Podcast

Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin

Education, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Self-Improvement

Growing mentally stronger will change your life and therapist Amy Morin wants to show you how to make it happen.

Whether you want to improve your mental health, boost your resilience, gain emotional intelligence, or gain a competitive edge that will help you reach your greatest potential, this show is for you.

Mentally Stronger provides therapist-approved strategies for tackling the biggest battle we all face--the one in our minds.

Webby Award-Winning Host Amy Morin is a psychotherapist and the bestselling author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. Every episode dives into science-backed strategies for building the mental strength you need to handle whatever life throws this way.

No one understands the importance of having mental strength more than Amy. Her personal journey surrounding grief and loss has led to her to take a deep dive into mental strength. And now, she's sharing what she learned along the way.

Her TEDx talk, The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong, is one of the most viewed talks of all time with 25 million views and she's sold over 1 million books. She's a speaker who teaches companies like Google, Under Armour, and NBC how to grow mentally stronger.

Unlike other shows, Mentally Stronger provides a unique blend of research-backed tips, stories of mental strength, and therapist-approved strategies that will empower you to thrive.

Join Amy on the transformative journey to mastering your mind. And the fun part is, she records the show from a sailboat in the Florida Keys.

Mental Health chart
#178
Episodes
374
Releases
Twice a week
Typical length
43 min
On air since
2023
Latest episode
1 day ago

Episodes

374 episodes, newest first

  1. 365 — Why Depression in Men Almost Never Looks Like Sadness and the Things That Actually Help With Therapist Jor-El Caraballo

    Show notes

    Depression in men rarely looks like sadness and instead, looks like irritability and impatience.

    And because it rarely looks like what we think depression should look. like, it often goes undetected and untreated for years. Whether you’re a man who recognizes some of these signs in yourself or you love a man who seems to be struggling, this episode is for you.

    My guest today is Jor-El Caraballo, a licensed therapist and co-founder of Viva, a multi-state mental health practice. His new book is Meditations on Becoming a Man.

    Some of the things we discuss are:

    • Why depression in men almost never looks the way we expect it to — and the signs that most people miss
    • The “preordained scripts” men carry about what a good husband, father, son, or provider is supposed to look like
    • Why anger is almost always an umbrella emotion and the word Jor-El uses to describe what’s actually underneath it
    • The one question every man should ask himself when a small thing has ruined his whole day
    • Why the three most common coping mechanisms Jor-El sees all look socially acceptable from the outside
    • “John Henry syndrome” and why the ability to endure gets confused with being a man
    • Why so many men say they don’t have anyone to talk to even when they’re surrounded by people
    • Why “stumbling your way through it” is okay when you don’t know what to say
    • The specific warning signs that someone might be battling depression without even realizing it
    • How to talk to a man in your life if you think he has depression
    • The Therapist’s Take: My top three strategies for recognizing and responding to depression in the men you love

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • ⁠⁠⁠⁠213 — 5 Signs of High Functioning Depression and What to Do About It with Dr. Judith Joseph

    • ⁠307 — Eco Medicine Doctor: How to Use Nature to Reduce Depression, Kill Anxiety, and Extend Your Life

    Links & Resources

    Meditations on Becoming a Man

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    Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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    49 min
  2. 364 — How to Stop Making a Hard Situation Even More Miserable

    Episode 364

    Show notes

    Without meaning to, most of us make hard situations even harder with the stories we tell ourselves about them. The good news is you can stop adding extra misery, no matter how tough things get.

    Today I’m sharing three simple tools to keep you from fueling your misery, plus how to tell when you shouldn’t try to make the best of an unhealthy situation.

    Some of the things I talk about are:

    • The corporate job I took during the pandemic, and the one thought that kept making it more miserable.
    • Why it’s not the situation itself that makes us miserable, but the story we tell ourselves about it.
    • What making the best of a hard situation is not, and why mental strength isn’t about gritting your teeth through anything.
    • The question to ask yourself first: is this something to accept for now, or something to change or leave?
    • The sneaky words that turn a preference into a demand, and what to say instead.
    • Why saying “I can’t stand this” makes things feel worse, even while you’re standing it.
    • How labeling yourself or others keeps you stuck, and what to do instead.
    • The question that turns a hard situation into a chance to grow mentally stronger.
    • My challenge for you this week to start shifting your mindset.

