Crying Out Loud with Dr. Laura Berman

I've spent more than 30 years as a therapist helping people navigate grief, trauma, and some of the hardest experiences of their lives. But when my 16-year-old son Sammy died, I found myself in a place that all my professional training could never have prepared me for.

Almost six years later, I've written the book I desperately needed back then, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined. And in this special episode, I want to share some of what I've learned, both from my own grief and from the thousands of people I've had the privilege of working with.

What does it actually mean to cry out loud? It means allowing ourselves to experience grief in all its messy, complicated, sometimes frightening forms. The anger, guilt, jealousy, despair, and even the moments of joy that can make us feel like we're betraying the person we've lost.

I talk about why we can't simply think our way through grief, how our bodies hold what our minds can't process, and why learning to care for our nervous systems is so important. I share the practices that helped me when I could barely function, how my relationships changed, and how I've learned to keep my connection with Sammy alive in ways I never could have imagined.

And I talk about something I believe deeply: grief changes us. I've said before that I didn't survive Sammy's death. The woman I was before he died is gone. I've had to discover who I am now, how to live with this enormous loss, and how to let joy back in without feeling guilty about it.

I believe healing is possible, even when the loss itself can never be undone. And I believe we can build meaningful, even beautiful lives while still wishing with every fiber of our being that none of this had happened.

In this episode, I explore:

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What it really means to cry out loud and why we need to stop apologizing for our grief

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How to work with anger, guilt, and the emotions we're often afraid to express

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Why grief lives in the body and the somatic practices that can help us move through it

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How grief changes friendships, relationships, and our sense of who we are

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Choosing life again, even when that choice starts with simply getting out of bed

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Letting joy return without feeling like we're leaving our loved ones behind

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Continuing bonds and the ways our relationships with those we've lost can evolve

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How grief can transform us and what it means to create a life reimagined

My new book, Crying Out Loud, brings together what I've learned as a therapist, a grieving daughter, and a grieving mother, along with research, spiritual wisdom, and nearly 100 practical tools to help you find your own way through grief.

I wrote it because I know how desperately we need something to reach for when our world falls apart. And because I want you to know that whatever you're feeling, wherever you are in your grief, there are ways to begin finding your footing again.

Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, is available now, wherever books are sold andThe Grief Healing Collective is here for more live support. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to ⁠cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com⁠.

None of us are meant to carry this alone.

And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast,The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I've learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can findThe Language of Love wherever you're listening to Crying Out Loud.

Did you know that your risk of having a heart attack can be dramatically higher in the first 24 hours after someone you love dies?

We know grief is emotionally devastating. But what we don't always understand is just how much it affects us physically.

The exhaustion that sleep doesn't seem to fix. The brain fog. The headaches, digestive problems, tightness in your chest, and the feeling that your nervous system is constantly on high alert. Sometimes you barely recognize your own body.

I experienced so much of this after my son died. And even with more than 30 years of experience as a therapist, I was surprised by how profoundly grief affected me physically.

That's why I was so interested in having Dr. Mary-Frances O'Connor back to talk about her latest book, The Grieving Body.

Mary-Frances is a neuroscientist and psychologist at the University of Arizona and the author of The Grieving Brain, which helped explain one of the strangest experiences of grief: how we can know intellectually that someone has died while our brains continue expecting them to come home.

Her new book takes that science further, exploring what happens throughout our bodies when we lose someone we love, and what we can actually do to support our physical health while grieving.

Mary-Frances also brings a deeply personal perspective to her research. She was just thirteen when her mother was diagnosed with cancer, and watching her mother face the possibility of dying shaped her understanding of loss long before she became a scientist.

In this conversation, we get into some fascinating research, including why bereavement can increase our risk of serious health problems, what crying actually does for us, and how our attachment to someone becomes so deeply wired into our brains and bodies.

We also explore why grief can hit us physically before we're even consciously aware of what's triggering it. Why do we sometimes start feeling anxious, exhausted, or unsettled as an anniversary approaches, only to realize later what our bodies seemed to know all along?

I share some of my own experiences with the physical toll of grief, including how movement and somatic practices helped me when talking about my feelings simply wasn't enough.

And we talk about something I think is especially important for grievers: the complicated relationship between taking care of ourselves and staying connected to the person we've lost. Sometimes, even feeling better can bring up guilt.

But caring for your body, allowing yourself to rest, and finding moments of pleasure again don't diminish your love or your grief.

In this episode, we explore:

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Why grief affects everything from your immune system and cardiovascular health to your sleep, digestion, and ability to think clearly

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The startling research on heart attack risk immediately following the death of a loved one

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Why our brains keep searching for someone even when we know they're gone, and the "gone but also everlasting" paradox

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The science of crying, why tears are connected to attachment, and what happens when we feel safe enough to let them come

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Why anniversaries, birthdays, and other significant dates can trigger physical grief responses before we consciously recognize what's happening

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Why two people grieving the same person can have completely different physical and emotional experiences

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How prolonged or particularly intense grief can affect our health

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What Mary-Frances means by the difference between time healing and action healing

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How movement, rest, and small acts of physical care can help support a grieving body

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A powerful story about a young widow that has stayed with Mary-Frances throughout her career

One of the things I've learned, both professionally and through my own grief, is that we have to pay attention to what our bodies are telling us. We can't always think or talk our way through grief. Sometimes we need to move, cry, sleep, breathe, or simply give ourselves permission to stop pushing so hard.

I hope this conversation helps you understand some of what may be happening in your own body and gives you a few practical ways to care for yourself through it.

You can love and miss someone with every fiber of your being and still deserve to feel well in your own body.

Don't forget to check out Mary-Frances's books, The Grieving Brainand The Grieving Body. You can learn more about her work on herwebsite and follow her on Instagram.

And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collectiveare here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

None of us are meant to carry this alone.

And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories, and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast,The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I've learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy, and healing. You can find The Language of Lovewherever you're listening to Crying Out Loud.

When we lose someone we love, we often lose so much more than that person. We lose the future we imagined, our sense of safety, sometimes our relationships, and often parts of ourselves we barely realize are missing until we look around and wonder, Who am I now?
And some of our deepest losses aren't necessarily connected to a death at all. They can come from the dreams that never happened, the relationships that changed us, the versions of ourselves we had to leave behind, or the experiences we've never really allowed ourselves to grieve.
My guest on Crying Out Loud is Christina Rasmussen, grief educator, founder of the Life Reentry® process, and author of Second Firsts, Where Did You Go?, and Invisible Loss. Christina spent years studying grief and working with bereaved families before losing her own husband, the father of her two young daughters, when she was just 35.
She thought she understood grief. Then she found herself living it, and so much of what she'd learned no longer seemed to apply. For months, she couldn't even cry. She felt frozen, disconnected from herself and unsure how to find her way back to living.
That experience eventually led her to explore something she calls the "waiting room," a place many of us recognize, where we're going through the motions of life but don't quite feel like we're living it. And while there's a reason we end up there, we can sometimes stay much longer than we realize.
Christina and I talk about the different parts of ourselves that emerge after loss, including the survivor self that gets us through the worst of it, but can also make it difficult to move forward. We explore what happens to our identity when grief changes us, why our minds can sometimes work against our healing, and how we begin reconnecting with the parts of ourselves that still want to experience life.
I also share a very personal experience I had after my son died, when a voice asked me a question about whether I wanted to live. That moment changed something profound in me, and Christina and I explore what it means to make that choice when you're in the depths of grief.
And because grief inevitably raises some of life's biggest questions, we also venture into what happens after we die. Christina has studied thousands of near-death experiences, and we talk about what she's learned, what she believes about consciousness and the continued existence of our loved ones, and how we might experience that connection ourselves. She even guides us through a practice for connecting with someone on the other side.
This is a conversation about the losses we see and the ones we don't, the ways we can disappear inside our own grief, and the possibility of discovering who we are now, even when the life we knew is gone.
In this episode, we explore:

