Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse

You’ve tried explaining yourself. You’ve tried having the conversation. But what happens when nothing changes, no matter how carefully you say it?

When you’ve spent so long questioning yourself, it can be difficult to trust your own judgment about what’s happening.

If you’re struggling to make sense of your relationship, take my free Toxic or Troubled? survey to gain some clarity and explore your next steps.

https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/toxic-troubled-survey

Has someone you trusted ever put your life at risk, then acted like it was all in good fun?

In this episode, Kerry sits down with journalist, and former whitewater raft guide Melanie Hamlett to explore why so many men treat danger as entertainment. Together they unpack how male conditioning strips away empathy and why ego and adrenaline override common sense. They also examine why so many women are taught to trust a confident man over their own intuition, even when lives are on the line.

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Mel get honest about the hardest part of healing: owning the ways we vouched for, protected, and stayed with dangerous people.

Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you become a Substack paid subscriber today. Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

Melanie Hamlett is a comedian, journalist, and storyteller based in Lyon, France. Her work has appeared in Harper’s Bazaar, The Washington Post, Glamour, Slate, and The Daily Beast. That includes a viral Harper’s Bazaar piece that has been cited in dozens of podcasts, books, and articles. She’s a multiple-time Moth winner. Before moving into writing and comedy, she spent years as a whitewater raft guide, an Outward Bound wilderness instructor, and a ski instructor. That firsthand experience shapes her work on the hidden dangers women face in the outdoors and in relationships.

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MelanieHamlett

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melhamlett/

00:00 Why river guides flip the raft on purpose

00:36 Meet Melanie Hamlett

04:53 A woman died on my first day as a raft guide

08:58 Don't let a man override your intuition

11:35 My father's dangerous stunts with us kids

14:17 Why do men put women in danger?

18:35 How men are raised to be reckless

22:46 Why women keep taking care of these men

26:09 Why smart women still default to men

28:40 When "toughing it out" nearly kills you

30:40 They call it carnage, like it's fun

36:04 Where to find Melanie

36:48 Coming up in the Podcast Extra

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Have you noticed how the narcissist’s apology never is an apology? How yesterday's fight get rewritten so you’re the villain?

In this episode, Kerry and Lynn Strathdee expose the hidden mechanics behind chronic antagonism. Why some narcissists need ongoing drama to stay in control and to keep you exhausted.

The history-rewriting along with the non-stop crisis cycle are to keep you under control so you’re centering your life around them. It's about supply and control.

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Lynn get practical. Learn how to spot the pattern vs. a one-off bad day. Discover how to protect your energy and plan an exit.

Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you join as a Super Thriver in the Toxic-Free Relationship Club today. Join here — https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLQyhjWUzWrBfoQlC5ZotQ/join

LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism and narcissistic abuse recovery, and former educator helping adults reclaim identity after chronic antagonism.

WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/

00:00 They feed off drama: conflict keeps you in line 00:47 When the fight isn't really about the fight 03:26 Some people feed off conflict 05:11 How the fight-and-make-up cycle builds a trauma bond 08:48 They matter, you don't 09:39 "I felt replaceable" 11:44 Scripted intimacy: the strawberry date 13:47 We walk into relationships hungry 17:22 Why you didn't see it coming 18:37 They want attention, not connection 20:46 When they cast you in a role 25:53 Shadow: why the good stuff is hardest to own 28:11 Preview: rewriting history to dodge the blame

#Narcissist #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #Gaslighting #CovertNarcissist #ToxicRelationships #EmotionalAbuse #TraumaBonding #Boundaries #MentalHealth

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

You’ve tried explaining yourself. You’ve tried having the conversation. But what happens when nothing changes, no matter how carefully you say it?

When you’ve spent so long questioning yourself, it can be difficult to trust your own judgment about what’s happening.

If you’re struggling to make sense of your relationship, take my free Toxic or Troubled? survey to gain some clarity and explore your next steps.

https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/toxic-troubled-survey

Why do the people closest to you seem to pull away right when you need them most? Leaving a toxic relationship doesn’t end the fallout. It changes your relationships with everyone else too. In this episode, Kerry answers two listener questions from recent live streams about what happens after you leave: how to reconnect with adult children who grew up in the chaos, and why friends often struggle to stay close while you heal. In this episode, learn: 1. Why you may still be walking on eggshells around your adult kids, and how to tell real tension from old fear 2. How your silence can read as not caring, and the one honest conversation that can change everything 3. How to apologize for the times trauma kept you from showing up, without needing a certain response back 4. Why “trauma dumping” is actually a normal stage of recovery, and why you may lose friends during it 5. How to handle well-meaning people who say painful things like “at least you knew love” WANT TO GO DEEPER?