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • 198 —When Life Hits Hard: Build Resilience and Come Back Stronger
    • 248 — The 3 Words That Will Make You Mentally Stronger

    Links & Resources

    Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    Connect with Amy on Instagram —⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@AmyMorinAuthor⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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    AG1 — Save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ DrinkAG1.com/mentallystronger⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

    Nobl Travel — Head to⁠⁠⁠ ⁠NoblTravel.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ for up to 46% Off your entire order.

    Hers — Visit⁠⁠⁠ ⁠forhers.com/morin⁠⁠⁠⁠ to access personalized, affordable care for weight loss, hair, menopause, and more.

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    19 min
  3. 363 - Busy But Not Getting Enough Done? The Only 3 Things You Need to Be More Productive With Dr. Christian Poensgen

    Episode 344

    Show notes

    Do you feel busy all day but still go to bed wondering what you actually got done? Maybe you've tried productivity tricks like waking up early, tracking your habits or downloading apps and when it doens't work, you decided you're the problem.

    Well research suggests the average person gets only about 24 minutes of truly focused work a day, and more hacks won’t fix that.

    My guest, Dr. Christian Poensgen, says only three things determine how much you get done. And when you address all three, you can become ultra productive.

    Some of the things we discuss are:

    • Why the average person gets only about 24 minutes of real focused work a day.
    • Why the first 10 minutes of focused work always feel awful, and why that’s a sign you’re doing it right.
    • The 90-minute energy cycle, and what happens when you push past it.
    • Why scrolling on your break is still work for your brain, and what to do instead.
    • How you can sleep a full eight hours and still get “junk sleep.”
    • The two types of sleep you need, and why cutting your sleep short skips your brain’s “overnight therapy.”
    • Three simple changes that improve sleep quality, including one involving a $40 lamp.
    • Why some stress is actually good for you, and how stressing yourself out on purpose can make you more resilient.
    • The Therapist’s Take: my top three takeaways for improving your productivity

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • ⁠⁠⁠⁠223 — How to Get the Deep Rest You Need for a Stronger, Clearer Mind with Dr. Therese Huston⁠
    • 306 — You Don't Need to Feel Strong to Be Strong

    Links & Resources

    ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ultraproductive

    Connect with the Show

    Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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    Hers — Visit ⁠⁠⁠forhers.com/morin⁠⁠⁠ to access personalized, affordable care for weight loss, hair, menopause, and more.

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    57 min
  4. 362 — Feeling Drained? 3 Two-Minute Energy Fixes (And How to Pick the Right One)

    Show notes

    Do you ever run out of energy by the middle of the day, or feel like you’re on empty before the day even starts?

    Most of us reach for the same fix every time, like more coffee, something sweet, or a quick scroll that turns into 20 minutes. But there are at least three different reasons you might feel drained, and two of them have little to do with your energy. If you reach for the wrong fix, it can backfire. Today I’m sharing three two-minute fixes that give you an energy boost, and how to tell which one you actually need.

    Some of the things I talk about are:

    • What I do on afternoons when I’m writing a book and my brain stops working, and why another cup of coffee doesn’t help.
    • Why most of us use one go-to energy fix no matter what’s actually going on.
    • The psychology principle that explains why you can feel drained whether you’re wound too tight or too flat.
    • A simple 1-to-10 check-in that tells you which kind of drained you are.
    • Why caffeine is the worst thing to reach for when you feel wired and exhausted at the same time.
    • My favorite breathing exercise and the Stanford research that shows why it works.
    • The study that compared climbing stairs to drinking coffee, and which one gave people more energy.
    • An easy trick for your eyes when you’ve been staring at a screen all day.
    • How to tell when you’re not really tired but just dreading something, and the 10-minute rule that gets you unstuck.
    • Why your brain wants to finish what it starts once you hit the two-minute mark.
    • When a two-minute fix isn’t enough, and what to look at instead.

