Your Thoughts Your Reality

Send us Fan Mail

What do you do with fear you cannot fix?

For military families, veterans, caregivers, and anyone living through uncertainty, there are seasons when you cannot control the deployment, the danger, the diagnosis, the grief, or what happens next.

You can only decide what you do with everything you are carrying.

But sometimes, the practice that helps one person survive a difficult chapter grows into something much bigger.

Sometimes hope becomes legacy.

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Anne Jolles, creator of Grace Trail, award-winning author, life coach, TEDx speaker, cancer survivor, and military mother.

Together, Mike and Anne explore Legacy — The 10th Silent War through the story of how five simple questions Anne originally used to help herself navigate fear and uncertainty eventually became a nationwide tool for resilience, reflection, connection, and hope.

Grace Trail is built around five words:

G — Gratitude: What am I grateful for?
R — Release: What do I need to release?
A — Accept: What do I need to accept?
C — Challenge: How do I need to challenge myself to move forward?
E — Embrace: What can I embrace as possible?

Anne first discovered these questions during a difficult period in her own life.

Years later, when her son Rob deployed to Afghanistan, the fear and uncertainty of being a military mother brought Anne back to them.

Then she read an article about veterans walking the Appalachian Trail after war.

Anne remembers thinking:

“Where do I go to walk off my war?”

She was not comparing her experience to combat. But internally, she was struggling with a battle of her own—the fear, helplessness, and emotional weight of having a son deployed into danger.

So she created her own trail.

Anne placed five rocks along the harbor in Plymouth, Massachusetts, wrote one Grace Trail question on each, and began walking.

She expected it to remain personal.

Instead, people started showing up.

Military families.
Veterans.
People grieving.
Cancer survivors.
Families.
Couples.
Students.

What had become a lifeline for Anne was becoming a path other people could use to find their own footing.

Today, Grace Trail has expanded into communities, schools, healthcare settings, veteran-focused spaces, and organizations—including a Grace Trail being established at a VA campus in Massachusetts.

That is where this episode becomes a conversation about Legacy — The 10th Silent War.

Legacy does not always begin with a plan to change thousands of lives.

Sometimes it begins because you found something that helped you survive—and then chose to make it available to someone else.

This conversation also connects naturally to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Legacy — The 10th Silent War: “What can I create from what I have lived through that may continue helping others?”
• Control — The 4th Silent War: “What is actually within my control, and where should I put my energy?”
• Emotional Armor — The 7th Silent War: “What have I built around myself that I may finally be ready to examine?”
• Direction — The 8th Silent War: “What is the next challenge I choose—not simply the next task on my list?”
• Connection — The 3rd Silent War: “What happens when someone listens without judging, fixing, or giving advice?”

Anne explains that release is not pretending difficult things do not exist.

It begins by separating what is within your control from what is not.

Put your precious energy toward what you can influence.

Even a caregiver who cannot change the situation may be able to create one hour of freedom.

That hour matters.

Her approach to acceptance is equally important.

Acceptance does not mean approving of what happened, surrendering, or pretending everything is okay.

Anne describes a spectrum from denial to acceptance and argues that the first step is often simply acknowledgment:

“This is what is.”

Acceptance may take months or years. It cannot be forced.

She shares the story of a veteran in a wheelchair who realized while walking Grace Trail that after years of anger, he had finally reached a place of greater acceptance.

She also shares the story of Chris, a man who had survived suicide attempts and initially thought Grace Trail sounded “woo-woo.” He kept walking it anyway. Over time, he credited the practice of walking, reflecting, and repeatedly asking the five questions as one part of his path toward better health.

Grace Trail is not about someone else giving you the answers.

In fact, Anne has a rule:

No judgment. No criticism. No advice.

Ask the question.

Walk.

Listen.

Let people discover their own answers when they are ready.

One veteran explained to Anne that anger had fueled his success in the military. It helped him power through circumstances others could not.

But later, that same anger became increasingly heavy to carry.

Recognizing that was the beginning of release.

Because a strength that served you in one chapter may not be what you need in the next.

Perhaps the most powerful evidence of Anne’s legacy comes from children.

Elementary school students are now using Grace Trail questions in classrooms and on school grounds. One group even incorporated Grace Trail into a legacy mural they created before moving on to middle school.

The questions that once helped a military mother find hope are now being carried forward by another generation.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How Anne Jolles created Grace Trail during periods of personal struggle and her son’s military deployment
• The five Grace Trail questions: Gratitude, Release, Accept, Challenge, and Embrace
• Why gratitude can create a starting point even during fear, grief, or uncertainty
• How to separate what is within your control from what is not
• Why acceptance does not mean approval, surrender, or giving up hope
• How walking, nature, silence, and powerful questions can create space for reflection
• Why the challenge question is about intentional direction—not another item on your to-do list
• How asking “What can I embrace as possible?” opens the door to imagination and hope
• Why listening without fixing, judging, or giving advice can create deeper connection
• How something created to help one person cope can become a legacy that helps thousands

Before moving on, take five quiet minutes and ask yourself the five questions:

What am I grateful for?
What do I need to release?
What do I need to accept?
How do I want to challenge myself?
What can I embrace as possible?

You do not need all the answers today.

Just be willing to ask.

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Learn more about Anne Jolles, Grace Trail, the book, trail kits, community installations, and how organizations can bring Grace Trail into their own spaces:

👉 https://gracetrail.com/

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And sometimes legacy begins with the questions that helped you find hope—and your willingness to leave that trail behind for someone else.

#Legacy #TheTenthSilentWar #AnneJolles #GraceTrail #MilitaryFamilies #Veterans #Resilience #Hope #MentalWellness #Caregivers #PersonalGrowth #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What happens when the business you believed in fails—and takes hundreds of thousands of dollars with it?

For entrepreneurs, veterans, leaders, and high performers, success can become deeply connected to identity.

The business.
The income.
The achievement.
The next win.

But when the thing you worked hardest to build disappears, a much harder question remains:

What survived the failure?

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Ken Wimberly, a U.S. Navy Gulf War veteran, entrepreneur, commercial real estate professional, husband, father of three, and co-founder of Laundry Luv.

Together, Mike and Ken explore Legacy — The 10th Silent War through a brutally real conversation about entrepreneurship, business failure, resilience, family, service, purpose, and redefining what success actually means.

Ken’s relationship with structure started early.

Growing up in an unstructured single-parent household, he asked to attend military school at only 12 years old. He eventually graduated valedictorian at 16.

Then college gave him freedom—and things changed.

Ken struggled academically, eventually failing out of Texas A&M before rebuilding his grades and continuing his education. When the Gulf War began, he enlisted in the Navy.

Military service brought structure, discipline, and focus back into his life.

When Ken returned to college, the student who had once failed out finished with a 4.0.

But military service also reinforced something that would shape his entrepreneurial future: Ken wanted the opportunity to be rewarded for what he could build, create, and contribute—not simply how long he had occupied a position.

That drive eventually led him into entrepreneurship.

Years later, fatherhood changed the way Ken thought about success again.

When his daughter Grace was young, Ken began writing journal entries to her. His son Knox was still in the womb when Ken began doing the same for him.

The idea was simple:

Capture the moments.

The memories.
The lessons.
The things his children might someday wish they could ask their dad.

Ken planned to give each child 18 years of their life through his eyes when they graduated from high school.

That personal practice eventually became Legacy Journal, a technology company designed to help other families preserve memories and life lessons for future generations.

Ken believed deeply in the idea.

So did his investors.

Over roughly four years, approximately $800,000 in personal and investor capital went into trying to make the company work.

It didn’t.

Ken eventually had to make one of the hardest decisions of his entrepreneurial life: shut the company down.

Then came the calls.

One by one, he personally called the people who had trusted him with their money and explained that their investment had gone to zero.

The investors responded with grace.

Ken did not extend that same grace to himself nearly as easily.

He describes the following six to twelve months as one of the darkest periods of his life.

Because he had not simply invested money into Legacy Journal.

He had invested part of his identity into it.

That is where this conversation becomes about much more than business.

This episode directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Legacy — The 10th Silent War: “What survives when the original thing I built does not?”
• Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I when something I tied my identity to fails?”
• Mission — The 2nd Silent War: “What am I called to build next?”
• Self-Worth — The 6th Silent War: “Does a failed outcome mean I am a failure?”
• Direction — The 8th Silent War: “What can this experience teach me about where I go from here?”

Ken and Mike talk honestly about the grieving process that can follow a failed business, dream, career, relationship, or major life plan.

You do not always immediately find the lesson.

Sometimes you first have to grieve what you lost.

But eventually, Ken began asking different questions:

What did this teach me?
What can I see now that I couldn’t see then?
What will I do differently next time?

His belief is that failures often teach us more than successes because we are far more likely to study what went wrong.

And the most interesting part of Ken’s story may be this:

The company failed. The legacy did not.

Ken still journals for his children.

His older children have received the journals he began writing for them years ago. He continues documenting memories, lessons, wisdom, and moments for his youngest son.

The business model did not survive.

The reason he created it did.

At the same time Ken was building Legacy Journal, another business was beginning: Laundry Luv.

Today, Laundry Luv is intentionally built as more than a laundromat. Its locations are designed as welcoming community spaces with children’s literacy and play areas, community giving initiatives, food assistance, holiday programs, and a focus on helping customers feel seen and valued.

Ken describes the philosophy simply:

Do good by doing good.

For him, that is what the second half of life is increasingly about—family, service, giving back, and using business as a vehicle for community impact.

That may be the biggest lesson in this conversation.

Legacy is not necessarily the company that survives forever.