• Why some of our most significant losses are invisible, and how they continue to shape our lives
• Christina's experience losing her husband and why her professional training didn't prepare her for her own grief
• The "waiting room" and how to recognize when we've become stuck in survival mode
• The survivor, watcher, and thriver selves, and how each influences our healing
• Why overthinking and intellectualizing grief can sometimes keep us from moving forward
• The difference between waiting for time to heal us and actively finding our way back into life
• How shame, rejection, lost dreams, and other unacknowledged grief can affect our sense of identity
• My own experience of being asked whether I wanted to live after losing my son
• What Christina's research into near-death experiences has taught her about consciousness and life after death
• A guided practice for connecting with a loved one who has died

If you've ever felt like you've lost touch with yourself, whether through the death of someone you love or another experience that changed your life, I think you'll find a lot to relate to in this conversation. And hopefully, some new ways to begin finding your way back.
Don’t forget to check out Christina’s books, Second Firsts, Where Did You Go?, and Invisible Loss. She recommends the physical copies, since they’re meant to be written in and returned to. You can find her at website.
And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book,Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, andThe Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.
None of us are meant to carry this alone.
And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast,The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I've learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can findThe Language of Love wherever you're listening to Crying Out Loud

What do you do when you’re grieving something that hasn’t actually ended?

When you’re sick and don’t know if you’ll get better. When someone you love is struggling with addiction and you don’t know who they’ll be on the other side of it. When you’ve lost a pregnancy, a future you were counting on, or even the person you used to be.

There’s grief in all of that. But it’s a strange kind of grief because there’s no clean ending to point to. No funeral. No clear before and after. Sometimes, there isn’t even an answer.

That’s the territory Marissa Renee Lee explores in her new book, Waiting for Dawn: Living with Uncertainty.

Marissa is also the author of Grief Is Love, a book I’ve long appreciated for the way it challenges the idea that healing requires us to “move on” from the people we’ve lost. Her new book takes that work somewhere different and deeply personal.

After losing her mother and experiencing pregnancy loss, Marissa developed long COVID. Suddenly, she was living in a body she couldn’t predict, with symptoms she couldn’t control and no way of knowing what her future would look like.

She calls what followed “gray grief”: the grief of living with a loss that has no clear ending.

That idea really stayed with me because so much of grief is exactly that. Even after a death, we can grieve our old identity, the future we assumed we’d have, and the version of ourselves who existed before our lives changed.

I know I did.

In this conversation, Marissa and I talk about what happens when you can’t fix what’s happening and you can’t know what comes next. How do you live there without allowing fear to take over? What does hope look like when you have no evidence that things are going to turn out the way you want them to? And who are you when the things you thought defined you begin to fall away?

We also come back to something Marissa wrote about so beautifully in Grief Is Love: continuing bonds. She shares the small ways her mother is still part of her family’s life, and we talk about why loving someone doesn’t end because they died.

And perhaps most importantly, we talk about hope. Not pretending everything is going to be okay. Hope when you genuinely don’t know.

It’s one of the things I found most moving about Waiting for Dawn, and something I think anyone who has spent time in that awful space between what was and whatever comes next will understand.

In this episode, we talk about:

● What Marissa means by “gray grief” and why she wrote Waiting for Dawn

● What long COVID taught her about living without answers

● Grieving your health, identity and the future you thought you were going to have

● The difference between hope and pretending everything will be okay

● What fear does to us when uncertainty goes on and on

● Why caregivers and partners are grieving too

● Why Marissa rejects the idea that we need to “move on”

● How she continues her relationship with her mother after her death

● What I learned about losing my own identity after my son died, and slowly discovering who I was becoming

● The two words Marissa returns to when everything else feels uncertain

Some losses give us a clear before and after. Others leave us waiting in the dark for an answer that may or may not come.

You don't have to wait alone.

Content note: this episode includes a brief mention of a family member's death at the hands of an abusive partner.

Don't forget to follow Marissa and check out her books, Grief Is Love andWaiting for Dawn: Living with Uncertainty. You can find her at marissareneelee.com and as Marissa Renee Lee on Instagram and Substack. She also has a grief retreatcoming up this November in the Hudson Valley, with details on herwebsite.

And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collectiveare here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

None of us are meant to carry this alone.

And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast,The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I've learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Lovewherever you're listening to Crying Out Loud.

When someone we love dies, the relationship doesn't simply disappear. We still talk to them. Think about them. Look for signs from them. Miss them. Love them.

But where do we put all of that?

For me, one of the answers has been creating sacred space.

In this episode of Crying Out Loud, I'm talking with Robin and Michael Mastro about the power of altars and why creating a physical place for connection can be such a meaningful practice in grief.

Robin and Michael have spent decades studying Vastu Shastra, an ancient Indian system concerned with the relationship between our physical spaces and our wellbeing. Michael is an architect and meditation teacher, and Robin is the author of Altars of Power and Grace, which grew out of her graduate research and her experiences in India.

Robin explains that there isn't just one kind of altar. Different altars can serve different intentions, and for those of us who are grieving, she shares two that I found especially meaningful: a relationship altar, created to support our continued connection with someone who has died, and a transformation altar for those times when the grief itself feels especially intense.

We get very practical about how to create one. Where should it go? What direction should it face? What belongs on it? Robin talks about photographs, candles, meaningful objects, mantras and yantras, and why the intention we bring to the altar matters more than making it look a certain way.

I also share the altar I created while writing Crying Out Loud. Every morning, I would sit there, light a candle, call in my angels and guides, and then begin writing. I wrote the entire book between May and August, and I believe that altar helped me create a space where I could connect, listen and do the work.

We also talk about something I think matters deeply in grief: an altar doesn't have to be about worship, and you don't have to subscribe to any particular spiritual belief to create one. It can simply be a place where you intentionally return to the person you love and to the relationship that continues in a different form.

Toward the end of our conversation, Michael leads us through a five-element meditation for grief, moving through earth, water, fire, air and space as a way of grounding ourselves and making room for what we're carrying.

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Why altars have been used across cultures and spiritual traditions

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How an altar can create a physical place for continued connection

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The difference between a relationship altar and a transformation altar

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How to create an altar for someone you love who has died

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What photographs, candles and meaningful objects can bring to the space

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Why intention matters more than creating the "perfect" altar

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The role of direction and the five elements in Vastu

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Mantras, yantras and other practices Robin incorporates into sacred space

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The altar I created while writing Crying Out Loud

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Michael's five-element meditation for grief

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How a simple ritual can give us somewhere to bring our love, longing and connection

An altar doesn't have to be elaborate. It can be a photograph, a candle, something that belonged to them, or an object that only the two of you would understand.

It is simply a place you create with intention. A place to sit. To remember. To talk. To listen. And, if it feels right to you, to stay connected.

