Porn Free Millennial Podcast

Getting Everything You Want Is the REAL Horror | Obsession Movie Analysis | Dr. Gregory Borse

Unmasking Our Obsession: The Horror of Getting Everything You Desire

What if getting everything you’ve ever wanted turned out to be the most terrifying thing imaginable?

Welcome to Porn Free Millennial’s Third Annual Halloween Special! 🎃

This year, Dr. Gregory Borse returns to explore the psychological horror film Obsession (2026), a disturbing story about desire, infatuation, control, and the terrifying consequences of getting exactly what you wish for.

But beneath the film’s unsettling premise lies an even more uncomfortable question:

Are we living through an obsession epidemic of our own making?

In a culture saturated with pornography, sexualized entertainment, social media, and instant gratification, we’ve become increasingly accustomed to pursuing whatever we desire, whenever we desire it.

But what happens when desire becomes obsession? When attraction becomes possession? When the people we claim to love become little more than objects of our fantasies?

And perhaps most importantly, what happens when getting everything we want leaves us with nothing we actually need?

Joining me once again is Dr. Gregory Borse, professor, author, and film enthusiast, for a deep dive into the psychological, philosophical, and cultural themes of Obsession.

Together, we examine how horror films expose uncomfortable truths about human nature, why unchecked desire can become destructive, and how the film’s central themes mirror our modern relationship with pornography, intimacy, and personal freedom.

In This Episode, We Explore:

* Obsession (2026): The film’s premise, symbolism, psychological horror, and underlying messages.

* The Psychology of Obsession: Where does healthy attraction end and unhealthy fixation begin?

* Pornography and Modern Desire: How unlimited access to sexual content can shape our expectations of intimacy, relationships, and gratification.

* Love vs. Possession: The dangerous difference between loving someone and wanting to control them.

* The Instant Gratification Epidemic: How modern technology encourages us to chase pleasure without considering its consequences.

* Horror as Cultural Commentary: Why some of the most unsettling horror stories reveal truths about the world we inhabit.

* The Paradox of Freedom: Can getting everything we desire ultimately become another form of imprisonment?

The Question Worth Asking

Who’s really obsessed with whom?

We often imagine freedom as the ability to do whatever we want, whenever we want.

But what if genuine freedom requires something far more difficult?

The ability to say no to ourselves.

Obsession provides a chilling opportunity to examine the difference between pursuing our desires and becoming prisoners of them.

And in a world increasingly defined by consumption, stimulation, and the relentless pursuit of pleasure, that distinction may be more important than ever.

About Professor Gregory Borse

Professor Gregory Borse is an educator, writer, and film enthusiast with a passion for exploring the deeper meanings behind storytelling, cinema, literature, and culture.

A returning guest and longtime friend of Porn Free Millennial, Professor Borse brings a thoughtful, analytical perspective to our annual Halloween specials, examining how horror films reflect the fears, desires, moral dilemmas, and cultural challenges of our time.

His conversations with host Mac Dohm go beyond traditional film criticism, exploring the intersection of human psychology, sexuality, relationships, faith, and the consequences of unchecked desire.

For our 3rd Annual Halloween Special, Professor Borse returns to dissect Obsession, examining the unsettling distinction between love and possession, the dangers of manufactured intimacy, and what happens when our deepest desires become our greatest nightmares.

Connect with Dr. Gregory Borse

About Porn Free Millennial

Porn Free Millennial is dedicated to helping people break free from pornography, overcome shame, build meaningful relationships, and rediscover lives of purpose, connection, and personal freedom.

Through conversations about recovery, psychology, faith, culture, and the human condition, we challenge the narratives that keep people trapped and explore what it truly means to live free.

Break Free. Stay Free. Be Free.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight.

Join the Conversation

Have you watched Obsession? What did you take away from its portrayal of desire and control?

Do you believe our culture has developed an unhealthy relationship with instant gratification?

And here’s the bigger question:

Is true freedom getting everything you want, or learning that you don’t need everything you want?

Share your thoughts and join the conversation.

Resources to Help You Break Free

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re struggling with pornography, shame, or feeling stuck in patterns you want to change, you don’t have to navigate recovery alone.

I offer a FREE one-hour discovery call where we can discuss your struggles, your goals, and what recovery might look like in your life.

For those interested in continued support, I offer personalized 8-week and 12-week coaching programs focused on accountability, rebuilding integrity, and developing healthier habits.

Schedule Your FREE 1-Hour Discovery Call →

🔒 Take Your Online Accountability to the Next Level

I’ve used Ever Accountable as my online accountability software for almost two years, and it’s been an important part of my recovery.

Technology alone won’t create freedom, but building transparency and accountability into your digital life can make a tremendous difference.

Through my partnership with Ever Accountable, you can try the software FREE for 14 days and receive 20% OFF monthly or yearly plans.

Try Ever Accountable — 14 Days FREE + 20% OFF →

Affiliate disclosure: I may earn a commission when you subscribe through my link, at no additional cost to you. Your support helps keep Porn Free Millennial going.

About Porn Free Millennial

I’m Mac Dohm, creator and host of Porn Free Millennial.

After struggling with pornography for more than 20 years, I began my recovery journey in 2018.

Today, I share personal experiences, honest conversations, and practical resources to help men break free from pornography, overcome shame, rebuild relationships, and live lives of integrity.

Through my writing, podcast, and coaching, I explore recovery, faith, accountability, emotional healing, and what it means to live a life you don’t want to escape from.

Break Free. Stay Free. Be Free.

Join the Conversation

I want to leave you with a question:

Who has shown you unconditional love during one of the most difficult seasons of your life?

Maybe it was a parent, a spouse, a friend, your faith, or a beloved pet.

What did their love teach you?

I’d love to hear your story in the comments.

And here’s a small challenge for this week:

Reach out to someone who loved you through a difficult season and tell them what their love has meant to you.

Don’t wait until they’re gone to express your gratitude.

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone who might need a reminder that they are loved, valued, and capable of change.

To Bo, my old friend and loyal shadow:

Thank you for eight incredible years. Thank you for staying by my side. And thank you for teaching me what unconditional love looks like.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Break Free. Stay Free. Be Free.

— Mac

Support the Podcast

If this conversation challenged your thinking, please consider:

* Following/Subscribing to stay up to date → Substack, YouTube, Apple, Spotify

* Leaving a 5-star review (if applicable, helps get the episode to more people)

* Sharing this episode with someone who loves film, philosophy, or recovery

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to s…

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

What My Dog Taught Me About Unconditional Love, Shame & Porn Addiction Recovery

Lessons from an Old Dog — A tribute to Bo, my loyal companion through heartbreak, recovery, and rebuilding my life.

What if one of the greatest lessons about unconditional love didn’t come from another person, but from an old dog?

For eight years, my dog Bo stood beside me through some of the darkest and most transformative moments of my life.

He witnessed my marriage, my struggles with pornography, the breakdown of that marriage, my divorce, and the long journey of recovery and rebuilding my life.

He was there when I hit rock bottom.

He was there when shame convinced me I wasn’t worthy of love.

He was there when I began picking up the pieces of a life I thought I’d lost.

And through it all, he never stopped loving me.

On August 9, 2026, I said goodbye to Bo. He was 17 years old.

Losing him was incredibly difficult. I needed some time away from the podcast to grieve, reflect, and appreciate everything this little dog had taught me.

Now, I’m back with an episode that’s especially close to my heart.

In this episode of Porn Free Millennial, I’m honoring Bo’s memory by sharing my poem, Lessons from an Old Dog, and reflecting on the importance of unconditional love in overcoming shame, addiction, and heartbreak.

Because sometimes one of the greatest obstacles in recovery isn’t simply changing our behavior.

It’s believing we’re still worthy of love despite our mistakes.

In This Episode, We Explore:

* How Bo accompanied me through porn addiction recovery, divorce, and heartbreak.

* Why unconditional love matters when overcoming guilt and shame.

* How living a secret life can damage our ability to connect with others.

* Why recovery is about more than simply quitting pornography.

* The comfort, companionship, and emotional healing our pets can provide.

* How faith, grace, and forgiveness helped me rebuild my identity.

* Three practical ways to demonstrate unconditional love to the people in our lives.

Episode Chapters

00:00 — Lessons from an Old Dog01:06 — Welcome Back & Recovery Resources05:02 — What Bo Taught Me About Unconditional Love08:22 — Overcoming Shame in Porn Addiction Recovery11:07 — Lessons from an Old Dog: A Personal Poem18:20 — Emotional Healing & Rebuilding Your Identity23:08 — Learning to Give and Receive Love27:15 — Final Lessons & Honoring Bo’s Legacy

The Bigger Lesson: You Are More Than Your Addiction

When you’re struggling with pornography, it’s easy to convince yourself that if people knew the truth about you, they could never love you.

I believed that lie for years.

And that shame didn’t just affect my relationship with others. It affected my relationship with God and my ability to recognize the love already present in my life.

But recovery has taught me something important.

We are not defined solely by our worst decisions, our failures, or the things we’ve done in secret.

Recovery is about reclaiming the parts of ourselves that addiction and shame have buried.

It’s about rebuilding integrity, strengthening relationships, accepting grace, and learning how to love others more fully.

And unconditional love doesn’t mean eliminating accountability or pretending our actions don’t have consequences.

It means recognizing that our worth as human beings doesn’t disappear when we make mistakes.

Bo couldn’t understand the complexity of my struggles. He didn’t know what pornography was or why I was hurting.

But he knew how to be there.

Sometimes that was exactly what I needed.

And perhaps that’s one of the greatest lessons we can learn from the animals who share our lives.

Love doesn’t always need words. Sometimes it simply needs presence.