In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Lynn get honest about the promise that keeps so many people stuck: “I’ll change for you.” Learn why desperate promises to change vanish the moment the relationship feels secure again.

Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you become a Substack paid subscriber today. Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

00:00 Why people stop listening to your story

01:03 Walking on eggshells with your adult kids

02:38 The hotel room talk with my son

04:08 When your kids picked up narcissistic fleas

05:51 How to apologize to your kids

09:16 The habits we carry from a toxic relationship

10:02 Trauma dumping is a normal part of recovery

12:37 Why people don't want to hear your story

15:12 I lost friends over my story

16:17 "At least you knew love": what not to say

18:15 Some people can't meet you where you are

#NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #NarcissisticAbuse #ToxicRelationship #TraumaBonding #TraumaDumping #AdultChildren #NarcissisticFleas #EmotionalAbuse #TraumaRecovery #MentalHealth

You’ve tried explaining yourself. You’ve tried having the conversation. But what happens when nothing changes, no matter how carefully you say it?

When you’ve spent so long questioning yourself, it can be difficult to trust your own judgment about what’s happening.

If you’re struggling to make sense of your relationship, take my free Toxic or Troubled? survey to gain some clarity and explore your next steps.

https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/toxic-troubled-survey

Have you ever confronted a narcissist about something truly hurtful and watched it vanish in seconds? A flicker of discomfort, then a reset, as if it never happened?

In this episode, Kerry and psychotherapist Lynn Strathdee take on the question listeners ask most: can a narcissist change? They explore why owning the problem is the real dividing line, the debate over shame versus humiliation, and what happens inside a disordered personality the moment it’s challenged.

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Lynn get honest about the promise that keeps so many people stuck: “I’ll change for you.” Learn why desperate promises to change vanish the moment the relationship feels secure again.

Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you become a Substack paid subscriber today. Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism and narcissistic abuse recovery, and former educator helping adults reclaim identity after chronic antagonism. WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/

00:00 What happens inside a narcissist when you confront them

00:39 Can a personality disorder ever change?

02:56 Born with the tools: the wagon story

04:29 Why they won't own the problem

06:18 Do narcissists feel shame or humiliation?

07:43 Not enough of a "me" to change

10:30 Why real growth means sitting with discomfort

13:13 They reset right in front of you

16:56 Two years asking "can he change?"

18:59 How he faked change to keep me calm

22:22 Why victims get duped

24:41 Coming up in the Podcast Extra

#Narcissist #NarcissisticAbuse #CanNarcissistsChange #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #CovertNarcissist #Gaslighting #EmotionalAbuse #ToxicRelationships #HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Reactive abuse isn't a sign you've become the abusive one. It's the predictable end of a setup: months of provocation, timed for the moment you finally break. In this highlight from Kerry's weekly live Q&A, she takes on the night so many survivors never tell anyone about. When you, as the survivor, lost it. She also explains why the better question isn't "What's wrong with me?" but "What was being done to me?" In this episode, learn: • The four questions that reveal who in the room was actually the dangerous one • Why they bait you into reacting, then use it to tell everyone how unstable you are • How exhaustion, deprivation and constant provocation wear down anyone's self-control • Gray rock vs. yellow rock, and why snark is still engagement • "Is this an old feeling or a new feeling?" — the question that steadies you in the moment

00:00 The night you don't tell anyone about 01:59 Screaming in the shower 04:02 What the teacher never saw 05:58 Question 1: Whose arousal went up? 09:57 Question 2: Did your distress slow them down or speed them up? 12:41 Question 3: Was there repair afterward? 14:29 Why you finally broke 19:10 Question 4: Who ended up apologizing? 20:14 Gray rock vs. yellow rock: stop feeding the provocation 24:06 Is this an old feeling or a new feeling? #ReactiveAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #GrayRockMethod #YellowRock #SmearCampaign #EmotionalAbuse #AbusiveRelationship #TraumaRecovery #HealingJourney

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Why do smart people stay in toxic relationships long after they see the pattern? It was never weakness — it was conditioning by design.

In this episode, Kerry unpacks the hidden mechanics behind the 7-stage trauma-bonding trap — how predators wire dependency, hijack empathy, rewrite reality, and shut down your sense of self.

In this episode, learn:

1. Why love bombing is conditioning that creates rapid pseudo-intimacy and makes you feel uniquely seen

2. How predators manufacture dependency by playing the sympathetic victim

3. How devaluation disguised as "helpful advice" slides into gaslighting that rewrites your memory and makes you doubt your feelings

4. Why submission and loss of self leave you centered entirely on keeping them happy while you disappear

5. How intermittent reinforcement re-hooks you right when you're ready to leave

00:00 Why smart people get stuck in trauma bonds

01:19 How Kerry discovered trauma bonding

03:45 Who exploiters target, and why it's you

05:20 Stage 1: Love bombing

06:37 Stage 2: Trust and dependency

11:22 Stage 3: Devaluation

12:18 Stages 4 and 5: Gaslighting and shrinking

13:16 Stage 6: Loss of self, and the cycle restarts

14:15 Why your intelligence works against you

16:47 Why knowing about narcissists doesn't protect you

17:46 Pavlov's dog: how you were conditioned

20:03 Where your real power is

#TraumaBonding #LoveBombing #Gaslighting #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #EmotionalAbuse #ToxicRelationship #NarcissistRedFlags #TraumaRecovery #MentalHealth

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Struggling to make sense of your relationship? https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/toxic-troubled-survey

Have you noticed how leaving the narcissist didn't bring YOU back? Why you still feel blank, indecisive, and disconnected from yourself long after the relationship ended?

In this episode, Kerry and author Meg Tuohey unpack the hidden mechanics behind identity erasure after narcissistic abuse. How chronic gaslighting, control, and survival-mode living shut down your inner signal, keep your nervous system dysregulated, and keep you abandoning yourself to stay safe. It's about coherence — and how to rebuild it.

WANT TO GO DEEPER?
In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Meg get practical. Learn how to spot your personal coherence signals vs. dysregulation. Discover the "small things often" protocol to down-regulate, recalibrate, and return to yourself, and how the 80% rule stops perfectionism from hijacking your healing.

Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you subscribe today. Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

MEG TUOHEY is the author of Heartprint, a framework for reconnecting with inner wisdom, breaking limiting patterns, and reclaiming authentic identity after toxic relationships.
Website: https://megantuohey.com/
HeartPrint: Unlock the Wisdom of You: https://link.amazon/B00KU6ghh

#Narcissist #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #Gaslighting #EmotionalAbuse #TraumaBonding #CPTSD #ToxicRelationships #HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse #MentalHealth

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Feeling trapped in a toxic relationship? Get my free guide, Still Torn? 7 Signs You’re Emotionally Trapped: https://7-signs.subscribepage.io/

They didn't hide who they were. They told you on the first date—it’s just that nobody ever gave you the dictionary to read it.

In this highlight from Kerry's weekly live Q&A, she walks through the language manipulative people use from the very beginning, drawing on Jenny Young's research into how dangerous people reveal themselves in their own words. She shares the first-date moment she now recognizes as the earliest warning sign, and a story she's never told before about the night one sentence ended her relationship: "I can't believe you'd think that of me."

Recommended Videos:
1. The Narcissist Never Knew You: How Dangerous People Cast You on Day One
https://youtube.com/live/ML8QUA7jTWs?feature=share
2. The Secret Skill to Spot Dangerous Men on Dating Apps
https://youtu.be/VfwNh55oAf8

In this episode, learn:
1. Why rules and non-negotiables before they even know you signal signs of high level of control
2. How "treat me right and I'll treat you like royalty" turns love into a ledger
3. The test-and-apologize tactic: pushing a boundary, then saying sorry to see how much you'll put up with
4. Why a simple question gets met with sudden hurt, and what that timing tells you
5. Three questions that reveal whether there's any room for you in the relationship

#NarcissistRedFlags #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #RedFlagsInRelationships #DatingRedFlags #ManipulationTactics #DARVO #EmotionalAbuse #AbusiveRelationship #TraumaRecovery

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Feeling trapped in a toxic relationship? Get my free guide, Still Torn? 7 Signs You’re Emotionally Trapped: https://7-signs.subscribepage.io/

Have you noticed how the narcissist’s apology never is an apology? How yesterday's fight get rewritten so you’re the villain?