Robin has generously offered a guide to creating a relationship altar, including the elements, mantras, yantras, and the process of bringing the altar to life. Email her at robin@vastucreations.com to receive the guide.

And stay with us through the end of the episode for Michael's five-element meditation. You may want to find a quiet place before you listen.

Don’t forget to follow Robin and Michael, and check out Robin’s book, Altars of Power and Grace. You can find more of their work on their website.

And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I've learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you're listening to Crying Out Loud.

This episode is also brought to you in part byChanneling Grief, a Substack by Elizabeth Kopple. After her 18-year-old son, Henry, died on his first day of college, Elizabeth turned to writing to explore grief and how we find connection, meaning, and a way forward after profound loss. Now a certified grief educator, she shares essays, interviews, and resources to help you feel seen and less alone. Subscribe for free at channelinggrief.substack.com.

And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

None of us are meant to carry this alone.

When someone you love dies by suicide, grief can become tangled up with questions that may never have answers.

Why?

What did I miss?

Could I have stopped it?

Did they know how much I loved them?

Carla Fine knows those questions intimately. Her husband, Harry, died by suicide at 43. They had met in college, married at 21, and spent 21 years building a life together. Harry was a physician, a teacher at NYU Medical School, and a father and husband who continued working and seeing patients right up until his death.

Carla didn't see it coming.

In the years that followed, she began talking with other people who had lost someone to suicide and discovered how many were living with the same guilt, anger, confusion and shame, often without anywhere to talk about it.

Those conversations eventually became her groundbreaking book, No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One. She later co-wrote Touched by Suicide: Hope and Healing After Loss with psychiatrist Dr. Michael Myers and has spent decades speaking with suicide-loss survivors around the world.

In this episode of Crying Out Loud, Carla and I talk about what suicide leaves behind for the people who loved the person who died.

One of the things Carla says that stayed with me is that, for a long time, she was grieving the suicide. Eventually, she had to begin grieving Harry.

That distinction opens up so much.

We talk about the “million whys” that can consume you after suicide loss and whether getting an answer to why actually gives you the peace you imagine it will. We talk about guilt and responsibility, including the painful belief that if you had noticed one thing, said one thing, or done one thing differently, the person you loved might still be here.

Carla is also remarkably honest about time. The first year. The second. The fifth. The seventh. The moments when grief changes and the moments when it suddenly comes roaring back. And the realization that wanting to live again does not mean leaving the person you love behind.

We also talk about something I care deeply about: finding people who understand your particular kind of loss. There is enormous relief in being with someone who doesn't need you to explain why you're angry, why you're still asking questions, or why something that happened years ago can suddenly feel like it happened yesterday.

In this episode, we talk about:

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The “million whys” that follow a suicide and what happens when there is no satisfying answer

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The difference between regret and responsibility

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Carla's experience of not seeing the signs before Harry died

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Why she says she first had to grieve the suicide before she could grieve her husband

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Anger, guilt and shame after suicide loss, including feelings people are often afraid to admit

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What Carla tells someone in the first raw days after a suicide

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Why healing may need to come before helping other people

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What Carla has learned about grief in the second, fifth and seventh years

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How people who love the same person can grieve in completely different ways

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The point when Carla realized she wanted to live again

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How our relationship with someone we love can continue after they die

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Why finding other survivors can change the experience of grief

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What to say when someone you love is in despair

If you've lost someone to suicide, I hope this conversation gives you something Carla has spent decades trying to give survivors: the knowledge that whatever you're feeling, someone else has felt it too.

And if you're carrying guilt about what you didn't know, didn't see, or didn't do, I especially hope you'll listen to what Carla has to say about the difference between wishing things had been different and believing you were responsible for making them different.

There may never be an answer big enough for the question of why.

But there can still be love. There can still be connection. And, eventually, there can be a life that you want to live again.

Don't forget to visit Carla Fine's website and check out her books,No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved Oneand Touched by Suicide: Hope and Healing After Loss.You can find more of her work and connect with her there.

And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

This episode is also brought to you in part by Channeling Grief, a Substack by Elizabeth Kopple. After her 18-year-old son, Henry, died on his first day of college, Elizabeth turned to writing to explore grief and how we find connection, meaning, and a way forward after profound loss. Now a certified grief educator, she shares essays, interviews, and resources to help you feel seen and less alone. Subscribe for free at channelinggrief.substack.com. We're so grateful to Elizabeth for supporting Crying Out Loud and our grieving community.

And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast,The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I've learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you're listening to Crying Out Loud.

When someone you love dies, you start looking for them everywhere. In dreams. In songs. In signs that show up at exactly the right moment. Anything that might tell you they’re still here somehow.

But what happens when psilocybin opens a door you didn’t even know was there?

My guest, Heather A. Lee, is one of the first certified and licensed psychedelic-assisted psychotherapists in the U.S. Before moving into psychedelic medicine, she spent years as a hospice social worker, sitting with people at the end of life. She later trained with researchers at Johns Hopkins, NYU and Imperial College London, and she’s the author of The Psilocybin Sessions.

I’ve been curious about Heather’s work for a long time, especially after having my own profound psilocybin experience. So I wanted to understand what is actually happening during these journeys. What does psilocybin do to the brain? Why can it sometimes reach grief, trauma and old wounds that years of talk therapy haven’t touched? And what do we make of the people who say they encountered someone they love who has died?

Heather explains how psilocybin quiets some of the brain systems involved in fear and our fixed sense of self, creating a window where old patterns can loosen and something new can emerge. We talk about why preparation and integration matter, why she believes these experiences should be facilitated by someone properly trained, and who should stay away from psychedelics altogether.

Then we get into the part of this conversation I was especially interested in: grief.

Heather shares stories of people who encountered loved ones who had died during their journeys, including a mother whose 18-year-old son died from fentanyl poisoning and who felt she spent hours communicating with him. We talk about whether these experiences are happening entirely inside the brain, whether they might give us access to something beyond our ordinary awareness, and whether we even need to know for certain in order for the experience to be healing.

I also share something I haven’t talked about publicly before: my own psilocybin journey. While my best friend was having a beautiful experience with angels, guides and flowers, I spent hours feeling as though I was physically giving birth to grief. My body moved in waves and convulsions as I saw women surrounding me like midwives and felt grief moving through me for Sammy, for my childhood, for mothers and women I had never met. It was one of the strangest and most powerful experiences of my life.

We also talk about microdosing, anxiety and OCD, antidepressants, neuroplasticity, and what Heather has learned from decades of working around death and dying about consciousness and what might happen after we die.

In this episode, we talk about:

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What psilocybin actually does in the brain

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Why grief and trauma can surface in ways we don’t expect

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The difference between taking mushrooms recreationally and doing a facilitated therapeutic journey

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Why preparation and integration are such an important part of the process

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What it can feel like to encounter someone you love who has died

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My own experience of physically “birthing” grief during a psilocybin journey

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Whether psychedelic experiences are happening in the brain, beyond it, or possibly both

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Psilocybin for anxiety and OCD

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Antidepressants and other considerations before a psychedelic journey

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Microdosing versus a full-dose journey

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Who should not use psilocybin

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How grief can open us to questions about consciousness, connection and what happens after death

If you’ve ever wondered whether psychedelics can help us access parts of grief that we can’t seem to reach any other way, or whether the people we love might still be available to us in ways we don’t fully understand, I think you’ll find this conversation fascinating.

This isn't about convincing you of anything. It's about staying curious about what connection can look like after loss, and what our minds and hearts might be capable of as we heal.

Don't forget to follow Heather A. Lee and check out her book, The Psilocybin Sessions. You can find more of her work on her websiteor by following her onInstagram. She's also opening a grief-specific psilocybin retreat in Colorado this January, details to come on her socials.

And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast,The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I've learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you're listening to Crying Out Loud.

This episode is also brought to you in part byChanneling Grief, a Substack by Elizabeth Kopple. After her 18-year-old son, Henry, died on his first day of college, Elizabeth turned to writing to explore grief and how we find connection, meaning, and a way forward after profound loss. Now a certified grief educator, she shares essays, interviews, and resources to help you feel seen and less alone. Subscribe for free athttps://channelinggrief.substack.com/. We're so grateful to Elizabeth for supporting Crying Out Loud and our grieving community.

And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

Have you ever had something happen after someone you love died that made you stop and think, Wait...was that you?

A song at exactly the right moment. A dream that feels different from an ordinary dream. A coincidence that feels almost impossible to explain. For a moment, you feel them. And then your rational brain kicks in.

Am I imagining this? Am I seeing what I want to see? Was that really them?

I know this dance between connection and doubt very well. After Sammy died, finding ways to stay connected to him became an important part of my grief and ultimately changed what I believe about death. But I also know how vulnerable these experiences can feel, especially when someone you love doesn’t believe what you believe.

My guest Rachel Stewart understands this deeply. Her 10-year-old daughter, Kenadie, died from cancer, and at the time, Rachel and her husband, Shane, had no real spiritual or religious framework for understanding where she had gone. Rachel desperately wanted to know Kenadie was still somewhere and that their relationship hadn’t simply ended.

But wanting to believe something and actually believing it are two very different things.

Rachel tells me about a medium reading that left her with questions until Shane casually revealed one detail that changed everything. We talk about the experiences that began challenging their skepticism, why Rachel kept asking Kenadie for more proof, and what happened when her very skeptical husband finally agreed to try energy healing himself.

We also get into something that doesn’t get talked about enough: what happens when you and the person you’re grieving with believe very different things? My husband and I don’t always interpret my experiences with Sammy the same way either. Rachel and I talk about how lonely that can feel and why you don’t need to convince anyone else in order to honor an experience that brings you comfort or connection.

In this episode, we talk about:

• The signs that began changing what Rachel believed about death

• A medium reading that took on an entirely different meaning after one unexpected detail
• Why powerful experiences don’t necessarily make skepticism disappear
• What happened when Shane agreed to try energy healing
• Meditation, grief and learning to quiet the noise enough to listen
• Whether seeking connection with someone who died can ever become a way of avoiding grief

• Grieving alongside a partner who doesn’t share your beliefs

How Rachel’s search for Kenadie eventually became For 11, the grief community she and Shane wished they’d had

If you’ve ever received what felt like a sign and then immediately talked yourself out of it, or if part of you desperately wants to believe your person is still with you while another part thinks, Come on, this can’t be real, I think you’ll find a lot in this conversation.

You don’t have to decide what you believe before you listen. There’s room for skepticism, curiosity and the possibility that love and relationship may continue in ways we don’t completely understand

Thank you again for the opportunity to be a guest on your podcast. I have put together a private, small invite only retreat for your listeners. Do you know when our episode will air.
https://heatheralee.com/where-grief-finds-its-place-to-land

You can connect with Rachel through her website, For 11 Together, and follow her on Instagram and TikTok at @for11_together. Explore her Better Together resources and the For 11 community to learn more about the practices and experiences we discuss.

And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I’ve learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The Language of Love wherever you’re listening to Crying Out Loud.

This episode is also brought to you in part by Channeling Grief, a Substack by Elizabeth Kopple. After her 18-year-old son, Henry, died on his first day of college, Elizabeth turned to writing to explore grief and how we find connection, meaning, and a way forward after profound loss. Now a certified grief educator, she shares essays, interviews, and resources to help you feel seen and less alone. Subscribe for free at channelinggrief.substack.com. We're so grateful to Elizabeth for supporting Crying Out Loud and our grieving community.

And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, Laura's book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

None of us are meant to carry this alone.

When Sammy died, I expected heartbreak. I didn’t expect what grief would do to my brain.

I couldn’t remember things. I couldn’t concentrate. Words disappeared in the middle of sentences. I would walk into a room and have no idea why I was there. At times, I genuinely wondered what was happening to me.

If you’ve experienced grief brain, you know how frightening it can be. And there are real reasons for it.

Dr. Daniel Amen is a psychiatrist and brain health expert who has spent decades studying the brain. He’s the founder of Amen Clinics and the author of numerous New York Times bestsellers, including Change Your Brain, Change Your Lifeand his newest book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Pain.

I’ve known Daniel for more than twenty years, long before I knew grief from the inside. So I wanted to sit down with him and ask the questions I wish I’d had answers to after Sammy died: What is actually happening inside our brains when we’re grieving? Why can we suddenly feel cognitively impaired? And can a brain changed by profound loss heal?

We get into the science of grief brain, but this conversation goes much further. Daniel explains why grief can affect your memory, energy, sleep, gut and physical health, and why two people can experience the same kind of loss very differently.

We also talk about guilt and the loops our brains can get trapped in after trauma, the relationship between anger and forgiveness, and what happens in the brain when we meditate, pray or experience hope.

And we talk about something I care deeply about: what helps the brain begin to heal while we are still carrying the loss.

In this episode, we talk about:

•

What “grief brain” actually is and why loss can affect memory, concentration and executive function

•

Why grief can show up throughout the body, including in your gut

•

Daniel’s concept of “brain reserve” and why people respond so differently to trauma and loss

•

What happens in the brain when we experience hope

•

Why guilt can become so persistent after someone dies and how to interrupt it

•

The “doom loop” and “healing loop,” and the habits that reinforce each one

•

The connection between unresolved anger, forgiveness and emotional pain

•

What prayer, meditation and faith may do in the brain

•

Why menopause can compound some of the cognitive changes women experience during grief

•

What Daniel has learned about resilience after decades of studying the brain

If grief has ever made you wonder, “Am I losing my mind?” I really want you to hear this conversation.

There is a reason your brain doesn’t feel like the brain you had before your loss. Understanding what is happening can make it a little less frightening and, more importantly, help us understand what our brains need from us as we heal.

Don't forget to follow Dr. Daniel Amen and check out his newest book,Change Your Brain, Change Your Pain: Breaking the Doom Loop to Heal Chronic Physical and Emotional Pain. You can find more of his work on hiswebsite or by following him on Instagramand TikTok.

And if you want to explore more of how our brains, bodies, histories and emotional patterns shape the way we love and connect, come find me on my other podcast, The Language of Love.. Every week, I talk with leading experts and share what I’ve learned in more than 30 years as a therapist about relationships, intimacy and healing. You can find The The Language of Lovewherever you’re listening to Crying Out Loud.