Read the Poem That Inspired This Episode

In May 2025, I wrote a poem called Lessons from an Old Dog.

At the time, Bo was still alive, accompanying me on RV adventures and greeting each day with the enthusiasm of a puppy despite his age.

Reading that poem now, after his passing, gives those words an entirely different meaning.

It’s a tribute to a companion who witnessed my life change in ways I never could have imagined.

Read Lessons from an Old Dog on Substack →

Resources to Help You Break Free

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re struggling with pornography, shame, or feeling stuck in patterns you want to change, you don’t have to navigate recovery alone.

I offer a FREE one-hour discovery call where we can discuss your struggles, your goals, and what recovery might look like in your life.

For those interested in continued support, I offer personalized 8-week and 12-week coaching programs focused on accountability, rebuilding integrity, and developing healthier habits.

Schedule Your FREE 1-Hour Discovery Call →

🔒 Take Your Online Accountability to the Next Level

I’ve used Ever Accountable as my online accountability software for almost two years, and it’s been an important part of my recovery.

Technology alone won’t create freedom, but building transparency and accountability into your digital life can make a tremendous difference.

Through my partnership with Ever Accountable, you can try the software FREE for 14 days and receive 20% OFF monthly or yearly plans.

Try Ever Accountable — 14 Days FREE + 20% OFF →

Affiliate disclosure: I may earn a commission when you subscribe through my link, at no additional cost to you. Your support helps keep Porn Free Millennial going.

About Porn Free Millennial

I’m Mac Dohm, creator and host of Porn Free Millennial.

After struggling with pornography for more than 20 years, I began my recovery journey in 2018.

Today, I share personal experiences, honest conversations, and practical resources to help men break free from pornography, overcome shame, rebuild relationships, and live lives of integrity.

Through my writing, podcast, and coaching, I explore recovery, faith, accountability, emotional healing, and what it means to live a life you don’t want to escape from.

Break Free. Stay Free. Be Free.

Join the Conversation

I want to leave you with a question:

Who has shown you unconditional love during one of the most difficult seasons of your life?

Maybe it was a parent, a spouse, a friend, your faith, or a beloved pet.

What did their love teach you?

I’d love to hear your story in the comments.

And here’s a small challenge for this week:

Reach out to someone who loved you through a difficult season and tell them what their love has meant to you.

Don’t wait until they’re gone to express your gratitude.

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone who might need a reminder that they are loved, valued, and capable of change.

To Bo, my old friend and loyal shadow:

Thank you for eight incredible years. Thank you for staying by my side. And thank you for teaching me what unconditional love looks like.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Break Free. Stay Free. Be Free.

— Mac

Support the Podcast

If this conversation challenged your thinking, please consider:

* Following/Subscribing to stay up to date → Substack, YouTube, Apple, Spotify

* Leaving a 5-star review (if applicable, helps get the episode to more people)

* Sharing this episode with someone who loves film, philosophy, or recovery

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

* Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions

* Personalized recovery strategy

* Accountability and habit building

* Identity-focused recovery

* Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Accountability Software I Personally Recommend

Recovery becomes much easier when you’re no longer fighting alone.

I’ve personally used Ever Accountable for years as part of my own recovery journey. It’s one of the tools I trust and recommend because it creates real transparency and accountability across your devices.

Ever Accountable helps you:

* Stay accountable online

* Monitor phones, tablets, and computers

* Receive accountability reports

* Reduce secrecy and isolation

* Build consistent recovery habits

Use my link to receive:

* 14-Day Free Trial

* 20% OFF Monthly or Annual Plans

Connect With Mac

* Porn Free Millennial Substack

* PFM YouTube

* Porn Free Millennial Podcast Apple

* Porn Free Millennial Podcast Spotify

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Substack

* The Personal Freedom Podcast YouTube

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Apple

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Spotify

Support the Publication

Check out my nomadic art gallery for pictures, posters and prints showcasing my life on the road! Use the Code FREEDOM for 20% off.

Art Gallery

Accountability Software PFM Discount

If you have been stuck and are tired of that horrible feeling, it’s time to test out accountability software on your devices. Software can provide that needed defense and friction to build up your confidence and discipline. I call it “rocket” fuel” for accountability!

* Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Tryhttps://everaccountable.com/affiliate-landing-page/?linkId=lp_025035&sourceId=porn-free-millennial&tenantId=everaccountable&affS1=nathis linkhttps://everaccountable.com/affiliate-landing-page/?linkId=lp_025035&sourceId=porn-free-millennial&tenantId=everaccountable&affS1=nafor a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.

* To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics (Organic Tallow Based Suncare Cream)

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Call to Action

If this episode encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who needs hope.

If you’re ready to stop fighting alone, schedule a free Breaking Free Coaching consultation and begin building a life you don’t want to escape from.

Subscribe

Join Break Free With Me (Mac)’s subscriber chat

Available in the Substack app and on web

Keep fighting the good fight.

Break Free. Stay Free. Be Free.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

Shame is one of the most misunderstood—and most destructive—forces behind addiction.

Unlike guilt, which says “I did something bad,” shame whispers, “I am bad.” It convinces us we’re broken, unworthy, beyond repair, and incapable of lasting change. Left unchecked, it keeps us trapped in cycles of secrecy, isolation, perfectionism, and relapse.

In this episode of the Porn Free Millennial Podcast, I sit down with my recovery coach and mentor, Vern Tompke, host of the Finding Traction Podcast, to unpack what shame really is, how to recognize it, where it comes from, and—most importantly—how to begin walking in freedom.

Drawing from Vern’s “Shame for Dummies” guide, we explore the stories that shape our identity, the lies we unknowingly believe, and the healing power of safe relationships, community, and faith.

In This Episode

* The critical difference between guilt and shame—and why confusing the two keeps many people stuck.

* Why perfectionism is often one of the strongest indicators that shame is operating beneath the surface.

* How childhood experiences quietly shape lifelong beliefs about ourselves.

* The “fish in water” analogy that explains why shame is often difficult to recognize.

* Common shame statements such as:

* “I’m not enough.”

* “I’m a failure.”

* “I don’t belong.”

* “I’m unlovable.”

* “I ruin everything.”

* How addiction often becomes a symptom of deeper shame rather than its source.

* Why secret “closet stories” continue to hold power until they’re brought into the light.

* The importance of trusted relationships and accountability in breaking shame’s grip.

* How prayer, Scripture, and community help replace false identities with truth.

* Practical steps anyone can begin taking today to identify and challenge shame.

Memorable Quotes

“Guilt says, ‘I did something bad.’ Shame says, ‘I am something bad.’”

“Perfectionism is one of the greatest clues that shame is hiding underneath.”

“Shame grows in darkness and isolation.”

“Safe people help us hear truth louder than shame.”

“The antidote to shame is being fully known and fully loved.”

Resources Mentioned

* Finding Traction Recovery Program

* Finding Traction Alumni Groups

* Pastors on Porn Podcast

* Men’s Recovery Retreats

* Scripture-based identity exercises

* Accountability and recovery community

Connect with Vern Tompke

Vern Tompke is a recovery coach, mentor, and host of the Finding Traction Podcast and Pastors on Porn Podcast, helping men overcome pornography addiction through faith, accountability, and lasting transformation.

Support the Podcast

If this conversation challenged your thinking, please consider:

* Following/Subscribing to stay up to date → Substack, YouTube, Apple, Spotify

* Leaving a 5-star review (if applicable, helps get the episode to more people)

* Sharing this episode with someone who loves film, philosophy, or recovery

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

* Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions

* Personalized recovery strategy

* Accountability and habit building

* Identity-focused recovery

* Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Accountability Software I Personally Recommend

Recovery becomes much easier when you’re no longer fighting alone.

I’ve personally used Ever Accountable for years as part of my own recovery journey. It’s one of the tools I trust and recommend because it creates real transparency and accountability across your devices.

Ever Accountable helps you:

* Stay accountable online

* Monitor phones, tablets, and computers

* Receive accountability reports

* Reduce secrecy and isolation

* Build consistent recovery habits

Use my link to receive:

* 14-Day Free Trial

* 20% OFF Monthly or Annual Plans

Connect With Mac

* Porn Free Millennial Substack

* PFM YouTube

* Porn Free Millennial Podcast Apple

* Porn Free Millennial Podcast Spotify

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Substack

* The Personal Freedom Podcast YouTube

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Apple

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Spotify

Support the Publication

Check out my nomadic art gallery for pictures, posters and prints showcasing my life on the road! Use the Code FREEDOM for 20% off.

Art Gallery

Accountability Software PFM Discount

If you have been stuck and are tired of that horrible feeling, it’s time to test out accountability software on your devices. Software can provide that needed defense and friction to build up your confidence and discipline. I call it “rocket” fuel” for accountability!

* Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Tryhttps://everaccountable.com/affiliate-landing-page/?linkId=lp_025035&sourceId=porn-free-millennial&tenantId=everaccountable&affS1=nathis linkhttps://everaccountable.com/affiliate-landing-page/?linkId=lp_025035&sourceId=porn-free-millennial&tenantId=everaccountable&affS1=nafor a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.

* To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics (Organic Tallow Based Suncare Cream)

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Call to Action

If this episode encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who needs hope.

If you’re ready to stop fighting alone, schedule a free Breaking Free Coaching consultation and begin building a life you don’t want to escape from.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

Is modern entertainment becoming more sexualized—or are we simply noticing it more?

In this deep philosophical discussion, I sit down once again with Dr. Gregory Borse, professor of English, philosophy, and film at the University of Arkansas at Monticello, to revisit one of our most popular conversations and ask a question many people have been wondering:

Why does it feel like almost every TV show and movie today is pushing sexuality?