It is what the experience builds in you, what you pass to your family, how you treat people along the way, and what you choose to build next.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How military structure and discipline helped Ken rebuild after struggling in college
• Why becoming a father completely changed his definition of legacy
• How a simple monthly journaling practice grew into Legacy Journal
• What it felt like to lose approximately $800,000 in personal and investor capital
• Why shutting down the company created a genuine grieving process
• How tying identity to achievement can make failure even more painful
• Why Ken believes failures often teach us more than successes
• How to examine a setback without allowing it to define your self-worth
• Why taking action on meaningful ideas today matters more than waiting for the perfect time
• How Laundry Luv combines entrepreneurship, literacy, community service, and purpose
• Why a failed business does not necessarily mean the mission behind it failed
• How Ken now thinks about family, service, entrepreneurship, and the legacy he wants to leave

Before moving on, ask yourself:

If the thing I am building disappeared tomorrow, what would still survive in me—and in the people I’ve impacted?

That answer may tell you more about your legacy than the achievement itself ever could.

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Learn more about Ken Wimberly, his entrepreneurship, real estate, family, and business work:

👉 https://kenwimberly.com/

Learn more about Laundry Luv and its community-focused laundromat model:

👉 https://www.laundryluv.com/

Explore Laundry Luv franchise opportunities:

👉 https://www.laundryluvfranchise.com/

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And sometimes your greatest legacy is not the thing that succeeded.

It is what survived the failure—and what you chose to build because of it.

#Legacy #TheTenthSilentWar #KenWimberly #BusinessFailure #Entrepreneurship #VeteranEntrepreneur #Resilience #Leadership #FamilyLegacy #MilitaryTransition #PersonalGrowth #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What does it really mean to leave a legacy?

Is legacy what people remember about you after you are gone—or is it what you build now that other people can carry forward?

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with internationally recognized jazz pianist, vocalist, composer, and Jazz for Peace founder Rick DellaRatta for a conversation about legacy, purpose, service, music, peace, and turning adversity into meaningful action.

Together, Mike and Rick explore Legacy — The 10th Silent War and an important question for veterans, leaders, high performers, and anyone entering a new chapter:

How do I take what I know, what I care about, and what I have lived through—and turn it into something that continues serving beyond me?

Rick’s story changed dramatically on September 11, 2001.

From a rooftop less than a quarter mile from the World Trade Center, Rick witnessed the events of 9/11 unfolding. Without a piano in front of him, words began moving through his mind. He started writing them down.

Those words became a poem called “Jazz for Peace.”

Rick then faced a choice.

Would the poem simply remain words on a page—or would he try to live what he had written?

He chose to act.

That decision eventually grew into Jazz for Peace, a global initiative using music to support peace, education, fundraising, grassroots organizations, and causes around the world. The organization has now supported hundreds of benefit events while creating opportunities for other people to participate in something larger than themselves.

That is where this conversation becomes bigger than music.

Rick’s message is that legacy requires participation.

It is easy to care about a cause.

It is easy to admire someone doing meaningful work.

It is easy to say that something should change.

But eventually, the question becomes:

What am I willing to do?

This conversation connects directly to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Legacy — The 10th Silent War: “What am I creating that someone else can carry forward?”
• Mission — The 2nd Silent War: “What am I willing to contribute my time, talent, or experience toward?”
• Connection — The 3rd Silent War: “How can what I do bring people together rather than push them further apart?”
• Direction — The 8th Silent War: “What is one meaningful action I can take next?”
• Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Am I living according to what matters to me—or only thinking about it?”

Rick also shares his belief that music is far more than entertainment.

Across languages, cultures, religions, and backgrounds, music can create connection where words sometimes cannot. He describes it as a vehicle for creativity, healing, education, human consciousness, and ultimately peace.

Mike and Rick discuss something equally important for anyone wondering whether they are capable of creating meaningful impact:

You do not need to start a global movement.

Contribution can begin much closer to home.

Help a legitimate cause in your community.

Support someone doing work you believe in.

Use a skill you already possess.

Do something kind for another person.

Take the first action.

Rick describes this as creating “wealth inside.”

We spend enormous energy pursuing financial wealth, status, accomplishments, and external success. But Rick challenges listeners to consider another form of wealth:

What are you doing that makes your soul richer?

That question sits at the heart of this episode.

Because legacy is not only about what you leave.

It is about what your actions make possible while you are still here.

Rick also shares practical ways people can participate through Jazz for Peace—including simple actions designed to help individuals and organizations support worthwhile causes without requiring enormous amounts of money, influence, or time.

And to close the conversation, Rick gives listeners something special: a live musical performance and his Jazz for Peace poem—the words that helped begin a mission he has now carried for 25 years.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How witnessing 9/11 led Rick DellaRatta to write Jazz for Peace
• Why he chose to turn a poem into a 25-year mission
• What legacy means when other people can participate and carry the work forward
• Why music can connect people across cultural, religious, and language barriers
• The difference between caring about a cause and actually participating
• Why meaningful contribution does not require creating a global organization
• How adversity can become the beginning of something constructive
• Why service and contribution can create a different kind of personal wealth
• How ordinary people can begin supporting causes they genuinely believe in
• Why the first small action may matter more than having the entire plan

Before moving on, ask yourself:

What do I already have—an experience, skill, talent, relationship, or cause—that I could use in service of something bigger than myself?

You do not need to know where it will lead.

You only need enough willingness to begin.

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Learn more about Rick DellaRatta and Jazz for Peace, its 25-year mission, benefit programs, music, and ways to participate:

👉 https://jazzforpeace.org/

Explore Jazz for Peace’s Easy Ways to participate:

👉 https://jazzforpeace.org/easyways.pdf

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And real legacy may not be what you leave behind.

It may be what you inspire someone else to pick up and carry forward.

#Legacy #TheTenthSilentWar #RickDellaRatta #JazzForPeace #Purpose #Service #MusicForPeace #September11 #PersonalGrowth #Veterans #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What happens when survival mode keeps running even after the immediate danger has passed?

When fear, trauma, war, or major adversity takes over, emotional armor can make sense.

We compartmentalize.
We stay useful.
We keep moving.

But eventually the crisis changes—and the armor does not always get the message.

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Eugene Yeskov, a transformational coach from Ukraine whose perspective on resilience, purpose, fear, and personal growth has been shaped by experiencing the impact of war firsthand.

Eugene now lives in Greece and helps people who feel lost, stuck, or disconnected from themselves reconnect with their values, inner strength, purpose, and direction.

Together, Mike and Eugene explore Emotional Armor — The 7th Silent War and an important question:

How do you move forward without allowing what you survived to decide who you have to become next?

Eugene describes what happened when war began in Ukraine.

For days, his world narrowed to survival.

Sleep changed. His attention became intensely focused on danger, safety, and getting through what was directly in front of him. The bigger questions about purpose, fulfillment, and the future temporarily disappeared.

He also shares the story of a friend in Mariupol who, under extraordinary circumstances, became almost unrecognizable compared with his normal personality—taking charge and helping more than 100 people escape danger.

It illustrates one of the central ideas in this conversation:

Survival can activate parts of us we never knew were there.

But what protects us during crisis may not be what we need once the crisis has changed.

This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Emotional Armor — The 7th Silent War: “What did I build to survive that I may still be carrying?”
• Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I beyond what happened to me?”
• Mission — The 2nd Silent War: “What gives my life meaning when survival is no longer the only goal?”
• Fear — The 9th Silent War: “Am I building my life around what I’m afraid of—or what I actually want?”
• Direction — The 8th Silent War: “What is pulling me forward now?”

Eugene’s own search for purpose began before the war.

He built a successful career in technology and economic cybernetics. By conventional standards, he had accomplished many of the things that were supposed to create fulfillment.

He had the career.
He had the apartment.
He had the car.

And he still felt empty.

That realization led him to begin asking different questions:

Why am I here?
What actually fulfills me?
What would make my life meaningful?

Eventually, Eugene discovered coaching and what he describes as his mission: helping other people uncover their own sense of purpose.

Mike and Eugene discuss why purpose can become especially important after adversity. When life has been organized around surviving the next day, moving forward may first require reconnecting with gratitude, relationships, values, and the things that make life worth living.

Eugene explains that when he works with someone who is deeply stuck, he does not immediately begin by asking them to discover their life mission.

He starts smaller.

What went well?

What are you proud of?

Who do you love?

Who loves you?

From there, people can begin reconnecting with what matters before trying to answer the larger question of what comes next.

They also explore Eugene’s approach to uncovering the deeper “why” behind a goal.

The first answer is rarely the whole answer.

Why do you want success?

Why do you want money?

Why do you want recognition?

Why does that matter?

By continuing to ask why, Eugene believes people can move beyond the surface-level answer and discover the values and emotional needs underneath it.

The conversation then returns to emotional armor.

Eugene suggests beginning with a deceptively simple question:

“Does this behavior actually feel like me?”

If anger, withdrawal, defensiveness, control, revenge, or disconnection does not feel aligned with who you want to be, the next questions become:

When did I start doing this?
What was I protecting?
And do I still need that protection in the same way today?

Mike and Eugene also discuss how to find meaning after painful experiences without pretending the pain was necessary or minimizing what happened.

The goal is not to romanticize trauma.

It is to recognize that the past has already happened—and ask whether there is wisdom, strength, awareness, or direction you can carry forward from it.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What survival mode can do to your priorities and sense of purpose
• Why emotional armor can protect you during crisis but create disconnection later
• How Eugene experienced the beginning of the war in Ukraine
• What extreme adversity can reveal about human resilience and resourcefulness
• Why purpose often disappears when survival becomes the immediate priority
• How gratitude, love, and values can help someone begin reconnecting with themselves
• Why asking “why” multiple times can uncover what you actually want
• How to recognize behaviors that may have developed as emotional protection
• Why focusing entirely on what you fear can keep your attention anchored to fear
• How to begin separating what happened to you from who you choose to become next

If this conversation resonated with you, don’t immediately move on.

Ask yourself:

What protected me during survival—but may be keeping me from fully living now?

You do not have to tear the armor off all at once.

Start by noticing it.

Then ask what you actually want your life to move toward.

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Connect with Eugene Yeskov on Instagram and follow his work around purpose, values, and transformational coaching:

👉 Search Eugene Yeskov on Instagram

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And the armor that helped you survive does not have to decide who you become next.