This episode is also brought to you in part byChanneling Grief, a Substack by Elizabeth Kopple. After her 18-year-old son, Henry, died on his first day of college, Elizabeth turned to writing to explore grief and how we find connection, meaning, and a way forward after profound loss. Now a certified grief educator, she shares essays, interviews, and resources to help you feel seen and less alone. Subscribe for free at http://channelinggrief.substack.com. We're so grateful to Elizabeth for supporting Crying Out Loud and our grieving community.

And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, Laura's book,Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, andThe Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

None of us are meant to carry this alone.

How do you keep choosing life when the life you loved disappeared in a single instant?

In 2018, Colin Campbell and his wife Gail were driving home from a family trip to Joshua Tree when a drunk driver slammed into their car at 90 miles an hour. Colin and Gail were knocked unconscious. When Colin opened his eyes, their two teenage children, Ruby and Hart, were already gone in the back seat.

There was no time to prepare. No ambulance ride spent hoping. No chance to say one more thing.

In the years since, Colin has become one of the most powerful and refreshingly honest voices in grief. He is the author of Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose and the writer and performer behind the acclaimed solo show Grief: A One Man ShitShow. What I love about Colin's work is that he doesn't stay in the abstract. He talks about what it actually means to live with grief.

And that is where our conversation goes.

We talk about what happens when you stop trying to protect yourself from the pain. What grief can do to your marriage, your friendships, your identity, and even your sex life. Why guilt can become so tangled up with love. And how you begin allowing yourself to experience joy again without feeling as though you're betraying the people you lost.

This is a conversation about the parts of grief we don't always know how to talk about, and what it really takes to build a life that can hold devastating loss alongside love, connection, purpose, pleasure, and even joy.

If you've ever wondered how you're supposed to keep living when someone you love is no longer physically here, I think you'll find something in Colin's words that stays with you.

In this episode, we talk about:

•

Why feeling your grief may be very different from being consumed by it

•

Colin's surprising "say yes" approach to life after loss

•

The connection between our capacity for pain and our capacity for joy

•

The "grief spiel" and the surprising way it can change your relationships

•

Who you become when loss changes your sense of identity

•

How a marriage survives when two people grieve the same loss differently

•

Sex and intimacy after devastating loss, and why we need to talk about it

•

The complicated relationship between guilt and love

•

How rituals can help us carry what cannot be fixed

•

The decision Ruby made before the crash that would take on extraordinary meaning years later

•

What it means to become a parent again after losing your children

Don't forget to follow Colin Campbell and check out his book,Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose. You can find more of his work, including his acclaimed solo show Grief: A One Man ShitShow, on hiswebsite or by following him on Instagram.

And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, Laura's book,Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, andThe Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

None of us are meant to carry this alone.

Most of us are so afraid of grief that we push it away without even realizing we're doing it. We ignore it, stifle it, cover it up, and tell ourselves we're moving on. But loss doesn't ask for permission. It happens to us, whether we're ready for it or not, and when someone we love dies, it can leave us feeling like we've lost all control. But here's something we don't talk about enough: We still have a say in how we grieve.

We can choose to show up for the grief instead of running from it, ask for support instead of carrying it alone, and slowly find our footing again. And sometimes, that small sense of agency can change the way we live with the loss.

Claire Bidwell Smith has spent her career teaching other people exactly how to do that. As a licensed therapist, a hospice clinician, and the author of five books, including Conscious Grieving and Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief, she has sat across from thousands of grievers and helped them make sense of the chaos loss leaves behind.

In this episode of Crying Out Loud, Claire and I talk about what she calls conscious grieving: choosing to lean into loss with awareness instead of pushing it down or performing "fine" for everyone watching. We talk about why the body holds onto grief long after the mind tries to move on, why anxiety after loss is so often grief that never found anywhere else to go, and why guilt so often shows up dressed as love.

We also talk about the things people don't say out loud. The room you can't walk into. The phone you can't bring yourself to open. The way grief doesn't get smaller with time so much as it gets folded into who you become.

There's a moment in this conversation where Claire and I realize we've both made the same choice, refusing to open the phone that belonged to the person we lost. Neither of us could fully explain it in the moment. We didn't need to. Some things grievers just understand about each other.

If you have ever felt like grief turned you into a stranger in your own body, if you've carried guilt you couldn't quite explain, or if there's a room in your life you still can't bring yourself to enter, this conversation will meet you exactly where you are.

In this episode, we discuss:

•

What conscious grieving actually means, and how it differs from the grief we're taught to hide

•

Why anxiety, panic, and physical symptoms are so often grief in disguise

•

The neuroscience of "grief brain" and why your memory, sleep, and focus all take a hit

•

The hidden intersection between grief and hormonal shifts like perimenopause

•

Why guilt can become a way of staying close to the person you lost

•

The difference between honoring someone and punishing yourself in their name

•

Why some rooms, some drawers, some phones take years to face, and why that's not wrong

•

Simple tools for calming an anxious body in the middle of a spiral, including breathwork and grief writing

•

Claire's own path from skepticism to a continued, evolving relationship with her mother

•

What it means to keep talking to someone after they're gone, and why so many grievers already do

•

Why healing was never about leaving anyone behind

Don't forget to follow Claire Bidwell Smith and check out her books, including Conscious Grieving and Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief.You can find more of her work on her website.

And if you're looking for support, connection, or a place to feel less alone, my book,Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, andThe Grief Healing Collective are here for you. If something in this episode spoke to your heart, share your story or send your questions to cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

None of us are meant to carry this alone.

When you lose someone you love, every loss asks something different of you. One goodbye can leave you heartbroken but standing. The next can bring your whole world to a stop. Sometimes grief gives you months to prepare, convincing you that you'll know how to survive what's coming. Other times, it arrives without warning, turning an ordinary day into the day your life is divided into before and after. And sometimes, even if you're a therapist who's spent years helping others through loss, you discover that the very tools you've relied on for decades can suddenly feel helpless in the face of your own grief.

Meghan Riordan Jarvis knows that firsthand. She is a trauma therapist with more than 20 years of experience and the author of Can Anyone Tell Me? A book born from the questions grieving people ask every day but rarely receive honest answers to. Instead of treating grief as something to fix or get over, Meghan explores what it actually does to our bodies, our minds, and our relationships, offering the kind of validation so many people never receive. Her understanding of grief changed through two very different losses.

In 2017, Meghan's father died after a year-long illness. She describes those final months as watching him grow smaller, weekend after weekend, until he was gone. It was heartbreaking, but it felt like the kind of grief she had spent her career helping others navigate.

Two years later, everything changed. While they were on vacation together, Megan's mother died suddenly. The loss shattered every assumption she had about grief, including her own. A relentless voice began telling her it was her fault. What started as an intrusive thought became constant rumination, repeating so often that she recognized she was no longer coping. Eventually, she checked herself into the same inpatient treatment program where she had once referred her hardest clients, those whose grief and trauma required more intensive treatment.

In this episode of Crying Out Loud, Meghan and I talk about what happened when her professional knowledge could no longer protect her, and what she learned after experiencing grief from the inside instead of the therapist's chair.

We explore why grief can disrupt memory, sleep, concentration, and appetite for much longer than most people expect, and why those reactions are part of how the brain responds to profound loss.

In this episode, we discuss:

•

What grief does to the brain and why memory, sleep, and concentration are often affected

•

Why brain fog is a normal response to loss, not a sign that you're falling apart

•

The role anger plays in protecting us from overwhelming sadness

•

Simple practices that help calm a nervous system under stress

•

The thoughts so many grieving people experience but are afraid to say out loud

•

What Meghan discovered at the deepest point of her grief, and how it reshaped the way she lives and helps others

If this conversation resonates with you, pick up a copy of Meghan's Can Anyone Tell Me? and visit her website or connect with her on Instagram for classes, guidance, and other grief resources.