Connect with Gregory Borse on X and Substack:

Drawing from literature, film history, philosophy, psychology, and technology, we explore how pornography fits into a much larger cultural story. From Hitchcock and Shakespeare to Netflix, Christopher Nolan, AI, and social media, this conversation looks beyond headlines to examine how technology is reshaping not only entertainment—but how we experience reality itself.

Whether you’re in recovery from pornography, interested in film, or simply wondering why culture feels different today, this episode offers a thoughtful perspective that challenges assumptions from every angle.

In This Episode

* Why modern movies and television seem increasingly sexualized

* The relationship between pornography, technology, and culture

* Why Dr. Borse argues that porn is a symptom—not the root problem

* How streaming services changed the way entertainment is consumed

* The evolution of pornography from the ancient world to the digital age

* Mechanical reproduction, AI, and what they mean for art and authenticity

* Why technology has become an extension of the human nervous system

* The erosion of standards in entertainment and society

* Hitchcock, Kubrick, Christopher Nolan, and the importance of meaningful storytelling

* The difference between art that serves the story and gratuitous sexual content

* Beauty, mystery, and why some things were historically understood to remain sacred

* How recovering from pornography changes the way you experience media

* Practical thoughts for navigating entertainment without living in fear

Books & Authors Mentioned

* Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction— Walter Benjamin

* Unbinding Prometheus— Donald Cowan

* Homer

* Shakespeare

* Ancient Greek Literature

Films & Television Discussed

* Psycho

* Eyes Wide Shut

* The Odyssey (Christopher Nolan)

* True Detective

* Breaking Bad

* Sons of Anarchy

* The Hobbit

Previous Conversations with Dr. Gregory Borse

If you enjoyed this discussion, be sure to check out our earlier conversations together:

* 14. The Evolution of Pornography Through Culture & Technology

* 21. From Hobbits to Heroes: Talking Lord of the Rings and Conquering Challenges

* 28. Porn Is a Vampire (Halloween Special)

* 31. Lonely Fans (with Dr. Gregory Borse)

* 48. The Exorcist, Porn & Possession

* 49. Pay Attention to Your Dreams

* 52. Hitchcock Saw It Coming: Psycho and the Age of Porn

Connect with Dr. Gregory Borse

Dr. Gregory Borse is a professor of English, Philosophy, and Film at the University of Arkansas at Monticello. His work explores literature, philosophy, aesthetics, storytelling, and the cultural forces shaping modern society.

Connect on X

Connect on Substack

Support the Podcast

If this conversation challenged your thinking, please consider:

* Following/Subscribing to stay up to date → Substack, YouTube, Apple, Spotify

* Leaving a 5-star review (if applicable, helps get the episode to more people)

* Sharing this episode with someone who loves film, philosophy, or recovery

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

* Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions

* Personalized recovery strategy

* Accountability and habit building

* Identity-focused recovery

* Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Accountability Software I Personally Recommend

Recovery becomes much easier when you’re no longer fighting alone.

I’ve personally used Ever Accountable for years as part of my own recovery journey. It’s one of the tools I trust and recommend because it creates real transparency and accountability across your devices.

Ever Accountable helps you:

* Stay accountable online

* Monitor phones, tablets, and computers

* Receive accountability reports

* Reduce secrecy and isolation

* Build consistent recovery habits

Use my link to receive:

* 14-Day Free Trial

* 20% OFF Monthly or Annual Plans

Connect With Mac

* Porn Free Millennial Substack

* PFM YouTube

* Porn Free Millennial Podcast Apple

* Porn Free Millennial Podcast Spotify

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Substack

* The Personal Freedom Podcast YouTube

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Apple

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Spotify

Support the Publication

Check out my nomadic art gallery for pictures, posters and prints showcasing my life on the road! Use the Code FREEDOM for 20% off.

Art Gallery

Accountability Software PFM Discount

If you have been stuck and are tired of that horrible feeling, it’s time to test out accountability software on your devices. Software can provide that needed defense and friction to build up your confidence and discipline. I call it “rocket” fuel” for accountability!

* Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Tryhttps://everaccountable.com/affiliate-landing-page/?linkId=lp_025035&sourceId=porn-free-millennial&tenantId=everaccountable&affS1=nathis linkhttps://everaccountable.com/affiliate-landing-page/?linkId=lp_025035&sourceId=porn-free-millennial&tenantId=everaccountable&affS1=nafor a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.

* To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics (Organic Tallow Based Suncare Cream)

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Call to Action

If this episode encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who needs hope.

If you’re ready to stop fighting alone, schedule a free Breaking Free Coaching consultation and begin building a life you don’t want to escape from.

Subscribe

Keep fighting the good fight.

Break Free. Stay Free. Be Free.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

Why Most Porn Relapses Don’t Happen in One Moment | The Stopwatch Recovery Framework

Most men believe relapse happens in a single moment of weakness.

It doesn’t.

Relapse usually begins long before pornography ever enters the picture. It starts with a trigger... then a compromise... then a series of small decisions that quietly build momentum until it feels almost impossible to stop.

In this episode of Porn Free Millennial, I break down the Stopwatch Recovery Framework—a practical recovery tool developed by my recovery coach, Vern Tompke, that completely changed how I think about relapse.

To download the stopwatch framework, see below or click this article: The Anatomy of a Relapse.

To follow along on video, check out my YouTube Channel.

Instead of fighting at the last possible moment, you’ll learn how to recognize the cycle early, interrupt it, and build lasting freedom one decision at a time.

Whether you’re struggling with pornography, another unwanted habit, or simply trying to build greater self-control, this episode will help you understand why recovery is won long before the relapse ever happens.

In This Episode

* Why relapse is usually a gradual drift—not a spontaneous explosion

* The biggest myth that keeps people stuck in recovery

* Understanding the stages of the relapse cycle

* Why emotional triggers matter more than sexual triggers

* How stress, loneliness, boredom, rejection, and shame start the stopwatch

* The difference between preoccupation and pursuit

* Why white-knuckling almost always fails

* Practical strategies to interrupt the cycle before momentum builds

* Building accountability, boundaries, and recovery systems

* The role of identity in long-term freedom

* James Clear’s Atomic Habits and “votes for your identity”

* Daily recovery habits that build lasting peace

The Stopwatch Recovery Cycle

* Peace

* Trigger

* Preempt

* Preoccupation

* Pursuit

* Porn Event

* Pain

* Protect

* Promise

* Return to Peace through action—not empty promises

Key Takeaways

* Recovery isn’t won at the point of temptation.

* Small compromises create powerful momentum.

* Every decision casts a vote for the person you’re becoming.

* Freedom isn’t built through one heroic moment—it is built through hundreds of honest decisions.

* Systems beat willpower.

* Identity drives behavior.

Resources Mentioned

* Finding Traction Podcast— Vern Tompke

* Pastors on Porn Podcast— Vern Tompke

* Atomic Habits— James Clear

* Porn Free Radio— Matt Dobschuetz

* Pure Desire Ministries

* Ever AccountableAccountability Software - 14 day free trial & 20% off yearly/monthly plans

* Victory Appby James Menendez

* I Am Sober

* Freedom App

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

* Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions

* Personalized recovery strategy

* Accountability and habit building

* Identity-focused recovery

* Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Accountability Software I Personally Recommend

Recovery becomes much easier when you’re no longer fighting alone.

I’ve personally used Ever Accountable for years as part of my own recovery journey. It’s one of the tools I trust and recommend because it creates real transparency and accountability across your devices.

Ever Accountable helps you:

* Stay accountable online

* Monitor phones, tablets, and computers

* Receive accountability reports

* Reduce secrecy and isolation

* Build consistent recovery habits

Use my link to receive:

* 14-Day Free Trial

* 20% OFF Monthly or Annual Plans

Connect With Mac

* Porn Free Millennial Substack

* PFM YouTube

* Porn Free Millennial Podcast Apple

* Porn Free Millennial Podcast Spotify

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Substack

* The Personal Freedom Podcast YouTube

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Apple

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Spotify

Support the Publication

Check out my nomadic art gallery for pictures, posters and prints showcasing my life on the road! Use the Code FREEDOM for 20% off.

Art Gallery

Accountability Software PFM Discount

If you have been stuck and are tired of that horrible feeling, it’s time to test out accountability software on your devices. Software can provide that needed defense and friction to build up your confidence and discipline. I call it “rocket” fuel” for accountability!

* Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Tryhttps://everaccountable.com/affiliate-landing-page/?linkId=lp_025035&sourceId=porn-free-millennial&tenantId=everaccountable&affS1=nathis linkhttps://everaccountable.com/affiliate-landing-page/?linkId=lp_025035&sourceId=porn-free-millennial&tenantId=everaccountable&affS1=nafor a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.

* To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics (Organic Tallow Based Suncare Cream)

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Call to Action

If this episode encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who needs hope.

If you’re ready to stop fighting alone, schedule a free Breaking Free Coaching consultation and begin building a life you don’t want to escape from.

Subscribe

📬 Substack:

Keep fighting the good fight.

Break Free. Stay Free. Be Free.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

Episode Description

Porn addiction rarely survives because of a lack of willpower.

It survives because of the lies we quietly believe.

In this live episode, Mac walks through seven of the most common lies that keep people trapped in unwanted pornography use. Drawing from nearly two decades of personal struggle, over eight years of recovery, coaching conversations, and biblical principles, he explains how these false beliefs shape identity—and how replacing them with truth is the beginning of lasting freedom.

Whether you’re struggling personally or helping someone else, this conversation offers practical encouragement and a path toward hope.

