Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? They were married, divorced, and then married again. And with four kids between them, tensions run high. They fight about everything: the chores, the cats, who gets to tell who what to do. They come into the session with one story and Esther helps them write an alternate version.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Relationships are undergoing a massive cultural shift. We've never been more connected, and we've never felt more disconnected. We crave understanding and collective experience. We want to be seen but we're optimizing for isolation. Esther believes that the only way to improve our relationships is to remember the basics of being together. This is why she's inviting you to join her for an immersive experience: her international tour, Strangers, Friends, and Lovers. Tickets are selling fast. Get yours now at estherperel.com/tour.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.comThis is a classic session of Where Should We Begin?

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After years of struggling to stay present during sex, one caller wonders if her fantasies are keeping her from the intimacy she longs for. The more she depends on fantasies of domination and humiliation, the more she questions what they mean about her and her relationships. Esther helps her explore the difference between fantasy and flight, and how sexual patterns can become a language for deeper emotional needs. What happens when the fantasy is not the problem, but the place we go when it feels too risky to be fully seen?

Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Relationships are undergoing a massive cultural shift. We've never been more connected, and we've never felt more disconnected. We crave understanding and collective experience. We want to be seen but we're optimizing for isolation. Esther believes that the only way to improve our relationships is to remember the basics of being together. This is why she's inviting you to join her for an immersive experience: her international tour, Strangers, Friends, and Lovers. Tickets are selling fast. Get yours now at estherperel.com/tour.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After decades together, he wonders whether he can stay in a marriage where intimacy and connection has all but disappeared. He's touch-starved and lonely and questioning whether preserving the family unit for the sake of his young daughter, is worth the cost of losing himself. Esther helps him look beyond the question of whether to stay or leave and toward what he needs to feel alive and true to himself.

Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Relationships are undergoing a massive cultural shift. We've never been more connected, and we've never felt more disconnected. We crave understanding and collective experience. We want to be seen but we're optimizing for isolation. Esther believes that the only way to improve our relationships is to remember the basics of being together. This is why she's inviting you to join her for an immersive experience: her international tour, Strangers, Friends, and Lovers. Tickets are selling fast. Get yours now at estherperel.com/tour.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Couples often struggle with gaps in their sex drives, but what does a couple do when one person has no desire for sex whatsoever? A married couple comes to Esther with this question: one of them has recently discovered that she's asexual, while the other craves sex as a primary form of connection. Is theirs an irreconcilable difference? Is there hope for their future, or should they accept that divorce is the only option before them? Esther challenges their long-held assumptions about sexuality, and offers a third path forward.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? She has no boundaries, he’s walled off. And their opposing communication styles cause immediate tension in this explosive session. So much so, that Esther finds herself adding to the chorus of angry voices. There might only be three people in this session, but Esther realizes she needs at least three more chairs for the in-laws whose voices and opinions are always playing in the background of this marriage.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After the end of a fifteen-year marriage, she is trying to make sense of something she never imagined would become part of her family's story: her ex-husband's love affair with an AI companion. As her children struggle to make sense of what is real and what isn't, she turns to Esther for guidance on how to keep them grounded without invalidating their experience. How do you help your children trust reality without asking them to choose between their parents?

Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Conflict is not toxic or immoral. In fact, it's generative and the lifeblood of our relationships. It isn't something to avoid. It matters, and it can even bring us closer together. Priya Parker, author of The Art of Fighting, joins Esther to dig into how conflict can be a productive force in our relationships rather than something to fear.

For more about Priya Parker and The Art of Fighting visit https://www.priyaparker.com/

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A married couple arrives at Esther’s office hoping to recover from a devastating rupture with his mother after the birth of their first child. But immediately their session reveals a longer, more complex history of betrayal within their relationship and within his larger family system. Having a child, and experiencing an absolute break from his abusive mother, finally disrupted the toxic dynamics between the couple. Now, as they revisit the moments when she felt most abandoned by him, Esther helps them explore the differences between shame and accountability, the legacy of childhood family systems, and what it takes to truly repair the pain you've caused someone you love.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? They've been on and off for almost 20 years. While she takes care of his and their child, she wants to know that he's also there for her. He's been battling depression for years. And the shame that comes with it.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

He comes to Esther not with a singular question but with an overflow of words and unspoken truths. Betrayed by a once-supportive church and struggling to reconcile his desires with his emotions, he carries a loneliness that has followed him across continents. This session is all about naming. Naming the parts of his life, the feelings left unspoken, and the longings that ache in his heart.

Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A young woman writes to Esther asking why she is interested in someone emotionally unavailable. Despite efforts to break this pattern, she realizes that some of her behaviors are rooted in a deep sense of control and the need to feel worthy of her parents' sacrifices. Esther walks her through this need for control and how to reclaim a sense of independence.

Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this classic Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman looking for clarity on whether she's being overly sensitive to her partner's critiques or if he is, in fact, gaslighting her. She has struggled with boundary setting before and she wonders if she is repeating the pattern here.

Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What is the distinction between a love story and a life story? And what happens when they no longer move in the same direction? After returning to the Philippines to reconnect with a former partner she never fully let go of, one caller finds herself overwhelmed by grief, longing, and the fear of saying goodbye. Esther helps her untangle the relationship from the life it once represented and explore why some goodbyes are harder than others. What does it mean to hold onto someone with love without remaining tethered to them forever?

Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? They share a legacy of war, a refugee upbringing and family trauma. Their marriage was seen as taboo and now they're trying to build a happier relationship for their child.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

She comes to Esther with a question that feels distinctly of this moment: when does a tool become a transgression? After leaving a long, stable marriage, she finds herself in a new relationship marked by intense highs and low lows. She turns to AI, using it as a real-time coach to navigate arguments and break painful communication loops. She shows up differently, and the relationship begins to shift. But as the dust settles, a new question emerges. What does it mean to rely on something your partner doesn’t know about, and wouldn’t agree with? Is her use of ChatGPT a tool or a transgression?

Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The two couples had been inseparable—neighbors, chosen family, godparents to each other's children. She reaches out to Esther in despair after discovering that her husband had a ten-year-old affair with her best friend. For a decade, he kept the betrayal hidden while she believed they had built a loving marriage and family. Now she's left questioning whether any of it was real. They both want to stay together, but she's trapped in doubt and grief, while he's desperate to repair what he's broken. What does it take to rebuild a relationship after a betrayal of this magnitude?

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When his ex calls in the middle of a crisis, he finds himself pulled back into a familiar role: the rescuer. He's always been the one women confide in, the one who steps up, the one who proves he's a good man by making sure no one falls apart on his watch. It’s a hero complex he wears easily. If he’s needed, he feels powerful. If he’s not, he feels invisible. He’s the strong one, the reliable one, and yet he rarely asks for help himself. Can he be loved not just for what he gives, but for who he is?

Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week, Esther invites you into a conversation about desire, disruption, and what it means to stay alive to one another in a rapidly changing world.

Recorded live at Sessions Live, Esther is joined by journalist and Head of Content at Esther Perel Global Media, Mary Alice Miller, for a look back on twenty years of Mating in Captivity and explore how our ideas about intimacy, desire, and relationships have evolved.

Also, just for you, inspired by the anniversary of Mating in Captivity, Esther has also curated a special playlist of Where Should We Begin podcast sessions exploring themes from the book: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4d1AeEj4uypRpUnrgv6dlm?si=cIw37dzLTMaoBeagQPi1Cw

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? They grew up with traumatic backgrounds, met in college, immigrated to the US together. They've built stability and security, and now one of them longs for more freedom.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Twin brothers come to Esther with a shared question: how do they break free from the conflict that has shaped their relationship for years? One feels smothered, the other abandoned, and together they are caught in a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal that neither knows how to escape. With Esther, they explore how to loosen the grip of old roles and find each other again, not just as twins, but as two distinct people learning how to stay connected without losing themselves.

Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com.

Producer’s Note: When our anonymous guests do a session with Esther for the podcast, it is an act of generosity for everyone who listens. These sessions are meant not only to support the people in the room with Esther, but all of us who learn from their stories. Our stories have many chapters, and what you hear is just one moment in someone’s journey. So even though the sessions are anonymous, please remember that real people are behind them and they may be reading your comments.

Also, please join me on Entre Nous, my new home on Substack for anyone who wants to live, love, and work with more connection and imagination. I invite you to sign up and become a free or paid member at estherperel.substack.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices