The Terri Cole Show

Why do we keep repeating the same relationship patterns, even when we know better? In this episode, bestselling author Sabrina Zohar joins me to unpack why we confuse chemistry with compatibility, how childhood wounds shape our relationships, and what it really takes to break the cycle. Get the full show notes at https://terricole.com/872

Let's say you have a rough interaction with someone, a disappointing outcome, or you get bad news–what do you do to help yourself feel better?

Do you have a couple of drinks? Maybe smoke a little weed? Or eat a tub of ice cream? No judgment here, but I want to invite you to think about it because many of us confuse self-numbing with self-soothing.

In this episode, you'll learn my favorite self-soothing tips, healthy ways to support your nervous system and emotional wellbeing, plus how to create your own self-soothing and stress relief toolkit.

Learning how to effectively self-soothe can be life-changing!

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/396

Do you find that you attach unusually quickly to people, whether in friendships or romantic relationships? Do you stay in relationships that you know are bad for you because the thought of being alone scares you more than staying in a bad relationship? Or do you repeatedly find yourself in relationships with unavailable people? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might have abandonment issues. In this episode, I'm helping you recognize the signs of abandonment issues in adult relationships and reviewing the most common causes of chronic fear of abandonment.

Find the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/374

Are you a nice person?

Do you think it's possible to be too nice? Or that wanting to be nice is an excuse some high-functioning codependents hide behind to avoid conflict?

In my personal and professional experience, it is possible to be too nice, and it's not great for your relationships.

In this episode, we'll explore what it means to be nice, what being too nice looks like, why it matters, and how to shift your behavior to authentic niceness.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/714

Do you ever feel responsible for the feelings of others? Do you overgive and overfunction? Do you suffer from chronic indecision? If any of those things resonate, today's episode is for you. I am going to share with you five signs that your emotional boundaries need help.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/853

When you're upset with someone about something, do you:

Say nothing, but silently keep score?

Talk to other people about it?

Ice the person out?

Send them a passive-aggressive or sarcastic text?

If any of those rang a bell, you are not alone which is why in this week's episode, I'm breaking down the top 10 indicators that you might be suppressing and/or unconsciously repressing your anger.

Raising your awareness around when you might be acting out feelings of frustration or anger is the first step to expressing yourself in a healthier way. I promise you, learning these skills will improve all of your relationships, including the one you have with yourself.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/354

Have you ever been in an argument with someone and before the end of the argument, even though they have done something quite egregious, you find yourself apologizing?

Have you ever been in a heated exchange with someone and they straight up deny the thing you know they did? This could sound like, "What are you talking about?"; "I never said/did that."; or, "I'm worried about you."

If you are nodding your head yes, then you are in luck because in today's episode of The Terri Cole Show, this is exactly what I'm addressing. Emotional manipulation is real, people! The more you know about it, the less you will fall victim to it. I'm teaching you all about Boundary Destroyers and their tactics so you can effectively protect yourself.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/313

Are you confused about what it means to be codependent? Do you ever wonder what codependency looks like in practice?

If you're nodding your head yes, that's understandable. In my experience, there is often confusion around the topic of codependency, with a ton of misconceptions and a plethora of myths clouding up what it looks like in real life.

In today's episode, I'm delivering rock-solid clarity about what codependency is by showing you what it's not. Ready for some major myth-busting?! Let's go!

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/349

"Is she entitled? Or have you just been serving yourself up on a platter?"

My therapist asked me that years ago, while I was mid-rant about a friend who kept asking me for favors. It stopped me cold, and it changed how I understood my own patterns.

If you're the one who says "I got it" before anyone finishes asking, who anticipates everyone's needs, who lies awake wondering if you came off as selfish, this episode is for you.

It's part one of a two-part series on boundaries and high functioning codependency, and I'm breaking down why boundaries are so hard for those of us who over-give, auto-accommodate, and self-sacrifice on autopilot.

You'll learn what boundaries are made of (your preferences, desires, limits, and deal breakers), how HFC traits create disordered boundaries, and why healthy boundaries are the bridge to the relationships you want.

Ready for the scripts? Part two, with word-for-word boundary scenarios, is at terricole.com/718.

This episode is part of our Best of The Terri Cole Show summer series: the most-requested episodes of the show, back to back, while new episodes are in the works for fall.

Get the free assessment guide for this episode: terricole.com/guide Listen to part two: https://terricole.com/718 Find out where you stand with boundaries: https://boundaryquiz.com

Last week, we talked about what emotional insecurity looks like, the patterns that tell you safety is missing in a relationship. This week is about what comes next: what actually creates emotional safety.

Emotionally safe relationships do not just happen by accident.

They are built through small, consistent behaviors over time. Trust, respect, honesty, and repair are skills, not lucky outcomes.

Here are six things you can practice to build more emotional safety in the relationships that matter most to you.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/843

Have you ever achieved your biggest goals only to end up feeling completely exhausted, lonely, and burnt out?

In this episode, I'm sitting down with my soul-sister and nervous system regulation expert, Koya Webb, to unpack the hidden trap of high-functioning codependency and people-pleasing. Koya opens up about her raw "dark night of the soul" moment—crying in a bathtub after hosting a massively successful 8,000-person event—and how it forced her to stop self-abandoning and start truly healing.

