Sober Powered: The Neuroscience of Being Sober

Sometimes the most surprising part of quitting drinking isn’t how much you want a drink. It’s how much you want everyone to leave you alone. This can be confusing. Why are you so impatient? Is this your personality without alcohol? Are you going to spend the rest of your sober life annoyed with everyone?

Irritability means you’re more easily annoyed or frustrated. You don’t necessarily start the day angry about something specific, but it takes less to get you there. Quitting drinking can involve several overlapping adjustments, and irritability doesn’t have one explanation. Today, we’ll talk about those contributors, why small things can feel so difficult, and how to recognize what’s building before irritation turns into an outburst or a reason to drink. I’ll also explain what to expect over time and what progress looks like.

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• Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership
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• If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered
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Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.

Sources

• Fox HC, Alcina J, Hyman SM, Milivojevic V, Sinha R. Early alcohol abstinence symptoms and the role of cumulative adversity. Alcohol Clin Exp Res (Hoboken). 2025
• Krizan Z, Hisler G. Sleepy anger: restricted sleep amplifies angry feelings. J Exp Psychol Gen. 2019
• Ottonello M, Fiabane E, Pistarini C, Spigno P, Torselli E. Difficulties in emotion regulation during rehabilitation for alcohol addiction: correlations with metacognitive beliefs about alcohol use and relapse risk. Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat. 2019

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We expect to feel better once we stop drinking, and then sometimes we’re more anxious, irritable, unable to sleep, and bothered by everything. You might feel restless when you try to relax or exhausted but unable to settle down. Your emotions may feel more intense without alcohol there to shut them off. It’s easy to interpret this as evidence that quitting was the wrong choice. Now you’re not drinking, and your body seems even more activated. Maybe alcohol really was the only thing that calmed you down.

But there’s a difference between regulation and chemical relief. Regulation is your ability to respond to what’s happening and eventually recover once the challenge has passed. Chemical relief changes your experience quickly so you don’t have to remain present with it. You feel stressed, lonely, bored, or overwhelmed, then you drink and feel different.

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• If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered
• Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.

References

• Prisciandaro JJ, Schacht JP, Prescot AP, et al. Intraindividual changes in brain GABA, glutamate, and glutamine during monitored abstinence from alcohol in treatment-naive individuals with alcohol use disorder. Addict Biol. 2020
• Claisse C, Cottencin O, Ott L, Berna G, Danel T, Nandrino JL. Heart rate variability changes and emotion regulation abilities in short- and long-term abstinent alcoholic individuals. Drug Alcohol Depend. 2017
• Zou X, Durazzo TC, Meyerhoff DJ. Regional Brain Volume Changes in Alcohol-Dependent Individuals During Short-Term and Long-Term Abstinence. Alcohol Clin Exp Res. 2018
• de Zambotti, M., Willoughby, A. R., Baker, F. C., Sugarbaker, D. S., & Colrain, I. M. Cardiac autonomic function during sleep: Effects of alcohol dependence and evidence of partial recovery with abstinence. Alcohol, 2015.
• Eddie, D., Wieman, S., Pietrzak, A., & Zhai, X. In natura heart rate variability predicts subsequent alcohol use in individuals in early recovery from alcohol use disorder. Addiction Biology, 2023.

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Many of us use alcohol to turn off our brain, escape our problems, or check out, but escapism is actually associated with more intense drinking and lower life satisfaction. In this episode you’ll learn about the different theories behind escapism, why we’re doing this, and how it makes our problems worse. I hope that this episode can help you make some connections so you realize drinking isn’t helping you. I’ll also share a personal story of when I drank to escape and how that went for me.

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• You’ll hear from me every week-ish https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Support the show:

• If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered
• Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.

What to listen to next

E213: self care is not temporarily turning off your brain

E214: self-medication

E216: 4 types of impulsivity

Sources

• Jouhki, H., Oksanen, A. To Get High or to Get Out? Examining the Link between Addictive Behaviors and Escapism. Substance Use & Misuse. 2022.

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I know it feels like alcohol is required to relax. I felt that way too, but it's not. Turning off your brain at the end of the day is not the same thing as relaxing. In this episode, I’m going to explain what the research tells us about alcohol and your stress system, why short-term relief doesn’t necessarily mean drinking is helping you cope over time, and how stress can become connected to the motivation to keep drinking. Let’s start with what happens when you drink after a stressful experience, because understanding why alcohol feels helpful is part of understanding why we become so attached to it.

Work with me:

• Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership
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Weekly email:

• You’ll hear from me every week-ish https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Support the show:

• If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered
• Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.