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • 313 — Tired of People Draining You? The Empathy Rule That Protects Your Energy Without Making You Cold With Dr. D. Ivan Young
    • ⁠⁠⁠⁠258 - 7 Sneaky Mindset Traps Draining Your Mental Strength (And How to Stop Them)
    • 65 — Instant Calm: The One Minute Breathing Exercise to Reduce Stress and Anxiety
    • 244 — The Science of Motivation: How to Get Things Done When You Feel Stuck

    Links & Resources

    Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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    23 min
  5. 361 — You’re Not a Bad Person for Feeling Envy. Here’s What You Can Actually Learn From It With Dr. Stacey Kim

    Episode 361

    Show notes

    Have you ever gotten good news from a friend and felt bad instead of happy for them? Or someone in the group chat announced they’re pregnant — and instead of feeling excited, you felt a little sick to your stomach. And then you felt guilty for feeling that way, so you typed “congratulations” and moved on.

    The truth is, all of us feel envy sometimes. But most of us have been taught to get rid of it. We’ve heard that comparison is the thief of joy. G my guest today says that’s because envy isn’t a sign that there’s something wrong with you — it’s information about what you actually want.

    My guest is Dr. Stacy Kim, a social scientist who has done research at Columbia University’s National Center for Children and Families and the Families and Work Institute. Her new book is Envy.

    Some of the things we discuss are:

    • The real difference between envy and jealousy and why using them interchangeably keeps you stuck
    • Why “comparison is the thief of joy” is bad advice
    • The four components of envy that reveal what your envy is actually trying to tell you
    • What envy means about the gap between where you are and where you want to be
    • The intangible desire hiding underneath every object of your envy
    • Why gratitude isn’t the antidote to envy
    • The Korean word for envy that doesn’t exist in English and how having two words for it changes everything
    • Why high achievers and over-givers tend to experience more envy
    • The four questions to ask yourself on an index card the next time envy shows up
    • How to handle the hardest kind of envy
    • The Therapist’s Take: My top three strategies for letting your envy teach you something starting today

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • ⁠196 — How Comparison Culture is Secretly Sabotaging Your Mental Strength⁠⁠⁠⁠
    • 332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It⁠

    Links & Resources

    ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Envy

    Connect with the Show

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    46 min
  6. 360 — Only One Trying in Your Friendship? Why Keeping Score Backfires (And What to Do Instead)

    Show notes

    Are you always the one who reaches out first? You send the text, plan the dinner, and remember everyone’s birthday. At some point you start to wonder, if I just stopped trying, would anyone even notice?

    So you start keeping track about who called last and whose turn it is to invite everyone. But keeping score just makes you more resentful.

    Today I’m sharing three ways to stop keeping score, how to tell whether a friendship is truly one-sided, and what to do when you’ve tried everything and it still doesn’t feel reciprocal.

    Some of the things I talk about are:

    • The way I sometimes keep score in relationships.
    • What my survey of couples revealed about resentment, and why the same thing happens in friendships.
    • How keeping score fuels resentment.
    • How hidden frustration can create the pattern you're trying to avoid.
    • The one question that tells you whether your friend is in a hard season or just not invested.
    • Why dropping hints backfires, and what to say when you feel taken advantage of.
    • The difference between making a healthy sacrifice and becoming a martyr.
    • What to do when you’ve tried everything and the friendship still feels one-sided.

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • ⁠143 — Unlocking Adult Friendships and Improve Your Social Health with Kasley Killam
    • ⁠358 — 4 Boundaries to Stop Being the Person Everyone Takes Advantage Of

    Links & Resources

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    23 min
  7. 359 —⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Always Been Told You’re “Too Sensitive”? 6 Signs You’re a Highly Sensitive Person With Psychotherapist April Snow

    Episode 359

    Show notes

    Do you notice things other people miss , like a shift in someone’s tone or tension in the room before anyone says a word? Do you need more time to recover than the people around you, so even a fun party or a good work trip can leave you completely wiped out for days?

    If that sounds like you, chances are someone has told you at some point that you’re too sensitive. Maybe you’ve even wondered if there’s something wrong with you.

    My guest today is April Snow, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in working with highly sensitive people. And she shares some strategies that can help you be your best when you're a sensitive person.