In this episode, Kerry and Lynn Strathdee expose the hidden mechanics behind chronic antagonism. Why some narcissists need ongoing drama to stay in control and to keep you exhausted.

The history-rewriting along with the non-stop crisis cycle are to keep you under control so you’re centering your life around them. It's about supply and control.

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Lynn get practical. Learn how to spot the pattern vs. a one-off bad day. Discover how to protect your energy and plan an exit.

Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you join as a paid Substack subscriber today. Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism and narcissistic abuse recovery, and former educator helping adults reclaim identity after chronic antagonism.

WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/

#Narcissist #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #Gaslighting #CovertNarcissist #ToxicRelationships #EmotionalAbuse #TraumaBonding #Boundaries #MentalHealth

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

ARE YOU FEELING STUCK?
Take the FREE “Toxic or Troubled?” survey to discover your relationship type and get instant access to a complete, private mini-course—educational overviews, reflective questions, grounding techniques, and new strategies tailored to your situation.
▶ Start here: https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/toxic-troubled-survey

Reactive abuse isn't a sign you've become the abusive one. It's the predictable end of a setup: months of provocation, timed for the moment you finally break.

In this highlight from Kerry's weekly live Q&A, she takes on the night so many survivors never tell anyone about. When you, as the survivor, lost it. She also explains why the better question isn't "What's wrong with me?" but "What was being done to me?"

In this episode, learn:
• The four questions that reveal who in the room was actually the dangerous one
• Why they bait you into reacting, then use it to tell everyone how unstable you are
• How exhaustion, deprivation and constant provocation wear down anyone's self-control
• Gray rock vs. yellow rock, and why snark is still engagement
• "Is this an old feeling or a new feeling?" — the question that steadies you in the moment

#ReactiveAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #GrayRockMethod #YellowRock #SmearCampaign #EmotionalAbuse #AbusiveRelationship #TraumaRecovery #HealingJourney

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Are You Feeling Stuck?
Take my FREE “Toxic or Troubled?” survey to discover your relationship type and get instant access to a complete, private mini-course—educational overviews, reflective questions, grounding techniques, and new strategies tailored to your situation.
▶ Start here: https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/toxic-troubled-survey

——

What if every explanation you offer becomes ammunition? Have you noticed how a narcissist stays one-up without ever having to raise their voice

In this episode, Kerry and Dr. Les Carter expose the hidden power mechanics that keep you arguing in circles. Many narcissists use the Gotcha Game which flips every conversation into a confrontation because it’s all about power.

WANT TO GO DEEPER?
In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Les get practical. Learn how to hold your ground, take your exit, and let go of the need to convince them.

Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you join as a paid Substack subscriber today. Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

DR. LES CARTER is the creator of Surviving Narcissism, an author and educator helping survivors build self-trust, healthy boundaries, and stay out of the power trap with a narcissist.
WEBSITE: https://survivingnarcissism.tv/

#Narcissist #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #Gaslighting #CovertNarcissist #ToxicRelationships #EmotionalAbuse #Boundaries #SelfTrust #MentalHealth

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Future faking hoovering isn't a change of heart. It's a second round of grooming, aimed at exactly what the first round wanted.

In this highlight from Kerry's weekly live Q&A, she takes on what's actually happening when someone shows up with flowers, apologies and a raked pile of leaves after months of silence — and why the answer has almost nothing to do with you.

In this episode:
• Why not being hoovered is a read on what you had left to give
• Hoovering is a role vacancy, not a longing
• Love bombing and hoovering: one objective, two stages, two sets of tools
• Why "pathetic chasing behavior" isn't your flaw — it's how humans are built
• The two questions that decode any hoover: what do they need, and why now?

#Hoovering #FutureFaking #NarcissisticHoovering #NarcissisticAbuse #LoveBombing #NoContact #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #TraumaRecovery #HealingJourney

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

What if naming the disorder never actually got you out? And what if the thing you've been calling proof was really just a way to feel in control?