And if you're looking for more support, you'll find it in my book,Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and inside The Grief Healing Collective. I'd also love to hear your thoughts on this episode. You can reach me anytime at cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

Grief has a way of making everyone else uncomfortable. After the funeral, the messages slow down. A few days later, people expect life to carry on as if nothing happened. You're back at work. You stop bringing up the person who died because it feels like everyone else has already moved on. But you haven't. The truth is, life never goes back to what it was after losing someone you love.

Carla Fernandez has spent years challenging that way of thinking. She is the author of Renegade Grief and co-founder of The Dinner Party, a community that has supported more than 20,000 young adults after the death of someone they love. Her work has helped reshape how a generation thinks about loss, replacing isolation with connection and making grief something people can share instead of hide.

In this episode of Crying Out Loud, I sit down with Carla to talk about what she calls renegade grief: choosing to grieve honestly in a culture that would rather you keep your pain quiet.

Together, we explore what happens when we stop trying to "move on" and start making room for grief instead. We talk about creating new rituals, building altars, taking grief pilgrimages, holding onto continuing bonds with the people we've lost, and why healing doesn't mean leaving someone behind.

This conversation isn't about fixing grief or making it disappear. It's about permitting yourself to grieve in a way that feels true to you and remembering that you never have to carry it alone.

•

How Western culture became wired to avoid grief, and why the myth of “closure” is so damaging

•

The truth about Freud’s theories on grief, and how even he changed his mind after his own loss

•

Why connection with other grievers can be the most powerful catalyst for healing.

•

How rituals and creativity emerge naturally from our longing to honor and remember

•

Simple, deeply personal ways to keep bonds alive: altars, “grief quests,” and everyday practices that create meaning

•

The immense value of finding (or becoming) a “grief ally,” and why your support may change another’s entire experience

•

The misunderstood line between helping others and bypassing your own pain, and how to find a healthy balance

•

How metaphysical beliefs, neuroscience, and cultural rituals intersect in the ongoing relationship we have with those we grieve

This one isn't about getting past your grief. It's about what happens the moment you stop trying to.

Find Carla's book, Renegade Grief (recently out in paperback)

You don't have to carry this alone. My book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined, and The Grief Healing Collective are both here if you need them. And if something in this episode moved you, tell me at cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

Press play. You'll never set the table the same way again.

Some losses come with a funeral. People bring food. They hug you. They say, "I'm so sorry for your loss." Some rituals help you begin to make sense of what has happened.

But some losses don't look like loss at all.

They're the kind that keep you awake at night, staring at your phone, wondering if it will ring. They're the kind where your child is still alive, but addiction has taken so much of who they used to be. Or where your husband or wife still sits across from you at the dinner table, but Alzheimer's has slowly stolen the person you spent your life building memories with.

You find yourself missing someone who is still here.

You keep hoping that tomorrow will be different. That they'll come back to you. That you'll hear their laugh again, see that familiar spark in their eyes, have one more conversation that feels like the old days.

And because they're still alive, people don't always see your grief.

There's no funeral. No obituary. No clear moment when everyone agrees your life has changed forever. You're left carrying heartbreak that has no ceremony, no roadmap, and often, no words.

You're grieving someone who hasn't died, and at the same time, you're holding onto hope that maybe you haven't lost them completely.

For more than fifty years, my guest in this episode has been giving that experience a name.

Dr. Pauline Boss is a family therapist, researcher, and professor emerita at the University of Minnesota. She coined the term ambiguous loss, a concept that changed how we understand grief without an ending. It began with her research on the wives of soldiers missing in Vietnam, and it has since become the framework millions turn to for the losses that don't come with a clear before and after: a parent lost to dementia, a child in the grip of addiction, a family torn apart by estrangement, a loved one who simply goes missing. She's the author of several landmark books, including Ambiguous Loss, Loving Someone Who Has Dementia, and her most recent, The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change.

Her most radical idea may be her simplest: closure is a myth. And chasing it may be keeping you from actually healing.

In this Language of Love Conversation, I sit down with Dr. Boss to talk about what it means to grieve someone who is still, in some sense, unaccounted for. She walks me through the six pillars she's identified for building a life inside that uncertainty, why "both/and" thinking may be the most freeing shift a grieving person can make, and why the families who cope best are often the ones who stop trying to solve what cannot be solved. I also open up about the night my own son Sammy died, and the lesson my younger son taught me about what it really means to let your children see you grieve.

This episode is for anyone carrying a loss the world doesn't have a category for, and anyone ready to stop waiting for an ending that isn't coming so they can start living again.

•

What ambiguous loss is, and why it can be even harder to carry than a loss with clear finality

•

Why “closure” is a myth, and how to let go of the pressure to find it.

•

How rituals, continuing bonds, and community can transform the lonely experience of ambiguous loss.

•

Why watching someone you love struggle with addiction is its own form of ambiguous loss, and why that recognition can bring real relief

•

Why "both/and" thinking, holding two opposing truths at once, may be the most honest form of coping

•

The six guideposts Dr. Boss has identified for building resilience without closure

•

Why grief and depression are not the same thing, and why that distinction matters

•

How to memorialize someone when there's no grave, no headstone, and no clear ending

•

How to support children through ambiguous loss

•

What decades of working with the most unimaginable losses have taught Dr. Boss about the human spirit

To learn more about Dr. Pauline Boss and her work, visit her website, where you'll find her books, including The Myth of Closure and Ambiguous Loss, along with resources for families and professionals navigating loss without resolution.

If you are moving through grief, heartbreak, or a season of profound change, you do not have to carry it alone. Make sure to read my book,Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined. Also,The Grief Healing Collective offers support, connection, and a community that understands what it means to rebuild a life after loss.

If something in this conversation moved you, reach out at cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com. Healing does not happen in isolation. It happens in moments like this one.

Losing your mother changes you in ways you don't always recognize at first.

It isn't only the moment she dies that hurts. It's all the moments that follow. The day you instinctively reach for your phone to call her. The holiday when her chair sits empty. The milestone you wish she could have witnessed. The ordinary Tuesday when you realize no one else remembers your childhood quite the way she did.

For many people, the grief doesn't disappear. It evolves. It resurfaces at unexpected moments, asking us to grow into it again and again.

For more than thirty years, Hope Edelman has helped millions of women understand that experience. After losing her own mother to breast cancer at seventeen, she searched for a roadmap that didn't exist. So she created one. Her groundbreaking book Motherless Daughters gave language to a grief that countless women had been carrying alone, becoming a New York Times bestseller and one of the most influential books ever written about the loss of a mother.

But after decades of listening to thousands of grieving daughters, Hope's understanding of grief has changed.

She no longer believes healing means moving on.

Instead, she believes our relationships with the people we love continue long after they're gone, and that learning how to carry them with us may be one of the most important parts of healing.

In this deeply moving conversation, Hope shares why the age you were when your mother died continues to shape your life, why siblings can experience the same loss in completely different ways, and why some part of us can remain the age we were when the person we loved died. She also shares the extraordinary story of a desperate moment on a New York City fire escape, when she reached out to her mother years after her death and received an answer she never expected.