    Some of the things we discuss are:

    • The six traits that tell you whether you’re actually a highly sensitive person
    • What the research actually shows about the strengths that come with being a highly sensitive person
    • Why 90% of HSPs need more sleep
    • Why HSPs feel joy more intensely than other people
    • The difference between being a highly sensitive person and just being an introvert
    • How to spot the “ghosts” from the past that make a current emotion feel bigger than the moment deserves
    • Why “think more, worry less” is actually the right advice for HSPs
    • Why giving yourself more processing time can actually quiet your mind
    • How to set boundaries without the guilt
    • The Therapist’s Take: My top three strategies for working with your sensitivity instead of against it

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • 148 — How to Take Charge of Your Feelings
    • ⁠⁠⁠332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It

    Links & Resources

    ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Big Feelings, Big Joy

    Connect with the Show

    Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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    43 min
  8. 358 — 4 Boundaries to Stop Being the Person Everyone Takes Advantage Of

    Episode 358

    Show notes

    Are you the person everyone comes to? Someone asks you to cover a shift, join the committee, host the gathering, or help with the move, and the yes comes out before you’ve even thought about it. Then you’re driving home wondering, why did I just agree to that?

    Saying yes to everything doesn’t make people appreciate you more. It can teach them your time isn’t worth much, and it can take a toll on your health, your career, and your relationships. Today I’m sharing four boundaries that help you stop saying yes to everything, even if you’re everyone’s go-to person.

    Some of the things I talk about are:

    • The “30-minute” favor I agreed to that kept growing, and why I didn’t speak up sooner.
    • The surprising reason one of my therapy clients got passed over for a promotion for 10 years.
    • What research says about how being the go-to person affects burnout, job satisfaction, and happiness.
    • The simple default phrase that buys you time before the yes slips out.
    • Why giving a long excuse when you say no backfires, and what to say instead.
    • How nodding along when you disagree teaches people your agreement doesn’t mean anything.
    • What “role creep” is, and how to spot it at work and at home.
    • Why feeling guilty doesn’t mean you did something wrong.
    • What to do when your boundaries have slipped and it feels too late to set them.

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • 49 — 7 Boundary Mistakes That Damage Relationships
    • 218 — 3 Steps to Building Boundaries That Stick So You Can Reclaim Your Time and Energy

    Links & Resources

    Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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    20 min
  9. 357 — Short on Time? These 30-Second Habits Are as Effective as Meditating for 30 Minutes With Dr. Eli Susman

    Show notes

    Have you ever downloaded a meditation app you swore you were going to use? Or bought a journal that's still sitting on your nightstand? Or promised yourself that starting Monday, you'd finally do that 20-minute morning routine that was going to change everything — only to abandon it a week later?

    Most of us have some version of that story. And we usually decide it means we lack self-discipline, that we're not the kind of person who follows through, that we just can't stick with anything.

    But my guest today says time is the real problem. Dr. Eli Susman, a psychologist and former Harvard researcher who coined the term micropractice — well-being practices that take 30 seconds or less.

    Some of the things we discuss are:

    • The three-breath meditation retreat moment that launched Eli's research into micro practices
    • The 20-second self-compassionate touch exercise that produced results comparable to much more time-intensive interventions
    • Why consistency matters more than duration wellness habits
    • The micropractice that lowers mortality risk by 44–54%
    • How to boost your productivity by 15% in under 30 seconds
    • How to develop a cue that reminds you to engage in your habit
    • The four types of micro practices
    • The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for building wellness habits that actually stick

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • 260 —⁠ Temptation Bundling: The Science-Backed Trick to Make Habits Stick
    • ⁠⁠232 — 5 Daily Habits To Build Unstoppable Mental Strength

    Links & Resources

    ⁠⁠⁠⁠Micropractice

    Connect with the Show

    Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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    45 min
  10. 356 — 5 Ways to Stay Mentally Strong at Work When Your Personal Life Is Falling Apart

    Episode 276

    Show notes

    Have you ever had to walk into work and act like everything was fine while your whole life was falling apart? Maybe you're going through a divorce, fielding calls about an aging parent between meetings, or you received a scary diagnosis the day before a big presentation.