Whether you are a super-empath, a highly sensitive person (HSP), or just someone running on empty, this conversation will give you the exact science-backed daily rituals you need to reset your nervous system, build deep community, and reclaim your personal sovereignty.

We dive deep into Koya's brand new book, "Well Being Rituals: Science-Backed Practices for Sustainable Healing and Living," exploring the 7 levels of holistic well-being you can start practicing today. It's time to stop giving from an empty bucket!

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/842

Last week, we talked about what emotional insecurity looks like, the patterns that tell you safety is missing in a relationship. This week is about what comes next: what actually creates emotional safety.

Emotionally safe relationships do not just happen by accident.

They are built through small, consistent behaviors over time. Trust, respect, honesty, and repair are skills, not lucky outcomes.

Here are six things you can practice to build more emotional safety in the relationships that matter most to you.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/841

If you've been carrying anger, disappointment, guilt, or emotional baggage, this episode offers a powerful new perspective on healing, peace, and personal growth.

In this conversation with Danielle LaPorte, we explore why emotional healing starts with compassion instead of control. We talk about resentment, rejection, gratitude, forgiveness, emotional resilience, and the surprising connection between creating the life you want and releasing what no longer serves you.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/840

I am obsessed with emotional intelligence. It is something I have always done naturally without knowing what it was called.

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, measures your capacity to understand, perceive, and manage emotions, your own and other people's.

While IQ measures cognitive and logical ability, EQ measures your capacity for interpersonal success. Higher emotional intelligence is linked to better stress management, more satisfying relationships, and greater leadership potential at work.

The eight traits in this episode are how higher EQ shows up in real life, and they are all skills you can practice to raise yours at any age.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/839

Stop falling into the anxious-avoidant attachment trap. In this episode, learn how to build a healthy relationship and experience corrective love. Today, I'm sitting down for a deeply personal, raw, and honest conversation with my longtime friend John Kim (aka The Angry Therapist) to discuss his brand new book, Love Hard on Purpose: Toss the Blueprints, Build Something Honest.

We are stripping away the fairytale narratives and diving into what it actually takes to build a secure relationship from scratch. John opens up about his heavy heart following a recent relationship rupture, how losing his home in the Altadena fires completely transformed his identity, and his own realization about childhood mother wounds and shadow addictions. I also share my own journey healing a father wound and breaking free from high-functioning codependency.

Whether you are single on purpose or trying to navigate a long-term partnership, this episode will show you how to move past the trauma breakers and rewire your body to accept a calm, healthy, and deeply intimate love.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/838

A lot of what gets called "setting a boundary" out on the internet and in real life isn't a boundary at all.

Boundaries are not punishment.

They are not a lever for controlling other people.

They are not what you do when someone makes you mad.

I wrote a whole book about this called Boundary Boss, and the definition is simple. Your boundaries are your preferences, your desires, your limits, and your deal breakers, plus your ability to communicate them. That is the whole thing.

Misnaming a boundary does not just sound wrong; it makes the work harder. When you call a threat a boundary, communication has become confusing, and you may keep fighting about the same things on a loop.

Here are the five most common boundary impostors.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/837

"It's fine." "I got it." "Don't worry about me." "I'll figure it out."

If you say one of these without thinking, several times a day, this episode is for you. These are the phrases that keep us stuck in high-functioning codependent behavior, and they sound generous. But there is an invisibility to what we are doing, and a cost.

These automatic behaviors are a nervous system response, habituated over years. As high-functioning codependents (HFCs), we react before we think, the moment a problem comes up. Learning to pause is the intervention. That moment before you say I got it is where the work happens, because on autopilot it is hard to change what comes out of your mouth.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/835

Ever felt ignored, dismissed, or completely rushed by your doctor? In this episode, OB-GYN physician assistant and medical advocate Nikki Sapiro Vincier exposes the systemic flaws inside reproductive healthcare—and shares exactly how you can take control of your medical care today.

I sat down with Nikki to unpack the disturbing reality of medical gaslighting, why it takes an average of 7 to 10 years to get an endometriosis diagnosis, and why "breaking up with your doctor" might actually save your life. Whether you are navigating the gaps in postpartum care, trying to survive perimenopause, or just trying to get a straight answer from your clinician, Nikki provides the ultimate step-by-step guide to triaging your own symptoms, gathering your "receipts," and demanding the care you deserve.

It's time to stop passively existing in a system that wasn't built to serve you.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/834

Do you know what you need? Not what your kids need, or what your partner needs, or what your team at work needs. What you need.

In my therapy practice, when I ask high-functioning women what they need for the coming week, many of them either freeze or hand me a list of responsibilities. Things they have to get done. These things are not the same thing.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/833

Have you ever found yourself paralyzed by a major life decision, desperately wishing you just had the right answer?

In this episode of the show, I sit down with author and journalist Simone Stolzoff to dive into a topic we all struggle with: our deep aversion to the unknown. Simone shares the inspiration behind his latest book, How to Not Know: The Value of Uncertainty in a World That Demands Answers, and breaks down how our hyper-connected world has ruined our ability to sit with ambiguity.

If you're tired of overthinking, catastrophizing, or trying to control the future, this episode is exactly what you need to expand your window of tolerance and reclaim your peace.

Read the show notes for today's episode at http://terricole.com/832