What You’ll Learn

* Why porn addiction thrives on hidden beliefs

* Why “I’m not hurting anyone” is one of the biggest lies

* The difference between guilt and shame

* Why relapse shouldn’t define your identity

* Why recovery is about identity transformation—not behavior modification

* How accountability changes everything

* Why emotional healing matters more than white-knuckling

* How to become the man or woman you actually want to become

Resources Mentioned

Article

7 Common Lies That Keep You Hooked on Porn:

🎙 Related Porn Free Millennial Episodes

Episode 50 — Matt Dobschuetz

Identity, recovery, and practical freedom.

Episode 51 — Relapse, Recovery & Renewal

Mac shares his own relapse and what happened afterward.

Episode 9 — Getting Back in the Ring

Learning to begin again after failure.

Episode 53 — The Brush Popper Podcast

Conversation with Jim & Eric about the cowboy way and rescuing men from the thickets.

Episode 55 — Jeanie Hosken, The Anatomy of a Real Apology

Biblical counseling, marriage, healing, and recovery.

Episode 66—Danielle Johnson | Re-Fined, Shining Light on Human Trafficking

Human trafficking and pornography’s hidden impact.

Books Mentioned

Atomic Habits— James Clear

Discipline Equals Freedom— Jocko Willink

Podcasts Mentioned

Porn Free Radio

Host: Matt Dobschuetz

Program: https://recoveredman.com/

Finding Traction

Host: Vern Tompke

Program:https://www.bandofbrothers.care/regular-joes

Organizations Mentioned

Flatirons Community Church

Fight Club Men’s Ministry: https://www.flatironschurch.com/men/

Re-Fined

Anti Human Trafficking Organization: https://re-fined.org/

Memorable Quotes

“Porn addiction thrives and survives on lies.”

“Addiction loves tomorrow because tomorrow requires nothing from you today.”

“Recovery started becoming real when I stopped thinking about freedom and started pursuing it.”

“Don’t become the judge. Become the detective.”

“Failure is an event—not your identity.”

“Enough coping. Start digging.”

“Lies imprison. Truth liberates.”

“Freedom starts with identity.”

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

* Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions

* Personalized recovery strategy

* Accountability and habit building

* Identity-focused recovery

* Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Accountability Software I Personally Recommend

Recovery becomes much easier when you’re no longer fighting alone.

I’ve personally used Ever Accountable for years as part of my own recovery journey. It’s one of the tools I trust and recommend because it creates real transparency and accountability across your devices.

Ever Accountable helps you:

* Stay accountable online

* Monitor phones, tablets, and computers

* Receive accountability reports

* Reduce secrecy and isolation

* Build consistent recovery habits

Use my link to receive:

* 14-Day Free Trial

* 20% OFF Monthly or Annual Plans

https://everaccountable.com/affiliate-landing-page/?linkId=lp_614685&sourceId=porn-free-millennial&tenantId=everaccountable&affS1=na

Connect With Mac

* Porn Free Millennial Substack

* PFM YouTube

* Porn Free Millennial Podcast Apple

* Porn Free Millennial Podcast Spotify

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Substack

* The Personal Freedom Podcast YouTube

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Apple

* The Personal Freedom Podcast Spotify

Call to Action

If this episode encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who needs hope.

If you’re ready to stop fighting alone, schedule a free Breaking Free Coaching consultation and begin building a life you don’t want to escape from.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

Listener Discretion

This episode contains discussions surrounding human trafficking, sexual exploitation, pornography, addiction, abuse, and child exploitation. Listener discretion is advised.

Podcast Notes

In this important educational conversation, I sit down with Danielle Johnson of Re-Fined to discuss the realities of human trafficking, online exploitation, pornography’s role in fueling demand, and the growing dangers facing children in the digital age.

Danielle shares insights from over a decade working in anti-trafficking advocacy, survivor care, addiction counseling, and prevention training throughout Colorado. Together, we unpack how trafficking actually operates, the psychological tactics of coercion and grooming, the rise of sextortion, and why digital culture has made exploitation more accessible than ever before.

This episode is not intended to shame those struggling with pornography addiction, but rather to educate listeners on the deeper systems of exploitation connected to the industry while offering hope, healing, and awareness.

Topics Discussed

* What human trafficking actually is

* Force, fraud, and coercion explained

* The connection between pornography and trafficking demand

* Online grooming and sextortion

* Child exploitation in the digital age

* The desensitization effects of pornography

* Addiction, shame, and recovery

* Survivor advocacy and long-term healing

* How social media and technology have changed trafficking

* Warning signs parents and communities should know

About Danielle Johnson

Danielle Johnson is the Director of Partnerships and Training Specialist at Re-Fined, an organization dedicated to supporting survivors of sexual exploitation and human trafficking through advocacy, education, mentorship, and recovery support.

PFM Writings About Human Trafficking

Resources & Organizations Mentioned

* Re-Fined

* Fight the New Drug

* Justice Defense Fund

* Social Media Dangers Exposed by Mom Posing as 11 Year Old - Bark Video

* OBLIVIOUS (short film about sex-trafficking)

* Boys Documentary (Documentary about sex trafficking experiences of young boys)

Support the Re-Fined

Listen/Watch/Read PFM

* Read and Subsribe on Substack

* Watch and Subscribe YouTube

* Listen and follow on Apple Podcasts

* Listen and Follow on Spotify

Affiliate Partnerships

Ever Accountable

If you’re serious about building a life of integrity, accountability matters. Use the accountability software I use — it is rocket fuel for recovery!

14-Day Free Trial & 20% Off Monthly or Yearly Plans

Use my link here & watch my most recent podcast with the CEO!

Ritual Organics

I’d been using Ritual Organics products for over a year and love how it looks and works on my skin.

Only 6 ingredients: Grass-fed tallow, organic jojoba, non-nano zinc, organic rosehip, vitamin E, and organic lavender.

Small business. Holistic-minded products I actually use in everyday life.

If you’ve been looking for cleaner alternatives and want to support a company doing things the right way, definitely check them out. New customers can also get 15% off their first purchase when signing up.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

In this deeply honest and emotional episode of the Porn Free Millennial Podcast, I sit down with Alex Perez to talk about addiction, shame, divorce, dark pits of despair, healing, the importance family/friends, falling in love again, getting remarried, and finding victory through Christ.

In this conversation, we reflect on the famous David Foster Wallace “fish and water” analogy—two young fish swimming along until an older fish asks, “How’s the water?” The younger fish eventually turns and asks, “What the hell is water?” That idea becomes a powerful metaphor throughout the episode that many people are so immersed in pornified modern culture, distraction, shame, and emotional isolation that they no longer even recognize the environment shaping them.

In Episode 65, Alex shares how a childhood exposure to porn at just 10 years old slowly developed into a 15+ year addiction that distorted his identity, relationships, and view of intimacy. What began as curiosity eventually became isolation, secrecy, emotional coping, and hopelessness.

We talk openly about:

* The hidden emotional roots behind porn addiction

* Shame vs guilt

* Marriage, betrayal, and the devastating cost of secrecy

* The lies addiction whispers

* Why isolation fuels addiction

* The power of brotherhood and accountability

* Neuroplasticity and rewiring the mind

* Recovery through Christ and radical honesty

* The importance of “doing the next right thing and telling the truth”

* Leading others to victory through Pure Desire courses at Church

One of the most powerful moments in the conversation comes when Alex recounts sitting alone with a gun to his head, fully convinced he was beyond saving — until he heard a quiet but unmistakable message from God:

“Put the gun down and call your parents.”

That moment became the turning point that eventually led him toward healing, recovery, remarriage, ministry work, and helping other men break free from porn addiction through the Pure Desire program.

This episode is raw, hopeful, funny at times, deeply human, and packed with wisdom for anyone who feels trapped in “porn prison” and wonders if freedom is possible.

Episode Highlights

* Being exposed to porn as a child and how quickly it escalated

* The “autopilot” nature of addiction and relapse cycles

* Why porn addiction is often rooted in emotional wounds, not just lust

* How secrecy and shame nearly led Alex to ending things all-together

* The moment Christ changed everything

* Why recovery requires truth, community, and accountability

* The difference between guilt and shame

* How porn distorts intimacy and relationships

* Rebuilding identity after divorce and addiction

* The role of brotherhood in long-term recovery

* Why “white knuckling” recovery usually fails

* Radical honesty and freedom from a hidden life

* How helping others became part of Alex’s healing journey

Memorable Quotes

“Porn tells you what sex is supposed to be like… but none of it is real.”

“I didn’t even feel like a human being anymore.”

“Do the next right thing and tell the truth.”

“You think you’re alone… until you finally tell the truth and people stay.”

“Porn doesn’t fill you up. It hollows you out.”

“Freedom is possible. There is light at the end of that tunnel.”

Resources Mentioned

* My Conversation with Alex’s Mom, Kit Perez | Grey Cell Systems on Her Podcast - Change the Game Podcast S1 E13: Fragmentation, Addiction, and the Cost of Living a Split Life

* Pure Desire Ministries

* Pure Desire Podcast

* Porn Free Radio Podcast (Matt Dobschuetz)

* Finding Traction Podcast (Vern Tompke)

* Jocko Podcast / Discipline Equals Freedom

Final Thoughts

This conversation is a reminder that addiction thrives in darkness, but healing begins the moment truth enters the room.

You are not too far gone.

You are not uniquely broken.

And you do not have to fight this battle alone.

If this episode encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who may need hope today.

Listen/Watch/Read PFM

* Read and Subsribe on Substack

* Watch and Subscribe YouTube

* Listen and follow on Apple Podcasts

* Listen and Follow on Spotify

Affiliate Partnerships

Ever Accountable

If you’re serious about building a life of integrity, accountability matters. Use the accountability software I use — it is rocket fuel for recovery!

