The Unapologetic Man Podcast: Gay Man's Coaching & Personal Development

Plenty of successful gay men can say no all day at work and still fold the moment a certain friend or family member pushes back. They say yes, lie awake at 2am asking why, and slowly build resentment until they quietly drift out of the friendship rather than have the conversation.

Keegan calls this the disappointment threshold, one of the five areas he works on with clients in Unapologetic Man. He traces it back to growing up feeling you had to keep the peace to stay safe, and explains why that old framework keeps running the show long after you’ve built the career and the house. His argument is that your attention is the only resource you really have, and how much you can let people down decides how much of it you get to keep.

He shares a client who went from always staying behind to stack the chairs to walking out without a flicker of guilt, talks about stepping back from his relationship with his mum, and finishes with one small exercise to start building the muscle this week.

What’s covered:

• Why saying no means little if you can’t hold the no when someone pushes back
• Keeping the peace as a survival strategy, and why it outlives its usefulness
• Resentment, 2am overthinking and relationships held together by gratitude
• “If I change, what else has to change?” and why that question keeps people stuck
• The five areas Keegan works on with clients, from reclaiming your no to living it publicly
• Attention as the one resource you can’t get back
• Training your disappointment threshold like a muscle under load
• Where selfish ends and self-respecting begins, and whose voice you hear when you call yourself selfish
• One plain no this week, with no reasons and no hedging

If this is something you want help with, Keegan’s email is in the show notes.

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community:
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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com
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Plenty of the men Keegan coaches can lead a team and have the hard conversation nobody else wants to have. Then they walk into a party or onto a date and become someone else. The joker. The helper. The quiet one in the corner. They go home drained and decide they must be an introvert.

In this episode Keegan argues that confidence is competence, and competence comes from reps. You’ve done thousands at work and almost none anywhere else, so it makes sense that you feel like a beginner. He talks about going from rugby captain to a newly out gay man with no dating experience, from dreading his first public speaking gig to TED Talks and stages at Manchester United, Microsoft and Barclays, and about a client who stepped up to CEO without a second thought but was terrified of setting up a dating profile.

He finishes with a challenge for the week: pick one room where you shrink, drop the act and start small.

What’s covered:

• Why being brilliant at work and shy everywhere else isn’t a confidence problem
• The personas we fall into outside work: the joker, the helper, the quiet one
• Why social exhaustion gets mistaken for introversion
• How only feeling competent at work throws your work-life balance out
• Imposter syndrome as insecurity plus a lack of experience
• Lowering the bar: small, specific actions with a name, a time and a done-by day
• Why avoidance is a habit you’ve reinforced and can break
• How a cohort of clients hit their six-month goals in four
• One small action to take this week, and why you should tell someone about it

Keegan is running a workshop soon on being as confident away from work as you are in it. DM him the word WORKSHOP on Instagram or Facebook to get the link.

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community:
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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com
Click here to subscribe to Keegan's weekly newsletter
For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

You're Allowed to Want More

Most of us learned early that asking for more is greedy. Ungrateful. Selfish. So we soften every statement about what we actually want. We apologise for our own lives. We compare ourselves down to people who have it worse, and we use that as a reason to stay small.

The result: we spend years in situations we hate, we don't ask for what we need, and we feel disconnected from our own lives.

In this episode, Keegan challenges the idea that gratitude and wanting more are opposites. He talks through why comparison is a device people use to silence themselves, where the belief that you shouldn't want anything comes from, and what it costs you to keep pushing that beach ball under the water. He also gives you three things to do this week that will show you exactly that you can be grateful and want things.

What's covered:

• Why "someone else has it worse" is not evidence that you're okay
• The difference between comfort zones and familiarity
• Where you learned that asking for more is a bad thing
• Who benefits from you staying small
• The cost of not speaking what you want (and where it comes out instead)
• An audit to notice how often you soften your own truth
• Two lists that prove gratitude and desire aren't opposites

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community:
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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com
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For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

My pick is the first. It follows the same "concept: why it matters" shape as the Achievement vs Success episode, and it tells the listener exactly what they'll walk away with. The second is the stronger line for a clip.