#EmotionalArmor #TheSeventhSilentWar #EugeneYeskov #Trauma #SurvivalMode #Resilience #Purpose #Ukraine #Veterans #MilitaryTransition #PersonalGrowth #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What happens when you survive the trauma—but lose your sense of where life is going?

Trauma does not only change how you remember the past.

It can change how safe the present feels, how much you trust yourself, and whether the future still feels possible.

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Faust Ruggiero, a therapist whose career spans more than four decades, including approximately 35 years working with veterans and first responders.

Faust is the creator of the Process Way of Life, the author behind the Fix Yourself Empowerment Series, and the author of The Fix Your PTSD Handbook, a practical guide designed to help people better understand trauma, PTSD, and the steps involved in moving toward recovery.

Together, Mike and Faust explore Direction — The 8th Silent War and why finding direction after trauma often requires more than simply setting another goal.

Sometimes you first have to understand what is happening inside you.

Faust shares how his work with veterans began early in his career when a Vietnam veteran and former prisoner of war came to him carrying severe trauma and suicidal thoughts.

That experience taught him something that would shape the next several decades of his work:

Before you can help someone move forward, you have to earn enough trust for them to believe they are no longer carrying everything alone.

Faust explains why trauma can become “stuck,” how painful experiences can replay internally, and why PTSD may begin affecting far more than memories—relationships, employment, anger, isolation, substance use, self-perception, and the ability to imagine a meaningful future.

The conversation also addresses one of the most difficult parts of military transition:

The person who returns home is not simply the person who left.

Military training intentionally builds a soldier capable of functioning under circumstances most civilians will never experience. But when service ends, the behaviors, vigilance, identity, and survival responses developed in that environment do not disappear with the discharge paperwork.

Faust argues that reintegration needs to be treated as a genuine process—not an expectation that someone should simply “go back to normal.”

This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Direction — The 8th Silent War: “How do I create a future when trauma keeps pulling me backward?”
• Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I when being a soldier is no longer my daily role?”
• Trust — The 5th Silent War: “Can I believe someone will actually stay with me through this?”
• Emotional Armor — The 7th Silent War: “What did I learn to suppress in order to survive?”
• Connection — The 3rd Silent War: “How do I reconnect when I feel like nobody truly understands me?”

Faust also explains the approach behind The Fix Your PTSD Handbook.

Rather than offering one template for everyone, he emphasizes individualized, step-by-step progress.

Build trust first.

Understand the trauma.

Look at how it is affecting the rest of life.

Then create practical actions small enough to actually take.

Mike and Faust also discuss the power of internal language.

Trauma can create painful beliefs such as:

“I’m a bad person.”

“I don’t deserve forgiveness.”

“If people knew what I had done or seen, they would look at me differently.”

Faust explains that healing is not simply replacing a negative statement with forced positivity. His approach is to begin separating emotional conclusions from facts—understanding how someone arrived at those beliefs and changing the internal dialogue from there.

That becomes especially important when discussing the movement from victimization toward empowerment.

The message is not that someone caused or chose their trauma.

It is that what happened does not have to be given permanent authority over what happens next.

You cannot rewrite what occurred.

But with the right support, understanding, and action, you can begin reclaiming authorship of tomorrow.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why trauma can affect your ability to imagine a future
• How trust becomes foundational when helping veterans process trauma
• Why PTSD can show up through relationships, anger, isolation, substance use, and hypervigilance
• The difference between surviving an experience and actually processing it
• Why military identity does not simply disappear after discharge
• Why Faust believes reintegration should include individualized psychological support
• How the Process Way of Life approaches change through incremental action
• Why there is no single treatment roadmap that fits every veteran or trauma survivor
• How internal language can reinforce shame and self-punishment
• Why replacing emotional conclusions with facts can help change the conversation inside
• How someone can begin moving from surviving the past toward creating direction for the future

If something in this conversation felt familiar, don’t immediately move on.

Ask yourself:

Is something from my past still deciding what I believe is possible for my future?

You do not have to solve everything today.

Take one action.
Have one conversation.
Ask one question.
Take one step forward.

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Learn more about Faust Ruggiero, the Process Way of Life, the Fix Yourself Empowerment Series, and The Fix Your PTSD Handbook:

👉 https://www.faustruggiero.com/ Faust Ruggiero

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And trauma may have rewritten part of your story—but it does not have to write the rest of it.

#Direction #TheEighthSilentWar #FaustRuggiero #PTSD #TraumaRecovery #MilitaryTransition #Veterans #FirstResponders #MentalHealth #Identity #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What if fear isn’t actually the thing keeping you stuck?

Sometimes fear looks responsible.

We research a little more.
We wait for better timing.
We tell ourselves we need more clarity.
We keep preparing.

But eventually, preparation can stop helping us move forward and start protecting us from having to act.

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Clifford Sosamon, a Marine Corps veteran, entrepreneur, writer, leadership speaker, creator of the Action Under Friction Method, and host of the Tailgate Chat podcast.

Cliff served six years on active duty in the Marine Corps, including deployment to Haiti and Marine Security Guard assignments in Bangkok and Rio de Janeiro. After leaving the military, his path moved through business, nonprofit leadership, operations, veteran advocacy, entrepreneurship, and his own difficult transitions.

Together, Mike and Cliff explore Fear — The 9th Silent War and a question many veterans and high performers need to ask themselves:

Am I really waiting because I’m not ready—or am I waiting because taking action would force me to face uncertainty?

Cliff talks openly about what happened when he took off the uniform.

For a Marine, service is more than a job. The identity, community, mission, structure, and camaraderie become deeply ingrained. Cliff describes leaving active duty as almost hanging his identity in the closet along with the uniform.

He eventually found purpose again through veteran service organizations and helping other veterans. But when that role later ended, he found himself back in what he describes as a dark valley.

That experience taught him an important lesson:

When your identity becomes completely attached to a role, transition becomes much harder when the role disappears.

But this conversation goes even deeper into the ways fear prevents us from building what comes next.

Cliff calls one of those patterns productive hesitation.

You may look extremely busy. You may be researching, planning, learning, organizing, tweaking, or preparing.

But nothing is actually moving.

Cliff shares how this showed up when launching businesses, beginning his podcast, and writing his book. At one point, only about ten pages into writing, he spent an entire day researching literary agents.

It felt productive.

But it wasn’t moving the book forward.

He experienced the same pattern while launching a staffing company with his wife. Instead of filing the LLC, finding an office, or getting clients, he spent days developing the perfect acronym for the company name.

The work itself wasn’t useless.

The timing was.

That is where productive preparation can quietly become avoidance.

This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Fear — The 9th Silent War: “What am I avoiding because I’m afraid of failure, rejection, success, or uncertainty?”
• Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I when the role I built myself around changes?”
• Mission — The 2nd Silent War: “What am I moving toward now?”
• Control — The 4th Silent War: “Am I trying to eliminate every unknown before I allow myself to act?”
• Direction — The 8th Silent War: “Do I need the entire roadmap—or just enough direction to take the next step?”

Cliff breaks down his Action Under Friction Method into a practical process.

First, acknowledge what is happening.

Say it.

“I’m hesitating.”

“I’m afraid this will fail.”

“I’m afraid people will reject me.”

“I’m afraid this might actually succeed and I won’t know how to handle what comes next.”

Then understand where the friction is coming from.

Finally, move forward.

Not by solving the entire problem.

By taking one step.

That first imperfect action creates information, confidence, and clarity that another week of thinking may never provide.

Mike and Cliff also discuss why capable people can know exactly what they need to do and still freeze under pressure. The brain can create entire future scenarios around rejection, conflict, embarrassment, and failure—many of which never actually happen.

Sometimes the most useful question is simply:

Is what I’m telling myself actually true?

And Cliff gives listeners a practical challenge they can use immediately.

Write down the thing you have been avoiding.

Then answer:

What is the benefit of moving it forward?
What is the cost of not moving forward?
What action will I take?
When will I complete it?
How will I hold myself accountable?

You do not need to become fearless first.

You need to learn how to move while the friction is still there.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why fear can disguise itself as preparation and productivity
• What Cliff means by productive hesitation
• How military transition can disrupt identity, mission, and belonging
• Why fear of failure, rejection, and even success can stop capable people
• How Cliff’s Action Under Friction Method helps identify what is really creating resistance
• Why waiting for complete clarity can keep you stuck
• How taking action can actually create the clarity you were waiting for
• Why imperfect execution often teaches more than endless preparation
• How to recognize when you are researching instead of progressing
• A simple exercise you can use today to turn hesitation into action

Before moving on, ask yourself:

Am I waiting—or am I acting?

And if you already know what the next step is, you probably don’t need another week to think about it.

Take the step.

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Learn more about Clifford Sosamon, the Action Under Friction Method, and his Execution Under Pressure work:

👉 https://executionunderpressurespeaker.com/

Listen to the Tailgate Chat podcast:

👉 https://tailgatechatpodcast.com/

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And sometimes the thing standing between you and the next chapter isn’t fear itself.

It’s waiting for the fear to disappear before you move.

#Fear #TheNinthSilentWar #CliffordSosamon #ActionUnderFriction #ExecutionUnderPressure #MilitaryTransition #Veterans #Leadership #FearOfFailure #PersonalGrowth #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What happens when you spent decades being the person who had to be ready for what could go wrong—and suddenly, nobody needs you to carry that responsibility anymore?

The radio gets quieter.
The routine changes.
The emergencies belong to someone else.

But your brain may not immediately understand that the mission has changed.

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Judy Crockett, who spent 33 years with Utah State University Public Safety and served as the university’s emergency manager. Her career included emergency preparedness, campus alert systems, critical-incident planning, and helping people prepare for the moments nobody ever wants to happen.

Today, Judy is a Certified Brain Health Trainer and Neuroencoding Specialist, founder of the Thrive Tribe, and is building a new mission focused on helping first responders protect their brain health and prepare for life beyond the role.

Together, Mike and Judy explore Identity — The 1st Silent War and a transition many veterans, first responders, and public-safety professionals understand:

Who are you when people no longer need you in the same way they once did?