14-Day Free Trial & 20% Off Monthly or Yearly Plans

Use my link here & watch my most recent podcast with the CEO!

Ritual Organics

I’d been using Ritual Organics products for over a year and love how it looks and works on my skin.

Only 6 ingredients: Grass-fed tallow, organic jojoba, non-nano zinc, organic rosehip, vitamin E, and organic lavender.

Small business. Holistic-minded products I actually use in everyday life.

If you’ve been looking for cleaner alternatives and want to support a company doing things the right way, definitely check them out. New customers can also get 15% off their first purchase when signing up.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

Episode 64 — The Girl Down the Street

Innocence Attacked, Childhood Porn Exposure, and the Wounds We Never Saw Coming

In this deeply personal solo episode, I read and reflect on my piece The Girl Down the Street — a story about first love, early porn exposure, emotional immaturity, and the hidden fallout pornography can have on relationships long before we even understand what’s happening.

Drawing from a 2024 Missouri Medicine study on pornography exposure among youth, I explore how boys are often first exposed to porn around ages 10–11 and girls around ages 12–13, and how those early experiences can quietly shape identity, expectations, intimacy, and emotional development.

This episode is not merely about addiction.It’s about innocence.The innocence of the young boy exposed too early…and the innocence of the people he would someday attempt to love while carrying a battle he did not yet understand.

I share the story of my first girlfriend — “the girl down the street” — and reflect honestly on how a porn addiction that began in childhood affected the way I viewed love, relationships, jealousy, emotional connection, and intimacy.

This is an episode about:

* the unseen emotional fallout of pornography

* the quiet heartbreak many young women carry

* the normalization of hyper-sexualization

* and the importance of guidance, accountability, and honest conversations with the next generation

In This Episode

* The average age young boys and girls are first exposed to porn

* Why the word “exposed” matters

* The “3 A’s” fueling modern porn consumption:

* Affordability

* Accessibility

* Anonymity

* How pornography shapes emotional development and relationship expectations

* The hidden effect porn had on my first relationships

* Why many young men carry battles they never chose

* The connection between porn, jealousy, objectification, and emotional immaturity

* The importance of protecting innocence in the digital age

* Parenting, guidance, and having empathetic conversations with kids

* Why shame and isolation often deepen addiction

Key Quotes

“Pornography is not merely shaping private behavior. It’s shaping emotional development.”

“The innocence of the people he would someday attempt to love while carrying a battle he did not yet understand.”

“Two kids. One wounded in silence and shame. One wounded by fallout and blame.”

“That’s where the disenchantment starts — not in adulthood, but in childhood.”

Resources & Links

* Read the reflection: The Girl Down the Street

* 2024Missouri MedicineStudy:Effects of Pornography on Youth: A Review

* Ever Accountable Accountability Software 14 Free Trial and 20% off per month/year

* Ritual Organics Affiliate Link

* My episodes with Tyler Patterson, CEO of Ever Accountable

* Episode 60

* Episode 46

* Porn Free Millennial Substack

Coaching & Collaboration

I offer 1-on-1 coaching for men seeking freedom from pornography and compulsive sexual behavior.

For a free 30-minute consultation:

Email: pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Book a call

If you have a story to share or work in the recovery space and would like to collaborate on the podcast, feel free to reach out.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Much love.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

Porn Free Millennial Podcast – Episode 63

Victory in Christ: Identity-Based Freedom w/ James Menendez

Episode Overview

There’s a version of you on the other side of everything you’re struggling with right now—free, clear, and at peace.

The real question is how do you get there?

In this episode, Mac sits down with returning guest James Menendez author of Creation Awaits and Creation Press (Episode 34) to unpack a powerful story of redemption, healing, and what true transformation actually looks like.

James shares how he found lasting freedom from porn—not through behavior modification, but through identity in Christ—and how that journey led him to build the Victory in Christ app.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in cycles of shame, secrecy, or relapse… this conversation will challenge everything you thought recovery was about.

Episode Highlights

* Why porn addiction is a symptom—not the root problem

* The role of shame, secrecy, and hidden life in keeping you stuck

* How grace + truth creates real freedom (not just willpower)

* The breakthrough moment: confession and radical honesty

* Why behavior modification alone doesn’t work

* Understanding “strongholds” and the lies we believe

* The 3 core human needs:→ Acceptance→ Security→ Significance

* How identity in Christ replaces false identity

* Spiritual warfare explained through 2 Corinthians 10 (battle of the mind)

* The power of speaking truth out loud (Stronghold Declarations)

* Why secrecy fuels addiction—and exposure breaks it

About the Victory in Christ App

James created the Victory in Christ app to address what most recovery tools miss:

Not just behavior… but belief.

Instead of focusing on “stop watching porn,” the app helps you:

* Identify the lies driving your behavior

* Replace them with truth rooted in Scripture

* Build daily habits around identity transformation

* Use tools like:

* Sobriety tracking

* Stronghold declarations (truth statements)

* AI-assisted reflection to uncover root beliefs

* Identity-based recovery course

No more white-knuckling.

This is identity-based freedom.

Key Concept: Strongholds

A stronghold is a deeply rooted lie you believe about yourself or God.

Example:

* Lie: “I’m not enough”

* Truth: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”

The process:

* Identify the lie

* Renounce it

* Replace it with truth

* Speak that truth daily

This is where transformation actually happens.

Spiritual Warfare (Simplified)

James breaks down how the real battle isn’t just behavior—it’s in the mind:

* Lies → Belief → Behavior

* Truth → Freedom → Transformation

Using scripture (like 2 Corinthians 10), he explains how to:

* Take thoughts captive

* Replace lies with truth

* Actively fight back, not passively resist

Connect with James Menendez

Victory in Christ App: https://victoryinchrist.app/

Substack (Creation Awaits):

Creation Press:

No Longer Slaves (fictional novel): https://creationpress.substack.com/s/no-longer-slaves

Email / Contact: If anyone wants to contact James directly, they can email James at victoryinchrist.app@proton.me or creationawaits@proton.me

Other Platforms (YouTube, X, etc.):Creation Awaits YouTube Channel: @creationawaits

Creation Awaits LinkTree:https://linktr.ee/creationawaits

Books / Resources Mentioned

* Freedom in Christ Ministries (Identity-based discipleship):

https://www.ficm.org/

* The Conquer Series (Recovery resource James previously used):

https://www.conquerseries.com/

* The Bible (Referenced Scriptures):

* John 8:32 – “The truth will set you free”

* Romans 6–8 (sin, law, and freedom in Christ)

* 2 Corinthians 10 (taking thoughts captive)

* Ephesians 6 (Armor of God)

* Hebrews 4:12 (Word of God as a sword)

* Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes: https://www.amazon.com/Out-Shadows-Understanding-Sexual-Addiction/dp/1568386214

Listen / Watch the Podcast

Read

Watch & Subscribe YouTube

Listen on Podcast Platforms:

Apple Podcasts

Spotify

Tools for Breaking Free:

If you’re serious about building a life of integrity, accountability matters.

Ever Accountable

14-Day Free Trial

20% Off Monthly or Yearly Plans

Use my link here & watch my most recent podcast with the CEO!

Final Thought

You don’t “white-knuckle” your way to freedom.

You need to become someone new.

And that starts with what you believe is true about:

* God

* Yourself

* Your identity

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

Why Are You Still Carrying Her? | Learning When to Let Go

Episode Description

In this episode, I read a personal reflection inspired by a night at a place that no longer exists—the historic Dark Horse Saloon in Boulder, Colorado.

What started as a simple night out turned into something deeper… a lesson about the mind, desire, and what we choose to carry long after the moment has passed.

Through an old parable—The Two Monks and the Woman—this episode explores a truth that hits at the core of recovery, identity, and integrity:

You can follow every rule… and still be the one carrying the weight.

This is a reflection on letting go—not just physically, but mentally. Not just behaviorally, but internally.

If you’ve ever struggled with intrusive thoughts, temptation, or the feeling of being stuck in your own mind…this episode is for you.

🔑 What This Episode Explores

The difference between the letter of the law vs. the spirit of the law

Why avoidance alone isn’t true freedom

The danger of “carrying” thoughts long after the moment

Reframing how we see beauty, desire, and dignity

What real transformation actually looks like

📖 Read the Full Reflection

👉 Why Are You Still Carrying Her?

🎥 Watch & Subscribe

▶️ YouTube

🎧 Listen on Podcast Platforms

🍎 Apple Podcasts

🎵 Spotify

🔐 Tools for Breaking Free

If you're serious about building a life of integrity, accountability matters.

👉 Ever Accountable

14-Day Free Trial

20% Off Monthly or Yearly Plans

Use my link here

💬 Final Reflection

The older monk set her down at the river.

The younger monk carried her for miles and hours.

The question is—what are you still carrying?

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

Sauron’s Search History: Unmasking The Eye That Consumes

In this episode, I’m joined by Will Anselm—medieval art historian, writer of Palinode, and editor and introduction author of The Moral Universe by Fulton J. Sheen (book release upcoming, link will be provided when it is published).

He’s also someone with a really sharp eye for what Tolkien was doing beneath the surface and that’s going to matter for this conversation.

Together, we explore how Tolkien’s vision of a being that became pure, disembodied appetite mirrors something unsettling in our own world—especially in the way we consume, disconnect, and drift into patterns of addiction, consumption, and spiritual slavery.

About Will

Will brings a depth to Tolkien that goes far beyond the surface:

* Medieval art historian

* Editor and introduction author of The Moral Universe by Fulton J. Sheen

* Creator of Palinodehttps://willanselm.substack.com/on Substack

* Host of Catholic X Spaces

* Deep student of Middle-earth, theology, and symbolism

His insight helps uncover layers in Tolkien’s work that most of us never notice—but once you see them, you can’t unsee them.