In this episode, Kerry and co-host Lynn Strathdee take on the debate splitting the recovery world right now — one universal predator type, or many distinct subtypes.

You can know exactly what someone is and stay anyway. You can't choose your neighbor, your coworker, or the parent sitting next to you at the PTA meeting. Understanding the diagnosis is not the same as being protected from it.

Certainty feels like safety — and that's precisely why it's worth questioning.

WANT TO GO DEEPER?
In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Lynn get practical: learn a technique from Kerry's clinical supervision for reading a person by reading your own reaction to them. Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you subscribe today.
Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and the unconscious patterns that keep survivors stuck in repeating relationship cycles. A former educator turned therapist, Lynn brings both clinical training and lived experience to her private practice, where she works with clients online and in person. Her approach goes beyond surface-level psychoeducation to the deeper identity work that creates lasting change.

WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/

#NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #DarkTriad #DarkTetrad #Machiavellianism #VulnerableNarcissist #CoerciveControl #ToxicRelationships #EmotionalAbuse #MentalHealth

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Gray divorce isn't a midlife crisis. For a lot of people, it's the end of a con that ran for decades.

When researchers ask why people divorce after 50, the top answer from women isn't money or infidelity — it was abuse.

In this highlight from Kerry's weekly live Q&A, she takes on why so many people stay in psychologically abusive marriages for 20 or 30 years, and why leaving late isn't a failure of judgment.

In this episode:
* Why boomers are divorcing at four times the rate of 1990
* Why the mask falls on the honeymoon, in pregnancy, or after the baby arrives
* The attribution bias that made you call a pattern a mistake
* Why every "fresh start" was engineered — and why you weren't foolish, you were fooled
* The staircase of escalation: from control to criticism to being told you "just don't think"
* Why leaving late is a sign of strength, not weakness

#GrayDivorce #CovertNarcissist #CovertNarcissism #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Manipulation #TraumaRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #HealingJourney #MentalHealth

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

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Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Why did you do things you swore you'd never do, just to get their love back?

In this episode, Kerry and researcher Dr. Karen Mitchell unpack why affection from a narcissistic or predatory partner can feel like a drug. It's intense and strategic, and then it's suddenly withdrawn. They also explore who predatory people target: honest, kind-hearted people. And why recovery can take years.

This was never about you being weak. The pull you felt was engineered, and understanding it is how you break free.

WANT TO GO DEEPER?
In the exclusive podcast extra interview Dr. Mitchell unpacks the hidden mechanics behind spotting human predators. Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you subscribe today.
Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

DR. KAREN MITCHELL is a researcher and author of Human Predators, behind the largest global study on predatory behavior and neurological differences outside of prison settings. She advocates for a new framework — 20 attributes and 25 tactics — to identify human predators and expose how they control, isolate, and escape accountability without physical force.

• Book: Human Predators: Groundbreaking insights into the red flags narcissists, psychopaths and manipulators don't want you to know
• Website

#NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #DarkPsychology #HumanPredator #Psychopath #CoerciveControl #Brainwashing #ToxicRelationships #Gaslighting #MentalHealth

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Why did the narcissist’s collapse look so real — curled on the floor, shaking, sweating, begging you not to leave — yet nothing changed after?

What looks like a breakdown is often a temporary loss of status, not a loss of identity — the defensive structure drops for 30 seconds, then rapidly reconsolidates and the manipulation continues. This is a highlight from a recent live Q&A, repurposed here as our second weekly podcast segment.

In this episode, Kerry unpacks the hidden mechanics behind narcissistic collapse and what it takes to step out of that role:

• Why the dramatic display is often a performance to block abandonment
• Why true collapse requires remorse and self-reflection
• How the defensive structure drops when challenged, then reframes and re-hardens
• Why they demand you affirm they are still good

#NarcissisticCollapse #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #EmotionalAbuse #TraumaRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #MentalHealth #HealingJourney

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

What if the reason you feel like you're always “nagging” has nothing to do with you being difficult — and everything to do with deliberate provocation?

In this episode, Dr. Kerry McAvoy and Lynn Strathdee break down the hidden mechanics behind pathological provocation — why abusers poke, prod, and sabotage your boundaries at bedtime and beyond. How they insist on misunderstanding you, wear you down, and then recast you as the “whining nag” to make themselves the victim. This isn’t about the victim — it’s about the dysfunctional nature of the abuser.