For years, Judy would walk into work thinking about the worst-case scenario.

Could today be the day of an active shooter?

Were the alert systems working?

Was everyone prepared?

Even the sound of opening her morning Diet Coke became connected to the beginning of that state of readiness.

Then she retired.

The responsibility stopped almost overnight—but the conditioning did not.

Judy describes retirement as a genuine grieving process. She loved public safety, the camaraderie, the mission, and knowing that what she did mattered. When it disappeared, she had to learn something that became central to her transition:

Being needed and being valued are not the same thing.

Leaving the role did not diminish her value.

But emotionally understanding that took time.

This conversation connects directly to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I when the role that defined so much of my life is gone?”
• Mission — The 2nd Silent War: “What gives me something meaningful to move toward now?”
• Connection — The 3rd Silent War: “Who are my people when the professional relationships and camaraderie change?”
• Control — The 4th Silent War: “Can I recognize a potential threat without feeling responsible for controlling it?”
• Direction — The 8th Silent War: “How do I intentionally prepare for the next chapter before the old one ends?”

One of Judy’s biggest messages is simple:

Do not wait until retirement to start thinking about what comes next.

Have something that pulls you forward.

It does not have to be another career. It could be volunteering, learning something new, physical activity, a hobby, time with family, or discovering a new way to use the strengths you spent decades building.

Judy also talks about the hidden cost of constant preparedness.

She shares a moment at the Pro Bowl when, instead of enjoying some of the best football players in the world, she found herself focused on a fight developing in the crowd.

Her public-safety brain was still working.

The skill was not necessarily the problem.

The challenge was learning when it was appropriate to use it—and when it was safe to come back to the present.

Mike and Judy discuss practical ways to interrupt those automatic patterns, including recognizing automatic negative thoughts, asking whether a thought is actually true, changing physical state, movement, breathing, smiling, getting outside, and intentionally redirecting attention.

Judy’s approach is not about erasing the awareness that made someone effective in public safety.

It is about learning that awareness does not always have to become alarm.

And when the professional touchpoints disappear, connection becomes even more important.

That is part of why Judy created the Thrive Tribe—a place centered around connection, growth, self-care, and having people who support one another through life’s transitions.

Because rebuilding identity is not always about finding another title.

Sometimes it is about finding your people again.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why retirement from public safety can feel like grieving a loss
• How being needed can quietly become tied to identity
• Why your value does not disappear when your professional role ends
• How decades of preparedness can follow you into retirement
• The difference between useful awareness and constantly anticipating danger
• Why preparing for transition should begin before your final day on the job
• How learning, movement, sleep, nutrition, and connection can support your next chapter
• How Judy challenges automatic negative thoughts
• Why maintaining relationships matters when professional touchpoints disappear
• How the strengths built in one mission can become part of an entirely new one

If something in this conversation resonated with you, take a minute before moving on.

Ask yourself:

If the alerts stopped tomorrow, what part of me would still know who I am?

And if you are approaching retirement or another major transition, ask one more:

What am I building now that will give me something meaningful to move toward then?

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Learn more about Judy Crockett, her brain-health work, the Thrive Tribe, and the programs she is building for first responders:

👉 https://brainthrivezone.com/

👉 judy@thebraincommander.com

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And when the alerts stop, your value, experience, and ability to make a difference do not stop with them.

#Identity #TheFirstSilentWar #JudyCrockett #FirstResponders #PublicSafety #Retirement #MilitaryTransition #BrainHealth #ThriveTribe #EmergencyManagement #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What happens when the uniform comes off—but the part of you that wants to serve is still there?

Military life gives you a mission, a team, structure, and a reason people are counting on you.

Then transition comes, and nobody hands you the next set of orders.

For a married couple who have both served, the question becomes even more interesting:

How do you build the next mission together without trying to recreate the life you just left?

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Air Force veterans Justin and Misty Williams, husband and wife and founders of Bombshell Suds Company.

Justin served more than 20 years in Air Force Security Forces, including about a decade as a military working dog handler. Misty is an Air Force veteran and registered nurse whose healthcare background helps shape the couple’s approach to skin care, ingredients, health, and function.

Together, Mike, Justin, and Misty explore Mission — The 2nd Silent War and what happens when purpose is no longer assigned to you.

For Justin, retiring from the military itself was not the hardest part.

The bigger question was:

“What now?”

Misty found another way to serve through nursing, fitness, and helping others. Justin found himself searching for what would pull him toward the next chapter.

That distinction becomes one of the strongest themes in this conversation.

There is a difference between doing something because you have to and finding something you genuinely get to do.

Justin describes Bombshell Suds as something that can keep him up late and get him up early without feeling like another obligation. What began after seeing handmade soap at a Texas market and thinking, “I bet I can make this,” gradually became something much bigger.

They experimented.

They changed formulas.

They worked on longevity, dry skin, scents, and the experience of actually using the product.

Then customers began coming back.

Families started referring other families.

And what started as an idea began feeling like a mission.

This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Mission — The 2nd Silent War: “What are we choosing to build now that nobody else is assigning the mission?”
• Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who are we after military service becomes part of our past rather than our daily role?”
• Connection — The 3rd Silent War: “How do we stay connected as spouses while also becoming business partners?”
• Control — The 4th Silent War: “What can we actually control when entrepreneurship is unpredictable?”
• Direction — The 8th Silent War: “How do we know when we’ve found something worth moving toward?”

Justin and Misty also get honest about something many couples who work together understand:

Marriage does not have rank.

The work ethic, persistence, and “no quit” mentality they developed through military life have helped them tremendously as entrepreneurs.

But some military habits do not belong at home.

Misty jokes that Justin cannot “pull rank” on her, and they discuss the importance of remembering that your spouse is not one of your troops or employees.

For them, working together requires communication, flexibility, asking for help, and recognizing that both partners will not always be operating at 100%.

Sometimes one person carries more.

Sometimes the other does.

The mission still belongs to both of them.

Misty also brings another perspective into the conversation through nursing: you cannot serve everyone else indefinitely while completely neglecting yourself.

She sees what can happen when people spend years pouring into everyone around them while ignoring their own physical, mental, and emotional health.

Self-care is not separate from mission.

It is part of maintaining the person responsible for carrying it.

Justin and Misty ultimately describe their next chapter in a simple way:

Their commitment to service did not disappear.

The mission changed.

Instead of serving inside a military organization, they are building something of their own—one product, one customer, one family, and one bar of soap at a time.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why transition can be less about leaving the military and more about finding what comes next
• How Justin and Misty experienced military transition differently
• What it feels like when a new purpose begins pulling you toward it
• How Bombshell Suds grew from an experiment into a family mission
• Which military habits helped them become stronger business partners
• Which military leadership habits absolutely do not belong in a marriage
• Why communication matters when spouses live and work together
• How Misty’s nursing experience shapes their approach to health and self-care
• Why entrepreneurship requires focusing on what you can actually control
• How service can remain part of your identity even when the mission itself changes

If this conversation resonated with you, ask yourself:

What are we building now?

Maybe your next mission is not a business.

Maybe it is your family, your health, your marriage, your community, or an idea you cannot seem to stop thinking about.

Pay attention to what keeps pulling you back.

There may be a reason.

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Support Justin and Misty’s dual-veteran, family-run business and learn more about Bombshell Suds Company:

👉 https://bombshellsudsco.com/

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And sometimes your next mission is not something you are given.

It is something you choose to build together.

#Mission #TheSecondSilentWar #JustinWilliams #MistyWilliams #BombshellSuds #VeteranOwnedBusiness #MilitaryTransition #VeteranEntrepreneurs #MilitaryFamily #Entrepreneurship #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What happens when the version of you that keeps everyone safe starts costing you the people you love?

For men in policing, military service, first response, and other high-pressure careers, control, vigilance, emotional restraint, and the ability to stay composed under pressure can become part of who you are.

Those traits may make you exceptional at the job.

But what happens when they never switch off?

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Chris Chandler-Yates, a former New Zealand police officer who spent seven and a half years in law enforcement, including nearly four years in protection services.

Burnout and PTSD eventually forced Chris to confront what the job had changed—not only in his health, but in his identity, his behavior, and his marriage.

Today, Chris is a men’s coach, speaker, and host of Motivated Masculine Men, where he focuses on burnout, relationships, purpose, and healthier definitions of masculinity.

Together, Mike and Chris explore Identity — The 1st Silent War and a question that goes far beyond leaving a uniform or badge behind:

Which parts of the person you became still serve you—and which parts are hurting the life you were trying to protect?

Chris speaks openly about how quickly policing began changing him. He remembers becoming more reactive, increasingly hyperaware, emotionally shut down, and constantly prepared for something to go wrong.

Eventually, things deteriorated to the point that he nearly cheated on his wife and told her he wanted a divorce.

Instead of walking away, his wife challenged him to get help.

A counselor recognized burnout and probable PTSD and encouraged him to step away. What followed became part of Chris’s rebuilding process: a three-month, roughly 8,000-mile motorcycle journey designed to help him reconnect with himself.

That trip became more than an escape.

It became an opportunity to ask:

Who am I underneath the cop?

Chris describes how policing taught him to switch into a particular persona—the person who needed to remain alert, controlled, and capable when everyone else was moving away from danger.

Mike and Chris discuss the importance of learning how to intentionally “switch off” that identity when the shift ends. Chris shares examples of officers using physical anchors—zipping up a vest, tying boots, or entering the station—to signal when the professional role begins and ends.

Because the goal is not to eliminate the warrior.

It is learning when you need him.

This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I beyond the badge, uniform, or role?”
• Control — The 4th Silent War: “Can I stop trying to control everything around me just to feel safe?”
• Connection — The 3rd Silent War: “Can I communicate honestly enough to stay connected to the people I love?”
• Emotional Armor — The 7th Silent War: “What protected me on the job but keeps me closed off at home?”
• Trust — The 5th Silent War: “Can I safely open up, ask for help, and let someone see what I’m carrying?”

One of the strongest themes in this episode is communication.