What We Explore

* Who Sauron really was and how he became what he became

* The symbolism of the Eye—always watching, never satisfied

* Morgoth, corruption, and the distortion of beauty

* Why evil in Tolkien cannot create—only consume

* The deeper meaning behind “Sauron’s search history”

* The One Ring as a metaphor for addiction and false power

* How modern life mirrors the same pattern of disembodied consumption

The Core Idea

Sauron didn’t begin as a monster.

He began as something good.

A being who loved order, structure, and things working as they should.

But that desire slowly twisted:

* Order → Control

* Control → Domination

Over time, he lost everything that made him whole:

* No body

* No relationships

* No ability to create, love, or connect

Only an eye remained.

Watching.

Searching.

Consuming.

Never satisfied.

Why This Matters

At some point, this episode stops being about Sauron.

It becomes about us.

When we stop living and start watching, something shifts:

* Presence is replaced by consumption

* Connection begins to fade

* Appetite grows

And over time…

You don’t feel like yourself anymore.

You’re just watching life with an agonizing gaze.

The Ring & Addiction

We also explore the One Ring as a powerful parallel:

* It promises control

* It creates secrecy (“invisibility”)

* It feels empowering

But in reality…

What feels like power slowly becomes bondage.

A Way Out

The story doesn’t end in darkness.

What ultimately defeats Sauron isn’t greater power—but…

* Fellowship

* Sacrifice

* Letting go of control

And the same is true for us.

Will’s Book

Will is the editor and introduction author of The Moral Universe by Fulton J. Sheen (book release upcoming, link will be provided when it is published).

Final Reflection

You don’t have to live as the Eye.

You were made to live as a person.

Question to Take With You

Where in your life are you just watching… instead of living?

Try Ever Accountable

If you want to try Ever Accountable for yourself, you can start with a 14-day free trial and 20% off using the link or QR code in this episode.

To Learn More About Ever Accountable: Episode 46 & Episode 60

46. Want to Quit Porn? There’s an App For That - Interview with Tyler Patterson, CEO of Ever Accountable

Read full story

About Porn Free Millennial

Porn Free Millennial exists to help people break free from porn addiction and build a life of integrity, connection, and purpose.

Through honest conversations, practical tools, and real stories, the mission is simple…

Break free. Stay free. Build something better.

Join Mac’s subscriber chat

Available in the Substack app and on web

Additional Resources

For more Porn Free Millennial Subscribe to:

* Apple Podcast

* Spotify Podcast

* Youtube Channel

Accountability Software PFM Discount

If you have been stuck and are tired of that horrible feeling, it’s time to test out accountability software on your devices. Software can provide that needed defense and friction to build up your confidence and discipline. I call it “rocket” fuel” for accountability!

* Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.

* To learn more about the origin story of Ever Accountable, check out my first interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

If you’re tired of repeating the same cycle and ready to build something solid, I offer 1:1 coaching focused on accountability, clarity, and sustainable freedom.

Message me “Break Free” for a free 30-minute consult.

For YouTube, Apple, Spotify - Email “Break Free” and what you are seeking help with to pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

How Ever Accountable Helps You Break Free From Porn | Tyler Patterson (CEO)

In this episode of the Porn Free Millennial Podcast, I sit down with Tyler Patterson, founder and CEO of Ever Accountable, to talk about one of the most powerful tools in recovery from porn addiction:

Accountability.

We unpack how accountability software works, why secrecy fuels addiction, and how bringing our digital behavior into the light can dramatically reduce temptation.

Tyler also walks through how Ever Accountable’s technology works behind the scenes, how it detects questionable content, and why speed and transparency can make a huge difference in someone’s recovery journey.

What We Discuss

How accountability software actually works

Tyler explains that Ever Accountable does not record videos or full screen recordings of your activity.

Instead, the software periodically takes AI-analyzed snapshots of what is on the screen. These snapshots allow the system to detect potentially explicit content without constantly recording or storing video.

“It’s not actually recording anything… it’s just using AI to take a snapshot of your screen every second or two.”

This approach allows the system to remain effective while also respecting privacy.

Why fast intervention matters

A key aspect of Ever Accountable is how quickly the system can respond when something questionable appears.

Because the AI detection runs directly on the device, the system can act immediately.

If problematic content appears, the software alerts the user and reminds them that their accountability partner will see the activity.

That quick interruption often breaks the cycle before it turns into a relapse.

If something is detected, the system “takes action fast… and tells you your accountability partner is going to see this.”

Why accountability changes the psychology of temptation

One of the most interesting parts of our conversation was how accountability changes the mental equation in moments of temptation.

When someone knows their activity will be visible to a trusted partner, it changes the decision entirely.

The moment of temptation becomes less about curiosity and more about integrity.

Tyler shared that many users report something surprising…

The urge often disappears once accountability is in place.

When users know someone else will see their activity, “the temptation just melts away.”

Real-world use and daily practicality

We also discussed how important it is for accountability tools to be practical for everyday life.

Ever Accountable runs efficiently on mobile devices and doesn’t drain battery or slow down phones.

According to Tyler, the system typically uses around 1% of battery life, which makes it realistic for people to run it continuously without disruption.

That efficiency allows the software to stay active all day without becoming intrusive.

Why Accountability Works

In my own recovery journey, I’ve learned this simple truth:

Secrecy fuels addiction.

Accountability breaks it.

When our behavior becomes visible to trusted people in our lives, we naturally start making better decisions.

Accountability isn’t about shame.

It’s about support, honesty, and choosing to live in the light.

And tools like Ever Accountable help create the structure that makes that possible.

Try Ever Accountable

If you want to try Ever Accountable for yourself, you can start with a 14-day free trial and 20% off using the link or QR code in this episode.

To Learn More About Ever Accountable: Episode 46

About Porn Free Millennial

Porn Free Millennial exists to help people break free from porn addiction and build a life of integrity, connection, and purpose.

Through honest conversations, practical tools, and real stories, the mission is simple…

Break free. Stay free. Build something better.

Additional Resources

For more Porn Free Millennial Subscribe to:

* Apple Podcast

* Spotify Podcast

* Youtube Channel

Accountability Software PFM Discount

If you have been stuck and are tired of that horrible feeling, it’s time to test out accountability software on your devices. Software can provide that needed defense and friction to build up your confidence and discipline. I call it “rocket” fuel” for accountability!

* Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 30 day trial expires.

* To learn more about the origin story of Ever Accountable, check out my first interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

If you’re tired of repeating the same cycle and ready to build something solid, I offer 1:1 coaching focused on accountability, clarity, and sustainable freedom.

Message me “Break Free” for a free 30-minute consult.

For YouTube, Apple, Spotify - Email “Break Free” and what you are seeking help with to pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

Episode 59: The 5 Winning W’s for Breaking Free from Porn

In this solo live episode of the Porn Free Millennial Podcast, I break down a practical and powerful framework for overcoming porn addiction: The Five Winning W’s — What, When, Where, Why, and Who.

If you’re struggling with porn, stuck in relapse cycles, or looking for a clear recovery strategy, this episode gives you actionable tools you can apply immediately.

Drawing from my own recovery journey — including divorce, therapy, and years in accountability groups — I walk through the psychological, environmental, and identity-based shifts necessary to break free for good.

🔥 What You’ll Learn in This Episode

1️⃣ WHAT – Identify Your Relapse Mechanisms

* What devices are your biggest triggers? (Phone, laptop, TV, social media?)

* What apps or websites are your “no-go zones”?

* Why deleting apps, burning the stash, and installing accountability software matters

* How removing access reduces white-knuckling

You can’t defeat what you won’t define.

2️⃣ WHEN – Recognize Your High-Risk Windows

* Late nights

* Sunday evenings (statistically one of the highest usage times)

* After stress, boredom, rejection, or emotional pain

* Celebratory moments after a win

Learn how to pre-load high-risk windows with intentional habits like workouts, journaling, or accountability calls.

3️⃣ WHERE – Map Your Physical Danger Zones

* Bedroom

* Bathroom

* Office

* Basement

* Hotel rooms while traveling

Porn thrives in isolation. This episode explains how to create environmental guardrails that protect your integrity.

Boundaries aren’t punishments — they’re protection.

4️⃣ WHY – Understand the Psychological Root

Porn is rarely just about sex.

In this episode, I share my personal breakthrough through therapy and EMDR work, discovering that my core trigger was feeling unvalued and unseen.

Common deeper drivers:

* Loneliness

* Shame cycles

* Emotional numbing

* Rejection wounds

* Avoidance of responsibility

* Feeling disconnected

You must identify the real emotional need before you can heal it.

5️⃣ WHO – Decide Who You Want to Become

This is the identity shift.

Who are you when the urge hits?

* The exhausted version?

* The isolated version?

* The avoidant version?

And more importantly:Who do you want to be?

Freedom isn’t just about quitting porn. It’s about becoming integrated, aligned, and proud of the man you see in the mirror.

🧠 Topics Covered

* Porn addiction recovery strategy

* Accountability software and digital guardrails

* Identity-based recovery

* Emotional triggers behind relapse

* Therapy and EMDR

* Divorce, shame, and rebuilding integrity

* How isolation fuels addiction

* Creating a relapse prevention plan

🛠 Resources Mentioned

Master Your Week: The 5 W’s of Awareness & Recovery

This article I wrote is the basis of this podcast. Within it are additional resources and perspectives, check it out for additional information! Click here.

Ever Accountable

I personally use Ever Accountable on my devices. It monitors activity and sends alerts to your accountability partner if inappropriate content is detected.