Sources:

• Muehlhan M, Höcker A, Miller R, et al. HPA axis stress reactivity and hair cortisol concentrations in recently detoxified alcoholics and healthy controls with and without childhood maltreatment. Addict Biol. 2020
• Blaine SK, Ridner C, Campbell B, et al. People who binge drink show neuroendocrine tolerance to alcohol cues that is associated with immediate and future drinking- results from a randomized clinical experiment. Neuropsychopharmacology. 2023
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• Adinoff B, Leonard D, Price J, et al. Adrenocortical sensitivity, moderated by ongoing stress, predicts drinking intensity in alcohol-dependent men. Psychoneuroendocrinology. 2017

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We believe alcohol is required for vacations, unwinding, dealing with stress, celebrating, and socializing. We have built up powerful associations in our brains to reinforce these beliefs through dopamine and repetition. After you get sober, facing life without alcohol can feel impossible. Everything reminds you of alcohol. You start to notice how prevalent it is on TV and in movies. In this episode, I’m explaining how the brain builds associations with alcohol, how that gets worse while we stay in the back and forth, and how we break down these associations after getting sober.

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Many of us, myself included, get stuck in a cycle where we keep convincing ourselves we can drink again and then we’re shocked when it doesn’t go well. There are a couple of reasons why this happens, and it’s not simply because you forgot. There’s more to it. You’re not doomed to keep repeating this cycle forever.

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There is a difference between knowing that you need to be sober and accepting that you need to be sober. Acceptance changes the question from “can I drink?” to “since drinking is not an option for me, what do I need now, and what am I going to do next?”

In this episode, I’m going to talk about why accepting sobriety can feel like such a loss, how resistance shows up differently when you’re sober curious, newly sober, or years into sobriety, and why you can accept that you have to be sober without liking it, feeling peaceful about it, or pretending that it’s fair.

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There are a few stages that we go through on the path to truly acknowledging our drinking. One of the earlier ones is when drinking feels mysterious, so the “I drank and I don’t know why” or “it’s just a bad habit” person. Another one is getting really into learning and then doing nothing with everything you learn.

I got obsessed with the science when I quit drinking. It helped me understand myself and why this happened to me, but learning didn’t help me change what was causing all of my problems. I began shifting this podcast to talk more about behavior change once I noticed the same thing happening with my listeners. Sometimes I’d see people use scientific explanations before looking at the behavior right in front of them. They’d say they drank because PAWS is so hard to deal with, but they were on day 4. You can’t have post-acute withdrawal if you’re still in acute withdrawal. In that moment, the label became a way to explain the behavior without looking at what needed to change.

Insight gives us a reason to explain our behavior without having to change it.

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Your brain is wired for quick hits of dopamine, or high-reward, low-effort habits that feel good in the moment but sabotage your long-term goals. Over time, this conditions your brain to expect rewards without effort, making real change feel harder than it actually is. In this episode, I’ll explain how these patterns destroy motivation, fuel inconsistent effort, and keep you stuck in the cycle of short bursts of change followed by slinking back to your old ways. You’ll learn how high dopamine, low effort behaviors impact the brain, how this makes us resistant to putting in effort, and 3 ways you may be making being sober feel more difficult for yourself than it needs to be- and how to shift that.

What to listen to next:

E265: Rewiring Your Reward System After Getting Sober

E263: Sugar Cravings After Quitting Drinking

E145: ADHD and Alcohol

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Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.

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When you're thinking about your relationship with alcohol you may stay stuck in, "am I bad enough?" for years before taking the next step. This episode is a way to think about the question and the ambivalence of wanting to quit but also secretly hoping you can drink without the consequences someday.

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There’s a difference between wanting the pain to stop and being willing to change the pattern, between wanting the benefits of sobriety and being willing to accept what sobriety requires, between saying, “I want to quit,” and actually becoming someone who protects that decision after the urgency fades. Wanting alone will keep you in the same loop if part of you still hopes that alcohol will stay available as an option.

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This is where I think people misunderstand what “doing the work” actually means. Doing the work is not just listening to sobriety content, understanding the science, or listening to people do the work in meetings. That information matters, but information alone isn’t going to change the pattern. You may have noticed how this podcast has evolved over the years. Each episode used to be a deep dive into the science, and then I’ve talked about it less and less. I learned that understanding what’s going on helps a lot, but it’s really the beginning of the story, not the end.

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I'm working hard on the last part of the dabbling series, but it's delayed by 1 week because I've been sick. Please enjoy this popular replay about how many times it takes to quit drinking for good.

Multiple quit attempts are common when you are trying to get sober, but how many tries does it take before it finally sticks? In this episode I’ll cover the statistics on relapse rates and share all the data I’ve found on the number of quit attempts it takes to stay sober for good. You’ll learn about what makes sobriety more challenging, and what you can do to make this quit attempt your final try.

What to listen to next:

E249: Alcohol and Cortisol: Extra Stress and Extra Cravings

E248: You Can’t Be Comfortable AND Stay Sober

E238: Why Moderation Doesn’t Work

E197: Making the DECISION to Quit Drinking

Sober Support:

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⁠⁠https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors⁠⁠

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Story time. In the last episode, I talked about the difference between dabbling in sobriety and actually committing to it. In the next episode, I’m going to talk more about what it looks like to stop dabbling and start doing the work. But before we get there, I want to tell you a story from when I was sober curious, because this is one of the clearest examples I have of thinking I was committed when I was actually dabbling so you can have an example of what I’m talking about in this dabbling series.