Chris describes trauma like putting rotten fruit into a box and hiding it away. You may surround it with good memories and keep functioning, but if you never deal with what is inside, eventually it begins affecting everything around it.

For Chris, asking for help was not about becoming weaker.

It was about becoming a better husband, a better man, and a healthier version of himself.

He and Mike also talk candidly about marriage and why real connection often requires taking off the emotional “vest” and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

Chris credits brutal honesty and communication as major reasons his marriage survived some of its darkest moments.

His message to men is simple:

You can still be strong.

You can still protect.

You can still run toward danger when everyone else is running away.

Just don’t lose yourself in the process.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How high-pressure careers can quietly become part of your identity
• Why traits that make you effective professionally can damage relationships at home
• How burnout and PTSD began showing up in Chris’s behavior and marriage
• What his 8,000-mile motorcycle journey helped him rediscover
• How intentional anchors can help separate work identity from home identity
• Why risk-taking can become a way of trying to feel something again
• How unprocessed trauma can begin affecting every other part of life
• Why asking for help is an act of courage rather than weakness
• How honest communication can rebuild connection in a relationship
• Why healthy masculinity includes knowing when to put the armor down

If something in this conversation sounded familiar, don’t just move on.

Ask yourself:

What part of the person I became to survive am I still carrying into places where I no longer need it?

Then do what Chris says changed everything for him:

Communicate.

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Learn more about Chris Chandler-Yates and the Motivated Masculine Men podcast:

👉 https://motivatedmasculinemen.com/

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Chris’s motto is “Train hard, test easy.”

Because life will continue to test us—and sometimes real strength means training ourselves not only to put the armor on, but to know when it is finally safe to take it off.

#Identity #TheFirstSilentWar #ChrisChandlerYates #MotivatedMasculineMen #PTSD #Burnout #HealthyMasculinity #FirstResponders #Veterans #Relationships #EmotionalArmor #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

When did you first start questioning whether you were good enough?

For many people, that story begins early—through grades, sports, appearance, approval, responsibility, or trying to become the version of ourselves we believe others will accept.

Over time, those messages can become part of our identity until we stop asking who we are and start measuring ourselves by how well we perform.

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Laura Ollinger, a teen and parent well-being coach, motivational youth speaker, mom of four teens, National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, Neuroencoding Specialist, and host of the Positively Healthy Mom podcast.

Together, Mike and Laura explore Identity — The 1st Silent War and one of the most important questions we can ask:

Who gets to decide who you are?

Laura shares the idea behind her signature message, The Decider, and how her own personal work led to a powerful realization:

“I’m the decider of my worth.”

That idea becomes the center of this conversation.

Mike and Laura discuss how self-doubt can form, how achievement can become tied to identity, and how parents can unintentionally reinforce the belief that worth is something that must be earned.

They also explore the difference between praising outcomes and recognizing effort, courage, growth, and willingness to try.

Because when someone only feels seen after the grade, the goal, the win, or the accomplishment, they can begin to believe:

“I matter when I perform.”

This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Whose voice gets to define who I am?”
• Self-Worth — The 6th Silent War: “Is my value based on what I accomplish?”
• Connection — The 3rd Silent War: “Do I still belong when I disappoint someone?”
• Control — The 4th Silent War: “Can I allow someone I love to make their own choices?”
• Direction — The 8th Silent War: “Am I learning to make decisions for myself?”

Mike and Laura also discuss the fine line between protection and control.

Technology, monitoring, rescuing, and trying to prevent every mistake can come from love—but they can also unintentionally communicate:

“I don’t trust you to figure this out.”

Laura explains the importance of autonomy support: giving teens and young adults age-appropriate opportunities to make decisions, experience consequences, and build confidence through real-life problem solving.

Because confidence does not come from never failing.

It comes from discovering:

“I made a mistake—and I can handle what comes next.”

The conversation also goes deeper into generational patterns.

What did you have to do growing up to receive attention, praise, acceptance, or love?

What did your family teach you about success, failure, image, responsibility, and worth?

And which of those messages might you be carrying forward without realizing it?

Laura’s message is not about blaming yourself or your parents.

It is about awareness.

Once you recognize the patterns that shaped you, you can decide which ones you want to keep—and which ones stop with you.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• When self-doubt and identity struggles can begin developing
• What Laura means by becoming “The Decider”
• Why self-worth and achievement can become dangerously connected
• How praising effort and courage can build healthier confidence
• Why over-rescuing can undermine resilience and independence
• How autonomy support helps teens learn to trust themselves
• How family patterns shape identity across generations
• Why perfectionism, anxiety, procrastination, and shutdown can be connected
• How open-ended curiosity can create more connection than criticism
• Why meaningful change can start with one small action

If this conversation made you recognize something in yourself, your children, or the way you were raised, don’t use that awareness as another reason to judge yourself.

Use it as information.

Ask yourself:

Whose voice has been deciding who I am—and is it time for me to become the decider?

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Learn more about Laura Ollinger, The Decider, her teen and parent coaching, school speaking, and the Positively Healthy Mom podcast:

👉 https://positivelyhealthycoaching.com/

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And sometimes the first step toward becoming who you are is deciding that your worth is no longer up for debate.

#Identity #TheFirstSilentWar #LauraOllinger #TheDecider #SelfWorth #ParentingTeens #TeenMentalHealth #Confidence #EmotionalRegulation #Neuroencoding #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What happens when the uniform comes off—but part of you still needs that chapter of your life to be seen?

And what happens when people do not even recognize that you were the one who served?

For many veterans, transition is not simply about leaving the military. It is about deciding what parts of service you carry forward, what parts you release, and how you build a new identity without pretending that the person you were no longer matters.

For women veterans, there can be another layer entirely:

What happens when your service becomes invisible?

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Brittinie Wick, an eight-year U.S. Air Force veteran and former intelligence analyst who supported the RPA community and operations across the Middle East and Africa.

Today, Brittinie is a Doctor of Physical Therapy, fitness professional, military spouse, mother of four, advocate for women veterans, and founder and host of the Women Serve Too podcast—a platform created to help military women and veterans tell their stories, feel seen, and connect with others who understand what they have experienced.

Together, Mike and Brittinie explore Identity — The 1st Silent War.

Brittinie knew at a young age that military service was part of her calling. The events of September 11 deeply affected her as a child, and not long afterward, even a Disney movie—Cadet Kelly—helped reinforce the picture she had begun forming of women in military service.

At 18, she joined the Air Force.

The reality she encountered was far more complicated than the image she had imagined.

As an intelligence analyst, Brittinie learned to work in an environment where information mattered, mistakes had consequences, and some of the most important things happening in her life could not be discussed with the people closest to her.

She also experienced moments when her expertise was overlooked, questioned, or simply not heard—experiences that added another layer to what it meant to establish herself as a young woman serving in the military.

Then service became painfully personal.

Brittinie shares the impact of losing her friend Zach in the Frankfurt Airport shooting, the fear she experienced while her then-fiancé was deployed to Afghanistan, and what it was like receiving intelligence about attacks near his location while being unable to reach him.

She describes the panic, hypervigilance, compartmentalization, and pressure of knowing things she could not talk about while working in a culture where seeking mental-health support often carried stigma.

Years later, the Las Vegas shooting brought much of that trauma back to the surface.

And underneath those experiences was a much larger question:

Who was she becoming because of everything she had lived through?

This conversation connects directly to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I when the uniform, role, and security clearance no longer define me?”
• Mission — The 2nd Silent War: “What do I do when the path I thought I was supposed to follow changes?”
• Connection — The 3rd Silent War: “Where can I find people who actually understand what I experienced?”
• Emotional Armor — The 7th Silent War: “What did I learn to keep inside because I believed I could not talk about it?”
• Direction — The 8th Silent War: “How do I build a meaningful next chapter when the original plan no longer fits?”

Brittinie’s transition after service was anything but linear.

She originally believed law school and eventually politics were part of her future. After being rejected from law school twice, she had to reconsider a plan she had carried for years.

That pivot eventually led to an MBA, work in fitness, and then another realization: she was already spending much of her time helping clients work through physical limitations and injuries.

So she changed direction again.

Today, she is a licensed physical therapist.

Her story is a powerful reminder that changing direction does not mean you failed the original mission.

Sometimes it means you finally discovered the next one.

But one part of Brittinie’s identity continued to bother her.

She and her husband had both served, yet people routinely thanked him for his service while assuming she was the military dependent—even when she handed them her own active-duty military ID.

She remembers thinking:

Women serve too. Why is that so hard for people to understand?

Eventually, that frustration became a mission.

Through the Women Serve Too podcast, Brittinie gives military women and veterans space to tell their own stories—from leadership and motherhood to PTSD, military sexual trauma, transition, entrepreneurship, and the struggle to rediscover purpose after the uniform comes off.

And in helping other women tell their stories, Brittinie discovered something important about her own:

Connection can be healing.

Hearing another person describe something you thought you were carrying alone can create one of the most powerful realizations possible:

“That happened to me too.”

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why leaving the military can create a deeper identity struggle than simply changing careers
• How women veterans can become invisible even when they were the ones who served
• How September 11 influenced Brittinie’s decision to join the Air Force
• What intelligence work taught her about responsibility, secrecy, and compartmentalization
• How losing a friend to terrorism changed the way she experienced her own mission
• What it was like receiving intelligence about danger near her deployed fiancé while being unable to contact him
• How trauma and hypervigilance can continue long after the original event
• Why transitioning from military service required Brittinie to repeatedly redefine her direction
• How two law-school rejections eventually led her toward physical therapy
• Why Brittinie created Women Serve Too
• How hearing other veterans’ stories can reduce isolation and help people feel seen
• Why your military chapter can remain part of you without becoming the only thing that defines you

If something in this conversation made you think, “That’s me,” “I’ve felt that,” or “Finally—someone sees it,” don’t immediately move on.

Sit with it for a moment.

Then take one action.

Reach out to someone. Share your story. Listen to another veteran’s story. Send this episode to somebody who needs to hear it.

Information alone does not create change.

Action does.