Description

Nobody Keegan speaks to has room on their plate. Work, relationships, family, the news, a phone that never stops. On top of that, most of us are carrying situations that have dragged on for years because putting up with them feels easier than dealing with the discomfort of changing them.

In this episode Keegan shares the filter he uses himself and passes on to clients whenever they're stuck. Any situation, problem or frustration comes down to three options: change it, accept it, or leave it. There's a fourth that most people default to without realising, which is doing nothing, and Keegan makes the case that it's never a neutral choice. He talks through a client who spent five years on the fence about his job without ever asking to reduce his hours, why gay men so often fear getting it wrong, and why clever, articulate men are usually the best at talking themselves out of action.

What's covered:

• The three choices you have in any situation, and the false fourth one
• Why doing nothing sends a message to other people and to yourself
• "Better the devil you know" as a red flag
• Best little boy in the world syndrome and the fear of being seen to fail
• Why smart people struggle to get out of their own way
• Acceptance as an active choice rather than giving up
• Why nobody needs more information, they need implementation

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community:
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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com
Click here to subscribe to Keegan's weekly newsletter
For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

Keegan breaks down the difference between achievement and success, and why so many men who look like they've made it still feel stuck.

He explains the jackpot problem: hitting every marker you were told would make you happy (the job, the house, the body, the partner) and still waiting to feel it. Achievement is external and tickable. Success is internal, and it's the thing nobody can hand you or take away.

Keegan shares his own experience of lurching from goal to goal, plus what changed after his heart diagnosis. He sets a challenge for listeners: write down everything you've achieved in the last ten years, then everything you've actually enjoyed, and look at how little the two lists overlap.

If you've ever answered "how are you doing?" with a list of accomplishments instead of how you actually feel, this one's for you.

Find and connect with Keegan:

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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com

Click here to subscribe to Keegan's weekly newsletter

For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

Keegan Hirst opens the podcast by defining the thing it's named after. Being unapologetic isn't about never saying sorry, and it isn't about being rude. It's about the man you are behind closed doors being the same man you present to the world.

In this first episode Keegan walks through the five arenas where men apologise for themselves: the body, the voice, the want, the no, and the mask. Then he lays out the path out of it, starting with an honest audit of where you actually are and ending with visibility.

He also makes the case that none of this gets solved by thinking harder. Most of the men Keegan works with are business owners, C-suite leaders, people with real intelligence and a real work ethic. Being smart has never once fixed a doing problem. Identity shifts through action, not analysis.

Your action step this week: subscribe, and block out the time you're going to listen. Car journey, dog walk, wherever it fits.

Find and connect with Keegan:

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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com

Click here to subscribe to Keegan's weekly newsletter

For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

Anthony Dunford has been with Keegan for six years, since before GMC was called GMC and back when the weekly call sometimes had two people on it. He's one of three clients still standing from that first cohort.

In 2019 Anthony was 47, a teacher who had been in the same school for over twenty years, still closeted, with a career that had stalled and a mum who had just started with dementia. Then he paid off his mortgage. He talks here about opening the letter on a grey October afternoon and feeling nothing at all, no glitter, nobody in the house, just a line from Death of a Salesman going round his head about spending twenty five years paying for a place with nobody left to live in it. That was the moment he thought the rest of his life was going to be spent on the sofa.

He's 53 now. New job after three decades in the same building, a promotion to senior teacher at a sixth form college, a Pride badge on his lapel and a beach holiday booked for August. The thing he wouldn't have booked before.

Keegan and Anthony go back through how that actually happened, and Anthony is honest that most of it came down to two things: deciding to be deliberate rather than passive, and eventually working out that a room full of GMC members is not a room he needs to escape from. He describes scanning the first London event for a seat by the window so he could flip the chair and be out through it before anyone noticed.