Whether you've lost your mother, another parent, or anyone whose love helped shape who you are, this conversation offers both validation and hope. It reminds us that grief isn't something we finish. It's a relationship we learn to live alongside. And sometimes, the people we love continue to guide us in ways we never imagined.

In this episode, we discuss:

•

Why grief doesn't follow a timeline and can resurface decades after a loss.

•

How your age at the time someone died may still influence your life today.

•

Why siblings often experience the same loss in profoundly different ways.

•

The surprising reason part of us can remain emotionally connected to the age we were when our loved one died.

•

Why healing doesn't require letting go of the person you love.

•

The signs, synchronicities, and continuing bonds many grieving people experience after loss.

•

How healing is possible even when the relationship with your mother was complicated, distant, or painful.

To learn more about Hope Edelman, visit her website. On the homepage, you will find a free self-guided journal and video to support your grief journey. She also offers weekly support group calls, four-day retreats, and individual coaching.

If you are moving through grief, heartbreak, or a season of profound change, you do not have to carry it alone. Make sure to read Dr Berman’s book, Crying Out Loud: A Path Through Grief Into a Life Reimagined. Also,The Grief Healing Collective offers support, connection, and a community that understands what it means to rebuild a life after loss.

If something in this conversation moved you, reach out at cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com. Healing does not happen in isolation. It happens in moments like this one.

Grief has a way of splitting time. There is the life you lived before the loss, and then there is everything that follows. Somewhere in between, you find yourself asking questions that seem impossible to answer. How do I keep going? Will this pain ever soften? What am I supposed to do with all the love I still have for someone who is no longer here?

My guest on this episode of Crying Out Loud is Rabbi Steve Leder, one of America's most respected rabbis and the bestselling author of The Beauty of What Remains. For decades, he has walked alongside thousands of individuals and families through death, illness, heartbreak, and unimaginable loss. Yet some of his deepest insights about grief didn't come from his years in the rabbinate. They came after the death of his own father, when he discovered that some of what he had believed and even taught about grief no longer felt true.

In this deeply moving conversation, Rabbi Leder shares what his own loss taught him about love, faith, regret, anger, forgiveness, and the ways grief continues to reshape us long after everyone else believes we should have moved on. We talk about why healing isn't measured by how much less something hurts, why grief arrives in waves we cannot control, and why learning to float may be one of the most important lessons any of us will ever learn.

What stayed with me most was Rabbi Leder's willingness to revisit beliefs he had held for years and admit where experience transformed his understanding. One small change in the way he now speaks to grieving families carries enormous wisdom, and I have thought about it ever since we recorded this conversation.

If you've ever wondered whether life can hold both heartbreak and hope, or how love continues after loss changes form, I think this episode will stay with you long after it ends.

In this conversation, we discuss:

•

Why Rabbi Steve Leder says he misunderstood grief until his own father died.

•

The surprising reason healing isn't about hurting less.

•

What grief and ocean waves have in common, and how learning to float can change everything.

•

Why is anger after loss often protecting a deeper emotion.

•

The regrets people carry at the end of life, and what they can teach us now.

•

How faith changes when tragedy shatters what you thought you believed.

•

The one-sentence Rabbi Leder no longer says to grieving families, and what he says instead.

•

Why accepting help can be one of the hardest parts of grief.

•

What forgiveness really asks of us after profound loss.

•

The hidden meaning behind "the valley of the shadow of death."

•

How heartbreak can deepen our capacity for connection, compassion, and joy.

To learn more about Rabbi Steve Leder, follow him on Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/steve_leaderwhere he shares a weekly sixty-second reflection, and explore his book, The Beauty of What Remains.

And if you're moving through grief, heartbreak, or a season of profound change, you don't have to carry it alone. TheGrief Healing Collective offers support, connection, and a community that understands what it means to rebuild a life after loss.

If this conversation moved you, reach out at cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com. Because healing doesn't happen in isolation, it happens in moments like this one.

What happens when grief doesn’t just take someone you love but the version of you that existed before the loss?

Who are you then, and what do you do with questions you never needed before? Where is God in this? Is there meaning in suffering? Will you ever feel whole again?

For more than four decades, Marianne Williamson has sat with people in that exact space, helping them navigate what those questions awaken.

Marianne Williamson needs no introduction. But I'm going to give her one anyway, because she deserves it.

She's a spiritual teacher, a political force, and the author of seventeen books, including four number-one New York Times bestsellers. Her book A Return to Love has been a lifeline for millions, including me. I read it when I was searching for something I couldn't name, and it cracked me open in all the right ways.

So when I sat down with her for this episode, I knew we were going to go deep. What I didn't know was how deeply she would meet me and all of you right where we are.

This conversation is about grief, faith, and the delicate, impossible, sacred work of transforming pain into purpose. Marianne shares her own nights, the mystical experiences that reshaped her relationship with God, and why she believes suffering gives us "X-ray vision" into the suffering of others.

We talk about why we're so quick to bypass our pain, how men and women grieve differently, and what forgiveness really means when forgiveness feels like the last thing we want to offer.

And then, at the end, she leads us in a guided meditation so beautiful and so tender that I'm still feeling it as I write this. If you've ever wondered how to feel your loved ones on the other side, or if you've ever doubted they're still with you, this is for you.

This episode isn't about getting over grief. It's about letting grief transform us. It's about learning to hold devastation and grace in the same hand. And it's about discovering that even in our most shattered moments, we are never truly alone.

In This Episode, We Explore:

•

Why grief isn't something to "get over" and how trying to rush it may be keeping you stuck.

•

The distinction Marianne makes between tragedy and deep sadness

•

The unexpected gift hidden inside suffering, and why Marianne believes pain gives us "x-ray vision" into the hearts of others.

•

What faith really looks like in the middle of heartbreak, when nothing makes sense and hope feels out of reach.

•

The surprising ways grief affects your mind, body, and spirit, including what Marianne calls the "full tilt catastrophe" of the dark night of the soul.

•

The unexpected truth most don’t know about forgiveness.

•

How to carry unbearable grief and profound joy at the same time, without betraying either one.

•

A guided meditation that may forever change the way you experience the presence of loved ones who have passed.

To learn more about Marianne Williamson and her upcoming offerings, visithttps://marianne.comher website. You can also explore her book Tears to Triumph.

And if you're moving through grief, heartbreak, or a season of profound change, you don't have to carry it alone. The Grief Healing Collectiveoffers support, connection, and a community that understands what it means to rebuild a life after loss.

If this conversation moved you, reach out at cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com. Because healing doesn't happen in isolation, it happens in moments like this one.

Millions of people read Amy Krouse Rosenthal's final Modern Love essay, You May Want to Marry My Husband.

It was a breathtaking love letter, a farewell, and an extraordinary act of generosity. Written from hospice just days before her death, Amy introduced the world to the man she loved and gave him something few people ever receive: permission to love again someday.

The essay touched millions. Then Amy died.

And Jason was left to figure out how to build a life he never imagined.

In this deeply moving conversation, Jason shares the part of the story the world never got to see. He mistook the panic attacks for a heart attack. The doctor's forms ask for an emergency contact. The checkboxes that ask whether you're married or single but have no place for "widower." The quiet, disorienting work of rebuilding a life after losing the person who knew you best.