Podcast Extra Exclusive Segment
Want to go deeper? Become a Substack paid subscriber and learn why owning the traits you don't want people to see in you (your "difficult" side) is actually what protects you from being exploited.

Get immediate access to this and over 100 other interviews when you subscribe today. Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse

Bring your questions live — Tuesday 60-min Live Stream (4 PM CDT/5 PM ET) & Wednesday Live Q&A at 11 AM CDT / Noon ET.

LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and the unconscious patterns that keep survivors stuck in repeating relationship cycles. A former educator turned therapist, Lynn brings both clinical training and lived experience to her private practice, where she works with clients online and in person. Her approach goes beyond surface-level psychoeducation to the deeper identity work that creates lasting change.

WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/

#NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #TraumaBonding #ToxicRelationships #Gaslighting #MentalHealth

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Why did the narcissist’s collapse look so real — curled on the floor, shaking, sweating, begging you not to leave — yet nothing changed after?

What looks like a breakdown is often a temporary loss of status, not a loss of identity — the defensive structure drops for 30 seconds, then rapidly reconsolidates and the manipulation continues. This is a highlight from a recent live Q&A, repurposed here as our second weekly podcast segment.

In this episode, Kerry unpacks the hidden mechanics behind narcissistic collapse and what it takes to step out of that role:

• Why the dramatic display is often a performance to block abandonment
• Why true collapse requires remorse and self-reflection
• How the defensive structure drops when challenged, then reframes and re-hardens
• Why they demand you affirm they are still good

#NarcissisticCollapse #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #EmotionalAbuse #TraumaRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #MentalHealth #HealingJourney

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

What if the trait everyone praises you for is the exact one the narcissist is scanning for?

That isn’t naivety. That isn’t missing the red flags. Agreeableness — assuming people are honest, wanting harmony, believing no one would be cruel on purpose — is a readable personality profile, and predators read it faster than you can.

In this episode, Kerry sits down with therapist and author Chelsey Brooke Cole. Cole married two narcissists — one grandiose, one covert — while practicing as a clinician herself. She breaks down why agreeable people are targeted rather than unlucky, how narcissists game the therapy room while the professionals in it cheer them on, and the chilling answer her husband gave when she asked him what shame actually meant to him.

🔒 Podcast Extra Exclusive Segment

Want to go deeper?
Become a Substack paid subscriber and hear Chelsey give you the single question that collapses a gaslighting conversation in real time — the one you ask yourself when you can't tell whether you're being unreasonable or being worked. Get immediate access to this and over 100 other interviews when you subscribe today.
Join here.

CHELSEY BROOKE COLE is a licensed psychotherapist, Certified Partner Trauma Therapist, and best-selling author of If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth. She specializes in narcissistic abuse and complex trauma, with her work routinely featured in outlets like USA Today, HuffPost, and Psychology Today. She is the host of Restoring Resilience, a podcast dedicated to helping survivors heal and reclaim their lives, and the creator of the program Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse.

• Book: If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth
• Masterclass: The Narcissist Playbook
• Website

#NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #CovertNarcissist #BetrayalTrauma #PredatorPsychology #ToxicRelationships

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

Why does one person in the family end up carrying everything — the blame, the mood, the thing nobody will say out loud? That wasn't a flaw in you. That was a role, and someone cast you in it.

Scapegoating is bullying that a family agrees not to stop, and it works because it holds the group together at your expense.

This is a highlight from a recent live Q&A, repurposed here as our second weekly podcast segment. In this episode, Kerry breaks down why families choose a scapegoat, why the role follows you into adulthood, and why none of it was ever about you:
• Why scapegoating is really bullying — and why a smear campaign is the same dynamic
• The four reasons a family picks a scapegoat, including the truth-teller who sees too clearly
• What the people who witnessed it learned to do instead of stopping it
• Introjection: how you took in a role that was never yours to carry
• Why the doubt you feel afterward makes sense — and why it was always about them

Submit your question to be answered on air here!

Resources

• The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
• First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
• Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support

Follow Kerry!

• Youtube
• Instagram
• TikTok
• Facebook

Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.

As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases.

This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).