👉 14-day free trial & 20% off monthly or yearly plans

Watch or listen to my discussion with CEO and Founder Tyler Patterson here!

(2nd Interview with CEO Tyler Patterson coming soon to discuss software updates and other enhancements they are working on)

1 on 1 Coaching

Paid Subscribers:

* 1:1 Coaching Discount – Get 15% off one-hour coaching sessions to accelerate your progress. If you’re interested, message me directly or email me at pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com for a free consultation and pricing details!

* One complimentary one-hour coaching session

* Access to private audio notes and reflections

Founding Members:

* 1:1 Coaching Discount – Get a lifetime 25% off one-hour coaching sessions to accelerate your progress. If you’re interested, message me directly or email me at pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com for a free consultation and pricing details!

* Three complimentary one-hour coaching sessions

👊 Final Encouragement

Don’t wait.

The longer you delay accountability, therapy, or community, the deeper the patterns entrench themselves. I waited — and it cost me greatly.

Recovery accelerates when wounds have witnesses.

You don’t have to do this alone.

🎙 Listen If You’re Ready To:

* Stop white-knuckling recovery

* Break the shame cycle

* Build an actual relapse prevention plan

* Become the version of yourself you respect

If this episode helped you, share it with someone who needs it.

And remember:

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.The second best time is today.

— MacPorn Free Millennial

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

The Art of Beholding Beauty in a Culture That Consumes It

Guest: Will Anselm Author of The Pallinode Medieval Art Historian | Oxford Graduate | Researcher of Late Medieval Italian Art

Episode Overview

We live in a culture flooded with beauty and yet increasingly unable to admire it.

Pornography, social media, and endless visual stimulation have trained us to consume what earlier civilizations learned to behold. In this conversation, I sit down with medieval art historian Will Anselm to explore how art history, theology, and culture once treated beauty as something sacred—and what happens when that reverence is lost.

This episode is about how desire is trained, how perception is formed, and why saturation leads not to satisfaction—but numbness and a dark hole where beauty was supposed to live.

Central Tension of the Episode

Beauty elevates when it is revered.

Beauty corrodes when it is consumed.

This conversation explores how cultures flourish or decay based on how they treat beauty—and why modern society struggles to see clearly anymore.

Major Topics & Themes Discussed

Beholding vs. Consuming

* The difference between encountering beauty and using it

* Why admiration requires distance, restraint, and humility

* How consumption exhausts beauty instead of deepening it

* Why modern culture confuses access with appreciation

What Art History Reveals About Civilization

* Art as a reflection of a culture’s moral and spiritual health

* Why older societies encoded values through form, proportion, and restraint

* Art as formation, not entertainment

* Why timeless art continues to speak while modern imagery quickly fades

The Human Body and Meaning in Ancient Art

* Why male nudity was common in ancient Greek sculpture

* The pursuit of proportion, harmony, and technical mastery

* Why women were depicted differently—and what that distinction protected

* The human body as something meaningful, not exploitable

Guarded Beauty and Cultural Stability

* Why earlier cultures restricted exposure to the female body

* Modesty as protection rather than repression

* The relationship between limits, reverence, and meaning

* How boundaries preserved dignity for both men and women

When Art Signals Cultural Decline

* The shift from classical balance to Hellenistic excess

* Emotional saturation and distortion of the human form

* Softening, decadence, and confusion reflected in art

* How art often reveals decline before culture admits it

Technology, Pornography, and Mass Access

* The printing press as the first mass pornography revolution

* Why technological advancement outpaces moral formation

* Tolkien’s warning about “the machine” and power without virtue

* How modern technology accelerates desire without wisdom

Is Beauty Subjective—or Has Discernment Been Damaged?

* Why “beauty is subjective” is an incomplete answer

* The idea of formed vs. malformed perception

* How taste and desire are trained over time

* Why some things stimulate us but do not elevate us

Pornography and the Warping of the Gaze

* Porn as consumption masquerading as beauty

* How porn trains the eye toward use, not reverence

* Saturation, escalation, and emotional numbness

* Why porn reshapes perception before it reshapes behavior

Nature, Art, and the Recovery of Awe

* Why nature still restores reverence more easily than screens

* Art as imitation (mimesis), not mere self-expression

* Silence, slowness, and presence as antidotes to saturation

* Learning how to behold again

Key Takeaways

* Beauty loses power when it becomes ubiquitous

* Reverence requires limits, not indulgence

* Porn doesn’t just change habits—it retrains perception

* Culture declines when beauty becomes consumable

* Recovery involves learning how to see again

Who This Episode Is For

* Men wrestling with porn and visual temptation

* Listeners interested in art history, theology, and culture

* Anyone feeling numb in a hyper-stimulated world

* Christians seeking a deeper framework for beauty and desire

* Those longing to recover awe, meaning, and reverence

Closing Reflection

Beauty was never meant to be consumed.It was meant to be encountered—with restraint, humility, and wonder.

Where to Find Will

Will’s Substack:

Will’s X(Twitter) Account: https://x.com/willanselme

Will’s CatholicX Spaces Community (Twitter/X):https://x.com/i/communities/1786052823790051599

If this conversation resonated with you, take a moment to engage.

Subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on resilience, recovery, and reclaiming momentum. If you’re listening on Substack, leave a comment and share what stood out or where you feel stuck right now—your voice matters here.

If you know someone who’s quietly in a rut, consider sharing this episode with them. Sometimes the most meaningful help is simply letting someone know they’re not alone and that forward motion is possible.

Your support through listening, commenting, subscribing, and sharing helps this work reach the people who need it most.

Keep fighting the good fight and much love,

Mac

Additional Resources

For more Porn Free Millennial Subscribe to:

* Apple Podcast

* Spotify Podcast

* Youtube Channel

Accountability Software PFM Discount

If you have been stuck and are tired of that horrible feeling, it’s time to test out accountability software on your devices. Software can provide that needed defense and friction to build up your confidence and discipline. I call it “rocket” fuel” for accountability!

* Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 30 day free trial and 20% off after that 30 day trial expires.

* To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

If you’re tired of repeating the same cycle and ready to build something solid, I offer 1:1 coaching focused on accountability, clarity, and sustainable freedom.

Message me “Break Free” for a free 30-minute consult.

For YouTube, Apple, Spotify - Email “Break Free” and what you are seeking help with to pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

Order Within, Freedom Without

Brandon Ward on Faith, Recovery, and Reordering Desire

What happens when the pursuit of freedom on the outside only creates chaos on the inside?

In this deeply vulnerable conversation, I sit down with Brandon Ward 😎, host of Order Within Podcast, to explore how inner disorder—rooted in insecurity, emotional wounds, and pornography—can quietly shape a man’s life for decades. Brandon shares his journey through anger, shame, addiction, and relentless self-searching, and how true freedom only emerged once his inner life began to take shape through faith, honesty, and disciplined self-examination.

From childhood exposure to pornography to living out of his car in San Diego, from self-help obsession to spiritual awakening, Brandon traces the long road toward integration—where faith, desire, and identity finally align. Together, Brandon and I unpack why pornography is uniquely destructive, how it rewires desire and motivation, and why recovery is not just about quitting a habit, but reordering the soul.

This episode is reflective, grounded, and hopeful. A conversation about repentance, partnership, masculinity, and why order within is the only path to freedom without chains.

Topics Covered

* Why “freedom” without inner order leads to chaos

* Pornography as a neurological, emotional, and spiritual trap

* Childhood wounds, shame, and the search for meaning

* How faith reframes recovery and desire

* The role of honesty, repentance, and accountability

* Marriage, partnership, and healing together

* Why modern culture normalizes what quietly destroys us

Books Mentioned in the Episode

* The Magic of Thinking Big – David J. Schwartz

* Mindset – Carol Dweck

* The Drama of the Gifted Child – Alice Miller

* Inner Bonding – Dr. Margaret Paul

* No More Mr. Nice Guy – Dr. Robert Glover

* Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow – Marnia Robinson

* Your Brain on Porn – Gary Wilson

Where to Find Brandon

Brandon’s Substack: https://substack.com/@brandonleeward

Brandon’s Podcast:

If this conversation resonated with you, take a moment to engage.

Subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on resilience, recovery, and reclaiming momentum. If you’re listening on Substack, leave a comment and share what stood out or where you feel stuck right now—your voice matters here.

If you know someone who’s quietly in a rut, consider sharing this episode with them. Sometimes the most meaningful help is simply letting someone know they’re not alone and that forward motion is possible.

Your support through listening, commenting, subscribing, and sharing helps this work reach the people who need it most.

Keep fighting the good fight and much love,

Mac

Additional Resources

For more Porn Free Millennial Subscribe to:

* Apple Podcast

* Spotify Podcast

* Youtube Channel

Accountability Software PFM Discount

If you have been stuck and are tired of that horrible feeling, it’s time to test out accountability software on your devices. Software can provide that needed defense and friction to build up your confidence and discipline. I call it “rocket” fuel” for accountability!

* Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 30 day free trial and 20% off after that 30 day trial expires.

* To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

If you’re tired of repeating the same cycle and ready to build something solid, I offer 1:1 coaching focused on accountability, clarity, and sustainable freedom.

Message me “Break Free” for a free 30-minute consult.

For YouTube, Apple, Spotify - Email “Break Free” and what you are seeking help with to pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

Podcast Episode Notes

Finding Resilience in the RutHow to Regain Traction When Life Feels Stuck

Host: Mac Dohm Guest: Kyle Shepard

About Our Guest

Kyle Shepard is a U.S. Navy Stress Management and Resilience Instructor with over a decade of experience teaching mental performance, stress adaptation, and recovery under pressure. He also holds a Clinical Doctorate in Audiology, where his work focuses on hearing conservation, balance disorders, tinnitus, and the neurological overlap between stress and physical health.