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

To hear more stories from women who have served, search Women Serve Too on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can also find Women Serve Too on Instagram and connect with Brittinie Wick on LinkedIn.

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And being seen does not require leaving your service behind—it means allowing that chapter to become part of the whole person you are becoming.

#Identity #TheFirstSilentWar #WomenServeToo #WomenVeterans #MilitaryTransition #Veterans #MilitarySpouse #PTSD #Connection #Purpose #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What happens when the rank comes off?

When the title disappears, the structure changes, and the position that helped define you for decades suddenly belongs to someone else?

For many veterans and leaders, transition is not simply about finding another job. It can force a much deeper question:

Who am I when the authority, recognition, and identity attached to my role are gone?

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Neco Johnson, a retired U.S. Air Force Chief Master Sergeant with 28 years of service. During his career, Neco served as a First Sergeant, Command First Sergeant, and Commandant of the Air Force First Sergeant Academy. Today, he is the founder and CEO of First Class Leadership, a keynote speaker, executive coach, leadership consultant, and author of The Power of Pivots.

Together, Mike and Neco explore Identity — The 1st Silent War and what it takes to separate who you are from the rank, title, uniform, or position that once helped define you.

Neco’s story begins long before he became a Chief Master Sergeant. At 17, he became a father—something he admits terrified him enough that he initially ran from the responsibility. A direct intervention from his mother forced him to face what he was avoiding, and that moment became one of the first major pivots of his life.

The desire to become the father he wanted to be eventually helped lead him into the Air Force and began a 28-year journey of growth, responsibility, and leadership.

But one of the most powerful lessons Neco learned was that leadership was never really about the rank.

He began his Air Force career as an HVAC technician. Troubleshooting mechanical systems taught him not to react only to the symptom in front of him, but to diagnose the entire system.

Later, he realized people require the same kind of curiosity.

Poor performance may not simply be poor performance. Behind it could be fear, self-doubt, conflict, problems at home, lack of trust, or someone who simply does not believe in themselves.

That realization helped shape Neco’s approach to authentic leadership: understand the person before trying to fix the problem.

This conversation connects directly to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I when the rank and title no longer define me?”
• Fear — The 9th Silent War: “Am I being called to pivot—or am I simply afraid of what comes next?”
• Self-Worth — The 6th Silent War: “Does my value change when the recognition and authority disappear?”
• Direction — The 8th Silent War: “How do I take everything I learned and find where it belongs next?”
• Legacy — The 10th Silent War: “Did I build something strong enough to continue without me?”

Neco offers a powerful perspective for anyone struggling with transition: if the organization continues to thrive after you leave, that does not diminish what you contributed.

It may actually be evidence that you led well.

The uniform may come off, but the discipline, character, communication skills, experience, and ability to influence others do not disappear with it.

Civilian leadership is simply different.

People may no longer follow because rank requires them to.

The bigger opportunity is becoming the kind of person they choose to follow.

Neco also shares ideas from The Power of Pivots, including why growth often requires moving before you have complete certainty.

He challenges the familiar idea of constantly stepping “outside” your comfort zone. Instead, he suggests enlarging your comfort zone. Every time you confront something uncomfortable, develop competence, and move through it successfully, what once frightened you becomes part of what you now know you can handle.

He breaks that growth process into four C’s:

• Commitment — Decide that you are going to do the difficult thing.
• Competence — Develop the ability through repetition and experience.
• Confidence — Allow competence to create evidence that you can handle it.
• Curiosity — Begin asking, “What else am I capable of?”

And when emotions threaten to stop forward movement, Neco offers another simple framework: ACT.

Acknowledge. Choose. Take Action.

Acknowledge the fear, anxiety, frustration, or emotion that is present.

Choose to move forward according to the standard you set before the emotion took over.

Then take action.

Because knowledge alone does not change your life.

Applied knowledge does.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why rank and title can quietly become part of your identity
• How to separate authentic leadership from positional authority
• Why everything you developed in the military still matters after transition
• How Neco went from becoming a father at 17 to serving 28 years in the Air Force
• What HVAC troubleshooting taught him about understanding and developing people
• Why character should matter more than rank
• How to know when fear and a genuine life pivot may be colliding
• Why Neco believes we should enlarge our comfort zones rather than simply step outside them
• How commitment, competence, confidence, and curiosity build personal growth
• How the ACT framework can help you move forward when emotion tells you to stop
• Why your greatest leadership test may come when nobody is required to follow you

If something in this conversation resonated with you, don’t immediately move on.

Ask yourself:

If the rank, title, position, or role disappeared tomorrow—what would still be true about who I am?

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Learn more about Neco Johnson, First Class Leadership, his coaching and speaking, and The Power of Pivots:

👉 https://necojohnson.com/

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And when the rank comes off, the leader you became does not have to disappear with it.

#Identity #TheFirstSilentWar #NecoJohnson #MilitaryTransition #Veterans #Leadership #AuthenticLeadership #ThePowerOfPivots #ChiefMasterSergeant #PersonalGrowth #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

When was the last time you genuinely couldn’t wait for tomorrow?

For many veterans, leaders, parents, and high performers, there comes a point when life starts feeling more like routine than anticipation. The career changes. The kids grow up. The old mission ends. The days keep moving—but the question quietly becomes:

What am I actually looking forward to now?

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with his friend Marcus Weiss—actor, director, producer, Joy Empowerment Coach, performer, and Dual Elite Certified Neuroencoding Specialist whose career has included Blue Man Group and Cirque du Soleil.

Marcus also shares a much more personal part of his story. Growing up in Switzerland on welfare and later experiencing depression in college, he found safety, expression, and eventually purpose through performance. Theater became what he describes as a kind of cocoon—a place where he could explore emotion, rewrite the script, connect with others, and rediscover what it felt like to be alive.

Together, Mike and Marcus explore Mission — The 2nd Silent War through a question that goes deeper than simply asking, “What should I do next?”

What makes you want to experience the next moment?

Marcus explains that looking forward to tomorrow is not necessarily determined by what is happening outside of us. The future is uncertain. What shapes our experience of it is often the meaning we attach to what we imagine is coming.

“I have to go to work tomorrow” and “I’m going to work tomorrow” describe the same event—but they can create completely different internal experiences.

Marcus introduces what he calls a “lily pad” between I have to and I get to. If gratitude or excitement feels too far away, you do not have to force yourself there. Start smaller. Remove the judgment. Acknowledge what you are doing. Then begin intentionally recognizing and celebrating the moments when you show up.

The goal is not fake positivity.

It is building the ability to create more moments of aliveness, gratitude, meaning, and anticipation—one small, consistent step at a time.

This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Mission — The 2nd Silent War: “What am I living for now?”
• Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I beneath the roles and masks I’ve learned to wear?”
• Self-Worth — The 6th Silent War: “Can I recognize that I am worthy before I accomplish something for someone else?”
• Direction — The 8th Silent War: “What is pulling me toward tomorrow instead of keeping me anchored to yesterday?”
• Emotional Armor — The 7th Silent War: “What happens when I allow myself to be vulnerable and let people see who I really am?”

One of the most powerful parts of the conversation comes when Mike asks how veterans can accept that their next mission may be quieter and more personal than the mission they once knew.

Marcus compares it to putting a toe into still water.

The ripple may begin small, but it still travels.

A quieter mission is not necessarily a lesser mission.

And Marcus makes an important point: the mission has to begin with you. You cannot show up for the people around you if you never learn to show up for yourself.

He also challenges the idea that you need one massive life purpose before you can begin moving forward. Start with what already creates a spark. Notice a moment that feels good. Acknowledge that you helped create it. Celebrate it. Repeat it.

Over time, those small moments can help reveal something larger:

Your why.

Not something you are running away from—but something meaningful enough to pull you forward.

Because forward includes tomorrow.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why having an okay life is different from having something you genuinely look forward to
• How the meaning you attach to tomorrow shapes how you experience it today
• Marcus’s “lily pad” between “I have to” and “I get to”
• Why forced positivity is not the answer
• How small, consistent actions help build emotional momentum
• Why acknowledging and celebrating progress matters
• How to recognize when something in your life feels out of alignment
• Why your next mission does not have to be loud or enormous to matter
• How self-worth and mission are connected
• Why finding something that pulls you forward can make tomorrow matter again

If something in this conversation made you stop, think, or feel something—don’t immediately move on.

Ask yourself:

What am I looking forward to?

And if you don’t have an answer yet, start smaller:

What is one thing I could put back into my life that makes me feel more alive?

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and exploring more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

To connect with Marcus, search The Marcus Weiss Experience on Instagram, Marcus Weiss on LinkedIn, or Marcus Jacob Weiss on Facebook.

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And sometimes finding your next mission begins with finding one reason you want tomorrow to come.

#Mission #TheSecondSilentWar #MarcusWeiss #Purpose #Joy #MilitaryTransition #Veterans #Direction #SelfWorth #PersonalGrowth #Neuroencoding #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What are you chasing now?

For veterans and high performers, finishing one mission can create an uncomfortable question:

What’s next?

Another challenge can keep us moving. Another title can keep us busy. Another goal can give us something to pursue.

But movement is not always purpose.

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Tony Medrano, a former U.S. Navy Surface Warfare Officer who served aboard a guided missile destroyer, went on to Stanford Business School and Law School, built a career as a technology entrepreneur, completed three full Ironman triathlons, and today serves as CEO and co-founder of Longevity Plan AI.

Together, Mike and Tony explore Mission — The 2nd Silent War and what happens when the mission that once gave your life structure, meaning, and direction is gone.

Tony shares what it was like leaving a military environment where the objective was clear and entering Silicon Valley, where profit, competition, and individual ambition often replaced the teamwork and shared purpose he had known in the Navy.

That transition eventually raised a deeper question:

Was he pursuing meaningful work—or had he simply become good at chasing the next difficult thing?

Tony talks openly about periods in his entrepreneurial career when the work lacked purpose, companies that failed, losing everything in an early AI venture, a military knee injury that followed him for decades, and being hit by a car just weeks before his first Ironman.