What's covered:

• The moment paying off a mortgage felt like an ending rather than an achievement
• Why being deliberate matters more than being motivated
• The interview Anthony talked himself into by saying "you deserve this" in a bathroom mirror
• Why the ceiling you think you've hit is usually just the highest point you've reached so far
• What Anthony would say to guys who don't think they're a community person
• Taking what you need from GMC and leaving the rest, the room of requirements approach
• What he's still working on at 53

The Cornwall retreat is coming up in August and there are still a small number of spots. Three nights, breathwork, yoga, training outdoors, a private chef and twenty other men doing similar work on themselves. If you've been sat on the fence about it, this episode is a decent argument for getting off it. Email support@gmanscoaching.com

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community:

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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com

Click here to subscribe to Keegan's weekly newsletter

For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

This week Keegan draws a line most people never think to draw: the difference between building a life and running from yourself.

He's honest that this isn't an anti-optimisation episode. He tracks his macros, he trains, he loves a system, and he'll defend all of that. But there's a tipping point most high performers miss, the moment optimising your life quietly turns into optimising your worth. That's when a day off stops feeling like recovery and starts feeling like falling behind.

Keegan connects this directly to gay men specifically: growing up needing to earn love, respect and acceptance builds an armour where achievement becomes currency and being exceptional feels like the only route to being acceptable. He unpacks why that drive so often gets mistaken for ambition, and why chasing it without rest just keeps you proving you're enough rather than actually living.

What's covered:

• The difference between optimising your life and optimising your self-worth
• Why standards matter, and why your quality of life is tied to the standards you actually live by
• Why gay men in particular fall into the overachiever trap, and where that pattern usually starts
• Why you get stronger in recovery, not in the session
• Why achieving the thing rarely feels like enough, and what that cycle actually costs you
• Permission to rest without earning it first

One spot left on the Cornwall retreat this August. Three nights, twenty other men on a similar journey, breathwork, good food, real conversation. If you've been thinking about it, now's the time. If you'd like to join us, email support@gmanscoaching.com

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community:

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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com

Click here to subscribe to Keegan's weekly newsletter

For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

This week's episode is personal. Keegan paid tribute to John, a rugby league coach who shaped not just his career but who he became as a person. John passed away recently, and rather than let those lessons die with him, Keegan's sharing three principles that have fundamentally changed how he coaches, how he built GMC, and how you can approach your own transformation.

The three lessons are simple. Delusional belief in where you're going. Boring, disciplined execution on the basics. And the understanding that there's always another game - so fear of failure doesn't have to paralyse you.

Keegan walks through real stories from his rugby days that show exactly how these work in practice, and connects them back to what he's seeing with GMC members right now. The common thread: champion people aren't built from doing extraordinary things ordinarily well. They're built from doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.

What's covered:

• Belief before evidence: why you need to feel delusional about your destination
• The power of showing up when nobody believes yet (including yourself)
• Playing the percentages: why the sexy plays lose to boring consistency
• There's always another game: how to stop fearing failure
• The story of Sheffield beating Wigan, and why John stayed calm
• What "head in the fridge, heart in the oven" actually means
• How these lessons directly shaped GMC and who Keegan is today

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community:

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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com

Click here to subscribe to Keegan's weekly newsletter

For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

Peadar Hughes is one of our success coaches, and he's exceptional at something most people struggle with: staying consistent when life gets messy.

Here's the thing: most people know what to do. Train, eat well, get steps in. The problem isn't knowledge. It's staying consistent when work gets mad, when perfectionism creeps in, when one bad day becomes a reason to give up entirely.

Peadar specialises in helping clients navigate that gap. In this episode, he and Keegan dig into the patterns he's seeing with over 40 clients - the ones that keep people stuck, the ones that set them free, and the surprisingly small habits that create big ripples of change.

