grief that could be upsetting for some.

In this episode, Ellie and Paige chat about grief and loss after a listener wrote in currently navigating grief as an AuDHDer. We speak about our own experiences with grief, "unhealthy" ways we dealt with it, and whether we think ADHD and autistic people have a harder time with grief compared to the general population. Ellie also brings a study that explores grief in different neurotypes (Understanding the Neurodiversity of Grief, Mair et.al).

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Our Mum Karen joins us again to share her experiences bringing on bringing us up as undiagnosed kids - and managing our Dad who was also undiagnosed - leading to an absolute mad-house! Mum opens up about what she'd do differently, how Dad's ADHD diagnosis kicked off a domino effect through the whole family, and what it's meant for her to watch us finally understand ourselves. She shares how tough it was trying to get help for Paige, getting no answers and Paige reflects on how those experiences impacted her and her self esteem. We get a little emotional in this one, and we hope it helps other families feel less alone.

LINKTREE

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Our beautiful Mum, Karen, joins Ellie and Paige for this week’s episode!

We get to know her a little better, from what she was like growing up to her memories of raising two very different kids.

We talk about what we were like at home vs. at school, just how different we were (literally chalk and cheese!), the things Mum noticed (and the things she didn’t) and why Ellie in particular managed to fly so far under the radar.

And this is only part one! Next week, Mum joins us again to dive deeper into what, if anything, she would have done differently, how her perspective has changed since our diagnoses, and her experiences trying to support Paige and being dismissed by the medical system.

Also, there's one week left to order your WTF Journal and be part of our Founding Member launch. Get yours here - wtfjournals.com

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In this episode, we continue our conversation with Kate Manihera (aka DJ "Sexy Kate") - a late-diagnosed autistic/ADHD content creator, model, and DJ based in Aotearoa, New Zealand.

After years of high-masking and high-achieving - from beauty influencing to a corporate career in Māori cultural strategy and organisational development - Kate's diagnoses in her late 20s sparked a full life reset: leaving her job, working through burnout, and rebuilding her career around what actually lights her up.

Kate talks about navigating previous romantic relationships and what she's learnt about herself since. She also discusses the Māori concepts of aroreretini (ADHD) and takiwātanga (autism), which reframe neurodivergence as difference rather than deficit.

Follow her at @katemanihera on Instagram, or check out her DJ sets on SoundCloud.

The pre-order window is still open to purchase one of our WTF Journals as well! https://wtfjournals.com

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On today's episode, Ellie and Paige speak with Kate Manihera - a New Zealand-based content creator, DJ, model, and former makeup artist/beauty YouTuber who was diagnosed with ADHD at 26 and autism at 27.

Since her late diagnosis, she's brought awareness and education around late-diagnosed ADHD and autism through content creation, alongside her modelling and an emerging DJ career! Kate chats about how she came to diagnosis, misdiagnoses she received, socially struggling (but appearing capable), masking and bullying, and Kate also shares helpful insight into her medication journey.

Kate is Māori (an indigenous person of Aotearoa/New Zealand), and therefore brings a perspective the podcast hasn't featured before. We chat about masking, burnout, being "too much" and misunderstood, and learning to unmask and trust her authentic self. Next week, Kate joins us again to chat about relationships, managing her life and career and gives more insight into the Māori definitions of Autism and ADHD.

We're so grateful for Kate's time and kōrero (conversation) - if you want to follow Kate, follow her HERE.

Also, WTF Journals are now live! Well, the pre-order window anyway. Order now from https://wtfjournals.com - the pre-order window is open for three weeks.

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In this week's episode, Ellie and Paige answer a listener question about medication and their experience with Fluoxetine, we discuss an upcoming ADHD documentary and Paige highlights one of her fave journal inserts coming out next week.

Some more context on the upcoming documentary - a couple of weeks ago Channel 4 announced a new ADHD documentary is in production and our first instincts solely based on the title were... uncomfortable? It's called The Great ADHD Myth?' and we thought it was important to have a nuanced discussion about this, based on what we know so far.

The Great ADHD Myth? asks whether ADHD is actually a neurodevelopmental condition - or whether modern life is creating the behaviours we call ADHD. We chat about the questions the NHS Psychiatrist will be investigating in the documentary, whether we think, these will be helpful or harmful and discuss missed opportunities we think the content might be issing.

Full disclosure; the documentary isn't out yet, so we're only able to base our chats on what we know from the above article, but we feel that even the article is purposely inflammatory and could be harmful, which is frustrating when we've spent years trying to remove so much stigma.