    Quitting usually isn't an option, and "just leave it at the door" isn't much help either. Today I'm sharing five of the biggest struggles people face when they have to keep showing up during a personal crisis, and the mental strength play that helps with each one.

    Some of the things I talk about are:

    • How I got myself back to work, and in front of clients, after my husband died.
    • The difference between compartmentalizing and suppressing, and why one helps while the other catches up with you later.
    • Why telling yourself "don't think about it" makes intrusive thoughts worse, and the simple scheduling trick that quiets them.
    • How to handle kind coworkers who keep asking how you're doing (often the hardest part of the day).
    • What to consider before telling your boss what's going on.
    • Why work can suddenly feel meaningless, and how the 10-minute rule gets you moving anyway.
    • The "smile file" I kept in my filing cabinet, and how to build one on your phone before you need it.
    • The one question to ask on your drive home when it feels like you've lost all control.
    • Why these plays get you through a workday but not through the crisis itself, and what that bigger job requires.

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • 248 — The 3 Words That Will Make You Mentally Stronger
    • ⁠⁠⁠⁠278 — The 3 Mindset Shifts You Will Help You Grow Mentally Stronger This Year

    Links & Resources

    Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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    21 min
  11. 355 — Why Even Mentally Strong People Sometimes Cheat, Lie and Break Their Own Rules with Dr. Glenn Hutchinson

    Episode 355

    Show notes

    Have you ever done something that went against everything you believe about yourself? Maybe you think of yourself as an honest person, but you round up hours on your timesheet. Or maybe you say family is the most important thing in your life, but you spend the entire weekend working. Or maybe it's something bigger — something you still can't fully explain, even though it happened years ago.

    Most of us assume that when we act against our values, it's because we're weak. But there's evidence that shows even mentally strong people might sometimes lie, cheat or break their own rules.

    My guest is Dr. Glenn Hutchinson, a psychologist who has spent years studying why people's behavior isn't always in line with their values.

    Some of the things we discuss are:

    • Why the explanations we come up with for our own behavior are often completely wrong (and the famous 1977 study that proved it)
    • Why we judge other people more harshly than we judge ourselves for the exact same behavior
    • Why willpower fails almost everyone eventually
    • What the new GLP-1 medications reveal about how unconscious urges actually work
    • Why happily married people can still be unfaithful and the ancient brain systems that operate independently of our values
    • The dangerous "I've already blown it" thinking that turns one small slip into a full-blown spiral
    • The story of the man who left an inpatient facility convinced he was a narcissist when he wasn't even close
    • The chilling examples of how our conscious mind fails us
    • Why insight and behavior change are two completely different things
    • The two questions to ask about any bad habit
    • The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for getting your behavior in line with your values

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • 132 — Understand Your Habits by Uncovering the Emotional Thread That Drives Your Behavior
    • ⁠49 — 7 Boundary Mistakes That Damage Relationships

    Links & Resources

    ⁠⁠⁠Unfaithful Minds

    Connect with the Show

    Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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    48 min
  12. 354 — How to Stop a Negative Thought Spiral in 2 Minutes (Backed by Science)

    Episode 384

    Show notes

    Pick up a copy of The Mental Strength Playbook.

    Maybe you replay a conversation that already happened, second-guess a decision you already made, or keep going back over what you should've done differently. A negative thought spiral is hard to break and the more you try to suppress a thought, the more it will keep popping back up.

    So today I'm sharing one of my favorite mental strength plays to literally get unhelpful thoughts out of your head. I'll walk you through the play, the surprising study on why it works, and exactly how to do it right.

    Some of the things I talk about are:

    • Why you usually can't think your way out of a negative loop (the thing keeping it going is the thinking itself).
    • The study that shows how to change which thoughts you believe.
    • The one version of this that doesn't work at all, no matter how hard you try it.
    • How to run the play, step by step.
    • Why you have to write the ugly, honest version of the thought.
    • The mistakes that make this play backfire.
    • Why this isn't for every negative thought—and how to know when it's the wrong play and you need a different one.