What's covered:

• Why people won't celebrate their wins
• Perfection paralysis: the "100 club" trap
• How 80% consistency over time beats 100% for a sprint
• Identity shifts and becoming the person who gets it done
• Nice coaching vs. letting people off the hook
• Small habits with massive impact (journaling, the 30-minute delay)
• Why your coach needs to live what they teach
• Building confidence through follow-through
• Three rules to live by for the next seven days

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community:

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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com

Click here to subscribe to Keegan's weekly newsletter

For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

A lot of gay coaching is built around healing shame. Keegan isn't here to say that's wrong.

Shame is real. The stuff that gets wired into us growing up as gay men in a straight world, learning to hide, learning we're different, that's not invented. It matters. It needs acknowledging and working through.

But there's a version of gay personal development that becomes a waiting room. You sit in it processing your childhood, doing the inner work, and you wait until you're fixed enough to actually live your life. This episode is about why that waiting room is a comfortable trap.

The argument Keegan makes is a simple one: you don't heal your way into a good life. You build your way into one. Confidence isn't buried in your past waiting to be dug up. You earn it by doing hard things, building a body you're proud of, doing work that means something, being in relationships that actually challenge you. As you build those things, the old shame quietly loses its grip.

Inner work has a place. But it earns that place when you pair it with specific action. Otherwise it's just rumination with a fancy word.

What's covered:

• The difference between processing shame and hiding behind it
• Why healing becomes an identity with no finish line for a lot of gay men
• Confidence as something you build, not something you unearth
• Why you can't think your way out of a doing problem
• How to out-build shame rather than just sit with it
• What this looks like inside GMC

Also in this episode: a look ahead to the Unapologetic Man Live event in London this Saturday (20th June), the Cornwall retreat, and the Montreal MAD deposit deadline at the end of June. Wnat to join us at one of our upcoming events? Email Keegan on keegan@gmanscoaching.com

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community:

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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com

Click here to subscribe to Keegan's weekly newsletter

For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

Greg is a senior tech leader who spent 30 years climbing the ladder. Good salary, senior position, stability - all the external markers of success. At 50, approaching what he thought would be his peak, he had one major problem: he didn't actually like his life.

He joined GMC thinking he needed to sort his body out - get fit before it was too late. What he discovered was that the physical stuff was never the real problem. It was a symptom. The real issue ran deeper: limiting beliefs about who he was, what he deserved, and what was possible for him. A lifetime of staying small, masking, and convincing himself that this was just how things had to be.

In this episode, Greg and Keegan dig into how one journey (fitness) unlocked another (career purpose and identity), why community is often what high-achieving men are actually missing, and what happens when you stop asking "what's expected of me?" and start asking "what do I actually want?"

What's covered:

• Why success can feel hollow if it's built on shame and masking
• How limiting beliefs keep smart, accomplished people trapped for decades
• The connection between physical transformation and identity work
• What it takes to pivot your career after 30 years
• Legacy thinking and why giving back changes everything
• Building confidence from 1/10 to 7/10 in 18 months

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community:

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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com

Click here to subscribe to Keegan's weekly newsletter

For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

Matt Print has been coaching for 15 years. He came into fitness sideways, through a breakup and a Zumba class at the back of a studio, then a second breakup that got him lifting properly. He lost four stone and kept it off without obsessive tracking or rigid rules, which shaped everything about how he coaches now.

In this episode Matt and Keegan get into what actually draws gay men to coaching, what keeps them stuck, and why the fear of letting your coach down is one of the most destructive patterns in a coaching relationship. Matt is honest about his own journey, including the part where he used to wear "you don't look gay" as a badge of honour and now sees it for exactly what it was.