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Dabbling is when you stay close enough to sobriety to feel like you’re doing something, but not close enough for sobriety to actually change you. You listen to podcasts, follow sober accounts, make a Day 1 post. Maybe you go to a meeting. You lurk. You think about quitting. You say, “I know what I need to do.” You collect information, gather advice, and understand the problem intellectually. Then you disappear, or you get a little time and pull back, and you wait until things get bad again before you re-engage.

We all go through a dabbling stage. Sometimes listening, reading, and observing are the first steps. But at some point, dabbling becomes a way to get the emotional relief of feeling like you’re working on the problem, without requiring the behavioral change that would actually move you forward.

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We think that turning off our brain with alcohol at the end of the day is “me time” and it’s the only way to get a break. This isn’t self-care, it’s called being depleted and trying to survive a life that drains you. Poor self-care is one of the most reliable predictors of relapse in people trying to get sober. It’s important and in this episode I’m explaining what self-care is and 5 simple ways you can begin to prioritize self-care in your life.

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One of the sneakiest thoughts in sobriety is, “Maybe I could drink differently now.” This fantasy so convincing because it uses your progress as evidence. It says, “You’re not the same person anymore. You have more tools now. You wouldn’t let it get that bad again. You could probably have one drink on vacation, or at a wedding, or on a special occasion, and be fine.”

However, you became more stable because alcohol was removed and you started building your life without it. Your emotional capacity improved because you stopped using alcohol to avoid every uncomfortable feeling.

So yes, you may be different now. But you are different because sobriety is working, not because you've magically become cured from taking some time off.

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Romanticizing alcohol can be one of the most confusing parts of sobriety because logically, you know what alcohol did to you, but your brain still makes it sound appealing. When that happens, your brain usually isn’t remembering the full drinking experience — it’s remembering the relief, the state change, and the moment before the consequences showed up. That doesn’t mean you secretly want to ruin your life or that you don’t know better; it means your brain is retrieving an edited version of the story. When stress, boredom, loneliness, resentment, overwhelm, social pressure, or exhaustion show up, your brain may pull up alcohol as an old solution until you build more reliable ways to respond to those feelings.

This episode is about why we romanticize drinking and how to prepare yourself for these thoughts so they don't trick you back into the cycle.

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A lot of people treat quitting drinking like it’s something they can start whenever they want. They think, “I’ll quit after this trip.” “I’ll quit after the summer.” “I’ll quit after my birthday.” “I’ll quit when work calms down.” “I’ll quit after the holidays.” “I’ll quit when I feel more ready.” or “I’ll try again tomorrow”

On the surface, that sounds reasonable. It sounds like you’re making a plan. It sounds like you’re choosing a better time. It sounds like you’re saying, “Yes, I know this needs to change, but I’m going to wait until I can really focus on it.”

But the problem is that readiness is not always available. Sometimes you get a rare moment where everything lines up in a way that lets you finally see the truth. Maybe you wake up with anxiety that feels different this time. Maybe you’re exhausted from disappointing yourself. Maybe you’re tired of making rules and breaking them. Maybe you’re tired of waking up and trying to piece together what happened. Maybe you’re tired of pretending it isn’t as bad as it feels. Maybe you have one of those moments where the denial drops just long enough for you to think, “I can’t keep doing this. Something has to change.”

The mistake people make is assuming that moment will still be there tomorrow.

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Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership

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Content only membership https://community.soberpowered.com/checkout/lessons

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Weekly email:

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You’ll hear from me every week-ish https://www.soberpowered.com/email

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Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.

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Regular drinking and early sobriety often feel like living on autopilot, where we are repeating the same routines without conscious awareness. Alcohol changes the brain to increase mindless activity, which can lead to rumination, excessive self-focus, anxiety, and addiction-related thought loops. In this episode, you’ll learn about how alcohol affects the brain and puts us on autopilot, how this keeps us stuck, and when this recovers in sobriety. Many people mistake life stress as the main source of overwhelm, but a lot of it actually comes from how alcohol disrupts brain function.

What to listen to next:

E220: The Hippocampus and Alcohol: Blackouts, Memory Deficits, and Learned Associations

E191: Going Back and Forth Makes Your Cravings Stronger

E238: Why Moderation Doesn't Work

Sober Support:

• Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life ⁠https://www.soberpowered.com/membership⁠
• Weekly emails on Fridays ⁠https://www.soberpowered.com/email⁠

Work with me:

• Sober coaching ⁠https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching⁠

Courses:

• The non-negotiable mindset ⁠https://www.soberpowered.com/mindset-course⁠
• Sober milestones: what to expect when you quit drinking ⁠https://sobermilestones.supercast.com/⁠
• Anger Management ⁠https://www.soberpowered.com/anger⁠

Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors. Learn more:

⁠https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors⁠

If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast. This is a one woman show!⁠ https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered⁠

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://megaphone.fm/adchoices

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.