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • 284 — Overthinking? Here’s the 3-Word Fix You Need to Stop the Spiral
    • ⁠328 — The Best Way to Solve a Problem When You Feel Hopeless: Brainstorm the Worst Ideas First

    Links & Resources

    Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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    20 min
  13. 353 — The Hidden Childhood Wound Behind the Relationships You Keep Ending Up In with Trauma Therapist Dr. Gillian O'Shea Brown

    Episode 353

    Show notes

    Have you ever wondered why you attract the same type of person over and over or wondered why you keep ending up in the same situation? You might tell yourself you never want to change but end up right back in a similar situation again.

    My guest today says there's a reason for that. Every one of us has what she calls a psychological Achilles heel — a tender spot formed early in life around a belief like I'm not lovable or I'm not good enough — and it lies dormant until something or someone presses on it. And we're often unconsciously drawn to the people who press on it, because part of us is trying to go back and finally get it right.

    My guest is Dr. Gillian O'Shea Brown, a psychotherapist and complex trauma specialist who authored the textbook Healing Complex PTSD, used at NYU graduate schools.

    Some of the things we discuss are:

    • What a psychological Achilles heel is and why it lies dormant until the wrong person or situation presses on it
    • Why we unconsciously seek out the people who reopen our oldest wounds
    • Why your brain will pick familiar chaos over unpredictable peace and how that shows up in dating
    • Why the butterflies you feel around certain people were never really about attraction
    • The I AM inventory that reveals who you actually become around specific people
    • What your body is trying to tell you about the people you spend time with
    • The Erotic Emotional Map for tracing your relationship patterns back to their earliest source
    • Why "pruning" your relationships is only half the work and what to do with the empty space that scares most people back into old patterns
    • How to have the "updated conversations" most married couples never actually have
    • The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for breaking the patterns that keep repeating in your life

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • 249 — The Hidden Link Between Childhood Trauma and Chronic Health Issues with Dr. Aimie Apigian

    • 302 — Why You Choose Familiar Pain Over Unfamiliar Peace (and How to Break Free From Those Patterns)

    Links & Resources

    ⁠⁠Psyche's Awakening

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    49 min
  14. 352 — Not Sad, Not Happy, Just... Nothing? Why You Feel Numb—and How to Come Back

    Episode 352

    Show notes

    Have you ever felt like you just don't feel anything at all? Not exactly sad, but not happy either. Something good happens and you think, well, that's nice. Something bad happens and you think, okay. And you move through your days feeling sort of flat.

    That's emotional numbness. And while it might seem like a good thing to numb yourself to discomfort, there are some downsides to it too.

    Some of the things I talk about are:

    • The winter I couldn't even feel the cold—and how the feeling came back so slowly I almost missed it.
    • The four different kinds of numb, and why the right response depends on which one you're in.
    • Why you can't selectively numb the hard feelings without dimming joy and excitement along with them.
    • The reason feeling numb leaves so many people exhausted—even though it seems like they're not doing anything at all.
    • Why the feelings you push down don't disappear—and how they resurface two years later in the grocery store.
    • Why coming back to life isn't a dam bursting, but a dimmer switch your brain controls on purpose.
    • Why chasing a big emotion (the sad movie, the old photos) often backfires and the small thing to reach for instead.
    • The "flicker" to watch for, and why motivation follows action here, not the other way around.

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • 272 — How to Handle Big Emotions: 5 Science-Backed Skills to Stay in Control

    • 332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It

    Links & Resources

    Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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    19 min
  15. 351 — How to Build the Self-Worth You Need to Feel Good Enough (Without Faking It, Affirming It, or Achieving It) With Dr. Marisa Franco

    Episode 285

    Show notes

    Have you ever finally gotten something that you thought would make you feel worthy, like a degree or a promotion, and you still felt like you weren't good enough? Or maybe when someone gives you a genuine compliment, you feel worse instead of better.

    My guest is Dr. Marisa Franco, a psychologist, professor at the University of Maryland, and New York Times bestselling author. And she says we've been lied to about what really builds self-worth. But the good news is, once we learn the truth, we can all increase our self-worth without achieving more.