He also introduces us to the Amy behind the essay: endlessly creative, deeply joyful, and someone who found wonder in ordinary days. Jason reflects on watching her write that now-famous piece from across the room in hospice, never realizing he was witnessing the final gift she would leave him.

This conversation is about far more than grief. It's about identity, resilience, and what happens when love continues after loss. Jason speaks candidly about dating again, introducing a new partner to his children, navigating the guilt and hope that can coexist after profound loss, and discovering that moving forward doesn't require leaving the person you love behind.

Whether you're grieving a spouse, a child, a parent, a friend, or the future you thought you would have, this episode is a reminder that love doesn't end when someone dies. It changes form. And sometimes, if we're willing to let it, it becomes the very thing that helps us begin again.

In this episode, we explore:

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The story behind Amy Krouse Rosenthal's unforgettable Modern Love essay and what happened after the world stopped watching.

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The physical toll of grief, including panic attacks, exhaustion, and the ways loss lives in the body.

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Why ordinary moments, paperwork, and everyday questions can become some of grief's deepest triggers.

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How new losses awaken old grief and why healing is anything but linear.

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Dating and falling in love after losing the love of your life, including the guilt, grace, and hope that come with opening your heart again.

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The difference between creating a life after loss and learning to live a meaningful life with loss.

To learn more about Jason Rosenthal, visithttp://jasonbrosenthal.comhis website or explore theBarr Harris Children and Family Grief and Loss Center and memoir, My Wife Said You May Want to Marry Me

And if you're moving through grief, heartbreak, or a season of profound change, you don't have to carry it alone. TheGrief Healing Collective offers support, connection, and a community that understands what it means to rebuild a life after loss.

If this conversation moved you, reach out at cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com. Because healing doesn't happen in isolation, it happens in moments like this one.

There are seasons in life when everything seems to shift at once.

You lose someone you love. Your body begins changing in ways you don't fully understand. Your emotions feel bigger, your energy disappears, your patience thins, and the strategies that used to carry you through life suddenly stop working.

Many women blame themselves.

They wonder why they can't keep up. Why they feel anxious, overwhelmed, forgetful, exhausted, or unlike themselves. What they often don't realize is that they may be navigating two profound transitions simultaneously: grief and menopause.

In this episode of Crying Out Loud, I sit down with Zanne Hollingshead, trauma-informed wellbeing advocate, certified life coach, and founder of Midlife Magic, for a conversation about an intersection that affects countless women yet is rarely discussed.

For Zanne, this topic is deeply personal. After losing her mother at age ten and later losing her sister, who had become a second mother to her, she found herself searching for answers about grief, hormones, and the profound ways both shape our emotional and physical well-being. What began as a personal journey became a mission to help other women understand what is happening in their minds, bodies, and hearts during midlife.

Together, we explore what happens when grief and hormonal change arrive at the same time. We talk about the sudden waves of rage, the exhaustion that rest doesn't seem to touch, the brain fog, anxiety, overwhelm, and the feeling that you've somehow lost access to the person you used to be.

We also discuss why so many women have been left uninformed about perimenopause, how outdated medical messaging has contributed to unnecessary suffering, and what women can do to advocate for themselves and get the support they deserve.

Most importantly, this conversation offers a different way of understanding what you're experiencing. Rather than viewing these symptoms as evidence that something is wrong with you, what if they are signals that your body is asking for care, attention, and a new way of living?

This is a conversation about loss, hormones, identity, resilience, and self-compassion. It is a reminder that you are not failing. You may simply be carrying more than anyone can see.

In This Episode, We Explore:

• Why grief and menopause can intensify one another in surprising ways

• The symptoms of perimenopause many women overlook or dismiss

• How hormonal changes can affect mood, memory, sleep, and emotional regulation

• The hidden burden of being "the strong one"

• How grief impacts the nervous system and why that matters in midlife

• Why so many women feel like they've lost themselves during this season of life

• What women need to know about hormone therapy and other forms of support

• How to stop fighting your body and start listening to what it may be trying to tell you

To learn more about Zanne Hollingshead and her work, visit herwebsite and/or her menopause community, Midlife Magic, where she offers education, resources, and community to women navigating midlife.

And if you're moving through grief, heartbreak, or a season of profound change, know that you don't have to do it alone. The Grief Healing Collectiveoffers support, connection, and a community that understands the unique challenges of rebuilding life after loss.

If this conversation resonated with you, we'd love to hear from you. Share your thoughts, questions, or story at cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

Because healing happens in connection. And no one should have to carry life's hardest seasons alone.

There are ways we learn to disappear long before we realize we're doing it.

Some of us become caretakers. Some become achievers. Some become peacemakers. We learn how to earn love, avoid conflict, meet expectations, and survive the environments that shaped us. Over time, those adaptations can become so familiar that we mistake them for our personalities.

But what happens when the cost of staying disconnected from ourselves becomes too high to ignore?

In this episode of Crying Out Loud, I sit down with renowned physician, bestselling author, and trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté for a powerful conversation about trauma, grief, illness, addiction, and the lifelong journey back to ourselves.

For more than five decades, Dr. Mate has explored the ways our emotional lives shape our physical health. Through his work in family medicine, palliative care, and addiction treatment, he has witnessed a truth that challenges much of what our culture believes about suffering: many of the struggles we experience as adults are not signs that something is wrong with us. They are adaptations to experiences that once helped us survive.

Together, we explore the hidden costs of self-abandonment and the ways unresolved trauma can quietly shape our relationships, our health, our parenting, and our sense of identity. We discuss why so many people carry guilt that does not belong to them, why sensitive children are often misunderstood, and how the pressure to be strong, agreeable, or selfless can disconnect us from our own needs.

This conversation also became unexpectedly personal.

Just over a year after the death of my son Sammy, I found myself sharing parts of my own story with Gabor. We talked about grief, parenting, guilt, and the questions that haunt so many bereaved parents. What emerged was not a conversation about blame. It was a conversation about understanding. About seeing ourselves through a lens of compassion rather than judgment.

What I appreciate most about Gabor's work is that he never asks us to fix ourselves. Instead, he invites us to become curious about the stories we've been living, the wounds we've been carrying, and the parts of ourselves we've learned to leave behind.

This episode is an invitation to do exactly that.

In This Episode, We Explore:

• How childhood adaptations become adult patterns

• Why self-abandonment is often mistaken for being "good"

• The connection between trauma, stress, and physical illness

• Why women disproportionately carry emotional burdens in their bodies

• A new way of understanding addiction that moves beyond blame and willpower

• The hidden roots of guilt and shame

• What highly sensitive children actually need from the adults who love them

• How grief can reactivate old wounds and unresolved pain

• The difference between healing and simply coping

• What it means to reconnect with your authentic self

To learn more about Dr. Gabor Maté and his work, visit his website and explore his books, including The Myth of Normal, When the Body Says No, and In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts. His groundbreaking work has helped millions better understand the connections between trauma, health, relationships, and healing.

And if you're navigating grief, loss, or a season of profound change, know that you don't have to do it alone. The Grief Healing Collective offers support, connection, and a community that understands the challenges of rebuilding life after loss.

If this conversation resonated with you, we'd love to hear from you. Share your thoughts, questions, or story at cryingoutloudpod@gmail.com.

Because healing begins when we stop running from our pain and start listening to what it has been trying to tell us all along.