Rather than allowing those setbacks to become the end of the story, he repeatedly used them to reconsider what was worth pursuing next.

Today, Tony says he is working harder than ever—but is also happier because his work is connected to something he genuinely cares about: helping other people improve their health, recovery, and performance.

This conversation connects directly to several of The 10 Silent Wars:

• Mission — The 2nd Silent War: “What am I working toward now—and is it actually meaningful to me?”
• Direction — The 8th Silent War: “What comes after the mission I already completed?”
• Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I when the role that once defined me changes?”
• Control — The 4th Silent War: “How do I respond when life does not go according to plan?”
• Legacy — The 10th Silent War: “Am I simply achieving more, or am I building something that helps other people?”

Tony and Mike also dive into endurance, recovery, health, artificial intelligence, peptides, GLP-1 medications, and the growing role technology may play in helping people better understand their individual health and performance goals.

Tony shares his personal experiences and perspectives while emphasizing something important: health decisions should not be driven by hype. Research, individual circumstances, and qualified medical guidance matter.

But underneath all of it is a much bigger conversation about mission.

Because you can be disciplined.
You can be successful.
You can accomplish difficult things.

And still wake up wondering whether any of it actually matters to you.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why losing the structure of military service can make civilian purpose difficult to define
• How Tony translated military leadership and teamwork into entrepreneurship
• The difference between staying busy and having a meaningful mission
• Why setbacks can become turning points instead of endpoints
• How Tony approached completing an Ironman after a serious injury
• Why purpose can fundamentally change the way work feels
• Tony’s perspective on peptides, GLP-1s, recovery, and longevity
• Why research and professional medical guidance matter when exploring health interventions
• How AI may help personalize health, recovery, and performance decisions
• The question every veteran and high performer should ask before chasing the next goal

If something in this conversation resonated with you, don’t immediately move on to the next thing.

Ask yourself:

What am I chasing now—and is it truly worth chasing?

Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

To follow Tony Medrano and his work with Longevity Plan AI, search Tony Medrano on LinkedIn or LongevityPlan.AI.

And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And sometimes the next mission isn’t about proving what you can do—it’s deciding what is truly worth doing next.

#Mission #TheSecondSilentWar #MilitaryTransition #Veterans #Purpose #TonyMedrano #Ironman #Entrepreneurship #Longevity #HumanPerformance #Leadership #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What do you want your life to stand for?

Not someday.
Not only after you are gone.
But through the way you choose to live right now.

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Nancy Jones, a coach, speaker, leadership mentor, and Dual Elite Certified Neuroencoding Specialist with decades of experience in education, leadership development, and personal transformation.

As the mother of two sons who have served as first responders—one as a wildland firefighter and the other as a police officer—Nancy understands that legacy is deeply personal. It is shaped through the example we set, the values we live, and the impact our daily choices have on the people watching us.

Together, Mike and Nancy explore The Tenth Silent War: Legacy.

Nancy shares a powerful idea from her leadership work: legacy is not simply something you leave behind—it is something you live. Every decision, interaction, belief, and action contributes to the story others experience through you.

This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars, including:

• Legacy — “What am I building through the way I live today?”
• Mission — “What am I called to contribute?”
• Self-Worth — “Do I believe my life and purpose matter?”
• Identity — “Am I living authentically and in alignment with my values?”
• Fear — “Is rejection keeping me from becoming who I am meant to be?”

Mike and Nancy discuss how leadership is demonstrated through integrity, authenticity, transparency, and whether your actions match the message you share. People are always learning from what leaders model—not only through what they say, but through how they show up when no one is applauding.

Nancy also explains how childhood environments, role models, experiences, and repeated emotional patterns can shape the subconscious beliefs that influence how we lead, love, communicate, and make decisions.

She describes several tools she uses in her work, including Neuroencoding, brain-health education, Body Code practices, hypnosis, and neuro-linguistic programming. Nancy explains how hypnosis can help people enter a relaxed, focused state where they can examine old patterns, release limiting beliefs, and begin creating a different internal story.

One of the most common beliefs she encounters is:

“I am not worthy.”

That belief—along with the fear of rejection—can quietly prevent people from living with purpose, receiving support, pursuing meaningful work, or believing they are capable of creating something that matters.

The first step toward change is awareness.

Notice the thought.
Examine it without judgment.
Ask whether it is true.
Then ask whether it is absolutely true—and what evidence actually supports it.

From there, you can decide whether that belief still aligns with the person you are becoming and the legacy you want to live.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why legacy is something you live rather than something you leave
• How daily choices shape the impact you have on other people
• Why integrity and authenticity matter in leadership
• How subconscious beliefs influence behavior, relationships, and decisions
• Why worthiness and fear of rejection are common emotional barriers
• How sensory experiences can activate powerful memories and emotions
• Why awareness must come before meaningful transformation
• How to question beliefs that no longer support your purpose
• One simple action you can take today to begin living your legacy intentionally

Take five quiet minutes today and ask yourself:

What am I being called to do—and does the way I am living reflect that calling?

Write down what you notice. You do not need to have the entire plan. You only need to become willing to listen and take the next intentional step.

Start by connecting more deeply with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversation and subscribe to the YouTube channel for more discussions about The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

And when you are ready to create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

To connect with Nancy Jones or inquire about her coaching and speaking:

👉 crossroadscoaching11@gmail.com

👉 https://johncmaxwellgroup.com/NancyJones

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And your legacy is being written through the way you choose to live today.

#Legacy #Purpose #Leadership #LimitingBeliefs #SelfWorth #Identity #Mindset #PersonalGrowth #FirstResponders #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

Who gets to decide what you are worth?

For many veterans, leaders, and high performers, value becomes connected to results, recognition, productivity, and being the person everyone depends on.

But when the role changes, the achievement loses its meaning, or success stops feeling fulfilling, a deeper question emerges:

Do I still know my value when I am not proving it?

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Dominika Staniewicz—also known as Coach D—a leadership coach, speaker, Neuroencoding specialist, and ICF-certified coach who helps leaders strengthen self-awareness, confidence, personal alignment, and authentic decision-making.

Together, Mike and Dominika explore The Sixth Silent War: Self-Worth.

They examine why so many capable people confuse being valuable with being useful, productive, needed, or externally successful. Dominika shares how even personal development, education, and professional certifications can become another way to seek approval when the motivation underneath them is proving that we are enough.

The real question is not simply what you are accomplishing.

It is why you are pursuing it.

Are you learning because it helps you serve more effectively—or because you hope another title will finally make you feel worthy?

This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars, including:

• Self-Worth — “Do I know my value without constantly proving it?”
• Identity — “Who am I beneath my accomplishments, roles, and credentials?”
• Fear — “Am I making decisions from alignment or fear of rejection?”
• Control — “Am I leading with clarity, or trying to control everything to feel secure?”
• Mission — “Does my definition of success support the life I actually want?”

Mike and Dominika also discuss why people often adopt definitions of success that do not truly belong to them. Publicly, success may be described through money, houses, cars, status, and recognition. Privately, many people define it through family, meaningful work, freedom, peace, health, and time with the people they love.

When your public identity and private values do not match, the distance between them can quietly erode confidence and fulfillment.

Dominika explains how unstable self-worth can also affect leadership. When leaders feel they must continuously prove themselves, they may become defensive, reactive, controlling, or overly focused on performance. By contrast, grounded leaders can ask for help, hear different perspectives, admit mistakes, and allow others to contribute their strengths.

The conversation also explores fluid leadership—the idea that leadership can shift within a team based on who has the strongest skills for the task at hand. When people are trusted to make decisions and contribute meaningfully, they feel seen, valued, and connected to the outcome.

This episode is not about abandoning ambition.

It is about defining achievement on your own terms, giving yourself grace when you fall short, and remembering that your worth does not disappear when the outcome is imperfect.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why productivity, usefulness, and achievement are not the same as self-worth
• How to recognize whether growth is driven by service or outside validation
• Why your definition of success should reflect your values and current season of life
• How unstable self-worth can affect leadership, criticism, and decision-making
• Why asking for help strengthens both individuals and teams
• How grace and gratitude help separate worth from perfect performance
• Why keeping promises to yourself builds trust in who you are
• Simple evening practices that reinforce confidence and personal alignment
• How celebrating progress helps your brain recognize the identity you are building

Before going to bed, Dominika recommends identifying two things you did well, remembering where you showed up in alignment with your values, and celebrating the moments when you kept your word to yourself.

Your brain needs evidence of who you are becoming.

Give it evidence that you are honest, capable, resilient, and worthy—not because everything went perfectly, but because you continued to show up.

Start by connecting more deeply with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversation and subscribe to the YouTube channel for more discussions about The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Learn more about Dominika Staniewicz, her coaching, speaking, and leadership work:

👉 https://yourbraincoachd.com/

👉 https://dominikastaniewicz.com/

And when you are ready to take the next step toward meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And your worth was never meant to be decided by the title, achievement, or approval of someone else.

#SelfWorth #WhoDecidesYourWorth #DominikaStaniewicz #Leadership #Identity #AuthenticLeadership #PersonalGrowth #HighPerformers #Veterans #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

Have you ever felt like life was happening to you instead of for you?

For many veterans, first responders, and families, trauma does not remain in the past. It can change how the present feels—leaving someone anxious, disconnected, constantly on guard, or determined to control everything around them just to feel safe.

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Michelle Strigotte, a licensed professional counselor and founder of Serene Integrative Services in Post Falls, Idaho.

Michelle grew up with an Army veteran who served in Vietnam and lived with severe PTSD. Witnessing how trauma can keep someone trapped in survival mode helped shape her commitment to whole-person mental health care for veterans, first responders, and people experiencing PTSD, depression, anxiety, and trauma.

Together, Mike and Michelle explore The Fourth Silent War: Control.

They discuss why the need for control is not always stubbornness or a personality flaw. For someone who has experienced trauma, controlling the environment can become a protective response—an attempt to prevent being hurt, surprised, or caught off guard again.