Also, we're one week out from launching our journals - sign up before Tuesday 18th to become a Founding Member if you choose to purchase! https://wtfjournals.com/signup

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Ellie loves an infodump and today she's gone on a deep dive about the history of ADHD. Ever wondered when it was first mentioned in literature? Or why it became a 'disorder' in modern day society? Did ADHD always exist, or has it just become a 'thing' in the last 100 years?

ADHD might feel like a modern diagnosis, but the traits we associate with it have been described for centuries - from early descriptions of attention and hyperactivity, to the diagnosis entering the DSM, and the question of what ADHD might have looked like before modern society. We explore theories that some ADHD traits may have been advantageous in certain environments, and discuss that perhaps the manifestation of ADHD is heavily influenced by a mismatch between brains and the world we're living in.

Check out Dr. Russell Barkley's YouTube Channel

Citation #1: Dan TA Eisenberg, Benjamin Campbell, Peter B Gray, Michael D Sorenson - An exploration of nutrition indices among nomadic and recently settled Ariaal men of northern Kenya

Citation #2: David L. Barack et. al - Attention deficits linked with proclivity to explore while foraging

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Why is it that we can be incredibly capable, creative and motivated, but somehow struggle to organise our own lives? We've spent our whole lives trying to create routines, stick to planners, build systems and pretty much everytime, we abandon them, forget about them, or decide we've failed the moment we miss a day. This has led to years of shame, low self esteem, burnout - you name it!

In this episode, we talk about our experiences with executive dysfunction, and reveal why sometimes we're just lacking the flint to our fire - once the fire is going, we can find momentum, but the systems in today's world aren't kind to our brains. We unpack why traditional systems can be so difficult for AuDHD brains - and why sometimes, we don't need more discipline - w just need the right flint to get the fire started.

After years of struggling, we've created our own customisable journal system and we're hoping it helps you too!

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Stress affects everyone, but sometimes we don't always become aware of it until it's too late.

In this episode, Ellie and Paige talk about their experiences with stress and how they've learnt to look for physical signs early. The body and mind are super connected, but Westernised medicine generally doesn't approach this holistic ideology, leading to a disconnect between your thoughts and feelings, and what your body is trying to say.

After Ellie's body recently burnt out, she's trying to learn how to identify it earlier and encourage others to listen to their bodies too. We ask our listeners how stress manifests physically in them, and there are a lot of clear themes that come up. Hopefully this episode will help you identify early signs of stress, be kinder to yourself and not always feel you have to "push through".

Join the conversation by joining our Reddit!

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This week, we've swapped places and now Paige has been sick! So in the spirit of accommodating ourselves, but still providing you with some fun, we're continuing to answer your questions.

We chat about light-hearted subjects like our star signs, to giving our opinions on disclosing your diagnosis to healthcare professionals and potential employers. We discuss how we balance our lives to avoid burnout (spoiler alert: we're still workjing on it) we finally reveal "the hill we will die on".

Thanks for your patience as we both get back to full health - we'll be back with a proper episode next week!

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Full disclosure - Ellie is super sick this week and because we self-produce this, we needed an accessible, low-effort topic, that would still be interesting to you - so we opened up your questions!

Did we used to fight as kids? What are we watching at the moment? Our go-to meals? What is our fave part of being AuDHD? And more!

Join our Reddit to participate in future conversations with us.

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We have both struggled with clothing for our entire life - it's a double-prong of sensory icks and societal expectations that really drive us up the wall. For many neurodivergent people, clothes can be a daily sensory battle, so in this episode, we chat about our favourite "safe clothes", why certain fabrics make us want to crawl out of our skin, the emotional side of getting dressed, the societal expectations of gender-based dressing and general social decorum, and why comfort should always win over fashion!

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CONTENT DISCLAIMER: This episode contains discussions about sex, intimacy, masking, consent, and unwanted sexual experiences. Please listen with caution. It also contains some EXPLICIT language, so be mindful of younger ears.

This week we're discussing a topic that many people experience but rarely talk about: masking during sex and intimacy.

After receiving a vulnerable email from a listener who described feeling like they were performing through every sexual experience, we wanted to explore the complicated relationship between masking, people-pleasing, sensory experiences, expectations, and intimacy.

We talk about our own experiences growing up as women, the messages we received about sex and relationships, and how being neurodivergent can sometimes make it difficult to identify, communicate, and prioritise our own needs. We also discuss the difference between wanting something and feeling like you should want it, as well as the exhaustion that can come from constantly performing for others.

As always, we're sharing personal experiences and listener stories rather than diagnostic criteria, and we recognise that everyone's relationship with sex and intimacy is different.

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