What's covered:

• Why community, specifically gay community, matters more than most gay men will admit
• The perfectionism trap: why clients go quiet exactly when they should be leaning in
• Engineering your environment so consistency isn't a willpower battle
• What's different about coaching gay men, and why having straight coaches in the mix matters too
• The old belief that no longer fits the evidence, and what to do when you notice the gap

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community:

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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com

Click here to subscribe to Keegan's weekly newsletter

For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

When Dan first contacted Keegan in 2020, he was a senior leader at a school eating Greggs 27 days out of 31, drinking way too much, and wondering if he wanted to be here at all. Six years later he's 10 stone lighter, runs marathons, has rebuilt his career around his life rather than the other way round, and has just completed prep for a photo shoot weeks before he turns 40!

In this episode Dan and Keegan walk through the process of the rebuild. Not just the highlight reel. The bit where Dan had to learn that 30 seconds of running was a starting point, that 'plan your week' was a foreign concept, and that the small stuff (water, sleep, getting up on the first alarm) was what changed everything. They also talk about what hasn't gone away: the self-talk, the stress, the days that aren't full of rainbows.

What's covered:

• Why 'I can do hard things' is the belief everything else gets built on
• The low-hanging fruit Dan started with, and why crash plans never stick
• Work pressure, boundaries, and the slow move from people-pleasing to saying no
• The voice that still tells Dan he's not enough, and what he does with it now
• Why success leaves clues, and how to use that when motivation isn't there

Find and connect with Keegan and the GMC Community:

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Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com

Click here to subscribe to Keegan's weekly newsletter

For more behind the scenes content about Keegan and GMC, watch him on YouTube

Keegan's recording this one from the car, driving back from LA, fresh off a GMC weekend that included photoshoots, high rope climbs at UCLA, and conversations he's thinking about on the way home.

The big one: why so many people feel like nothing they do actually matters. Not just in life generally, but in their own life. Their own body. Their own future. And how that feeling doesn't come from nowhere. It's fed to us constantly, by algorithms, by the news, by the general atmosphere of the world right now.

Ross came into GMC hating mirrors. Hated having his photo taken. Felt completely stuck in a job that was grinding him down. This weekend he did a photoshoot in California. Keegan uses his story to make a point he feels strongly about: GMC didn't do that. Ross did. That distinction matters more than it sounds.

He also gets into what coaching actually is and what it isn't. Why being nice and being supportive are not the same thing. Why there's no programme on earth that works for everyone the same way. And why he will argue until he's blue in the face that nobody is too far gone to change.

You can out more about Gay Man's Coaching and find Keegan here:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/keeganhirst

GMC Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gaymanscoaching

Email: keegan@gmanscoaching.com

Website: gaymanscoaching.com

Subscribe to newsletter: https://gaymanscoaching.com/subscribe/

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@thekeeganhirst

This week Keegan sits down with GMC client Lee Brooks, a 44-year-old finance director from the Southeast of England, who joined GMC at the lowest entry point and completely turned his life around.

In under a year, Lee has lost 15kg, gone self-employed, is hitting his best billing months on record, and has done the internal work to match the external changes. He came in dealing with a divorce, a new health diagnosis, and a deep belief that he simply wasn't good enough. He leaves this conversation as someone who barely recognises the man he used to be.

They get into what it actually takes to make changes that stick, why implementation beats motivation every time, how working with GMC psychotherapist Jon Bell changed things for Lee in ways he didn't expect, and the three bits of advice he'd give to himself this time last year.

If you've ever done the boom and bust thing, tried to go all in and ended up back at square one, this one's for you.

Stay safe, look after yourselves, and don't eat and drink at the expense of how you want to look and feel.

If today's episode resonated with you, here's how to find out if GMC is the right fit.

Gay Man's Coaching is a premium coaching programme built specifically for gay men who want to transform their lives, not just their bodies. Our members lose weight, build muscle and get in the best shape of their lives. But the changes that mean the most go beyond the physical. Careers shift. Confidence grows. Relationships improve. The way they talk to themselves changes. It's a complete overhaul, done properly, with the right support around you.

You get two dedicated coaches, a private community of like-minded men, weekly workshops, access to the GMC psychotherapist team and Keegan himself in your corner throughout.