The problem begins when the response that once helped someone survive starts making it difficult to rest, connect, trust, or feel safe in the present.

This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars, including:

• Control — “Why does life feel chaotic, and what can I truly influence?”
• Emotional Armor — “What protected me then but keeps me disconnected now?”
• Connection — “How is what I am carrying affecting the people closest to me?”
• Identity — “Am I defined by what happened to me or by how I move forward?”
• Trust — “Can I believe that receiving support is safe?”

Michelle also explains transcranial magnetic stimulation, commonly called TMS—a noninvasive prescription treatment that uses targeted magnetic pulses to stimulate areas of the brain involved in mood regulation. She discusses how the treatment is administered, why every person requires an individualized medical and psychiatric evaluation, and why TMS should be viewed as one part of a broader healing process rather than a cure or replacement for appropriate professional care.

Mike and Michelle also explore the importance of therapy, nervous-system regulation, self-awareness, sleep, relationships, physical health, personal values, faith, and daily choices. Michelle shares what it means to treat the whole person instead of reducing someone to a diagnosis or symptom score.

Most importantly, this episode challenges the belief that strength means suffering alone.

Receiving help is not surrender. It is a courageous decision to stop allowing past danger to control the rest of your life.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why trauma can create an intense need for control
• How survival responses can continue after the danger has passed
• Why PTSD, anxiety, and depression are not signs of weakness
• What holistic, whole-person mental health care can include
• What TMS is and how it is administered
• Why individualized professional evaluation remains essential
• How healing can positively affect spouses, children, and relationships
• Why asking for help may be one of the strongest actions you can take
• One immediate step you can take when you feel exhausted or overwhelmed

If something in this conversation resonated with you, do not immediately move on to the next thing.

Pause and ask yourself why it affected you. Then choose one point of connection. Tell someone you trust that you are exhausted, overwhelmed, or need help taking the next step.

Start by connecting more deeply with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversation and subscribe to the YouTube channel for more discussions about The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Learn more about Michelle and Serene Integrative Services:

👉 https://sereneintegrative.org/

And when you are ready to take the next step toward meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And taking control back does not mean controlling everything—it means choosing the next courageous step you can take today.

#Control #TraumaRecovery #PTSD #TMS #MentalHealth #Veterans #FirstResponders #EmotionalArmor #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What is really stopping you from moving forward?

For veterans, leaders, and high performers, fear does not always look like fear. Sometimes it looks like anger, avoidance, perfectionism, isolation, overworking, or shutting down before life has the chance to hurt us again.

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Lauri Clontz, founder of Start Driving Your Destiny, a transformational movement helping people stop living on autopilot and begin creating their lives with greater clarity, confidence, and purpose.

After spending approximately 24 years climbing the corporate ladder, Lauri appeared highly successful from the outside. She led international teams, became the person everyone depended on, and built a reputation for always getting the job done. Underneath that performance, however, was a quieter battle driven by fear, perfectionism, self-doubt, and the belief that she always had to prove she was enough.

Together, Mike and Lauri explore The Ninth Silent War: Fear.

Lauri explains how fear can disguise itself as responsibility, excellence, productivity, or control. She shares how her need to perform kept her working 12- to 14-hour days, isolated her from the people she loved, and ultimately cost her one of the most important moments of her life: being present during her father’s final moments.

That painful realization forced her to confront a difficult question:

What are you working so hard for if the life you are building keeps taking you away from what matters most?

This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars, including:

• Fear — “What am I avoiding, and what is really driving my behavior?”
• Self-Worth — “Why do I believe I must constantly perform to prove I am enough?”
• Control — “Am I intentionally directing my life, or reacting from old patterns?”
• Direction — “Is the way I am living taking me where I truly want to go?”
• Identity — “Who am I beneath the perfectionism, productivity, and expectations?”

Lauri also explains how the brain develops protective patterns during pressure, rejection, trauma, and repeated stress. Those patterns may have helped us survive an earlier season of life, but they can eventually keep us trapped in automatic reactions that no longer serve who we are becoming.

The answer is not to shame yourself for those patterns.

It is to recognize them, name what is driving them, separate them from your identity, and begin choosing a different direction—one small action at a time.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why fear often appears as perfectionism, anger, avoidance, or overperformance
• How old survival patterns can quietly take control of your daily decisions
• The warning signs that you may be living on autopilot
• Why productivity does not always mean you are making meaningful progress
• How to identify what is truly driving your behavior
• Why small, imperfect actions can create lasting momentum
• How celebration helps reinforce healthier patterns and choices
• The first step you can take today to begin reclaiming control of your life

Start by connecting more deeply with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversation and subscribe to the YouTube channel for more discussions about The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

To connect with Lauri and learn more about her work, search Start Driving Your Destiny on Instagram and Facebook, or search Lauri Clontz on Facebook and LinkedIn.

And when you are ready to take the next step toward meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And once you recognize what has been driving you, you can take back the keys and choose where your life goes next.

#Fear #StartDrivingYourDestiny #LauriClontz #Perfectionism #Autopilot #SelfWorth #Direction #PersonalGrowth #Veterans #HighPerformers #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What if the answer to disconnection is not becoming tougher, more guarded, or more independent?

What if the bridge back—to ourselves, to one another, and to a greater sense of meaning—is caring?

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Dr. Tony Nader, a medical doctor, neuroscientist, consciousness researcher, New York Times bestselling author, and global leader of the Transcendental Meditation organizations.

Trained at Harvard Medical School with a Ph.D. in Brain and Cognitive Sciences from MIT, Dr. Nader has spent decades exploring consciousness, human potential, and the deeper principles that connect the mind, body, and world around us. His newest book, The Power of Caring, examines why caring is not merely an emotion or act of kindness—it is a transformative force capable of changing individuals, relationships, communities, and society.

Together, Mike and Dr. Nader explore The Third Silent War: Connection.

For veterans, first responders, leaders, and high performers, strength often means carrying the weight, solving the problem, and protecting everyone else. But that conditioning can also make it difficult to receive support, express vulnerability, or feel genuinely connected after the role, mission, or environment changes.

This conversation challenges the belief that caring makes us weaker. Instead, Dr. Nader explains how caring can create greater strength, belonging, resilience, cooperation, and purpose—and why our ability to care for others begins with understanding the deeper connection we already share.

This episode directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars, including:

• Connection — “Where do I belong, and how do I reconnect?”
• Emotional Armor — “Can I remain strong without shutting people out?”
• Trust — “Can I safely open myself to others again?”
• Mission — “How can caring become part of what I serve now?”
• Legacy — “What kind of impact will my presence have on others?”

Mike and Dr. Nader also discuss the relationship between consciousness and human connection, why isolation can affect how we experience ourselves and the world, and how caring can help move people from separation toward greater unity.

This is not a conversation about becoming passive or ignoring boundaries.

It is about recognizing that real strength includes the ability to see, understand, and care—and that connection may be one of the most powerful resources we have for healing and moving forward.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why caring should be viewed as a strength rather than a weakness
• How consciousness influences the way we experience connection
• Why people can feel isolated even when surrounded by others
• How emotional armor can protect us while also creating distance
• Why caring for yourself and caring for others are deeply connected
• How greater connection can support resilience, meaning, and purpose
• What individuals can do to create a more caring world

Start by connecting more deeply with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

Watch the full conversation and subscribe to the YouTube channel for more discussions about The 10 Silent Wars:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

Learn more about Dr. Tony Nader and The Power of Caring:

👉 https://www.thepowerofcaringbook.com/

And when you are ready to take the next step toward meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And caring may be the bridge that brings us back to one another.

#Connection #ThePowerOfCaring #TonyNader #Consciousness #Belonging #EmotionalArmor #Veterans #FirstResponders #PersonalGrowth #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

What are you working toward now?

For many veterans, families, first responders, and high performers, the next mission isn't about accomplishing more.

Sometimes...

The mission begins with healing.

In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Rebecca McCord, a vagus nerve activation and gut health coach whose mission is helping people improve their mental and physical well-being by supporting the body's natural ability to heal.

Inspired by her grandfather's service during World War II, Rebecca has become passionate about helping veterans and others struggling with PTSD, chronic stress, nervous system dysregulation, and the long-term effects of living in survival mode.

Together, Mike and Rebecca explore The Second Silent War: Mission.

They discuss why so many people focus on pushing through pain instead of understanding what their bodies are trying to communicate. Rebecca explains the powerful connection between the nervous system, gut health, chronic stress, inflammation, emotional wellness, and mental clarity—and why true healing often starts with creating safety within the body.

This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars, including:

• Mission – "What if my next mission is healing?"
• Control – "What small choices can I make to help my body recover?"
• Identity – "Who am I when I stop living in survival mode?"
• Direction – "What if healing is the next step forward?"
• Emotional Armor – "What has my body been carrying that my mind hasn't acknowledged?"

Rebecca shares practical ways to begin calming the nervous system, the importance of vagus nerve health, why gut health affects mental wellness, and how simple daily habits can help people reclaim peace, energy, and purpose.

This episode isn't about finding another quick fix.

It's about understanding that your body was designed to heal—and sometimes the greatest mission you'll ever take on is giving yourself permission to begin.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How chronic stress affects both the brain and the body
• Why vagus nerve health plays a major role in emotional regulation
• The connection between gut health, inflammation, and mental wellness
• Why healing isn't weakness—it's preparation for your next mission
• Simple daily practices that help regulate your nervous system
• How caring for your body creates greater clarity, resilience, and purpose

If this episode resonated with you, don't keep doing this alone.

There's a reason this conversation connected with you.

Start by connecting deeper with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community:

👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/

You can also watch and subscribe on YouTube to continue these conversations each week:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality

And if you're ready to take the next step toward creating lasting change in your mindset, identity, and direction:

👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/

Because your thoughts shape your reality…

And sometimes the greatest mission isn't proving how strong you are—it's allowing yourself to heal.

#Mission #Healing #GutHealth #VagusNerve #MentalHealth #Veterans #MilitaryTransition #PTSD #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality

Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:

https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service.

Support the show