    Some of the things we discuss are:

    • Why compliments and success can actually feel threatening when you're struggling with self-worth
    • The difference between the two kinds of high self-esteem (and how to tell which one you actually have)
    • Why "I only date secure people" misses how humans actually work — and the case for being "secure-ish" instead
    • Why memories are the "database of self-esteem" — and how the brain uses your past to predict your future
    • How to go back to a painful memory and give your younger self exactly what they needed
    • Why you don't have to remember what happened to heal past wounds
    • The three-step framework to try the next time you feel bad about yourself
    • Healthy ways to handle hard feelings
    • The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for building real self-worth starting today

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠219 — Stop Hating Yourself: A Step-by-Step Guide to Reclaiming Your Worth with Dr. Blaise Aguirre⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
    • 104 — What Your Sentimental Keepsakes Reveal About Your Self-Worth

    Links & Resources

    ⁠Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment

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    45 min
  16. 350 — How to Stay Mentally Strong in the Age of AI

    Show notes

    When's the last time you asked AI to help you with something personal? Maybe you pasted in a text message and asked what the person really meant by it. Maybe you laid out both sides of a hard decision and asked what you should do.

    AI can be genuinely helpful for quick answers—but if you're not careful, it may be quietly draining your mental strength. I'm already seeing this unfold in my therapy office as people hand over more and more. And I fell into it myself, running my own emails through Claude before I realized I wasn't getting better information—I was just getting a stamp of approval. In today's episode, I'll explain how leaning on AI can weaken your ability to trust your own judgment, the three things you should never outsource to it, and the simple rule that protects your mind in the age of AI.

    Some of the things I talk about are:

    • The moment I caught myself defaulting to a chatbot instead of my own voice—after decades of writing my own emails without a second thought.
    • The MIT study on what happens in your brain when you lean on AI to think for you—and the "cognitive debt" you rack up without noticing.
    • The one simple rule that changes everything about how you use AI (and why the order you do things matters more than you'd think).
    • Why asking AI about your feelings is really asking for permission to feel them—and the mental strength skill you lose when you do.
    • The friend who let AI choose between two jobs, moved across the country, and later couldn't explain how he'd made the decision.
    • Why AI is at its absolute weakest on the decisions that matter most about your life.
    • The woman whose relationship AI called "avoidant" one day and "securely attached" the next—and what it reveals about outsourcing your read on other people.
    • Why AI makes an old trap easier than ever: the friend who'd eventually push back at 3am, and the chatbot that never will.

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • 248 — The 3 Words That Will Make You Mentally Stronger
    • 204 — 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do in Today’s World

    Links & Resources

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    21 min
  17. 349 — 7 Uncomfortable Truths That Are Keeping You Stuck (And What to Do About Each One) With Psychotherapist Kier Gaines

    Episode 349

    Show notes

    Most people wait for the right moment, the right feeling, the right amount of information before they change. But my guest today says it all starts when you confront the seven uncomfortable truths that are holding you back.

    My guest is Kier Gaines, a licensed professional counselor who reaches more than 40 million people on social media every month. His new book is It All Starts When You Do.

    Some of the things we discuss are:

    • Why waiting for the right moment costs you the life you want
    • The difference between accountability and self-blame
    • Why self-awareness alone almost never leads to change (and what actually does)
    • The seven uncomfortable truths and why the first step isn't fixing them, it's getting curious about them
    • Why affirmations can make you feel worse
    • Why overwhelm is often a failure of systems, not a failure of your capabilities
    • The five stages of behavioral change and why knowing which one you're in changes what you should actually do next
    • Why "I only date healed people" misses how humans actually work
    • Why distress tolerance might be the single most important skill for growing mentally stronger
    • The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for starting when you're not ready

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠86 — The 6 Stages of Change: How to Transform Your Life

    • ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It⁠

    Links & Resources

    It All Starts When You Do

    Connect with the Show

    Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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    51 min
  18. 348 — Still Cringing About Something You Did Years Ago? Here's Why (And How to Stop).

    Episode 348

    Show notes

    Is there a moment from your past that still makes you cringe? Something you said at a party years ago, a text you wish you could unsend, a version of you that you can't believe you ever were? And does that moment ever run through your mind when you don't wish to replay it?

    In today's episode, I'll share a cringe moments that my brain loves to replay, explain why certain moments get cemented in there forever, and give you three strategies to move through them—so you can stop feeling the pain all over again and stop letting those memories shrink your life.

    Some of the things I talk about are:

    • The on-camera interview I've never once been able to bring myself to watch—and the part I left out that still makes me cringe.
    • Why your brain files a social slip-up like a physical injury, and treats an awkward comment like a threat to your survival.
    • Why embarrassment and shame stick when almost every other bad feeling fades—and what that says about the moments you can't shake.
    • How replaying cringe can shrinks your life.
    • Why "cringe" may stem from three different feelings and why it's so important to label them correctly.
    • The reason your brain replays the worst four seconds on a loop instead of the whole scene—and how to change the story it's telling.
    • The "spotlight effect," and the research showing how badly we overestimate how many people even noticed.

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • ⁠59 — 3 Ways to Take Back Your Power When Negative People Try to Drag You Down⁠
    • ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠199 — Can You Really Change Who You Are? The Surprising Truth About Personality With Olga Khazan

    Connect with the Show

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    23 min
  19. 347 — The One Question That Will Tell You Whether Your Go-To Coping Skill Is Actually Helping You With Dr. Celeste Birkhofer

    Episode 347

    Show notes

    When something goes wrong in your day—bad news, a disagreement with a loved one, or a tough rejection—what do you actually reach for to cope?

    Most of us have one move. We drink, we scroll, we run, we clean, we call someone. And it probably works—which is why we keep doing it.

    But my guest today says that's where the trouble starts. Every coping strategy you have began as your best attempt at getting a need met. And when you only have one move, even a good one can turn into something that no longer serves you.

    My guest is Dr. Celeste Birkhofer, a licensed clinical psychologist and adjunct clinical faculty at Stanford Medical School's Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. Her new book is Beyond Quick Fixes.

    Some of the things we discuss are:

    • Why your one go-to coping skill probably started as a solution — and how to tell when it's crossed into something that's costing you
    • The difference between a quick fix that helps you (like slow breathing when your heart is pounding) and one that's harming you
    • Why some of your greatest strengths—being driven, being independent, being agreeable—might also be the things holding you back
    • The two ingredients every real change requires (and why insight alone almost never gets you there)
    • Dr. Birkhofer's story of using food to cope in college — and how she traced it back to what she learned about handling emotions as a kid
    • The writing exercise that helps you connect the dots between your childhood and your current patterns without shame
    • The three parts of yourself and why one of them needs to be in the driver's seat
    • Why the people closest to you sometimes push back when you try to change and how to tell if they're drawing out your best or keeping you stuck
    • The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for building coping skills that actually work

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • ⁠⁠⁠330 — The Real Reason Your Coping Skills Aren't Helping (It's Not You)

    • ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It

    Links & Resources

    Beyond Quick Fixes

    Connect with the Show

    Buy a copy of⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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    49 min
  20. 346 — How to Stop Taking Things So Personally (And Stop Giving Away Your Power)

    Show notes

    Have you ever sent a text and expected a fun response but all you got was a word one answer and then you spent the rest of the day wondering what you did wrong? Or heard a comment in a group chat and felt it was aimed at you? Most of the time, the thing you're taking personally has almost nothing to do with you—but your brain will work hard to convince you otherwise.

    I've done this too, during the hardest stretch of my life, even though I'm a therapist who teaches people not to. In today's episode, I'll walk you through what's really happening when you take something personally, why it costs you more than you might think, and three things you can do the next time your brain insists you're the reason someone acted the way they did.

    Some of the things I talk about are:

    • The story I built about myself to explain what happened when I was grieving.
    • Why your brain reaches for the one explanation that puts you at the center, out of a hundred it could have picked.
    • What the research says about the critical feedback people give.
    • Why taking things personally goes beyond just feeling bad.
    • The surprising study on reaching out to someone you've lost touch with, and what your brain gets wrong about it.
    • How to separate hurt feelings from beliefs about yourself.

    Related Episodes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

    • 59 — 3 Ways to Take Back Your Power When Negative People Try to Drag You Down
    • ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠278 — The 3 Mindset Shifts You Will Help You Grow Mentally Stronger This Year

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    21 min