Kyle is the author of the Resilient Mental State on Substack, where he explores practical resilience through philosophy, fitness, discipline, and grounded self-leadership. His work draws from military training, family life, and lived experience, with a strong emphasis on habits, perspective, and action.

To watch or listen to our previous podcast together, check out 45. How to Build & Maintain a Resilient Identity with Military Resilience and Fitness Instructor - Kyle Shepard.

Episode Overview

This conversation explores the experience of being stuck in life—not in crisis, but not moving forward either. Kyle and I unpack what a rut really is, why it becomes dangerous when left unaddressed, and how resilience is built through perspective, disciplined habits, and meaningful action.

Rather than offering motivational platitudes, this episode focuses on practical frameworks for regaining traction when life feels stalled, disoriented, or quietly off course.

Key Concepts and Takeaways

What a Rut Really Is

Kyle defines a rut as a prolonged, unproductive attitude. Not failure. Not weakness. But a sustained misalignment between how you are living and who you know you are meant to be.

Ruts can last a day, a season, or years if they go unexamined.

Ruts as Feedback, Not Failure

A rut is often a signal rather than a verdict. It points to neglected habits, unresolved stress, disrupted identity, or avoidance patterns that quietly compound over time.

When left unaddressed, ruts increase the likelihood of relapse—whether that relapse shows up as addiction, emotional outbursts, disengagement, or numbing behaviors.

Perspective Matters, But Action Is Required

Reframing your mindset is important, but it only goes so far. As discussed in the episode, you cannot think your way out of a rut.

A quote referenced from James Clear captures this well:

“Don’t ruminate. Activate.”

Reflection without movement turns into stagnation.

The Four Buckets of Health

Kyle frames resilience through four interconnected domains:

* Physical

* Mental

* Social

* Spiritual

When even one of these is neglected long enough, imbalance begins to form.

Ruts often reveal which bucket has been quietly ignored.

Delayed Gratification vs. Delayed Humiliation

The conversation highlights a powerful distinction between two paths.

Delayed gratification involves discomfort now with long-term payoff:

* Training

* Honesty

* Discipline

* Effort

Delayed humiliation offers comfort now with consequences later:

* Avoidance

* Numbing

* Addiction

* Rationalization

Ruts tend to deepen when the second path becomes habitual.

Why Environment Alone Won’t Fix the Problem

Changing locations or circumstances rarely solves internal patterns.

As Kyle puts it, wherever you go, you bring yourself with you.

Lasting change requires altering habits, responses, and standards—not just scenery.

The Non-Negotiables When You’re Stuck

When life feels stalled, the fundamentals matter most. Sleep, nutrition, movement, and connection are not optional. They are stabilizers.

Without them, even the best intentions collapse under stress.

Small Action Beats Big Intention

You do not need a perfect plan to regain traction.

You need movement. One workout. One walk. One honest conversation. One disciplined decision.

Momentum follows action, not the other way around.

Who This Episode Is For

This episode is for anyone who feels functional but unfulfilled, for people navigating recovery or identity shifts, and for those who sense that something is off even if life looks fine from the outside.

Core Message

Resilience is not about powering through life.

It is built through honest self-assessment, aligned habits, repeated small actions, and the courage to face discomfort rather than escape it.

Ruts do not end by accident.

They end through awareness and activation, not avoidance.

If this conversation resonated with you, take a moment to engage.

Subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on resilience, recovery, and reclaiming momentum. If you’re listening on Substack, leave a comment and share what stood out or where you feel stuck right now—your voice matters here.

If you know someone who’s quietly in a rut, consider sharing this episode with them. Sometimes the most meaningful help is simply letting someone know they’re not alone and that forward motion is possible.

Your support through listening, commenting, subscribing, and sharing helps this work reach the people who need it most.

Keep fighting the good fight and much love,

Mac

Additional Resources

For more Porn Free Millennial Subscribe to:

* Apple Podcast

* Spotify Podcast

* Youtube Channel

Accountability Software PFM Discount

If you have been stuck and are tired of that horrible feeling, it’s time to test out accountability software on your devices. Software can provide that needed defense and friction to build up your confidence and discipline. I call it “rocket” fuel” for accountability!

* Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 30 day free trial and 20% off after that 30 day trial expires.

* To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

If you’re tired of repeating the same cycle and ready to build something solid, I offer 1:1 coaching focused on accountability, clarity, and sustainable freedom.

Message me “Break Free” for a free 30-minute consult.

For YouTube, Apple, Spotify - Email “Break Free” and what you are seeking help with to pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode, I’m joined once again by counselor Jeanie Hosken author of the Restoration Center Encouragement Substack and owner of Restoration Centercounseling for a deeply honest and practical conversation about why apologizing is so hard and what a real apology actually requires.

Building on our previous discussion about emotional intelligence (Episode 54), this episode explores how unresolved shame, defensiveness, pride, and a lack of modeling in our upbringing often sabotage our attempts at repair - especially in relationships impacted by porn use, secrecy, and broken trust.

I reflect candidly on my own past marriage, the pain caused by dishonesty around porn, and how saying “sorry” without understanding what you’re apologizing for can do more harm than good. Together, Jeanie and I break down the anatomy of a genuine apology, one that leads to healing rather than further disconnection.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

* Why most of us were never taught how to apologize well—and how that shows up in adult relationships

* How unprocessed emotions shut down our ability to repair and take responsibility

* The difference between intention and impact—and why impact always matters more

* Why defensiveness, minimization, and “I’m sorry you feel that way” aren’t real apologies

* The importance of emotional regulation before attempting repair

* How porn addiction warps accountability, honesty, and empathy

* Why listening without defending yourself is essential to rebuilding trust

* How faith, repentance, and humility can break the cycle of deception and shame

* Practical language for owning your actions without excuses

* Why a rushed apology often serves the offender more than the person who was hurt

Key takeaway:

A real apology is a process - not just saying sorry.

It requires ownership, emotional awareness, listening without defense, and the humility to sit with the pain you caused without trying to escape it.

This episode is essential listening for anyone navigating recovery, rebuilding trust, or learning how to repair relationships with integrity.

Resources & Links

🔗 Jeanie Hoskin – Counseling & Substack

👉 Jeanie’s Restoration Center Encouragement Substack

👉 Jeanie & Jeff’s counseling services

🔗 Previous Conversation with Jeannie

👉 Episodehttps://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/p/from-the-shadows-to-the-light-my43. From the Shadows to the Light – My Journey Out of Porn Prison

👉 Episodehttps://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/p/healing-porn-addiction-through-emotional44. Healing Porn Addiction Through Emotional Intimacy, Connection, and Comfort (with Counselor Jeanie Hosken)

👉 Episode 55: How to Develop Emotional Intelligence in a Porn-Saturated Culture

Additional Resources

For more Porn Free Millennial Subscribe to:

* Apple Podcast

* Spotify Podcast

* Youtube Channel

Accountability Software PFM Discount

If you have been stuck and are tired of that horrible feeling, it’s time to test out accountability software on your devices. Software can provide that needed defense and friction to build up your confidence and discipline. I call it “rocket” fuel” for accountability!

* Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 30 day free trial and 20% off after that 30 day trial expires.

* To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

If you’re tired of repeating the same cycle and ready to build something solid, I offer 1:1 coaching focused on accountability, clarity, and sustainable freedom.

Message me “Break Free” for a free 30-minute consult.

For YouTube, Apple, Spotify - Email “Break Free” and what you are seeking help with to pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

A quick reflection on encouragement and ending the year strong.

Much Love,

Mac

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe

In this end-of-year conversation, we are honored to have returning guest and counselor Jeanie Hosken creator of the Restoration Center Encouragement Substack for a deep dive into emotional intelligence in a porn-saturated culture - what emotional intelligence is, how porn quietly stunts it, and how it can be rebuilt through awareness, honesty, and connection.

Together, we explore why many men struggle to name what they’re feeling, how early exposure to porn trains emotional avoidance rather than emotional awareness, and why intimacy requires far more than physical closeness.

Jeanie explains emotional intelligence as the ability to recognize, name, and respond to emotions - both in ourselves and in others - rather than reacting, numbing, or shutting down.

This episode covers:

* What emotional intelligence actually is (and why most of us were never taught it)

* How porn becomes a shortcut for avoiding loneliness, fear, shame, and pain

* Why “I’m fine” is often a sign of emotional disconnection

* The role of naming emotions as the first step toward healing

* How porn creates false comfort while eroding real intimacy

* Why defensiveness kills connection and what emotional safety looks like instead

* Practical ways to start rebuilding emotional intelligence through daily practice

* How learning to respond (not react) transforms relationships and recovery

This conversation is especially relevant for anyone working to break free from porn, strengthen relationships, or learn how to feel again after years of emotional numbing.

Resources & Links

🔗 Jeanie Hoskin – Counseling & Substack👉 Jeanie’s Restoration Center Encouragement Substack👉 Jeanie & Jeff’s counseling services

🔗 Previous Conversation with Jeannie👉 Episode 44: Healing Porn Addiction Through Emotional Intimacy, Connection, and Comfort (with Counselor Jeanie Hosken)

🔗 Emotional Awareness Tools👉 Developing Emotional Intelligence Document (Includes Feeling Wheel)

🔗 Porn Free Millennial Resources👉 Porn Free Millennial Substack👉 Podcast Archive👉 Ever Accountablehttps://home.everaccountable.com/p/20_percent_one_year/?linkId=lp_597499&sourceId=porn-free-millennial&tenantId=everaccountable&affS1=naSoftware-Free 30-Days & 20% A Year Subscription

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit https://pornfreemillennial.substack.com/subscribe