If you want to know more, the best first step is a conversation. No pressure, no hard sell. Just a good chat about where you're at and whether GMC can help.

Email Keegan directly at keegan@gmanscoaching.com or reach out on Instagram. You can find Keegan on Instagram as @keeganhirst and GMC at @gaymanscoaching, or tap the link below to open a chat straight away.

Chat with us here!

In this episode, Keegan sits down with Chris, GMC's Head of Performance and one of his oldest friends. Chris shares his powerful journey from professional rugby to recovery, and why his dad's story became the catalyst for his work at GMC.

They explore the real coaching principles that create lasting transformation: meeting clients where they're at, empathy over perfection, and the power of being "in the trenches" alongside the people you're helping. Chris opens up about his own sobriety, how to recognise mental health challenges in clients, and why isolation is often the biggest roadblock to progress.

If you're struggling, have tried everything, or feel like you're stuck, this episode offers practical wisdom on small, consistent steps and why the right community changes everything.

A must-listen for anyone ready to do the real work.

Are you constantly rushing through life waiting for the next big thing? The promotion, the relationship, the milestone? Keegan gets real about our obsession with speed and efficiency, and why the mundane Tuesday mornings matter more than you think.

In this episode, Keegan breaks down why we're all in such a hurry to get nowhere, the difference between ambition and anxiety, and why joy isn't found in fireworks but in presence. From clicking the fast forward button on life to learning what really counts when you zoom out, this one will make you rethink how you're spending your days.

Key takeaways:

• Why rushing is costing you your actual life
• The truth about growth (spoiler: trees don't measure progress daily)
• How to find meaning in the ordinary moments
• A simple practice to bring presence back into your routine

Owain joined GMC a few years ago at his lowest point. After a medical misdiagnosis led to major surgery, he spiraled into depression, anger, and blame. He was stuck in a victim mentality, radiating rage at the world around him.

In this episode, Owain shares how he rebuilt his identity from the ground up. We talk about the uncomfortable truths he had to face, the toolkit he built to manage his mental health, and how he went from being unable to visualise a future to confidently tackling challenges he never thought possible.

This conversation gets into the practical side of transformation. How do you actually build a new identity? What does it look like day to day? And how do you move from thinking too much to doing enough?

If you've ever felt stuck in circumstances beyond your control, or found yourself blaming the world for where you're at, this episode is for you. Owain proves that with the right support and willingness to do the work, you can completely change the trajectory of your life.

Key topics covered:

• Moving from victim to ownership
• Building awareness of triggers and responses
• Creating a personalized mental health toolkit
• The power of community and shared purpose
• Learning to believe you can do hard things

This week, Keegan shares something personal.

Over the past year, he’s been quietly struggling. Days feeling heavy. Isolating. Questioning himself. Eventually, that struggle was given a name.

But this episode isn’t about labels.

It’s about a perspective shift that changed everything:

What if you’re not lacking the things you want… what if you’re blocking them?

So many gay men chase more. More confidence, more love, more money, more peace. But what if the issue isn’t absence? What if it’s the emotional armour, outdated protections, and survival patterns that once kept you safe… but now keep you stuck?

Keegan breaks down:

• Why high-functioning men often feel empty even when life “looks good”
• The hidden ways we block love, connection, health and abundance
• How independence can become avoidance
• Why peace can feel unsafe when chaos is familiar
• The difference between happiness and contentment
• The question that exposes self-sabotage instantly

This is both vulnerable and practical. Personal and direct.

You don’t need to become someone new.

You need to stop protecting yourself from the life you actually want.

If you’re part of GMC, all upcoming event details are in the Hub, including Leeds event this weekend and our upcoming Massive Action Days.

If you’re not part of GMC and want to experience being in a room that challenges you, supports you, and gets you out of your own way, reach out to support@gmanscoaching.com for more information about how you can join.

A rising tide lifts all ships.

See you in the room.